Doctor Doctor (2016) s02e07 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 7
1 Doors are closing, my friend.
Better make a serious move before he does.
- Hayley and I are in love too.
- ALL: Aww! Isn't he the sweetest? I had sex with Hayley.
- I want to marry her.
- What? - I love her.
- Are you out of your mind? - Will you marry me? - Yes! You'll be placed on the impaired registrants list.
You're banned from surgical practice.
- No way.
- We'd like you to serve a year of atonement as a general practitioner in the town of Whyhope.
Where you are is sitting in front of me about to piss into a jar for a drug test.
- This is just humiliating.
- Weekly.
Here is your career.
[BLOWS.]
Bye, bye, bye.
I have a responsibility to patients.
Give me a sample immediately.
You've been taking a big risk on my behalf.
I need a doctor.
It's not for you, it's for the hospital.
Still, I keep putting you in that position.
True.
[GUNSHOTS.]
Come on, love.
You can do it.
Dig deep, Hayley.
Dig deep.
Yes, Meryl.
Remember contestants have ten shots.
Nail three please before moving on to the next round here in the triathlon stage of Miss Whyhope.
Boom! Julia Nile nails her second shot.
And contestant four, Hayley Mills - Are you okay? - Everything is burning, my legs, my chest, my throat.
Deep breath.
And Millie Spinoza enters Hayley misses.
Not helpful, Charlie.
Would you let her concentrate? This is ridiculous.
By ridiculous you mean awesome, I hear you.
Nice gun.
Yours? - You cracked it.
- Beginner's luck.
Millie, two from two.
Boom! And Millie's moving onto the next stage.
Hayley misses.
Hayley, that's seven.
The next stage is in town after the 5K run.
Ajax, maybe it's stuck.
And that's eight.
Penny, I've got something for you.
Sounds worrying.
What is it? Stent.
Our stent.
Oh my God, it's beautiful.
Yeah.
Prototype, but looks amazing.
We should celebrate.
Celebrate? Well, I stood you up once, but I thought I'd make it up to you.
We can do that.
Casual dinner.
Tonight? Great.
It's a nice day.
Indeed.
I'm going up the country Babe, don't you want to go? I'm going up the country Babe, don't you want to go? I'm going someplace where I've never been before I leave this city, I've got to get away I leave the city, I've got to get away All this fussing and fighting Man, you know I sure can't stay.
She was riding around and then she just fell, I did the ventil and everything, but she's still not good.
Okay.
Hello, sweetheart.
How are you? All right.
It's all right, no need to chat.
I'm just gonna take a little listen to your chest.
Okay? [LABOURED BREATHING.]
That's it.
Good girl.
Mm-hm.
Just take your finger for me, thanks, sweetheart.
This is a SATs machine.
Measures oxygen saturation to blood.
O2 SATs 88%.
Okay, guess what? We're going to take a trip to the hospital.
Right now.
Ready? One, two, three.
There we go.
Severe asthma attack.
- Look at her fingers.
- She's diamatic.
Let's start salbutamol nebs and IV hydrocortisone.
We need to start opening her airway.
Start prepping for op.
She's gonna need bronchial thermoplasty.
Okay, let's go.
I haven't done one of these.
I've got it on YouTube if you need it.
There's a catheter inside the bronchoscope.
A thin flexible tube.
We'll be going in through the nose.
I hate that.
They're choosing a lobe to go in and open up the smooth muscle with.
- Can we do both? - No, only one.
It can trigger a bigger attack before it works, so doing both is too dangerous.
Hit me.
It shrinks the smooth-muscle and hopefully opens up some ability to breathe again.
Again.
Okay, I think that's looking good.
We should put ours on YouTube.
- Absolutely not.
- Absolutely not.
We have three minutes.
Make sure you get your scones into the crowd and tasted by all to be sure one of the three mystery judges tastes your scone.
Hayley, just be calm.
But be first.
Yes, Meryl.
Hey, Ace.
Take one.
Goodo.
It's a good scone.
- Who's that? - I think her name's Millie.
Scone? - You all right? - Blisters.
I think my shoes are full of blood, but I'm too scared to look.
- I'll check them.
- No time! I've got to get everyone to eat one.
Make sure the secret judges get one.
You're not one, are you? - That'd be a secret.
Good scone.
- Best scone.
Thanks! ALL: Five, four, three, two, one.
And so ends day one of Miss Whyhope, a two-day event testing a woman's poise, skill, wit and resilience.
Look at this.
- How awesome was it? - It's not awesome.
It's not remotely awesome.
This is not how Miss Whyhope is meant to be.
Well, it's how I'm running it.
I got you on that committee so that you could continue the traditions.
I'm not running an out-of-date beauty pageant, Meryl.
If we're going to do it, we'll do it my way.
But Charlie, Hayley has trained for this for years.
It's her dream.
If it was a simple scone bake off, she would romp it in.
Meryl, women in the kitchen? No.
Women who run, shoot, cook? Yes! Heroes for our young woman to come.
Well, I hope the swim suit section has a little more decorum.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
There's a wrinkle in it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you will join us for our swimsuit section tomorrow, but this year, there's a slight change.
We're calling it 'Swimsuits and Shakespeare.
' Contestants will have to learn and recite some Shakespeare.
See you tomorrow.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR.]
So, we have a choice of four restaurants, pub, Chinese, Chinese or Chinese.
Pub.
- Racist.
- I had Chinese for lunch.
- You look great by the way.
- Thank you.
How charming you are.
Mm.
I'm just getting started.
- Wait until breakfast.
- Breakfast? - Got to go in with confidence.
- [LAUGHS.]
Before you go, drug test.
I do like the not peeing thing.
Me too.
Lick this.
Hopefully not the last time I hear those words this evening.
[LAUGHS.]
Crumbly but somehow moist.
What are you doing? Oh, I'm the secret judge.
But don't tell anyone 'cause it's, you know, a secret.
My phone.
One sec.
So, you're off on a date.
- Don't do that.
- Do what? Smile like the universe has finally clicked into place? Oh, shit.
Hugh I've got a good feeling about tonight.
- It's just dinner.
- I think we all know better.
Just don't talk about yourself all the time.
I won't.
Sometimes you don't realise you do it.
Two things women like, questions and long foreplay.
In fact, the word 'fore' sort of makes people think it's a short moment.
They should rename it 'long play'.
Or 'considerable-time-spent play.
' Penny, they'll be out of duck.
Okay, coming.
Do you really need to look at the menu? It, uh, never changes.
Like people, I guess.
But we still look and hope.
Okay.
- Wine? - Sure.
So, pretty stent, huh? - What do you think? - It's great.
It's amazing.
I think we're really onto something.
And you know what? Your grant made it happen.
I'll have duck.
Right, well we knew that.
Let me ask you a question.
Yes, please do.
Though I also have many questions for you.
Have you cheated on all your girlfriends? - That's your question? - Yes.
Not all, I don't think.
There's been some overlap, I guess.
As in, haven't quite left one before you started with a new one? - Something like that.
- Overlap, nice word.
Way to rationalise.
[CHUCKLES.]
What do you think of the wine? Good, yeah? So, what's your favourite band.
I've always wanted to ask.
Would you look them in the eye and lie? How do you do that? Why are we talking about this? We're on a date, we're getting to know each other.
I've Fucked up many times.
I'm not a perfect person.
Why? Are you? - Closer than you.
- What? What does that mean? - I have to go, my phone is ringing.
- No it's not.
- Penny - I'm such an idiot.
And you must think Who are you that you can do drugs and then come and ask me - on a date, knowing - I didn't do drugs! Knowing that you have put me on the spot again.
- What? I didn't do anything.
- I would like to believe you but you could lie and look people in the eye as you just explained.
Penny, I swear, not you.
Okay? I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't lie to you.
Because I'm so special? Wow.
Thanks.
My heart just skipped a beat.
Or did I take methamphetamine too? No.
That was you.
Enjoy your duck, you fuck.
It's a mistake.
It's a false positive.
Really? Yes, really.
I didn't do it.
Go on.
Test me again.
Yes, test me again right now.
[DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS.]
Oh, back already? Are you guys okay? I've still got a good feeling.
Prepare your apology.
What? That's wrong.
I haven't done anything.
There's obviously something wrong with it.
Mia, come here.
Lick this.
- Why would I do that? - Just do it.
If I turn out to be pregnant, I'm going to be really pissed.
So, what does that mean? Am I free to go? Yes, thanks, Mia.
- Penny, I swear that I - Just go.
- No.
- Then I will.
[SIGHS.]
You were awesome, Hayles.
So, Ajax, heard any whispers about who the secret judges are? - No one knows.
- Bloody Charlie.
Mum, it's awesome.
Relax.
Can everybody stop saying it is awesome? Hayley deserves to win.
She has worked and prepared for years, and bloody Charlie now throws everything in the air.
I can win it, Meryl, I can, I swear.
I'm going to look up some sonnets.
She's tense.
She wants to win.
Sorry I was such a bad shot.
Were you disappointed in me? No.
How was Millie? She nailed it.
I know, wasn't she awesome? And didn't that suck? Her scones were like bullets, by the way.
- Really? - Yeah.
Dung flavoured bullets.
You've got this, Hayles.
Well, did you take something? No, I swear I've been depressingly clean for months.
It is my career, after all.
You were pretty drunk in here the other night with those miners.
Nothing happened? Not that I remember.
Ah.
I think I see your problem.
- I'd remember something like that.
- Then what is it? - Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Nothing, just hanging out.
Well, raspberry lemonade for my friend here.
- I'm closed.
- Oh.
At the shooting today, this girl Millie, she just nailed it, boom.
That girl that called you Ace? Yeah, she's from Nareen.
She nailed it.
Boom.
Anyway She smiled like Ah, anyway She's pretty, that girl called Millie.
I guess.
- You like her, Ajax.
- I'm engaged.
You like her.
I shouldn't.
I don't.
- I refuse to.
- It's just a little crush.
Relax, Ajax.
You're going to be attracted to other people.
It's normal.
It is? Yeah, though while you have these feelings for someone else, - should you really be getting married? - Hugh! Exactly what I was talking about, before he proposed, okay? Something always happens, someone.
I love Hayley.
I just You're not helpful.
Take this as a sign.
Okay? - Postpone the wedding.
- What are you talking about? It's ridiculous.
- He's so young.
- Matt, what do I do? Just stay away from Millie.
It'll pass.
Or take this time to review and reassess.
Get him a drink.
Meryl.
Rolling about, I'm sorry.
I'll try and keep still.
Oh, bloody hell.
My mother founded that competition 30 years ago.
She set up how to run it and the by-laws and it's always been run that way.
Okay, but times move along.
Some things are right, Jim.
They're perfect.
They're like perennials that help show us where we've been and who we are, and this is chaos.
People in the town like her.
How would you know? I thought you were on dialysis and orange.
Yeah, I was, but I got some calls on the way back.
Hayley doesn't know a sonnet.
I know one.
"To me, "fair friend, you never can be old "for as you were when first "your eye I ey'd "such "seems you beauty "still.
" You rogue.
Come here.
Come on.
Yes, hi, hello.
I'm an Australian doctor.
Oh, well, guten tag yourself.
Just wondering with your 114YJ test kits, what are the chances of a false positive? They can't be zero.
There must be some margin for error.
There's not.
Wow.
How very German of you.
Can you tell me though, do you have any statistical records that I could access that might prove that sometimesit throws up a false test? No.
Yes, no, thank you so much for your help.
Yes.
Auf wiedersehen.
Have a nice day.
Right.
If I didn't take it.
I am positive, but I didn't take it.
How did it get in me? Hey.
Hey Doctor Hugh.
Mum's at the hospital.
Oh.
Addison, do you mind if I have a wander? - No.
- Okay.
02 SATs have improved and her lungs are sounding better, but we're going to have to do another round of thermoplasty.
It's quite a rash.
She's got it too.
Oh, I think there might be some mould in the house.
Lick this.
Any idea who lived here before you? No.
It's in us? - It's - The house, I know.
I just tested positive.
So did Theresa.
I was telling Penny it used to be a meth lab.
It stays in the house, in the walls.
You have to get the whole place decontaminated before you stay there again.
Here's a script for some steroid cream.
Okay.
Thanks.
I told you, I told you, I told you.
What was I supposed to do, Hugh? I had two positives.
Believe me.
You were supposed to believe me.
- I - I what? Apologise? Go on, say it.
I don't have anything to apologise for.
I'm really glad it's not true.
We have patients.
[CHUCKLES.]
Seriously? That's it? Betty! What are you doing here? Hello, everyone, and welcome to Miss Whyhope's Swimsuits and Shakespeare.
[Applause.]
Shall I compare thee to some other day? - A summer's day.
A summer's day.
- Oh, got it.
Some summer's day.
Hey, Ace.
I need your help in here.
Okay, I'm going to lie down - and you're going to shimmer me.
- Do what to you? It's glitter in this tub.
When I go out on the stage in the sun, I'll sparkle and shimmer.
How cool is that? - Cool.
- The judges will remember me.
It's risky but fortune favours the brave.
Quick and even and no clumps.
Front.
Are you blushing? No.
No, I'm What? No.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Shall I compare thee to some summer's day? A summer's day.
A summer's day.
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
How was it? What? My sonnet, Ajax.
Oh.
I thought it was great.
Next up, we have Millie.
Ajax What? I can't be rude.
I should applaud everybody.
This is true.
I'm so gobbled up by self-importance, it's terrible.
Go, Millie.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds.
Admit impediment.
Thanks giving me a reality check, Ajax.
That's why we're good.
We're always there for each other.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Is Millie shimmering? Why was she shimmering? I thought it was brilliant.
Kind of show-offy.
It shows she's bold and imaginative.
- Good for her.
- Hm.
While poised, the style was not one I engaged with.
Oh my god, you're a secret judge too.
No.
Ken, I told you a week ago I was a secret judge.
You never told me.
How cool was glitter girl? She nailed it.
What's going on? I'm a secret judge and now it turns out Ken is too.
Betty! I think you would have to sign a form - saying you would not disclose.
- Ha! I never told you I had to sign a form.
Only a secret judge would know that.
You're so cute when you're caught out, Ken.
- Isn't he? - Yep.
Betty, we have to keep this between us.
Of course.
That's why it's called secret.
You're telling everybody! My hospital colleagues, that's all.
Such a professional, Ken, in everything you do.
I do try.
And people notice.
So, I like her.
You were right.
- Millie.
- Yeah.
It is just in my head.
I'll just stop.
Right? It'll pass, like Matt said.
Probably.
I love Hayley.
But a part of me doesn't want it to pass.
You want to have sex with Millie.
Yeah.
Why am I so weak? What is wrong with me? It's your genes.
That seems insulting.
You're a bad guy with women.
Maybe I am too.
Yeah, that's what's happening.
You're a normal red-blooded male, that's what's happening.
It's not the twisted part of me.
That comes from you.
Wow, uh, so hard for me to answer that question, painting me as a sociopath as it does.
Help me.
Look, honestly, maybe you shouldjust sleep with Millie once and then you'll know.
- That's your plan? - It's an idea.
I should tell Hayley.
That's a bad idea.
Hit it.
So good that test stuff cleared up, huh? Yep.
Yep.
Hit it.
Okay, seems to have opened it up.
She can breathe easy.
- As can you, Doctor Knight.
- Ha ha.
Are you actually sulking? I don't sulk.
And you don't apologise.
We're learning so much about each other through this experience.
So shall we do our dinner then? Our dinner? If you're not sulking and you're fine.
Absolutely.
Let's do a dinner.
Great.
Great.
Now, there are three questions.
In what three ways can a young woman hope to improve the life of our fair community? I wondered if it was because of your mum that you need me [SIGHS.]
Want me to win.
I want you to win for you.
It's been a dream of yours since I've known you.
It has been, it's just It's upsetting you that I'm not winning, that's all.
I don't like that it's making you unhappy.
But you'll do your best, and that'll be enough for me.
No doubt enough to win.
It's what Charlie's doing to the traditions of the event that's upsetting me.
People are loving it.
- I wish they would stop saying that.
- [PHONE BUZZES.]
- Oh no.
- What? "Dear contestants, change is life, life is change.
"The Q&A section will be random and all new, "ranging from the environment to egg decorating.
"Be ready for anything.
" No.
But she changed the questions.
My mother wrote them.
Mum I need an advance copy.
Are you kidding? What do you think? Do you remember when you wooden spooned to me for taking Nick O'Conner's pocket money off him? In retrospect, with the bribes and now trying to fix the pageant, that's seeming a little hypocritical.
This way she gets her pageant, we get our win and everyone is happy.
That's the way I work in everything I do, Matt.
And what do I get? How does this make me happy? Maybe you're more like me than you think.
I'd like 40 acres in the North East slope for more clamping.
Get me the questions.
Did you see the hits on Swimsuits and Shakespeare? Matt, this is awesome.
Take your clothes off, I need to have sex with you.
What? Okay.
I'm so excited about this pageant, Matt.
People are loving it.
I can't do this.
- What? - No, I mean, like, I can, I just I um I stole the questions for Meryl to give Hayley the inside track.
You what? For the 40 acres on the north side.
- You shook her down? - Well I thought it was playing at her own game, I didn't know that you were gonna get all sex on me.
I mean What does it matter if Hayley wins the competition? Cassie Albright did Swimsuits and Shakespeare with a broken femur from the triathlon, Matt! Gutsy.
Okay.
Yeah, I get it.
I'll be back.
[JIM TALKING QUIETLY.]
Meryl.
A word.
Are you inherently dishonest? Can't bear losing or can't stand the fact that I've done something the town loves and you didn't? Which is it? Don't speak to me like that.
Treat them as genuine questions.
Is it that important that Hayley wins that you cheat? Hayley trained for a certain type of event and you pulled the rug out from under her.
And she's doing great.
She's clearly top 2.
[TEARFULLY.]
You changed my mother's questions.
I'm not falling for it, Meryl.
You really Your mother.
Look I probably underestimated how hard it is to let go of what it was.
It was everything to her and she planned it all year.
I understand, Meryl, but it was dying and it's alive now.
My mother was very angry when she died.
Why? At me.
What? Didn't you run to her bedside? She was in a coma for three days.
I sat there, she came in and out of it, she asked me, "Did you win?" Her face when I told her I missed it, she was very disappointed.
We had planned it for years.
I'm sorry, but she sounds like a cow.
Get out.
I'm sorry to treat you like that when clearly your upset She loved me like a lioness.
She had great expectations for me, and rightfully so.
And I disappointed her.
I was weak.
Okay.
Do I look all right? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Could you be a bit more supportive, Ajax? - Sorry.
- We have to be there for each other in moments of stress.
What happens when the kids have been up all night and we have to harvest and do my blog and pay bills and fix our car? That's what happens, Ajax.
I saw it with my cousin Janine, her husband just abandoned her.
- You'll not abandon me, do you hear? - Yeah.
Sorry.
Oh God.
I'm sorry.
This whole thing is making me into a monster.
Are you okay? What? I'm lecturing you and you're distracted by some problem or other and I should be there for you with whatever that is and I'm not.
It's okay.
Hayley, you look great.
Thank you.
Now you.
What is it? Nothing.
Don't do that.
My dad does that to my mum.
It's something and whatever it is we can deal with it together.
Okay.
It's burning a hole in me.
You're my best friend, so who else would I tell, right? Exactly.
I got a huge crush on Millie.
What? And it makes me think I'm like Hugh, and I won't be able to help myself, and I'll sleep with her, and I don't want to do that.
But you're worried That I will, in the moment.
You want Millie? And you.
No.
Come on, you two.
Stop canoodling.
We've got a pageant to win.
I don't want to cheat on you.
I just I won't.
I can't guarantee I won't Maybe I am like you and if I am - We should break up? - No, that's not what I mean.
Yes, it is.
There you go, mate.
Thanks, mate.
Quiet night.
Yeah.
Everyone's down at the pageant.
Might get a late rush.
Might not.
Sorry I'm late.
Don't give it a second thought.
Might've been sulking about it.
I do appreciate the apology.
Very, very big of you.
I thought we let that go.
We have.
New day.
So, how are you? You with that dazzling small talk.
Are we having duck? Do you have any crystal meth? Uh No.
Ah.
Me neither.
We'll have the duck.
Okay, great.
Cheers.
Cheers.
[APPLAUSE.]
Your best friend starts dating your ex.
How do you deal with it? Well, I think it depends on how much I like the ex.
If I was in love, then they're both dead to me and I write obituaries for both of them in the Gazette.
[LAUGHTER.]
If not so much, then I let it slide.
There's plenty of fish in the sea and not many best friends.
You wake up late for your first day on the job.
What do you do? Am I still stoned? [LAUGHTER.]
What did you write? Ken, they're secret votes.
Come on, be a professional.
If a bushfire sweeps toward town and you can only save one physical, natural or man-made thing, what would it be? The rickety bench in the park with the graffiti that says, "Woz was here.
" The bench? - It's where Ajax first kissed me.
- [AUDIENCE COOS.]
I was talking and he said, "Can you stop for a second?" I said, "Why?" He said, "Because I have to do this.
" And then he kissed me.
I fainted into the corpses groin.
It was highly embarrassing.
Well, I'm sure the corpse enjoyed it.
He never said.
- God, they are rude.
- Yeah, exactly.
- We're closing.
- Of course.
So, what do we do now? A gentleman would take me home.
Well, let's pretend I'm a gentlemen.
The judges will now tally their votes.
While we wait, I have a special treat to honour someone who we owe so much to today.
If one stops and looks at what we have in this town, one is both awed and blessed in the same moment.
Denise Carboy began this pageant in 1961.
I wonder why.
I want the women of Whyhope to be celebrated.
A woman's life can easily be one of forgotten service.
The men got lest we forget, and I want this to be a reminder to all that these young women are special, and are the bedrock to this town's future.
Good answer.
I look at my daughter Meryl and think what a future they have, these young women.
What strength and confidence and care she has.
That generation will be make us, and I hope that in some way this pageant will help push us forward and reflect who these young women are as they change and strengthen.
A round of applause for our founder and a great woman.
[APPLAUSE.]
And now, to our secret judges.
I know thousands of dollars have been bet on who they are [CROWD CHANTS BETTY'S NAME.]
And to everyone's shock, Betty! Ken Lui.
And 29 years since she was last a secret judge, Agnes Gorman.
And the envelope please.
And the winner is Hayley Mills.
It's nice of you to walk me home.
Well, it's nice of you to let me.
Would you class that as an awkward silence? More a moment of nervous anticipation.
Really? What are you anticipating? That would be telling.
Is this a good idea? Can't we just roll with the moment and see what happens? You're right.
Of course, you're wondering whether it's a good idea because you thought I was a bad guy.
That's actually usually a safe bet.
Possibly true.
You've got baggage too, you know.
Your husband was unreliable We're not talking about him.
I've covered for you so many times when you did do it.
Let's not forget that.
I'm right not to trust you.
Tell me I'm not.
You're right.
You're right.
Good night.
Hugh.
Penny.
I Me too.
Don't cry, don't cry baby Don't cry, baby Dry your eyes And let's be sweethearts again And you know, you know I didn't mean To ever treat you so mean Come on, come on sweetheart and let's try over again Don't cry Don't cry, baby Don't cry Don't cry Dry your eyes and let's be sweethearts again Don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry Don't cry, don't cry.
Better make a serious move before he does.
- Hayley and I are in love too.
- ALL: Aww! Isn't he the sweetest? I had sex with Hayley.
- I want to marry her.
- What? - I love her.
- Are you out of your mind? - Will you marry me? - Yes! You'll be placed on the impaired registrants list.
You're banned from surgical practice.
- No way.
- We'd like you to serve a year of atonement as a general practitioner in the town of Whyhope.
Where you are is sitting in front of me about to piss into a jar for a drug test.
- This is just humiliating.
- Weekly.
Here is your career.
[BLOWS.]
Bye, bye, bye.
I have a responsibility to patients.
Give me a sample immediately.
You've been taking a big risk on my behalf.
I need a doctor.
It's not for you, it's for the hospital.
Still, I keep putting you in that position.
True.
[GUNSHOTS.]
Come on, love.
You can do it.
Dig deep, Hayley.
Dig deep.
Yes, Meryl.
Remember contestants have ten shots.
Nail three please before moving on to the next round here in the triathlon stage of Miss Whyhope.
Boom! Julia Nile nails her second shot.
And contestant four, Hayley Mills - Are you okay? - Everything is burning, my legs, my chest, my throat.
Deep breath.
And Millie Spinoza enters Hayley misses.
Not helpful, Charlie.
Would you let her concentrate? This is ridiculous.
By ridiculous you mean awesome, I hear you.
Nice gun.
Yours? - You cracked it.
- Beginner's luck.
Millie, two from two.
Boom! And Millie's moving onto the next stage.
Hayley misses.
Hayley, that's seven.
The next stage is in town after the 5K run.
Ajax, maybe it's stuck.
And that's eight.
Penny, I've got something for you.
Sounds worrying.
What is it? Stent.
Our stent.
Oh my God, it's beautiful.
Yeah.
Prototype, but looks amazing.
We should celebrate.
Celebrate? Well, I stood you up once, but I thought I'd make it up to you.
We can do that.
Casual dinner.
Tonight? Great.
It's a nice day.
Indeed.
I'm going up the country Babe, don't you want to go? I'm going up the country Babe, don't you want to go? I'm going someplace where I've never been before I leave this city, I've got to get away I leave the city, I've got to get away All this fussing and fighting Man, you know I sure can't stay.
She was riding around and then she just fell, I did the ventil and everything, but she's still not good.
Okay.
Hello, sweetheart.
How are you? All right.
It's all right, no need to chat.
I'm just gonna take a little listen to your chest.
Okay? [LABOURED BREATHING.]
That's it.
Good girl.
Mm-hm.
Just take your finger for me, thanks, sweetheart.
This is a SATs machine.
Measures oxygen saturation to blood.
O2 SATs 88%.
Okay, guess what? We're going to take a trip to the hospital.
Right now.
Ready? One, two, three.
There we go.
Severe asthma attack.
- Look at her fingers.
- She's diamatic.
Let's start salbutamol nebs and IV hydrocortisone.
We need to start opening her airway.
Start prepping for op.
She's gonna need bronchial thermoplasty.
Okay, let's go.
I haven't done one of these.
I've got it on YouTube if you need it.
There's a catheter inside the bronchoscope.
A thin flexible tube.
We'll be going in through the nose.
I hate that.
They're choosing a lobe to go in and open up the smooth muscle with.
- Can we do both? - No, only one.
It can trigger a bigger attack before it works, so doing both is too dangerous.
Hit me.
It shrinks the smooth-muscle and hopefully opens up some ability to breathe again.
Again.
Okay, I think that's looking good.
We should put ours on YouTube.
- Absolutely not.
- Absolutely not.
We have three minutes.
Make sure you get your scones into the crowd and tasted by all to be sure one of the three mystery judges tastes your scone.
Hayley, just be calm.
But be first.
Yes, Meryl.
Hey, Ace.
Take one.
Goodo.
It's a good scone.
- Who's that? - I think her name's Millie.
Scone? - You all right? - Blisters.
I think my shoes are full of blood, but I'm too scared to look.
- I'll check them.
- No time! I've got to get everyone to eat one.
Make sure the secret judges get one.
You're not one, are you? - That'd be a secret.
Good scone.
- Best scone.
Thanks! ALL: Five, four, three, two, one.
And so ends day one of Miss Whyhope, a two-day event testing a woman's poise, skill, wit and resilience.
Look at this.
- How awesome was it? - It's not awesome.
It's not remotely awesome.
This is not how Miss Whyhope is meant to be.
Well, it's how I'm running it.
I got you on that committee so that you could continue the traditions.
I'm not running an out-of-date beauty pageant, Meryl.
If we're going to do it, we'll do it my way.
But Charlie, Hayley has trained for this for years.
It's her dream.
If it was a simple scone bake off, she would romp it in.
Meryl, women in the kitchen? No.
Women who run, shoot, cook? Yes! Heroes for our young woman to come.
Well, I hope the swim suit section has a little more decorum.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
There's a wrinkle in it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you will join us for our swimsuit section tomorrow, but this year, there's a slight change.
We're calling it 'Swimsuits and Shakespeare.
' Contestants will have to learn and recite some Shakespeare.
See you tomorrow.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR.]
So, we have a choice of four restaurants, pub, Chinese, Chinese or Chinese.
Pub.
- Racist.
- I had Chinese for lunch.
- You look great by the way.
- Thank you.
How charming you are.
Mm.
I'm just getting started.
- Wait until breakfast.
- Breakfast? - Got to go in with confidence.
- [LAUGHS.]
Before you go, drug test.
I do like the not peeing thing.
Me too.
Lick this.
Hopefully not the last time I hear those words this evening.
[LAUGHS.]
Crumbly but somehow moist.
What are you doing? Oh, I'm the secret judge.
But don't tell anyone 'cause it's, you know, a secret.
My phone.
One sec.
So, you're off on a date.
- Don't do that.
- Do what? Smile like the universe has finally clicked into place? Oh, shit.
Hugh I've got a good feeling about tonight.
- It's just dinner.
- I think we all know better.
Just don't talk about yourself all the time.
I won't.
Sometimes you don't realise you do it.
Two things women like, questions and long foreplay.
In fact, the word 'fore' sort of makes people think it's a short moment.
They should rename it 'long play'.
Or 'considerable-time-spent play.
' Penny, they'll be out of duck.
Okay, coming.
Do you really need to look at the menu? It, uh, never changes.
Like people, I guess.
But we still look and hope.
Okay.
- Wine? - Sure.
So, pretty stent, huh? - What do you think? - It's great.
It's amazing.
I think we're really onto something.
And you know what? Your grant made it happen.
I'll have duck.
Right, well we knew that.
Let me ask you a question.
Yes, please do.
Though I also have many questions for you.
Have you cheated on all your girlfriends? - That's your question? - Yes.
Not all, I don't think.
There's been some overlap, I guess.
As in, haven't quite left one before you started with a new one? - Something like that.
- Overlap, nice word.
Way to rationalise.
[CHUCKLES.]
What do you think of the wine? Good, yeah? So, what's your favourite band.
I've always wanted to ask.
Would you look them in the eye and lie? How do you do that? Why are we talking about this? We're on a date, we're getting to know each other.
I've Fucked up many times.
I'm not a perfect person.
Why? Are you? - Closer than you.
- What? What does that mean? - I have to go, my phone is ringing.
- No it's not.
- Penny - I'm such an idiot.
And you must think Who are you that you can do drugs and then come and ask me - on a date, knowing - I didn't do drugs! Knowing that you have put me on the spot again.
- What? I didn't do anything.
- I would like to believe you but you could lie and look people in the eye as you just explained.
Penny, I swear, not you.
Okay? I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't lie to you.
Because I'm so special? Wow.
Thanks.
My heart just skipped a beat.
Or did I take methamphetamine too? No.
That was you.
Enjoy your duck, you fuck.
It's a mistake.
It's a false positive.
Really? Yes, really.
I didn't do it.
Go on.
Test me again.
Yes, test me again right now.
[DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS.]
Oh, back already? Are you guys okay? I've still got a good feeling.
Prepare your apology.
What? That's wrong.
I haven't done anything.
There's obviously something wrong with it.
Mia, come here.
Lick this.
- Why would I do that? - Just do it.
If I turn out to be pregnant, I'm going to be really pissed.
So, what does that mean? Am I free to go? Yes, thanks, Mia.
- Penny, I swear that I - Just go.
- No.
- Then I will.
[SIGHS.]
You were awesome, Hayles.
So, Ajax, heard any whispers about who the secret judges are? - No one knows.
- Bloody Charlie.
Mum, it's awesome.
Relax.
Can everybody stop saying it is awesome? Hayley deserves to win.
She has worked and prepared for years, and bloody Charlie now throws everything in the air.
I can win it, Meryl, I can, I swear.
I'm going to look up some sonnets.
She's tense.
She wants to win.
Sorry I was such a bad shot.
Were you disappointed in me? No.
How was Millie? She nailed it.
I know, wasn't she awesome? And didn't that suck? Her scones were like bullets, by the way.
- Really? - Yeah.
Dung flavoured bullets.
You've got this, Hayles.
Well, did you take something? No, I swear I've been depressingly clean for months.
It is my career, after all.
You were pretty drunk in here the other night with those miners.
Nothing happened? Not that I remember.
Ah.
I think I see your problem.
- I'd remember something like that.
- Then what is it? - Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Nothing, just hanging out.
Well, raspberry lemonade for my friend here.
- I'm closed.
- Oh.
At the shooting today, this girl Millie, she just nailed it, boom.
That girl that called you Ace? Yeah, she's from Nareen.
She nailed it.
Boom.
Anyway She smiled like Ah, anyway She's pretty, that girl called Millie.
I guess.
- You like her, Ajax.
- I'm engaged.
You like her.
I shouldn't.
I don't.
- I refuse to.
- It's just a little crush.
Relax, Ajax.
You're going to be attracted to other people.
It's normal.
It is? Yeah, though while you have these feelings for someone else, - should you really be getting married? - Hugh! Exactly what I was talking about, before he proposed, okay? Something always happens, someone.
I love Hayley.
I just You're not helpful.
Take this as a sign.
Okay? - Postpone the wedding.
- What are you talking about? It's ridiculous.
- He's so young.
- Matt, what do I do? Just stay away from Millie.
It'll pass.
Or take this time to review and reassess.
Get him a drink.
Meryl.
Rolling about, I'm sorry.
I'll try and keep still.
Oh, bloody hell.
My mother founded that competition 30 years ago.
She set up how to run it and the by-laws and it's always been run that way.
Okay, but times move along.
Some things are right, Jim.
They're perfect.
They're like perennials that help show us where we've been and who we are, and this is chaos.
People in the town like her.
How would you know? I thought you were on dialysis and orange.
Yeah, I was, but I got some calls on the way back.
Hayley doesn't know a sonnet.
I know one.
"To me, "fair friend, you never can be old "for as you were when first "your eye I ey'd "such "seems you beauty "still.
" You rogue.
Come here.
Come on.
Yes, hi, hello.
I'm an Australian doctor.
Oh, well, guten tag yourself.
Just wondering with your 114YJ test kits, what are the chances of a false positive? They can't be zero.
There must be some margin for error.
There's not.
Wow.
How very German of you.
Can you tell me though, do you have any statistical records that I could access that might prove that sometimesit throws up a false test? No.
Yes, no, thank you so much for your help.
Yes.
Auf wiedersehen.
Have a nice day.
Right.
If I didn't take it.
I am positive, but I didn't take it.
How did it get in me? Hey.
Hey Doctor Hugh.
Mum's at the hospital.
Oh.
Addison, do you mind if I have a wander? - No.
- Okay.
02 SATs have improved and her lungs are sounding better, but we're going to have to do another round of thermoplasty.
It's quite a rash.
She's got it too.
Oh, I think there might be some mould in the house.
Lick this.
Any idea who lived here before you? No.
It's in us? - It's - The house, I know.
I just tested positive.
So did Theresa.
I was telling Penny it used to be a meth lab.
It stays in the house, in the walls.
You have to get the whole place decontaminated before you stay there again.
Here's a script for some steroid cream.
Okay.
Thanks.
I told you, I told you, I told you.
What was I supposed to do, Hugh? I had two positives.
Believe me.
You were supposed to believe me.
- I - I what? Apologise? Go on, say it.
I don't have anything to apologise for.
I'm really glad it's not true.
We have patients.
[CHUCKLES.]
Seriously? That's it? Betty! What are you doing here? Hello, everyone, and welcome to Miss Whyhope's Swimsuits and Shakespeare.
[Applause.]
Shall I compare thee to some other day? - A summer's day.
A summer's day.
- Oh, got it.
Some summer's day.
Hey, Ace.
I need your help in here.
Okay, I'm going to lie down - and you're going to shimmer me.
- Do what to you? It's glitter in this tub.
When I go out on the stage in the sun, I'll sparkle and shimmer.
How cool is that? - Cool.
- The judges will remember me.
It's risky but fortune favours the brave.
Quick and even and no clumps.
Front.
Are you blushing? No.
No, I'm What? No.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Shall I compare thee to some summer's day? A summer's day.
A summer's day.
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
How was it? What? My sonnet, Ajax.
Oh.
I thought it was great.
Next up, we have Millie.
Ajax What? I can't be rude.
I should applaud everybody.
This is true.
I'm so gobbled up by self-importance, it's terrible.
Go, Millie.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds.
Admit impediment.
Thanks giving me a reality check, Ajax.
That's why we're good.
We're always there for each other.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Is Millie shimmering? Why was she shimmering? I thought it was brilliant.
Kind of show-offy.
It shows she's bold and imaginative.
- Good for her.
- Hm.
While poised, the style was not one I engaged with.
Oh my god, you're a secret judge too.
No.
Ken, I told you a week ago I was a secret judge.
You never told me.
How cool was glitter girl? She nailed it.
What's going on? I'm a secret judge and now it turns out Ken is too.
Betty! I think you would have to sign a form - saying you would not disclose.
- Ha! I never told you I had to sign a form.
Only a secret judge would know that.
You're so cute when you're caught out, Ken.
- Isn't he? - Yep.
Betty, we have to keep this between us.
Of course.
That's why it's called secret.
You're telling everybody! My hospital colleagues, that's all.
Such a professional, Ken, in everything you do.
I do try.
And people notice.
So, I like her.
You were right.
- Millie.
- Yeah.
It is just in my head.
I'll just stop.
Right? It'll pass, like Matt said.
Probably.
I love Hayley.
But a part of me doesn't want it to pass.
You want to have sex with Millie.
Yeah.
Why am I so weak? What is wrong with me? It's your genes.
That seems insulting.
You're a bad guy with women.
Maybe I am too.
Yeah, that's what's happening.
You're a normal red-blooded male, that's what's happening.
It's not the twisted part of me.
That comes from you.
Wow, uh, so hard for me to answer that question, painting me as a sociopath as it does.
Help me.
Look, honestly, maybe you shouldjust sleep with Millie once and then you'll know.
- That's your plan? - It's an idea.
I should tell Hayley.
That's a bad idea.
Hit it.
So good that test stuff cleared up, huh? Yep.
Yep.
Hit it.
Okay, seems to have opened it up.
She can breathe easy.
- As can you, Doctor Knight.
- Ha ha.
Are you actually sulking? I don't sulk.
And you don't apologise.
We're learning so much about each other through this experience.
So shall we do our dinner then? Our dinner? If you're not sulking and you're fine.
Absolutely.
Let's do a dinner.
Great.
Great.
Now, there are three questions.
In what three ways can a young woman hope to improve the life of our fair community? I wondered if it was because of your mum that you need me [SIGHS.]
Want me to win.
I want you to win for you.
It's been a dream of yours since I've known you.
It has been, it's just It's upsetting you that I'm not winning, that's all.
I don't like that it's making you unhappy.
But you'll do your best, and that'll be enough for me.
No doubt enough to win.
It's what Charlie's doing to the traditions of the event that's upsetting me.
People are loving it.
- I wish they would stop saying that.
- [PHONE BUZZES.]
- Oh no.
- What? "Dear contestants, change is life, life is change.
"The Q&A section will be random and all new, "ranging from the environment to egg decorating.
"Be ready for anything.
" No.
But she changed the questions.
My mother wrote them.
Mum I need an advance copy.
Are you kidding? What do you think? Do you remember when you wooden spooned to me for taking Nick O'Conner's pocket money off him? In retrospect, with the bribes and now trying to fix the pageant, that's seeming a little hypocritical.
This way she gets her pageant, we get our win and everyone is happy.
That's the way I work in everything I do, Matt.
And what do I get? How does this make me happy? Maybe you're more like me than you think.
I'd like 40 acres in the North East slope for more clamping.
Get me the questions.
Did you see the hits on Swimsuits and Shakespeare? Matt, this is awesome.
Take your clothes off, I need to have sex with you.
What? Okay.
I'm so excited about this pageant, Matt.
People are loving it.
I can't do this.
- What? - No, I mean, like, I can, I just I um I stole the questions for Meryl to give Hayley the inside track.
You what? For the 40 acres on the north side.
- You shook her down? - Well I thought it was playing at her own game, I didn't know that you were gonna get all sex on me.
I mean What does it matter if Hayley wins the competition? Cassie Albright did Swimsuits and Shakespeare with a broken femur from the triathlon, Matt! Gutsy.
Okay.
Yeah, I get it.
I'll be back.
[JIM TALKING QUIETLY.]
Meryl.
A word.
Are you inherently dishonest? Can't bear losing or can't stand the fact that I've done something the town loves and you didn't? Which is it? Don't speak to me like that.
Treat them as genuine questions.
Is it that important that Hayley wins that you cheat? Hayley trained for a certain type of event and you pulled the rug out from under her.
And she's doing great.
She's clearly top 2.
[TEARFULLY.]
You changed my mother's questions.
I'm not falling for it, Meryl.
You really Your mother.
Look I probably underestimated how hard it is to let go of what it was.
It was everything to her and she planned it all year.
I understand, Meryl, but it was dying and it's alive now.
My mother was very angry when she died.
Why? At me.
What? Didn't you run to her bedside? She was in a coma for three days.
I sat there, she came in and out of it, she asked me, "Did you win?" Her face when I told her I missed it, she was very disappointed.
We had planned it for years.
I'm sorry, but she sounds like a cow.
Get out.
I'm sorry to treat you like that when clearly your upset She loved me like a lioness.
She had great expectations for me, and rightfully so.
And I disappointed her.
I was weak.
Okay.
Do I look all right? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Could you be a bit more supportive, Ajax? - Sorry.
- We have to be there for each other in moments of stress.
What happens when the kids have been up all night and we have to harvest and do my blog and pay bills and fix our car? That's what happens, Ajax.
I saw it with my cousin Janine, her husband just abandoned her.
- You'll not abandon me, do you hear? - Yeah.
Sorry.
Oh God.
I'm sorry.
This whole thing is making me into a monster.
Are you okay? What? I'm lecturing you and you're distracted by some problem or other and I should be there for you with whatever that is and I'm not.
It's okay.
Hayley, you look great.
Thank you.
Now you.
What is it? Nothing.
Don't do that.
My dad does that to my mum.
It's something and whatever it is we can deal with it together.
Okay.
It's burning a hole in me.
You're my best friend, so who else would I tell, right? Exactly.
I got a huge crush on Millie.
What? And it makes me think I'm like Hugh, and I won't be able to help myself, and I'll sleep with her, and I don't want to do that.
But you're worried That I will, in the moment.
You want Millie? And you.
No.
Come on, you two.
Stop canoodling.
We've got a pageant to win.
I don't want to cheat on you.
I just I won't.
I can't guarantee I won't Maybe I am like you and if I am - We should break up? - No, that's not what I mean.
Yes, it is.
There you go, mate.
Thanks, mate.
Quiet night.
Yeah.
Everyone's down at the pageant.
Might get a late rush.
Might not.
Sorry I'm late.
Don't give it a second thought.
Might've been sulking about it.
I do appreciate the apology.
Very, very big of you.
I thought we let that go.
We have.
New day.
So, how are you? You with that dazzling small talk.
Are we having duck? Do you have any crystal meth? Uh No.
Ah.
Me neither.
We'll have the duck.
Okay, great.
Cheers.
Cheers.
[APPLAUSE.]
Your best friend starts dating your ex.
How do you deal with it? Well, I think it depends on how much I like the ex.
If I was in love, then they're both dead to me and I write obituaries for both of them in the Gazette.
[LAUGHTER.]
If not so much, then I let it slide.
There's plenty of fish in the sea and not many best friends.
You wake up late for your first day on the job.
What do you do? Am I still stoned? [LAUGHTER.]
What did you write? Ken, they're secret votes.
Come on, be a professional.
If a bushfire sweeps toward town and you can only save one physical, natural or man-made thing, what would it be? The rickety bench in the park with the graffiti that says, "Woz was here.
" The bench? - It's where Ajax first kissed me.
- [AUDIENCE COOS.]
I was talking and he said, "Can you stop for a second?" I said, "Why?" He said, "Because I have to do this.
" And then he kissed me.
I fainted into the corpses groin.
It was highly embarrassing.
Well, I'm sure the corpse enjoyed it.
He never said.
- God, they are rude.
- Yeah, exactly.
- We're closing.
- Of course.
So, what do we do now? A gentleman would take me home.
Well, let's pretend I'm a gentlemen.
The judges will now tally their votes.
While we wait, I have a special treat to honour someone who we owe so much to today.
If one stops and looks at what we have in this town, one is both awed and blessed in the same moment.
Denise Carboy began this pageant in 1961.
I wonder why.
I want the women of Whyhope to be celebrated.
A woman's life can easily be one of forgotten service.
The men got lest we forget, and I want this to be a reminder to all that these young women are special, and are the bedrock to this town's future.
Good answer.
I look at my daughter Meryl and think what a future they have, these young women.
What strength and confidence and care she has.
That generation will be make us, and I hope that in some way this pageant will help push us forward and reflect who these young women are as they change and strengthen.
A round of applause for our founder and a great woman.
[APPLAUSE.]
And now, to our secret judges.
I know thousands of dollars have been bet on who they are [CROWD CHANTS BETTY'S NAME.]
And to everyone's shock, Betty! Ken Lui.
And 29 years since she was last a secret judge, Agnes Gorman.
And the envelope please.
And the winner is Hayley Mills.
It's nice of you to walk me home.
Well, it's nice of you to let me.
Would you class that as an awkward silence? More a moment of nervous anticipation.
Really? What are you anticipating? That would be telling.
Is this a good idea? Can't we just roll with the moment and see what happens? You're right.
Of course, you're wondering whether it's a good idea because you thought I was a bad guy.
That's actually usually a safe bet.
Possibly true.
You've got baggage too, you know.
Your husband was unreliable We're not talking about him.
I've covered for you so many times when you did do it.
Let's not forget that.
I'm right not to trust you.
Tell me I'm not.
You're right.
You're right.
Good night.
Hugh.
Penny.
I Me too.
Don't cry, don't cry baby Don't cry, baby Dry your eyes And let's be sweethearts again And you know, you know I didn't mean To ever treat you so mean Come on, come on sweetheart and let's try over again Don't cry Don't cry, baby Don't cry Don't cry Dry your eyes and let's be sweethearts again Don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry Don't cry, don't cry.