Doogie Kamealoha, M.D. (2021) s02e07 Episode Script

1
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- BENNY: Ooh.
It's little Lahela.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
- STEPH: At your high school graduation.
- Such babies.
Boys, get in here!
We're watching the home
movies I had converted.
The DVDs.
No one uses those anymore either.
I'm most comfortable one
step behind the times.
KAI: I call the good seat!
(SIGHS)
Sorry, bro, but my butt was already
down by the time you "called" it.
Well, you better move your
butt or I'm gonna kick it.
Just find another seat, Kai.
Ooh.
Kai's helping Brian Patrick
build a sandcastle. How cute.
BRIAN: You're crushing me!
What? You told me to find
a seat, this is my seat.
Look at that. You guys
used to be so close.
Ugh. You little fart.
Okay, gonna need some deets
on this Baywatch moment.
BENNY: Oh, that was back
in my wayfinding days.
Wayfinding? What's that?
It's an ancient Polynesian practice of
using the stars, the sun, ocean swells,
and other natural cues
to navigate the ocean.
It's how the first Hawaiians
landed here. It wasn't an accident.
They sailed here on purpose.
Were the tiny shorts a part of it?
I should pull that canoe out
of storage. And those shorts!
All right. Let's see what else we got.
STEPH: Whoa.
Who is this baddie?
Yeah, who is that? She's so cool.
(CLARA SINGING "JUST A GIRL")
Mom?
Did someone call for
Mom? Who needs a snack?
I'll take a Sprite, light ice,
and a neck rub if you're dealing.
Mom, is this you?
- (CLARA CONTINUES SINGING "JUST A GIRL")
- (GASPS)
Ha.
Yes.
- (CHUCKLES)
- (CLARA SINGING "JUST A GIRL")
I was in a ska punk band in college.
The Four-point Os.
("JUST A GIRL" CONTINUES)
I'm sorry. So you're telling
me you were once cool?
That doesn't seem so
crazy to me, but okay.
So, where are we on that Sprite, Ma?
Hey, they still fit.
(BENNY CHUCKLES)
Yup.
(THEME MUSIC)
Lahela, another basket came for you!
This one is from the
orthopedic surgeons.
- Not that I looked or snuck a bite.
- She did both.
Look at you, Miss Shiniest Resident.
Every department wants you to
pick them for your specialty.
I can't believe it's already time
for us to choose our specialties.
It's such a big decision.
I know.
It's literally choosing what
we do for the rest of our lives
and I can't even choose
what I want to wear.
I basically became a doctor
for the scrubs of it all.
I just want to choose
what I'd be best at.
Girl, you're the best
at everything you do.
You're literally a child genius.
Do you know how hard it is working
with someone who's never made a mistake?
Wouldn't it be crazy if I went my entire
life without making a mistake until now,
when choosing my specialty
could ruin everything?
Wouldn't that be funny?
Was never making a mistake a mistake?
(LAUGHS) Come on. Girl,
you're a rock star.
(SIGHS)
Oh, my God, wait.
You just reminded me, there is
this video you guys have to see.
CHARLES: Uh, is that your mom?
- LAHELA: Yes.
- Obsessed!
- Can we get an ab routine? Dang.
- Right?
Oh, are you showing them that video?
Yes, Mom. Because it is amazing.
Uh. It was a long time ago.
(SCOFFS)
(SIGHS)
Kai's about to livestream him
opening his college admissions email.
Hi, Lahela, Granny Hannon.
MilklsYummy666.
Wow.
Eight viewers. Heck, yeah!
I can't believe they tell you,
you got into college by email now.
I mean, what if it goes to
spam and not the good kind?
Oh, I already got a camera set up, BP.
Oh, I think we're recording
for different reasons.
College admission fails
are huge on The Talk.
I'm going viral, baby.
Shut up, twerp.
Come on, guys. Brothers don't fight.
You got this, Kai-Kai.
CLARA: We love you!
Mom, stop. Just like the
refs at an Eagles game,
Kai can't hear you when
you're yelling at the screen.
Okay, here we go.
(KEYBOARD CLANKING)
Sorry. Passwords are hard.
You can't write this stuff.
I got in! I'm going to UH
for agricultural studies!
Yes!
Yes!
- He got it!
- (ALL CHEER)
That's my fricking boyfriend,
he remembered his password!
- And he got into college.
- BENNY: All right!
(ALL CHEER)
A doctor and a farmer. Wow.
You guys really just Googled
jobs and pick the first ones, huh?
(LAUGHS)
These department gifts keep
getting weirder and weirder.
Foot and Ankle gave me this
basket of compression socks
and loose orthotics?
Wow.
Well, I'm not surprised everyone
wants you as their resident.
You are the best one, which I
say as your mom, not your boss.
That would be inappropriate.
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
Oh.
I still can't believe that's you.
I mean, I guess I never really thought
about who you were before I came along.
Yeah. I used to have
all kinds of hobbies.
I sang in a rock band, I
was on my college surf team,
I was in an existentialist book club.
I made belts out of soda can tabs.
(GASPS) Did you know?
I had my nose pierced.
What? No way.
Wait! So does that mean
I can get mine since you
Not till you're 18.
Okay, well, it was worth a try.
So do you ever miss it?
Well, I mean, I love being your
guys' Mom and I love being a doctor.
But, yeah, sometimes I miss
having that third thing.
Being in The Four-point Os
was just pure, stupid fun.
Moms don't get a lot of that.
- So why'd you give it up?
- I didn't give it up.
I just put it on hold
when I started to get busy.
And then I blinked and suddenly
I'm not just a girl anymore.
Now I'm just a mom.
It's weird, though. I still
feel like that girl deep down.
Well, I think you should do it again.
(SIGHS)
Man I would love that.
But there's not a ton of opportunities
for mom doctors to rock out.
(CLARA LAUGHS)
Maybe I'll just crop my scrubs and
go wail into the hospital PA system.
(CHUCKLES)
Good morning!
(KAI GROANS)
Bro, what are you doing?
Well, bro, you're leaving us for UH,
so I'm getting a head start on
all the necessary renovations.
- Ha?
- I'm taking this room, fool.
- The second you're out of here.
- Yeah. No, you're not.
Ugh.
You don't sort your
delicates? How do we share DNA?
Stop touching my stuff and get out.
Oh, and I'm going to be sleeping in
here to get used to the morning light,
- if that's cool.
- No. Not cool and not happening.
Now I'll say it one more
time. Get out of my room.
Hey, what's all the yelling about?
Brian Patrick's being
a little turd per usual.
What, did you look in the turd mirror?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sick
of all this arguing lately.
Brothers should get along.
Brothers should be cool.
(SIGHS) Come with me.
You boys are going to
learn how to wayfind.
Hopefully, in working together
on this ancient Hawaiian practice,
you two will wayfind yourselves
back to being best friends.
(GRUNTS)
Dude.
Great start.
Hey, guys. Exciting news. I'm
putting on a hospital talent show.
The winner gets to pick a
charity for the proceeds to go to.
So, Mom, you get to sing again.
Oh, Lahela, you
You did this for me? That is so sweet.
But I haven't performed
in over a decade.
Oh, this is so exciting.
It's exactly what I need, a distraction
from stressing about
picking my specialty.
I need to go home immediately
to practice my magic.
(CLARA CLEARS THROAT)
Immediately after I
finish my shift, obviously.
- That was implied.
- Yeah.
Come on, Mom. You said
you missed performing.
I know, but I'm just, I'm so rusty.
What if we did it together?
We could sing "Just A
Girl" like you used to.
It'd be so fun.
Okay. Why not?
(BOTH GIGGLE)
A talent show? Dope.
I just did a Zoom stand-up class
and I got some material tryout.
Can't wait to answer the question,
"What if Andrew Dice
Clay grew up in Malaysia?"
Awesome.
Oh, and hey, what's the
green room situation?
Because I need peace, quiet, and
a 12-ounce bottle of Voss water.
And 10 comp tickets because I roll deep.
Now, the key to fronting a ska band
is to have tons of confidence
and attitude, like this.
Wow.
You're good.
Child prodigy, remember?
Right. (LAUGHS)
Next. You need to look cool.
Oh.
Okay. Those are iconic.
Oh. Well, you should wear these
- for our performance.
- Really?
Bequeathing these pants to
you will make me even prouder
than when I bequeathed my
first stethoscope to you.
Aw. (GIGGLES)
Okay, what's the plan
for the rest of our 'fit?
The early 2000 staple.
A white tank to cut up.
Now the key is to mark where
you'll cut while wearing it
like we do on a torso
before a pulmonary resection.
- Here. Do mine first.
- Okay.
Um, a little higher.
Higher.
Higher.
Mom, if I go any higher,
there won't be any shirt left.
- Just give me the marker.
- Okay.
Jeez.
What happened to the woman
that wouldn't let me
wear spaghetti straps
to Zippy's because my bra was showing?
(CLARA LAUGHS)
Oh, there! This is so fun.
I feel like I'm back in college
cutting up shirts with my girlfriends.
Yeah, I love this side of you.
Maybe this ends with us getting
our noses pierced together,
- who knows
- Not gonna happen.
Worth a second try.
Isn't this great?
Just me and my boys,
following our ancestors' path in the art
of pulling the islands out of the sea.
I hate being this far away from land.
Dude, those motion-sick
glasses make you look insane.
Ooh.
I wanna go home.
Okay. You want to paddle back.
Okay, so, first off, you want to
find the direction of the wind.
So close your eyes and
turn your head horizontally.
When the wind pressure is the same
on both sides of your cheek and ears,
that's when you're facing the wind.
So you know which
direction it's coming from.
Fun, right?
(BRIAN GROANS)
Kai! Knock it off.
What, it wasn't me. It was the ocean.
Ugh.
We need to start with the basics.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Just leave me here.
Tell Steph I never stopped loving her.
(BOTH VOCALIZING)
(BOTH SINGING "JUST A GIRL")
(BOTH LAUGH)
- I'm sorry, are we amazing?
- I think we're amazing.
Oh, Lahela, thank you for doing this.
I I can't wait to get back on stage.
And with my daughter?
I mean, dream come true.
Of course, I can't wait for
everyone to see how hard you rock.
Ugh.
(SOFT LAUGH)
(NOELANI SINGING "GIRL ON FIRE")
Oh, hey, what do we think of this?
I need a straitjacket for my act,
but it's even more important
that I look hot up there.
(NOELANI CONTINUES
SINGING "GIRL ON FIRE")
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Noelani's really good.
- (NOELANI SINGING "GIRL ON FIRE")
- I know, right? Girl's got pipes.
My mom and I really need to take it
to the next level if we wanna win.
It's just a talent show,
who cares if you win?
(SINGING "GIRL ON FIRE")
This girl's gonna be fired ♪
if she doesn't keep it down.
Oh, my God. Was I singing
too loud? I'm sorry.
I lose myself when Alicia gets going.
No, you were great.
Really, really great.
(EXHALES DEEPLY) So hot in this thing.
- Look at that big smile.
- (SOFT LAUGH)
Lahela and I have been
practicing for the talent show.
No big deal.
She just organized a whole show,
so her mom could perform again.
That's fantastic.
And I'm teaching the
boys about wayfinding.
Oh, look at us, bonding
with the children we made.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Hey, Mom. I've been thinking
about our performance.
And I have a few ideas
to really make it pop.
Cool. What do you got?
Just a couple of dance moves
to incorporate here and there.
A little pants bedazzling,
body bedazzling, diaphragm work,
smize practice, hip flexibility,
lipstick trials, hair flip coordination.
And where are you on crowd surfing?
Never mind. We can work up to that.
Well, I guess it couldn't
hurt to practice a little more.
Great. Well, boot camp starts
tomorrow morning before work.
I'll see you at 5:00 a.m.
In the morning?
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Oh, it's this way.
Hey!
(YAWNS)
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- Okay.
Three, two, one.
Okay.
Seven, eight.
Switch.
(GROANS)
Five, six, seven, eight.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
What are you doing?
- Really?
- No?
- Again. Again.
- Okay.
Take
Yes, come on. Come on.
Go, go, go. Yup, yup, yup.
(GROANING)
Go down, go down.
What's that cross
for? Come on, come on!
It hurts.
Well, boys, it's been an
honor teaching you wayfinding.
Now it's time for you to
practice for yourselves.
Why would anyone choose not to use GPS?
We're lost at sea.
We're about to become castaways.
We don't even have a
volleyball as a friend.
Well, it took us 15 minutes
to get out here. You're fine.
We're still getting
Four Seasons' wi-fi.
Are there snacks?
I'm starting to feel sick and I need
to push it down with something else.
We just ate. Stop being a baby.
I'm not being a baby, you are.
Whatever you say, baby.
Stop calling me baby.
- Mom?
- Yeah.
- Were you sleeping? At work?
- (SIGHS)
Well, somebody's been
waking me up at 5:00 a.m.
every morning to learn choreography,
which I cannot seem to grasp.
Yeah, about that
I'm worried for our performance.
And I think we need to go
back to the drawing board.
What? No. I I love
what we have. It's fun.
Yeah, but, Noelani's
voice is incredible.
So? Good for her.
So she's going to beat us,
and everyone expects me
The both of us, really,
to be best at everything.
Lahela, punk rock is not about winning.
It's about expressing yourself
and sticking it to the man,
in a respectful, always legal,
no long-term effects on
future success, kind of way.
Right.
Maybe we need less old punk
rock and more trending on TikTok.
You know, bring the house
down with some Lizzo and win.
No.
Singing that song is the whole
reason why I'm doing this.
I don't care about winning.
What?
Okay, you are the most
competitive person I know.
I've seen you flip
over a Candy Land board.
Yes, but this is the one area of my
life where I let go of all of that.
(SIGHS)
You said you were putting
on this talent show for me,
so that I could reconnect with
that other part of myself again.
- Yeah, well, you're a doofus.
- No, you're a doofus.
- No, you're a doofus!
- That's enough!
No. Clearly, we have
different goals for this show.
I just want to rock out
again and have fun with you.
But this is not fun anymore.
I worked so hard teaching you this
practice that means so much to me.
But you don't appreciate it.
You only care about
tearing each other down.
- So I quit.
- I quit.
(WATER SLOSHING)
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
Did Dad just leave us in
the middle of the ocean?
Yup.
Hey, girl.
You haven't seen a dove flitting
around anywhere, have you?
I had one for my magic act
and I can't seem to find it.
I'm sorry, there's a live
bird somewhere in the hospital?
God, I hope it's alive.
Hey, I heard you and your mom dropped
out of the talent show. What happened?
Oh, yeah.
Uh, our act just wasn't coming together.
I want it to be the best, and
she didn't share my vision, so.
Yo, Doogie, you pick your specialty yet?
I no.
I'm still weighing my options.
What's the conundrum? You're
either a cardiologist or you suck.
(CHARLES SIGHS)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS) This is a nightmare.
Why did you have to make Dad so mad?
You're the one who made him mad.
Well, if it wasn't for you
trying to kick me out of my room,
we wouldn't be in this mess.
Thanks for making it clear that you
can't wait to have me gone, by the way.
I don't want you gone.
Did it ever occur to you maybe
I wanted to sleep in your room
to spend more time with you
before you leave me forever?
Wait. So are you saying that you've
been extra annoying recently on purpose?
- Because you think I won't miss you?
- No.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Yes.
Aw, buddy. You're my
dumb little brother.
Of course, I'm going to miss
you when I go to college.
I love you.
- You do?
- Yes.
You're the OG of all OGs,
my first real best friend.
Even if you annoy the
crap out of me sometimes.
You're my best friend too.
Are you are you crying?
No. Those motion-sick goggles
gave me skin irritation.
Um-hmm.
Oh, boy. The current's rough right
now. Feel like I'm going to vom.
Wait.
I can feel the current. It's
headed in that direction.
So paddling that way will
help us get back to land.
You're a genius. Now, all we
have to do is find the wind.
What are you doing?
That thing Dad taught us. Got it.
When I face that way, the wind
pressure is even on my cheeks and ears,
which means it's coming
from that direction.
Whoa.
That's amazing.
Let's ride.
KAI: Yeah, buddy.
- Have you chosen your specialty?
- Yeah.
I'm going to do plastics and focus
on gender-affirmation surgeries.
Oh, wow, Charles, that is amazing.
Thanks. Yeah, I'm really excited.
I worked with this incredible
young woman last week
and just helping her feel
closer to her true self was
was just amazing.
Wanna do that for the rest of my life.
What's up with you?
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
There are just so many
options and it's overwhelming.
(SCOFFS)
(INHALES DEEPLY) I don't
wanna make the wrong choice.
Lahela, you won't.
(CHARLES SCOFFS)
Gosh, must be hard being a brilliant
child genius sometimes, huh?
Well, it's a lot of pressure
to never make a misstep.
It is a lot of pressure.
Maybe give yourself a break from needing
to be perfect at everything right away.
We're just all out here,
like, making mistakes,
and finding ourselves and evolving,
you should get to experience that too.
- Thanks, Charles.
- (CHUCKLES)
So could I get a preview?
- Heck yeah, pick a card.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Put it back.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Oh.
- Was that part of the trick?
- It is not.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Okay, well, it looks like
my magic act might end up
being more of a comedy routine.
Whatever. I'm just going
to have fun with it.
I mean, that's the whole point, right?
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
(WAVES CRASHING)
Doggonit. So ungrateful. These kids.
What-a-matter you?
(GRUNTS)
- BRIAN: We made it! We made it!
- KAI: Yes!
Woo-hoo-hoo.
- BRIAN: Yeah!
- (LAUGHS)
Woo!
- Victory!
- Yeah!
Yeah! You made it!
(LAUGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Gail, burlesque? What? No.
The woman from accounting?
I've been to one of her
shows. She's really good.
Why are you looking at us like that?
Just proud of my boys.
Seeing you two working
together yesterday, as brothers.
A lot of emotion coming from the
dude who left us in the ocean.
I knew it would force you
to work together to unite.
But, maybe we don't tell your mom?
Hey, Mom. I think Dad has
something he wants to tell you.
ANNOUNCER: Paging Dr.
Hannon to room 313.
Dr. Hannon, room 313.
Hold that thought, I'll be right back.
Don't worry, Dad.
I'm gonna save that for when
I need something really good.
But thanks.
Yesterday was awesome.
I got to reconnect with my best friend.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hello? Page for Dr. Hannon?
Lahela. What's going on?
I was hoping you would give me
another chance at our
original performance.
I brought your outfit.
Hey, Oahu! Man, how you guys doing?
Are you ready for some jokes?
If you're holding an aorta at three
o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon,
you might be a cardiologist.
(LAUGHS)
You get it? Because the
aorta's it's part of the heart.
Okay, maybe you need to go
to med school for that one.
Hello. You guys still alive?
Don't worry, it's a hospital.
We can resuscitate you.
It's a it's a hospital joke.
Okay. Hey, why do they call them scrubs?
I mean, we look so terrible in
them, they should call them "shlubs."
(CHUCKLES)
Am I right? "Shlubs."
Shrubs. Spent all day writing that one.
Wow. This crowd sucks.
I was getting a better response
warming up in the morgue.
WOMAN: Get off the stage!
Oh, my God. I'm dying up here.
Mom, I'm sorry.
I've been so stressed out
about picking my specialty
that I lost sight of what
this was really about.
You. Getting to rock out again.
Oh, honey.
It's okay.
I didn't realize you
were so stressed out.
You want to talk about it?
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
I'm just so used to
being the one who has
the answer, even when
other people don't.
And for the first time in my life,
I don't have the answer and it
feels like everyone else does.
I have no idea what I
want to do and it is
scary. (SOFT CHUCKLE)
Hey, I get it.
I remember when I had to
choose my specialty. I
I was so stressed out, I
ate 30 cannoli's in two days.
That Italian deli still
has my photo on the wall.
(CHUCKLES)
- You felt lost, too?
- Oh, yeah.
You and I share the need to be the
best at everything we do, right?
And, that's a good thing.
I mean, it's what
makes you so successful.
But it can also make us unravel
when we feel unsure about something.
How do you handle it?
Well
my advice is not to focus
on making the "best" choice.
Just follow what lights you up inside.
And it's okay if it takes
a minute to figure that out.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
Thanks, Mom.
- You always have the best advice.
- Yeah, I do.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, you have to get changed if
we want to make our performance.
Oh, what about the choreography?
You know I don't remember a darn step.
Don't you remember the
fundamental rule of punk rock?
There are no rules.
(LAUGHS)
Let's rock!
Is that a loose bird?
Oh, it's alive.
I'll text Charles.
(AUDIENCE CHEER, APPLAUSE)
(BOTH SINGING "JUST A GIRL")
MAN: Yeah.
(AUDIENCE CHEER, APPLAUSE)
(AUDIENCE CHEER, APPLAUSE)
I always thought of my
mom as just two things.
My mom, obviously, and my boss.
But it turns out she is
so much more than that.
LAHELA: She was the lead singer
of a ska band, who had a nose ring,
and no idea what specialty
she wanted to choose.
But she figured it out, and so will I.
So I guess the big news this
week is I met someone new.
My mom.
(CLOSING THEME MUSIC)
KIDS: Mom.
(MAN GROANS)