Eagleheart (2010) s02e07 Episode Script
Beat Shack
What's going on? I paid you guys already.
You paid the other guys.
There's a new boss in town.
And since you're overdue, you're over, dude.
But I didn't know! Sir, please.
I wasn't aware.
Who are you, sir? Who are you?! Aaaaaah! Bam! I'm the Scatman.
He calls himself the Scatman.
He's been knocking off rival crime bosses, and now he's going after innocent, uh, civilians.
If we really want to catch this guy, we need to set up a wire tap, get a court order Or we can just round up all the lowlifes in town and treat them/beat them like human piñatas until one of them talks/squawks.
I like Monsanto's plan.
It's easier on the budget.
Well, you haven't heard my plan yet.
Yes, Mobley? So, we're just gonna torture people? Unless you got another suggestion.
I just gave you one.
Oh.
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
Yeah.
Chris thinks that you look like a cat.
Okay.
What do you know about the Scatman? Oh, I see.
Well, you're a little tight-lipped, huh? And a lottle tight-cheeked.
Not here, Monsanto.
We just had the floors done.
Take them out to the beat shack.
What?! Your place is perfect.
My neighbors have been complaining about the screaming.
Well, maybe they need a trip to the beat shack.
Susie, play ball.
Wouldn't you like to be a junior marshal someday and not just a junior lady marshal? Fine.
Come on.
Beat them, Chris.
Beat the stuffings out of them.
And the truth will follow.
Fellas, welcome to the beat shack, not to be confused with the men's tug club of the same name.
Okay, I'll be outside.
Try not to get blood on the plants and keep the noise down.
Okay.
Whatever, honey.
Why don't we start with something like this? Ohh! How do you like that? Hello, Vito.
Scatman! Relax.
I just want to discuss a business proposition with you.
You give up your territory, and I'll give you Aaaaaaah! Bam! Scatman.
Come in, Monsanto.
Someone reported hearing a head pop on 4th and National.
Monsanto, do you copy? This is junior lady marshal Wagner.
I'm on it.
Who? Hey! Freeze! Where's the Scatman? I ain't spilling! Look, you can tell me, or you can wait till Chris Monsanto finds you and brutally beats you.
Brutally? Yeah.
But I'll be nice.
What do you say? Aah! Hey! He's gonna find you and beat the **** out of you! Oh, hello, Susie.
That was quite a little party you had last night.
What? You'd better watch it, missy.
I heard some crazy things in there.
And if you keep it up, you're gonna catch a disease like sex rash-- And deservedly so.
That's a shame.
There are so many people that deserve a sex rash-- The skeezers and teasers and the out-to-pleasers, the down-on-their-kneezers.
I'd give them all sex rash.
'cause we've all heard the story about those crazy birds and the bees but what they didn't tell ya is that human genitalia is a cesspool of disease oh oh, sex rash Is that you, Gardner? That's a real catchy tune.
Dr.
Sinclair.
You ever think of putting it on record? Never occurred to me.
Oh oh, oh, oh, oh, sex rash Cut! No! I'm sorry.
No.
Where's the magic I heard yesterday? I'm sorry.
I can get it back.
Let me just have one more take.
It's the song.
It's missing something.
No.
It's me.
I don't have what it takes.
You got a real good beating coming to you, pal.
You picked the wrong day to spray-paint "hooray for the Scatman" on the side of the marshals' office.
Yeah, unless it's the Scatman's birthday.
Then you picked the perfect day.
I guess I'm dumb.
At least that's what my boss, the Scatman, says.
Where is he? Give me the beat, boys.
Free my soul.
Ohh! Ohh! Know what this is? It's truth serum.
Brett, you gonna hurt this guy? Yes.
Now, where's the Scatman? I forget.
Maybe a couple of knocks to the old brain box will help me remember.
Oh, yeah! Oh, that's great! Oh, yeah! Maybe a couple of shots to the kidneys.
Unh! Whore! Oh, forget it.
I give up.
This guy's harder to break than a lease in Tel Aviv.
Come on.
Let's go get drunk.
Whoo! My hands are sore.
Yeah.
Hey, tomorrow, do you think I'll get big puppy pillow hands like a boxer has? Oh, Brett, no.
You know what? I think you're thinking of gloves.
We'll work on that concept.
Oh, thanks, honey.
Gloves? Why didn't you listen to me, dummy?! I told you Chris would beat you up.
Aah! Okay, I'll talk! I'll talk! Why are you screaming? I'm just trying to be nice.
Aah! Nice?! You're killing me! I'm trying to help you! Stay away from me! I'll talk! I'll talk.
Scatman-- He's not my boss.
He's my brother.
My big brother.
And my boss.
Back before he became the monster called Scatman, he was the monster called Scatboy.
He used to terrorize my parents.
He'd scat the house apart.
There was nothing they could do about it.
They thought maybe he'd be happier if he had a little brother, but he didn't want no little brother.
He tried to scat me right out of the womb, but I survived.
But because of what he did, I had what's known as fetal scat syndrome.
My neurons were flipped.
Pleasure was pain, and pain was pleasure.
When I grew up, he made me join his gang on account of no cop could ever beat a confession out of me-- Till now.
- So - Aah! Do you want to tell me where Scatman is? Stop it! I don't want to hurt you.
I just want to make you feel better.
Oh, my God! He's robbing a bank tonight at the old reserve building! I swear! This is junior lady marshal Wagner.
I just blew this case wide open.
Bee.
Bap.
Doo.
Wap.
Bee, bap, doo, wap.
Bam! Sorry to disappoint you, Scatman, but we're not money.
No, but I do have something that's 6 inches long and green.
Sorry, sweetheart-- Guy talk.
All right.
Kill! Ohh! Marshal Chris Monsanto.
I hear you've been asking about me.
Well, I'm gonna tell you everything you want to know, nice and slow.
Oh.
Bee! Bap! Aah! Skit! Skat! Aah! Dillawop! Boo, dap! Bam! And scat is scat.
Well, congratulations, junior marshal Wagner.
I guess from this day on, you're a lady no more.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
I just wanted to come and apologize to you for going to Chris instead of coming to you first.
But I knew that he would give it to me bad, which feels so good.
Of course! You give it to me bad, which feels so good I got a sex rash Jackpot! Boogie time.
Oh-oh-oh giving me a sex rash you give it to me bad, bad, bad, which makes me feel so good I got a sex rash Will you forgive me? Does that answer your question? Oh, Susie, you're the best! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh, yeah! Ooh, that's good! Oh, I like it! Oh, yeah! Well, now I've seen everything.
oh, oh, oh, oh, sex rash unh God's greatest blunders leads to the world's most useless trash we call them man and woman they're the ones who make the sex rash 'cause we all have stories about the crazy
You paid the other guys.
There's a new boss in town.
And since you're overdue, you're over, dude.
But I didn't know! Sir, please.
I wasn't aware.
Who are you, sir? Who are you?! Aaaaaah! Bam! I'm the Scatman.
He calls himself the Scatman.
He's been knocking off rival crime bosses, and now he's going after innocent, uh, civilians.
If we really want to catch this guy, we need to set up a wire tap, get a court order Or we can just round up all the lowlifes in town and treat them/beat them like human piñatas until one of them talks/squawks.
I like Monsanto's plan.
It's easier on the budget.
Well, you haven't heard my plan yet.
Yes, Mobley? So, we're just gonna torture people? Unless you got another suggestion.
I just gave you one.
Oh.
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
Yeah.
Chris thinks that you look like a cat.
Okay.
What do you know about the Scatman? Oh, I see.
Well, you're a little tight-lipped, huh? And a lottle tight-cheeked.
Not here, Monsanto.
We just had the floors done.
Take them out to the beat shack.
What?! Your place is perfect.
My neighbors have been complaining about the screaming.
Well, maybe they need a trip to the beat shack.
Susie, play ball.
Wouldn't you like to be a junior marshal someday and not just a junior lady marshal? Fine.
Come on.
Beat them, Chris.
Beat the stuffings out of them.
And the truth will follow.
Fellas, welcome to the beat shack, not to be confused with the men's tug club of the same name.
Okay, I'll be outside.
Try not to get blood on the plants and keep the noise down.
Okay.
Whatever, honey.
Why don't we start with something like this? Ohh! How do you like that? Hello, Vito.
Scatman! Relax.
I just want to discuss a business proposition with you.
You give up your territory, and I'll give you Aaaaaaah! Bam! Scatman.
Come in, Monsanto.
Someone reported hearing a head pop on 4th and National.
Monsanto, do you copy? This is junior lady marshal Wagner.
I'm on it.
Who? Hey! Freeze! Where's the Scatman? I ain't spilling! Look, you can tell me, or you can wait till Chris Monsanto finds you and brutally beats you.
Brutally? Yeah.
But I'll be nice.
What do you say? Aah! Hey! He's gonna find you and beat the **** out of you! Oh, hello, Susie.
That was quite a little party you had last night.
What? You'd better watch it, missy.
I heard some crazy things in there.
And if you keep it up, you're gonna catch a disease like sex rash-- And deservedly so.
That's a shame.
There are so many people that deserve a sex rash-- The skeezers and teasers and the out-to-pleasers, the down-on-their-kneezers.
I'd give them all sex rash.
'cause we've all heard the story about those crazy birds and the bees but what they didn't tell ya is that human genitalia is a cesspool of disease oh oh, sex rash Is that you, Gardner? That's a real catchy tune.
Dr.
Sinclair.
You ever think of putting it on record? Never occurred to me.
Oh oh, oh, oh, oh, sex rash Cut! No! I'm sorry.
No.
Where's the magic I heard yesterday? I'm sorry.
I can get it back.
Let me just have one more take.
It's the song.
It's missing something.
No.
It's me.
I don't have what it takes.
You got a real good beating coming to you, pal.
You picked the wrong day to spray-paint "hooray for the Scatman" on the side of the marshals' office.
Yeah, unless it's the Scatman's birthday.
Then you picked the perfect day.
I guess I'm dumb.
At least that's what my boss, the Scatman, says.
Where is he? Give me the beat, boys.
Free my soul.
Ohh! Ohh! Know what this is? It's truth serum.
Brett, you gonna hurt this guy? Yes.
Now, where's the Scatman? I forget.
Maybe a couple of knocks to the old brain box will help me remember.
Oh, yeah! Oh, that's great! Oh, yeah! Maybe a couple of shots to the kidneys.
Unh! Whore! Oh, forget it.
I give up.
This guy's harder to break than a lease in Tel Aviv.
Come on.
Let's go get drunk.
Whoo! My hands are sore.
Yeah.
Hey, tomorrow, do you think I'll get big puppy pillow hands like a boxer has? Oh, Brett, no.
You know what? I think you're thinking of gloves.
We'll work on that concept.
Oh, thanks, honey.
Gloves? Why didn't you listen to me, dummy?! I told you Chris would beat you up.
Aah! Okay, I'll talk! I'll talk! Why are you screaming? I'm just trying to be nice.
Aah! Nice?! You're killing me! I'm trying to help you! Stay away from me! I'll talk! I'll talk.
Scatman-- He's not my boss.
He's my brother.
My big brother.
And my boss.
Back before he became the monster called Scatman, he was the monster called Scatboy.
He used to terrorize my parents.
He'd scat the house apart.
There was nothing they could do about it.
They thought maybe he'd be happier if he had a little brother, but he didn't want no little brother.
He tried to scat me right out of the womb, but I survived.
But because of what he did, I had what's known as fetal scat syndrome.
My neurons were flipped.
Pleasure was pain, and pain was pleasure.
When I grew up, he made me join his gang on account of no cop could ever beat a confession out of me-- Till now.
- So - Aah! Do you want to tell me where Scatman is? Stop it! I don't want to hurt you.
I just want to make you feel better.
Oh, my God! He's robbing a bank tonight at the old reserve building! I swear! This is junior lady marshal Wagner.
I just blew this case wide open.
Bee.
Bap.
Doo.
Wap.
Bee, bap, doo, wap.
Bam! Sorry to disappoint you, Scatman, but we're not money.
No, but I do have something that's 6 inches long and green.
Sorry, sweetheart-- Guy talk.
All right.
Kill! Ohh! Marshal Chris Monsanto.
I hear you've been asking about me.
Well, I'm gonna tell you everything you want to know, nice and slow.
Oh.
Bee! Bap! Aah! Skit! Skat! Aah! Dillawop! Boo, dap! Bam! And scat is scat.
Well, congratulations, junior marshal Wagner.
I guess from this day on, you're a lady no more.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
I just wanted to come and apologize to you for going to Chris instead of coming to you first.
But I knew that he would give it to me bad, which feels so good.
Of course! You give it to me bad, which feels so good I got a sex rash Jackpot! Boogie time.
Oh-oh-oh giving me a sex rash you give it to me bad, bad, bad, which makes me feel so good I got a sex rash Will you forgive me? Does that answer your question? Oh, Susie, you're the best! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh, yeah! Ooh, that's good! Oh, I like it! Oh, yeah! Well, now I've seen everything.
oh, oh, oh, oh, sex rash unh God's greatest blunders leads to the world's most useless trash we call them man and woman they're the ones who make the sex rash 'cause we all have stories about the crazy