Friends s02e07 Episode Script

What is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something repellent about me? How was the party? It couldn't have been worse.
A woman literally passed through me.
What is it? Am I hideously unattractive? No, you are not.
You are very attractive.
I go through the same thing.
When I put on a little weight, I question everything.
I've put on weight? Did you want to? No, not weight.
More like insulation.
I'm unemployed, in dire need of a project.
Wanna work out? I can remake you.
I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.
Please? Come on, let her do it! All right.
If we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home.
Your boobs are fine.
I shouldn't have said anything.
Come here.
Come here! Can't make hands meet! The One Where Ross Finds Out Let's do it! What? Nothing.
Just never seen your little stretchy pants before.
It's cute! And we're changing.
Come on, give me five more! Five more! Five more and I'll flash you.
One two two and a half.
Just show me one of them.
She's insane! The woman is insane.
It's before work, after work, and during work.
She's got me doing butt-clenches at my desk.
And now they won't bring me my mail anymore.
Just tell her you want to stop.
I can't.
All she get to work is all she can got.
So that's why we think maybe we should all picking and buy her own resterant.
Hey, Pheebs.
How'd it go with Scott? It was nice.
Took him to a romantic restaurant ordered champagne.
Nice.
He still won't put out? Nope.
Zilch.
Nothing.
Sorry, Pheebs.
Look, I don't mind taking it slow.
I like him a lot.
He's really interesting, and he's really sweet.
Why won't he give it up? Maybe he drives his car on the other side of the road.
If you know what I mean.
No.
What do you mean? He's not British.
Maybe he's gay.
I don't think that's the problem.
We went dancing the other night and just the way he held me so close and looked into my eyes.
I just definitely felt something.
But how much can you tell from a look? I felt it on my hip.
I could tell.
Yo, Bing! Racquetball in 20 minutes.
Joey, be a pal.
Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
Oh, Rachel! Don't look.
What? I don't care.
I have a date tonight.
You have a date? Monica's setting me up.
What about Ross and.
What? My whole insane jealousy thing? Well, you know, as much fun as that was I've decided to opt for sanity.
You're okay about all this? Oh, yeah, come on! I'm moving on.
He can press her up against that window as much as he wants.
For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
Hi, guys.
Monica, I'll come by tomorrow and pick up Fluffy's old cat toys, okay? If you say his full name.
Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toys? All right.
-You're getting a cat? -Actually, we're getting a cat.
Together? Both of you? Together? It'll live with Ross half the time and with me half the time.
Well, isn't that just lovely? That's something you'll enjoy for a really, really, really long time.
Hopefully.
Look at that.
I gotta go! I got a date! With a man.
You guys have a really good night and you two have a really good cat.
We're not supposed to take these when we leave.
I don't know if Monica told you, but this my first date since my divorce.
If I seem a little nervous I am.
How long do cats live? I'm sorry? Cats.
How long do they live? Figuring you don't throw them under a bus or something? Maybe 1 5, 1 6 years.
Well, that's just great.
Cheers! Right.
Clink.
Monica told you I was cuter than this, didn't she? No, Michael, it's not you.
Sorry.
It's just.
It's this thing.
It's not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
Oh, that does sound.
He just started going out with her.
Is this guy an old boyfriend? Yeah, he wishes.
I'm sorry.
Look at me.
Michael, let's talk about you.
So.
Did you ever get a pet with a girlfriend? -So I figured it out.
-What? Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me.
I'm not sexy enough.
Phoebe, that's crazy.
When I first met you, you know what I said? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack.
" Really? That's so sweet.
I mean, I'm officially offended.
But that's so sweet.
If you wanna know what the deal is, you're gonna have to ask him.
You're right.
You're right.
You are so "yum"! I mean, it's a cat, you know? It's a cat.
Why can't they get a bug? One of those fruit flies.
Those things that live for a day.
What are they called? Fruit flies? Thank you.
Would you like dessert? No dessert.
Just the check.
Please.
Oh, no.
You're not having fun, are you? No, no, I am.
But only because I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Oh, look at me.
Look at me.
I'm on a date with a really great guy.
All I can think about is Ross and his cat and his Julie.
Look, do you want a piece of pie or something? Do like that man, I just screwed this all over.
I just want to get over him.
Why can't I do that? Look, I've been through a divorce.
Trust me, you're gonna be fine.
You can't see it because you haven't had closure Closure! That's what it is! That's what I need! God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that? Well, there's no one way really, it's just.
Whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him: "I'm over you.
" Over you.
That's what it is.
Closure.
Hello? Excuse me? Excuse me.
Hel -Hang on.
-Excuse me? -What? -Hi.
I'm sorry.
I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
-I'm talking.
-I see that.
One phone call, I'll be very quick.
I'll even pay for it myself.
You're being a little weird about your phone.
All right.
Fine.
I'll call you back.
Thank you.
So good people! Machine.
-Just waiting for the beep.
-Good.
Ross! Hi, it's Rachel.
I'm just calling to say that everything's fine.
And I'm really happy for you and your cat.
Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael.
You see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously I am over you.
I am over you.
And that, my friend, is what they call "closure.
" It's Sunday morning.
I'm not running on a Sunday.
-Why not? -Because it's Sunday! It's God's day.
If you say stop, then we stop.
Stop.
No, come on! We can't stop! We got three more pounds to go! I am the energy train and you are on board! And how was the date? I think there was a restaurant.
I know there was wine.
Actually, Julie's getting a cab.
I just need the cat toys.
Did Monica say.
What? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm sorry.
I don't know, l.
I feel like I dreamed about you last night but I don't remember.
There they are.
Did we speak on the phone? Did you call me? No.
I stayed at Julie's last night.
I haven't even been home yet.
Do you mind if I check my messages? Oh, yeah, go ahead.
Rach, I got a message from you! Who's Michael? Oh, my God! Ross, no! Hang up the phone.
Give me the phone! Give me the You're over me? Oh, God! -You're -Oh, God.
You're over me? When were you under me? Rachel, do you? I mean, were you? What? Basically Iately, I've.
I've sort of had feelings for you.
You've had feelings for me? So? You had feelings for me first! You know about my You know I had You know? Chandler told me.
When did he? When did he? When did he? When you were in China.
Meeting Julie.
Julie.
That's Oh, God! I need to lie down.
No, I'm gonna stand.
I'm gonna stand and I'm gonna walk.
I'm walking and I am standing.
Now you're over me? Are you over me? That's Julie.
-Hi, Julie.
-I've got a cab waiting.
I'll be right down! Wait, so you're going? Well, okay, I have to.
I can't deal with this right now.
I mean, I've You know, I've got a cab.
I've got a girlfriend.
I'm gonna go get a cat.
Cat! -Hey, Joey.
-Hey, Pheebs.
How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar? I can't find the remote.
Thank you.
Scott asked me to come over for lunch and I did.
-And? -And we did.
All right! Way to go! Yea, me! So how did it happen? I took your advice and asked him what was going on.
What did he say? He understands how sex can be a very emotional thing for a woman.
And he was just afraid that I was going to get all: "ls he gonna call me the next day?" and "Where is this going?" So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be serious.
So I said, "Okay.
Relax, please.
" Sex can be just about two people right there in the moment.
If he wants to see me again, he can call.
If not, that's fine too.
So after a lot of talking I convinced him.
Let me get this straight.
He got you to beg to sleep with him.
He got you to say he never has to call you again.
And he got you thinking this is a great idea? This man is my god! This one is cute.
Don't you think.
Yeah.
This one is cute, that one is cute, and they are all cute.
Let's just wrap one and get the hell out of here.
-Are you OK! -yeah, me, sure! You know this is the big step for us, but I'm got feeling that will be OK.
I know, I know! Do you have any cat really old and incrediblly sick.
Rose, I don't want one suppose to die.
See, we should work that out before we came down here.
I will get a little narrow down with this one over here and this one with the stricks.
You pick! -I have to pick? -whickever one you want.
I don't know.
I mean it's not easy to choose.
You know both cat are beautiful,funny.
You will be happy with either cat.
Do you want to take both? I can't have two cats.
Joey is kind of guy to have two cats.
I didn't get a cat.
That's interesting.
No, it's not "interesting.
" It's very, very not interesting.
It's actually 100% the opposite of interesting.
I got it, Ross.
You had no right to say you had feelings for me.
I was doing great with Julie before I knew! I was doing great before I knew about you! You think it's easy to see you with Julie? You should've said something before! I didn't know then.
And how come you never said anything? There was never a good time.
You only had a year.
And we only hung out every night! Not every night.
It's not like I didn't try.
But things got in the way.
You know, like ltalian guys or ex-fiances or ltalian guys.
There was one ltalian guy, okay? And do you have a point? The point is, I don't need this right now! Okay? It's too late.
I'm with somebody else.
I'm happy.
This ship has sailed! You're just gonna put away your feelings for me? I've done it since ninth grade.
I'm good at it.
All right, fine.
You go ahead and do that.
I don't need your ship! -Good.
-Good! And you know what? Now I got closure! Try the bottom one.
Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning.
We're not working out.
It's over.
No way! With one pound to go? Come on! We're workin', we're movin' We're in the zone, we're groovin' I don't mind the last pound.
In fact, I kind of like the last pound.
So don't make me do anything that I'll regret.
What you gonna do, fat boy? What? Nothing.
Except tell you it's wonderful how much energy you have.
Well, thanks.
Especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.
You can't tell your parents you were fired, because they'd be disappointed.
It's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
Well, no.
But l.
If it were me, I'd have difficulty getting out of bed at all.
You know, I try to stay positive.
So you.
You feel like going for a run? All right.
Because you don't have to.
You could just take a nap right here.