Huff (2004) s02e07 Episode Script
So...What Brings You to Armageddon?
Why? Because you wouldn't talk about it in the car.
Well, I didn't want to get into it.
Well, then just say that you don't want to get into it.
I mean, sitting behind the wheel smirking like a goddamn toadstool isn't very helpful.
It never was.
I wasn't smirking.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Craig.
You were too smirking, filled with glee because you thought you were helping me.
And you are not sleeping in here.
I had it with your drool years ago.
Tough night there.
DUI, resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer.
It was not assault.
That lesbian broke my zipper.
It was assault.
She's lucky she had the cash to bail herself out.
Dad, I thought you were off to China or Macao or Akron or whatever.
You only had 10 hours to live or something.
Family's always been a priority for me.
You know that, Craig.
And you also know that life can change faster than a fly's ass in a swatter.
Right.
So, uh, when are you leaving, dad? Craig, it's late.
Why don't we just all try to get some shut-eye before some other fresh hell is left on our doorstep? Dad, I don't think she wants you to go in there.
Nonsense.
She didn't mean a word of it.
Judge Swan's in the conference room for the Sams deposition, and he's already pissy.
The dead girl's parents, yeah, they were already crying when they got off the elevator, which was half an hour ago.
Meeks is in there trying to convince Matt Stewart that nothing's wrong.
Shit, he just looked at me.
Fuck.
For God's sake, Russell, where are you? Fuck, he's coming to my desk.
I have to go.
Margaret.
Oh, good morning, Mr.
Meeks.
Where is he? I'm sure that he's on his way.
Traffic and all.
Everyone else managed to be here on time.
Right.
He must be parking his car.
For God's sake, Russell.
You better fucking be parking your car.
I cannot cover this.
Yes, in the, um, in the yellow bucket.
Mom, there's no yellow bucket.
Oh, Byrd, we've had a yellow bucket for years.
I'm telling you, mom, there's no yellow bucket.
Yes, it's on the-- on the-- oh.
Blue bucket.
Ok, the gloves are yellow, mom, the bucket is blue.
Uhh-uhh, and the bucket is still on the counter.
- Byrd, my man! - Hey! Hey.
Hey, Ben, Huff said you were here.
He didn't tell me anything.
Hey, are you gonna be here tonight? Please be here tonight.
I got to go to school.
Oh.
Hey, you're running a little late, aren't you? Oh, it's all right.
I'm tutoring this freshman for extra credit.
Oh.
Speaking of which, how you doing with that trim of yours? Is she still messing with your head? Gail broke it off a couple months ago, but I see her every once in a while, if she's lucky.
Oh, nice.
Nice.
What's with the yellow gloves? - Chem class.
- Yeah.
Look, I gotta go, but please be here tonight, ok? Right.
He's grown a foot.
"Trim"? Sorry.
So Huff said you were here, and then he said you were leaving.
And then you brought Izzy home.
And then-- thanks-- and then you were leaving again, and then no, you were upstairs with Izzy.
But now you're here downstairs with me.
- Yes.
- Hi.
It's good to see you.
Good to see you, too.
Do you want some breakfast? I can make you some eggs or cereal.
- I have pretty much everything.
- No, no, I'm really not hungry.
I wouldn't make you do that anyway.
Although Suishi could make a mean cold trout you didn't have to set an alarm for.
- So how is Su-su-su - Suishi.
It's pronounced "see ooh shee.
" So how is she? She's alive.
Do you got any alph-keri? Izzy's got cracked heels.
She's got some hundred-dollar crap cream up there, but she needs alph-keri to keep her calluses from splitting open.
Izzy has calluses? Don't let Izzy fool you.
She's riddled with them.
Yes, Mr.
Meeks.
It's 9:27.
He's 27 minutes late.
If he's not here precisely at 9:30, which is precisely 3 minutes from now, this case is in dire straights, which is more than an embarrassment, and not just because Mr.
Stewart is a personal friend of mine.
- And here he is now.
- Well, it's about time.
- Oh, Matt.
- I meant Mr.
Stewart is here now.
Do you want a drink? Mr.
Stewart has been here for 45 minutes.
Where is Russell Tupper? I'm sorry about all of this, Matt.
He was meeting with my son, right? That must be what's holding him up.
Why? Did he call? Is something wrong? No, no, no.
It's just L.
A.
traffic.
Freeways, you know.
He has to take the 405.
I took the 405.
I got here on time.
I'll be right in.
I'll be right in.
I think it best if I do the goddamn deposition.
Where are his notes? I think probably in his car.
Jesus fucking Christ in heaven, where's my fucking car? Goddamn it! Oh, fuck me! Taxi man! Hey, hey, taxi man! Fuck me! Hey, stop, buddy.
Hey, hey hey! Fact-- the car was moving.
Fact-- the car stopped.
Yeah.
You don't exactly have to be a psychiatrist to see that, though, do you? If you'd only read about this therapy in my book, you'd probably be skeptical, but now that you've witnessed it for yourself, you have no grounds for skepticism.
Shouldn't we get going? Have you read any of my books? Particularly the one on alternative autistic therapies? I'm waiting for the musical.
Hey, is it ok if I tell your students that we smoked dope together last week? You can tell my students anything you like.
I'm just very pleased that you agreed to speak to them.
Now shut up.
Watch what happens when I turn up the volume.
See, when Randall reorganizes his brain activity it causes the car to run around the track.
Oh, I see.
That's very cool, actually.
But, you know, what's the kid supposed to do, go to social mixers and job interviews with an iPod crammed into his ear? - Skeptical.
- Not skeptical.
It's sarcastic.
Oh, I stand corrected.
Well, I don't remember you being too skeptical last week when we got stoned to the tits.
I remember you as being all peace and love and joy.
Well, I was stoned.
Well, maybe you should try drug therapy for yourself.
Maybe I should.
What, uh what'd you have in mind? Fucking go around, man.
We are stuck.
It is big truck.
Yeah, so drive around.
There, see the sidewalk? Look, no one's using the sidewalk.
Use the fucking sidewalk.
Look, we are stuck.
Buddy, I'm late for work, ok? I can't-- I can't not get to work.
I'm gonna lose a big fucking case.
I already lost my watch and my wallet and my fucking cell phone and my car.
I cannot lose this fucking case! So, goddamn it, you bitch motherfucker! Drive the fucking sidewalk and get me the fuck-- We are stuck.
It is big truck! - Move over, man.
- Hijacker! - Move the fuck over! - Hijacker! Hijacker! Hijacker! Aah! I'm not a fucking hijacker, man! I'm just late for work.
Hijacker! Hijacker! Hijacker! My dad came by last night.
He's going away.
He's probably going on a secret mission.
A secret mission.
Wow.
What kind? Well, he couldn't tell me that.
Otherwise it wouldn't be a secret.
Oh, right.
Right, right, silly me.
Y ep.
It's like when you lose something and somebody says, "where's the last place you saw it?" If I knew the last place I saw it, it wouldn't be lost.
Exactly.
My dad's great.
He's robust.
"Robust.
" I like that word.
What about your dad? Oh.
My father died last year.
Yeah.
He was sick for, like, 3 years, and, um he wasted away to almost nothing.
He was, like, 90 pounds when he died.
- That's terrible.
- Yeah.
Sometimes, um, at night I dream about him, and it's really good.
And in the daytime I-- I make myself dream about him, and it's even better.
'Cause at nighttime, in my dreams, he's really sick, but in the daytime he's-- he's funny and he's alive and-- well, you know robust.
- My dad's robust.
- I know.
You told me.
So, maybe he comes-- or when he comes back you could meet him.
Oh, I would like that.
I'd like to see your house, too.
Yeah.
The thing is, there's a cleaning lady there right now, and she doesn't like me around when she's cleaning.
Not that it's dirty.
It's clean.
I'm very neat.
It's just that it-- we can't go together there now, that's all.
It's ok.
Look at the ocean.
Let's look at the sea.
See the sea.
It doesn't have to try to be anything other than what it is.
- Just the ocean.
- Yeah.
More than enough.
Hey, Virginia, nice new shoes.
Honey, I don't have any money, so I need you to go and see dirty downey down in H.
R.
, get some petty cash, go pay the nice arab gentleman in the gypsy cab downstairs.
Ok? Triple the meter.
That's what I promised him.
Triple the meter.
And hurry, hurry, because he threatened to blow himself up or something if I didn't pay him in 5 minutes.
Go, go, go! Chop, chop! Shit, new shirt.
Ok.
Hey, where's my shirt? Supposed to have some dry-cleaning.
You forgot-- you-- you didn't pick up the laundry, did you? Can you smell my breath? I've got bad breath.
From there, can you smell it? Doesn't matter.
Ok, honey, where's the depo notes? I need the fucking-- the depo notes.
And pullf the Sams file.
You have the-- you got the depo notes? You got-- you got the depo notes? What the fuck? Move it, goddamn it.
Shit.
Shit.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
You, uh, you told me-- you told him a little story? You cover for me, sweetie, a little bit? The only thing that could cover you now is a 500-pound cat in a litter box.
You're fucked, Russell.
No, I'm not.
No such thing.
I am not fucked! No! No, I'm not.
- You're fucked.
- No.
No such thing.
I'm not fucked.
And I lied for you and I got caught, so I'm fucked, too.
- We're both fucked.
- We're not fucked.
Through the floor, we're fucked.
We are fucked! We are fucked, Russell.
Shit.
Ok.
Honey, you and me, we're gonna figure this out, all right? Here we go.
It's 11:00, Russell, and you have no fucking client.
The other lawyers have already left.
The judge with the tight jockey shorts left.
Even the crystal meth freak's father-- you know, Meeks' fuck buddy from college or whatever, even he left.
The only one still here is Mr.
"Senior name partner" Meeks himself.
Shit, Russell.
Alan.
Russell.
Come on in, bud.
M argaret.
Maggie.
Sit.
I can explain.
I Alan I was hit by a moving vehicle.
A urine truck? - Actually-- - Do not even try, Russell.
- No, no.
Really.
- Please.
Please? I've cleaned up after you for years.
Well, you've certainly cleaned up because of me.
Not for a long time.
Ah, your memory is short, but-- And yours is revisionist.
Sure, there was a time when your billings justified this $220-a-square-foot wool carpet, the tens of thousands of dollars in expense reports for restaurants that don't even exist, country clubs that have never seen you, business gifts to people who've never been born.
But that was quite a while ago.
Whatever happened in there this morning, I'm sure can be fixed.
Let me tell you what's going to happen because of what didn't happen in there this morning.
Judge Swan is going to cite our firm, you're going to be reported to the state bar, and my best friend could lose everything.
Now I'm sure these things don't mean much to you, but they mean a lot to me.
Look, Alan, I had a shit morning, ok? I was robbed.
My car was stolen.
I will fix this.
You know that I can.
Do you know what bothers me most? That I gave my word to my best friend that I would help him.
Sometimes our word is all we have, Russell.
Usually, it's the one thing nobody can take away from us unless we give it away, but you stole it right out from under me this morning.
And in my book, that is unforgivable.
You got to relax a tiny bit about this, just a bit, ok? My best friend, Russell.
You know, if he's such a dear old pal of yours and I'm such a fuck-up, why didn't you take the case, partner, huh? Just go home, Russell.
Just go home.
Does my hair look weird? This isn't a class on narcissism, Huffstodt.
It's a class on alternative psychiatric therapies.
That's not my strong suit, you know? They know that.
They're just gonna ask you about your practice.
Are they assholes? Pretty much, yes.
That's great.
Hey, do you think you could possibly bend its head so it's licking its asshole? You know, like, force its head into its asshole? Wow, I wish I could lick my asshole.
Hey, move out of the way for a sec.
Dude, that's-- that's gross.
That's beautiful.
Could you pry open its eyes? No.
No.
No, eyes, they weird me out.
Windows to the soul and all that.
But you're all right with electrode prods on bird brains and fetal pigs? That's fucked up, Ely.
Hey, you know what? I think I saw a doggie door.
Let's bring him into the den.
And by "us" you mean me, right? Right.
You volunteered to be art director.
Yes.
Yes.
I--I did.
It's different, you know, every day is different.
Last week I had a patient not show up because she felt good.
She said she was going to the movies.
So how are you gonna handle that? We'll talk about it.
What, the movie or the fact that she was a no-show? Both probably, knowing this patient.
- You're charging her, right? - Yeah.
How do you justify charging someone who doesn't think they need you? Well, she wouldn't be seeing me if she didn't think she needed me.
But she didn't see you, she went to the movies.
And you're charging her what, 200, 250 an hour? Uh, 300.
- 300? - Shit.
What kind of car do you drive? There's actually 2 issues with charging a patient-- No, seriously, what kind of car do you drive? Seriously, I drive a BMW.
- What year? - 2005.
- 745? - 6 series, actually.
Convertible.
Silver mist with black interior.
I've got brochures available if anybody's interested.
I don't what the hell this has to do with psychiatry, but-- You sound angry.
Enjoying this, are you? A little, yeah.
Great.
I'm not angry.
Really.
Just we were talking about charging patients, then all of a sudden, I'm discussing what kind of car I drive.
Ok, so what are you gonna tell the movie girl? "You're really important to me, and you weren't here last week, and you owe me $300 because you didn't show up?" No.
Um, charging patients and patients not wanting to be there are 2 separate issues, you know? For some patients, charging them for not showing up is actually part of their recovery.
From what, feeling good? Who the hell are these people? Med students.
What about patients who think you don't really care about them 'cause you charge them for missed appointments? If you were a true friend, you wouldn't do that.
Well, I'm not a true friend, am I? I'm their doctor.
So you don't care? No.
Of course I care.
What about your patient last year who committed suicide in your office? He shot himself in the head, I believe, right in front of you.
Tell us how you cared for him and how you felt about it afterwards.
Huffstodt! Come on.
Stop running.
I'm not running.
I'm walking.
You're running.
How come you couldn't answer the question about Sam? Oh, you know his name now, huh? Yeah, how come you couldn't answer the question? I chose not to answer that question.
It's none of those little fucks business.
Yeah.
Well, the little fucks didn't ask the question.
I did.
I don't like being sandbagged like that, all right? You want to dig your little alternative claws into me or whatever the fuck it is you just did in there, do it on your own time, ok? Not mine.
Huffstodt? - You lost it in there.
- I did not lose it in there.
You lost it in front of a bunch of yoohas.
- It's yahoos.
- Yeah, whatever.
They pushed you next to a rock and a place that is hard.
You gave them your gold.
Please, Istvan, I want to handle this myself.
Well, they've got the part of you that is best, and they won.
You lost.
Ok, thank you.
And what was that unglued meltdown about anyway, huh? Sam the suicide? I thought you worked through that.
Shut up, all right? Just shut up.
Ok, shut up.
Please.
Please, stop beating yourself up, ok? Miss Lena may be able to help you.
Miss Lena? Please, please, please, admit it.
Why else are you here? I'm here to talk to her students.
Wake up and smell the unspoken need.
You don't give a shit about them.
They don't give a shit about you.
And this is the third time I told you to go to the doctor for your stomach.
Could it be the last? You're getting better and better at hiding the pain, and that's not good! Ok, move the foot to the left a bit.
Byrd, can you please hurry up.
I'm gonna throw up in, like, 2 minutes.
Just move the fucking foot, ok? Shit, man, the leg came off! It's not funny! Yeah, it is, dude.
Fuck, man, somebody's home.
Hey, hey! Leave the cat, all right? Where are they coming from, the front or the back? Uh, uh back.
Hey! Go! Go! Back! Back! Hey, you! Hey! Hey! Hey! Oh, fuck.
What? What the? Is he here? Is Ben here? No.
He went to the store.
He wants to cook dinner.
What's up? Oh I am so distraught.
I don't know who to talk to or who to call.
Alice is a gossip, and, uh, Joy is she's just not very bright.
I would call Lois, but she's dead.
But she knew Ben.
She knew his hideous ways.
Well, looks like I'm your girl.
Oh, thank God you're here.
I mean that, darling.
I really mean it.
Thank you.
What are you looking for? When did he go? Did he leave out the front or the back, eh? Do you know what store he went to? A half an hour ago, out the back, and I have no idea.
Oh, my God.
I don't want him here, Beth.
I do not want him eating our food or sleeping in our beds our driving our cars.
It's not fair.
It's just not fair.
So tell him.
I have worked so hard at surviving.
Tell him? Yes.
- Tell him.
- Tell him.
Yes.
Say, "Ben, I don't want you here.
I would like you to leave.
" You know, maybe it would be better if I just acted that way but didn't say anything.
I'm really very skilled that way.
Mother was a genius.
Maybe he'd figure it out, huh? What if he doesn't? Oh I just don't trust myself.
I really don't.
I have worked so long at trying to get to the point where I hold my head up high and really mean it.
I know, and you are very good at that.
I know.
Yeah, yeah.
Brava, me.
Clap, clap, clap.
You know, when he picked me up from that damn jail-- I suppose Huff told you that I was stopped for what the authorities called a D-W-U-I-- I.
O.
U.
or something.
Driving under the influence.
Yes, that, but I must tell you, I had no influence, just--just some wine.
Only--only some wine.
Oh oh, my God, I loved Lee Remick in that wine and roses movie.
Oh, she was so lovely.
Yeah, she was just in her 50s.
Cancer.
It's so sad.
Have you been drinking this morning, Izzy? Really, Beth, just because I'm rambling on, is that it? Ok.
Ok, look, if you don't want Ben here, then I don't think he should be here.
So come to his fish fest tonight, and I will help you get the ball rolling.
I mean, you know, I will help you talk about it over dinner.
Dinner? Oh, my God, he's back.
I--I was not here.
Whenever had this talk.
I--I'm going to leave.
Izzy, you live here.
Darling, thank you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You are so understanding.
One good thing can be said about California: You can always find fresh fish.
Were you able to find a steamer? No, but I say, what the hell? Let's just throw caution to the wind and fry the sucker.
What do you say to that? I say, I can't wait for dinner.
That's what I say.
Ok, good enough.
- Who is it?! - Kelly Knippers? That's me.
Who the hell are you? U.
P.
S.
What? U.
P.
S.
--U.
P.
S.
Oh! "Ups.
" Kelly Knippers? With a "K," yes.
What have we here? - 2 large crates.
- Yes.
I see that.
But I didn't order anything, so I shouldn't sign, should I, I mean, if I didn't order anything? I mean, what if it's C.
O.
D.
? This one's paid for in full.
Really? Huh.
Where did it come from? Babies rock.
Probably furniture.
Here's a card.
Thank you.
Sweet.
It's from the baby's daddy.
You know, my husband.
He's in Iraq.
So's my baby's daddy.
Really? What arm? I--I mean, division? Uh, what do you call it? Infantry.
Marine.
He's in charge of machine gunners and missile men who secure runways.
Lot of car bombs on those roads.
My God, how do you sleep at night? Who said I was sleepin'? So how about you? What's your man do? Oh, well nothing at all as dangerous as yours.
Important, though but not as dangerous.
You know, a lot of guys, they get all messed up, you know, being there and all, and sometimes there's drugs.
You're too young, but in Vietnam, there were a lot of drugs.
He, um, works with the guys so they don't get, you know, messed up in the head.
Drugs.
He works with the drugs.
Don't you kid yourself.
That's important, too.
Once people get messed up in the head with that stuff, chances are pretty good they might never come back.
Yes.
I know.
- Yeah? - Russell Hi.
It's Kelly.
I called the office.
Yeah, and Maggie said you'd gone home, said you weren't feeling well.
Yeah.
Little cold.
Achy and scratchy.
Cold.
Eh.
Well, do you need anything? I mean, can I get you any jewish penicillin or anything? Nope.
No, no, no.
No drugs.
No drugs.
You sent me baby rocks.
Baby rocks? You know, this fabulous crib.
Oh, baby rocks.
Mommy needs a crib.
And daddy sent mommy a crib.
You're a doll.
You're an absolute doll.
- Eh! Daddy's gotta go.
- Sure.
Daddy has to go.
You're welcome.
Daddy has a call.
Well mommy thanks you.
Daddy has to go.
Always fresher with the head on.
Like people, the head rots first.
Got any corn meal? Uh yeah, I do.
And corn oil, too.
It fries better in corn oil.
Olive oil is shit.
You know, they, uh they eat the guts in China, gallbladder, too.
It brightens the eyes and cuts a fever in half.
You ever had catfish gallbladder? No, I have not.
Ah, hold on, though.
I've got to see you do this.
I would love to prepare Izzy a gallbladder one day.
Probably hers.
Byrd? - Mrs.
Huffstodt? - Yes? Byrd, what's wrong with your eye? I hit him.
- You hit him? - That's right.
I hit him.
And I'd do it again.
Why in the hell did you hit him? Let go of him.
Ely, get in here! They broke into my house.
I walked in on them desecrating my property.
Oh, we weren't desecrating your property, ok? Mom, listen, James and I had this whole thing worked out.
James Cullen? What? The Cullens on Westgate? Oh, great.
They'll be my next stop.
What's goin' on out here? You Mr.
Huffstodt? One of them.
Who are you? Tom Franklin.
I live over on encilia.
He hit Byrd.
Take you hand off there.
Let me look at it.
It's not that bad.
Byrd had stopped running away from him.
"Stopped running"? Yeah.
Yeah, he stopped.
He stopped because he had every intention of dialoguing with this asshole.
Watch your mouth.
Yes, sir.
But as soon as he turned around, this charming gentleman over here took his-- Watch your mouth, I said.
This person took a swing at Byrd-- A kid.
He punched out a kid, a mere child-- Shut up.
There's a fish head out on the kitchen counter.
You go out there, and you put that on your eye.
Move it! Then you get back here pronto! I'll get him some ice.
Now, you don't go anywhere.
You stay right there.
Now let's hear it as you see it.
I found these kids wandering around my house.
They shoved this through the doggie door.
It looks like a boiled cat.
More like skinned.
Good job, too.
Clean-- Look, I don't know what kind of hobbies you people have going on over here, but, uh, I offered your son a couple of choices-- Thanks, but he's my grandson.
I told him either I could go to the police, or I could bring him to you and we could take care of this mano a mano.
No real man goes hand-to-hand with a 15-year-old boy.
What's your name again? Franklin.
Tom Franklin.
I live over on-- Yeah, yeah.
I heard you the first time.
Look, I appreciate your prudent handling of the situation.
However, if I ever catch anyone laying a hand on this boy, I'll spend 3 days skinning and boiling said person, and I will keep him alive during the process.
I've seen it done, comprende, mano? I was doing you a favor.
I could have gone to the authorities.
Well, you don't have to go to the authorities now.
I am the authority.
So you just keep your fuckin' hands off my grandson.
Go home.
Now, change your locks.
Gramps that was so awesome.
You're lucky I'm not your father.
I'd black the other one.
Now you get your overpriveleged, disrespectful ass up to your room, and you go home.
Drop--drop the cat.
Leave it.
What's the matter? Your father never talks to you like that? No, he doesn't, actually.
Well, I'm gonna have to talk to him when he gets come.
Now, come on.
Get goin'.
Move it! And give me that goddamn fish head.
Russell Come in.
I didn't boil a cat.
Um so, um do you remember last year when your mom and I kind of freaked out because we found this lipstick in your underwear and we were afraid you were turning into some sort of transgender, transvestite, gay, drag queen guy? Dad, not all transgenders are gay.
Not all drag queens are transvestites.
Yeah.
Well, we miss those days, Byrd.
Dad, do you actually think that I boiled a cat? Actually, uh, dad said it was skinned.
Yeah, well, he really-- he flipped out like I've never seen him flip out before.
Well, welcome to my world.
It was skinned when we got it.
We borrowed it from a science lab.
You borrowed it from a science lab? Were you planning on returning this cat? Yeah, yeah, except its leg kinda came off when Ely tried to shove it through the doggy door.
Byrd, it's not funny, actually.
I need you to be honest with me, ok? Because serial killers boil cats.
What the hell were you doing there? It's a photography exhibit.
It's a commentary on contemporary urban life, you know, how fat and glossy we all look on the outside while we're rotting on the inside.
It's a photo exhibit? We thought it would be interesting if all the animals are posed in different surroundings, you know? Jesus, Byrd, how many different places did you break into? Like 4.
Byrd.
That's breaking and entering.
Well, not a lot of people would let us put 3 fetal pigs dripping with formaldehyde on their 600-count sheets, you know what I mean? What? No, nothing.
Great.
Ok, a photo exhibit.
Fantastic.
Thank you.
- Spinach? - Yes.
Thank you.
Byrd, would you like some spinach? Sure.
Thank you.
Gram, you want some spinach? God, no.
Dad, do you want some spinach? Sure.
Why not? Thanks, Byrd.
So, Izzy, how was your day? I'm sorry.
What's, uh, what's so funny there, dad? Oh man.
once an elevator door was closing.
It bumped your mother's shoulder, and she said, "oh, excuse me, please.
I'm sorry.
" She apologized to a door.
Remember that, Isabel? Who could forget? Good fish, huh? Everybody like it? - It's great.
- It's really good, dad.
Well, maybe tomorrow I can rustle up a nice little boiled cat.
For the last time, I did not boil or skin a cat, ok? It was for a photography exhibit.
Oh, that's bullshit, Byrd.
No, it's not bullshit, sir.
You watch your tone.
It's not bullshit.
Hey, you get back to this table, young man, now! Stop it.
Stop it, dad.
Don't tell him what to do.
- What did you say to me? - Stop telling him what to do.
He's not your child.
I'm sorry?! Careful, dad.
People might think you're apologizing.
No.
That word is not in his vocabulary.
What is it this time, Ben? Money? Do you need money? I'll write you a check, huh? Oh, no.
What am I thinking? Silly me.
It's Ben Huffstodt.
I'll probably have to go to the bank and get a satchel of unmarked bills.
That's it, Isabel.
Drink up.
You're not hearing me, Ben.
I'll pay you to leave.
All you have to do is pack up your crummy little duffle.
I'm sure that someone in this house will be more than happy to take you to the airport.
It's not that simple.
No.
Of course it's not that simple: you're involved.
Huh! You show up unexpectedly for the umpteenth time with some lame excuse.
Oh, yeah, this time it has to do with Teddy.
I have to talk to Teddy.
I have to make amends with Teddy.
I have 10 hours to talk to Teddy.
Please, Craig.
Please take me to Teddy.
Well, you've-- you've made your amends, and I think that that's very good.
Mission accomplished.
But he's still sick, isn't he? And he will always remember you as hateful, no matter what you said to him.
You weren't there.
You don't know.
Why is it that you've never finished anything in your life? You most certainly never finished with me.
You didn't finish with your children.
You can't even finish a leaving.
You are nothing but a sunset, Ben, a long, drawn out sunset.
Teddy got sick, and you left.
I had a breakdown, and you left.
Craig begged you to stay, and you left.
It wasn't just the leaving because people leave people every day.
It's the way you left.
You left real shitty.
Guess what, mister sergeant, captain, lieutenant special forces whoremonger, or whatever you are this week we survived very well without you, yeah.
Are we screwed up? Pbbllt! You bet your ass we're screwed up.
Do we love each other? Oh, you bet your ass we love each other, even though we practically kill each other trying to show it.
Can you hear me, Ben? We don't need you here.
We don't want you here.
You said--you said you were leaving.
For once in your life, why don't you finish something? Hmm? Let the goddamn sun set and leave.
Nah now is not a good time.
I just don't feel like going.
Mommy? Hi, mommy.
Hi, ma.
Mama.
What are you doin'? Well, come on.
Has it been that long? No--4 weeks? No, sir.
No, ma'am.
Well, anyway, I'm sorry.
I was just thinking of you and pops.
How is he-- is he there? Is papa there--father? No.
I didn't know that.
Well, you could've called me.
You could've called me.
I would've listened.
I could do that.
Yes, well promise.
I promise next time, ok? I promise.
Yo, yeah, Christmas.
Yep.
Christmas.
You bet.
Oh, boy.
Ok, mama.
Look-- oh, call-waiting coming.
Oh, I gotta take this.
I gotta take this.
It's a guy-- I can't call him back.
He's been calling me.
I can't call him back.
Bye.
Yeah.
Ok.
Yeah.
I promise.
Ok.
Bye-bye.
Well, that was a fun dinner, huh? How's Byrd? He's ok.
In a way, I'm kinda glad he finally got a taste of the old man there, you know? So it's ok for him to be mad at Ben, but not at you? No.
That's not what I said.
It's just he kinda idealizes my father, you know? It's about time that he saw that the guy can be a real jerk, too.
Why? So he can feel sorry for you? What the fuck is goin' on with you? My son is breaking into people's homes, and it's ok with his father.
It's not ok with me.
I didn't say that, either.
Ok, do you think what he did was bullshit? Uh, not totally, no.
- Not totally? - No.
What he did was wrong, and he's gonna get punished for it, but it was also just an art project, you know? Yeah.
See, I don't see it that way.
- You don't, huh? - No, I don't.
Enlighten me.
Ok, well, he was going into white collar neighborhoods and photographing animals so that he could make some kind of statement about society.
And breaking into people's houses to do it.
Yes, but he didn't take anything.
It's not like he's a criminal or something.
Only because he didn't get caught.
Well, he did, and we're just lucky that guy didn't call the police or unlucky.
I-- Maybe a night in juvenile hall would have straightened Byrd out.
Are you kidding me? Hey, look, you know, somebody's gotta do it.
Obviously you're not up to it.
Um, exactly how long have you been sitting on that one? I am so fucking sick and tired of you validating every single thing he does, no matter what it is.
- I don't validate everything-- - Yes, you do.
Are you his buddy, or are you his fucking father? I do not fucking validate every single thing he does, Beth.
Yes.
You are so afraid of being the bad guy, it's like-- it's fucking pathetic.
Ok, you don't like the way I parent? Why don't you go fucking talk to him then, huh? He stormed away from the dinner table, screaming, "it is not bullshit!" He didn't storm away.
He didn't scream, either.
He was upset, and he tossed his napkin.
Don't do that.
Don't correct me.
I fucking hate when you do that.
Don't fucking cut my balls off.
I fucking hate when you do that.
What balls? You're afraid to discipline your own son! I'm not afraid to discipline my son, goddamn it! I'm capable of seeing more than one side to something.
Oh, yeah.
Ok, so and I'm not?! I don't know.
Are you?! Everything is so fucking black and white with you.
You're thinking is so fucking limited, you know? So I'm stupid?! Is that what you're saying? Yeah, Beth, you're stupid.
That's what I'm-- Yeah.
I can't talk to you now.
I'm goin' for a walk.
Good.
Make it a long one.
Try real hard to be asleep by the time I get back, huh? - Good evening.
- Good evening.
Can I help you with anything? Oh, no, no.
I'm fine.
Um, I'm just looking for my family.
That's all.
Well, there hasn't been anybody in here for quite a few hours now.
Last time I saw them they were in here, and I'm not really sure where they've gone.
Got it.
Well, please, let me know if you need a map or directions or anything.
Will do.
Thank you.
I had not one, but 2 patients attempt suicide this week.
Really? Yeah.
Both of them were convinced they couldn't live without their spouses, spouses who despise them.
I only ever wanted to kill myself over one girl.
I wanted to do it really bloody right in front of her so she'd know exactly how badly she hurt me.
Was that me? 'Cause a boy drove his car up onto our porch when I was about 15.
Really? My father sent me to St.
Catherine's 2 days later.
No.
That was not me.
I just wanted to cut my wrists and bleed out on her lawn where she'd see me on her way to school.
I really did.
When I told her what I had in mind, she said that she just woulda stepped over me because she'd never been tardy to school in her life and wasn't about to fuck up her attendance record for me.
How'd that make you feel? I started dating her sister.
He said as he passed his female colleague the enormous fatty after she'd gutted him like a lab rat in front of her students earlier.
Hey, do you really still do MDMA therapy? Well, ecstasy, MDMA-- whatever you want to call it.
Yes, I do.
Where the hell do you get it? Same place you would.
Why you want to get some? I don't know.
I don't know.
Let me think about it.
Is that why you came back here tonight to think about it? I just--I wanted to play with the little toy car.
Really.
Oh, I believe you.
>
Well, I didn't want to get into it.
Well, then just say that you don't want to get into it.
I mean, sitting behind the wheel smirking like a goddamn toadstool isn't very helpful.
It never was.
I wasn't smirking.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Craig.
You were too smirking, filled with glee because you thought you were helping me.
And you are not sleeping in here.
I had it with your drool years ago.
Tough night there.
DUI, resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer.
It was not assault.
That lesbian broke my zipper.
It was assault.
She's lucky she had the cash to bail herself out.
Dad, I thought you were off to China or Macao or Akron or whatever.
You only had 10 hours to live or something.
Family's always been a priority for me.
You know that, Craig.
And you also know that life can change faster than a fly's ass in a swatter.
Right.
So, uh, when are you leaving, dad? Craig, it's late.
Why don't we just all try to get some shut-eye before some other fresh hell is left on our doorstep? Dad, I don't think she wants you to go in there.
Nonsense.
She didn't mean a word of it.
Judge Swan's in the conference room for the Sams deposition, and he's already pissy.
The dead girl's parents, yeah, they were already crying when they got off the elevator, which was half an hour ago.
Meeks is in there trying to convince Matt Stewart that nothing's wrong.
Shit, he just looked at me.
Fuck.
For God's sake, Russell, where are you? Fuck, he's coming to my desk.
I have to go.
Margaret.
Oh, good morning, Mr.
Meeks.
Where is he? I'm sure that he's on his way.
Traffic and all.
Everyone else managed to be here on time.
Right.
He must be parking his car.
For God's sake, Russell.
You better fucking be parking your car.
I cannot cover this.
Yes, in the, um, in the yellow bucket.
Mom, there's no yellow bucket.
Oh, Byrd, we've had a yellow bucket for years.
I'm telling you, mom, there's no yellow bucket.
Yes, it's on the-- on the-- oh.
Blue bucket.
Ok, the gloves are yellow, mom, the bucket is blue.
Uhh-uhh, and the bucket is still on the counter.
- Byrd, my man! - Hey! Hey.
Hey, Ben, Huff said you were here.
He didn't tell me anything.
Hey, are you gonna be here tonight? Please be here tonight.
I got to go to school.
Oh.
Hey, you're running a little late, aren't you? Oh, it's all right.
I'm tutoring this freshman for extra credit.
Oh.
Speaking of which, how you doing with that trim of yours? Is she still messing with your head? Gail broke it off a couple months ago, but I see her every once in a while, if she's lucky.
Oh, nice.
Nice.
What's with the yellow gloves? - Chem class.
- Yeah.
Look, I gotta go, but please be here tonight, ok? Right.
He's grown a foot.
"Trim"? Sorry.
So Huff said you were here, and then he said you were leaving.
And then you brought Izzy home.
And then-- thanks-- and then you were leaving again, and then no, you were upstairs with Izzy.
But now you're here downstairs with me.
- Yes.
- Hi.
It's good to see you.
Good to see you, too.
Do you want some breakfast? I can make you some eggs or cereal.
- I have pretty much everything.
- No, no, I'm really not hungry.
I wouldn't make you do that anyway.
Although Suishi could make a mean cold trout you didn't have to set an alarm for.
- So how is Su-su-su - Suishi.
It's pronounced "see ooh shee.
" So how is she? She's alive.
Do you got any alph-keri? Izzy's got cracked heels.
She's got some hundred-dollar crap cream up there, but she needs alph-keri to keep her calluses from splitting open.
Izzy has calluses? Don't let Izzy fool you.
She's riddled with them.
Yes, Mr.
Meeks.
It's 9:27.
He's 27 minutes late.
If he's not here precisely at 9:30, which is precisely 3 minutes from now, this case is in dire straights, which is more than an embarrassment, and not just because Mr.
Stewart is a personal friend of mine.
- And here he is now.
- Well, it's about time.
- Oh, Matt.
- I meant Mr.
Stewart is here now.
Do you want a drink? Mr.
Stewart has been here for 45 minutes.
Where is Russell Tupper? I'm sorry about all of this, Matt.
He was meeting with my son, right? That must be what's holding him up.
Why? Did he call? Is something wrong? No, no, no.
It's just L.
A.
traffic.
Freeways, you know.
He has to take the 405.
I took the 405.
I got here on time.
I'll be right in.
I'll be right in.
I think it best if I do the goddamn deposition.
Where are his notes? I think probably in his car.
Jesus fucking Christ in heaven, where's my fucking car? Goddamn it! Oh, fuck me! Taxi man! Hey, hey, taxi man! Fuck me! Hey, stop, buddy.
Hey, hey hey! Fact-- the car was moving.
Fact-- the car stopped.
Yeah.
You don't exactly have to be a psychiatrist to see that, though, do you? If you'd only read about this therapy in my book, you'd probably be skeptical, but now that you've witnessed it for yourself, you have no grounds for skepticism.
Shouldn't we get going? Have you read any of my books? Particularly the one on alternative autistic therapies? I'm waiting for the musical.
Hey, is it ok if I tell your students that we smoked dope together last week? You can tell my students anything you like.
I'm just very pleased that you agreed to speak to them.
Now shut up.
Watch what happens when I turn up the volume.
See, when Randall reorganizes his brain activity it causes the car to run around the track.
Oh, I see.
That's very cool, actually.
But, you know, what's the kid supposed to do, go to social mixers and job interviews with an iPod crammed into his ear? - Skeptical.
- Not skeptical.
It's sarcastic.
Oh, I stand corrected.
Well, I don't remember you being too skeptical last week when we got stoned to the tits.
I remember you as being all peace and love and joy.
Well, I was stoned.
Well, maybe you should try drug therapy for yourself.
Maybe I should.
What, uh what'd you have in mind? Fucking go around, man.
We are stuck.
It is big truck.
Yeah, so drive around.
There, see the sidewalk? Look, no one's using the sidewalk.
Use the fucking sidewalk.
Look, we are stuck.
Buddy, I'm late for work, ok? I can't-- I can't not get to work.
I'm gonna lose a big fucking case.
I already lost my watch and my wallet and my fucking cell phone and my car.
I cannot lose this fucking case! So, goddamn it, you bitch motherfucker! Drive the fucking sidewalk and get me the fuck-- We are stuck.
It is big truck! - Move over, man.
- Hijacker! - Move the fuck over! - Hijacker! Hijacker! Hijacker! Aah! I'm not a fucking hijacker, man! I'm just late for work.
Hijacker! Hijacker! Hijacker! My dad came by last night.
He's going away.
He's probably going on a secret mission.
A secret mission.
Wow.
What kind? Well, he couldn't tell me that.
Otherwise it wouldn't be a secret.
Oh, right.
Right, right, silly me.
Y ep.
It's like when you lose something and somebody says, "where's the last place you saw it?" If I knew the last place I saw it, it wouldn't be lost.
Exactly.
My dad's great.
He's robust.
"Robust.
" I like that word.
What about your dad? Oh.
My father died last year.
Yeah.
He was sick for, like, 3 years, and, um he wasted away to almost nothing.
He was, like, 90 pounds when he died.
- That's terrible.
- Yeah.
Sometimes, um, at night I dream about him, and it's really good.
And in the daytime I-- I make myself dream about him, and it's even better.
'Cause at nighttime, in my dreams, he's really sick, but in the daytime he's-- he's funny and he's alive and-- well, you know robust.
- My dad's robust.
- I know.
You told me.
So, maybe he comes-- or when he comes back you could meet him.
Oh, I would like that.
I'd like to see your house, too.
Yeah.
The thing is, there's a cleaning lady there right now, and she doesn't like me around when she's cleaning.
Not that it's dirty.
It's clean.
I'm very neat.
It's just that it-- we can't go together there now, that's all.
It's ok.
Look at the ocean.
Let's look at the sea.
See the sea.
It doesn't have to try to be anything other than what it is.
- Just the ocean.
- Yeah.
More than enough.
Hey, Virginia, nice new shoes.
Honey, I don't have any money, so I need you to go and see dirty downey down in H.
R.
, get some petty cash, go pay the nice arab gentleman in the gypsy cab downstairs.
Ok? Triple the meter.
That's what I promised him.
Triple the meter.
And hurry, hurry, because he threatened to blow himself up or something if I didn't pay him in 5 minutes.
Go, go, go! Chop, chop! Shit, new shirt.
Ok.
Hey, where's my shirt? Supposed to have some dry-cleaning.
You forgot-- you-- you didn't pick up the laundry, did you? Can you smell my breath? I've got bad breath.
From there, can you smell it? Doesn't matter.
Ok, honey, where's the depo notes? I need the fucking-- the depo notes.
And pullf the Sams file.
You have the-- you got the depo notes? You got-- you got the depo notes? What the fuck? Move it, goddamn it.
Shit.
Shit.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
You, uh, you told me-- you told him a little story? You cover for me, sweetie, a little bit? The only thing that could cover you now is a 500-pound cat in a litter box.
You're fucked, Russell.
No, I'm not.
No such thing.
I am not fucked! No! No, I'm not.
- You're fucked.
- No.
No such thing.
I'm not fucked.
And I lied for you and I got caught, so I'm fucked, too.
- We're both fucked.
- We're not fucked.
Through the floor, we're fucked.
We are fucked! We are fucked, Russell.
Shit.
Ok.
Honey, you and me, we're gonna figure this out, all right? Here we go.
It's 11:00, Russell, and you have no fucking client.
The other lawyers have already left.
The judge with the tight jockey shorts left.
Even the crystal meth freak's father-- you know, Meeks' fuck buddy from college or whatever, even he left.
The only one still here is Mr.
"Senior name partner" Meeks himself.
Shit, Russell.
Alan.
Russell.
Come on in, bud.
M argaret.
Maggie.
Sit.
I can explain.
I Alan I was hit by a moving vehicle.
A urine truck? - Actually-- - Do not even try, Russell.
- No, no.
Really.
- Please.
Please? I've cleaned up after you for years.
Well, you've certainly cleaned up because of me.
Not for a long time.
Ah, your memory is short, but-- And yours is revisionist.
Sure, there was a time when your billings justified this $220-a-square-foot wool carpet, the tens of thousands of dollars in expense reports for restaurants that don't even exist, country clubs that have never seen you, business gifts to people who've never been born.
But that was quite a while ago.
Whatever happened in there this morning, I'm sure can be fixed.
Let me tell you what's going to happen because of what didn't happen in there this morning.
Judge Swan is going to cite our firm, you're going to be reported to the state bar, and my best friend could lose everything.
Now I'm sure these things don't mean much to you, but they mean a lot to me.
Look, Alan, I had a shit morning, ok? I was robbed.
My car was stolen.
I will fix this.
You know that I can.
Do you know what bothers me most? That I gave my word to my best friend that I would help him.
Sometimes our word is all we have, Russell.
Usually, it's the one thing nobody can take away from us unless we give it away, but you stole it right out from under me this morning.
And in my book, that is unforgivable.
You got to relax a tiny bit about this, just a bit, ok? My best friend, Russell.
You know, if he's such a dear old pal of yours and I'm such a fuck-up, why didn't you take the case, partner, huh? Just go home, Russell.
Just go home.
Does my hair look weird? This isn't a class on narcissism, Huffstodt.
It's a class on alternative psychiatric therapies.
That's not my strong suit, you know? They know that.
They're just gonna ask you about your practice.
Are they assholes? Pretty much, yes.
That's great.
Hey, do you think you could possibly bend its head so it's licking its asshole? You know, like, force its head into its asshole? Wow, I wish I could lick my asshole.
Hey, move out of the way for a sec.
Dude, that's-- that's gross.
That's beautiful.
Could you pry open its eyes? No.
No.
No, eyes, they weird me out.
Windows to the soul and all that.
But you're all right with electrode prods on bird brains and fetal pigs? That's fucked up, Ely.
Hey, you know what? I think I saw a doggie door.
Let's bring him into the den.
And by "us" you mean me, right? Right.
You volunteered to be art director.
Yes.
Yes.
I--I did.
It's different, you know, every day is different.
Last week I had a patient not show up because she felt good.
She said she was going to the movies.
So how are you gonna handle that? We'll talk about it.
What, the movie or the fact that she was a no-show? Both probably, knowing this patient.
- You're charging her, right? - Yeah.
How do you justify charging someone who doesn't think they need you? Well, she wouldn't be seeing me if she didn't think she needed me.
But she didn't see you, she went to the movies.
And you're charging her what, 200, 250 an hour? Uh, 300.
- 300? - Shit.
What kind of car do you drive? There's actually 2 issues with charging a patient-- No, seriously, what kind of car do you drive? Seriously, I drive a BMW.
- What year? - 2005.
- 745? - 6 series, actually.
Convertible.
Silver mist with black interior.
I've got brochures available if anybody's interested.
I don't what the hell this has to do with psychiatry, but-- You sound angry.
Enjoying this, are you? A little, yeah.
Great.
I'm not angry.
Really.
Just we were talking about charging patients, then all of a sudden, I'm discussing what kind of car I drive.
Ok, so what are you gonna tell the movie girl? "You're really important to me, and you weren't here last week, and you owe me $300 because you didn't show up?" No.
Um, charging patients and patients not wanting to be there are 2 separate issues, you know? For some patients, charging them for not showing up is actually part of their recovery.
From what, feeling good? Who the hell are these people? Med students.
What about patients who think you don't really care about them 'cause you charge them for missed appointments? If you were a true friend, you wouldn't do that.
Well, I'm not a true friend, am I? I'm their doctor.
So you don't care? No.
Of course I care.
What about your patient last year who committed suicide in your office? He shot himself in the head, I believe, right in front of you.
Tell us how you cared for him and how you felt about it afterwards.
Huffstodt! Come on.
Stop running.
I'm not running.
I'm walking.
You're running.
How come you couldn't answer the question about Sam? Oh, you know his name now, huh? Yeah, how come you couldn't answer the question? I chose not to answer that question.
It's none of those little fucks business.
Yeah.
Well, the little fucks didn't ask the question.
I did.
I don't like being sandbagged like that, all right? You want to dig your little alternative claws into me or whatever the fuck it is you just did in there, do it on your own time, ok? Not mine.
Huffstodt? - You lost it in there.
- I did not lose it in there.
You lost it in front of a bunch of yoohas.
- It's yahoos.
- Yeah, whatever.
They pushed you next to a rock and a place that is hard.
You gave them your gold.
Please, Istvan, I want to handle this myself.
Well, they've got the part of you that is best, and they won.
You lost.
Ok, thank you.
And what was that unglued meltdown about anyway, huh? Sam the suicide? I thought you worked through that.
Shut up, all right? Just shut up.
Ok, shut up.
Please.
Please, stop beating yourself up, ok? Miss Lena may be able to help you.
Miss Lena? Please, please, please, admit it.
Why else are you here? I'm here to talk to her students.
Wake up and smell the unspoken need.
You don't give a shit about them.
They don't give a shit about you.
And this is the third time I told you to go to the doctor for your stomach.
Could it be the last? You're getting better and better at hiding the pain, and that's not good! Ok, move the foot to the left a bit.
Byrd, can you please hurry up.
I'm gonna throw up in, like, 2 minutes.
Just move the fucking foot, ok? Shit, man, the leg came off! It's not funny! Yeah, it is, dude.
Fuck, man, somebody's home.
Hey, hey! Leave the cat, all right? Where are they coming from, the front or the back? Uh, uh back.
Hey! Go! Go! Back! Back! Hey, you! Hey! Hey! Hey! Oh, fuck.
What? What the? Is he here? Is Ben here? No.
He went to the store.
He wants to cook dinner.
What's up? Oh I am so distraught.
I don't know who to talk to or who to call.
Alice is a gossip, and, uh, Joy is she's just not very bright.
I would call Lois, but she's dead.
But she knew Ben.
She knew his hideous ways.
Well, looks like I'm your girl.
Oh, thank God you're here.
I mean that, darling.
I really mean it.
Thank you.
What are you looking for? When did he go? Did he leave out the front or the back, eh? Do you know what store he went to? A half an hour ago, out the back, and I have no idea.
Oh, my God.
I don't want him here, Beth.
I do not want him eating our food or sleeping in our beds our driving our cars.
It's not fair.
It's just not fair.
So tell him.
I have worked so hard at surviving.
Tell him? Yes.
- Tell him.
- Tell him.
Yes.
Say, "Ben, I don't want you here.
I would like you to leave.
" You know, maybe it would be better if I just acted that way but didn't say anything.
I'm really very skilled that way.
Mother was a genius.
Maybe he'd figure it out, huh? What if he doesn't? Oh I just don't trust myself.
I really don't.
I have worked so long at trying to get to the point where I hold my head up high and really mean it.
I know, and you are very good at that.
I know.
Yeah, yeah.
Brava, me.
Clap, clap, clap.
You know, when he picked me up from that damn jail-- I suppose Huff told you that I was stopped for what the authorities called a D-W-U-I-- I.
O.
U.
or something.
Driving under the influence.
Yes, that, but I must tell you, I had no influence, just--just some wine.
Only--only some wine.
Oh oh, my God, I loved Lee Remick in that wine and roses movie.
Oh, she was so lovely.
Yeah, she was just in her 50s.
Cancer.
It's so sad.
Have you been drinking this morning, Izzy? Really, Beth, just because I'm rambling on, is that it? Ok.
Ok, look, if you don't want Ben here, then I don't think he should be here.
So come to his fish fest tonight, and I will help you get the ball rolling.
I mean, you know, I will help you talk about it over dinner.
Dinner? Oh, my God, he's back.
I--I was not here.
Whenever had this talk.
I--I'm going to leave.
Izzy, you live here.
Darling, thank you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You are so understanding.
One good thing can be said about California: You can always find fresh fish.
Were you able to find a steamer? No, but I say, what the hell? Let's just throw caution to the wind and fry the sucker.
What do you say to that? I say, I can't wait for dinner.
That's what I say.
Ok, good enough.
- Who is it?! - Kelly Knippers? That's me.
Who the hell are you? U.
P.
S.
What? U.
P.
S.
--U.
P.
S.
Oh! "Ups.
" Kelly Knippers? With a "K," yes.
What have we here? - 2 large crates.
- Yes.
I see that.
But I didn't order anything, so I shouldn't sign, should I, I mean, if I didn't order anything? I mean, what if it's C.
O.
D.
? This one's paid for in full.
Really? Huh.
Where did it come from? Babies rock.
Probably furniture.
Here's a card.
Thank you.
Sweet.
It's from the baby's daddy.
You know, my husband.
He's in Iraq.
So's my baby's daddy.
Really? What arm? I--I mean, division? Uh, what do you call it? Infantry.
Marine.
He's in charge of machine gunners and missile men who secure runways.
Lot of car bombs on those roads.
My God, how do you sleep at night? Who said I was sleepin'? So how about you? What's your man do? Oh, well nothing at all as dangerous as yours.
Important, though but not as dangerous.
You know, a lot of guys, they get all messed up, you know, being there and all, and sometimes there's drugs.
You're too young, but in Vietnam, there were a lot of drugs.
He, um, works with the guys so they don't get, you know, messed up in the head.
Drugs.
He works with the drugs.
Don't you kid yourself.
That's important, too.
Once people get messed up in the head with that stuff, chances are pretty good they might never come back.
Yes.
I know.
- Yeah? - Russell Hi.
It's Kelly.
I called the office.
Yeah, and Maggie said you'd gone home, said you weren't feeling well.
Yeah.
Little cold.
Achy and scratchy.
Cold.
Eh.
Well, do you need anything? I mean, can I get you any jewish penicillin or anything? Nope.
No, no, no.
No drugs.
No drugs.
You sent me baby rocks.
Baby rocks? You know, this fabulous crib.
Oh, baby rocks.
Mommy needs a crib.
And daddy sent mommy a crib.
You're a doll.
You're an absolute doll.
- Eh! Daddy's gotta go.
- Sure.
Daddy has to go.
You're welcome.
Daddy has a call.
Well mommy thanks you.
Daddy has to go.
Always fresher with the head on.
Like people, the head rots first.
Got any corn meal? Uh yeah, I do.
And corn oil, too.
It fries better in corn oil.
Olive oil is shit.
You know, they, uh they eat the guts in China, gallbladder, too.
It brightens the eyes and cuts a fever in half.
You ever had catfish gallbladder? No, I have not.
Ah, hold on, though.
I've got to see you do this.
I would love to prepare Izzy a gallbladder one day.
Probably hers.
Byrd? - Mrs.
Huffstodt? - Yes? Byrd, what's wrong with your eye? I hit him.
- You hit him? - That's right.
I hit him.
And I'd do it again.
Why in the hell did you hit him? Let go of him.
Ely, get in here! They broke into my house.
I walked in on them desecrating my property.
Oh, we weren't desecrating your property, ok? Mom, listen, James and I had this whole thing worked out.
James Cullen? What? The Cullens on Westgate? Oh, great.
They'll be my next stop.
What's goin' on out here? You Mr.
Huffstodt? One of them.
Who are you? Tom Franklin.
I live over on encilia.
He hit Byrd.
Take you hand off there.
Let me look at it.
It's not that bad.
Byrd had stopped running away from him.
"Stopped running"? Yeah.
Yeah, he stopped.
He stopped because he had every intention of dialoguing with this asshole.
Watch your mouth.
Yes, sir.
But as soon as he turned around, this charming gentleman over here took his-- Watch your mouth, I said.
This person took a swing at Byrd-- A kid.
He punched out a kid, a mere child-- Shut up.
There's a fish head out on the kitchen counter.
You go out there, and you put that on your eye.
Move it! Then you get back here pronto! I'll get him some ice.
Now, you don't go anywhere.
You stay right there.
Now let's hear it as you see it.
I found these kids wandering around my house.
They shoved this through the doggie door.
It looks like a boiled cat.
More like skinned.
Good job, too.
Clean-- Look, I don't know what kind of hobbies you people have going on over here, but, uh, I offered your son a couple of choices-- Thanks, but he's my grandson.
I told him either I could go to the police, or I could bring him to you and we could take care of this mano a mano.
No real man goes hand-to-hand with a 15-year-old boy.
What's your name again? Franklin.
Tom Franklin.
I live over on-- Yeah, yeah.
I heard you the first time.
Look, I appreciate your prudent handling of the situation.
However, if I ever catch anyone laying a hand on this boy, I'll spend 3 days skinning and boiling said person, and I will keep him alive during the process.
I've seen it done, comprende, mano? I was doing you a favor.
I could have gone to the authorities.
Well, you don't have to go to the authorities now.
I am the authority.
So you just keep your fuckin' hands off my grandson.
Go home.
Now, change your locks.
Gramps that was so awesome.
You're lucky I'm not your father.
I'd black the other one.
Now you get your overpriveleged, disrespectful ass up to your room, and you go home.
Drop--drop the cat.
Leave it.
What's the matter? Your father never talks to you like that? No, he doesn't, actually.
Well, I'm gonna have to talk to him when he gets come.
Now, come on.
Get goin'.
Move it! And give me that goddamn fish head.
Russell Come in.
I didn't boil a cat.
Um so, um do you remember last year when your mom and I kind of freaked out because we found this lipstick in your underwear and we were afraid you were turning into some sort of transgender, transvestite, gay, drag queen guy? Dad, not all transgenders are gay.
Not all drag queens are transvestites.
Yeah.
Well, we miss those days, Byrd.
Dad, do you actually think that I boiled a cat? Actually, uh, dad said it was skinned.
Yeah, well, he really-- he flipped out like I've never seen him flip out before.
Well, welcome to my world.
It was skinned when we got it.
We borrowed it from a science lab.
You borrowed it from a science lab? Were you planning on returning this cat? Yeah, yeah, except its leg kinda came off when Ely tried to shove it through the doggy door.
Byrd, it's not funny, actually.
I need you to be honest with me, ok? Because serial killers boil cats.
What the hell were you doing there? It's a photography exhibit.
It's a commentary on contemporary urban life, you know, how fat and glossy we all look on the outside while we're rotting on the inside.
It's a photo exhibit? We thought it would be interesting if all the animals are posed in different surroundings, you know? Jesus, Byrd, how many different places did you break into? Like 4.
Byrd.
That's breaking and entering.
Well, not a lot of people would let us put 3 fetal pigs dripping with formaldehyde on their 600-count sheets, you know what I mean? What? No, nothing.
Great.
Ok, a photo exhibit.
Fantastic.
Thank you.
- Spinach? - Yes.
Thank you.
Byrd, would you like some spinach? Sure.
Thank you.
Gram, you want some spinach? God, no.
Dad, do you want some spinach? Sure.
Why not? Thanks, Byrd.
So, Izzy, how was your day? I'm sorry.
What's, uh, what's so funny there, dad? Oh man.
once an elevator door was closing.
It bumped your mother's shoulder, and she said, "oh, excuse me, please.
I'm sorry.
" She apologized to a door.
Remember that, Isabel? Who could forget? Good fish, huh? Everybody like it? - It's great.
- It's really good, dad.
Well, maybe tomorrow I can rustle up a nice little boiled cat.
For the last time, I did not boil or skin a cat, ok? It was for a photography exhibit.
Oh, that's bullshit, Byrd.
No, it's not bullshit, sir.
You watch your tone.
It's not bullshit.
Hey, you get back to this table, young man, now! Stop it.
Stop it, dad.
Don't tell him what to do.
- What did you say to me? - Stop telling him what to do.
He's not your child.
I'm sorry?! Careful, dad.
People might think you're apologizing.
No.
That word is not in his vocabulary.
What is it this time, Ben? Money? Do you need money? I'll write you a check, huh? Oh, no.
What am I thinking? Silly me.
It's Ben Huffstodt.
I'll probably have to go to the bank and get a satchel of unmarked bills.
That's it, Isabel.
Drink up.
You're not hearing me, Ben.
I'll pay you to leave.
All you have to do is pack up your crummy little duffle.
I'm sure that someone in this house will be more than happy to take you to the airport.
It's not that simple.
No.
Of course it's not that simple: you're involved.
Huh! You show up unexpectedly for the umpteenth time with some lame excuse.
Oh, yeah, this time it has to do with Teddy.
I have to talk to Teddy.
I have to make amends with Teddy.
I have 10 hours to talk to Teddy.
Please, Craig.
Please take me to Teddy.
Well, you've-- you've made your amends, and I think that that's very good.
Mission accomplished.
But he's still sick, isn't he? And he will always remember you as hateful, no matter what you said to him.
You weren't there.
You don't know.
Why is it that you've never finished anything in your life? You most certainly never finished with me.
You didn't finish with your children.
You can't even finish a leaving.
You are nothing but a sunset, Ben, a long, drawn out sunset.
Teddy got sick, and you left.
I had a breakdown, and you left.
Craig begged you to stay, and you left.
It wasn't just the leaving because people leave people every day.
It's the way you left.
You left real shitty.
Guess what, mister sergeant, captain, lieutenant special forces whoremonger, or whatever you are this week we survived very well without you, yeah.
Are we screwed up? Pbbllt! You bet your ass we're screwed up.
Do we love each other? Oh, you bet your ass we love each other, even though we practically kill each other trying to show it.
Can you hear me, Ben? We don't need you here.
We don't want you here.
You said--you said you were leaving.
For once in your life, why don't you finish something? Hmm? Let the goddamn sun set and leave.
Nah now is not a good time.
I just don't feel like going.
Mommy? Hi, mommy.
Hi, ma.
Mama.
What are you doin'? Well, come on.
Has it been that long? No--4 weeks? No, sir.
No, ma'am.
Well, anyway, I'm sorry.
I was just thinking of you and pops.
How is he-- is he there? Is papa there--father? No.
I didn't know that.
Well, you could've called me.
You could've called me.
I would've listened.
I could do that.
Yes, well promise.
I promise next time, ok? I promise.
Yo, yeah, Christmas.
Yep.
Christmas.
You bet.
Oh, boy.
Ok, mama.
Look-- oh, call-waiting coming.
Oh, I gotta take this.
I gotta take this.
It's a guy-- I can't call him back.
He's been calling me.
I can't call him back.
Bye.
Yeah.
Ok.
Yeah.
I promise.
Ok.
Bye-bye.
Well, that was a fun dinner, huh? How's Byrd? He's ok.
In a way, I'm kinda glad he finally got a taste of the old man there, you know? So it's ok for him to be mad at Ben, but not at you? No.
That's not what I said.
It's just he kinda idealizes my father, you know? It's about time that he saw that the guy can be a real jerk, too.
Why? So he can feel sorry for you? What the fuck is goin' on with you? My son is breaking into people's homes, and it's ok with his father.
It's not ok with me.
I didn't say that, either.
Ok, do you think what he did was bullshit? Uh, not totally, no.
- Not totally? - No.
What he did was wrong, and he's gonna get punished for it, but it was also just an art project, you know? Yeah.
See, I don't see it that way.
- You don't, huh? - No, I don't.
Enlighten me.
Ok, well, he was going into white collar neighborhoods and photographing animals so that he could make some kind of statement about society.
And breaking into people's houses to do it.
Yes, but he didn't take anything.
It's not like he's a criminal or something.
Only because he didn't get caught.
Well, he did, and we're just lucky that guy didn't call the police or unlucky.
I-- Maybe a night in juvenile hall would have straightened Byrd out.
Are you kidding me? Hey, look, you know, somebody's gotta do it.
Obviously you're not up to it.
Um, exactly how long have you been sitting on that one? I am so fucking sick and tired of you validating every single thing he does, no matter what it is.
- I don't validate everything-- - Yes, you do.
Are you his buddy, or are you his fucking father? I do not fucking validate every single thing he does, Beth.
Yes.
You are so afraid of being the bad guy, it's like-- it's fucking pathetic.
Ok, you don't like the way I parent? Why don't you go fucking talk to him then, huh? He stormed away from the dinner table, screaming, "it is not bullshit!" He didn't storm away.
He didn't scream, either.
He was upset, and he tossed his napkin.
Don't do that.
Don't correct me.
I fucking hate when you do that.
Don't fucking cut my balls off.
I fucking hate when you do that.
What balls? You're afraid to discipline your own son! I'm not afraid to discipline my son, goddamn it! I'm capable of seeing more than one side to something.
Oh, yeah.
Ok, so and I'm not?! I don't know.
Are you?! Everything is so fucking black and white with you.
You're thinking is so fucking limited, you know? So I'm stupid?! Is that what you're saying? Yeah, Beth, you're stupid.
That's what I'm-- Yeah.
I can't talk to you now.
I'm goin' for a walk.
Good.
Make it a long one.
Try real hard to be asleep by the time I get back, huh? - Good evening.
- Good evening.
Can I help you with anything? Oh, no, no.
I'm fine.
Um, I'm just looking for my family.
That's all.
Well, there hasn't been anybody in here for quite a few hours now.
Last time I saw them they were in here, and I'm not really sure where they've gone.
Got it.
Well, please, let me know if you need a map or directions or anything.
Will do.
Thank you.
I had not one, but 2 patients attempt suicide this week.
Really? Yeah.
Both of them were convinced they couldn't live without their spouses, spouses who despise them.
I only ever wanted to kill myself over one girl.
I wanted to do it really bloody right in front of her so she'd know exactly how badly she hurt me.
Was that me? 'Cause a boy drove his car up onto our porch when I was about 15.
Really? My father sent me to St.
Catherine's 2 days later.
No.
That was not me.
I just wanted to cut my wrists and bleed out on her lawn where she'd see me on her way to school.
I really did.
When I told her what I had in mind, she said that she just woulda stepped over me because she'd never been tardy to school in her life and wasn't about to fuck up her attendance record for me.
How'd that make you feel? I started dating her sister.
He said as he passed his female colleague the enormous fatty after she'd gutted him like a lab rat in front of her students earlier.
Hey, do you really still do MDMA therapy? Well, ecstasy, MDMA-- whatever you want to call it.
Yes, I do.
Where the hell do you get it? Same place you would.
Why you want to get some? I don't know.
I don't know.
Let me think about it.
Is that why you came back here tonight to think about it? I just--I wanted to play with the little toy car.
Really.
Oh, I believe you.
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