I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e07 Episode Script

Ladies, great news.
I've just got my first-ever babysitting job.
- Jazz, way to go.
- That's awesome.
I found it on the school jobs board.
There were 15 applicants, and the family picked me.
Not that it was a competition, but if it was, winner! I applied for that job.
Oh, Linds, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean I'm kidding.
So I guess if this was a gotcha competition, winner! So anyway, I need some babysitting tips.
Oh, here's one.
Always keep the toilet lid down and make sure the litter box is clean.
Deels, she said babysitting, not cat sitting.
I know.
Just make sure you have lots of activities planned.
Kids get bored easy.
You gotta keep them occupied.
Oh, bring along the laser mouse and shine it all over the floor.
They'll chase it for hours, and eventually fall asleep in the corner.
We're still talking about babysitting.
I know.
Jazz, just be yourself and have fun.
- You're gonna do great.
- Thanks.
Oh, one more thing.
If they start to choke on a hairball - Deels, we're still - I know! Hey, dude, I'll take a strawberry smoothie.
Can I interest you in our special? It's called the Banana-Rama Bahama-Banana Goin'-Bananas-Monkey-Banana with a banana boost.
Betty ordered too many bananas? Yep, and if we don't sell 'em soon, they're gonna - rot in the back.
- Gonna rot or have rotted? Dude, they're goin' in a blender.
Just order it.
Okay, Fine.
One banana-rama monkey - Whatever you said.
- I get off in 20.
You wanna hang? Oh, no can do.
I'm gettin' together with Erin.
So I guess you get a girlfriend and you forget all about your best friend.
- Who? - Me! No, I haven't forgotten about you.
We haven't hung out in weeks.
We're hangin' out now.
Doesn't this count? Yeah, I guess.
So, uh, what else you got goin' on? Uh, not much.
I've just been Oh.
Hi, Erin.
Oh, no, I'm not doin' anything.
Oh, really? Hi, Mr.
Jenkins.
I don't know if you remember me.
Of course I remember you.
You and your hooligan friends Delilah Delia.
And Jermaine.
Jasmine.
- T.
P.
'd my house.
- Yes, we did.
But we also suffered the consequences, which, in hindsight What do you want, Larry? Uh Lindy.
So you're the faculty advisor to the school blog, right? Based on the extra $105 that appears in my tiny paycheck, yes.
Anyway, I was kinda thinkin' it might be fun to write for it.
"Might be fun.
" How I love this generation, for whom everything is supposed to be fun.
I expect you'd like a trophy just for showing up.
Is this a bad time? I can come back.
Look, I need someone to review a new restaurant that's opened up across the street from the school.
Interested? Well, to be honest, I was kinda lookin' to do some hard-hitting exposés.
I'm not really a food critic.
Do you eat? Yes.
Do some things taste good? Yes.
Do some things taste bad? Yes.
Congratulations.
You're a food critic.
Just so you know, I'm not here to have fun.
I have to start thinking about my future, and I have a real interest in writing.
It might even be something I'd like to pursue as a career.
Or something with animals.
I'm not really sure.
I really earned my $105 this month.
Thanks, Mr.
Jenkins.
Always a pleasure.
Welcome to Rumblejuice.
What can I get you? What's in the blueberry-banana smoothie? That would be, uh blueberries and banana.
Oh.
Okay.
What's in the raspberry-banana? That would be You know, this is weird.
You seem kind of familiar.
Have you been in here before? No, this is my first time.
So many berries.
Take your time.
I'm Garrett.
- I'm Hogan.
- Hogan.
Hogan.
You seem really familiar.
A lot of people say I look like my brother.
But I don't know your brother.
He looks a lot like me.
This is gonna bug me till I figure it out.
You know what? Forget the smoothie.
What's in the banana-nut bread? So, Aubrey, what do you wanna do? I'm doing it.
Okay, well, I don't want you to get bored.
I won't.
Come on, kiddo, let's do something.
You can read The Complete Works of Shakespeare later.
It's okay.
You don't have to entertain me.
You can brush your hair, or text your friends, or whatever teenage girls do.
Okay, here's the thing.
Because I'm, like, the best babysitter ever, I did a ton of research into fun things girls like to do, and now, we're gonna do 'em so my research doesn't go to waste.
Okay.
Do you like to draw? Would it matter? That's the spirit.
Cozy, warm, south of the border atmosphere.
Linds, if you don't want people to know you're reviewing a restaurant, you might not wanna say review-type stuff out loud.
Find less critical person to eat with.
You know, I haven't really had a lot of Mexican food.
What's a pollo burrito? That's chicken, cheese and beans in a tube-shaped tortilla.
What about a pollo tostada? Chicken, cheese and beans on a flat, round tortilla.
Pollo quesadilla? Chicken, cheese and beans folded into a half-moon tortilla.
So basically, I'm just choosin' a shape.
No, it's more than Yeah, pretty much.
Hola, señoritas, and welcome to Dos Madres.
Which I happen to know means Two Mothers.
Oh, you speak Spanish? No tenemos la oportunidad de hablar nuestra idioma con muchos de nuestros clientes.
Como aprendiste? Two Mothers? Luckily, she's better with English.
The name, Dos Madres, comes from our two owners, my grandmother, Abuelita, and my mother, Juanita.
- Hola.
- Bienvenidas.
Abuelita does all the cooking, and my mom is the hostess.
Estas chicas son tan bonitas! Abuelita says you're both very pretty.
How sweet.
Muchas gracias.
De nada.
How do you say "thorns really hurt"? That would be "Ouch.
" So are we ready to order? - Yeah.
Just bring me your house specialty.
- Very good.
And I'll have that chicken thing.
Folded.
No, round and flat.
You know what? Just surprise me.
Okay, let's look at our drawings.
Me first.
I drew a house.
Isn't that fun? Look, there's smoke coming out of the chimney, and some happy flowers in the front.
I drew a house, too.
It's mid-century modern.
One of my favorite architectural styles.
So no happy flowers in the front? No.
I have some trees along the side, but they're not smiling.
Well you did your best.
Hey, let's do something else.
I'd really rather just get back to my book.
Don't worry.
Shakespeare's not going anywhere.
He's been around for 300 years.
He's been around for 400 years.
Still not goin' anywhere.
Hey, you have video ping-pong.
Yeah.
That's my brother's.
He always beats me.
Oh.
Come on.
It's not about who wins.
We're just having fun here.
I won again.
You wanna play some more? No.
Enough fun for now.
Reading time.
Quesadilla de pollo.
Half moon.
Excellent choice.
And the signature dish of our home state Oaxaca tamales in a molé sauce.
Ooh, looks good.
- Mmm.
- Oh!! Enjoy.
Oh, that's awful.
I don't think we can blame it on the shape.
- Hi.
- Hey there.
- What's goin' on? Not much.
Just hangin' with my new friend here.
Oh.
I'm Logan.
I'm Hogan.
Nice hair.
Well, we better head out.
Hogan wants to go to the pet store and watch the hamster run on the wheel.
He never realizes he's not getting anywhere.
Huh.
Hey, Deels.
- Solo smoothies today? - Yeah.
We'll discuss the sadness of that in a minute.
Did you meet Garrett's new friend? Hogan? Yeah.
Nice guy.
Does he remind you of anyone? Yeah.
You.
That's where I've seen him before.
It's so clear to me now.
- I mean, he's got great hair.
- Uh-huh.
He's handsome in a sub-tle way.
Uh-huh.
And, I mean, he's obviously smart.
I can't believe it.
Garrett just went out and replaced me.
We can discuss the sadness of that right now.
So you came here yesterday.
The food must be good.
It's Oaxacan.
Did you know Oaxaca is spelled with an "O"? I guess you forgot.
I was a state spelling bee finalist.
Oaxaca.
O-a-x-a-c-a.
Oaxaca.
How could I forget? Ooh, looks good.
Would you mind taking a picture with Abuelita? - She wants to put it up on the wall.
- Oh Nos sentimos como si fuera parte de la familia.
She says we feel like you're part of the family.
How sweet.
Of course.
Oh.
Oh, no, no rose today.
I'm good.
Enjoy.
Dig in.
So? Ya like? No, I don't like.
Was it bad yesterday? It was horrible.
And you thought, "Hey, you know who would also hate this? Jasmine.
" I wanted to give them another chance.
Jazz, if I write an honest review, I'll have to say the food stinks.
I can't do that to these people.
They think of me as family.
You haven't tried yours.
Maybe it's okay.
Yeah.
I mean, how can you mess up nachos? This is how.
"Dos Madres sits in a small strip mall, conveniently located just across the street from Ditka High.
" "Upon entering the cantina, Spanish for cantina, one is greeted by the festive colors of the Mexican flag.
The plates are heated to perfection.
" Blah, blah, blah.
"The restrooms are clean," blah blah blah.
"All major credit cards accepted.
" Anything you'd like to add? Parking is free.
There's nothing here about the food.
Is that important? In a restaurant review, just a skosh.
The truth is, the food wasn't all that great.
Then why didn't you write that? Because the owners are so nice.
A bad review could really hurt their business.
Well, you can either be nice, or you can tell the truth.
If you have no interest in telling the truth, then quit.
Makes no difference to me.
But it makes a difference to me.
I made a commitment to do this, and I wanna do it right.
I want people to think of honesty and integrity when they see the byline Lindy Watson.
Who? Larry Watson.
Ah.
Then try it again.
And this time, write a real review.
Let the chips, and salsa, fall where they may.
And you can use that.
Oh, hey, best buddy.
The car show's this weekend.
We're goin', right? Actually, I'm already going with Hogan.
But the car show is our thing.
We go every year.
You can come with us.
No, thanks.
I know what's goin' on here, all right? You're mad because I haven't been around lately, so you went out and replaced me with someone exactly like me.
Only without the guns.
I didn't replace you.
Yeah, because you never could.
He's Logan lite, and I'm Logan classic.
So I'm just supposed to stop hanging out with Hogan because you're available now? Guess what? I'd rather have a full-time Hogan than a part-time Logan.
Well, you can tell full-time Hogan that part-time Logan says have fun.
Because part-time Logan is gettin' on with his full-time life.
Well, you can tell I don't know who anybody is right now.
I just know I'm mad.
I can't believe I'm jealous of myself.
That is so Logan classic.
So the bishop moves diagonally? That's right.
It's hard to remember how all the pieces move.
Chess is a complicated game.
And since this is the first time you've ever played it, don't expect too much.
You sure you wanna do that? Yeah, I'm sure.
Check.
That means I'm one move away from winning.
Checkmate.
Is that how you say it? Yes.
That's how you say it.
So I won, right? I thought you never played chess before.
I haven't.
I'm just really good at games.
I'm really good at games, too.
You are? Why do you have to be so competitive? - You're the one who's competitive.
- No, I'm not.
You showed up with a bagful of games.
That's because I'm a good babysitter.
But my parents got home two hours ago.
You're the one who who just behaved like a good girl, and just played nicely.
What is wrong with me? Why do I always have to win? There's nothing wrong with wanting to win.
But my mom says you can't win 'em all.
Your mom is very smart.
Just like her daughter.
Why don't we do something just for fun? And I'll try not to be competitive.
Okay.
I like to dance, but I'm not very good.
Who cares? Let's just have some fun.
You're not very good, are you? That's what I said.
Why are you smiling? I'm not smiling.
Lindy.
Our favorite customer.
No, no, I wouldn't say favorite.
I'm just one of the three people that come in here.
Hey, check it out.
Aw.
There we are.
I'll show you to your usual table.
No, actually, Ernesto, I'm, uh, not here to eat.
I, um, needed to tell you something.
The reason I keep coming in is I'm writing a restaurant review for my school blog.
Ella esta escribiendo una critica para el blog de la escuela.
Oh! That was a very happy "Oh!" So what are you gonna write in your review? I'll translate it.
I'm gonna write boy, I hope this sounds better in Spanish.
Your food is not good.
La comida no estan buena.
Oh! Me has dado una punalada en el corazon! Tu eres el diablo! She said, "You stabbed me in the heart.
You're the devil.
" That sounds bad in two languages.
Voy a agarrar mi cuchillo grande! She said, "I'm gonna get my big knife.
" - What? - No, it's okay.
She says it all the time.
- It's just an empty threat.
- Except for this time.
Abuelita, no.
Well, her cooking's not much, but her knife skills are impressive.
Don't translate that.
Mama, Lindy tiene razon.
No has estado cocinando bien ultimamente.
Quizas es tiempo de que te jubilee.
Es hora de que yo me encargue de la cocina.
Mom said, "Lindy's right.
Your cooking has been off for a while now.
Maybe it's time that you retire and I take over the kitchen.
" From now on, just translate what Mom says.
Try this.
Malo! Mom is a great cook.
Can you give us one more chance - before you write your review? - Of course.
- Thank you so much.
- You don't have to thank me.
Although, I probably saved a few customers' lives.
Again, don't translate that.
Oh, we're hugging again.
Garrett, Logan lite.
How was the car show? We had a lot of fun.
Hogan didn't have to sit in every car and say, "Vroom, vroom!" So you didn't have fun at the car show.
Oh, there you are.
I'd like you to meet somebody.
Garrett, this is my new friend, Barrett.
Oh, come on.
Barrett, tell them about yourself.
My mother shows Great Danes.
I have a bunch of fears and phobias.
Uh, do you have any hand sanitizer? You paid someone to be like me? That's exactly what I did.
How does it feel, huh? Actually, it feels pretty good.
What? You went to the trouble of hiring a fake friend to make me jealous.
It means you care.
I was kinda doin' it for revenge, but if I accidentally cared, that works, too.
I could never replace you.
I could never replace you either.
Come on, let me buy you a smoothie.
Oh, thanks.
Hey, what's in the blueberry-banana? So I tried to go to Dos Madres yesterday for lunch.
I couldn't even get a table.
I guess my rave review really did make a difference.
- Great story, Lindy.
- You're the best.
Can I just say, Hogan and Barrett are a huge improvement.
They're so positive.
And easy on the eyes.
You know what I'm sayin'.
Oh, okay, so this is how it is now? Yeah.
We've upgraded.
Well, you're not the only ones.
That's right.
We got a new posse, too.
Oh, come on.
And our posse is a huge improvement.
Tell our posse they're a huge improvement.
You tell 'em.
I can't speak Spanish.
Somos mucho mejor.
Of course she can speak Spanish.
Dad!