Insatiable (2018) s02e07 Episode Script

1 Patty had no idea what was about to hit her.
Patty, look out! And I had no idea that when I bought my first dildo, I'd be using it on a man to fight crime.
I thought I'd be using that dildo to surprise Dee.
Oh, shit! But instead, I got surprised.
Dee was lying to me.
What the hell? She said she was staying home to study, so I followed her to find out what she was up to.
It was weird enough she was staying in a motel right across the street from the State pageant.
And then my worst suspicions were confirmed.
- Nonnie? - This is you studying? Who was that? It's not what it looks like.
What it looks like is you're lying! She's my editor.
Editor? I'm working undercover as an investigative journalist at a webzine.
I got into pageants to write an exposé about the pageant world.
Are you telling me I'm living in a real-life version of Never Been Kissed? I tried to tell you.
Well, now that you have, we're done! I'm sick of all the lies.
But in Never Been Kissed, they forget about the lie! They live happily ever after! The bad news was my first relationship was over.
But the good news was my bestie was right across the street for some support.
Patty, look out! - Get off me! - Shut up, ass head! I'm calling 911! I thought I was in control of my life.
And then someone tried to end it.
Why had this happened? Was it some kind of sign that I shouldn't be chasing the crown? Do you remember anything else about the attacker? - Did he say anything to you or - Patty, look out! No, I just remember the sound of the tire iron.
Ms.
Bladell, did you remember something else? I'm a good person! I'm a good person! Patty, are you okay? You about finished here, Detective? You've been questioning her for hours.
We'll let you know if we have any more questions.
Just be aware, acts of violence can often cause trauma or trigger other deep-rooted fears or anxieties.
We'll keep an eye out.
All right.
I brought you some food.
Patty? No, thanks.
Too upset to eat.
Patty, is this normal, upset not-eating, or is this disordered not-eating? Did you at least eat at the meet and greet? Yes, that's the problem.
I had too much pizza.
I was headed to the gym when all of this happened.
And now I can't eat until after the pageant because if I do then I'll have even more calories to burn, and I only have a few hours left until I get on stage, and I still haven't - been able to make it to the gym - Patty, you almost died! And all you care about is the gym? You don't understand! We are taking you home - and getting you to an OA meeting now.
- Or Patty's old sponsor is right across the street.
- Dee? What is she doing here? - Long story.
- Tell me.
- You can catch up on the way.
We're going to see Dee, and I'm calling your mom.
Why even bother? It's not like she'll show up anyway.
Oh! Well Ain't this my lucky day? We need to talk about your tits.
These? I know.
They're amazing, right? But I'm on my way out - You have something that belongs to us! - What the fuck? Hey! Can't believe you and Dee broke up.
You okay? I'm just more worried about you.
Nonnie? Nonnie! Move! Oh! Nonnie, thank you! - Thank you.
- For what? For catching the man who killed my daughter.
- What are you talking about? - The pageant killer.
Wait, I was almost attacked by the pageant killer? Detective Cruz had a theory that he'd kill again at State.
That's why we're here.
I don't know.
He didn't seem like a serial killer to me.
Let the professionals take it from here, sweetheart.
We're headed back to Masonville now.
We're gonna build a case.
Sweetheart? Was he kidding? If Patty's attacker was the pageant killer, I had caught him when they couldn't.
So maybe I could find a clue to help build a case.
I needed to go back to the scene of the crime.
Do you guys mind if I just stay here? I just don't want things to be weird with Dee.
Yeah.
No, of course.
Do whatever you need.
We'll text you.
- Love you.
- Love you.
Hi, I don't know if you remember me.
Yeah.
You're Patty's pageant coach.
And hi, Patty.
I know you're not her sponsor anymore, but she's in crisis.
Dee, is everything okay? Who's in there with you? You? Nosy guy from the gym! Hey, girl.
And hey, girl.
You guys know each other? What are you doing here? He's my sponsor in OA.
I called him when Nonnie dumped me.
Wait, you're in OA? So that's why you were so concerned about me at the gym! This is so weird! The day that I met you, I went to the gym instead of going to an OA meeting.
And then I met you.
And now here you are.
That sounds like a God shot to me.
- What's a God shot? - It's a program term.
It's when the universe gives you what you need at just the right moment.
Sort of like you showing up here now.
Jonathan was telling me to reach out to you to make amends Me? Why would you be making amends to me? Nonnie's the one you lied to.
Tell her, otherwise you'll eat.
I was writing a pageant exposé.
You were my way in.
- Patty the Pageant Killer was my angle.
- Seriously? Come on.
Let's go.
We'll find you help somewhere else.
No, wait! I know I should've told you, but let Jonathan help you.
Please.
As a way for me to make amends.
He's a great sponsor, and you said you were in crisis.
I mean, I am available.
What's going on? I told you.
I can't do this.
Patty, if you don't eat, I'm taking you home.
Maybe we need to take the focus off the food for a second.
Look There's a lot of different ways to recover.
Mine was spiritual.
First things first, we need to get you a higher power.
You mean like God? It can be anything more powerful than you.
Like the universe, the ocean, nature.
For me, it's my higher self.
- What's that? - The me that hasn't bought into all the obsession and calorie counting and fat shaming and self-loathing.
I don't know.
Close your eyes.
Imagine the most loving, wise version of yourself you can.
Got it? I think so, yeah.
So whenever you're trying to figure out your next right action, just ask her for guidance.
I need to stay, to compete in the pageant.
I'm afraid if I don't, if I just give up on myself, I'm just gonna binge or something worse.
Jonathan may have known recovery, but I knew Patty.
And I knew what could happen if she lost.
If you are really gonna stay, I'm gonna make sure that you win.
But you need to be in the right head space, and if that means working with young Richard Simmons here, fine.
But none of us are going anywhere until you eat.
Got it? Bob was gone, Brick had plans, and Barnard was otherwise engaged.
I hated being alone, so I decided to order in.
Hi.
Okay.
Ooh! These are some serious knots.
What's going on with you, Mrs.
Armstrong? Well, for starters, I'm not Mrs.
Armstrong anymore.
Oh! Cool.
My sister transitioned last year, so No, that's not what I meant.
Bob and I are getting a divorce.
Oh! That explains why you called.
I haven't heard from you since you and I You know.
Now that Bob's out of the picture, maybe we can No, no, no, Shane.
That's not why I called.
I didn't call you for sex.
I just I needed a massage.
Massage it is, then.
Hmm! I swear I didn't call you for sex.
It's just you were always such a good listener, and now that Bob's gone, and my son's never home, and my bestie has a new boy crush Are you open to some feedback? - Too much teeth? - I mean, yes.
But no.
I'm only a semester away from being certified as a life coach, and I think it's pretty important that you Okay.
What is it, Shane? Maybe stop avoiding being alone.
If I were you, I'd look at this time as an opportunity.
Look inward.
Get to know yourself.
Wow! You two should really get a room.
Uh, it's not It's not what it looks like.
I'm reenacting a crime scene.
Seeing what I missed.
My friend was the girl who got attacked.
Uh, I saved her.
Oh! You're Detective Dildo? No, I'm Nonnie.
Hm.
You should stick with Detective Dildo.
I'm Fiona, and this is Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall.
Jackson Johnson.
Really? And you're gonna make fun of my name? Can we help with the reenacting and stuff? What? I love all that CSI, SVU, HPV stuff.
It would be helpful to have someone play the attacker, and you could be Patty.
- Ew! - Fine.
I'll be Patty.
You be the killer.
No! Patty'll have more lines.
I'll be her.
Just tell us what to do.
Okay, so the attacker was behind Patty, about to hit her Um, no, not like that.
It was more like this.
- Like this? - Um, no.
It was like this Like he was aiming for her knee? Yes, exactly! But wait! If he was gonna kill her, why bother to kneecap her first? - It just doesn't make sense.
- Right! None of this makes sense.
Come on, Fiona.
Let's go.
Unless he wasn't trying to kill her.
Maybe he was just trying to make sure she couldn't compete! Like that movie with the girl who plays Harley Quinn.
You know, the one who tries to take out that Olympic skater? - Yes! I love that movie.
- I'm bored.
Can we go? We still have to finish getting ready for the pageant.
See you around.
Whose keys were these? Could they have belonged to Patty's attacker? Was this a clue? God damn it! Oh! Where the hell is everybody? Surprise! Happy birthday! My birthday's in July.
No, honey.
- Your birthday's today.
- What? We didn't want to tell you because it would have ruined the surprise.
We're gonna make up for all the birthdays we missed during your childhood.
There's gonna be clowns, a bouncy house A bouncy house? A cotton candy machine! - And a magician? - The magician just canceled.
- He has the flu.
- Oh, man! Growing up, I always wanted a magician at my parties, but my mom always said never to trust a man who pulls rodents out of a hole.
You mean out of a hat.
Well, it depends on the trick.
I know some magic.
Maybe I could do a show.
You know magic? Yeah.
Well, a little.
It's been years.
I haven't done it since I was a kid, but if you could get a deck of cards, a cocktail napkin, some quarters, and a salt shaker, I can try.
Jonathan could save Patty from the food, but I could save her from herself.
I still believed if I could get her that crown, it would heal all her wounds.
- Argh! - Okay, so the sooner we get through the steps, the better.
But we're kind of in a triage situation, so I'm thinking I'll just talk you through it.
Can we do it while she tries on her dress? Can we just wait? Not if you don't want her naked on stage in an hour.
Okay, man wig.
It's a hair system.
You can tell? You can't? Hmm.
I'm assuming that's for you.
Hey! Are you on your way? Patty! Thank God you're okay.
I've been trying to call your cell! Yeah, it got smashed.
I don't know what to do.
I want to be there for you, but it's the first time we're having a birthday party for Dixie, and my mom's giving me a hard time.
Look, I get it, but I miss you.
Can you get here after the party? I'll see what I can do.
Okay.
Tell Dixie I said happy birthday.
I've gotta go.
Bye.
The pageant is in an hour.
I'm gonna try your mom again.
What's the point? She doesn't care.
Her daughter got attacked and she still hasn't called back.
Wonder what she's up to this time.
Did she skip town, or on a bender, or face down in a pile of dicks? Okay! Now I want to meet your mom.
Make yourself comfortable.
We're waiting for the surgeon.
How in the world did you go through all that gum? You know, it's a thing since I quit smoking.
You know, when I'm piecing a case together in my head, I Yeah, I chew a lot of gum.
You okay? Yeah.
I mean Yeah, I'm glad Roxy's killer was caught.
I just wish I was the one.
Yeah, it's stupid, I know.
No, it's not stupid.
I wish I'd caught him too.
I just I wanted to be a hero.
Well, it's a big relief to know he's behind bars, huh? I wanted to be a hero to you.
Oh! Well Well, that's sweet.
You're blushing.
I'm just confused.
We had a hotel room, and you didn't make a move.
I didn't want to mix business with pleasure.
But now that the killer's been caught Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this year's Miss Georgia American Lady.
I know there was a lot of drama earlier, but I want to assure everyone that there is nothing to fear.
They've caught the pageant killer, and he's behind bars.
So it's time to rejoice.
Think about everything that pageants have overcome.
Feminism, the no-makeup challenge, and now murder.
So let's celebrate by welcoming our contestants! First off, from Alpharetta, Miss Western Georgia Bounty.
She's a twin who loves pink and thinks 9/11 was a hoax.
Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson.
This is so exciting! I'm so proud of you for pushing through.
It reminds me of that time Enrique Iglesias cut his hand on that camera drone in the middle of a concert, and he just kept on performing.
underneath the walnut, and that's when I realized I could crack a walnut without using my hands! Thank you, Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson.
And now for our next contestant.
She speaks three languages, hopes to someday become a vet and says she can move furniture with her mind! Please welcome Miss Historic Georgia Abundance, Fiona Karen Jeffries.
Just remember, the results are up to God.
So let go.
Hey! No! She can't just let go.
Whatever happens, you'll be fine.
As long as you win.
Remember to smile.
so the backup plan was Buttercups! And that horse made for the most delicious Thanksgiving dinner we ever had.
Thank you, Fiona.
And now for our next contestant.
Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams, Patty Bladell.
- Wish me luck! - Luck! She's a Scorpio who loves Drew Barrymore movies and just survived a vicious attack.
Miss Bladell, I'd like to commend you on continuing to compete in the pageant, in light of the recent attempt on your life.
You've set a shining example for the young women here on this stage of what it means to show up in the face of adversity.
They loved me.
Maybe getting attacked was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Maybe it was all a God shot.
The question I have for you is: how does it feel to be a hero? You're not a hero! You're the villain! Miss Bladell.
I personally believe that US Americans are heroes because diversity, education, and GPS.
Such as Julio Iglesias for singing onstage when a flying robot tried to kill him.
Also Iglesias means churches in Spanish.
Thank you.
Patty, what happened? I I am not a hero.
Nonnie is.
I mean, she hit that guy one time, and then she called the cops, not me.
Patty! Stop talking now! I don't deserve to be here.
I have done horrible things.
Honey, we all have.
But we're gonna get you through this.
- Yes.
- You're going to write a list of anything bad you're holding onto and read it to me.
- No! - In program, we call it an inventory.
It's a way to get out your secrets so you can let go and move on.
Wait here.
I have a note pad in my bag.
Patty could not write that inventory.
It was as good as a written confession.
I was missing Patty's big moment, but I hoped she'd understand.
After all, I was trying to find out why she was under attack.
He wasn't the pageant killer! He was a hired hit! Somebody paid him to take Patty out of the running.
But who? Now that I had some leverage, maybe I could pay him a visit and ask him myself.
Oh, my God! Brick! - You really are magic! - I can do another trick.
I just need some straws and a plastic cup.
Oh, no.
What's wrong? Well, you're being trolled on your YouTube videos.
Look.
"Quit mansplaining how to mansplain.
" What does that even mean? It means instead of all this good guys do and don't bullshit, you should do magic videos.
Teach people how to do tricks.
No, a good magician never reveals his secrets.
Come on, Brick! You're really good at this! Plus, I could be your hot assistant.
And you could make my clothes disappear.
What are you still doing here? You should be at the pageant with Patty.
- You sure? - Yes! I mean thank you for staying, but please go! Okay.
Well, before I leave, I wanted to give you your birthday present.
It's a plane ticket to Minnesota.
You're sending me away? No.
We would love for you to come back home with us.
Make up for lost time.
Wow.
Really? I mean, it doesn't have to be forever.
Just Think about it, Dixie.
Go! I'll cover for you with Mom.
Oh, my God! That was like our first real brother/sister moment ever! Okay.
Well, it won't be our last.
I had spent 18 years not knowing my bio-fam, but getting them back was the best birthday gift of all.
Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday What? I'm 20? I couldn't write a list of all the bad things I had done.
It was the most incriminating thing I could ever do.
Well, other than killing two, maybe three people.
- What've you got? - I got nothing.
Patty, the big book says the only people who can't recover are those who are constitutionally incapable of being honest.
Then maybe the 12 steps aren't for me.
You said there are many ways for someone to recover.
Yeah, but they all require you to dig deep.
Tell the truth.
Then I was definitely screwed.
Please welcome Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams, Miss Patty Bladell.
Maybe I didn't need an inventory.
If I won, my list of sins would be erased.
Unless my sins erased any chance I had of winning.
And just like that, I watched the crown slip through my fingers.
What is happening? - I ruined everything.
- No, you didn't.
Look, I'll ask the judges for a redo.
I'm sure they'll be forgiving under these circumstances.
No, I don't deserve forgiveness.
- What are you doing? - I can't.
I can't be honest with anyone.
Which means recovery is not for me.
- Don't.
- What do you mean? She needs me.
She has to choose recovery.
You can't choose it for her.
Screw that.
Patty! Wait! - Wait! - Why? It's over, Bob! No Miss Georgia! No Miss American Lady! Whatever is going on, you can be honest with me.
Except I couldn't.
Even Bob didn't know about Gordy.
I can't.
There are some things I still can't tell you.
What are you talking about? You can tell me anything.
I helped you bury a body! Yeah, exactly! And now neither one of us can ever be honest with anyone ever again! Look, I get it.
All you ever wanted to do was help me.
But you can't.
Too much has happened.
You can't save me, Bob.
Nobody can.
I thought Patty was my destiny.
I thought I was doing the right thing.
But maybe I was wrong.
She wanted to turn herself in for Christian and Stella Rose, but I stopped her, and now she couldn't get recovery because of me.
How could I have let this happen? Was I broken just like her? What was wrong with me? I've been doing it my entire life.
With my mom, with Stella Rose, Coralee, all those pageant girls.
Patty.
I try and fix 'em.
But when I'm done, they just end up more broken.
My mom died.
Stella Rose went insane.
Coralee is better off alone, and I ruined Patty's life.
I Every time I try and help, I just end up hurting them.
Dude, for the third time, I'm not the bartender.
I was just looking for some ice.
But good luck with the savior complex stuff.
Sounds rough.
A savior complex? Is that what it was? How do you get recovery from that? Could I just stop, cold turkey? Then what? Maybe I needed a God shot of my own.
the winner of Miss Georgia American Lady.
- Whoop-de-friggin'-doo.
- But first, I'd like to make a special announcement.
This year, for the first time ever, we're crowning a third runner-up to honor an exceptional young lady.
Miss Northeastern Georgia Dreams, Patty Bladell.
Patty? Patty? Patty Bladell? She's indisposed! Uh I'm Bob Armstrong.
I'm her coach.
Would you like to accept this on her behalf? Bob, you're the one who encouraged Patty to stay and compete, despite her trauma.
Well, yes, but, um Because of your guidance, Patty displayed courage, perseverance, determination Qualities that we look for in a Miss Georgia American Lady.
Which is why we created this special prize just for her.
Since she's not here, ladies and gentlemen, Bob Armstrong.
I didn't deserve this.
I hadn't helped Patty.
I'd hurt her, so what did this all mean? I had asked for a God shot, and I ended up on stage? Capital Georgia Hope, Penelope Ann Penelope.
What was the universe trying to tell me? This year's Miss Georgia American Lady is Miss Western Georgia Bounty, Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson! If this was a sign, I needed a clearer message.
Oh, my God! Dad? Dad, what are you doing here? You invited me! Besides, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Yeah, well, you picked the wrong pageant.
Patty lost.
Yeah.
But look at you.
Okay, I really I don't need you to mock me right now for being on stage with the flowers and the sash like a pansy.
I've never been more proud of you, son.
Standing up there, everybody clapping for you.
You looked like a winner.
That's all I've ever wanted for you.
And I'm gonna give you a chance to get it for real.
It's time for you to be in the spotlight for once.
I'm pulling my money from Barnard, and I'm backing you for mayor.
Was this my God shot? Was it finally time for me to focus on me? There is just one small problem.
If you're gonna win, you're gonna have to get out of that motel.
It's outside of Masonville city limits, and you've gotta be a resident to run.
What happened? Did I miss it? Yeah, it's over.
Patty got third runner-up.
What do you mean? It means she lost.
But she gets to be on a float in the parade.
Here.
Take those to her.
Shouldn't you do it? I mean, you got her to this point.
You're the coach.
I've got something else I've gotta do.
I took Shane's advice, and I spent the day with myself.
I'd avoided being alone for so long I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed my own company.
Maybe being alone wasn't so bad.
I could do what I wanted whenever I wanted.
I could make a lot of noise.
I could sleep in the middle of the bed.
And if I wanted to dance around the house with no pants on, I could do that too.
Ooh! - What the hell are you doing here? - My name is on the deed.
I own this house, and I am moving back in.
So much for being alone.
Recognize me? - I'm the one who caught you.
- Oh, right.
Detective Dildo.
Here's the thing, asshole.
You got caught red-handed trying to attack Patty Bladell, which means you're going to prison for a few years.
And I have something you might want once you're free.
- How the hell did you get that? - Not important.
But I'll make you an offer.
I put it in a safety deposit box, and I'll give you the number, but you have to tell me who wanted Patty out of the running.
Okay, fine.
You go first.
Kentucky Fried California Pizza Kitchen? Heather Kristina Pamela Kendall Jackson Johnson! There was no higher power, no God shot, no crown.
It was all bullshit.
Fuck recovery.
Fuck Bob.
And fuck my mom.
Her car was just sitting here in the driveway.
I couldn't believe she was home the whole time, ignoring Bob's calls.
Didn't she care that I was in trouble? Unless she was in trouble too.
Shit! Fuck Southwest! The flight delayed 4,000 times! And then the Super Shuttle - dropped me off dead last! - Sh! Enter.
I assume these are the sweater melons I'm cutting open.
Fantastic.
Whatever was happening wasn't good.
You're going to behave yourself, right? Otherwise, we'll have to kill you.
Since I couldn't trust a higher power anymore, I had to save her myself.
What side shall we start with, huh? Is that your phone? - There! - Oh! - What the - Shoot her! Shit! I didn't bring the gun.
I brought the machete! Grab it! Not bad! For a cultural appropriator.
It's not appropriation.
It's inclusion.
Well, I happen to be a Brazilian capoeira master.
What are the odds? He was right.
What were the odds? Just bring it, asshole.
Huh? Let's dance.
To the death.
What were the odds I knew capoeira, and that I was fighting Brazilians, and that I left the pageant just in time to save my mom? Could this be a God shot? Maybe I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Maybe there was a higher power out there guiding me after all.
And it was all leading me here, back to my mom.
Hold on one sec.
I'm coming to you, Mom.
Holy shit! I got cocaine in my tits, and I was a drug mule and didn't know it, and you just killed all those drug dealers and saved my life! - My God! - Okay.
It's okay.
Okay.
I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you.
I quit my job, and I was coming to see you.
You were? I thought you just bailed on me again.
No! Okay! Unless I get duct-taped and threatened by more drug dealers, I'm never gonna bail on you ever again.
Thank you for saving me! I swear to God, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you that I deserved it.
Oh, Patty! Look out! Get the gun! What gun? These are machete people! Bob's gun.
It's in that drawer! - Why do you have Bob's gun? - Just do it, Patty! How's that for a God shot?