Lopez vs. Lopez (2022) s02e07 Episode Script

1
Thank you for fixing
my sink, George.
No problem.
I guess your fancy
lawyer boyfriend
isn't good with his hands, huh?
Just his feet from
chasing those ambulances.
Josué's hands are good
for other things.
Rosie
La Reina de mi corazón,
I should take you
to court for theft
because you take
my breath away.
- [smooching]
- Aw.
Well, I plead insanity
because I'm crazy about you.
Mm.
I'm about to re-clog
this sink
right here–
[gags]
Good to see you, too, George.
I'll see you this evening,
mi amor.
I'll be thinking of you
every second.
But don't tell my clients
because I will be billing them
for that time.
Well, then,
let me give you something
to really think about.
OK.
That man is obsessed with me.
I don't see why you have
to kiss him in front of me.
I think it's totes inappropes.
Someone seems threatened.
I just don't understand
what you see in him.
Rosie, the raisin in
mi chicharrón.
- [chuckling] Ay, George.
- [chuckles]
I love that we can
laugh together again, huh?
I've missed this.
- I missed it, too.
- Mm.
And I've missed you.
You have?
Yes.
There's something…
I've been meaning
to tell you.
Is this really happening?
[romantic guitar music]
What the–
[speaking Spanish]
[screams]
You were dreaming about
raisins and chicharrón again.
Don't you ever dream
about women?
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪
Chance has big news.
I got into the–
He got into
the gifted program!
Really?
I thought it meant
I was gonna get extra gifts
on my birthday.
but apparently,
the only gift
is my beautiful mind.
His test scores show
that he has a genius-level IQ.
Aw, we're so proud of you,
Gordo.
I'm gonna go
to tell Churro.
That dog wins one game of chess
and thinks she's better
than me.
Ooh, I cannot wait
to rub this in the face
of Lucy's stuck-up parents.
Justin thinks he's so smart
just because he put a dog
on Mars.
Honey, it was a rover,
not a dog named Rover.
You sound just like him.
His surgeon wife Erica's
even worse.
Always showing up
to school events in her scrubs.
[imitating Erica]
[scoffs] I just saved a baby.
[normally]
Yeah, well, I saved $12
with my Ralph's club card,
but you don't hear me
bragging about it.
Well, it looks like their kid
got in the program, too,
so we'll be seeing them
at orientation tomorrow.
Good,
'cause then we can show them
where Chance
gets his genius from.
together: Me.
What do you two tontos
yapping about?
Chance inherited my genius.
No, he inherited my genius.
If that kid's inherited
anybody's genius,
it's from me.
I'm Alberto Einstein.
I'm an inventor.
What have you invented?
I duct-taped the DVR
and TV remotes together.
And thus,
the universal remote was born.
As the saying goes,
necessity sleeps
with invention's mother.
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪
Coffee in the afternoon?
Did you miss your
mid-morning BM?
You know what?
Hop up.
I'll knead it out of you.
No.
I just had a bad night.
Since I got sober, I've been
having these crazy dreams.
I used to have dreams.
But this is my life now.
No, I had dreams about–
nonsense, nobody you know.
Oh, so they're about someone.
But who?
I'm here.
[sheepishly] Hello, Rosie.
Hello, Rosie?
You never hello me.
Why are you being so weird?
I'm not being weird.
You're the one that's weird.
Why is your face all red
and your forehead
is all sweaty?
Puberty. Heard of it?
[scoffs]
[George chuckles sheepishly]
Mayan!
I think your dad's
on drugs again!
That's who
you've been dreaming about.
You're crushing on Rosie.
You love her.
You wanna kiss her.
You wanna dry hump her.
Shut up!
Gotta stop having
these Rosie dreams.
You know, there's something
that I do every night
to clear my mind
before I fall asleep.
It releases everything
and makes me feel happy
and relaxed.
Aw, man,
I don't wanna hear about that.
I'm talking about journaling,
bro.
Ew, I don't wanna
hear about that either.
[upbeat saxophone music]
Ugh.
[upbeat saxophone music]
Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Playing with magnets?
I used to stick these
on my braces.
Look, I'm a walrus.
Actually,
it's a level five
spatial acuity puzzle
for my gifted class.
Oh.
Well, it's a good thing
you got
the third-place winner
of the Bismarck Elementary
Academic Decathlon here
to help you out.
Go Water Buffaloes!
Hey?
You have to make the fish
swim in the opposite direction
by only moving three magnets.
Boomshakalaka!
No! You moved four pieces
instead of three.
Step aside
for the puzzle master.
Who's the smartest
in the room? ♪
Mayan, Mayan ♪
Ta-da.
All you did was
filet the fish.
It's so easy.
Watch.
Who's smarter
than Mom and Dad? ♪
Chance is ♪
Chance is ♪
Done!
-How did you–
-This is sorcery.
You guys didn't go
to college, did you?
OK.
I went for a semester.
That seems irrelevant.
It's OK, parents.
You guys may not be smart,
but you're sweet.
And that goes a long way.
Does our genius child
think we're dumb?
The better question is…
are we dumb?
No, you can be intelligent
without being book-smart.
There's street-smart,
PetSmart, Smart & Final–
holy crap, living with my dad
has given us a false sense
of intelligence!
Oh, my God.
To Chance, we're George.
As someone who grew up
embarrassed by their dad,
I don't wanna embarrass Chance
at his gifted orientation.
All those other parents
went to fancy colleges.
How are we gonna keep up?
They're gonna expect us
to have opinions
on the issues plaguing America.
And–and the only
opinions we have
are on the issues plaguing
the cast of "Vanderpump Rules."
And we're
two episodes behind.
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪
[speaking Spanish]
Time for work.
I booked us a night move.
I worked all day, and now
I have to work all night?
Hey, man. I need to stay up
so I don't dream.
I have to go one night,
at least,
without seeing Rosie and Josué.
If you're robbing the truck,
I have pepper spray
and a boyfriend who works out!
Oh, it's just tonto one
and tonto two.
Well,
you guys dodged a bullet.
And two very big guns.
We were leaving Mayan's,
and we saw the light.
What's going on?
Night move.
It turns out that there's a lot
of people who prefer to move
under the cover of darkness.
Well, I mean,
if you're working
with lowlifes and criminals,
obviously,
please give them my card.
Oscar's exhausted.
You can't make him
work a double shift.
I'll go with you.
What?
Me, you, alone,
at night?
Yes, we, together, go.
What is wrong with you?
No–nothing.
God.
[upbeat saxophone music]
Might I suggest
driving in a lane
that doesn't have a bike
painted on it?
Yeah, that's good,
keep annoying me
and reminding me
why I don't like you.
Let's just listen
to the radio.
Working on a night move ♪
Trying to make
some front page ♪
- This song–[laughs]
- Wow.
Brings back memories.
Driving around
in your grandpa's El Camino.
Oh well, he called it
El Tiburón, the shark.
[chuckles]
'Cause it had to keep moving
or it would die.
Yeah, I didn't care
where we were going
as long as I was going
with you.
That's how we ended up
in Long Beach.
We had to drive onto the sand
to get the car to stop.
- [laughs]
- Oh, that's right!
How do you remember that?
Ah, yeah.
That's where we made
some night moves of our own.
We sure did.
We were just young
and restless and bored ♪
Living by the sword ♪
Working on
our night moves ♪
Trying to lose
the awkward teenage blues ♪
Working on our night moves ♪
Ooh, it was summertime ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
[singing in Spanish]
♪
[shouting Spanish]
George, look out!
[metallic crashing]
What happened?
You fell asleep.
And hit another car.
Are you OK?
Yes.
Good.
Now what the hell
is wrong with you?
It's not my fault.
It's his fault!
[upbeat saxophone music]
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪
What are you doing?
Get out.
Don't look at me!
I see you're taking care
of your needs by journaling.
I feel so ashamed.
I do it all the time.
Sometimes, in that very chair.
After the accident,
I figured I needed something to
help me deal with my feelings.
But after all this journaling,
all it's done is remind me
of how much Rosie means to me.
Are you sure you really
have feelings for Rosie?
Or are you just jealous
of Josué?
Why would I be jealous
of stupid Josué?
Because of his perfect body?
His perfect hair,
his perfect mouth
filled with his own teeth?
Rosie is a great woman who
I lost because of my drinking.
And now that I'm sober…
I'm just thinking,
maybe it could be different.
For what it's worth,
I think you're a bigger catch
than Josué.
- Really?
- No.
But you can still try.
You literally have
nothing to lose, man.
♪
Here's Chance's desk.
If we don't want
these nerdy parents to know
that we're the dumbest people
in the room,
we've got
to keep our mouths shut
and practice active listening.
What's that?
You nod your head,
and you make yummy noises.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mm.
Oh, here comes Justin.
G'day, mates.
Enjoy it while you can
before the solar storm
affects our magnetic fields.
both: Mmm.
Mmm.
Mm.
[sighs] Sorry I'm late.
[sighs]
I was in surgery–
brain surgery.
On a baby.
I just saved a baby.
"Hello, parents.
"As the only child in here
with social skills,
"I have been selected
to welcome you.
"Tonight,
you'll be the students,
"because we're gonna
turn the tables,
"or should I say, desks.
"Hold for laughs.
"In front of you,
you'll find a bag of supplies.
Use them to make a star."
Excuse me.
Is this optional?
No.
You have five minutes.
Don't embarrass me.
OK,
we have Popsicle sticks…
- Mm-hmm.
- Pipe cleaner, paper cup–
ah, I was really hoping there
would be a whole star in here.
Are you chewing gum in class?
No.
Ugh.
Finished!
At light speed.
But not literally, because
that would be impossible.
[laughs sarcastically]
Oh, my God, there's
only three minutes left,
and we've got nothing!
We didn't know which star
they wanted us to make,
so we made two.
Polaris and Delta Velorum.
The only stars I can name
are on "Dancing With The."
♪
OK, George,
let's practice this again.
You have to remember that
when you're in traffic court,
it is very important
for you to remain calm.
[shouting] Mr. Lopez,
did you or did you not
fall asleep behind
the wheel of your truck?
Who's Mr. Lopez?
I'm Agent Cody Banks.
I think we should just
stop rehearsing his testimony
and start discussing how
he's going to survive jail.
Thank you for trying
to help this burro.
Of course.
[speaking Spanish]
I'm my own burro, thank you.
Burro supreme.
OK, we'll work
on this tomorrow.
I got to go prep a client
who had a slip and fall.
Onto a woman
that wasn't his wife.
Josué can spin anything,
including me
on the dance floor.
[chuckles] Ah.
I can dance, too.
Let me cut in with that.
[speaking Spanish]
[laughs] Ay!
[Rosie scoffs]
That wasn't very nice.
What's he gonna do,
sue me?
Oh–
You're all over
the place lately.
I'm worried.
Just been having
trouble sleeping.
Why?
What's going on with you?
Oh there's been something
on my mind,
something that I need to, um–
I need to tell you.
There's something
I need to tell you, too.
Let me go first.
No, no, I wanna go first.
You always went first.
It's my turn.
George, when you came back
into our lives,
I didn't know what to expect.
But…
you've come to mean
a lot to me.
- I have?
- Yes.
And that's why I really want
you to get along with Josué.
Oh.
I haven't felt this way
for another man since…
well–[chuckles]
You.
I think he's gonna stick around
for a while.
Maybe forever.
I didn't realize you were
so serious about him.
- I am.
- Mm.
Hmm.
Now, what did you
have to tell me?
Uh…
well, since, you know,
I've been sober,
I've been thinking clearer.
And, um, I–
I just–
I wanna say to you that I, um,
I'm happy for you.
Oh, George.
You must really be
sleep-deprived. [laughs]
[upbeat saxophone music]
[upbeat saxophone music]
Time's almost up.
We just have to attach
these last two pieces,
and we will have a star.
"There's been
a change of plans.
"In school, as in life,
"problems can arise
when you least expect it.
"So now instead of a star,
you have to make a sailboat.
You have one minute.
Go."
What?
You can't change the rules.
We created half a galaxy
over here.
Hey, hey,
we already have a sail.
We can use this cup
as the boat.
The pencil is the mast.
How do we attach the sail?
[gasps softly]
I have an idea.
Oh.
Whoa was dumb
but now has gum? ♪
Mayan and Quinten ♪
[chuckles]
Finished!
Ha-ha.
Time!
The only ones with the sailboat
are Chance's parents.
I'm as surprised as you are.
In your face,
Erica and Justin.
[scoffs]
This isn't fair.
You told us to make a star.
Sorry.
Boats rule, stars drool.
"In the real world,
problems are messy
"and don't have
just one solution.
That's why we have to learn
to be adaptable."
Yeah, instead of making
a Mars Rover,
you ought to make
a Mars sailboat.
The rules are the rules.
When your mother tells you
to go to Johns Hopkins,
you go to Johns Hopkins!
"We hope you had
a good time tonight.
See you at the cookie table."
Can you believe
how they just acted?
[Mayan chuckles]
I guess this Johnny Hopkins guy
doesn't teach you
how to keep your cool.
Nope.
Hey.
It doesn't matter
that we didn't go to college,
because we're adaptable.
We had a kid at 17,
changed our careers,
and made a bomb-ass sailboat.
Damn right, we're adaptable.
So I guess Chance
got his smarts from both of us.
Yeah, well,
we're not that smart.
We just stood here
patting each other on the back,
and now all the cookies
are gone.
I stole all the cookies.
Meet me in the car.
Now that,
he got from his grandpa.
The Lopez way!
[upbeat saxophone music]
♪
Afternoon coffee again.
You either missed another BM,
or you didn't tell Rosie
how you feel.
I realized that if
I told Rosie how I felt,
I'd run the risk
of hurting her again.
She's happy now.
She deserves that.
So if I can't be with her
in real life,
at least I can be with her
in my dreams.
That's really mature of you.
And great news because
now we can be together.
[falsetto]
Kiss me, Georgie.
Kiss me!
[screams]
Back to the circus,
bearded lady!
At least you're finally
dreaming about women.
[upbeat saxophone music]