Metalocalypse (2006) s02e07 Episode Script

Big Dethklok-related news today in Sydney, Australia.
The head of Dethklok Australia.
was violently assassinated by a team of terrorists.
who are referring to themselves as the Revengencers.
Dethklok had no comment.
Okay, subpoena, subpoena, subpoena, Netflix awesome.
Naked-lady fan mail possibly awesome, possibly horrible.
Subpoena.
Oh, what's this? - Pickles.
- Oh.
Hey, Pickles.
It's your brother, Seth.
And it's been a while, and I know we've had some tough times but I've really changed.
Changed my whole life.
I'm sober now, and with my new clarity I've found the world is an awesome and wonderful place.
I'm getting married and we want you and Dethklok to come to our wedding.
Remember to bring your heart.
# Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! # It appears as if Dethklok.
is participating in a wedding.
General Crozier.
Pickles' brother, Seth was recently released from Wisconsin State Prison.
after serving eight months for driving intoxicated selling fake cocaine to an undercover officer and beating a prostitute with a brick.
Seth is a violent pathological liar and charlatan.
I believe his reasons for marriage may simply.
be for a chance to reunite with his brother's wealth.
Gentlemen, our wedding expert Dr.
Milminaman- lanilim-swinwamly.
Dr.
Milminaman- lanilim-swinwamly? Gentlemen, the American wedding is a dark and fearful sham.
The event itself is designed to incite anger and drain.
loved ones of patience, support, and money.
Most marriages fail miserably in two years.
Others end in murder-suicides.
A small percentage of them end with a term.
we like to call "livable hatred.
" Marriage has always been a black and repugnant sore.
on human living.
Since the early 1900s marriage has been spun by the vendors and marketers.
The people that find it the most attractive are wedding planners CratenBarrel, and the various religious organizations.
Dethklok should be kept as far away.
from the institution of marriage as possible.
Marriage is suffering enough.
We mustn't intervene, General.
We will allow Dethklok to experience the blackness.
Well, normally I dread an event like this but seeing how knotted up it's gotten you, Pickles I'm sure I will enjoy it.
Yeah, it's fun to watch somebody go through family hell.
Weddings are only good for two things tax breaks and adultery.
That's what I say.
And kissings and huggings.
And opens bars.
Yeah, but, Toki, remember, takes it easy.
Last time, I was in charge of yous all night.
And yous was a sloppys mess! Hey you don'ts gots to worry about olds Toki.
Don't take this the wrong way Pickles, but your your brother's kind of, um kind of a weird greedy dick, you know? Look, Pickles.
Look how great your brother's doing.
Oh, where am I looking? Look at his house room.
Well, you converted the attic.
Look, he has an all-in-one fax machine.
He's a professional.
Go give him a hug.
Feels good, doesn't it Hugging your own brother? Being close to his Face like this.
You got a couple of bones.
to procure some guys? I meant to restock the mini fridge.
You know, run out of time.
Whoa, uh, yeah, here's, uh give me two, you know, five hundie.
You know, maybe, you know I don't want to sell this short, you hear? I got Dethklok in my house room! Ha! Mitch and Bobby aren't gonna believe this.
I'm excited about you guys throwing me a bachelor party! Oh, and by the way, this is little Amber the love of my heart.
Isn't she an angel? Turn around.
Turn around.
Boy, there's nothing like love, is there? Oh, no, it's great.
He's really gonna be a good husband.
Should I be worried? I mean, he looks like he's drinking.
He said he's not drinking anymore.
I'm sure he's true to his word.
He's having a lot of alcohol but that doesn't mean he's off the wagon.
And who are those goofballs? Oh, those are Seth's pals, you know? A couple of high-school dropouts who scam on teenage chicks.
and steal and run crystal-meth houses.
You know, beat up kids, rob, lie, possibly kill.
Awesome! Let's go, rich bitch! Hey throw down some cash.
We're getting Seth a Lap dance.
Yeah, rich bitch.
Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, mmm! I want to invite you to Check out my brother Pickles.
And Dethklok.
And, well, as long as you don't kill us.
my brother.
hard life, you know.
And then And, like Give to him the.
Most amazing gift the gift of Eros.
How about an H-job? His, Pickle! Trys not to get hepatitis C's from thats! Hey, those girls are pretty skankys.
Yeah, those girls are I'd do them.
Yes, I'd do thems, too.
Should we call it a night? Oh, no, you don't! I just ordered shots.
Everybody, can we have your attention? Sethy wants to say something.
I just want to make a little speech, you know.
All right, Seth! Wedding-rehearsal dinner.
Anyway, here goes.
My big brother got everything in life, and I got.
Everything was handed to him on a silver platter.
Things are gonna be Different.
I got my shit together now.
I got a wife and a Mouth to feed on the way so it makes me responsible, you know.
And I got I also got several business endeavors you know, coming up with Dethklok.
It's all good, you know.
It's all good.
I just can't wait to see what Dethklok.
got me for a wedding gift.
- Thank you! - Way to go, Seth! He's trying to escape! - No! - Get him! No! No! What, are you gonna run away and leave us here? I didn't know! I didn't know it was gonna be like this! I didn't know! I didn't know! A wedding! A family wedding! Stop hitting me! Can't help it! Did you hear that speech? Everybody's on his side.
They Let's leave.
Let's leave now.
Let's go! Let's go! Don't be stupid, Pickles.
Did you hear him talking about Dethklok business endeavors? I know, Pickles.
I know.
Look, we can't leave.
Not yet.
It's just too funny.
Hilarious! It's really good.
Hey, Pickles! I need your, you know, credit card for a second.
He's getting away again! Get him! No! No! No! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today.
to join in holy matrimony Seth and Amber.
Heh, the Midwest.
Whoa.
A bunch of Swedes came here over and got fat and ugly.
I loves it.
Oh, you know it! Fats and ugly! Takes it easy on the sauce.
Oh, yous takes it easy on the sauce.
You're nots the boss of me.
I gonna go gets another.
You wants one? Yeah.
Hey, hey.
You know, there something I've always wanted to know.
You're musicians.
You can help me out.
Uh, what's the difference between the guitar.
and the bass guitar? Me gonna do solo albums.
All Toki.
Gonna be called "Toki is the king!" Hold on.
Mmm.
Oh, I gonna throws up.
Throws up and takes a nap.
Good nights! I got a niece.
She's thinking of going to art school.
What do you think? Is that something you think that might help out at all? You guys got that long hair.
My mom had long hair.
Does the stretch pants hurt when you sing? You know what I'd like to learn? To play the piano without a color chart.
# Blue, orange, green # # Blue, blue # # Blue, orange # Oh, look, it's Face and Dildo Licker.
Oh, thank god.
What's up, dildos? Hey, we're almost out of alcohol! Yeah, it's all gone.
Oh, you want to talk to Pickles right over there.
All right, quiet down, everybody.
I guess Pickles' band is gonna play.
# I would like to take this time to say.
congratulations to the two of you # # Your lives are a vision of hell # # Death will do you part # # Now kiss your ass goodbye # # So glad, such a big step you made # # Tied the knot, rotting blackened veins # # Open bar has closed forever # # Spend your lives together # # Time passes # # We rot # # Good riddance # # My own thoughts # # Trapped in a cage # # Behind the fences # # Must you complete # # All of my sentences? # # Only way out is your death # Well, this is the big Moment.
The big gift from Dethklok.
Wonder what it's gonna be, you know? Should I open it? Open the gift! I think it's gonna be Sweet! Opens it! All right.
here goes nothing.
What the is this, what the is this.
You penny-pinching holes.
It's what you registered for at Cratenbarrel! Pickles! You piece of How dare you come.
and ruin my wedding? All right, that's it! I'm gonna kill you! Aah! Aah! This is great.
This is some good drama.
You can't pay for this.
No, you can't.
It just simply is.
It's like an eclipse or something.
You got to be there.
Just, you got to be there.
Guys, we betters leaves! The cops is heres! TOKl: Yeah, the pigs' sirens is going offs! Scrambles! Will you guys quit staring at me, please? I've never seen so much blood at a wedding.
Awesome.
Man, you really beat up your brother.
That was pretty cool.
But, dude, I feel bad for him.
But you just beat him up.
It was awesome.
Why would you I don't know why.
I feel bad for him.
I hate it.
Oh, but it's nots supposed to make sense for, you sees, we are aimless hate-filled animals.
scampering away into the nights.
That's right.
For, you see, that's whats familys is.
Peoples whats you hates.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
You, uh, wanted to see me.
Look, I feel bad about this whole thing.
Can't we just give my brother a job and just get him off Oh, y-you really you really want that guy working for us? There's got to be a better way to solve it.
Well, actually, Pickles if you want to involve your brother in the Dethklok company there may be a job opening a very dangerous job opening very far away.
But if you were okay with this he could be placed in charge of Dethklok Australia.