Mighty Med (2013) s02e07 Episode Script

Ohh.
What a week.
We traveled to another planet, saved Skylar's life, and almost died like five times.
It's nice to be back, safe and sound.
I'm bored.
Don't distract me.
I'm using a cheat code to get the high score on this video game.
I did it! The high score I achieved my life's goal! I'm bored.
Kaz, you can't use a cheat code to get the high score.
That's cheating.
Yeah.
That's what cheat codes are for to cheat.
Otherwise they'd have a different name, like "honesty codes" or Larry Finkle.
You need to be careful, Kaz.
Everything you do in life determines what kind of a person you become.
Today it's cheating on a video game, tomorrow you cheat on a test, next thing you know, you're a homicidal maniac.
Wow.
That story took a really dark turn.
Look at me.
I do good deeds all the time, so who knows? I may grow up to be president one day.
I do have the perfect face for being on money.
Which looks better wig or no wig? Um what the heck? Who are you? I'm you.
Kaz.
From the future.
'Sup.
I'm here on an important mission.
Wh-Who are you really? I mean, sure, you kind of look like Kaz, and you do look like you're from the future, and you did just appear out of nowhere Okay, I buy it.
No, no.
I don't.
How do I know you're really me? I can do a terrible impression of a robot.
I am a robot.
Beep boop boop bramp bromp.
You are me! This is so cool! And I am so glad I'm not bald.
That was a real concern.
This is so weird.
I have so many questions.
What's the future like? Pretty much exactly the same as now.
Except we're ruled by giant insects.
You know what, though? They're actually doing a pretty good job.
Anyway, I was sent here to stop someone from turning into a villain in the future and destroying the world.
Cool! So who's the villain? You are.
Uh, what? Th-That's impossible.
I-I have fancy return address labels.
What kind of villain has fancy return address labels? Slaughter Master? Slaughter Master? Fine.
Other than Slaughter Master.
See this news report? This is Oliver twenty-five years from now using a human body as a canoe.
"Approval rating at all-time high for George W.
Bug.
" So I really do become a villain.
Don't worry, Oliver.
I work for the League of Heroes, and they sent me here to stop you from doing the one thing that triggers the events that turns you evil.
Oh.
Good.
S-So what's the one thing? Huh.
Probably shoulda asked that before I left.
He is me.
I so would have done that.
Doesn't your computer have the information? It doesn't give all the details.
It only confirms if I've changed the future.
Oh, and it also levitates! Watch.
It doesn't always work.
So how will you know what to stop me from doing? I'll just use my common sense.
We're doomed.
Wait.
Since this thing I do that's supposed to turn me evil happens today, I can just sit here and do nothing, and it'll never happen.
It just happened.
What? Sitting on the gurney was the thing.
You become a villain now.
What?! No, that can't be.
How could that possibly make him a villain? Well, sitting on the gurney was only the first link in a chain of events that leads to a life of crime and destruction.
Well, what's the next link? That.
Asking that question.
Pffft.
Followed by scoffing like that.
So that's it? M-My fate is sealed? I grow up to become a villain? Of course not! You won't grow up at all.
See, if I wasn't able to stop you from becoming a villain, Plan B of my mission is to terminate you.
Wow.
I can't believe this.
How did I get such a cool job in the future? Uh uh, hey, look! Something shiny! Ooh! Where? Ooh! Where? Okay, I don't see anything shiny I do see a cockroach.
What are you doing?! He could be president one day.
It's so nice to not be evil anymore.
It's really freed up time in my schedule to do my scrapbooking.
I guess you don't have time in your schedule to come up with more interesting stories.
Hey, Mesmera! How are you? Surge.
Up top! Ohh! Philip, why is everyone mad at me? Well, you did try to annihilate half the staff here and succeeded in annihilating the other half.
Now our softball team has no left side of the infield! Skylar, why are you so upset? This is great news! You're the most hated person in all of Mighty Med now.
Why is that great news? Because it used to be me.
Oliver, why would we come to The Domain? It's such an obvious place for Future Me to look for us.
No, it's so obvious that Future You ould think that we would think it was way too obvious, and that we'd never be stupid enough to come here.
I knew you'd come here.
It was so obvious! You have three options of what can happen next.
You can be sucked into a black hole, you can be hurled into a black hole, or I can release you.
Release me! Okay, I'll release you.
Into a black hole.
You paused on purpose! Kaz, please! Talk to yourself! Convince Future You not to terminate me! Okay, I'll do my best, but as you know, my best is, like, D-plus, C-minus.
So he's not gonna send me into a black hole? Ya know, actually I forgot to ask about that.
Then what was that whole conversation about? Ah, well, he was upset that I pointed my finger angrily like this.
Said people in the future do it like this.
And I agreed.
I like his way better.
Future Kaz, please! Y-You don't want to do this! It's me! Oliver! Your best friend! Your partner in crime! Actually, we haven't been best friends since you became evil.
And your partner in crime is the villain Skullface.
You're hilariously mismatched.
You like things to be neat, and he has a skull for a face.
Hey, Gamma Girl.
Uhh! Wow! She only shoved me! She used to scramble my insides with gamma rays.
I'm so popular now! Skylar, what are you doing? I paid the Human Blade to make free smoothies for everyone.
That way, I won't be the most hated person in Mighty Med anymore! What?! No!!! Uh, you can't! I mean, I wouldn't give everyone free smoothies if I were you.
Yeah, because you're stingy and hate happiness.
True but the bigger issue is people hate smoothies.
They're too smooth and too delicious, and people hate things that are too much of anything.
You're crazy.
I'm too crazy, and that's why people hate me.
Or used to.
All right, everyone, the Human Blade will make you all fresh smoothies! My treat! Uhh! Skylar, look what you did! Why did you push Surge like that? Someone could have lost a body part that doesn't grow back.
No, no, no! I didn't push Surge.
I saw you.
And you cut off Solar Flare's ponytail! Now she looks like a pony with no tail! That's standing on two legs! And wearing a Solar Flare costume! Please! Don't do this! I'll give you anything you want! You want money? Wig or no wig.
You do look good in a wig.
But this is useless to me.
We don't have money in the future.
It's a purely pollen-based economy.
Hey! That was my Hey! That was my second-favorite shirt! Third-favorite shirt! Third-favorite shirt? Yeah, we get a really cool shirt in eleventh grade.
Cool! Something to look forward to.
Ah.
Looks like spraying that shirt has altered the future.
Oliver doesn't grow up to be a villain anymore! Ha! That's great! But now I'm a villain! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some unfinished business to attend to.
Starting with buying this action figure! Now to wreak havoc on the city! I'm a villain? This is terrible! I know.
On the bright side, you're gonna be rich.
I bet in the future that action figure is worth ten times as much pollen.
This is bad.
I don't want to grow up to be a villain! I want to grow up to be one of those wacky guys who stands outside car dealerships doing this! Those are just dancing balloon men.
They are? Man, this is the worst day ever.
Um, Kaz.
Your chin.
You know what this means? Yes.
I have stubble.
I have stubble.
This is the best day ever! But my shirt's still wet.
This is the worst day ever! Future You said he had a score to settle.
So where did he go? Kaz.
Quick, think of everything you hate.
Do I have to? You know I hate thinking.
Right.
And what place makes you think? School! What are you doing? This place brought me so much misery that I'm gonna tear down every Spirit Week and pep rally poster in here! That's it? And then send the entire school into a black hole and erase it from the face of the Earth! Wow, we really do pause a lot.
You can't destroy the school.
There's a basketball game in the gym.
There're students here.
I don't care.
That's the Number Two trait of being a villain: Not caring.
I don't care what Number One is.
You can't beat me.
I'm you! I know every move you've got.
Yeah? Well, I know your every weakness.
Ow! Watch the hair! Ow! Watch the hair! Hey, Lizard Man.
Hey, Surge.
Wow! He only flicked my forehead.
He used to zap me with electricity until my gums bled.
Life is good.
Skylar.
What is that? I'm going to give presents to all the superheroes and staff at Mighty Med.
What?! You can't do that! I mean, because it's impossible to buy friends.
Trust me.
I've tried.
Oh ho.
These aren't nice presents.
I got people the most hurtful gifts I could think of.
For Horace a video of bridges being demolished.
For Philip, a huge hat that'll make him think his head is even tinier.
But then people will hate you more than they already do.
I don't care.
I had so much bad stuff happen to me this year losing my powers, becoming evil, almost kissing Oliver The only good thing in my life was all my friends here at Mighty Med.
And now I don't even have that.
So if everyone's going to hate me for no reason, I might as well give them a real reason to hate me.
She's miserable, and it's all my fault.
So this is what guilt feels like.
I don't like it! Oooh! Oh ho! Aha! Aha! Oh, nice.
I know, right? Yes! Yaaaah! Kaz! This thing's fully charged.
Stay back or I'll use it! I have seen the future and we're a villain.
Just accept it! Well, maybe I can't change you, but I can stop you from hurting anyone.
What are you doing? I'm gonna send myself into a black hole.
That way I won't exist anymore in the present, and I won't become a villain in the future.
Kaz, don't! Oliver, he's threatening to destroy the entire school.
Do you know what's in that gym? Cheerleaders! Really hot cheerleaders! I can't let that happen.
Wait! There's news from the future.
Ah.
President George W.
Bug got reelected.
Oh! And Kaz is no longer a villain.
I'm not? I'm not? That is awesome! That is awesome! Wait.
I don't understand.
What changed? Remember this morning I told you everything you do determines what kind of person you become? Well, you're not a villain anymore because you were willing to sacrifice yourself to save others.
Well, mostly cheerleaders.
Okay, my work is done here.
I guess.
I was never totally sure what I was supposed to do.
I'm so glad I got to meet you.
Can't wait to grow up to be you.
Thanks.
Can you do me one favor? Start flossing your teeth.
You can't imagine how much dental work we need.
I can't make any promises.
Well, there's my ride.
Wait.
Before you go, I have one question.
Now that I'm not a villain in the future, what am I? I don't know but it turns out your face is actually on a five dollar bill.
Cool! Which we use to wipe our butts.
Again with the pauses! Wow! What a day.
That was insane! I know.
Just when I thought our lives couldn't get any crazier.
I'm bored.
I'm bored.
Attention, everyone! I've called you all together for this meeting because Because I'm a maniac and I must be stopped! Aah Alan, what is wrong with you? I told you.
I'm a maniac and I must be stopped! No! I got everyone together to give them those presents! Hey, don't try to stop me! But you just said, "I'm a maniac and I must be stopped!" Well, I misspoke! Aaah! Argghh! What is wrong with you?! You didn't just destroy our presents you ruined all this lovely wrapping paper! And these bows! You, sir, are a monster! Alan, I know what you did.
The elevator smelled that way when I got on.
I swear! I know you didn't want everyone to keep hating me so you took the bullet yourself.
And the darts.
And whatever that guy is throwing.
I know you like to act all mean and tough, but deep down, you're kind of a sweetheart.
I'm not a sweetheart.
I said "kind of" a sweetheart! I don't know what you're talking about.
I did this because people should do what they're good at, and I'm good at being hated.
Well, just know that even if now you're the most hated person here, not everybody hates you.
Uhh! Uhh! Oohh! Aaah! Uhh! Huh.
I did kind of miss that.