Monarch Of The Glen (2000) s02e07 Episode Script

Tell Lizzie I'm sorry I can't be there, but with everything- I'm sure she'll understand.
I'll give you a call as soon as there's any news.
Give her my best, Molly.
Bring back a bucking son and heir! I'll try.
Darling, are you sure you won't come? A child? That's not really my bag, darling.
All that yelling and thrashing about.
I'll give you a call as soon as we get to London.
I expect a full report: Height, weight, condition of teeth.
Lexie: Newborn babies aren't supposed to have teeth.
I mean the father! Find out when the bum is gonna make an honest woman of my daughter! ( moaning ) - are you all right back there? - Just about.
Why don't you give them a call? Tell 'em you're coming home.
I'd rather do this face to face- oh! Hold on! Good! We're late! Foot down, Duncan.
Kilwillie: So you still haven't met the sire? She found him after she left that weirdo Gerald.
He's something in the wine trade.
Oh, capital.
Is he gonna marry her? ( jeep revving ) Hector: Someone remind me why I employ that boy.
Can't be far now.
- Whoaaah! - ( tires screeching ) Have you gone completely mad?! This is a private drive, not Brand's Hatch! ( woman moans ) Hello, mommy.
Lizzie, darling! I think I'm gonna have the baby- ow! Oh, my! ( theme music playing ) It was Archie's idea to use the old boathouse.
Quite bright, really.
So what do you think, Kilwillie? Brave new world, eh? It's certainly a lot bigger than I thought it was gonna be.
Yes, Archie's come up tops.
- Chip off the old block.
- Hmm come on, old man, you haven't seen the half of it yet.
I can't wait.
So what time's the journo coming? He's already here, nosing around the place.
You sure you can't join us? I'm sorry, Arch, I just- got a million things to do before tomorrow.
Packing and stuff.
Actually, I was gonna ask you and Katrina, of course, if you'd like to come to supper tonight? Give you a proper sendoff.
Of course, if you're busy- no, that'd be great.
We'd both love to come.
Good.
8:00 then? See you later.
Hector: So we're trying to create a place where there's something for everyone to enjoy.
- You will put that in the "Gazette"? - Aye.
- Name is Hector- - "Naismith MacDonald.
" Exactly.
My good friend and neighbor lord Kilwillie.
- It's a big spread, is it? - If there's a story.
There's a story all right.
My son Archie.
Campbell McCrory, "Strathspey Gazette.
" - Pleased to meet you- - Hector: Shall we go and see your secret weapon? Secret weapon? What secret weapon? All in good time, Kilwillie.
All in good time.
She's been having contractions since the loch.
Come on, darling, we're nearly there.
Blimey, I didn't know I was driving royalty.
- You'd better call a midwife.
- Call a what? Oh! No, don't bother, Lex.
What is it, darling? Do you know, it's the strangest feeling.
I think they've stopped.
They've just completely stopped.
Come on, sweetheart.
Slowly.
That's it.
( driver whistles ) Molly: Why didn't you telephone, let us know you were coming? Spur of the moment thing.
I just knew I wanted my baby to be born at home, so I jumped on a train and here I am.
Oh, how lovely! You're coming back to spawn at the place of your birth, just like a salmon.
I understand completely.
I'm not in the way, am I? I know Archie's got other things on his mind, what with the opening and so on.
- More than that, to tell the truth.
- Oh? Do tell.
Katrina's leaving Glenbogle.
- You're kidding! When? - Tomorrow.
- Oh! - Quick, quick! Oh.
No, no, I'm fine.
Miss McLean is going to be in charge next year, and she's promised to tell me how you lot are behaving.
So, when the bell goes, I want you to walk, slowly- down the corridor and get your stuff.
Yes, Sandy? What's so great about New Zealand, miss? Well it's very beautiful.
And it's got lots of great things there, like mountains and lakes and - wildlife.
- How far is it? Come up here and I'll show you.
We're here and tomorrow, I've got to go to Edinburgh to catch the sleeper to London, which is where I get my visa.
And then I catch a flight all the way - to New Zealand.
- That's miles, miss.
I know.
We'll have it put back just the way it was.
You can have your baby right here in your old room.
- Want this put in here? - Thank you.
Do you know, I had all three of my children in this house on that very beanbag! I'll go get the rest of your stuff.
He seems a nice enough young man.
He is, certainly compared to what I'm used to.
Will, uh, Donald be joining us? It's David.
- Of course.
- No, he won't.
It's a long story.
I rather thought it might be.
Why don't you tell me and then I can prime your father? Archie: Our head ranger discovered that the Woodland Trust is organising a competition.
There's a big cash prize, of course, and it would be great publicity for us if we win.
What do you think of that, eh? Proud symbol of the renaissance of the MacDonald family! What kind of competition are we talking about here? Gentlemen, we very much hope that what you're looking at is the tallest tree in Scotland.
( chuckling ) Oh no, you're not.
I beg your pardon? Oh no.
Not by a long chalk.
( mccrory muttering ) no, no.
"all's fir in love and war.
" ( sheep bleating ) Kilwillie: This is it.
- This is the tallest tree in Scotland.
- Rubbish! It's an absolute monster.
You can see for yourself.
- A mere sapling! - It's open competition.
The judges will decide.
It's blatant treachery! He's stolen your idea! I've never stolen anything in my life! That's your story! Well, there's an easy way to prove it.
- William? - Yes, your lordship? There's a modest little pine on the neighboring estate.
Bit of a shrimp, but perhaps you would - be so good as to go measure it for me? - Right you are, sir.
Certainly not! Who the devil are you? This is William, my new man.
Golly, if you see this oik within 50 yards of my tree, you have my permission to shoot him on sight! - Right you are, boss.
- And who might you be? They call me Golly.
Golly the ghillie.
That is my name, friend.
Don't wear it out.
You'll be Kilwillie's new ghillie Billy.
Face facts, Hector.
You're just fizzing.
Because my tree's taller than yours.
- It is not! - It is so! It's much taller.
That is enough.
- Not! - Is! - Not! - Jolly well is, and you know it! Very well, we'll just have to find out, won't we? A centuries old tribal enmity - rekindled.
- Steady on, mate.
Come on.
Clan warfare has returned to Glenbogle! ( chuckles ) - Thanks very much.
- No problem.
Have a good summer.
I'm never going to be able to do all that.
Head teacher! You are going to be brilliant.
You can still change your mind, you know.
I can always get a job somewhere else.
Why are you feeling so sorry for me? I am going to a beautiful place with a wonderful man.
What can be so bad about that? And Archie? Haven't heard from him since Fergal told him.
Do you think he's avoiding you? I think it's more likely he couldn't care less.
It is just a tree after all.
How much did I spend on your education? It's a totem! The clan of the MacDonalds against the sniveling loyalists of Kilwillie castle.
Hector! Molly's told me to tell you- never mind that now! Get a shotgun, ammunition, and a sleeping bag- - but- - guard Archie's tree with your life! If I know my neighbor, its continued good health is in jeopardy! - Okay, Hector.
- Before you go, can you explain why a hackney carriage is parked on my drive? That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Lizzie's here! What? She's in her old bedroom.
So, you must be the man.
- If you say so.
- I've been waiting a long time to meet you.
I'm Lizzie's father, head of the family.
Oh, right.
Pleased to meet you, sir.
Never mind the sir.
In the circumstances, you may call me Hector.
Fergal: I'm nervous about this too, if it's any consolation.
I wouldn't have thought you got nervous about anything.
Hey, half man, half jellyfish.
Well, I'm all jellyfish.
Come on, it's scary.
Of course, it is.
What you do every day- teaching a class of kids- that is terrifying.
I could never do that.
That's 'cause you could never stand still long enough.
It's 24 hours in a plane.
That's all.
Come on, it's not like it's the other side of the world.
What do you want to do on our last night in the northern hemisphere? Well, actually Archie's invited us up to the big house tonight.
Oh.
We don't have to go.
Of course we have to go.
One near birth and one near crash later, here I am.
And the black cab? - Belongs to Sean.
- Who is? My helpful and very heroic taxi driver.
Right.
So you're here on your own then? You know me, Arch, always travel light.
( pops ) What do you think? Tastes cracking to me.
That's an expensive one then? Chateau La Touche, '64.
I'm sure a man in your line of business will appreciate its caliber, the bouquet, the subtle influence of strawberries.
Aye, pretty good.
How about a refill? Of course.
So, uh what firm do you work for? It's just me and my dad, really.
- A family business? - Yeah.
- Lucrative? - Well, it puts food on the table, and clothes on the wee'uns.
- Wee'uns? - Bairns.
Kids.
Children?! Aye, three.
I live with them and their mother in Glasgow.
And- and- Lizzie knows about this? Sure.
I told her all about them on the way up here.
So who do I speak to about my money? - Your what? - Aye, it's 173 quid.
But seeing as you're doing me bed and breakfast, we'll call it 150 for cash, eh? So your true color is revealed.
I'm sorry to have to tell you, that the gravy train to Glenbogle has just been derailed! Ahem.
I've not got cash.
I can do you a check.
Pay the bounder off, Archie! Don't want his kind around here.
Father, Sean is Lizzie's taxi driver.
- He drove her up from Glasgow.
- Taxi driver? From Glasgow?! You won't be needing this, for a start, will you? ( insects buzzing ) ( groaning ) Listen, I'll tell you what, we'll have a password, okay? If either of us'll say I don't know rota rew are mod? - Kiwi fruit.
- Okay.
Kiwi fruit it is.
"Kiwi fruit-" and off we shoot.
- Hello, stranger! - Lizzie! Look at you! - This is Fergal.
- I've heard all about you.
- All good, I hope? - Highly recommended.
This is Lizzie, Archie's sister.
- big sister.
- Very big sister.
If that cabbie isn't the father, who is? We'll talk about it later, darling.
- ( clinking crystal ) - Lexie: Speech! We were thinking of something to give Fergal to thank him for all his hard work in helping to turn the estate around apart from a you-know-who.
and we came up with these.
A compass, so you won't get lost on your travels.
A stopwatch, so you'll always be on time.
And this so you can open a bottle of beer, while taking stones out of a horse's hoof at the same time.
Thank you, Archie.
No, thank you.
Thanks for everything.
( cheers ) ( insects swarming ) Ugh- no! Guard it yourself! Hector: So, there you are.
I gather your young man is not able to join us? That's right.
I think we're entitled to meet our prospective son-in-law.
Hector, perhaps we can talk about this later? Hector: Any sign of wedding bells on the horizon, as an accompaniment to a patter of tiny feet? - I don't think so.
- Call me old-fashioned if you'd like, but I believe a child should have two parents, preferably of opposite gender, and ideally, married.
- He is married.
- I should hope- he's what?! We met in France at a trade fair.
One thing led to another.
I think we can all see what it led to.
Up until two weeks ago, I thought everything was going to be okay.
But now he's gone back to his wife.
- Why didn't you tell us? - Because I knew how you'd react.
What do you expect, a pat on the back? Lizzie, darling, don't upset yourself.
- Hector, stop this at once! - You are utterly irresponsible.
Always have been.
Getting yourself in this mess without a thought of the effect on the family.
That's all you care about, isn't it? Who the father is? Whether I'm polluting the great MacDonald gene pool? It's me that's having the baby.
If the father's not around- I've rather got used to that state of affairs over the past 30 years! How dare you speak like that to your father! - Some father.
- What?! - Come on, Sean.
- Lizzie! I shall speak to you later.
- Kiwi fruit.
- Kiwi fruit.
I am so sorry you should have seen us like this.
Don't worry.
Goodbye, Molly.
Are you sure you won't stay for round two? I've got a busy day tomorrow.
I got you this- a pine cone? It's from the big fir up on the hill.
I was thinking about replanting some of the ground spoor, and putting it back to the way it was.
That's a very lovely idea.
I seem to remember it was your very lovely idea.
Right.
- See you around, Arch.
- Have a good trip.
Well goodbye.
Thanks for everything, Katrina.
Goodbye, Archie.
Where do you think you're going to, young lady? Sean's taking me back to Glasgow.
I think I might be a wee bit over the limit.
Kilwillie Castle, then.
You're going to Kilwillie's castle? That is treachery! - I'm sure he'll be more welcoming.
- Ho! "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is, to have a thankless child.
" Hector, if you go on like this, I shall never, ever speak to you again.
Come on, Lizzie! Don't waste your breath, mom, he obviously doesn't want anything to do with his grandchild.
Given my shortcomings as a father, I should imagine that would be a profound relief to you.
Lizzie, there's a warm bed waiting for you upstairs.
She's impossible, eh, Archie? I know what you're going to say.
You know what he's like.
Snobbish, reactionary, pigheaded! I'm 32 years old, and he can still wind me up like nobody else.
- He has his good points.
- Such as?! He's very- loyal.
Not to me, he's not! Besides, I want more than that from my father.
Loyalty is something you get from a dog! ( sighs ) ( dogs whining ) Ha! Et tu, Monty? I don't know what I expected of him.
Though unconditional love wouldn't have been a bad start.
I think you're going to have to lower your sights.
This is father we're talking about.
- right.
- He'll be fine.
He just takes a little longer to get there than the rest of us.
In the meantime, you have me.
What did I do to deserve you as little brother? You could have done without me tonight, couldn't you? Don't be silly.
So how do you feel about her going away? It's her decision.
That's not what I asked you.
Besides, it's too late now.
I've lost her, Lizzie.
I gather Kilwillie's tree is simply enormous? What's that?! Molly: Don't bait your father, dear.
He may be an insufferable dinosaur, but there's no need to stoop to his level.
It's like teasing a child.
Pass Lexie's burnt toast, would you, dear? Molly: Do you know I had all three of my children in this house, and Hector managed somehow not to be here each and every time? I couldn't bear to see you suffer - all that thrashing about.
Molly: He was still in the reserves, of course, when Jamie was born.
- Posted overseas.
- Cheltenham.
And then when you, Lizzie, came along, he and Kilwillie went off to the Royal Highland Show.
Came back three days later- still roaring drunk, with some kind of combine harvester.
Massey-Ferguson 340, still in perfect working order.
- I didn't think we did combine harvesting? - We don't.
And with Archie, I think we managed to keep him home that time.
Locked all the doors, battened down the hatches.
And then, we found a rope ladder, hanging down from the tower.
Eventually got a phone call, two days later, from a b&b in- where was it again? Stromness.
- Ullapool, actually, old darling.
- I'm not speaking to you.
"Strathspey Gazette.
" Ah.
You made the front page.
Now then, where are we- what's this? It's all about bally trees! Nothing about your visitors' center at all, Archie.
And they spelt my name wrong! And they say there's no such thing as bad publicity.
Hector, the tree- sorry, breakfast.
What is it, boy? Spit it out! Somebody's chopped the top of your tree off.
Father.
( all giggling ) - Unspeakable bounder! - You do not need the shotgun.
- Come on, Golly, all hands on deck.
- What's happened? Sabotage! Oh, yes, I'm very confident of victory.
Wouldn't you agree, William? Yes, sir.
Kilwillie: There she is.
My Titan.
My Colossus.
What have they done to you? "Now cracks a noble heart.
" ( sobs ) And vengeance shall be mine! Please don't tell me you've packed the coffee.
Hello.
I want to ask you to be godmother.
- Of course.
- look after the moral welfare of the child if I'm run over by a bus, in the absence of any suitable paternal role models.
Your dad'll come round.
He's just worried about you, about you bringing up a child on your own.
A lot he'd know about it, wouldn't he? Pack 'em off to boarding school as soon as they're out of nappies, that's his way of dealing with children.
I left home when I was seven, do you know that? You keep coming back, though, don't you? Summer holidays, Easter, Christmas- every chance I could get.
A sucker for punishment.
Now it's your turn to leave home.
Had to get out before I hit 30.
He really must have swept you off your feet, lucky girl! It's all happened so fast.
Do you love him? Fergal? He's bright.
He's funny.
He's got tons of energy.
But? He's rootless.
He doesn't belong anywhere.
And you do.
Yes, I do.
You can always come back.
Summer holidays, easter and Christmas? Stop me, if I'm being completely dense here, but this doesn't have anything to do with Archie, does it? I just don't know how it happened.
Desertion was a court-martial offense in my day.
- What's the diagnosis? - Someone has been up there with climbing spikes on, marks all over the tree.
Duncan, Golly, saddle up.
We're going over the border.
Ah ah ah.
Do you not think there are more important things to consider? Like your daughter? The imminent arrival of your grandchild? There's plenty of time for that later! This is war! ( Archie sighs ) I know you're trying to be a good sister, Lizzie, but Archie's had months to say something and he hasn't.
- If he really cared about me- - he's mad about you! He told me as much last night.
He doesn't want you to go.
I don't want you to go.
I think, in your heart of hearts, you don't want to go.
That's not true! You'd rather ride off into the sunset with Fergal, would you? - Thousands of miles from home? - Yes, I would.
And you know why? Because he asked me to.
He loves me and he wants me to go with him.
And pathetic as that sounds, that makes me feel good.
I'm not saying I've never had feelings for Archie.
I have.
But what am I supposed to do if he won't talk to me? Oh, god.
Lizzie, are you okay? I think the dress rehearsals are over.
Oh.
Go on, man, hit it.
Lex, I've got to go.
It's my dad's turn with the cab today.
- I can't do it, can I? - And why not? 'Cause shanty's a man's game.
I wish you'd blow the final whistle then.
( horn honking ) Oh, looks like we're into extra time! Golly! MacDonald! Kilwillie! So the two opposing camps faced each other across the barren moor.
The blood lust was stirring.
You always were a devious little toe rag, but I never thought you'd stoop to that! You're the scoundrel! En guarde! On guard yourself! A hit! A very palpable hit! Nonsense, a scratch, a mere scratch.
Come on, that is enough- ow! Stop it.
Oh, I say! You cheat! - Baldy! - Stick insect! That is it! Consider our friendship over! I'm sure my bank manager will be delighted to hear it! Come on, father.
Mccrory: The blood of the MacDonalds once more spilt on the heather of Glenbogle.
( sobbing ) We need the midwife, clean sheets, lots of hot water.
Can you make it up the stairs? - Absolutely not! - Right, come on.
I'm not going to give birth on a billiard table! Then it better be the library.
Come on.
Stay calm.
That's good, darling.
Come on, stay calm.
Lizzie: oww! The arrogance! The sheer vanity of the man! Yes, sir.
You realise I have more than 8,000 of these.
How big is mine again? 210' 8" from base to tip, sir.
Oh, well we're clear of the field so far.
'Cause there's no two ways about it, I simply must win! Bit below the belt there, I thought.
You were both behaving rather foolishly.
I suppose so.
I did my best with the estate, you know.
Not much talent for business, though.
Not much talent for anything, really.
Not much of a father either.
Come on, that's not true.
Cut me to the quick when young Lizzie said that.
I thought fatherhood was the one thing I haven't made a complete bish of.
You've turned out all right, though, haven't you? I don't have any complaints.
I barely knew my own father.
Nanny used to look after all the children.
We'd come downstairs from the nursery in our kilts, stand to attention, speak when spoken to.
I can't imagine your sister putting up with that, eh? No.
So you must've done something right.
Lizzie: Oh, do I have to have that old thing? Yes, darling, it's family tradition.
Oh, god, it's disgusting! The midwife won't be here for at least an hour, so we're just gonna have to make a start ourselves.
Lizzie: no - hot water? - Check.
- Towels? - Check.
- Rope? - Rope?! You have done this before, haven't you? I got three of my own - ten, eight and four.
Try and relax, breathe deeply.
Remember? ( all breathe deeply ) - Ooh - right? Whatever you say, doctor.
( Lizzie groans ) Look, she came home, didn't she? It can't have been easy for her.
It's not how I imagined things turning out for the girl.
I'm sure it's not how Lizzie would have wanted it either, but she's just got to put up with it.
The least you can do is give her a bit of moral support.
I don't think she wants my support.
You heard what she said.
She was angry and upset.
She didn't mean it.
Look, she didn't come home for the dodgy electricity and the leaky taps, did she? She came home to be with the people who love her and who'll look after her.
I'm sure she'd want you there.
What are you doing with that, man? I'm keeping it out of the clutches of that vandal.
It's all valuable evidence.
I'd have thought 50 years of friendship was all the evidence you'd need.
I admire your loyalty, but you're wasting your breath.
It's an open and shut case.
Hector and Archie were at the house all night.
I can vouch for that.
Duncan was where he shouldn't have been, home in bed.
I know I didn't do it.
So you tell me exactly how you work out Hector is responsible.
Oh, it's all mere details! No, no.
Plain facts.
If Hector isn't responsible, then who the bally hell is? How much do you trust your new man? Don't be ridiculous.
He comes to me highly recommended.
He's utterly trustworthy! Is he? What do you make of that? What do you make of these, then? I'd say you owe Hector an apology.
Wouldn't you? You're doing brilliantly.
He's certainly on the move, all right.
I know.
I can feel him.
That's right, darling, let it out.
I was just the same, a real screamer.
They used to say they could hear me on the far side of the loch.
Come on.
( Lizzie wailing ) ( Lizzie moaning ) Go on.
I think you should make up with her before she has the baby.
Quite right, my boy.
Carpe diem.
What should I say? Just tell her that you love her.
Lizzie: Will you get that thing out of here?! There you are.
You'll just have to wait.
Girls only at the moment.
( Lizzie wailing ) I thought you'd be at the station by now.
I've lost Katrina.
You haven't seen her, have you? Nor have heard her.
( Lizzie wails loudly ) Archie, I can't take this.
( baby crying ) It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Oh I say well done, old girl.
Say hello to your grandfather.
Isn't she beautiful? They both are.
And I will always love them.
Archie: Well done, sis.
Thanks, Arch.
She certainly looks like a MacDonald, doesn't she? ( baby crying ) Fergal: We've only got 15 minutes.
We really have to go.
I can't leave without saying goodbye to Lizzie.
Just give me two seconds, okay? I thought we'd lost you.
Not quite yet.
Then we'd better not stand on ceremony.
Say hello to your godmother, Katrina.
Hello, Miss MacDonald.
And to your godfather, Archie.
But I'm already an uncle.
I don't care.
I can't think of two better people for my firstborn.
She's so gorgeous.
I have to run.
I'm so proud of you.
Take care of yourself.
And the little one.
Bye.
Goodbye.
What? She won't be much use as a godmother if she's on the other side of the world.
No, she won't.
Well then? She's gone.
Go after her, my boy.
What? - Go on, Archie.
- What do I say? For goodness sake, both: Tell her you love her! ( panting ) They've gone.
( Lexie singing lullaby ) Oh, Archie, I'm so sorry.
At least you tried, my boy.
At least you tried.
Oh, goodbye, and thank you so much.
Do call again.
- See you.
- Bye.
What's this? £173.
50, wasn't it? No charge.
You really are a very nice man, aren't you? Thank you.
You looking for these? And you have no idea where she is? She was upset all the way down on the train.
Leaving so quickly your sister the baby I tried to be you know, sympathetic.
She just wouldn't speak to me.
We ended up having a row.
Our first row.
I went to the bar came back just as we pulled into Edinburgh.
- She'd gone.
- Gone? Thought she might've come back here.
I don't think she really wanted to leave in the first place.
You know? To be honest I don't know if what she feels for me or what she felt was enough.
So what are you gonna do? I've got a ticket to New Zealand job waiting for me another new life.
If she loves me she'll come after me.
Are you sure you didn't say anything to her? No.
But I wish I had.
Hector: Ahh, doesn't want to go beddy-bye - your grandpa will- - uncanny, isn't it? The way they all manage to look like Winston Churchill.
Hector, I've been a damn fool.
We both have.
I said a few things that I shouldn't have, old chap.
In the heat of the moment.
Quite.
That damn new ghillie of mine I swear to you, Hector, I didn't know anything about it.
I knew that even you wouldn't stoop that low.
He came highly recommended by Tubby Mclnver.
I can't understand it! The truth is I was jealous.
Jealous of who? - Of you.
- Of me? Why? You've got it all, old boy.
A beautiful, charming wife, young Archie turning the estate around- look at me.
I've got no son and heir ready to look after the place when I'm gone.
Kilwillie give me your hand.
Are we friends then? Absolutely.
What about the, uh it's only a tree.
As you say.
It's only a tree.
Oh.
Thanks, old man.
There we go.
- I've got it.
- Can you manage? - Yeah.
- Excellent.
Hot off the press.
The result of the competition organised by the Woodland Trust to find the tallest tree in Scotland is as follows: The Kilwillie tree, or what remains of it- 203' 6".
Hurrah! The MacDonald tree, 203 feet.
Inches, man, inches! 203 feet, precisely.
Ha ha! Oh, never mind, old man.
It's only a tree.
Isn't that Tubby Mclnver over there? Yes.
But he's the chap who recommended- - Billy the ghillie! - Mccrory: so, with all competitors duly taken into account, it's now my final duty to announce a winner.
A fine specimen of scottus pinas from the estate of Lord Mclnver of Kilkern.
Both: What? I could have told you that Mclnver was a complete and utter scoundrel! That's all very well, Hector.
What the bally Moses am I gonna do with these? How am I supposed to market the second tallest tree in Scotland? Ah.
Hector: Wherever you roam, whatever path you choose to take, this place will always be your home, and this family will always be your family.
And that goes for you too, young lady.
Thank you, daddy.
Don't suppose you can tear yourself away from the bright lights of London? You could always come and visit us, daddy.
I could use a cheap babysitter.
Present the quaiche.
The quaiche.
This silver quaiche, engraved with the family motto "takes one to know one.
" Has been handed down through generations of MacDonalds.
We use it again today to bless the arrival of- hang on we don't have a name for her yet, do we? Martha.
Martha, my mother's name! Thank you, Lizzie.
Don't drop her, will you? Would I drop my own granddaughter? Thank you, Golly.
Dearest Martha, we welcome you.
Take your place on god's good green earth.
Play your part in the circle of life? Very good, Lexie, yes! The circle of life.
Welcome to Glenbogle, Martha MacDonald.
All: Martha MacDonald.
Jolly good show, what.
( theme music playing )