Mr Pickles (2013) s02e07 Episode Script
My Dear Boy
1 [Romantic music plays.]
[Barking, whimpering.]
[Gunshot.]
Aha! A long-nippled fox! Look at the nipples on this rare beauty! You're gonna look great mounted on my wall.
[Laughs.]
Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! - Okay.
- [Sling!.]
"You sure did a good job killing me.
" Thank you.
" You're welcome.
Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles Mr.
Pickles! - Here he comes - There you are! Mr.
Pickles Good boy! S02E07 My Dear Boy Please No.
Please! - N-O.
- Please! Guess what I'm making for dinner tonight.
Meatloaf again! - Meatloaf? My favorite! - Please! Ohh, Steve was throwing rocks at my window all night.
Who? Oh, down boy.
- Mr.
Pickles' man-pet? - No, Mr.
Pickles.
Lives under the doghouse? You know, Steve Please?! No! [Chuckles.]
You can't have a BB gun.
It's too much responsibility.
Fine.
Come on, Mr.
Pickles.
[Weeps.]
[Sighing.]
Oh Aw, if I had a BB gun, I could shoot all kinds of things.
Ow! Huh? Hey, oh! Tommy and Mr.
Pickles! - [Barks.]
- Who are you? You don't remember me? Seriously? I used to be a Mafia hit man.
The witness protection turned me into a bigfoot.
- You caught me having sex with a deer.
- Oh, yeah! I stole your mother's cherry pie.
Oh, I remember now! Bye! - Tommy, hold on.
- Okay.
I'd like to introduce you to my deer-wife.
[Mwah!.]
And my deer-boy.
Deerboy! That's me! Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo So, Tommy, would you mind looking after him for a bit? The missus and I could use some alone time.
Maybe that could teach me about responsiblit Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks, Tommy.
So, what do you wanna do, Tommy? Hey, I know Can you tell me what my butthole looks like? I ain't never seen it.
Man: And there it was the most beautiful creature I ever seen.
Then I shot It in the face! [Laughs.]
Today I bagged a long-nippled fox, an albino "trhino," and I ran over that buck on my way in.
Let me know when you got something worth bragging about.
- [Laughs.]
- Good morning, fellas.
- [Groaning.]
- Huh.
Hello.
I'd like to purchase this BB gun.
It's a surprise Whoa.
First you gonna has to fill out - some paperworks.
- Paperworks? You could be buying it to shoot the president's eye out! What? So I'ms gonna need you to take a lie detector test.
Lie detector test?! That's right.
Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo Hey, yo, maybe we shouldn't walk too far.
- Your dad says you're my responsi - Hey, yo, look! - Huh? - Let's go inside.
- No, Deerboy! - La-la-la-la! - Oh, no! - [Laughs.]
Hey, yo, look at all this cool stuff in here! - No, Deerboy! - [Laughs.]
No, stop that right now! Hey, look at all these other animals! How you doing? - No! No! - Hey! Jacuzzi water! Num-num-num! Oh, this is good, Tommy! - No, Deerboy! - Oh, hey! What's this do? Wow! [Laughs.]
How do I get him to do what I say? [Distorted, demonic voice.]
The hell are you barking about, d - [Vehicle approaches.]
- Got to go.
See ya.
Hey, yo! - [Door closes.]
- Hey! Oh! Both: Trespassers! Hey! Oh [Humming.]
Aah! Steve! - [Growling.]
- Aah! [Barking, whimpering.]
[Laughs.]
Beverly, I-I trapped Steve! Oh, hey! Hello, Steve.
It's nice to meet you.
Stop that.
Get back here, Steve! [Groans.]
You're lucky you're the Goodman's kid, or we would've shot ya.
Now, what you doin' in here, boy? You drink any of the Jacuzzi water? - Shut up, stupid! - [Laughs.]
It all started when my dad said I couldn't have a BB gun, and - He's right! - He's right! You know what "BB" stands for, don't you? - "Big" - "Babies.
" - Here.
- Have a man's - gun.
- Cool! Now, let's shoot up some beer cans! Good idea! - [Gunshots.]
- [Laughs.]
I meant shoot some empties outside! - [Laughs.]
- How stupid are you? Now, keep her steady! And fire! Whoa! Whoo-hoo! Well, I got to go find this talking deer, Deerb Both: Talkin' deer?! - We got to kill it! - [Laughs.]
You can't kill Deerboy! Both: Why come? 'Cause a dead deer can't talk.
Both: He's right! Let's grab some traps, and we'll catch it alive! Wow.
We keep saying the sam Shut up, you ding-dong-diddiot! Come on, boy.
We got to find Deerboy before they do! [Whimpers.]
Ugh.
Is this really necessary? Is you or is you not, not, not a terrorists? - Not? - [Ding!.]
Is you an alien from the future sent to kill my unborn son's daughter? - What? No.
What do you want from me? - [Ding!.]
I just want to know the truth! The truth is I'm just a normal guy who lives a very happy life! [Buzzer.]
Unh-unh.
I-I I live a happy life.
[Buzzer.]
I live a sad life? [Buzzer.]
I live a very sad life.
[Ding!.]
- That'll be $7.
95.
- Ohh! - [Telephone rings.]
- Hello? A talking what? Deer! That's right, Joe Bob! In the woods by our cabin.
And once we gets it, we ain't never gonna let it talk to you.
- Tommy: Hey! - Huh? I just saw Deerboy! - Oh! Whoo-whee! - Come on! We gonna get ourselves a Deerboy! No, boy.
He went this way.
Come on! I know you're out here, Steve! [Yelling.]
[Both grunting.]
[Grunts.]
Now, who are you?! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
What are you looking at?! Huh? Wow, wow, wow! [Laughs.]
Wow, wow.
Hey, baby! You want to fool around? You sound attractive.
[Sniffs.]
Oh, yeah! Unh! I think I love y Aaah! [Bellowing.]
There you are! We got to get out of here! Not now, Tommy! - Aaah! - A talkin' deer?! - Get him! - Nooooo! [All yelling.]
Get that talking deer! [Yelling continues.]
- Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! - Huh?! So that's what my butthole looks like.
- Come on! - Aah! [Whooping.]
So that's what my butthole looks like.
Waaaah! Hey! Get back here, talking deer! [Yelling.]
Slow down! W-Wait for me, guys! Take my hand! [Yells.]
Oh, dang it! [Chuckles.]
Beer? Of course, stupid! Oh! That was close.
Boy: Please, señor.
Please no tell anybody about me talking donkey.
Bye, Donkeyboy! Adios, amigos! [Brays.]
[Laughing.]
You sure are hard to take care of.
Today was the greatest day of my li Aaaaaaaah! Wha? Oh, no! Mr.
Pickles, go find Deerboy's parents! [Barks.]
[Whines.]
[Urinating.]
Uh Steve? [Sighs.]
Hello? - [Water running.]
- Huh? Beverly, we need to talk.
I've been living a lie, and I owe you the truth.
Something's changed in our relationship.
And that something is me eatloaf.
I can't stand it anymore! I hate meatloaf! Please just make something else for dinner.
Don't say anything.
I Just think about it.
[Cries.]
Tommy, I'm bleeding to death! You got to shoot me, Tommy! - What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! You got to p-p-p-p-put me out of my m-misery! No! Look, I-I've led a wonderful life.
I got to see my butthole! [Sobs.]
But you still have your whole life ahead.
Ah, the good days are all behind me.
Few years from now, I'm working at the mall selling cellphone covers or meatballs or something.
I'm depressed.
Start drinking, smacking my wife around.
She don't respect me no more, Tommy! She takes the kids and moves in with the beaver.
The beaver's sucking her nipples all the time, Tommy.
One way or another, I end up with a gun in my mouth! You got to shoot me, Tommy! N-O! Do it! Blow my brains out, Tommy! No! You're my responsibility! So take care of me! Shoot me, Tommy! - No! - Please! - No - Please! - Uh - Pleeeeeeeease! [Crying.]
Okay.
I'll do it.
Bye, Tommy.
Bye, Deerboy.
[Sobbing.]
[Gunshot.]
Both: Huh? [Laughs.]
Oh! You shot it! Our talkin' deer! Oh, it talks, all right.
Hah! Eat me, ya dumb drunks.
[Laughs.]
It talks! We should ho [Belches.]
honor its wishes.
[Laughing.]
[Groans.]
In the old days, I would have sought revenge.
But now I got my Deerboy to look after.
- [Grunts.]
- Thanks, Papa! - [Laughs.]
- So long, Tommy.
- Stay out of trouble, kiddo.
- Bye! [Barks.]
Hey! Where's my ma deer? She don't feel good.
Ever again.
Good boy! Surprise! [Chuckles.]
- No thanks, Dad.
- Huh? You're right.
Guns are too much responsibility.
- Ohhh - Aha! Where's Steve? Dad, enough - about your imaginary friend Steve! - Ohh Beverly: Well, the deer hunters dropped off some deer meat, - so I made deer-loaf.
- All right! - I-I'm glad we had that talk, dear.
- Huh? I've had enough deer.
I'm gonna try and go look at my butthole.
- Huh? - Oh? Good night, Papa.
Good night, my Deerboy.
And goodbye, my deer wife.
- A talkin' deer and a bigfoot? - Huh? No, no, no, no! Don't shoot! Your heads are gonna look great mounted on my wall.
[Laughs evilly.]
Raaaa Oh! Thanks, dog.
Hey, you mind watching my Deerboy for a bit? [Whines.]
Me and my new broad could use some alone time.
- [Smooching.]
- [Whimpers.]
Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles
[Barking, whimpering.]
[Gunshot.]
Aha! A long-nippled fox! Look at the nipples on this rare beauty! You're gonna look great mounted on my wall.
[Laughs.]
Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! - Okay.
- [Sling!.]
"You sure did a good job killing me.
" Thank you.
" You're welcome.
Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles Mr.
Pickles! - Here he comes - There you are! Mr.
Pickles Good boy! S02E07 My Dear Boy Please No.
Please! - N-O.
- Please! Guess what I'm making for dinner tonight.
Meatloaf again! - Meatloaf? My favorite! - Please! Ohh, Steve was throwing rocks at my window all night.
Who? Oh, down boy.
- Mr.
Pickles' man-pet? - No, Mr.
Pickles.
Lives under the doghouse? You know, Steve Please?! No! [Chuckles.]
You can't have a BB gun.
It's too much responsibility.
Fine.
Come on, Mr.
Pickles.
[Weeps.]
[Sighing.]
Oh Aw, if I had a BB gun, I could shoot all kinds of things.
Ow! Huh? Hey, oh! Tommy and Mr.
Pickles! - [Barks.]
- Who are you? You don't remember me? Seriously? I used to be a Mafia hit man.
The witness protection turned me into a bigfoot.
- You caught me having sex with a deer.
- Oh, yeah! I stole your mother's cherry pie.
Oh, I remember now! Bye! - Tommy, hold on.
- Okay.
I'd like to introduce you to my deer-wife.
[Mwah!.]
And my deer-boy.
Deerboy! That's me! Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo So, Tommy, would you mind looking after him for a bit? The missus and I could use some alone time.
Maybe that could teach me about responsiblit Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks, Tommy.
So, what do you wanna do, Tommy? Hey, I know Can you tell me what my butthole looks like? I ain't never seen it.
Man: And there it was the most beautiful creature I ever seen.
Then I shot It in the face! [Laughs.]
Today I bagged a long-nippled fox, an albino "trhino," and I ran over that buck on my way in.
Let me know when you got something worth bragging about.
- [Laughs.]
- Good morning, fellas.
- [Groaning.]
- Huh.
Hello.
I'd like to purchase this BB gun.
It's a surprise Whoa.
First you gonna has to fill out - some paperworks.
- Paperworks? You could be buying it to shoot the president's eye out! What? So I'ms gonna need you to take a lie detector test.
Lie detector test?! That's right.
Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo Hey, yo, maybe we shouldn't walk too far.
- Your dad says you're my responsi - Hey, yo, look! - Huh? - Let's go inside.
- No, Deerboy! - La-la-la-la! - Oh, no! - [Laughs.]
Hey, yo, look at all this cool stuff in here! - No, Deerboy! - [Laughs.]
No, stop that right now! Hey, look at all these other animals! How you doing? - No! No! - Hey! Jacuzzi water! Num-num-num! Oh, this is good, Tommy! - No, Deerboy! - Oh, hey! What's this do? Wow! [Laughs.]
How do I get him to do what I say? [Distorted, demonic voice.]
The hell are you barking about, d - [Vehicle approaches.]
- Got to go.
See ya.
Hey, yo! - [Door closes.]
- Hey! Oh! Both: Trespassers! Hey! Oh [Humming.]
Aah! Steve! - [Growling.]
- Aah! [Barking, whimpering.]
[Laughs.]
Beverly, I-I trapped Steve! Oh, hey! Hello, Steve.
It's nice to meet you.
Stop that.
Get back here, Steve! [Groans.]
You're lucky you're the Goodman's kid, or we would've shot ya.
Now, what you doin' in here, boy? You drink any of the Jacuzzi water? - Shut up, stupid! - [Laughs.]
It all started when my dad said I couldn't have a BB gun, and - He's right! - He's right! You know what "BB" stands for, don't you? - "Big" - "Babies.
" - Here.
- Have a man's - gun.
- Cool! Now, let's shoot up some beer cans! Good idea! - [Gunshots.]
- [Laughs.]
I meant shoot some empties outside! - [Laughs.]
- How stupid are you? Now, keep her steady! And fire! Whoa! Whoo-hoo! Well, I got to go find this talking deer, Deerb Both: Talkin' deer?! - We got to kill it! - [Laughs.]
You can't kill Deerboy! Both: Why come? 'Cause a dead deer can't talk.
Both: He's right! Let's grab some traps, and we'll catch it alive! Wow.
We keep saying the sam Shut up, you ding-dong-diddiot! Come on, boy.
We got to find Deerboy before they do! [Whimpers.]
Ugh.
Is this really necessary? Is you or is you not, not, not a terrorists? - Not? - [Ding!.]
Is you an alien from the future sent to kill my unborn son's daughter? - What? No.
What do you want from me? - [Ding!.]
I just want to know the truth! The truth is I'm just a normal guy who lives a very happy life! [Buzzer.]
Unh-unh.
I-I I live a happy life.
[Buzzer.]
I live a sad life? [Buzzer.]
I live a very sad life.
[Ding!.]
- That'll be $7.
95.
- Ohh! - [Telephone rings.]
- Hello? A talking what? Deer! That's right, Joe Bob! In the woods by our cabin.
And once we gets it, we ain't never gonna let it talk to you.
- Tommy: Hey! - Huh? I just saw Deerboy! - Oh! Whoo-whee! - Come on! We gonna get ourselves a Deerboy! No, boy.
He went this way.
Come on! I know you're out here, Steve! [Yelling.]
[Both grunting.]
[Grunts.]
Now, who are you?! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
What are you looking at?! Huh? Wow, wow, wow! [Laughs.]
Wow, wow.
Hey, baby! You want to fool around? You sound attractive.
[Sniffs.]
Oh, yeah! Unh! I think I love y Aaah! [Bellowing.]
There you are! We got to get out of here! Not now, Tommy! - Aaah! - A talkin' deer?! - Get him! - Nooooo! [All yelling.]
Get that talking deer! [Yelling continues.]
- Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! - Huh?! So that's what my butthole looks like.
- Come on! - Aah! [Whooping.]
So that's what my butthole looks like.
Waaaah! Hey! Get back here, talking deer! [Yelling.]
Slow down! W-Wait for me, guys! Take my hand! [Yells.]
Oh, dang it! [Chuckles.]
Beer? Of course, stupid! Oh! That was close.
Boy: Please, señor.
Please no tell anybody about me talking donkey.
Bye, Donkeyboy! Adios, amigos! [Brays.]
[Laughing.]
You sure are hard to take care of.
Today was the greatest day of my li Aaaaaaaah! Wha? Oh, no! Mr.
Pickles, go find Deerboy's parents! [Barks.]
[Whines.]
[Urinating.]
Uh Steve? [Sighs.]
Hello? - [Water running.]
- Huh? Beverly, we need to talk.
I've been living a lie, and I owe you the truth.
Something's changed in our relationship.
And that something is me eatloaf.
I can't stand it anymore! I hate meatloaf! Please just make something else for dinner.
Don't say anything.
I Just think about it.
[Cries.]
Tommy, I'm bleeding to death! You got to shoot me, Tommy! - What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! You got to p-p-p-p-put me out of my m-misery! No! Look, I-I've led a wonderful life.
I got to see my butthole! [Sobs.]
But you still have your whole life ahead.
Ah, the good days are all behind me.
Few years from now, I'm working at the mall selling cellphone covers or meatballs or something.
I'm depressed.
Start drinking, smacking my wife around.
She don't respect me no more, Tommy! She takes the kids and moves in with the beaver.
The beaver's sucking her nipples all the time, Tommy.
One way or another, I end up with a gun in my mouth! You got to shoot me, Tommy! N-O! Do it! Blow my brains out, Tommy! No! You're my responsibility! So take care of me! Shoot me, Tommy! - No! - Please! - No - Please! - Uh - Pleeeeeeeease! [Crying.]
Okay.
I'll do it.
Bye, Tommy.
Bye, Deerboy.
[Sobbing.]
[Gunshot.]
Both: Huh? [Laughs.]
Oh! You shot it! Our talkin' deer! Oh, it talks, all right.
Hah! Eat me, ya dumb drunks.
[Laughs.]
It talks! We should ho [Belches.]
honor its wishes.
[Laughing.]
[Groans.]
In the old days, I would have sought revenge.
But now I got my Deerboy to look after.
- [Grunts.]
- Thanks, Papa! - [Laughs.]
- So long, Tommy.
- Stay out of trouble, kiddo.
- Bye! [Barks.]
Hey! Where's my ma deer? She don't feel good.
Ever again.
Good boy! Surprise! [Chuckles.]
- No thanks, Dad.
- Huh? You're right.
Guns are too much responsibility.
- Ohhh - Aha! Where's Steve? Dad, enough - about your imaginary friend Steve! - Ohh Beverly: Well, the deer hunters dropped off some deer meat, - so I made deer-loaf.
- All right! - I-I'm glad we had that talk, dear.
- Huh? I've had enough deer.
I'm gonna try and go look at my butthole.
- Huh? - Oh? Good night, Papa.
Good night, my Deerboy.
And goodbye, my deer wife.
- A talkin' deer and a bigfoot? - Huh? No, no, no, no! Don't shoot! Your heads are gonna look great mounted on my wall.
[Laughs evilly.]
Raaaa Oh! Thanks, dog.
Hey, you mind watching my Deerboy for a bit? [Whines.]
Me and my new broad could use some alone time.
- [Smooching.]
- [Whimpers.]
Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles