My Brilliant Friend (2018) s02e07 Episode Script
I Fantasmi (The Ghosts)
1 I asked you the exact date of the letter in which Verga asserts his adhesion to verist poetics, and to whom it was written.
I don't know.
We're talking about an obtuse conservative.
That's enough, Mari.
Studying seriously doesn't mean merely reading an author in an ideological key, but also contextualizing, memorizing critical dates.
Professor Things are happening out there that are too interesting to allow me to focus solely on your course.
Forgive me if I say so.
My dear Mari, your position does you credit.
What does you less credit, and I think you realize this on your own, is showing up here so ill-prepared, knowing what you risk.
You must learn to make better use of your time.
There's only one way to use time well.
Let's hear it.
To make revolution.
Fine Look, I want to help you.
Your exam doesn't deserve more than a D.
I'm sorry, you'll lose your place at the Normale University.
And you'll have plenty of time to make revolution.
Thank you, Professor.
I didn't deserve more.
Here he is.
- Well? - All good.
- Grade? - It doesn't matter, it went well.
- Let's go to the beach like we said.
- Yeah, come on.
Giulia said she'll come into my room - Are you staying with me tonight? - Yes.
I want to be alone with you, okay? No, you guys go without us.
We're off.
I'll have the caretaker let you in.
Are you ditching us? Elena, convince him! We're all wasting away, let's go eat macaroni - Apologize to her.
- Are you insane? Let go of him! He was kidding.
I was just kidding.
Fuck you! Franco, come back! Don't be stupid! Fuck you! Let's get them, come on! Careful.
Franco! Run, run! Where are we going? Away from everyone! Hammer and sickle, masters to slaughter AXED AFTER 22 YEARS IN FACTORY 4 KIDS TO FEED It's time, it's time, power to the workers WORK IS A RIGH It's time, it's time, power to the workers Hammer and sickle, masters to slaughter It's time, it's time, power to the workers There they are, they're catching up! Elena, they have to respect you more.
You stay silent, you smile Stand up for yourself.
Promise me you will? Yes.
Come with me.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
We'd like to try on the herringbone coat in the window.
- The one in pure virgin wool? - Pure virgin wool, yes.
Is the size the young lady's? My wife's size? Yes.
- I see, I'll go get it.
- Thank you.
Marta, can you give me a hand? - Franco, I don't need it.
- Yes, you do.
You've only got this old coat.
- This old coat will do just fine.
- But this one's warmer.
- It's not right.
- Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
You've already given me too many gifts.
Clothes, my glasses, trips enough.
But I'm rich, Elena.
Very rich.
And you have nothing.
Besides, you deserve them.
- Miss, may I? - Do you mind if I do it? Not at all.
Look.
You're beautiful.
It's people like you who are deprived of the most innocent rights.
Did you see how sad those workers were? The true injustice is because of people like me, they have to live like that.
- Franco - No.
Are you already awake? - Don't you want to sleep a bit longer? - I'm not sleepy.
You'd better go, Elena.
Go back to the college, if you're seen here, it'll be a mess.
I'll go in a minute.
What's wrong? I'm leaving.
Going where? To join the others? No, you don't get it.
I'm going away.
Enough, I'm done here.
Is this one of your jokes? Yesterday I got a D, I lost my place at the Normale.
What? Why didn't you tell me? Because I don't care, I don't want to stay here.
Elena? Don't be like that.
Look, I really don't care.
The world needs changing, I don't have time to study for exams.
Can't you see? These have been wonderful years for me, but enough now.
I'm not methodical like you, or constant, I don't have your drive to make it.
What should I do, Elena? Say things like: we'll stay in touch, I'll visit you? I don't want to set foot here in Pisa ever again.
For the rest of my life.
Franco Mari, in my first years at university, taught me how to live, to make love, to study, to have fun, to think.
I loved him, I loved his restless body even though I never considered it indispensable.
And then it happened as he had said.
We wrote for a while then that was it.
He didn't return to Pisa and for a long time I had no news of him.
That winter a long, lonely period began, I had nothing to do but study.
Since Franco had exited my life, that same fear that had gripped me when I first arrived in Pisa, reared up again.
Franco's presence had masked my real condition, but hadn't changed it and after three years I still hadn't truly integrated.
WOMEN'S COLLEGE HALLS OF RESIDENCE Lenù, where are you? Holy Mother, Lenù, where are you? Ma? Ma, I'm here.
Ma Help me.
I'm here.
Here you are, Lenù.
Holy Mother Took me long enough! There's no one here, it's deserted.
You're all alone, girl.
Let me see you.
You're so pale.
What have you done to your hair? You still got a temperature.
I'll take care of you.
What? What are you looking at? What are you doing here? You said you weren't coming, that you had a fever.
Was I s'posed to leave you all alone? How did you get here? Who came with you? Who was gonna come, your father? As if! I came by train.
By train? But had you ever taken a train? No, but there had to be a first time.
Stay still, you've got a temperature.
Now I'll fix it.
I made you some broth, I'll heat it up for you.
Is there a kitchen, a stove? Down the stairs and to the right.
Why isn't there anybody in the college? They've all gone home.
Where do I go? Down the stairs, then to the right.
Lenù? Mamma's girl, sit up.
Come on.
You have to drink it.
- I don't want to.
- You have to, it's good for you.
- I'll do it.
- Then what am I doing here? Your brothers and sister always ask about you.
- How are they? - They're growing up.
Which means that your father and I are getting old.
The neighborhood's the same, same families in the building, it's like nothing ever moves.
Then I look in the mirror and I realize time is moving.
Time's passing for you, too, it passes for everybody.
- Enough.
- A little more.
A little more! All right, then.
I'll heat it up for you later, rest now.
It seems Stefano Carracci is drowning in debt.
One year he buys a sports car and the next he ends up in Signora Solara's red book.
The Solaras grab everything, we all know that.
Lila thought she'd arrived who knows where, but look where she is today.
A wedding fit for a princess, nice clothes, the new house You're much better than her, and prettier.
Your father tells everyone: "My daughter's in Pisa!" As if he were talking about the King's palace.
And this is Pisa Take a picture.
Just me, not the baby.
Further back.
Take a picture of me.
Auntie Lenù Now undress her, wash her, change her diaper and her swaddling.
What's wrong, Lenù? What happened? Nothing, Mamma.
Just a bad dream.
Sleep.
I hadn't thought about Lila after what happened with Nino.
I'd had no idea what she was doing.
On one of my rare trips home she invited me to lunch and gave me some notebooks.
She made me swear I'd never read them.
They were words gathered over the years, dangerous words, that's what she said.
If Stefano found them, he might have killed her and the baby.
You're back.
Come in.
You had us worried.
- What happened? - I'm pregnant, Stefano.
- Lila - The baby's not yours.
That's enough now.
Come here.
I said it's not yours! Did you hear me? - It's not yours! - Lila, stop it! I'm so happy.
I know, I treated you badly, but now let's stop.
Don't say these bad things to me.
What am I to do with you? What do you want? I don't want to work anymore.
Neither at Piazza dei Martiri, nor in the grocery store.
I don't want to see anyone.
Friends, family, especially the Solaras.
I want to stay at home and be a wife.
And bring up my child.
And you mustn't ever touch me again.
All right.
All right, now come here.
We did it.
Lila knew people lie to themselves to defend themselves from the truth, but she was shocked by how convincingly her husband could lie to himself.
And she really did confine herself to the apartment, showing no curiosity about Stefano's business, her brother's or her father's.
Lila, open up.
I know you're in there.
You can't do this to me.
You can't do this to me! The Solaras are on my back, they're pissed you left! Your husband thinks about himself and doesn't pay, what can I do? I need you, Lila.
I'm all on my own, I need you to help me.
With the shoes, with the store, with money I feel totally lost.
You can't always do as you please! Bitch! She felt she'd become big and swollen, inside more than out.
She saw her belly as a meat balloon that expanded as the baby blew and she feared what she'd always feared most: that she'd break open, spill out.
Lila, open up! I know you're in there.
What are you hiding from? Who the fuck d'you think you are, bitch? You and I had a deal, you haven't kept up your end.
I needed new shoe styles, you were supposed to design them.
Slut! Slut, open up! I'll be back.
Push harder, you're nearly there! One more! Good! Here he is, he's coming out! Here he is! Look what a beautiful baby.
A beautiful boy.
Hi, Rino.
This baby's name is Achille.
You hear me? I'd rather kill myself.
His name's Rino.
Don't bother, I'll kill you with my bare hands! His name's Achille! Don't make me mad! Look at me and tell me his name's Achille! - What's all this commotion? - It's nothing! His name's Achille! Don't make me mad! Please, calm down.
- Lila, look me in the eye! - Cut the racket! - Get your hands off me! - Get out! Lila, you're getting me kicked out? Lila, his name's Achille! His name's Achille! I said his name has to be Achille! His name's gonna be Achille! You want to eat? She liked feeling him attached to her, she liked feeling the milk flowing from her to him, gradually emptying her breast.
It was the only bond that gave her well-being and she confessed in her notebooks that she dreaded the moment the baby would stop nursing.
Lila, I'm going out.
I'm going to the store.
Bye, little man.
You hear me? Take him out for some air.
Miss! See him? His name's Gennaro.
Rinuccio.
And what's that? It's entitled "Ulysses".
- Does it talk about the Odyssey? - No.
It talks about how prosaic life is today.
Do you like it? It's difficult, I don't understand it all.
So why are you reading it? Someone I knew was reading it.
But he didn't like it.
I did.
You shouldn't read books you can't understand.
They're bad for you.
So many things are bad for you.
You're not happy.
You were destined for big things.
I've done them.
I got married and I had a child.
- Everyone can do that.
- I'm like everyone.
You're wrong.
No, you're wrong.
You always were wrong.
You were a rude child and you're still rude.
Evidently you didn't teach me properly.
I'm sorry, I have to go, it's late.
"She's realizing that I'm stupid", she thought with a pounding heart.
"She's realizing that my whole family is stupid, that my ancestors are stupid, my descendants will be stupid, that Gennaro will be stupid".
She was obsessed with stimulating her son's and her nephew's intelligence.
The notebooks began to fill up with ideas from the books that she was always buying.
Good boy.
Put some here, too.
Don't worry, we'll do it again.
- What are you doing? - Helping them play.
My son already knows how to play.
This way he plays and he learns.
And why are you wasting all this time? I read that everything we are is decided now, in the first few years of life.
Do you want to play too? Yes? Do you think he's intelligent? All children are intelligent, you just have to train them.
Keep training him, don't give up like you always do.
He has to become very intelligent, don't you? Go if you have to, I'll look after Dino.
No, it's late.
I wanted to ask you How has Stefano been doing lately? Fine.
Always the same.
Why do you ask? Stefano What's this mess on the floor? I'll tidy up later.
I bet you haven't cooked anything.
Are you mad? Did you cook? I didn't have time, we'll figure something out.
I'm sure my wife's made something.
You can come to my place.
No, thanks.
I think it's time for you to go home now.
That's a bit rude.
You and your son come here every day.
You sit here doing nothing, while the shoe factory goes to hell.
How dare you? Take it easy, Rino.
And don't talk to my brother like that.
And don't raise your voice in front of the kids.
You know what? I didn't sell out to the Solaras like you.
The truth is you don't want to do a fucking thing.
You Cerullos are all the same.
You're unreliable.
Wash your mouth before you say "Cerullo".
Calm down, the kids are here.
Do as I say, go home right now or I'll kick your ass! Stefano, please.
Who the fuck do you think you are? You're nobody, you're a piece of shit.
Your father knew how to be a criminal, you don't even know how to do that.
Come with me! Asshole! What did you say? You piece of shit! Come on, you piece of shit! Get outta my house! Fucking parasite! You and your whole family! Get out! Where's the other one? Where is he? - What are you doing? - Come here! Leave the boy alone! He's a baby! Come here! Leave him alone! What's the matter with you? I want Mamma! I can't take it anymore.
I'm fucking sick of this, I can't take it anymore.
Nothing happened, sweetheart.
In those months, after a period of mutual tolerance, their relationship deteriorated again.
Hi.
Hi, Lila, wait for me, we'll eat together.
No, I just came to say hi.
I was in town looking for some books, I was just going.
The time she had spent in that place with Nino, in the shade of the shop's lowered shutter, seemed a time she'd imagined.
She discovered she felt no nostalgia for it and that what had been important no longer was.
Lila, what a lovely surprise.
- Hi, Michele.
- What are you doing here? - I had an errand nearby, I'm going.
- Where are you going? - I'm going home.
- On public transport? - How else? - I'll drive you.
You've just arrived.
No problem, Alfonsino's here, he's the best of the lot.
- Much better than your brother.
- Wouldn't take much.
Come on, I'll drive you home.
Let's go.
What did you have to say to Alfonso? Why? I can't act jealous about Alfonso.
And not only because he's Stefano's brother, but because he doesn't like women.
Why would you act jealous with me? Leave your husband now, today.
I'll take you and the baby.
I bought a house in Vomero with you in mind.
If you like I'll show it to you now.
You could do what you want there: read, write, be with Rinuccio.
I just want to look at you, listen to you.
Just say yes or no.
No, the answer is no.
I didn't want your brother and I don't want you either.
You think you can take everything and respect nothing.
Give him his pacifier, don't let him cry.
It's good for him to cry a little.
Think about it, maybe tomorrow you'll come begging.
I really don't think so.
You really don't think so? Are you sure? Even if I told you you're the only one who doesn't know? Everyone knows: your father, your mother, your scumbag brother.
They haven't told you to keep the peace.
What don't I know? Stefano's gotten together with your friend.
Who? Ada.
She's been his lover since you were on Ischia, they saw each other every night at your place.
They broke up, got back together Now your husband's rented her an apartment in town and they meet there.
Do you believe me? Yes.
And so? And so, you disgust me.
Stefano disgusts me, you all disgust me.
Lila wasn't troubled by the fact her husband had a lover, and that the lover was Ada, but rather by the absurdity of his words and actions when he came to pick her up from Ischia.
She realized she was afraid.
If her husband had taken another woman and wanted her every day, he could go mad, he could kick her out.
She thought she'd lose the house and the means that enabled her to raise the child in the best way.
How come you set the table here? No reason, just for a change.
Hi, little guy.
What are we doing this summer? Take the bus and go to the beach nearby.
Can't we rent a house? It's not good for the baby to go back and forth to the beach.
Those shitbags, the Solaras, won't share their earnings.
They act like the shoes are all theirs.
They take your designs, get them made by artisans on the outskirts and put the Solara brand on them.
Get it? I'm losing all the money I invested in your father's business.
The new grocery store isn't earning.
Do you get it now? Yes.
So try not to break my balls.
What did you say to that asshole Michele Solara? - Nothing.
- That's not possible.
In every discussion he brings you up and badgers me.
Talk to him and find out what he wants, or I'll smash both your faces in.
If he wants to screw me, what do I do? Let him screw me? No two ways about it, Lila.
You read, you study, but you're vulgar.
I can't stand women like you.
You disgust me.
Where are you going? From that moment on he came home later and later and on Sundays, instead of sleeping until noon as usual, he went out early and disappeared for the whole day.
Then one evening, Lila decided to confront him, she put Gennaro to bed and waited for Stefano to come home.
- What are you doing? - Sit down for a minute.
What is it? I know all about Ada.
I even know how long you've been together and I don't care.
What you did to me, I did to you.
What do you mean? Gennarino isn't your son.
Not that again You talk a lot of bullshit.
Ada's only a shop girl in the grocery store.
People in the neighborhood talk a lotta crap, don't believe it.
But you mustn't ever say that about my son again.
Or I'll kill you with my bare hands and I'll do it for real.
Gennarino's identical to me, all the neighborhood says so.
And you know why he's my son? You know why he came along although you didn't want him? Because he's the fruit of my love.
Because I love you.
I'll always love you, I promised at the altar.
And nothing can separate us.
Even if you act like a bitch.
Lila, I love you - Come here.
- Don't you dare! But why? Why? Are you thinking of someone else? I love you, Lila.
Let go of me.
Lila, I need you.
Let go of me, Stefano.
Come here, I love you.
- Please! - What are you doing? No! - Let's go in there.
- Let go of me.
- Gennaro's sleeping - It doesn't matter.
Please, I need you.
Come.
I need you.
I love you.
I love you.
At this point the notebooks broke off.
She'd given them to me when I had lunch with her in the neighborhood.
I feared she'd instantly find a way to reinstate the old hierarchy, make me lose confidence in my choices, but above all I feared she'd point out Nino's features in little Gennaro, to remind me that the toy that should have been mine was hers.
You don't want anymore? You want to go and draw? How are things with Stefano? Good.
Sorry.
Lila He ruined my books.
He's gotten in the habit of going through my things.
He doesn't want me to have even a thought of my own.
If he discovers I've hidden even something insignificant, he beats me.
Here's everything that happened to me, all the thoughts that have gone through my head for years.
Things about you and me, too.
Take them away, I'm afraid that Stefano will find them and read them.
They're not things for him, nor for you either.
Swear you'll never read them.
I swear.
Lenù I don't remember anything about Nino, about Ischia, about the store in Piazza dei Martiri, I'm not interested in what happened to him, where he went.
And yet it seemed to me that I loved him more than myself.
There's one good thing about infatuations: after a while they pass.
You have to do me another favor.
What? Gennarino and I have to leave, before Stefano kills us without realizing it.
You're frightening me.
Go to Enzo, tell him I tried but I couldn't make it.
- I don't understand.
- Never mind.
You're in Pisa, you have a lot of things to think about.
Tell him that.
- All right.
- Mom! - Go and play with him.
- Me? Yes.
Rino, play with Auntie Lenù.
It's gone down, thank goodness.
I can leave with an easy mind.
- Let me come with you.
- No, you better stay here.
- How will you get to the train station? - The same way I came.
I want to go with you.
I know the way, you mustn't overexert yourself, or you'll have a relapse.
The things I brought you are in the cupboard, so you can eat healthier.
How can you cook with the few pots there are? Give me a hug.
Take care of yourself now.
- I want to come.
- Don't come out, you'll catch a chill.
Bye, Lenù.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye, girl.
- Thank you.
- Go to bed, it's still early.
Lila's notebooks unsettled me.
Every word diminished me, every sentence, even those written when she was still a child, seemed to empty out mine, not from back then, but from now.
I suddenly realized my whole life was an "almost".
I'd made it almost.
I'd torn myself away from Naples, from the neighborhood almost.
I had new friends who came from cultured backgrounds almost.
From exam to exam, I had become well received by the pensive professors who questioned me almost.
Behind all these "almosts" I seemed to see how things stood.
I was still scared and I felt that somewhere Lila, as always, was without "almosts".
I don't know.
We're talking about an obtuse conservative.
That's enough, Mari.
Studying seriously doesn't mean merely reading an author in an ideological key, but also contextualizing, memorizing critical dates.
Professor Things are happening out there that are too interesting to allow me to focus solely on your course.
Forgive me if I say so.
My dear Mari, your position does you credit.
What does you less credit, and I think you realize this on your own, is showing up here so ill-prepared, knowing what you risk.
You must learn to make better use of your time.
There's only one way to use time well.
Let's hear it.
To make revolution.
Fine Look, I want to help you.
Your exam doesn't deserve more than a D.
I'm sorry, you'll lose your place at the Normale University.
And you'll have plenty of time to make revolution.
Thank you, Professor.
I didn't deserve more.
Here he is.
- Well? - All good.
- Grade? - It doesn't matter, it went well.
- Let's go to the beach like we said.
- Yeah, come on.
Giulia said she'll come into my room - Are you staying with me tonight? - Yes.
I want to be alone with you, okay? No, you guys go without us.
We're off.
I'll have the caretaker let you in.
Are you ditching us? Elena, convince him! We're all wasting away, let's go eat macaroni - Apologize to her.
- Are you insane? Let go of him! He was kidding.
I was just kidding.
Fuck you! Franco, come back! Don't be stupid! Fuck you! Let's get them, come on! Careful.
Franco! Run, run! Where are we going? Away from everyone! Hammer and sickle, masters to slaughter AXED AFTER 22 YEARS IN FACTORY 4 KIDS TO FEED It's time, it's time, power to the workers WORK IS A RIGH It's time, it's time, power to the workers Hammer and sickle, masters to slaughter It's time, it's time, power to the workers There they are, they're catching up! Elena, they have to respect you more.
You stay silent, you smile Stand up for yourself.
Promise me you will? Yes.
Come with me.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
We'd like to try on the herringbone coat in the window.
- The one in pure virgin wool? - Pure virgin wool, yes.
Is the size the young lady's? My wife's size? Yes.
- I see, I'll go get it.
- Thank you.
Marta, can you give me a hand? - Franco, I don't need it.
- Yes, you do.
You've only got this old coat.
- This old coat will do just fine.
- But this one's warmer.
- It's not right.
- Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
You've already given me too many gifts.
Clothes, my glasses, trips enough.
But I'm rich, Elena.
Very rich.
And you have nothing.
Besides, you deserve them.
- Miss, may I? - Do you mind if I do it? Not at all.
Look.
You're beautiful.
It's people like you who are deprived of the most innocent rights.
Did you see how sad those workers were? The true injustice is because of people like me, they have to live like that.
- Franco - No.
Are you already awake? - Don't you want to sleep a bit longer? - I'm not sleepy.
You'd better go, Elena.
Go back to the college, if you're seen here, it'll be a mess.
I'll go in a minute.
What's wrong? I'm leaving.
Going where? To join the others? No, you don't get it.
I'm going away.
Enough, I'm done here.
Is this one of your jokes? Yesterday I got a D, I lost my place at the Normale.
What? Why didn't you tell me? Because I don't care, I don't want to stay here.
Elena? Don't be like that.
Look, I really don't care.
The world needs changing, I don't have time to study for exams.
Can't you see? These have been wonderful years for me, but enough now.
I'm not methodical like you, or constant, I don't have your drive to make it.
What should I do, Elena? Say things like: we'll stay in touch, I'll visit you? I don't want to set foot here in Pisa ever again.
For the rest of my life.
Franco Mari, in my first years at university, taught me how to live, to make love, to study, to have fun, to think.
I loved him, I loved his restless body even though I never considered it indispensable.
And then it happened as he had said.
We wrote for a while then that was it.
He didn't return to Pisa and for a long time I had no news of him.
That winter a long, lonely period began, I had nothing to do but study.
Since Franco had exited my life, that same fear that had gripped me when I first arrived in Pisa, reared up again.
Franco's presence had masked my real condition, but hadn't changed it and after three years I still hadn't truly integrated.
WOMEN'S COLLEGE HALLS OF RESIDENCE Lenù, where are you? Holy Mother, Lenù, where are you? Ma? Ma, I'm here.
Ma Help me.
I'm here.
Here you are, Lenù.
Holy Mother Took me long enough! There's no one here, it's deserted.
You're all alone, girl.
Let me see you.
You're so pale.
What have you done to your hair? You still got a temperature.
I'll take care of you.
What? What are you looking at? What are you doing here? You said you weren't coming, that you had a fever.
Was I s'posed to leave you all alone? How did you get here? Who came with you? Who was gonna come, your father? As if! I came by train.
By train? But had you ever taken a train? No, but there had to be a first time.
Stay still, you've got a temperature.
Now I'll fix it.
I made you some broth, I'll heat it up for you.
Is there a kitchen, a stove? Down the stairs and to the right.
Why isn't there anybody in the college? They've all gone home.
Where do I go? Down the stairs, then to the right.
Lenù? Mamma's girl, sit up.
Come on.
You have to drink it.
- I don't want to.
- You have to, it's good for you.
- I'll do it.
- Then what am I doing here? Your brothers and sister always ask about you.
- How are they? - They're growing up.
Which means that your father and I are getting old.
The neighborhood's the same, same families in the building, it's like nothing ever moves.
Then I look in the mirror and I realize time is moving.
Time's passing for you, too, it passes for everybody.
- Enough.
- A little more.
A little more! All right, then.
I'll heat it up for you later, rest now.
It seems Stefano Carracci is drowning in debt.
One year he buys a sports car and the next he ends up in Signora Solara's red book.
The Solaras grab everything, we all know that.
Lila thought she'd arrived who knows where, but look where she is today.
A wedding fit for a princess, nice clothes, the new house You're much better than her, and prettier.
Your father tells everyone: "My daughter's in Pisa!" As if he were talking about the King's palace.
And this is Pisa Take a picture.
Just me, not the baby.
Further back.
Take a picture of me.
Auntie Lenù Now undress her, wash her, change her diaper and her swaddling.
What's wrong, Lenù? What happened? Nothing, Mamma.
Just a bad dream.
Sleep.
I hadn't thought about Lila after what happened with Nino.
I'd had no idea what she was doing.
On one of my rare trips home she invited me to lunch and gave me some notebooks.
She made me swear I'd never read them.
They were words gathered over the years, dangerous words, that's what she said.
If Stefano found them, he might have killed her and the baby.
You're back.
Come in.
You had us worried.
- What happened? - I'm pregnant, Stefano.
- Lila - The baby's not yours.
That's enough now.
Come here.
I said it's not yours! Did you hear me? - It's not yours! - Lila, stop it! I'm so happy.
I know, I treated you badly, but now let's stop.
Don't say these bad things to me.
What am I to do with you? What do you want? I don't want to work anymore.
Neither at Piazza dei Martiri, nor in the grocery store.
I don't want to see anyone.
Friends, family, especially the Solaras.
I want to stay at home and be a wife.
And bring up my child.
And you mustn't ever touch me again.
All right.
All right, now come here.
We did it.
Lila knew people lie to themselves to defend themselves from the truth, but she was shocked by how convincingly her husband could lie to himself.
And she really did confine herself to the apartment, showing no curiosity about Stefano's business, her brother's or her father's.
Lila, open up.
I know you're in there.
You can't do this to me.
You can't do this to me! The Solaras are on my back, they're pissed you left! Your husband thinks about himself and doesn't pay, what can I do? I need you, Lila.
I'm all on my own, I need you to help me.
With the shoes, with the store, with money I feel totally lost.
You can't always do as you please! Bitch! She felt she'd become big and swollen, inside more than out.
She saw her belly as a meat balloon that expanded as the baby blew and she feared what she'd always feared most: that she'd break open, spill out.
Lila, open up! I know you're in there.
What are you hiding from? Who the fuck d'you think you are, bitch? You and I had a deal, you haven't kept up your end.
I needed new shoe styles, you were supposed to design them.
Slut! Slut, open up! I'll be back.
Push harder, you're nearly there! One more! Good! Here he is, he's coming out! Here he is! Look what a beautiful baby.
A beautiful boy.
Hi, Rino.
This baby's name is Achille.
You hear me? I'd rather kill myself.
His name's Rino.
Don't bother, I'll kill you with my bare hands! His name's Achille! Don't make me mad! Look at me and tell me his name's Achille! - What's all this commotion? - It's nothing! His name's Achille! Don't make me mad! Please, calm down.
- Lila, look me in the eye! - Cut the racket! - Get your hands off me! - Get out! Lila, you're getting me kicked out? Lila, his name's Achille! His name's Achille! I said his name has to be Achille! His name's gonna be Achille! You want to eat? She liked feeling him attached to her, she liked feeling the milk flowing from her to him, gradually emptying her breast.
It was the only bond that gave her well-being and she confessed in her notebooks that she dreaded the moment the baby would stop nursing.
Lila, I'm going out.
I'm going to the store.
Bye, little man.
You hear me? Take him out for some air.
Miss! See him? His name's Gennaro.
Rinuccio.
And what's that? It's entitled "Ulysses".
- Does it talk about the Odyssey? - No.
It talks about how prosaic life is today.
Do you like it? It's difficult, I don't understand it all.
So why are you reading it? Someone I knew was reading it.
But he didn't like it.
I did.
You shouldn't read books you can't understand.
They're bad for you.
So many things are bad for you.
You're not happy.
You were destined for big things.
I've done them.
I got married and I had a child.
- Everyone can do that.
- I'm like everyone.
You're wrong.
No, you're wrong.
You always were wrong.
You were a rude child and you're still rude.
Evidently you didn't teach me properly.
I'm sorry, I have to go, it's late.
"She's realizing that I'm stupid", she thought with a pounding heart.
"She's realizing that my whole family is stupid, that my ancestors are stupid, my descendants will be stupid, that Gennaro will be stupid".
She was obsessed with stimulating her son's and her nephew's intelligence.
The notebooks began to fill up with ideas from the books that she was always buying.
Good boy.
Put some here, too.
Don't worry, we'll do it again.
- What are you doing? - Helping them play.
My son already knows how to play.
This way he plays and he learns.
And why are you wasting all this time? I read that everything we are is decided now, in the first few years of life.
Do you want to play too? Yes? Do you think he's intelligent? All children are intelligent, you just have to train them.
Keep training him, don't give up like you always do.
He has to become very intelligent, don't you? Go if you have to, I'll look after Dino.
No, it's late.
I wanted to ask you How has Stefano been doing lately? Fine.
Always the same.
Why do you ask? Stefano What's this mess on the floor? I'll tidy up later.
I bet you haven't cooked anything.
Are you mad? Did you cook? I didn't have time, we'll figure something out.
I'm sure my wife's made something.
You can come to my place.
No, thanks.
I think it's time for you to go home now.
That's a bit rude.
You and your son come here every day.
You sit here doing nothing, while the shoe factory goes to hell.
How dare you? Take it easy, Rino.
And don't talk to my brother like that.
And don't raise your voice in front of the kids.
You know what? I didn't sell out to the Solaras like you.
The truth is you don't want to do a fucking thing.
You Cerullos are all the same.
You're unreliable.
Wash your mouth before you say "Cerullo".
Calm down, the kids are here.
Do as I say, go home right now or I'll kick your ass! Stefano, please.
Who the fuck do you think you are? You're nobody, you're a piece of shit.
Your father knew how to be a criminal, you don't even know how to do that.
Come with me! Asshole! What did you say? You piece of shit! Come on, you piece of shit! Get outta my house! Fucking parasite! You and your whole family! Get out! Where's the other one? Where is he? - What are you doing? - Come here! Leave the boy alone! He's a baby! Come here! Leave him alone! What's the matter with you? I want Mamma! I can't take it anymore.
I'm fucking sick of this, I can't take it anymore.
Nothing happened, sweetheart.
In those months, after a period of mutual tolerance, their relationship deteriorated again.
Hi.
Hi, Lila, wait for me, we'll eat together.
No, I just came to say hi.
I was in town looking for some books, I was just going.
The time she had spent in that place with Nino, in the shade of the shop's lowered shutter, seemed a time she'd imagined.
She discovered she felt no nostalgia for it and that what had been important no longer was.
Lila, what a lovely surprise.
- Hi, Michele.
- What are you doing here? - I had an errand nearby, I'm going.
- Where are you going? - I'm going home.
- On public transport? - How else? - I'll drive you.
You've just arrived.
No problem, Alfonsino's here, he's the best of the lot.
- Much better than your brother.
- Wouldn't take much.
Come on, I'll drive you home.
Let's go.
What did you have to say to Alfonso? Why? I can't act jealous about Alfonso.
And not only because he's Stefano's brother, but because he doesn't like women.
Why would you act jealous with me? Leave your husband now, today.
I'll take you and the baby.
I bought a house in Vomero with you in mind.
If you like I'll show it to you now.
You could do what you want there: read, write, be with Rinuccio.
I just want to look at you, listen to you.
Just say yes or no.
No, the answer is no.
I didn't want your brother and I don't want you either.
You think you can take everything and respect nothing.
Give him his pacifier, don't let him cry.
It's good for him to cry a little.
Think about it, maybe tomorrow you'll come begging.
I really don't think so.
You really don't think so? Are you sure? Even if I told you you're the only one who doesn't know? Everyone knows: your father, your mother, your scumbag brother.
They haven't told you to keep the peace.
What don't I know? Stefano's gotten together with your friend.
Who? Ada.
She's been his lover since you were on Ischia, they saw each other every night at your place.
They broke up, got back together Now your husband's rented her an apartment in town and they meet there.
Do you believe me? Yes.
And so? And so, you disgust me.
Stefano disgusts me, you all disgust me.
Lila wasn't troubled by the fact her husband had a lover, and that the lover was Ada, but rather by the absurdity of his words and actions when he came to pick her up from Ischia.
She realized she was afraid.
If her husband had taken another woman and wanted her every day, he could go mad, he could kick her out.
She thought she'd lose the house and the means that enabled her to raise the child in the best way.
How come you set the table here? No reason, just for a change.
Hi, little guy.
What are we doing this summer? Take the bus and go to the beach nearby.
Can't we rent a house? It's not good for the baby to go back and forth to the beach.
Those shitbags, the Solaras, won't share their earnings.
They act like the shoes are all theirs.
They take your designs, get them made by artisans on the outskirts and put the Solara brand on them.
Get it? I'm losing all the money I invested in your father's business.
The new grocery store isn't earning.
Do you get it now? Yes.
So try not to break my balls.
What did you say to that asshole Michele Solara? - Nothing.
- That's not possible.
In every discussion he brings you up and badgers me.
Talk to him and find out what he wants, or I'll smash both your faces in.
If he wants to screw me, what do I do? Let him screw me? No two ways about it, Lila.
You read, you study, but you're vulgar.
I can't stand women like you.
You disgust me.
Where are you going? From that moment on he came home later and later and on Sundays, instead of sleeping until noon as usual, he went out early and disappeared for the whole day.
Then one evening, Lila decided to confront him, she put Gennaro to bed and waited for Stefano to come home.
- What are you doing? - Sit down for a minute.
What is it? I know all about Ada.
I even know how long you've been together and I don't care.
What you did to me, I did to you.
What do you mean? Gennarino isn't your son.
Not that again You talk a lot of bullshit.
Ada's only a shop girl in the grocery store.
People in the neighborhood talk a lotta crap, don't believe it.
But you mustn't ever say that about my son again.
Or I'll kill you with my bare hands and I'll do it for real.
Gennarino's identical to me, all the neighborhood says so.
And you know why he's my son? You know why he came along although you didn't want him? Because he's the fruit of my love.
Because I love you.
I'll always love you, I promised at the altar.
And nothing can separate us.
Even if you act like a bitch.
Lila, I love you - Come here.
- Don't you dare! But why? Why? Are you thinking of someone else? I love you, Lila.
Let go of me.
Lila, I need you.
Let go of me, Stefano.
Come here, I love you.
- Please! - What are you doing? No! - Let's go in there.
- Let go of me.
- Gennaro's sleeping - It doesn't matter.
Please, I need you.
Come.
I need you.
I love you.
I love you.
At this point the notebooks broke off.
She'd given them to me when I had lunch with her in the neighborhood.
I feared she'd instantly find a way to reinstate the old hierarchy, make me lose confidence in my choices, but above all I feared she'd point out Nino's features in little Gennaro, to remind me that the toy that should have been mine was hers.
You don't want anymore? You want to go and draw? How are things with Stefano? Good.
Sorry.
Lila He ruined my books.
He's gotten in the habit of going through my things.
He doesn't want me to have even a thought of my own.
If he discovers I've hidden even something insignificant, he beats me.
Here's everything that happened to me, all the thoughts that have gone through my head for years.
Things about you and me, too.
Take them away, I'm afraid that Stefano will find them and read them.
They're not things for him, nor for you either.
Swear you'll never read them.
I swear.
Lenù I don't remember anything about Nino, about Ischia, about the store in Piazza dei Martiri, I'm not interested in what happened to him, where he went.
And yet it seemed to me that I loved him more than myself.
There's one good thing about infatuations: after a while they pass.
You have to do me another favor.
What? Gennarino and I have to leave, before Stefano kills us without realizing it.
You're frightening me.
Go to Enzo, tell him I tried but I couldn't make it.
- I don't understand.
- Never mind.
You're in Pisa, you have a lot of things to think about.
Tell him that.
- All right.
- Mom! - Go and play with him.
- Me? Yes.
Rino, play with Auntie Lenù.
It's gone down, thank goodness.
I can leave with an easy mind.
- Let me come with you.
- No, you better stay here.
- How will you get to the train station? - The same way I came.
I want to go with you.
I know the way, you mustn't overexert yourself, or you'll have a relapse.
The things I brought you are in the cupboard, so you can eat healthier.
How can you cook with the few pots there are? Give me a hug.
Take care of yourself now.
- I want to come.
- Don't come out, you'll catch a chill.
Bye, Lenù.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye, girl.
- Thank you.
- Go to bed, it's still early.
Lila's notebooks unsettled me.
Every word diminished me, every sentence, even those written when she was still a child, seemed to empty out mine, not from back then, but from now.
I suddenly realized my whole life was an "almost".
I'd made it almost.
I'd torn myself away from Naples, from the neighborhood almost.
I had new friends who came from cultured backgrounds almost.
From exam to exam, I had become well received by the pensive professors who questioned me almost.
Behind all these "almosts" I seemed to see how things stood.
I was still scared and I felt that somewhere Lila, as always, was without "almosts".