Our Flag Means Death (2022) s02e07 Episode Script

1
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(ITEMS THUDDING)
(SIGHS)
♪
(WIND WHISTLING)
♪
(EXHALES)
(SIGHS)
(LOUD SPLASH)
Bye-bye.
♪
(INHALES, SIGHS)
(HUMMING)
STEDE BONNET: Can't believe
you made me breakfast in bed.
BLACKBEARD: Yeah, me neither.
I don't think I've ever even
made regular breakfast.
What have we got?
Toast with a bite already taken.
- BLACKBEARD: That was me.
- Marmalade, of course.
And strangely, some twine.
What's that about?
Yeah, it's a piece of twine. I panicked.
Uh, didn't know what
else to put on there,
so I thought that I
should add a flourish,
so I put the twine on.
It worked. It does. It actually made it.
Just my way of sayin' thank you.
- For what?
- (DEEP BREATH)
Okay, you know that night that I died?
- Mm, yeah.
- You appeared to me.
- Appeared?
- Yeah.
- Like a ghost?
- No, like a mermaid.
Or a mer-man. You were a mer-person.
Wow. How'd I look?
Fantastic.
Ya know, orange and sparkly,
and you sort of just
appeared out of the
darkness under the water.
You saved my life.
Well, I'm glad I could help.
I'm sure you'll return
the favor next time
we're in a near-death situation.
How 'bout we just avoid
all near-death situations?
(LAUGHS) Yeah. Nice idea.
Not bloody likely with our line of work.
- IZZY HANDS: Hiya, boys.
- Jesus!
Fuck off.
It is my duty to inform
the Captain that the ship
has docked on the Republic of Pirates.
Thank you. You could inform me on deck.
Aye, aye. Also, it's good to see
that it's not just the ship
that has been well and truly docked.
- Congratulations.
- (STEDE SIGHS)
(WHISPERS) He's jealous.
(PIPE ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)
(BIRDS CAWING)
(CLOCK TICKING)
What is this doing in my office?
Well, that's from the Prince.
He delivered one to
every ship in the fleet.
Something about
celebrating a time of peace
between pirate and civilized society.
- Oh, because, "time" and "time."
- Ah, mm.
- Nice.
- (SPUTTERS)
Man, it's really ugly, isn't it? Ay.
(KICKS CLOCK)
(CLOCK CHIMES LOUDLY)
At least it's loud!
- (LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (STREET CHATTER)
(GOAT BLEATS)
Hey, you seein' all these knobs
with the red, knotty
doodads on their shoulders?
Pretty stylish, aye?
Zheng's recruitin'. (CHUCKLES)
She must have some big plans.
Alright, we get it.
Your queen's a genius.
I'm just sayin' she's
ambitious, that's all.
- Alright.
- Borderline brilliant, actually.
Wait, hey, isn't that her over there?
Zheng! Hey, girl! What up?
JIM: Ah, looks like she remembers you.
- And it's not looking good.
- OLUWANDE: Nope.
(AUNTIE GRUNTS)
STEDE: We've been living
around here for weeks.
Can't believe I didn't
know about this place.
BLACKBEARD: Oh, no. This place is great.
I know everyone. Hey, Maxie!
(STEDE CHUCKLES)
Yeah. My favorite
thing about this place,
I've never been stabbed.
- Wow, that's a first.
- Yeah.
Well, um, I spent a lot
of time at the beach
writing you letters.
What kind of letters?
Just letters. Putting them in bottles.
Throwing 'em in the sea.
Letters in bottles.
It's not the most reliable
postal service, but I love that.
I love that ya did that.
Hey. Don't mean to interrupt, but
You want an autograph. Here we go.
Having a lovely little
meal here with my friend.
Um, but I tell you
what, I'm feeling in a,
in a nice and generous mood.
Once we finish our meal,
I will sign whatever you want.
Are you Stede Bonnet?
You wasted Ned Low?
Wh Uh, yes and yes, I suppose.
Do we have a problem here?
- We're just huge fans.
- (ROUGHNECKS LAUGHING)
Um, we're gonna be at Jackie's
later, we'll buy ya a round.
- STEDE: Wow.
- Oh, bring your friend, too.
- STEDE: Spanish Jackie's.
- (BLACKBEARD CHUCKLES)
ROUGHNECK: So awesome
we got a chance to meet him.
What?
Congrats, mate. You're infamous.
Come on. I mean, a few roughnecks
outside a fish shack
does not infamy make.
Tell ya what. Why don't
we go and get that drink, ay?
You can try out your new fame.
- Maybe just one.
- Mm-hmm.
Should we get the bill?
Pirates don't pay,
especially famous ones.
- (STEDE SQUEALS)
- Run for it.
- Go, go, go, go.
- STEDE: We didn't pay.
- (STEDE/BLACKBEARD LAUGHING)
- We didn't pay!
- (CHATTER, LAUGHTER)
- And so I said to the poor bastard,
"Not with those shoes on,
you won't." (LAUGHS)
Hey! Thanks, mate. (LAUGHS)
God, this is going great for you.
- I'm enjoying it.
- You are getting famous.
Here's a couple of things about that.
Accept drinks, but,
uh, never finish them.
- Oh.
- Um, never insult someone's tattoo,
especially if it's of you.
What? People have your
face tattooed on their body?
Not just my face.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah, um, what else?
Number one thing, for me, is I'd say,
watch out for the papes'.
- What are they?
- The paper-razzi.
Those assholes that f-float around,
they're hiding in the
corners doing drawings
of you without your permission.
- There's one over there.
- STEDE: What?!
- BLACKBEARD: Yeah. Fuck you!
- STEDE: Oh, wow!
Hey, someone's definitely,
probably gonna try and kill you.
- Oh, really?!
- Yeah. Enjoy the night!
What? What? Kill me?
LUCIUS: Maybe there isn't any bad blood.
Jackie might not even be here today.
- Dude!
- LUCIUS: What?
(WHISPERS) We set one foot in here,
Spanish Jackie will have our heads.
SPANISH JACKIE: More like your balls.
- FRENCHIE: Oh, Christ.
- (CREW MUTTERING)
- Oh, shit.
- SPANISH JACKIE: "The Revenge" boys.
I never thought I'd
see you in here again.
- (PANICKED CROSSTALK)
- Sorry!
SPANISH JACKIE: Everyone, listen up!
Here's the crew that 86ed Ned Low!
- (BAR PATRONS CHEERING)
- Hey!
- Come on in!
- Hey.
Don't be scared. Come on!
The Swede will be happy to see ya.
This is my signature cocktail.
I call it the Sot och Saftig,
or the Sweet and Spicy,
just like my wife.
- Okay. Thank you.
- THE SWEDE: Cheers.
Is it just me or did The
Swede get, like, so hot?
It's an adjustment for me as well.
Another round for the
legendary crew of "The Revenge"!
- (CHEERING)
- (BELL RINGING)
BLACK PETE: Thank you!
Hey, this free drink shit is for
the birds. You know what I mean?
Birds love drinking for free?
No, that’s not what I mean.
I mean, there's money to be made.
- Let's get our grift on.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, let's do it.
(SPANISH JACKIE LAUGHS)
SPANISH JACKIE: Ah, it looks
like your man is famous.
- Woo, look at me!
- BLACKBEARD: Hm.
Why you dressed like a dirty-ass orphan?
(CHUCKLES) Just takin' a little
break from the leathers, ya know?
Mm.
Natural fibers,
bird shit on your collar.
You goin' through that "If I
was a regular dude" phase, huh?
Actually, it might not be a phase.
Ah. Does he know that?
- CROWD: (CHANTING) Stede! Stede!
- (CHEERING)
Because your guy just
became the motherfuckin' man.
Okay, here we go.
Oh, Blackbeard,
- are you a poor now?
- Uh, what? No.
I'm just, (SIGHS) just trying
something different, man.
- Oh, okay.
- BLACKBEARD: Jesus.
Back to basics.
- BLACKBEARD: Love the new look.
- Yeah, now he's mucho caliente.
Fucks like a jackhammer. (CHUCKLES)
- CROWD: (CHANTING) Stede! Stede!
- I'm a Sea God!
- (SPANISH JACKIE LAUGHS)
- Shit.
(MUFFLED CHEERING)
You were kinda like the break in my day.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- I've, I've never been
called "the break"
in anyone's day before.
Ya know, she just looked
at me like I was a worm.
Was it as devastating
as it was arousing?
How'd ya do it, Swede?
How'd you, how'd you
make Jackie so happy?
(SCOFFS) Hard work.
I put my heart, soul, my back into it.
My whole body. (CHUCKLES)
Ya know, if it doesn't work out
with you and your lady friend,
I could put in a word with Jackie. Hm?
There's decent turnover
here, husband-wise.
JIM: I know things didn't end well,
but he thinks about
you all the time, man.
Olu came with me because
we're like anchors for each other.
- We're, we're family.
- Oh, yeah. Family who fucked.
- JIM: Not helping. Look.
- ARCHIE: Sorry, sorry.
Ever since Olu came with us,
all he does is talk about you
and how he wishes he
could make it up to you.
Thank you for telling me.
You wanna talk to him?
I would not say no to that.
See you soon, Pirate Queen.
Don't make yourself too available.
- (BELL DINGING)
- (BIRDS CAWING)
IZZY: Havin' a think, are ya?
Hey, ya know what I did
this mornin'? Bright and early?
- Made your boyfriend blush.
- Hm.
Ya threw away your leathers, I saw ya.
'Course ya did.
How'd it feel?
Fucking great.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
Maybe you should listen to it.
♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- I just threw a violin.
- (GROUP LAUGHING)
Blackbeard didn't wanna
kill Ned Low himself?
No, you see Well, maybe.
But we're a partnership.
We take turns on making our decisions.
That's what we do. It
works for us, always has.
Right, Blackbeard?
- Where is he? Ed?
- MAN: (YELLS) Stede fucking Bonnet!
(CROWD MURMURS)
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
(CROWD GASPS, OOHS)
- (MAN SCREAMING)
- (CROWD LAUGHING)
Looks like I got someone
all hot and bothered.
(LAUGHTER)
Gentlemen Pirate's the fuckin' dude!
- (CHEERING)
- You're not wrong.
♪
Ed? I've been looking
everywhere for you.
Hey, I'm just getting some air.
Someone tried to kill me,
just like you said they would!
But I set them alight, and then I said
a cool thing and everyone laughed!
(HALFHEARTEDLY) Whoa.
Your first immolation.
I'm sorry I missed it.
People are so jazzed!
I even got my ear pierced!
It hurt like hell!
It's been a great day.
Hey, I'm happy for you. I really am.
You don't sound that happy.
Man, I said to you that I
needed to take this slow,
and it's been the complete opposite.
I think last night was a mistake.
I'm not ready for whatever this is.
Well, you know, this can
be whatever we want it to be.
I don't even know who I am.
Alright? I know I don't
wanna be a pirate.
And you. L-Look at you,
you're blowing up, ya know?
You're the toast of the town.
Everyone wants a piece
- Ed, you're panicking!
- I'm-I'm not panicking. Alright?
And here's the news, I'm leaving.
What?
I got a job on a little fishing boat
and I'm leaving.
I'm a fisherman now.
Oh, Ed. Seriously?
You're not a fisherman.
I am. I-I caught a fish. You saw that?
One fish?
Yeah. You liked that fi
You said it was a good fish.
It was a fine fish. It was whatever.
- I was just making you feel good!
- Oh, whatever? Whatever?
Okay, you know what? Fuck you. No.
If you're not taking
my fishing seriously, fine.
Come on, it's not about that!
It's everything about that!
It's everything about fishing.
Why don't we just stop now,
before we say something
we can't take back.
You're just blowing this up.
Fishermen and pirates are nothing alike.
You're a coward!
- Hey!
- TIFF: What?
What is that doing here?
Queen said she didn't
want it in her quarters.
Well, I do not wanna see it here.
Put it below deck. Fuck's sake.
Ugh! (SIGHS)
Planks, ahoy! Planks! Authentic!
100% Gentleman Pirate-certified
replica planks!
Anyone for a plank? Yes, sir! Yes, sir!
PATRON: Over here! Over here!
BLACK PETE: This is a genuine signature.
Very few of these available.
This deal won't last.
The Gentleman Pirate,
the genuine article!
- We need more of these, babe.
- I'm going as fast as I can
with a missing finger, hon.
Fancy man from Barbados!
WEE JOHN FEENEY: Ya know,
for another piece of eight,
I can do the back of his
head on the front of your torso.
- Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
- I've got all day, buddy.
STEDE: Some people
are afraid of success,
but I feel like you guys get me.
You like me for me.
I've only known you a few hours, Bonnet,
but I'd fuckin' die for ya.
A bit intense, but
(SIGHS) I like the feeling.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
VIPs only.
Oh, Mr. Hands.
Steak Knife. Fuck off a minute.
STEAK KNIFE: Fucking off, sir.
Whatever you wanna say, you
can say it in front of my friends.
- Fuck off, Bill.
- Yes, sir, Mr. Hands.
Oh, Bill?
I know what happened. Edward left you.
So, this is a victory lap, then?
Might take you a while
with your horsey leg.
For the record,
I think you're good for him.
You balance each other out.
Took me a long time to
realize that, but I do now.
- Fat lot of good it's done us.
- Hm.
Yeah, well (GROANS)
ya know what he did
when I told him I loved him?
- He shot me.
- He shot you. Yeah, I know.
- (GROANS)
- (BANGS TABLE)
He's a complicated man.
No pressure, but, um,
this might be your last shot.
What we talkin' about?
Que valga la pena.
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
I have a hard time with trust.
You know that saying,
"Fool me once, shame on me;
fool me twice, I need to end your life"?
Okay. That's not how that goes.
That's how I was taught.
Look, I-I'm sorry I left.
Okay? It was, it was just all that stuff
about killin' my friends. It was just
- It was a little bit intense.
- You don't have to explain.
Uh I
(DEEP BREATH) I missed you.
You missed the break in your day.
- (ZHENG LAUGHS)
- 'Cause that's what you used to say.
I missed the break in my day.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- I love when you say that.
(SOFTLY) Okay.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Let's get you back on
the ship. You need it.
Besides you stay here much longer,
you're gonna end up
on the wrong end of a sword.
(STEDE CHUCKLES)
JIM: Look at you,
you got all four limbs.
He was concerned you
were gonna stab him, but
So, yeah.
I-I'm, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna go with Zheng now.
- Oh.
- So, thank you for being kinda nosy
and crossing boundaries,
and (CHUCKLES) you know what you did.
All good, Pirate Queen.
STEDE: What's she doing here?
She's recruited half the island.
Well, she better back off my guys.
As I understand it, there might
be a bit of room on the ship.
Oh, would we get our own room or?
- (ARCHIE/JIM LAUGH)
- Don't push it.
I mean, we can also share.
- I mean, we've been doing that
- OLUWANDE: Alright.
Oh, I see We're all friendly now.
Zheng, last we saw each other,
you were tryna kill everyone.
Hi, Stede.
Congrats on the Ned
Low thing, that's big for you.
Leave my crew alone.
Are you sure they're yours?
Oh, they are. We've
been through hell together.
This might make things
a bit awkward, Cap
- S-Stede, but
- Et tu, Olu?
You're gonna stab me in
the back right in front of me?
For her?
I took her entire crew down
with chamomile tea!
Let's not do this here.
STEDE: Do what? We're
just talking, aren't we?
- Unless
- (CROWD OOHS)
you had something else in mind.
I'm going to pretend you
didn't just touch your sword.
Should I pretend you're
not poaching my crew?
It's not poaching if they wanna leave.
Maybe go spend some time
with your serial killer boyfriend.
Or did he already leave you again?
- Oh, damn.
- (CROWD MURMURS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Who told ya that?
Oh, shit, really?
That was a lucky shot,
but, yeah, figures.
I got this, boss.
That was really mean.
I'd back up.
- Now, I'll be mean.
- Okie-doke.
(CROWD MURMURS)
(CHOKING)
Steak Knife!
- No! What have you done?
- (STEAK KNIFE CHOKING)
(CRIES) Steak! Fight it! Steak-y!
♪
- Draw.
- Oh, Bonnet, no.
I'll make this quick.
You're gonna die quickly, are you?
(STEDE GRUNTS)
- Ah!
- You fight like a towel boy.
(GRUNTS) Aha!
♪
I've killed mediocre men.
I've killed exceptional men.
But you're the worst kind:
a mediocre man who thinks
he's exceptional.
Thing about being mediocre,
no one sees you coming.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
- (ARCHIE LAUGHING)
- Shit.
You got fucked up, bro.
You got fucked up.
- (GRUNTS)
- (ARCHIE YELLS)
- Hell no!
- (GRUNTING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (FIGHTING)
- (GRUNTING)
(INDISTINCT YELLING)
♪
(BOTTLE SHATTERS)
Oh, hell no! Y'all
take this shit outside!
- (PATRON SCREAMING)
- I said, take this shit outside!
(CLOCK TICKING)
STEDE: Oh! (GROANS)
BLACK PETE: Stay down, Stede! Stay down!
- (GRUNTING)
- Oh, no!
JIM: Stede, please don't get up.
Say "mercy" and this all ends.
- OLUWANDE: Just do it.
- BLACK PETE: Say it.
- Quit.
- BLACK PETE: Say it, Stede.
(CRIES) Merci
(SIGHS OF RELIEF)
beaucoup.
(DISAPPOINTED MURMURS)
- (STEDE WHIMPERS)
- (ZHENG YELLS)
- Is this how you plank someone, Stede?!
- (STEDE GROANS)
- Am I doing it right?
- (CROWD EXCLAIMS)
STEDE: Well, actually. (GRUNTS)
- (CROWD EXCLAIMS)
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Fuck.
- Fuckin' hell.
(CLOCK TICKING)
Now the plank walks you!
(YELLS)
(CLOCK CHIMES)
(EXPLOSIONS)
(CANNONFIRE)
(SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEDESTRIANS SCREAMING)
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God!
(EXPLOSIONS)
♪
- (CANNONBALL WHIZZES)
- (EXPLOSION)
♪
(SCREAMING)
♪
This rope is so rough
on my tender fingies.
I shouldn't have agreed to do all this.
What if we just (EXHALES) don't?
- (ROACH LAUGHS)
- I'm so relaxed, man.
How did ya think of this?
My curl pattern was
messed up by the salt air,
I was permanently sunburned,
my toenails were
coming through my shoes.
(FANG GROANS)
And I said to myself, "Roach, buddy,
you need to take care of yourself."
Yeah, that's so, so, so important.
Hey check this out.
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
(FANG GASPS)
What? What are you doing?
Huh?