Perfect Strangers (1986) s02e07 Episode Script

Hi.
Is there anything I can do for you? No, I don't think so.
Cousin, this is the greatest day of my life.
Even greater than when I bought my first pair of Levi's for men with just a skosh more room.
What happened? - Today I am in love! You fell in love during your lunch break? Where is this restaurant? I had lunch with Carol Mosley.
She the girl I tell you about from my American history class.
The one you've been worshipping from afar.
That's when she sit way on the other side of the class.
But I notice her because she's a poor, shy, little creature huddled in the corner.
But last night, the teacher put us together and she begin to open up like a little flower.
Oh, that's nice.
And then today, we had to have lunch to discuss the term paper we have to write.
And she confessed to me that she has had secret feeling for me too.
And it's just like the great Jiminy Cricket said: Fairy tales can come true It could happen to you That's Frank Sinatra.
I think Jiminy Cricket said: When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are When you wish upon a star - Upon a star Your dreams come true - Your dreams come true Balki, you're in love.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Can I buy something before the next chorus? Thank you.
Cousin, is it okay if Carol come over tonight to study? I guess so.
We bachelors have to help each other out.
I'll just say a quick "Hello" and make myself scarce so you can be alone, huh? I'm not going to be alone.
Carol will be with me.
Okay, here's how it works.
When Carol gets here, you'll introduce me.
I'll make small talk, say what a great guy you are.
And then I'll go to the movie.
Now, the movie gets out at 10:50.
If I get back and the curtain is drawn I'll go to the coffee shop and call you, letting it ring once.
That will be your signal that you have exactly 20 minutes to finish any you know, unfinished business.
Got it? I had no idea my date would make your life so complicated.
Don't worry about it.
Everything makes my life complicated.
What's this? These are special things for a special evening.
Zingers Ding Dongs candy-coated corns I don't know what you call these but they are little soft drinks and you can eat the bottle.
No deposit, no return.
Are these what I think they are? My favorite, wax lips.
Balki, give me the lips.
- Mm-mm.
Give me the lips.
- Mm-mm.
Give me the lips.
- Mm.
Believe me, wax lips do not a romantic evening make.
Okay, I'll give you It's her.
And here's Carol.
Hi, Balki.
Hi, Carol.
- Hi.
This is my cousin, Larry.
Hi, Carol.
Oh! What is that that you're wearing? Well, I'm wearing my shirt and my suspenders and my Spider-Man underwear.
I meant your cologne.
No wonder all the giris at school are crazy about you.
Oh.
Tell me something I don't know.
Okay, you come here and sit down.
Cousin Larry will make some small talk with you so that he can go to a movie and leave us alone.
So you're in Balki's history class.
Uh-huh.
I hate history.
But I have to take it to get my high-school diploma.
Hey, isn't Balki a great guy? Yeah.
But let's talk about you.
I hear you're a photographer.
- Oh, yes, I am.
Can you get me into a modeling agency? Well, I Nudity is no problem.
Balki? Anyone for some "uncola"? No, thanks.
I better be running.
But, Carol, we have to put our notes together so we can start writing our term paper.
Oh.
Uh I meant to tell you.
My mother is in the hospital and she needs me.
You understand? Well, of course I do.
Your mama in the hospital.
So run away, child, and don't look back.
Don't worry.
I put our notes together and next time, we start writing.
Oh, Balki.
You're the best study partner a girl could have.
And I just "wove" you to death.
Here.
My notes.
Well, I better be running.
Cab's waiting.
Isn't she wonderful? Uh, Balki, I can't help noticing that I'm here and she's not.
Well, of course not.
Her mother is in the hospital.
She looked a little overdressed for a hospital visit, don't you think? Well, her mother is probably in a very nice hospital.
Well, it looked to me like she was dressed up for a date.
With somebody else.
Oh, cousin, that is not possible.
You heared her.
She "woves" me to death.
Is "wove" the same thing as "love" or is there something wrong with her tongue? There's something wrong with her tongue, all right, it's forked.
Balki, in Madison, I knew a girl like Carol.
Her name was Misty.
She was in my algebra class.
I was very good in algebra.
Of course I was, it had nothing to do with life.
I started going around telling everyone how much in love we were.
But it turned out they were just laughing behind my back because they knew that she was just using me to get a good grade.
Well, at the end of the semester, Misty got her A and then she dumped me.
Really broke my heart.
You see what I'm getting at? Well, of course I do.
Don't be ridiculous.
Yes? You don't want me to take algebra.
Point well-taken.
Balki, Carol is using you to do her work and when the class is over, she won't remember your name.
Wait a minute.
Are you saying that Carol is using me to do her work and that when the class is over, she won't remember my name? Yes.
Popo.
What, popo? Popo.
You haven't had a date in four weeks.
And then Balki, the immigrant sheepherder who doesn't know what fork to eat his soup with comes home with a beautiful woman and I think that you're just a little bit blue with envy.
That's green with envy, and I don't believe I am.
I don't think you would mind so much if I bring home someone who had been beaten with the ugly rock.
Stick, stick.
Ugly stick.
And I am just trying to help you.
Jealous, jealous, jealous.
Me, jealous? You got that right, Mr.
Lonely Guy.
All right.
I tried.
And if you don't wanna listen to me, fine.
But when she breaks your heart, and she will just remember, I tried to warn you.
Come on.
I got new batteries.
What more do you want? Cousin.
- Balki? Oh.
Cousin, before I tell you what I am going to tell you I want to tell you that last night, Carol told me she loved me, again.
Oh, she's gone all the way from "wove" to love in two weeks.
That's real progress.
Cousin, I want you to like her better because tonight the last class and after we hand in our term paper, I'm going to pop the question.
What? Balki, you're gonna ask her to marry you? Well, of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm going to pop the question.
That's what "pop the question" means.
Oh, then, I'm not gonna do that.
What is it on Happy Days reruns when Richie Cunningham gives a girl his class ring? That's going steady.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to ask her to go steady.
Well, it's your life.
And it's your class ring.
You don't have a class ring.
I do have this.
My great-grandnana's emerald brooch.
Is that real? - Well, of course it is.
It's been in my family for 200 years.
Every first-born Bartokomous son give it to the woman who steals his heart.
You're gonna give that to Carol? - Yes.
You don't think she like it? - She'll "wove" it.
All the way to the pawnshop.
Hey, give me that.
- No.
Balki, give me that pin.
I don't think so.
I just wanna see it.
I've heard so much about it.
I just mentioned it for the first time.
Well, yes, that's when I heard so much about it.
May I see it, please? I'll give it right back.
Do you promise? - I promise.
Are you crazy? Give me that.
You're gonna give a family heirloom to that barracuda? You tricked Balki.
- You're darn right, I tricked Balki.
Give me Nana's pin.
- No, no, I won't give you Nana's pin.
I'm gonna put it in a safe-deposit box until you grow up.
Will you give me that? No, no.
Ow! Ow! What's the matter? What? - Ow! Ow! It is sticking me.
Oh.
- Ow! Mm.
Ooh.
Ow.
Ooh.
All right, put me down.
Give me the pin.
- No.
I can't stop you from asking Carol to go steady but just let me keep the pin for a day.
If you ask her to go steady and she says yes then I'll give you back the pin with my apologies and my blessings.
Cousin, she loves me.
I don't know why you can't believe that.
I don't need the pin.
And I don't need your apologies.
I want your blessing.
Honest to God, I hope I am wrong about Carol.
Are you sure this woman is going to hurt Balki that badly? Am I sure? I've been there.
When he comes through that door, he'll be a shell of his former self.
Oh, he'll pretend everything's all right while you're here.
But as soon as you leave he'll open up, pour his poor, pitiful heart out.
I'll comfort him.
I've got some tissues.
The ice cream will cheer him up a little.
And then he'll sleep a dreamless sleep with his arms around Dimitri.
Gosh, you're a great friend.
I can be more than a friend, Jennifer.
Wax lips! Let's party.
You were right, he's devastated.
Good luck.
Macadamia-nut ice cream, my favorite.
But I'm too excited to eat.
What happened tonight? Not what you thought was going to happen.
She didn't break up with you? - Nope.
You asked her to go steady? - Yep.
And she said? - Yep.
You asked Carol Mosley, the same girl that was here two weeks ago to go steady with you, and she said yes? You ain't just whistling Dixie cups.
This was the last night of class? School is over? Uh-huh.
Now, is there something you'd like to crawl over here and say? Well, Balki, what can I say? I made a big, big mistake.
I am so sorry.
Here, please give this to Carol with my blessing.
And I never should have taken it to begin with.
Cousin, it's okay.
I'm too happy to be mad.
God, it was so beautiful, the way she tilted her head to the side after I asked her to go steady and said: "You and me go steady? That's cute.
" And then she was so happy that she burst out laughing.
Balki, exactly how did she laugh? I mean, was it like: Or was it like: The first one again? Well, it was more like the second one, but she don't point.
Why do ask? After you asked her to go steady, did you make any plans for the future? Oh, it's all we could talk about.
We are both bursting with joy.
She tell me that she will be very busy looking for a job and also for a new apartment because she's moving out of the building called Jack's Place.
Did she say something like she was too busy to get together real soon? Yes, and I told her I understand.
Did she say she was gonna be getting a new phone and she'd call you as soon as she had her new number? Get out of the city! You were listening.
Oh, boy.
Balki I'm afraid this is really gonna hurt.
When a woman says she's too busy that's her way of putting you off.
And when she says she's getting a new phone she has no intention of giving you the number.
And Jack's Place is not the name of a building.
It's Jack's place.
But, cousin, she don't say any of those things.
Not in those words, but that's what she meant.
Why are you doing this again? Why can't you just be happy for me? What you saying is no true.
Balki, if you don't believe me, then just call her yourself.
Hello.
Who is this? Jack, may I speak to Carol, please? I think her brother's probably named Jack.
Carol.
Carol, this is Balki.
Do you want to go the movies tomorrow night? Well, of course I remember that you said you were busy but it is Saturday.
Well, yes, but Yes, but But I thought I thought we were Oh.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Goodbye, Carol.
I hope you have a nice life too.
Jack is not her brother.
I made a fool of myself.
You tried to warn me and I wouldn't listen.
Hey, you fell in love.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Sometimes when you're in love, you can't think straight.
Take my word for it, the pain will go away.
When? Well, not for a long, long time.
But it will go away.
Come on.
I am never going to fall in love again.
Sure you will.
- No, I won't.
I don't want to.
It hurts too much.
Hey, hey, I know it hurts.
But Carol was just not the right girl for you.
She wasn't good enough for you.
And somewhere out there is somebody who's right for you.
Somebody who's worthy of wearing your nana's brooch.
And you'll fall in love with her and she'll fall in love with you.
And you'll forget about all the Carols in this worid.
I'm glad you're here.
Here.
I bought four gallons.