Run the Burbs (2022) s02e07 Episode Script

Well, if it isn't the
handsomest man on the block.
Oh! Are you looking into a mirror?
What?
Mirror, mirror.
Oooh, are these the book donations,
for your new little library?
Yeah. It's been hit or miss.
- Doors '95?
- Come on.
Seriously? Who used
this operating system?
What's this?
"Rock my Ridge: A titillating
tale of love, lust, and loss."
Erotic fan fiction about
Rockridge. Written by S.S.
Sebastian.
Oh, Andrew. You gotta check this.
That's outrageous!
This obviously belongs
in the adult section.
- In the back.
- Right.
- Just like the video store!
- Yeah!
Oh, wait.
Actually, I forgot I came for a favour.
I have a prospective client
stopping into the office today.
Oooh, "prospective"!
Yeah. Her business could be huge for me.
I need her to believe I
have big clients already.
- That's where you come in.
- You need a pretend client?
- Yeah, like, a big one.
- I got you.
- Okay, I got just the thing.
- All right.
- I need to get my stuff
- Thanks, buddy!
What's my character's motivation?
What am I doing? What am I doing?
"Hudhud the hippogriff."
It's been a long time
since you've dropped in.
- Everything's going
okay with Andrew? What?!
If you need me to handle anything
Everything is okay, Dad.
It's just, uh
Okay, well, when Candy's
kid, Francis, came to visit,
it made me realize I want to stay
more connected to the
memories I have here.
Like that popsicle stick bridge.
You remember that?
I don't know why you waited
to tell us about your project
until the night before
it's due, Camille.
- I forgot.
- Oh, "I forgot."
You never forget about
your TV shows, do you?
Shh, focus! This has to be
the best bridge in the class.
There are valuable
lessons to be learned.
I know. Load distribution is about
Everyone will finally
learn that I am better
than Jennifer S.'s mom.
It will be a cold day in
hell before I forget the look
- on Jennifer S.'s mom's face.
- She was pissed!
Point is,
I am going to make an effort
to visit home more often.
On that very interesting note,
I actually have something to tell you.
No grade nine or ten has ever won
the T-shirt design competition.
So our ideas need to be
fresh, they need to be funny.
They need to be
- Iconic.
- Iconic. Exactly.
Just like these goggles, which
neither of you noticed, by the way.
Don't worry, we noticed.
I want our ideas to be meaningful.
Gen Z's gonna change the world.
I read a post about
an article once, saying
we're the most tenacious
generation since Ancient Rome.
Well, first there were the aqueducts,
now there's TikTok. Humans
just get better and better.
What about environmental
destruction? We know about that.
Or racism in the education system?
Diminishing 2SLGBTQIA+ rights.
Housing inaccessibility.
I'll never be able to
afford an apartment.
Last week my mom's neighbour sold
her garden shed for 1.2 million!
- My hand hurts!
- The wage gap is growing. The rich get richer.
And Alex L. hasn't DM'd me
back in frickin' 24 hours!
Ow, my hand still hurts!
Are we all gonna die before any
of us make it to second base?
And that's how I'd map out the, uh
the operational
task flow for Anchorline.
I also made an Excel plan to account for
the international branch differences.
Great. Yeah, well,
- I'd love to see that.
- Oh. Oh, yeah!
It's right here. It's
still just a plan so far.
- Yeah.
- I haven't had time
to put it in Excel, you know.
Yeah. Okay
- Yeah, okay.
- Knock, knock!
Hudson!
I was just on a jet-setting tour
of my ethical diamond
mines up in the Canadas
and thought I'd pop in
to visit my most favourite
and competent accountant. You.
The name is Jock Vonderpham.
CEO of Fancy Diamonds
Corps. You are ?
Uh, Jane. Anchorline Health.
Ah, Jane, a pleasure.
Here is my card.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Um, did you have, like, a quick
question to ask before you
Ah, no, you are like family!
I come in, we visit
We talk a little bit, it's fun!
Yeah, why don't I give you two a moment.
Um, where's your washroom?
Oh!
It's, uh, right over there.
And it's the most
beautiful loo in the land!
Oh, okay.
Hah!
What in the junior high
improv team was that?
What accent are you doing? It
changed like, seven, 11 times!
- You can't tell?!
- No!
No, I can't tell! This
was a horrible idea.
You told me to go big.
I meant, like, a company
with 500 franchises,
- not Asian Peaky Blinders!
- Oh, damn.
That's my bad. That's a
classic miscommunication.
Shh, shh, she's coming!
Hi, Jane!
Da-da-da-da-da.
Yeah, so, there's no
water in your toilet.
Oh! Uh, it's broken again?
You can just go and use
the one at Bubble Bae.
Yeah, I'm just gonna go.
- Uh
- Okay.
Jane, hear me out!
Hudson is the kind of man
that will be there
for you no matter what.
If he doesn't know something,
he'll work to figure it out.
What happened to your accent?
Hey, hey, hey!
TikTok star here. Lil Sippy.
Here to see my guy, Huddy on the money.
I forgot about this part.
'Sup?
You see, in the cosmos,
time has no meaning.
And you know, I am, of course,
just a human being, after all.
So I am also
Okay, Dad, you've beaten
so far around the bush now
you're doing laps.
- I am
- Knock, knock, knock!
Ramesh? I brought cookies
for the open house tomorrow!
- The what?
- Oh, honey, an open house
is when prospective buyers
come into the home
No, I know what an open house is.
Seriously, Dad?! All
this, after I just told you
how I recently decided to
start cherishing this house!
- Camille.
- And with Orelei?!
She promised to get me over asking!
That's because she sets
asking prices low on purpose
to start bidding wars!
She's pitting people against
each other. Pushing them out.
She's decimating our community, Dad.
Grow up.
You know what? I'm leaving.
Camille, could you take a couple
of those boxes on your way out?
No!
They cut the funding for art class.
Now we only have three paints.
- Red, blue, and beige.
- Maybe one day,
UV rays will be so intense
we won't have school anymore.
I miss the old me from three hours ago.
When I hadn't yet realized how
horribly screwed the world is.
What are we gonna do to fix everything?
These cheese whiffs don't
taste as good as they used to.
Honestly, Jane is right.
If I want to attract bigger clients,
I have to step my business way up.
You know, this office is a
fancy diamond in the rough.
- You think?
- Yeah.
Just start by taking down
that creepy tax poster,
organize those random stacks
of loose paper, fix your toilet,
get lighting that
actually flatters the face.
What's wrong with my lighting?
Oh, Hudson.
Hire me to help you!
Sometimes I think about hiring someone,
just not a friend. It's a policy.
Come on, Hudson! You
need help organizing,
organizing is my passion.
You need an employee. I'm unemployed.
You like the top half of
Bubble Tea, I like the bottom.
- I like both parts.
- It's a perfect fit.
All right. Fine.
We'll do a trial run
tomorrow. One-day trial.
You won't regret it. Ah! I'm so excited.
I'll grab us a Bubble Tea to celebrate!
Wait, did you say "a" Bubble Tea?
Wait! I like both parts!
What are you doing?
I just got us some more
water for water cooler talk.
All right. Hey!
I stayed up late last
night coming up with some
co-worker nicknames. So
far, I came up with
Okay, I have some rainy
day folders in there
that need some organizing.
Maybe you can organize them?
Ah, work now play later. I respect that.
All right, let's see what we got.
Oh!
Yeah, I've been meaning to get to these.
Uh, this isn't rainy day folders.
This is like, a rainy day closet!
Uh, dawg?
Let's get to work.
Mom!
Hey, what are you doing?
Who's Leslie and why is there
a heart around their name?
Where did all these boxes come from?
- Nana Ji dropped them off.
- I can't believe him!
Did you really need to keep all this?
Participation ribbons?
Old chapstick?
Or this vase?
I will take that.
I'm going to see your Nana Ji, okay?
Can you put all these
boxes in the basement?
Uh
This is just another part of the vase.
Hudson, check this out!
Whoa!
Good job, Andrew. Well done.
While you're up, I've
got a video to show you,
you're gonna love it.
- Uh, no time for videos.
- Oh.
But it's an unlikely
animal friendship video!
You love those!
You know what?
I've got to go buy a new printer.
So, feel free to tidy
up a bit while I'm gone.
Okay.
Wow.
A quick buck on the flippers' market.
We could paint these cabinets.
Oh, those cabinets?
Used to hit my head on them
all the time growing up.
Ugh. Yeah.
And, uh, you have kids?
- Yeah.
- Well, I got two words for you:
Don't even try to let them do
a wood floor skating routine
or else they'll fall
and smash their mouth in.
That was way more than two words.
And over there? Yeah.
Really steep steps.
I sprained my ankle on the
day of my high school prom.
Never had sex, and then
when I did, I got pregnant.
Tell us more! These
anecdotes are charming!
The
Well this house is haunted!
By the ghost of my dead mom.
I'd pay top dollar
for a house so connected
to the spirit world.
Whoa! Ow!
Ow!
Leo! What happened?
I was trying to carry
Mom's stuff down here.
I would've helped you, you know.
Oh no! Mom's weird bridge!
What? A popsicle bridge? Who cares.
Mom is kinda attached
to all of her stuff
from the years before her mom died.
The mother bond. We're
officially doomed.
No. I don't think we are.
Penny, get the cheese
whiffs. Steve, the glue.
Leo, elevate your ankle. We've got this.
What about this
godforsaken T-shirt design?
Don't worry.
I've got an idea for that, too.
So, I was sneaking my
crush in through the window,
and my mom got up for a midnight snack.
Very in uh, unsecure insecure?
Whatever, the windows
in here, they suck.
I'm really surprised we haven't
had an onslaught of break-ins.
- But what about your crush?
- Okay, yeah,
so we were sneaking in, and my
mom gets up, and she's like
What do we do?
- She's sabotaging the whole open house.
- It's Dad!
It's Dad from the future!
I've seen this before.
For whatever freaky reason,
some people have a hard time letting go
of their childhood home. It's
never about the home, though.
They can't let go of something else.
And smacked it against the window!
- I see.
- And she's like,
"I don't believe you, I don't
believe you!" And I'm like,
"Mom, no, seriously, it's me!"
Camille! Thank you so much for sharing!
But save it for therapy.
Who wants to put in an offer?
Amazing.
Tah-dah!
Are those the sounds of appreciation?
Why wouldn't you ask me before
rearranging my entire office?
Why are you not happy?
I re-organized, I redecorated,
I even ordered you a new toilet.
You needed a better space
and this space is way better.
The space was organized in a
way that made sense to my brain.
Now I don't know where anything is.
And where are my posters?
They were given to me
by my first boss. And
Wait. Where did my papers go?
Oh, you mean those
envelopes and napkins?
Well, consider yourself freed from junk.
- You threw out my papers?!
- Well, they didn't spark joy!
Not everything about
taxes sparks joy, Andrew!
I had important notes on those papers!
Oh, damn. Are napkins really the best
You're fired. This is exactly
why I don't hire friends.
Man, I knew this wouldn't work.
I didn't tell you I was
moving because I was afraid
you would react exactly as you did.
Parents of adults
have the responsibility
to stay in their house and
store their adult child's
childhood stuff forever.
You don't even visit
that often. Camille,
what is actually going on?
Do you remember the way
Mom used to say "bagel?"
- Bawgel.
- Bah-gel.
Bah-gel.
It's the details like that
that I'm finding harder
and harder to remember.
And when I'm back here,
it's like going back in time.
You know, surrounded by the memories.
I feel so close to her,
and I've been taking that for granted.
This place is like a time capsule.
That's what Barb said.
She feels close to mom?
Kind of.
Too close.
It's actually getting in the way of
Well, you know.
Ew.
But there are ways
to move forward without moving on.
Honouring the past in the present.
Like you did today with your stories.
Yeah, it did feel nice
to share those stories.
And people enjoyed hearing them.
So much so that it added $52,000
to the market value of my house.
I expect a cut.
Tonight, why don't we find
a way to honour this house,
and the memory that she's left us.
- Ah.
- I was thinking a movie night.
Let the movie night begin.
Ow! Hey!
Somehow I'm not surprised
to find you in there.
I threw out a bunch of
Hudson's stuff and he fired me
from this job and maybe
even our friendship,
and he's been weirdly serious all day.
He wouldn't even look at an
unlikely animal friendship video.
Do you think it has
something to do with Lisa?
How dare you say her name!
They owned the business together,
and he only just signed
the divorce papers.
Whoa.
- Damn.
- Catch!
Okay
Do you have any spare gloves, Cathy?
I lost all my paperwork and
maybe also my friendship,
'cause I accidentally fired
Andrew, and he's acting
over-the-top weird today,
but then again, so have I.
So I just need these gloves to get in
Hudson! I'm sorry I was weird, man!
Well, I'm sorry I was weird, too!
You're both weird.
Look, I just realized that I
was probably stepping on some
"she who must not be
named" nerves today.
I'm sorry.
I'm coming in there, man!
There's there's an entrance there.
Working together is part of
why Lisa and I didn't work out.
You know, you're my best friend,
and I just didn't want to lose you too.
But then I fired you and
now we're in a dumpster.
No, I shouldn't have gone
all "trading spaces" on you.
But I'm gonna make things up.
I'll even re-hang your creepy tax poster
once I get the mayonnaise off it.
No, man, I like your poster way more.
Oh, thank God. I think
that one is haunted.
And I love working with you, man.
You're really good at this stuff.
So, if you're willing,
I'd like to offer you a
permanent position here.
You know, just until you
can find something else.
Aww!
I gotta call Camille! And my mom!
Thank you. You won't regret this.
You won't regret this again.
Show me that animal video, man!
Okay, yes!
Oh, oh!
Oh, it's an orca and a squirrel!
She's home!
What? This is nowhere near finished!
Lia? Kheo?
- And she's coming!
- Leo!
I mean, Khia! Leo!
Hey, kids. You doing crafts?
- Yep!
- Nope!
Okay
- Mom, I can explain!
- I didn't mean to drop it!
This was way harder than I remembered!
Mercury's in retrograde,
it was inevitable!
Accidents happen.
We're sorry.
We can rebuild it together?
That'd be nice. Come on.
Oh, did you finish your T-shirt design?
Actually, I came up with an
idea inspired by Leo's wipe-out.
So glad I could be an inspiration.
"The work is yours to do,
but never yours alone."
I love that.
- Yeah, it's awesome, Khia.
- Thanks.
Totally worth our trip to
the pits of existential hell.
Pass me the cheese
whiffs, this bridge party's
about to be poppin'!
Mom, can we circle back to
this "Leslie" lover of yours?
Uh, yeah.
But first, let me tell you
the story about this bridge.
So, I was in the fifth grade, and my mom
had an ongoing rivalry
with Jennifer S.'s mom
"Barbacula was tied to
Mesh-Ram, a professor of magic,
but yearned for the lowly
fish tank artisan nearby
Barbacula!"
"Sebarshian!
Only you know the secrets
of my vampire ways!"
And only you know I'm a werewolf!"
"Catch a ride with Hudhud
the hippogriff and meet me
at the cul-de-sac by moonlight.
I'm going to rock your ridge!"
Sebastian's a literary genius.