See Dad Run (2012) s02e07 Episode Script

Ooh.
Ooh.
You got enough? Nope.
I can still see pancake.
I'm running late.
Hit me, Joe.
Oh, attaboy.
I can't see pancake.
Dad, turn on Whitney live.
She's totally trashing you on her show.
Oh, again? Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.
- Record it.
Love you guys.
For those of you who don't know, last year, when I was I did an episode of see dad run.
Marcus, can we do that scene again? I really want to nail that joke.
Why are my shoes wet? Uh Whitney, did your water break? What, are you afraid of a little bit of water? Come on, let's shoot this thing.
But when I asked Mr.
Hobbs to return the favor, this is what I got.
Donnie, play the phone call.
Oh, hey, Whitney.
David Hobbs.
I'm really under the weather.
Gonna have to cancel.
Really love the show though.
Big laughs.
I gotta go.
But no more than an hour later, somebody emailed me this.
Apparently, the weather he was under was 75 and sunny.
And no wind.
It was not only a perfect golf day, it was a perfect hair day.
So as is our weekly custom, it's time for Where's Hobbs hiding? We got a sighting, Whitney.
What is David swimming in? A pool of lies? David, whatever you do, do not turn on Whit Too late.
I failed you.
My phone is blowing up.
All my friends think this is hysterical.
Can someone explain to me what's so funny about this? Come on, Whitney had you hiding as the Queen of England.
It was hilarious.
Well, guess what kind of mood I'm in? Whitney Gibbons is feeling a wee bit Feisty! Yep.
And since next week's family week, it's time to give David Hobbs a chance to come out of hiding and appear on this show.
Donnie, ring him up.
OMG! That's her.
Can I answer, please? - Daddy, please? - No, no, no.
I have some great ideas for "where's Hobbs hiding?" li understand, just give me the phone, sweetheart.
Thank you very much.
Hobbs is done hiding.
I'm gonna go on her show and stop America from laughing once and for all.
Hello.
Whitney.
Well, what a surprise.
Yeah, I oh, I would love to come and do your show.
Yeah no, I will not get sick again.
I nothing will stop me from doing your show.
I promise.
All right, I'll see you then.
I don't feel good.
Wow, you are burning up.
I have to sneeze.
David! Is that coming from me? She's gonna blow! Go! Go! Go! Everybody inside the house.
The doctor says you're very contagious, so please keep your germs inside your bodies at all times.
Thank you.
You need lots of rest and plenty of fluids.
I'm not thirsty, dad.
You need to keep hydrated because Joe, I am your Father.
Dad, please tell me I was hallucinating when I heard you tell everybody in the waiting room the story about my monster pimple my first day of high school? Emily, that punch line of mine killed.
"Your pimple was so big, it had its own zit code.
" My ears must be clogged, because I could've sworn you just made a "zit code" joke.
My ears are clogged too, and my head hurts.
Me too! Those are some of the symptoms.
The doctor said you have the Canadian Moose Flu.
I know it sounds funny, but it's very serious.
Hence the name "Moose Flu.
" Actually, it is kind of funny.
Listen, the doctor told you guys to go like this to clear your ears.
Look at me.
It's working.
Okay.
All right.
Now listen There we go.
Nice.
Everybody, let's go upstairs and wait for your mom to come so she can take over, because I cannot get sick for the Whitney show.
Come on.
Yeah! Come on! Move along now, doggies! Come on! Head North! There you go.
Ha! Little one, don't get lost from the herd.
There you go.
Yah! Get up.
Oh, hey.
Kevin.
Oh, hey, David.
You look terrible.
- Oh - Get away from me! No, don't don't worry.
I'm just finishing making up my grandfather's holistic immunity booster.
One swig of this and there's a chance that you and I could live forever Or die in each other's arms, and honestly, I'm good either way.
Honey, I'm home.
You're off duty.
Just just give me a second.
- Oh.
Oh, Amy.
- What? What? - What? What? - Amy oh oh, great.
Oh, no.
You've got the Moose Flu.
Oh, no, no.
The doctor says I have the Moose Flu! Okay.
All righty, come on.
You're no good to me.
- Upstairs.
- What? Upstairs with you, Bullwinkle.
What? I can't As most of you know, David Hobbs has promised to appear on the show.
Do you think he's gonna make it, Donnie? - Nope.
- Pipe down, Donnie.
This is my show.
But I don't disagree with you.
So until David Hobbs shows his pretty face right here in this studio, the question still remains.
Where's Hobbs hiding? Dad, that's us.
I know that! Where's our orange juice? Coming right out.
Too slow.
Hit him again.
- Honey, that's me.
- I know! Where are my fuzzy socks? In the warmer.
Coming up.
Heads up! Oh, good.
Food.
Ah, Pat! Yes.
Nice and fast.
- Attaboy.
- Yeah, no problem, Mr.
Hobbs.
Four chicken noodle soups.
And sorry, Joe.
We're out of peanuts.
Pah! Dad, did you tell him the "nut stuck up my nose" story? Joe, I'll tell you the same thing I told your sister about her zit story: Yes.
Laugh it up, Janie.
I am sure he's telling stories about you too.
Me? I'm six.
What have I done? Oteka Swedish furniture? Your little sit-down with the display toilet? Who did you tell? Come on, guys.
These are great stories.
And since I'm home a lot, you're my new go-to.
And what do you care what Pat and a couple of moms and those clowns at the trampoline place think? You told bounce-o and flip flop? They're clowns! Who are they gonna tell? Dad, they carpool with 18 other guys.
You guys, you gotta learn to laugh at yourselves.
Oh.
All right.
David, I got those jokes you wanted for Whitney live.
- All right, you ready? - Yeah.
After you tell Emily's zit story, you close with, "you know why they can't keep Emily in prison?" - Why? - She keeps breaking out.
- Oh! - See? Good one.
Guys.
If everyone at school hears these stories, we're done.
So as much as I would love to meet Whitney, we have to stop dad from going on her show.
How are we gonna do that? We give him the Moose.
My daughter Janie tells me "meatballs used to be the number one reason "to go to oteka.
Now it's number two.
" There we go.
Let's take him down.
Okay, I got one.
Bless you.
Dad! My neck hurts.
Will you come fluff my pillow? Of course.
Daddy, will you read me a story? I would love to.
"And the mommy swan wanted to teach the baby swans to swim.
So she shook them off and swam away.
" Over.
I'm over this.
Over.
Copy that.
Hey, David.
Oh.
Kevin, you look great.
Oh, yeah.
Papa's potion.
I feel like a million bucks.
No, I mean your hair.
It looks fantastic.
Oh, this? Yeah.
Just a fortunate side effect of papa's remedy.
Maybe I should try some of your papa's potion.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Coming coming right up.
Just gotta get it going.
You gotta get what going? Oh, my arms don't move.
Just another tiny side effect.
Grab it.
And grab it, grab it, grab it.
I can make it hesitate at the top, okay? And grab it.
Okay.
This is pointless.
Nothing is getting dad sick.
I think I'm getting a zit just stressing out about it.
I'm going to turn this into a positive and become the best nose-nut-blower in the world.
I just had to eat that last meatball.
Hi.
I'm Whitney Gibbons.
I just stopped by to chat with your dad about being on the show.
I can't believe you're standing in our door.
Oh, please, come in.
Please, come in.
I'm Emily.
My friends and I watch your show.
We all wear your perfume feisty.
"Spritz me once, shame on you.
Spritz me twice, feisty.
" My friends and I do that all the time, but you do it so much better.
I do, don't I? - I do.
- Yeah.
I'm Joe.
I think your DJ, Donnie, is way cool.
I'm Janie.
I pooped in a fake toilet.
Janie! She's gonna find out anyway.
Might as well own it.
She's just saying that because we're pretty sure our dad's going to tell embarrassing stories about us on your show.
Well, don't worry about that.
If you make sure your dad shows up, I'll make sure that he behaves himself.
Trust me, I've handled plenty of guests with egos bigger than your Father.
I have an ego bigger than your Father.
I'm Whitney Gibbons.
She is feisty.
Bring it in.
So what are you kids doing inside on such a beautiful day? We're all sick.
Like you got a cold? Like you got the sniffles or something? Because I know you ain't hugging me with the Moose Flu.
Tell me you were not hugging me with the Moose Flu! You do not have the Moose Flu! Ladies and gentlemen, it's Whitney live! Thank you.
Thank you so very much.
Oh! Hey.
A perfume for you.
All right.
Some salts for you.
Okay.
I feel so much better since I took Kevin's home remedy.
Oh, yeah.
Whitney! Welcome, everyone.
I hope you're all feeling great, because I'm feeling - Feisty! We have a great show for you.
What better way to cap off family week than with today's special guest: America's number one dad David Hobbs.
Hey! Stop manhandling David.
He requires a delicate touch.
Give me that! Just put it put it put it there.
Go.
Okay, okay.
Wait for it.
Oh, just give me that.
Ah.
Man, you're like the incredible, inflatable man at the car dealership.
Also with us today, Dr.
Timothy Barton.
Whoa.
Sounds like my stomach's being a little feisty too.
She's got the Moose.
What's wrong with my ears? We'll be right back.
Are you okay? Oh! Well, hey, folks.
Got, uh Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Got a little bit of bad news.
Whitney is under the weather right now.
Either that or she's playing 18 at pebble beach.
Okay, so here's the thing.
She was there for me on my show.
And the least I can do is be here for her on her show, right? So guess what, folks? I'm feeling a little bit - Feisty! - Okay.
So what do you say we bring out our first guest, okay? He's a family counselor who's got a new Oh, man book.
So let's welcome Dr.
Timothy Barton, everybody.
- Hey.
- Hey, David, how are you? Dr.
Timothy, it's good to see you.
So what why don't you tell us what your book is about? Let's talk family.
Sure.
It's about teaching parents how to best guide their children through those difficult teenage issues, like body image or acne.
A lot of us parents tend to see things from our own perspective.
Speaking of acne, Tim, my teenage daughter once went to high school with a pimple so big, it could've had its own zitcom.
But what parents need to remember is it's just as important to see things through their children's eyes.
It could've had its own zitcom! Thank you very much.
David? David? Yeah, what? Uh, I was told that you had a teenage daughter.
I would think that you would have stories.
You would think, but I don't.
My daughter has a beautiful complexion, just like me.
Well, you have a young son.
I know mine drives me nuts.
"Nuts"? What's with the nuts, Tim? You want to know what's nuts? Having a 300-page book with no pictures in it.
That's what's nuts.
- And we are out of time.
- What? But Whitney promised me a full segment.
Yeah, I know, I'm feeling a little feisty today, Dr.
Barton, so let's pack it up, okay? - Come on, here we go.
- Oh.
And America, you're welcome.
- Woo! - Okay.
So, uh, our next guest, uh, has some ideas about how to refurnish your kid's room on a budget.
So if you'll please welcome oteka Swedish furniture rep Are you kidding me, really? How about this, folks? No more guests.
Just me for the next How's that, okay? And we'll be right back.
Okay, it's family week.
Family week.
Family week.
Donnie, you got any family? - Nope.
- Okay, thanks.
Okay, so here's what you do.
You always brush your hair against the cowlick, you want to go into it.
You have to fight it.
And then, once it's set, you spray a fine mist and you just walk into it.
Okay? Raise your hand if your name is also David.
So Donnie, how do you work this thing? Dude, dude, dude.
That's my personal best, everybody.
So when I finally got to Hollywood What the heck is that? Dude! Now here's the double take.
Now a little bit of advanced acting.
Double take with a "you got me.
" Family, family, family, family week Family week family week, family week, family week Family, family, family, family week Family week.
Thanks, daddy.
As painful as that was to watch, I'm sure it was worse for you.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
You're a good man, David Hobbs.
A lousy singer, but a good man.
Hmm, come here.
We can hug later.
I got to tell you, you know, I'm really glad I didn't tell those stories, because those are our stories.
Mm-hmm.
That's what makes them so special.
I just hope that one day you can tell me embarrassing stories about your own kids.
- Wow.
- Hey.
That first wave of the Moose is brutal.
Tell me about it.
David, thank you so much for filling in.
- I really appreciate it.
- Oh, yeah no, yeah.
I just wish I could've been a better host.
Oh, don't worry about that.
Yeah, when I when I left, we went to a repeat.
So thanks for the footage.
It's gonna play great.
Wait a minute.
What's gonna play great? Family, family, family, family week Family week family, family, family, family, family, family week Family week, family week family, family, family, family Family week family week, family week Family, family, family, family, family, family week.