Sister Boniface Mysteries (2022) s02e07 Episode Script

1
Behold the box of death.
A replica of the one found
in the dungeon
of the Marquis de Sade in 1814.
Prepare to be amazed!
But first, I need a volunteer
from the audience.
You, sir.
And now I shall be secured
inside this formidable
box of death.
Watch the rope burn
and pray that I can
make my escape
before the blades above
can seal my fate.
The Great Faldini.
I don't know how we're
expected to beat that.
It was marvelous. Bravo.
You haven't seen my Tina yet.
Right. Now if somebody could
clear this blood up, please.
And if The Great Faldini
could move his prop
to the back of the stage so
we can carry on the rehearsals.
Judges will be here ooh
Just under two hours.
- So how did you get out?
- Mind your own business, squirt.
Magicians' secrets,
Magicians' secrets, eh, Terry?
Oh, didn't see you there, Len.
How's business?
Oh, you know.
You've taken most of it.
Oh, you can have
your poxy kids' parties.
I'll be out of Great Slaughter
for good with this new act.
New?
Oh, that's a good one.
Come on, Len.
It's not worth it.
Hey, he's right, old boy.
Time to walk away.
Just like your customers have.
Break it up!
That's enough, both of ya!
Um, Sister,
I have a receipt here
for, um, strumpets.
I should've been a doctor.
That would be crumpets.
But it's for seven guineas
and 12 shillings.
Yes, well, at an average
of 2.5 a day,
at a cost of two pence
a crumpet
However, given the said amount
being consumed in entirety
by an employee of the police,
it's been submitted
as a police expense.
It's a fair cop.
Where do you want these?
Sir, if you could
If you could possibly
Yep. Audit.
Mm, nasty business.
I don't see why we should have
to account for every last groat.
We should be guarding the law,
not counting beans.
Hear, hear.
Anyway, one of you lot
is off the hook
because WPC Barton is visiting
some sick aunt in Salisbury and,
well, I need someone with me.
With you where, sir?
I'm head judging
the talent show.
And Button was down
for security duty.
So who fancies a fast from pesky
paperwork for a couple of days?
You go.
Me?
Give you a chance to absorb
the local culture.
Engage with the community.
But what about this?
Well
Consider it done. You deserve
a break from paperwork.
Splendid!
That's settled, then.
Sir, may I ask,
why do you need police presence
at the village talent show?
Ho, ho, ho!
It can get rather heated.
There's already been
a scuffle, I hear.
And this year, the world, his
wife and their dog have entered
on account of there
being a £500 prize pot.
Wow. That is a lot of money.
Well, it's the 50th anniversary
of the talent show.
And Sir Tristan Leakey has
offered it to promote
the cultural life
of the village,
along with a cup in his name.
The Leakey cup?
Oh, yes, an unfortunate
stipulation,
but, well, gift horse looked
in the mouth and all that.
Morning, Tom.
Heard you all doing a soliloquy.
What's it to be?
Or nar ta be. Harret.
Oh, iconic.
The bard at his very finest.
Don't you think, Sergeant?
A particular favorite of mine.
Ar got you a'lar somming.
What, what, what?
Oh, truffle.
Where on Earth,
if you'll pardon the pun,
did you unearth
this treasure trove?
Oh, of course. Wouldn't want
to spread it about.
Well, jolly decent of you, Tom.
Sir, couldn't that
be considered bribery?
Not if he doesn't win.
Ah! Miss Beaufort.
Chief Constable Hector Lowsley.
Are you lost?
Well, I'm looking
for the dressing tent.
I wanted to wish
the contestants luck.
Miss Beaufort, may I introduce
my daughter, Tina Tiny.
You may have heard of her.
Oh, she's making
quite a name for herself.
Hello, Tina.
I like your costume.
- How old are you?
- 11.
The little girl
with a big voice.
Well, I hope you break
a leg in the heats.
Oh. Welcome to the heats
of the 50th Great Slaughter
talent competition.
I'm your compere, Ted Button.
And your judges
Sir Tristan Leakey,
this year's generous benefactor,
Chief Constable Lowsley,
and local celebrity judge,
Jane Beaufort.
Celebrity.
I've never heard of her.
Today will be entirely devoted
to the heats due to
the unusually
high number of entrants.
They're only here
for the prize money.
With the audience finals
tomorrow afternoon.
Tina Tiny is
a rising child star.
You should be grateful
to have her.
Yeah, right. Who wants to see
a poor man's Shirley Temple?
You should be disqualified.
And Creepy Cuddles.
That's Curly Cuddles.
All right, now, let's
keep things cordial.
Remember, folks, it's all
about the taking part, yeah?
Once I stood ♪
In the shadows ♪
Never seen ♪
Never heard ♪
Always looked in the mirror ♪
Feeling false ♪
Quite absurd ♪
Then I found ♪
A new sound ♪
From inside, no
need to hide ♪
I was there ♪
Now I'm here ♪
I can finally be me ♪
Flying free ♪
Well, let's hear it
for Tina Tiny,
the little lady
with a big, big voice.
Your timing was off
on the offbeat double-hop turn.
Let's hope it won't cost you
a place in the final.
Stop squirming!
in the refreshments tent,
and we recommence in one hour.
Where do you think you're going?
Now watch as I,
Curly Cuddles the Conjurer,
dare to escape from this rope.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Put your hands together
for Curly Cuddles!
Now, if there are any
members of the audience
with a nervous disposition,
can they kindly leave
the hall now?
Because the next act,
the Great Faldini,
will attempt the box of death.
Ooh!
Behold the box of death.
But first, I need a volunteer
from the audience.
Perhaps our esteemed judge
will do the honors.
No.
Well, up you go, then.
An honor to have
Miss Jane Beaufort
as my assistant.
And now
Miss Beaufort shall secure
this formidable box of death.
Watch the rope as it burns
and pray that the Great Faldini
can make his escape
before the blades above
seal his fate.
Well, this will be
the one to beat.
Keeping us on tenterhooks, eh?
The victim is Terry Smith,
a.k.a. the Great Faldini,
also available for weddings,
children's parties,
and bar mitzvahs.
Well, no need to ask
the cause of death.
It's a variation on a trick
by Andre Kole.
The magician climbs into the box
and is shut inside,
the candle lit to burn
through the rope
and release the knives.
Well, I'm assuming it didn't
go according to plan.
Well, the rope ignited and
burnt through under 10 seconds,
giving the poor soul no time
to make his escape.
Do you mind?
This is a crime scene.
I'm sorry.
I'll be quiet as a church mouse.
So, misadventure.
Well, that makes things simpler.
Have a sniff at that.
I'll wager some
sort of accelerant,
in which case this was
no magical misadventure.
It's murder.
Right. Well, I'll leave you
to take witness statements.
I need to get back
to the station.
I have an audit to finish.
Anything of interest?
"Terry, I'll put an end to this
once and for all.
Debra."
Well, we've got
a "Diandra the poet,"
a cellist named Diana,
and Della the dog hypnotist,
but no Debra.
You said the Great Faldini
did a technical rehearsal
this morning.
And then the prop was moved
to the back of the stage.
Who was in there?
Anyone and everyone.
The contestants were rehearsing
until the heats started.
The only time the hall was empty
was during the tea break.
When everyone was
in the tea tent.
Correct.
Well, no.
Now I come to think of it,
I don't think I saw the kid
and her mother.
Did, um Did Terry's
technical run-through
go smoothly, Ted?
Terry and I were partners
for 10 years.
"The Clown and the Magician."
That was up until six months ago
when he decided that clowns
were old hat
and I was holding the act back.
Turned out he was right.
The business dried up.
And no one wants a clown
without a magician.
Then what happened today?
Well, I came in here and he
was lording it up with his new act.
He goes to me, "Hey, Leonard.
How's business?"
I just lost it.
But I-I wouldn't wish
that upon him.
- No.
- One more thing.
Does the name Debra
mean anything to you?
Debra?
He had an assistant years ago.
Debra Cadabra,
but I don't know her real name.
Can you describe her?
Well, I've only seen a photo,
but it is typical Terry.
Blonde. 10 years
younger. Curvy.
- Classic magician's assistant.
- All right.
Thank you, Mr. Cuddles.
Poor Terry, eh?
Still, at least
the kid'll win now.
You weren't in the refreshments
tent during the tea break.
We stayed behind.
Tina needed to work
on her routine.
We missed tea.
I don't think you need
any more feeding. Do you?
Did anyone come in
while you were there?
No.
And you were together
the entire time?
Yes.
- Weren't we, Tina.
- Yes.
Stop biting your fingernails.
Where's the other entrance
to the hall?
So the saboteur
must have entered this way
unseen by Sylvie
and her daughter.
When the contestants were
in the tea tent.
Although, arguably, one of them
could have slipped out
unnoticed.
Sorry.
My nerves are rather frayed.
- Yes, I can imagine.
- The poor man.
Were you in the tea tent
for the duration
of the break earlier?
Um, most of it, yes.
I, uh, powdered my nose
before I returned to the hall.
Can I ask if the
Great Faldini's behavior
seemed, well, normal?
Was he distracted or worried
about the performance?
He was in his element,
relishing the theater.
What a terrible way to die.
If you'll forgive me,
I could do with a lie down.
Of course.
Care to share, Felix?
She seemed ill at ease when she
was called on the stage.
Strange for an actress, no?
Or perhaps she was simply
caught off-guard.
Now, time for some tests.
Do you think he was murdered?
The police are presently
treating it
as an unexplained death.
Settle down. Settle down.
Settle down.
Terry, above all else,
was a showman.
And despite the untimely
and unfortunate nature
of his demise,
I believe he would say
the show must go on.
Hear, hear.
All in favor?
Right.
So if we're all agreed,
the heats will resume
tomorrow morning
with the finals
in the afternoon as scheduled.
Fascinating.
- Morning, Sister.
- Oh, good morning, Sam.
Good news I've identified
our murder weapon,
otherwise known
as the accelerant.
It's hairspray.
Used by half the population.
Present company
excepted, Sister.
Uh, no, it's it's not
human hairspray.
It's industrial strength,
designed for use
on synthetic wigs.
The sort of thing
a clown might use?
Oh, yes, exactly.
Okay. I think we should have
a word with Mr. Cuddles.
You go.
I'd love to, but there's
a renegade flock of sheep
blocking the high street.
Can't PC McGrew handle it?
It's carnage out there,
apparently.
Fill me in later.
- He's acting rather strangely.
- Hmm.
Almost like he's pulling
the wool over our eyes.
Sorry.
What are you looking for?
Do you own a kind
of synthetic wig hairspray?
Yes, but someone
swiped it yesterday.
Okay. Very convenient.
Oh, hey, don't go in there.
Mr. Cuddles, I would like you
to accompany me
to the station for questioning.
So tell us about
the missing hairspray.
Why are you asking?
Well, because that specific
type of hairspray
was applied to the rope
before Terry's death.
It was in my prop box.
I left it in the village hall.
You were there
when I went to fetch it.
I mean, anyone could
have swiped it.
You You can't pin this on me.
Can you explain
how you came across
the Great Faldini's notebook?
A magician and his secrets
are never parted.
But now the magician is dead and
said book in your possession.
I think you'll agree,
an explanation is in order.
- I wanted proof.
- Of what?
Terry didn't come up
with the box of death.
I did. Look.
See?
That that's my handwriting.
See how it's different?
I didn't want him winning £500
on an idea he'd stolen from me.
I just wanted my fair share,
that's all.
- How did you get it?
- It was in the tea interval.
He kept it locked
inside his trunk.
But I knew the combination.
I'd seen him do it
a thousand times.
I didn't kill him.
It was my only chance
of getting some cash.
I'm hardly going to win, am I?
During the interval, did you
see anyone else at the back
of the village hall?
No. Oh, yeah. Just the kid.
It's all right. I won't tell.
Cake's long gone, but I think
I can maybe rustle something up.
- Need to wash behind your ears.
- Thank you.
You did good out there, kid.
- I messed up.
- You want to see a mess?
Watch me. Chin up.
Oh, I've seen some pushy mothers
in my time, but hers?
Oh, she takes the biscuit.
You aren't in any trouble.
It's just very important
that you tell us the truth.
You said you were with
your mother rehearsing
for the entire tea break.
That wasn't true.
No.
Knees, arms, curtsy hands,
and dimple.
I don't need to practice.
I-I know I know it by heart.
Do you want to beat
that magician or not?
I have to pop out
for half an hour.
But where are you going?
You aren't a baby.
I need some time to myself.
Now keep practicing.
No stopping till I get back.
But you didn't stay
and practice.
I was so hungry.
Mummy's put me on a diet,
so I wasn't allowed tea.
They leave the leftovers
at the back of the tea tent.
Did you come straight
back to the hall?
Yeah. Mummy was back
soon after.
- Just before the break was over.
- Thank you, Tina.
And do you know where we might
find your mother?
You won't tell her, will you?
About the food?
Mum's the word. I mean, um,
your secret's safe with us.
Who told you that?
A witness saw you
leaving the village hall.
I was meeting
a friend.
Oh, a gentleman friend.
There's no need
to look like that.
My husband died 10 years ago,
leaving me two baby girls
to bring up by myself.
A woman gets lonely, you know.
And Tina has a sister.
Had.
She died of measles six weeks
after this was taken.
I'm so sorry.
Chalk and cheese.
One naturally sunny
and outgoing.
The other quiet and reserved.
Still
I still have one bright star.
So if you don't mind
I have some notes for Tina
to work through.
I will attempt to interview
the mime artist.
And in the meantime,
there's a missing can of
hairspray still unaccounted for.
Hey, where are you off to?
I'm announcing
the finalists soon.
Seriously, Ted.
Where's your fighting spirit?
- Died with Terry.
- You're not missing him?
No, no. He was a swine.
But I can't blame him
for leaving me, though.
I'm the worst clown
in the country.
Remember our Peg doll's
8th birthday party?
You really made her day
with them balloon animals
and squirty flowers
and squeaky shoes.
Never in my life have I seen
a man pratfall like you.
Yeah, but
I was at the top
of my game then, Ted.
But no one wants clowns anymore.
No, what they don't want is
clowns trying to be a magician.
Mate, if you get through
to the finals,
you've got
to remember something.
You're a clown.
Be a clown.
Sister.
Sister?
- Oh, hello.
- Sylvie's gentleman friend,
he confirms that he was with her
between 3:15 and 3:45,
which still leaves
15 minutes unaccounted for.
Well, she's the right age.
Is it possible that she's
the mysterious Debra Cadabra?
I'll do some background checks.
Oh, well, look at this.
One puzzle solved, at least.
I shall take this back
to the lab and dust for prints.
Competition has been
very high this year.
So you can all be
very proud of yourselves
just for being part of it.
But now, without further ado,
going through to the finals
this afternoon,
and in no particular order,
are
Martin Marceau the Mime
Contortionist Carla
Tom Thomas
Della the dog hypnotist
The Belles of Great Slaughter
Curly Cuddles
And last but by no means least,
except in terms of stature,
it's Tina Tiny!
Now, those of you still
in the competition,
meet backstage in 20 minutes.
This is a fast turnaround.
Uh, Miss Beaufort, please,
can you sign my program?
I'd be delighted.
She wasn't her best
in the heats.
I'm sure she'll impress you
more today, won't you, Tina?
I'm sure she will.
Oh, uh, I hope you'll
give my card to your husband.
He was always on the lookout
for the next child star.
Of course.
I wonder if you'd oblige
with one more.
If you'd make it
to Sister Peter.
She's a huge fan
of the Fanshaw saga.
Oh, how lovely.
Thank you.
My Lords, ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the finals
of the 50th Great Slaughter
talent competition.
And have we got a show for you.
So put your hands together
for our first act,
The Belles of Great Slaughter.
Three, two, one and
I think I found something.
No, no, no, no, not that.
Something else.
The Belles of Great Slaughter!
Three, two, one and
That's the end, Dottie.
Exit stage left.
Dottie, Dottie, Dottie.
Stage left.
I happened to see Jane Beaufort
signing an autograph
and noticed something
sinister
In the Latin sense, of course,
meaning on the left.
She's left-handed.
So what?
Do you remember the palm print
on Debra Cadabra's note
on the right-hand side
of the page?
Look at this.
It's where a left-handed person
would rest their hand
so they can write, see?
Pound to a penny,
if we compare this
to Debra Cadabra's note,
we'll have a match.
Oh, thank you.
I don't have long, I'm afraid.
I'm needed back
after the interval.
Did you write this?
Then you admit that you are
Debra Cadabra?
Oh, I'm Jane Beaufort.
I was Debra Cadabra
for less than two years.
Terry came up with the name,
not me.
You were his assistant?
I was 18 years old
when he hired me.
He was 10 years older
and a practiced seducer.
You were in a relationship.
What happened?
I fell pregnant.
Terry's future didn't include
a child, so she was adopted.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Can you explain this?
After I agreed to judge
the talent show,
I received a card from Terry
congratulating me
on my engagement to Simon
and saying he was looking
forward to seeing me here.
I assume you didn't take it
at face value.
Knowing Terry, I assumed
it was a thinly veiled
attempt at blackmail.
But why now? Why would he do it
after all these years?
Terry wasn't interested
in a bit-part actress.
But now I'm going to be the wife
of Sir Simon Floyd Douglas,
a wonderful man whom I hope
to have children with.
But there are parts of my life
that I chose not to share,
and I had hoped
for it to stay that way.
Did you confront him?
Well, after I arrived
for the heats on Friday,
I went looking for him,
but he wasn't
in his dressing area,
so I left the note.
The first time I saw him was
when he called me up on stage.
But as his assistant,
you were familiar
- with these type of tricks?
- Oh, no.
Escapeology wasn't Harry's thing
when we worked together.
He just cut me in half and
And pulled rabbits out of hats.
If you think I had anything
to do with his death,
you are very much mistaken.
I need to get back.
Trying to save
a future marriage.
It's quite the motive.
Na more.
Barr a sleep to say
we und the harrt eche.
The harda usha sha-sha
flesh is harta.
'Tis a constipation
devoutly ta bae wisht.
Ta die, ta sleep.
Oi, there's a rabber.
The bard at his most sublime.
Always gets me.
Terry was blackmailing Jane.
He also stole Leonard's idea.
Then there's Sylvie, who wants
her daughter to win at all cost.
Anything yet From the hairspray?
No fingerprints.
But I found some strange
residues on the canister.
Just running some tests now.
Has Sam been briefed
about Debra Cadabra?
Yes, he he ran
to have a catch-up.
Made more dubious excuses.
It can't be a woman.
He'd be more cheerful.
As well as smelling strongly
of Claude Chang for men.
Let's examine this logically.
It started when CC Lowsley
asked for help
for the talent show.
Then he abandoned a crime scene
when he should
be interviewing key suspects.
There must be a link.
- Bingo!
- Of course.
Denatonium benzoate.
Okay
A chemical often used
as a bittering agent
in toxic products.
Here it's found along
some interesting friends.
Look at this nitrocellulose
and isopropyl alcohol.
But a mixture of all three
would suggest
a substance applied to
Oh, dear.
Isn't this good news?
I'm afraid not.
Then I found ♪
A new sound from inside ♪
No need to hide ♪
I was there ♪
Now I'm here ♪
I can finally be me ♪
Flying free ♪
Let's hear it
for Miss Tina Tiny!
Final act of the day.
And now there will be a break
whilst the judges deliberate.
- Did I win, Mummy?
- No doubt.
No doubt, my angel.
Can we have a word, please?
Curly Cuddles left his bag
in the village hall.
Tina, did you take this can
of hairspray from it?
No.
We think you did.
Then that you took it on stage.
What do you think you're doing?
You can't interrogate a child.
I'm afraid I must,
Mrs. Simmons,
because Tina was seen
'round the back of the hall
where the hairspray was found.
A residue was found
on the aerosol.
Denatonium benzoate.
It has an unbearably
bitter taste
and so is often used
in nail-biting remedies.
I'll need to swab your
fingernails to see if they match.
This is nonsense.
Of course they won't be a match.
Tell them, Tina.
I did it for you.
What?
She's lying.
I don't even know
why she'd say that!
Tina, I have to ask you,
did you mean to kill him?
Of course she didn't kill him.
Never use hairspray by
a naked flame, you said,
or you'll burn like
a Roman candle.
No.
I can't believe it.
You can't believe
what she's saying.
- She's only 11.
- I'm 14.
This is you.
You're Angela.
Christina would be 11.
Mummy changed my hair,
my clothes and my name.
It's a stage name.
Our tribute to your sister
to keep her alive in our hearts.
The Great Faldini discovered
your secret, didn't he?
He walked in on me.
Well, well, well.
What have we here?
Not so tiny after all,
are we, Tina?
I better go and talk
to the judges.
It'll get you disqualified,
I'm afraid.
Lying about your age.
Please don't.
You're going to win anyway.
- What does it matter?
- Probably.
But you're my only
real competition here.
You could pull out
of the talent contest.
You get to keep your
little secret,
and I get my prize money.
Win, win.
Mummy wouldn't let me.
It's up to you, sweetheart.
You were trapped.
If Terry revealed your age
or if you quit the competition,
the illusion your mother
had created would fall apart.
I just wanted to
make you proud, Mummy.
Make up for Christina's death.
I know you wish it was me
that died instead.
I have never said that.
What will happen to me?
You will be charged with murder
and taken to a young
offenders' facility.
You'll be treated very well,
and your mother
will be able to visit.
I want nothing more
to do with her.
I knew you were wrong
from the minute you were born.
A glass half-empty.
Whereas your sister
It seems the wrong child
did die.
Can I have something to eat?
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
the moment we've all been
waiting for!
In third place
it's the Belles of
Great Slaughter!
In second place,
the Laurence Olivier
of our village,
Tom Thomas!
Well said, Tom.
And finally,
the winner of the 50th
Great Slaughter talent contest
and of the £500 cash prize,
ladies and gentlemen,
is Curly Cuddles!
Oh, thank you, thank you.
I can't
I don't believe it.
Well, thank you,
Great Slaughter.
And good night!
Congratulations
on solving the case.
Two, if you include the Curious
Case of the Invisible Inspector.
- What are you talking about.
- Sergeant?
- Well, let's examine the facts.
- I have an audit to finish.
There's a renegade flock of
sheep blocking the High Street.
We should have
a word with Mr. Cuddles.
Three related events
with one common denominator.
Drinks are on me!
Coulrophobia an
irrational fear of clowns.
It is not irrational.
My parents took me to the circus
when I was age four,
and there was a
Well, an incident.
Why didn't you tell us?
Obviously,
because you'd make fun of me.
Phobias are no laughing
No laughing matter.
A worthy winner.
Have you ever thought
about having a go?
Oh, I fear that would fall
squarely under the sin of pride.
There's luminol
so you can see ♪
Hemoglobin on the scene ♪
If you've got some
fire debris ♪
Use gas chromatography ♪
If blood grouping of ABO ♪
Makes you let somebody go ♪
All your tests are liminal ♪
Use this to catch
the criminal ♪
Trace evidence always
helps us solve the case ♪
Edmund Lowcock said
every contact leaves a trace ♪
Classified, the information's
need-to-know ♪
Magnify the fibers,
hairs, and clothes ♪
And ash and glass
and soil and tools ♪
And marks and fragments,
paint chips, fingerprints ♪
Blood stains
is the pattern shiny ♪
Are the edges spiny? ♪
Is the surface glass or wood
or tile or fabric? ♪
Suspect false documentation ♪
Differentiation ♪
Verify the handwriting's
a match ♪
Bang! Firearms ♪
When used to provide harm ♪
Check for powder on palms ♪
Work out the trajectory
and ammunition ♪
Tool marks, tyre tracks,
and footprints ♪
Impressions left on chintz ♪
Good to take
a plaster mould or two ♪
Hey!
Sister?
Rather a shame, really.