The A-Team (1983) s02e07 Episode Script
The Taxicab Wars
NARRATOR: In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a miIitary court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
CAL: [On radio.]
Lone Star 1, pick up a fare at 2367 DeIaney Street.
He'II be by the warehouse.
This is Lone Star 1, sounds like another setup, man.
Maybe l should call the cops, have them meet you there.
The cops already think we're a bunch of crazies.
Call Kathy and Shelley.
ETA 10 minutes.
CAL: Lone Star 3 and 4, I'm sending one to the aIIey behind 2367 DeIaney Street.
Run on over there and make sure he doesn't have an accident.
ETA 10 minutes.
[Upbeat instrumental music continues.]
You guys ready? Yeah.
We're on Mission Street.
Bring him to us.
STRlKE: Right.
He's alone.
l don't think he works for Love Cabs.
l've never seen him before.
HART: Okay.
l'll pick him up.
Stay there for a minute.
Okay.
Three of you.
Boy, that's service.
We've been having a little trouble with a rival cab company.
-Where to? -2616 Mission.
Hop in.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
lt's okay.
Thanks for the backup.
-So, what kind of trouble? -Nothing we can't handle.
Kind of quiet down here.
What kind of business are you in? Sales rep for an iron works.
Got to pick up some samples.
-Driving out to Modesto tonight.
-Oh, yeah? lt's right up here.
You mind waiting? l'll be right back.
-Run the meter.
-Okay.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Car engine starting.]
[Gripping instrumental music.]
You're down to three cabs.
When are you people gonna learn? Nobody hands me in to the Transportation Commissioner.
And nobody works my neighbourhood unless l let them.
lt's a free country.
lt's a free country, except where my cabs run.
Give Mr.
Hart here a taste of freedom on Mission Street.
Torch the cab.
[Climactic instrumental music.]
[Sirens wailing.]
KATHY: They must've put sand in the gas tank while l was parked outside a hotel.
Look, l told you don't get out of your cab.
Come on, Cal, the fare was a little old lady in a walker.
She needed help inside.
l was only gone for a minute.
The Lone Star Cab Company is out of business, guys.
We're down to two hacks.
Poor Tom's in the hospital for at least a week.
lt's over.
Our little partnership has been dissolved.
We can file this business under ''nice try.
'' lt's just too bad we couldn't locate the A-Team.
l thought l had a line on them, too.
l went to that laundry last night like the guy said.
This old Chinese dude was there.
He said they'd contact us within 48 hours.
Of course, when l mentioned we were broke he seemed to lose some of his interest.
We shouldn't have turned Crane in to that Commission.
He was fixing meters, dealing dope out of his cabs.
He bribed somebody.
He beat the case.
We didn't even sIow him down.
He's got more ex-cons in his garage than they've got at Terminal lsland.
We did the right thing, man.
The guy is a slug, and somebody had to stand up to him.
Yeah.
HANNlBAL: Watch the paint on my new car.
-Harold, you stay in the car.
-Harold? l understand this building is for sale.
l am Clarence Wickersham lll.
HANNlBAL: l own nine buildings on this block.
Yes, sir.
Kind of helps himself, don't he? Yes, l'm fixing to buy the whole block.
You haven't got rats, have you? l can't stand rats.
HANNlBAL: Don't see any here.
l'm gonna put in a shopping mall theatre, bowling alley, skating rink, supermarket.
Well, this is the Lone Star Cab Company? Where are all your taxis, honey? We had six.
But we've been on a run of bad luck.
We're down to two once we get the sand out of our gas lines.
You're a fine-looking woman.
And you got good electricity.
HANNlBAL: Glad to see it.
CAL: Mr.
Wickersham, do you mind? We've been run out of business and we're not in the mood for this.
HANNlBAL: Do you see that ring? HANNlBAL: My daddy gave me that and a business philosophy.
HANNlBAL: l've used that philosophy ever since l sold aluminium siding -out of a truck in Nacogdoches, Texas.
-Spare us.
That philosophy is, if somebody is pushing you you just push back a little harder.
SHELLEY: We're slightly outnumbered here.
Good-looking office.
Outnumbered! There have been times in history when two or three good men could hold off a whole army.
You take Romulus and Remus.
They held off a whole army just because they held on to one little old bridge.
l suppose you can have a competitor who hires ex-cons to drive cabs.
Just like that.
-You don't understand, they rig meters.
-So? They don't care about firebombing our cabs.
l'll take care of them.
Police can't help until we catch him in the act.
We haven't been able to do that.
CAL: We're out of money.
lt's over.
HANNlBAL: You're out of money? CAL: Yeah, money.
l might just be willing to loan you some money for 10%% ownership of your company.
You'd do that? ls it a deal? Yeah.
What have we got to lose? You could lose your life.
My daddy used to say, ''The life without danger ''is just like a house of ill-repute without the naked ladies.
'' CAL: We accept your offer.
HANNlBAL: Good.
Come on in, they're okay.
[Tyres screeching.]
Who are these people? Lady and gentlemen -may l present the A-Team.
-They came.
B.
A.
Baracus Faceman, ''Howling Mad'' Murdock and Amy Allen.
Now, the Lone Star Cab Company is back in business.
-All we have to do is get some cabs to run.
-Right.
Now that Lone Star is out of business l want you to bring the new cabs from the plant in Torrance.
Call Mike, have him recondition the ones we've got now and we'll put those three new ones on the street tonight.
Got it.
CRANE: Who's this? RYDER: Billings.
l knew him in Soledad.
He just got out.
He's looking for work.
CRANE: He knows the score? RYDER: Yeah, l told him.
He knows about the meter scam.
And if we need muscle, he'll play ball.
l mean, he was in for assault and armed robbery.
Okay, Hal, you're in.
lf you get popped you don't talk.
l got contacts on the inside, too.
l'm no punk, Mr.
Crane.
l hold my ground real good.
Put him to work.
STRlKE: Ryder, we want those cabs on the street tonight.
STRlKE: Get out to Torrance, pick them up, and hit the streets.
You got it.
He'll work out.
[Lightly suspenseful instrumental music.]
FACE: l don't know about this, Hannibal.
l just never saw myself driving a taxicab.
l mean as part of the A-Team, l'd like to go to exotic, romantic places.
Tarzana, somehow, just doesn't qualify.
l love Tarzana.
l used to bring my girlfriends here to watch the chimneys on the factories smoke.
Now, l have returned with a secret identity.
l don't know quite what it is yet but l'm sure it will thrill and amaze us all.
How l wish B.
A.
was here to shut you up.
HANNlBAL: He is busy in the paint bay.
Now don't get too close, Amy.
l don't know, Hannibal, stealing these cabs we could get arrested for grand theft auto.
Maybe l could be a dispatcher.
Being a dispatcher wouldn't be as bad as being a driver.
l feel a new identity coming on.
l feel it.
Yes.
From the front seat of his cab with his faithful companions, Hannibal, Faceman, and Amy he will lead this war against injustice.
l have a feeling l'm really gonna hate this one, Murdock.
MURDOCK: comes, fighting for the rights vanquisher of evil.
He's the protector of the innocent and the revenger of the downtrodden.
[Car tires screeching.]
What is that? lt's Captain Cab.
[Racy instrumental music.]
This is Ryder.
We just lost all our cabs.
RYDER: Someone stole them off the truck.
STRlKE: What? We're on Tarzana Street.
They're heading west.
All Love Cabs, this is Strike.
We've been hit.
Three of our new cars have been stolen.
They're heading west on Tarzana Street.
Everybody get over there.
[Tyres screeching.]
[Racy instrumental music continues.]
HANNlBAL: Everything ready, B.
A.
? Yeah, man.
Let's do it.
l am returning to Tarzana to right several wrongs occurring here lately.
Please, Murdock, not now.
You're gonna hate this one, B.
A.
l think he's building up to a mask and a cape.
Yes.
Captain Cab has a secret identity posing as a mild-- Shut the rap, Murdock.
We got work to do.
This is Hal.
l'm heading over to Adams Street.
Nothing so far.
-This is the fast-drying paint, B.
A.
? -lt's the fastest.
veterinarian with the talking puppies, he fights against the forces of evil.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Triumphant instrumental music.]
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
This is Hal.
You won't believe this but there are three new Lone Star cabs down here.
MURDOCK: PeopIe aII over the city Iook to the roads in awe and ask what is happening? The answer is simpIe.
: Captain Cab has returned to Tarzana.
B.
A.
: Hey, Murdock.
You had the last shift in this cab, right? Captain Cab was in this vehicle, sir.
He's gone.
But in his absence.
Let me explain.
Hi, l am Dr.
Vern, veterinarian.
And this, is my talking dog Socki.
[Barking.]
This is my talking fist.
His name is Knock-Out.
-Do you want to hear Knock-Out speak? -No.
All right, we're gonna be sharing this cab but l don't like paper wrappers in my cab.
And l don't like you sticking pencils in the seat.
Everybody does it.
Cabbies all over the world stick their pencils in the seats and in the dashboards of their cars and Captain Cab has a responsibility to live up to those traditions.
You tell Captain Cab if he do it again he and his dog Socki -are gonna meet my talking fist.
-Correction.
That is my dog.
But l will pass it along.
Amy, you got the radio.
B.
A.
, you got the hotels.
-Face, you got the east side.
-Can l have Restaurant Row? Better class of people.
Secretaries on their lunch break, early discotheque crowd.
l was supposed to be on the radio.
Hannibal, l don't have the right clothes for this kind of work.
-Face, what do you got in mind? -Nothing.
HANNlBAL: Murdock, take the east side.
MURDOCK: Great.
[Rasping.]
You may have the east side of town but l suggest you get in touch with your friend, Captain Cab.
Look, l have no connection with this Captain Cab.
l mean, there are those who think we look quite similar.
l, however, see no similarity.
[Grunting.]
HANNlBAL: Let's mount up.
Show those goons that we're still in business.
lt's gonna be dangerous.
Any call you get could be a setup.
l certainly hope so.
[Engine revving powerfully.]
[Tyres screeching.]
l feel like we're letting them fight our battle for us.
Well, you couldn't have picked a better bunch of guys.
AMY: [On radio.]
Lone Star 4, you've got a fare at the YMCA.
YMCA? Now listen, Amy, give that to Captain Cab, will you? l don't do pickups at men's organizations.
Hair salons, fashion boutiques any pIace a pretty girI can be found.
Face, you're the closest.
What's that, Amy? You're fading out.
Okay.
There's a pickup, a Miss Tina Lavell, at Tip Top Casuals.
On my way.
Tina Lavell, sounds good.
HAL: This is Love 20, l'm at the Plaza.
HAL: l got two heading for a Lone Star cab.
What do you want I shouId do? STRlKE: You got anybody with you? HAL: Two other cabs.
CRANE: l want them off the street.
HAL: All right.
HAL: Excuse me, this cab is out of service.
B.
A.
: No, it isn't.
HAL: Yes, it is.
B.
A.
: No, it isn't.
You're a big one, aren't you? To be more to the point, l'm a mean one, sucker.
[Thrilling instrumental music.]
Get in.
B.
A.
: Where are you heading, sir? MAN: The airport, please.
l'm heading eastbound on Century.
He's big.
Get me some help.
Excuse me, would you mind telling me what's going on? -lt's a war.
Us against them.
-War? Yeah.
But don't worry, you're in the winning cab.
[Racy instrumental music.]
Amy, this is B.
A.
l'm heading eastbound on Century Boulevard and l'm being followed.
Hannibal, B.
A.
's in trouble.
He's got a fare on Century.
Three Love Cabs in pursuit.
Sounds perfect.
Face, did you copy that? FACE: Sure did.
HANNlBAL: We'II get there on the doubIe.
-Where are you going? -There's a little trouble over on Century.
l'll let you out if you want.
And lose you? Not on your life, you big hunk.
[Giggling.]
[Exclaiming.]
B.
A.
: Hannibal those fooIs are crashing my car.
HANNlBAL: Keep your shirt on, B.
A.
l'm only a block away.
HANNlBAL: Now l've got one on my tail.
Come on, Face, l need you.
FACE: [On radio.]
Here I come, HannibaI.
[Racy instrumental music continues.]
Hannibal, allow me to present Miss Tina Lavell.
How do you do? -We were just on our way to the Regency.
-Forget the Regency.
l'd like to buy you two dreamboats a drink.
War is hell, Miss Lavell.
Besides, cab drivers never drink.
-So, Hannibal, what now? -Well, l think we've softened them up.
[Engine stalling.]
l know you want to get to the airport, sir, but l'm trying, man.
MAN: We're not riding in this cab! B.
A.
: l'm trying.
-Where to? -The airport.
You know that man is mad.
Little fella, it looks like we didn't make this one.
We'll get there next time.
[Rasping.]
Don't worry, Captain Cab, we're on the trail of right.
[Comical instrumental music.]
Helen, l think next time, we'll just stay in London.
[Patriotic British instrumental music.]
CAL: l wish l'd been there to see it.
How many of their cabs did you guys manage to destroy? lt's not the number of cabs that counts.
lt's the quality of the impression that you make.
Hey, man, we didn't do nothing but lose.
That's the impression that we made.
[Murdock blowing nose.]
lt is fine to sit here and discuss old victories.
But Captain Cab is getting ready to roII and as his trusty canine companion l suggest it's time we deliver our warning.
MURDOCK: For a warning must be delivered first before Captain Cab can seek to avenge injustice.
Hi.
l'm Vern, veterinarian.
Have you seen my old chum, Socki? [B.
A.
growls.]
Never mind.
Are you sure he's okay? l mean, he doesn't seem quite normal.
That sock is telling the truth.
He's absolutely right.
It's time for Mr.
Crane to Iearn his days are numbered.
Amy, you got that info? Crane lives on Crescent View Drive.
The security there is very tight.
lt's gonna be hard to get to him.
We're better off trying to take him at one of his clubs.
He's got a golf membership and he belongs to a tennis club.
No, l think we'd shake him up more if we got him at home.
How are we gonna do that? He wouldn't listen to us.
But l'll bet he'll listen to Clarence Wickersham lll.
FACE: Hannibal, this is really making me nervous.
HANNlBAL: What's the matter? We're taking my brand-new car into a situation where it could get shot up.
l like to take good care of it, Hannibal.
l'm real sentimental.
Don't worry.
lf things get rough, l'll have them shoot around it.
FACE: Very funny.
HANNlBAL: What's that? HANNlBAL: Beaut.
Where'd you get it? FACE: Cal Freeman.
-Pretty.
-No, you don't.
You got B.
A.
's frequency meter? FACE: Hi there.
Yeah? Mr.
Clarence Wickersham lll, from Dallas, Texas, to see Mr.
Crane.
ls he expecting him? l am the new owner of the Lone Star Cab Company.
Don't waste my time, sonny.
Get your boss on the phone.
l don't understand why you had to do this in character.
Unless it's because you haven't had an acting job in a while.
FACE: ls that it? HANNlBAL: No.
lf l can convince Crane there's a new big-money player in the game, he might just pay up.
We've got to give him the opportunity before we take him and his company apart, don't you? Why not? You can go on up.
They're opening the gates.
FACE: Thank you.
Did you get the frequency? FACE: 23.
6.
That's an oddball frequency he's got, but they fit security.
Good.
Get B.
A.
Tell him we're waiting on him.
FACE: B.
A.
, your frequency is 23.
6.
We'll signal you in.
Okay, get out.
You're short on manners, aren't you? Pop, get out.
What's this? l have a heart condition.
Pacemaker.
FACE: Very good.
STRlKE: You came to see Mr.
Crane? You get five minutes.
He's around back.
l've got to take my nephew, Harold.
-He's a little retarded but he is a nurse -Retarded? and a notary public.
lf your boss and l make a deal Harold can make things legal.
FACE: Uncle Clarence-- HANNlBAL: Shut up, Harold.
HANNlBAL: He's a good nurse but he won't eat supper unless he wears his football helmet.
FACE: Football helmet? HANNlBAL: Never should've said it.
HANNlBAL: See what l mean? He wanted to wear it out here today.
[Strike murmuring.]
[Crane clears throat.]
CRANE: Okay, who are you? l am Clarence Wickersham lll and this is my nephew, Harold.
So, what do you want? HANNlBAL: l'm the new owner of the Lone Star Cab Company.
You've been causing us some troubIe.
l don't know what you're talking about.
ls that right? My associates tell me that you are responsible for the destruction of a large number of our taxicabs.
l am here to suggest that you make restitution for those vehicles.
-You are, are you? -Yes, sir, and l've kept a count.
Harold, pay attention.
Give the man the numbers.
Hi, how are you doing? That's $160,000 plus interest, since the date of the accidents of $33,000, for a grand total of $193,000.
l love your suit.
-l'm not paying you a cent.
-l was afraid you'd act like that.
l am a man of fundamentalist upbringing.
l never go to the authorities.
So your faiIure to pay up wiII cost you an equaI number of vehicIes.
A biblical solution, l think you'll agree.
Ryder, Strike teach the Kentucky colonel and his pretty friend -what happens to people who threaten me.
-Pretty friend? Take them to the edge of town and wrap them up in blankets.
[Hannibal gasping and groaning.]
HANNlBAL: Harold! FACE: l got it.
CRANE: What is he doing? What's wrong? FACE: lt's his heart condition.
l need to readjust his pacemaker.
He refuses to have an implant, so l have to tape it to his chest.
B.
A.
: That's it.
Let's go.
CRANE: This is some kind of signalling device.
HANNlBAL: Well, now, Harold did you tape the wrong device to my chest? No wonder l've been feeling poorly.
Get them out of here.
Drop them or you're dead.
HANNlBAL: You want a deal, call me in an hour.
lf you don't, you better watch what streets you drive because the Lone Star Cab Company is going on the warpath.
We're not taking any prisoners.
How could you bums let them get in here? This is garbage.
RYDER: l don't know.
They had the front gate frequency.
How could they get the front gate frequency? lt's reset every day.
RYDER: l don't know.
Okay, okay.
lf this guy wants a war, he's gonna get a war.
[Tense instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: You know something, Face? HANNlBAL: lt's hard to make a living in this town.
Where's Vern, the veterinarian? Vern and Socki decided to stay home.
B.
A.
: Murdock, let's go, man.
It's time to roII.
Hi, guys.
What's in the bag? MURDOCK: Nothing but personal belongings.
Now, B.
A.
! He's got a cape and a mask in here, Hannibal.
This fool is gonna drive around with a cape and mask on.
MURDOCK: B.
A.
, l want that back.
No cowl, Murdock? You were gonna do Captain Cab without a cowl? Hannibal, l wanted a cowl.
l really did.
l just couldn't figure out how to make it.
You shouldn't encourage him, Hannibal.
He's getting worse.
Now, get out of here, Murdock.
lf l catch you wearing a sheet around your neck or talking to your socks l'm gonna split your personality permanently! Captain, you're gonna have to do this mission without a cowl.
Right, Colonel.
[Heroic instrumental music.]
Fool's cutting out sheets.
-l just hope it works.
-Don't worry, Amy.
lt'll work.
All Hannibal has to do is lead them back here, and we'll do the rest.
Come on, y'all, we got work to do.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
Lone Star 2, how's it going out there? lt's quiet out here.
Too quiet.
l always wanted to say that.
[Chuckling.]
Murdock, this is Lone Star 1 .
You got your ears on? Murdock here.
l'm with you, Hannibal.
Okay, you know where to go and what to do.
You got it.
A big 10-4.
[Adventurous instrumental music continues.]
We'll give it a few more minutes and go on in.
l don't know, Hannibal.
l have this strange feeling Murdock is out there somewhere, cutting up sheets, talking to his socks.
Face, don't tell me that B.
A.
got to you.
l'd risk my life with Murdock any day.
He's solid.
-He's just a little different.
-Different? [Playful instrumental music.]
DlSPATCHER: Love Cab Company dispatch.
HANNlBAL: This is Clarence Wickersham lll.
DlSPATCHER: HoId on.
[Phone buzzing.]
Yeah? l hope that you have the money ready that we discussed.
l don't know what you're talking about.
You're not getting anything from me.
Well, then l assume our negotiations are concluded? That's right.
HANNlBAL: Then I might Ieave you with this IittIe story.
There was an old brown fox that used to sneak into a barn and steal chickens.
Every night he'd go sneaking in there and steal a chicken.
-l don't have time for this.
-Then one night he sneaks into the barn and gets his chicken but the barn catches fire.
Now, he runs this way and that but finally he is consumed by the flames.
The point of the story, Mr.
Crane, is this.
Stealing chickens ain't hard.
When the place is on fire, getting out of the barn is what counts.
lt's time to knock over Mr.
Crane's henhouse.
HANNlBAL: This is Lone Star 1 .
l'm going in.
AMY: Good hunting.
AMY: Face? Lone Star 2.
l'm on his wing.
Out.
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
You're going out there.
Anything with a black star, l want put out of commission.
l've had it.
l'm doing this one personally.
Give me that.
Strike, get in the car.
[Tense instrumental music.]
Where are you? Captain Cab will not be daunted.
[Exclaiming.]
[Exclaiming happily.]
MURDOCK: lt is simply another talent that Captain Cab hasn't learned yet.
[Rasping.]
That's $193,000, chum.
Count it carefully.
[Exclaiming mockingly.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Why is that maniac shooting up his own cab? Because, Hannibal, he thinks they belong to Clarence Wickersham.
lsn't that beautiful? [Racy instrumental music.]
Get us out of here.
All right, everybody out of there.
Drop your weapons on the ground.
HANNlBAL: Hands behind your heads.
Don't be foolish! You can't get away with anything.
Not with Captain Cab on the job.
-Did you get the cash, Murdock? -lt's in the car.
Somebody call the cops.
You're out of business, Mr.
Crane.
Last time l heard, it was against the law to bust into somebody's garage and try to kill everybody.
B.
A.
: Let's tie them up, man.
l didn't want it anyway.
Didn't make it out of the barn, did you, sonny? [Triumphant instrumental music.]
The quarterly statements will be sent to this mail drop every three months along with our percent of profits.
All right with you? Sounds fine.
Okay with you, Cal? Are you kidding? That's terrific.
Look, l'll send the statements.
B.
A.
: Come on, man, let's go.
Let's cut the rap? Come on.
Good luck to you.
Hannibal, thanks for everything.
l got to get rolling.
See you.
-Hi there.
-Hi.
Look, if l have any trouble with the statements why don't l just call you? Why don't you? -l will.
-Okay.
[Car horn honking.]
Let them wait.
Forever.
[Soft instrumental music.]
MURDOCK: l, for one, think that this turned out pretty darn well.
MURDOCK: lt's not easy being a talking sock.
MURDOCK: We're often abused, forced to live inside old smelly boots.
MURDOCK: But l have found new friends.
MURDOCK: Vern and Captain Cab are nice, but l've decided to switch orders to become the companion of this big, angry, mud-sucker named B.
A along with his talking fist, Knock-Out, and the A-Team.
MURDOCK: l will continue to fight crime wherever l find it.
MURDOCK: And l'll trample the sock abuse throughout the world.
MURDOCK: Where is that big, angry, mud-sucker? Here he comes now.
MURDOCK: l can hear his gold rattling.
Watch out! B.
A.
: There's a fool.
[Theme music.]
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
CAL: [On radio.]
Lone Star 1, pick up a fare at 2367 DeIaney Street.
He'II be by the warehouse.
This is Lone Star 1, sounds like another setup, man.
Maybe l should call the cops, have them meet you there.
The cops already think we're a bunch of crazies.
Call Kathy and Shelley.
ETA 10 minutes.
CAL: Lone Star 3 and 4, I'm sending one to the aIIey behind 2367 DeIaney Street.
Run on over there and make sure he doesn't have an accident.
ETA 10 minutes.
[Upbeat instrumental music continues.]
You guys ready? Yeah.
We're on Mission Street.
Bring him to us.
STRlKE: Right.
He's alone.
l don't think he works for Love Cabs.
l've never seen him before.
HART: Okay.
l'll pick him up.
Stay there for a minute.
Okay.
Three of you.
Boy, that's service.
We've been having a little trouble with a rival cab company.
-Where to? -2616 Mission.
Hop in.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
lt's okay.
Thanks for the backup.
-So, what kind of trouble? -Nothing we can't handle.
Kind of quiet down here.
What kind of business are you in? Sales rep for an iron works.
Got to pick up some samples.
-Driving out to Modesto tonight.
-Oh, yeah? lt's right up here.
You mind waiting? l'll be right back.
-Run the meter.
-Okay.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Car engine starting.]
[Gripping instrumental music.]
You're down to three cabs.
When are you people gonna learn? Nobody hands me in to the Transportation Commissioner.
And nobody works my neighbourhood unless l let them.
lt's a free country.
lt's a free country, except where my cabs run.
Give Mr.
Hart here a taste of freedom on Mission Street.
Torch the cab.
[Climactic instrumental music.]
[Sirens wailing.]
KATHY: They must've put sand in the gas tank while l was parked outside a hotel.
Look, l told you don't get out of your cab.
Come on, Cal, the fare was a little old lady in a walker.
She needed help inside.
l was only gone for a minute.
The Lone Star Cab Company is out of business, guys.
We're down to two hacks.
Poor Tom's in the hospital for at least a week.
lt's over.
Our little partnership has been dissolved.
We can file this business under ''nice try.
'' lt's just too bad we couldn't locate the A-Team.
l thought l had a line on them, too.
l went to that laundry last night like the guy said.
This old Chinese dude was there.
He said they'd contact us within 48 hours.
Of course, when l mentioned we were broke he seemed to lose some of his interest.
We shouldn't have turned Crane in to that Commission.
He was fixing meters, dealing dope out of his cabs.
He bribed somebody.
He beat the case.
We didn't even sIow him down.
He's got more ex-cons in his garage than they've got at Terminal lsland.
We did the right thing, man.
The guy is a slug, and somebody had to stand up to him.
Yeah.
HANNlBAL: Watch the paint on my new car.
-Harold, you stay in the car.
-Harold? l understand this building is for sale.
l am Clarence Wickersham lll.
HANNlBAL: l own nine buildings on this block.
Yes, sir.
Kind of helps himself, don't he? Yes, l'm fixing to buy the whole block.
You haven't got rats, have you? l can't stand rats.
HANNlBAL: Don't see any here.
l'm gonna put in a shopping mall theatre, bowling alley, skating rink, supermarket.
Well, this is the Lone Star Cab Company? Where are all your taxis, honey? We had six.
But we've been on a run of bad luck.
We're down to two once we get the sand out of our gas lines.
You're a fine-looking woman.
And you got good electricity.
HANNlBAL: Glad to see it.
CAL: Mr.
Wickersham, do you mind? We've been run out of business and we're not in the mood for this.
HANNlBAL: Do you see that ring? HANNlBAL: My daddy gave me that and a business philosophy.
HANNlBAL: l've used that philosophy ever since l sold aluminium siding -out of a truck in Nacogdoches, Texas.
-Spare us.
That philosophy is, if somebody is pushing you you just push back a little harder.
SHELLEY: We're slightly outnumbered here.
Good-looking office.
Outnumbered! There have been times in history when two or three good men could hold off a whole army.
You take Romulus and Remus.
They held off a whole army just because they held on to one little old bridge.
l suppose you can have a competitor who hires ex-cons to drive cabs.
Just like that.
-You don't understand, they rig meters.
-So? They don't care about firebombing our cabs.
l'll take care of them.
Police can't help until we catch him in the act.
We haven't been able to do that.
CAL: We're out of money.
lt's over.
HANNlBAL: You're out of money? CAL: Yeah, money.
l might just be willing to loan you some money for 10%% ownership of your company.
You'd do that? ls it a deal? Yeah.
What have we got to lose? You could lose your life.
My daddy used to say, ''The life without danger ''is just like a house of ill-repute without the naked ladies.
'' CAL: We accept your offer.
HANNlBAL: Good.
Come on in, they're okay.
[Tyres screeching.]
Who are these people? Lady and gentlemen -may l present the A-Team.
-They came.
B.
A.
Baracus Faceman, ''Howling Mad'' Murdock and Amy Allen.
Now, the Lone Star Cab Company is back in business.
-All we have to do is get some cabs to run.
-Right.
Now that Lone Star is out of business l want you to bring the new cabs from the plant in Torrance.
Call Mike, have him recondition the ones we've got now and we'll put those three new ones on the street tonight.
Got it.
CRANE: Who's this? RYDER: Billings.
l knew him in Soledad.
He just got out.
He's looking for work.
CRANE: He knows the score? RYDER: Yeah, l told him.
He knows about the meter scam.
And if we need muscle, he'll play ball.
l mean, he was in for assault and armed robbery.
Okay, Hal, you're in.
lf you get popped you don't talk.
l got contacts on the inside, too.
l'm no punk, Mr.
Crane.
l hold my ground real good.
Put him to work.
STRlKE: Ryder, we want those cabs on the street tonight.
STRlKE: Get out to Torrance, pick them up, and hit the streets.
You got it.
He'll work out.
[Lightly suspenseful instrumental music.]
FACE: l don't know about this, Hannibal.
l just never saw myself driving a taxicab.
l mean as part of the A-Team, l'd like to go to exotic, romantic places.
Tarzana, somehow, just doesn't qualify.
l love Tarzana.
l used to bring my girlfriends here to watch the chimneys on the factories smoke.
Now, l have returned with a secret identity.
l don't know quite what it is yet but l'm sure it will thrill and amaze us all.
How l wish B.
A.
was here to shut you up.
HANNlBAL: He is busy in the paint bay.
Now don't get too close, Amy.
l don't know, Hannibal, stealing these cabs we could get arrested for grand theft auto.
Maybe l could be a dispatcher.
Being a dispatcher wouldn't be as bad as being a driver.
l feel a new identity coming on.
l feel it.
Yes.
From the front seat of his cab with his faithful companions, Hannibal, Faceman, and Amy he will lead this war against injustice.
l have a feeling l'm really gonna hate this one, Murdock.
MURDOCK: comes, fighting for the rights vanquisher of evil.
He's the protector of the innocent and the revenger of the downtrodden.
[Car tires screeching.]
What is that? lt's Captain Cab.
[Racy instrumental music.]
This is Ryder.
We just lost all our cabs.
RYDER: Someone stole them off the truck.
STRlKE: What? We're on Tarzana Street.
They're heading west.
All Love Cabs, this is Strike.
We've been hit.
Three of our new cars have been stolen.
They're heading west on Tarzana Street.
Everybody get over there.
[Tyres screeching.]
[Racy instrumental music continues.]
HANNlBAL: Everything ready, B.
A.
? Yeah, man.
Let's do it.
l am returning to Tarzana to right several wrongs occurring here lately.
Please, Murdock, not now.
You're gonna hate this one, B.
A.
l think he's building up to a mask and a cape.
Yes.
Captain Cab has a secret identity posing as a mild-- Shut the rap, Murdock.
We got work to do.
This is Hal.
l'm heading over to Adams Street.
Nothing so far.
-This is the fast-drying paint, B.
A.
? -lt's the fastest.
veterinarian with the talking puppies, he fights against the forces of evil.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Triumphant instrumental music.]
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
This is Hal.
You won't believe this but there are three new Lone Star cabs down here.
MURDOCK: PeopIe aII over the city Iook to the roads in awe and ask what is happening? The answer is simpIe.
: Captain Cab has returned to Tarzana.
B.
A.
: Hey, Murdock.
You had the last shift in this cab, right? Captain Cab was in this vehicle, sir.
He's gone.
But in his absence.
Let me explain.
Hi, l am Dr.
Vern, veterinarian.
And this, is my talking dog Socki.
[Barking.]
This is my talking fist.
His name is Knock-Out.
-Do you want to hear Knock-Out speak? -No.
All right, we're gonna be sharing this cab but l don't like paper wrappers in my cab.
And l don't like you sticking pencils in the seat.
Everybody does it.
Cabbies all over the world stick their pencils in the seats and in the dashboards of their cars and Captain Cab has a responsibility to live up to those traditions.
You tell Captain Cab if he do it again he and his dog Socki -are gonna meet my talking fist.
-Correction.
That is my dog.
But l will pass it along.
Amy, you got the radio.
B.
A.
, you got the hotels.
-Face, you got the east side.
-Can l have Restaurant Row? Better class of people.
Secretaries on their lunch break, early discotheque crowd.
l was supposed to be on the radio.
Hannibal, l don't have the right clothes for this kind of work.
-Face, what do you got in mind? -Nothing.
HANNlBAL: Murdock, take the east side.
MURDOCK: Great.
[Rasping.]
You may have the east side of town but l suggest you get in touch with your friend, Captain Cab.
Look, l have no connection with this Captain Cab.
l mean, there are those who think we look quite similar.
l, however, see no similarity.
[Grunting.]
HANNlBAL: Let's mount up.
Show those goons that we're still in business.
lt's gonna be dangerous.
Any call you get could be a setup.
l certainly hope so.
[Engine revving powerfully.]
[Tyres screeching.]
l feel like we're letting them fight our battle for us.
Well, you couldn't have picked a better bunch of guys.
AMY: [On radio.]
Lone Star 4, you've got a fare at the YMCA.
YMCA? Now listen, Amy, give that to Captain Cab, will you? l don't do pickups at men's organizations.
Hair salons, fashion boutiques any pIace a pretty girI can be found.
Face, you're the closest.
What's that, Amy? You're fading out.
Okay.
There's a pickup, a Miss Tina Lavell, at Tip Top Casuals.
On my way.
Tina Lavell, sounds good.
HAL: This is Love 20, l'm at the Plaza.
HAL: l got two heading for a Lone Star cab.
What do you want I shouId do? STRlKE: You got anybody with you? HAL: Two other cabs.
CRANE: l want them off the street.
HAL: All right.
HAL: Excuse me, this cab is out of service.
B.
A.
: No, it isn't.
HAL: Yes, it is.
B.
A.
: No, it isn't.
You're a big one, aren't you? To be more to the point, l'm a mean one, sucker.
[Thrilling instrumental music.]
Get in.
B.
A.
: Where are you heading, sir? MAN: The airport, please.
l'm heading eastbound on Century.
He's big.
Get me some help.
Excuse me, would you mind telling me what's going on? -lt's a war.
Us against them.
-War? Yeah.
But don't worry, you're in the winning cab.
[Racy instrumental music.]
Amy, this is B.
A.
l'm heading eastbound on Century Boulevard and l'm being followed.
Hannibal, B.
A.
's in trouble.
He's got a fare on Century.
Three Love Cabs in pursuit.
Sounds perfect.
Face, did you copy that? FACE: Sure did.
HANNlBAL: We'II get there on the doubIe.
-Where are you going? -There's a little trouble over on Century.
l'll let you out if you want.
And lose you? Not on your life, you big hunk.
[Giggling.]
[Exclaiming.]
B.
A.
: Hannibal those fooIs are crashing my car.
HANNlBAL: Keep your shirt on, B.
A.
l'm only a block away.
HANNlBAL: Now l've got one on my tail.
Come on, Face, l need you.
FACE: [On radio.]
Here I come, HannibaI.
[Racy instrumental music continues.]
Hannibal, allow me to present Miss Tina Lavell.
How do you do? -We were just on our way to the Regency.
-Forget the Regency.
l'd like to buy you two dreamboats a drink.
War is hell, Miss Lavell.
Besides, cab drivers never drink.
-So, Hannibal, what now? -Well, l think we've softened them up.
[Engine stalling.]
l know you want to get to the airport, sir, but l'm trying, man.
MAN: We're not riding in this cab! B.
A.
: l'm trying.
-Where to? -The airport.
You know that man is mad.
Little fella, it looks like we didn't make this one.
We'll get there next time.
[Rasping.]
Don't worry, Captain Cab, we're on the trail of right.
[Comical instrumental music.]
Helen, l think next time, we'll just stay in London.
[Patriotic British instrumental music.]
CAL: l wish l'd been there to see it.
How many of their cabs did you guys manage to destroy? lt's not the number of cabs that counts.
lt's the quality of the impression that you make.
Hey, man, we didn't do nothing but lose.
That's the impression that we made.
[Murdock blowing nose.]
lt is fine to sit here and discuss old victories.
But Captain Cab is getting ready to roII and as his trusty canine companion l suggest it's time we deliver our warning.
MURDOCK: For a warning must be delivered first before Captain Cab can seek to avenge injustice.
Hi.
l'm Vern, veterinarian.
Have you seen my old chum, Socki? [B.
A.
growls.]
Never mind.
Are you sure he's okay? l mean, he doesn't seem quite normal.
That sock is telling the truth.
He's absolutely right.
It's time for Mr.
Crane to Iearn his days are numbered.
Amy, you got that info? Crane lives on Crescent View Drive.
The security there is very tight.
lt's gonna be hard to get to him.
We're better off trying to take him at one of his clubs.
He's got a golf membership and he belongs to a tennis club.
No, l think we'd shake him up more if we got him at home.
How are we gonna do that? He wouldn't listen to us.
But l'll bet he'll listen to Clarence Wickersham lll.
FACE: Hannibal, this is really making me nervous.
HANNlBAL: What's the matter? We're taking my brand-new car into a situation where it could get shot up.
l like to take good care of it, Hannibal.
l'm real sentimental.
Don't worry.
lf things get rough, l'll have them shoot around it.
FACE: Very funny.
HANNlBAL: What's that? HANNlBAL: Beaut.
Where'd you get it? FACE: Cal Freeman.
-Pretty.
-No, you don't.
You got B.
A.
's frequency meter? FACE: Hi there.
Yeah? Mr.
Clarence Wickersham lll, from Dallas, Texas, to see Mr.
Crane.
ls he expecting him? l am the new owner of the Lone Star Cab Company.
Don't waste my time, sonny.
Get your boss on the phone.
l don't understand why you had to do this in character.
Unless it's because you haven't had an acting job in a while.
FACE: ls that it? HANNlBAL: No.
lf l can convince Crane there's a new big-money player in the game, he might just pay up.
We've got to give him the opportunity before we take him and his company apart, don't you? Why not? You can go on up.
They're opening the gates.
FACE: Thank you.
Did you get the frequency? FACE: 23.
6.
That's an oddball frequency he's got, but they fit security.
Good.
Get B.
A.
Tell him we're waiting on him.
FACE: B.
A.
, your frequency is 23.
6.
We'll signal you in.
Okay, get out.
You're short on manners, aren't you? Pop, get out.
What's this? l have a heart condition.
Pacemaker.
FACE: Very good.
STRlKE: You came to see Mr.
Crane? You get five minutes.
He's around back.
l've got to take my nephew, Harold.
-He's a little retarded but he is a nurse -Retarded? and a notary public.
lf your boss and l make a deal Harold can make things legal.
FACE: Uncle Clarence-- HANNlBAL: Shut up, Harold.
HANNlBAL: He's a good nurse but he won't eat supper unless he wears his football helmet.
FACE: Football helmet? HANNlBAL: Never should've said it.
HANNlBAL: See what l mean? He wanted to wear it out here today.
[Strike murmuring.]
[Crane clears throat.]
CRANE: Okay, who are you? l am Clarence Wickersham lll and this is my nephew, Harold.
So, what do you want? HANNlBAL: l'm the new owner of the Lone Star Cab Company.
You've been causing us some troubIe.
l don't know what you're talking about.
ls that right? My associates tell me that you are responsible for the destruction of a large number of our taxicabs.
l am here to suggest that you make restitution for those vehicles.
-You are, are you? -Yes, sir, and l've kept a count.
Harold, pay attention.
Give the man the numbers.
Hi, how are you doing? That's $160,000 plus interest, since the date of the accidents of $33,000, for a grand total of $193,000.
l love your suit.
-l'm not paying you a cent.
-l was afraid you'd act like that.
l am a man of fundamentalist upbringing.
l never go to the authorities.
So your faiIure to pay up wiII cost you an equaI number of vehicIes.
A biblical solution, l think you'll agree.
Ryder, Strike teach the Kentucky colonel and his pretty friend -what happens to people who threaten me.
-Pretty friend? Take them to the edge of town and wrap them up in blankets.
[Hannibal gasping and groaning.]
HANNlBAL: Harold! FACE: l got it.
CRANE: What is he doing? What's wrong? FACE: lt's his heart condition.
l need to readjust his pacemaker.
He refuses to have an implant, so l have to tape it to his chest.
B.
A.
: That's it.
Let's go.
CRANE: This is some kind of signalling device.
HANNlBAL: Well, now, Harold did you tape the wrong device to my chest? No wonder l've been feeling poorly.
Get them out of here.
Drop them or you're dead.
HANNlBAL: You want a deal, call me in an hour.
lf you don't, you better watch what streets you drive because the Lone Star Cab Company is going on the warpath.
We're not taking any prisoners.
How could you bums let them get in here? This is garbage.
RYDER: l don't know.
They had the front gate frequency.
How could they get the front gate frequency? lt's reset every day.
RYDER: l don't know.
Okay, okay.
lf this guy wants a war, he's gonna get a war.
[Tense instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: You know something, Face? HANNlBAL: lt's hard to make a living in this town.
Where's Vern, the veterinarian? Vern and Socki decided to stay home.
B.
A.
: Murdock, let's go, man.
It's time to roII.
Hi, guys.
What's in the bag? MURDOCK: Nothing but personal belongings.
Now, B.
A.
! He's got a cape and a mask in here, Hannibal.
This fool is gonna drive around with a cape and mask on.
MURDOCK: B.
A.
, l want that back.
No cowl, Murdock? You were gonna do Captain Cab without a cowl? Hannibal, l wanted a cowl.
l really did.
l just couldn't figure out how to make it.
You shouldn't encourage him, Hannibal.
He's getting worse.
Now, get out of here, Murdock.
lf l catch you wearing a sheet around your neck or talking to your socks l'm gonna split your personality permanently! Captain, you're gonna have to do this mission without a cowl.
Right, Colonel.
[Heroic instrumental music.]
Fool's cutting out sheets.
-l just hope it works.
-Don't worry, Amy.
lt'll work.
All Hannibal has to do is lead them back here, and we'll do the rest.
Come on, y'all, we got work to do.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
Lone Star 2, how's it going out there? lt's quiet out here.
Too quiet.
l always wanted to say that.
[Chuckling.]
Murdock, this is Lone Star 1 .
You got your ears on? Murdock here.
l'm with you, Hannibal.
Okay, you know where to go and what to do.
You got it.
A big 10-4.
[Adventurous instrumental music continues.]
We'll give it a few more minutes and go on in.
l don't know, Hannibal.
l have this strange feeling Murdock is out there somewhere, cutting up sheets, talking to his socks.
Face, don't tell me that B.
A.
got to you.
l'd risk my life with Murdock any day.
He's solid.
-He's just a little different.
-Different? [Playful instrumental music.]
DlSPATCHER: Love Cab Company dispatch.
HANNlBAL: This is Clarence Wickersham lll.
DlSPATCHER: HoId on.
[Phone buzzing.]
Yeah? l hope that you have the money ready that we discussed.
l don't know what you're talking about.
You're not getting anything from me.
Well, then l assume our negotiations are concluded? That's right.
HANNlBAL: Then I might Ieave you with this IittIe story.
There was an old brown fox that used to sneak into a barn and steal chickens.
Every night he'd go sneaking in there and steal a chicken.
-l don't have time for this.
-Then one night he sneaks into the barn and gets his chicken but the barn catches fire.
Now, he runs this way and that but finally he is consumed by the flames.
The point of the story, Mr.
Crane, is this.
Stealing chickens ain't hard.
When the place is on fire, getting out of the barn is what counts.
lt's time to knock over Mr.
Crane's henhouse.
HANNlBAL: This is Lone Star 1 .
l'm going in.
AMY: Good hunting.
AMY: Face? Lone Star 2.
l'm on his wing.
Out.
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
You're going out there.
Anything with a black star, l want put out of commission.
l've had it.
l'm doing this one personally.
Give me that.
Strike, get in the car.
[Tense instrumental music.]
Where are you? Captain Cab will not be daunted.
[Exclaiming.]
[Exclaiming happily.]
MURDOCK: lt is simply another talent that Captain Cab hasn't learned yet.
[Rasping.]
That's $193,000, chum.
Count it carefully.
[Exclaiming mockingly.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Why is that maniac shooting up his own cab? Because, Hannibal, he thinks they belong to Clarence Wickersham.
lsn't that beautiful? [Racy instrumental music.]
Get us out of here.
All right, everybody out of there.
Drop your weapons on the ground.
HANNlBAL: Hands behind your heads.
Don't be foolish! You can't get away with anything.
Not with Captain Cab on the job.
-Did you get the cash, Murdock? -lt's in the car.
Somebody call the cops.
You're out of business, Mr.
Crane.
Last time l heard, it was against the law to bust into somebody's garage and try to kill everybody.
B.
A.
: Let's tie them up, man.
l didn't want it anyway.
Didn't make it out of the barn, did you, sonny? [Triumphant instrumental music.]
The quarterly statements will be sent to this mail drop every three months along with our percent of profits.
All right with you? Sounds fine.
Okay with you, Cal? Are you kidding? That's terrific.
Look, l'll send the statements.
B.
A.
: Come on, man, let's go.
Let's cut the rap? Come on.
Good luck to you.
Hannibal, thanks for everything.
l got to get rolling.
See you.
-Hi there.
-Hi.
Look, if l have any trouble with the statements why don't l just call you? Why don't you? -l will.
-Okay.
[Car horn honking.]
Let them wait.
Forever.
[Soft instrumental music.]
MURDOCK: l, for one, think that this turned out pretty darn well.
MURDOCK: lt's not easy being a talking sock.
MURDOCK: We're often abused, forced to live inside old smelly boots.
MURDOCK: But l have found new friends.
MURDOCK: Vern and Captain Cab are nice, but l've decided to switch orders to become the companion of this big, angry, mud-sucker named B.
A along with his talking fist, Knock-Out, and the A-Team.
MURDOCK: l will continue to fight crime wherever l find it.
MURDOCK: And l'll trample the sock abuse throughout the world.
MURDOCK: Where is that big, angry, mud-sucker? Here he comes now.
MURDOCK: l can hear his gold rattling.
Watch out! B.
A.
: There's a fool.
[Theme music.]