The Last Kids on Earth (2019) s02e07 Episode Script

1
[zombies moaning]
[Quint] Ha!
Ha! Seven zombies bobbed.
Beat that, June!
Hmm. Not bad, Quint.
But I can top it!
[rock music playing on stereo]
[zombies moaning]
-One!
-[Jack] June!
-Two!
-[Jack] Be gentle!
Three!
Four!
Nice strategy, but the music
is not loud enough to attract zombies.
[Dirk] Especially with so few
left in Wakefield.
That wasn't my strategy.
[whistles]
[Rover yelps, pants]
Ha! This is my strategy.
-Whoo-hoo!
-Isn't that like cheating?
[Jack] It's OK. We're trying
to cheer her up, remember?
[zombies moaning]
And you, and you,
and you're adorable.
[growls]
-Oh, and especially you!
-[zombie growls]
Nice dress.
Ha! Eight!
-Cheers!
-Prost!
And now for my victory dance.
-Oh, yeah, uh-huh.
-[Rover whimpers]
[scatting]
[screeching]
We're here!
What do you mean here?
We were going somewhere?
Yeah, June, here.
Your house!
My house?
[all] Surprise!
[camera clicks]
[Jack] Ooh, good surprised face.
[theme music playing]
[dings]
[all scream]
Guys, why did you bring me back
to my house?
You said you wanted to be home again.
Uh, yeah, as in before the world
turned upside down.
OK, I'm missing something.
Yes, you are!
You didn't think that this place
might bring back a lot of memories?
Memories of everything
that's totally gone now?
Uh, no, I thought you'd like it.
I know.
Thank you, kind of, I suppose.
-[hammering]
-I just
Hey! What are you doing?
Getting the door open.
It appears to be locked.
Ah, man, it's all scuffed up now.
Yeah, it's the eyesore
of the neighborhood.
-[debris thuds]
-[June sighs]
Well, as long as we're here,
I guess there are a few things
I could get.
Hey, hey. [laughs]
Two floors and a staircase?
Ho ho ho, la-ti-da.
Fancy pants. [laughs]
Hey! Wipe your feet!
[Jack] Oh, man!
I'm in June's house!
I can't believe it!
I'm in June's house!
It's so June-y.
This is the first time
I've lived away from home.
Look at all the metal.
I could assemble a new drone in no time!
And Ooh.
Excellently insulated cording.
Whoa! Hands off the TV!
It won't work if you yank out the cord.
It won't work anyway. No power.
Well, just leave it alone then.
But wait.
Jack said part of this mission
was to gather necessities.
What? Necessities?
From my house?
Yeah, stuff we all need.
And one special super necessity!
Got some necessities! [laughs]
They're like sais.
[grunts]
-Ah!
-[breaks]
-[June] Argh!
-My bad.
Come on, Dirk.
Let's investigate the kitchen.
June, I brought you here
for something special.
-Look.
-[gasps]
My record player!
-Oh, but
-[clicking]
A portable generator, madam,
for all your post-apocalyptic music needs.
Courtesy of QuintCo
portable power solutions.
Wow. Thanks.
I know exactly what I want to listen to.
It's right
Here!
"Petey Pete and the Ding Dongs"?
-[un-hip music plays]
-Whoops.
-[music stops]
-[record shatters]
A-ha! Here's the one!
Wait! Loud music, zombie beacon.
[rock music playing over headphones]
[gasps] Oh.
[Dad] Uh-oh.
[chuckles] Somebody's growing fast.
[giggles]
[rock music continues playing
over headphones]
Whoa, a dishwasher?
This is like the White House.
Less sightseeing and more metal-finding,
if you please,
preferably things June won't miss.
[grunts]
How's this?
Hmm, pretty good.
Carry on.
Huh. Wow.
[singing]
Another trip across the town ♪
[humming]
[giggles]
-[Mom] Gotcha!
-[giggles]
[sighs]
Ah! Toaster.
Mmm. Toaster oven!
Ya!
Oven oven!
[Quint and Dirk laugh]
[rock music continues playing
over headphones]
[Mom] Warm tasty chocolate chip cookies
for my little June Bug.
Mmm.
[clattering]
Hey!
[rock music playing loudly]
-[music audible outside]
-[zombies growling]
-[Quint] Whoo-hoo!
-Guys!
I told you not to touch anything!
Hey! Where's my fridge handle?
[gasps, pants]
[music stops]
-[Jack panting]
-Phew!
What happened?
[zombies moaning]
Great! Twenty zombies left in Wakefield
and they're surrounding my house!
[growling]
And we just bopped them in the head,
so they're probably rather upset!
[growls]
[Quint and Dirk screaming]
[growls]
Dirk! That's our toaster!
Which I used to save your Quint!
[zombie growling]
We gotta board this place up!
With what?
Huh! This is a start!
Ugh!
Hey! Find something else to destroy.
[Jack] There's no time to be picky!
Sorry, June!
We need more wood!
-Here!
-Not my
-[growling]
-Ugh!
Chair.
[zombie moaning]
Ugh. Give me that.
[staple gun thwacks]
[zombies moaning]
Let's get out of here!
-[growling]
-Or not!
Everyone! Upstairs!
They're gonna destroy everything!
[gasps] My record player!
[Jack and June] Aah!
I'll get the player!
It's my turn to play Bop the Zombie.
[zombies moaning]
Uhh! And, uh, one and two!
Ha!
[growling]
And three! Four!
And five!
Ha ha!
-[squeaking]
-[zombies growling]
Six, seven, eight.
Ha! Feat complete!
Oh, no!
[zombies moaning]
And nine!
[zombies growling]
[panting]
-Ah!
-Huh!
Dude! What was that?
A zombie-bopping record!
OK, pretty impressive.
Really? Cool!
Here, June.
Um, thanks, Jack.
You're welcome.
-[zombies growling]
-[Dirk gasps]
[Dirk] This won't hold 'em for long!
All right, guys, we gotta move!
June's room!
No!
We're not destroying
any more of my house,
and we're definitely
not destroying my room!
Ah, come on, June Bug.
Please do not call me that.
June, I hate to tell you this,
but your house
is gonna be destroyed anyway.
Jack!
Not because of us or the zombies.
Look around.
This joint is totally infested
with termites.
What?!
I'm afraid those aren't termites, friend.
[snarling]
[all scream]
[growling]
Ugh! Hey, Bug Eyes! Eat this!
Hi-ya!
Ah! It's an antique.
[Dirk] Not anymore.
[snarling]
[June] Ah!
Oh, dear.
[screams]
Ah! Mom's vase!
-Ah!
-Hey, Bug Breath!
Ah! Ugh!
[grunts]
[gasps]
Ah!
Aaah!
Stop dodging, you stupid bug!
Uhh, uhh, uhh!
Ah! Mom's vase!
[snarling]
Argh, fine!
Everyone in my room!
-Jack!
-Thanks, Quint!
[monster snarling]
-[zombies growling]
-Ya!
[panting]
[growls]
[pants]
[snarls]
Whoooooa.
[heavenly sound]
[snaps] Yo, Jack, what are you doing?
Terrence McClintlock? Really?
[laugh]
Well, I'd like to see your rooms.
[all laughing]
-Ah! Tentacle!
-Ah!
Huh! Ha!
Ha ha!
Couldn't dodge that time, sucker!
[screams]
[gags, coughs]
Get 'em off! Get 'em off!
[Jack panting]
What do we do?
Even if we could fight
past that bug creature,
we'd be right back in Zombie Central!
Ah! Ugh!
All this to get some dumb record player.
Ugh. I told you
that's not the only reason!
Wait. The window!
[grunts] If we can get it open
-We can fall into a pit of zombies?
-[zombies growling]
No!
We scale the gutter,
shimmy onto the roof,
then call Rover over
and hightail it out of here.
[all grunting]
Well, don't break it!
Or do. [nervous laugh]
I'm cool, I'm breezy.
[all grunting]
[Dirk grunts]
Better save what I can.
[gasps] Freddy Teddy!
[Jack] use my legs and you use
your freakishly large arms!
[Dad] Glad you like it, June Bug.
[Dirk] Your ankles
are part of your legs, dude!
[Mom] June Bug, there we go.
[Jack] Ugh! Pull with it, not against it!
What does that even mean?
[pants]
You can do it.
Just open it and grab the sign.
June! What are you doing?!
-[snarls]
-Ah!
-[snarling]
-[screams]
[snarling]
[growls]
[all scream]
In here!
[grunts, pants]
[snarling]
[all panting]
June!
What were you doing?
Why did you open the door?
I was trying to get my June Bug sign.
[all] What?!
[pants] How do we get out of here?
I don't know, OK?
First, trapped in the house,
then the bedroom, now the bathroom?
This keeps getting worse, guys!
Not better!
Man, June, you have a lot
of dirty clothes for a, uh
Human? Yeah, I know.
Here! If it makes you
feel more comfortable,
I'll throw them down the laundry chute.
Wait, guys! The laundry chute!
That's the way out! Ish.
-[door banging]
-[Jack] Better than here.
Worth a try!
[screams]
Uhh!
-[Jack] Head's up!
-Ah!
OK, my turn!
[Jack screams]
Seriously? Ladies first?
No.
You're just acting bananas today,
and I don't trust you to jump after me.
[sighs] Huh!
[screams]
Incoming! Huh!
[screams]
[June gasps]
Uhh. Uhh! I'm stuck!
[whimpers]
They're falling on me! Hurry!
On the count of three!
Ah, forget two and three!
I got bugs crawling on my eyeballs!
[all] One! Huh!
[Dirk] Ugh!
Ugh! Quint! Hammer!
[blows]
-Ah!
-[Quint] Ugh!
Now, how do we get out of here?
If by out of here, you mean
the living room, it's up there.
[zombies moaning]
So you mean we're still trapped?
Mm-hmm.
-No way out?
-Mm-mm.
[Quint] OK. Mm-hmm.
OK.
[sighs]
[screams]
Dude, I think those are the dirty ones.
Here.
[screams]
That fabric softener is very nice,
but coming here
was the worst idea of all time!
Of all the dumb ideas, Jack,
you've ever had,
this one takes the cake!
And all the icing!!!
[panting]
[chuckles] Whoa.
Nerd-mungulous went Hulk.
Well, I can't be constantly smart and calm
when we're all gonna croak
just because Jack
wanted to impress June!
-Huh?
-Uh, which worked!
She said she was impressed.
-[Dirk, Quint, June] What?
-[Jack] I mean
[loud clanking]
[all scream]
Plug everything! Sink, vents, cracks!
Don't think this is gonna get you
out of this conversation, Jack.
Because this is happening!
What? What conversation?
The one about how you just
put us all needlessly in danger.
Oh, you mean like
you've been doing to me?
What?
As crash test dummy
for your zombie traps?
Ha ha! Use the dumb big guy!
Nobody cares about him!
You're just the only one around!
Since Jack is always skipping around
with Thrull instead of us!
Hey! Thrull and I don't skip!
We trot very manly ly.
Quint's right! You abandon us
for Thrull all the time!
I do not!
And, and if I do, maybe that's
because Thrull is all in, June.
He actually wants to hang out with me,
and he wants to help us!
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, come on.
You don't think we've noticed
you're not happy, like, ever?
Happy?
Why should I be happy?
It's the apocalypse!
'Cause I want you to be happy!
[both] Whoa.
I do not owe you my happiness, Jack.
[sighs] That's not what I meant.
It came out wrong.
I meant that you always seem
like you're half here.
OK, that makes sense.
Uh, for the record, I also noticed that.
That's why I wanted to bring you here.
Not just to impress you.
I wanted to cheer you up and finally
make you psyched to be with us.
But then you got super weird about us
touching anything in the house,
and you almost got us killed!
And why are you so freaked out
about this place being perfect anyway?
Because I'm gonna live here again
when my parents come back!
Don't you understand?
Don't you want to get back to your family?
No!
Don't you understand?
I don't have a family!
[sighs] Except you guys.
Wait, you three are related?
No! I mean, ugh
I know it's the apocalypse and all,
but this is kind of a dream
come true for me.
Well, I didn't know.
I mean, that's why I was so upset
that you had, like, one foot out the door.
Oh.
And I'm mad because you ditched
my bestiary for Thrull's!
And June? Wash your socks!
Oh, are we not still airing grievances?
Well, if we are, I've got one.
All your yelling is attracting the zombies
and the bugs,
and we still don't have a way out.
[zombies growling]
This basement is gonna be our tomb!
-Yup.
-Well, that's a solid complaint.
Probably the best one.
[gasps]
Wait! I've got an idea!
[pants]
Ha! You have a pool table?
That's cool, a pool table.
We're ready.
You sure this will work, June?
Absolutely not.
Ready, set, door!
[Jack] Ugh!
[zombies growling]
Music!
[rock music playing]
-[June] Bugs!
-Ugh!
[growling, moaning]
They're down!
Now push!
[all grunting]
Go, go, go!
Whoa.
[zombies moaning]
-Oh, yeah!
-Jack!
I don't need the record player!
Jack! Look out!
[monster snarling]
Crud.
[screams]
I got this. Go!
Hey! Ah!
Ugh!
-Jack, upstairs! Now!
-[pants]
-[snarling]
-Hey!
This is my house!
You want to fight someone, fight me!
Eat music box!
And diary!
And kooky pen! Ah!
[pants] Well, eat
Eat TV! Ah!
And toaster! Ugh!
And toaster oven! Ugh!
Should have thrown the oven oven.
[snarls]
I told you guys to go!
Family doesn't leave family.
Now let's go!
[snarls]
[all screaming]
[whistles]
[all panting]
I'm sure the house
will be OK though, June.
Maybe it was termites.
[sighs]
Got you one last thing though.
Um, thanks, but you can just keep that.
Oh, wait, no, wrong pocket.
That's for the bestiary.
Here!
Not to impress you
or make you happy or whatever.
I just wanted you to have it.
The Del Toros seem really cool.
Thanks, Jack.
But there's something missing.
Perfect.
Hey, June?
It, it's hard for me to talk about,
I'm not, but I
Could I?
Now it's perfect.
-[Rover snoring]
-My folks are gonna love you guys.
[whimpers, sniffs]
[Rover whimpering, sniffing]
[theme music playing]