The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008) s02e07 Episode Script
Identity Crisis
1
NED: Peter Parker.
Are you Spider-Man?
No! For the
godzillionth time, no!
That guy in black
said different.
You mean the guy
calling himself Venom?
Does that name
inspire trust?
Then how is it
you're the only
photographer
getting pictures of the
web-slinger in action?
Look, he rings
my cell to tip me off
when he's about
to fight a baddie.
Guy's kind of a glory hound.
I knew it! I knew that
headline-hog was using me
for free publicity!
But a buck's a buck,
so Lee, interview everyone
that wall-crawling
weasel's ever met.
Heck, interview everyone
Parker's ever met!
I'm on it! Wait! You can't
really think
Go home, Peter.
Get a good night's sleep.
PETER: With my world
about to end? Sure
Well?He's a kid, not Spider-Man.
Yeah. But just in case
We're ready
to run with this.
Livin' on the edge
Fighting crime
Spinning webs
Swinging from
the highest ledge
He could leap
above our heads
Villains on the rise
And the city's victimized
Looking up
with no surprise
Arriving
in the speed of time
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
You were one of
the first individuals
rescued by the Spider-Man.
And Peter Parker
is a friend of your son's.
Any chance Pete and Spidey
are one and the same?
No.
Pete!
A Buglereporter asked my dad
if you're Spider-Man!
Come on,
what's that about?
Nothing!
I mean No idea.
Sha Shan! Hey.
Wait up!
[SCOFFING] Really, Flash,
there's no point.
I'm not
going out with you.
[SPUTTERING]
Yo! Mr. Devereaux!
Yo.
Okay, so you didn't
cast me in the school play.
No hard feelings.
But guy-to-guy,
a part would really
get me in good
with a certain girl, see?
Ah, I see. Unfortunately,
I'm directing a play,
not managing
a dating service.
[SPUTTERS] Wha
If this special seminar
teaches you kids anything,
at least you'll learn
the importance of
keeping your personal
information private.
Yes, Mr. Brown?
A question? [BELL RINGING]
Guess it'll have
to wait until next week.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
Peter Parker.
Spider-Man?
[LAUGHING]
You have got
to be kidding me.
Although, it would explain
a few things. Like when
You don't mean And what about
That's pretty far-fetched. And yet
BOTH: No comment.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the prodigal son returns.
[CHUCKLES] Eddie?
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Ah, great to see you again.
Where have you been, mister?
Took some downtime
after the, uh, downsizing.
Eddie, what really happened?
You were right behind me
when that monster grabbed me.
I was afraid you
Why don't we catch up over
coffee? Just the two of us.
No! I I mean
Gwen and I promised
to meet Harry and Liz
at the Silver Spoon.
Like, now.
Rain check, then.
Don't suppose
you'd like your job back?
You kiddin'?
Just give us a minute.
Been so missing my bro.
We're quite unimpressed
with the Bugle.
They haven't run
our big scoop yet, so
[GRUNTS]
I don't really care
what impresses you
these days, bro.
Oh, but you will.
So, bus or subway?
MAN 1: There he is! MAN 2: Smile, Spidey!
WOMAN: Is it true? MAN 1: Are you Spider-Man?
MAN 3:
Hey, sling us a web, Pete!
They think
you're Spider-Man?
[LAUGHS]
I'm sorry. MAN 1: Can you prove
you're not Spidey?
WOMAN: Spidey,
is that your girl?
Yo, babe, what's it like
kissing a freak?
Let go of me. Hey, back off.
Hey, come on.
Just a few more shots!
MAN 1: This way! MAN 2: We might catch 'em
webbing away!
Hey! Where'd they go?
I know they came this way.Keep looking!
[BOTH PANTING] MAN 1: They can't
have gotten far.
MAN 2:
Hey, does Spidey
do invisible?
[CHUCKLING]
Shh. MAN 1: Maybe they went
in the student store.
MAN 2: Yeah! WOMAN: Or the swim gym.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
[PHONE BEEPING] Hello? Hey, Harry!
Oh, Liz is there, too?
Yeah, sure, sure,
we'll be there in
a few minutes. Bye.
[PHONE BEEPING] I think they're gone.
But, um, given
the circumstances,
I'd better
pass on the Spoon.
Tell Liz that I'm sorry.
And Harry.
Yeah, me too.
[STAMMERING]
I mean, I will.
SPIDER-MAN: Bro, I get why
you're doing this to me,
but don't you get how many
other people you'll hurt?
Oh, we know exactly
how many people
your secrets will hurt!
[GRUNTS] And we can't wait
to watch them
all turn against you!
[GASPS]
[ROARS]
[GRUNTS]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
Who are you? How many Spideys are there?
What are you
doing to him?
Call us Venom.
And all we want is to
take off Spider-Man's mask.
Is your nephew
Spider-Man?
Am I being punk'd?
And now,
the moment of truth. [GRUNTING]
SPIDER-MAN: Sure.
What say we get a close-up?
[GRUNTS]
That proves it!
If he wasn't Parker,
would he resist this much?
The creep's got a point! WOMAN: Show us your face!
MAN: Prove you're not Parker!
Come on! Just 'cause
I'm not Parker doesn't mean
I'll reveal who I am.
It's called
a secret identity.
[GRUNTS]
Besides, Smiley here's
a half-alien symbiote!
You can't trust those things.
The spider doth protest
too much, we thinks.
[GRUNTING]
[CHUCKLES]
Whoops, too hard.
But stay tuned.
We'll be right back
with the unmasking!
All right, all right,
leave the boy alone.
There he is!
Do you think
he's really Spidey?
No, I do not!
Perfect.
Like you never left.
Good to be home.
Look, I've known Puny Parker
since nursery school.
Man, the dweeb spent
sophomore year
stuffed in his locker!
Several students saw him
in a Spider-Man costume
At the Halloween Carnival!
And he looked like
a geek in footie pajamas!
Anyone can suit up
and pretend to be Spidey.
Heh! And I can prove it!
Hey, news losers.
Here I am!
WOMAN: There he is!MAN 1: What's with
the crutches?
MAN 2:
Maybe Venom injured him.
I'm ready to reveal my true
identity, as Not-Parker!
Hey, hey!
Web-head walkin' here!
You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
Yeah.
Spidey's gimped up.
We'll never have a better
chance to take him down.
PETER: Every time
I swear I'm not Spidey,
I'm lying to people
I care about
Maybe I should
just admit the truth.
You've fought Spidey.
Any insight on his identity?
Nah, but I hope
the Parker kid
is Spider-Man.
Believe me, every guy
in the joint would know
what to do with that info.
Back off!
[GRUNTING] Whoa!
[CHUCKLING] Should've
stood in bed, web-stinker!
[GRUNTS] SPIDER-MAN:
[LAUGHING] Web-stinker?
Really? That's
your "A" material?
[GROANING]
This guy's a fake!
That's the real Spidey!
Ah, the brains
of the outfit.
Hold this for me,
genius.
Hey! [GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
[BOTH GRUNT]
Ah, man!
See? Anyone can pretend
to be Spidey,
and you guys'll eat it up!
But there's only
one genuine article!
You mean, Peter Parker? Yeah. No! This guy!
He's my biggest fan.
Which is sad, really.
VENOM: We'll show you sad!
[CAR SQUEALING]
A sad little
masked super-hero,
soon to have
no mask and no super.
Recognize this?
Gene cleanser.
After your
identity's revealed,
we'll pour it
down your throat.
Then we'll sit back
and laugh
while all your enemies
attack Peter Parker.
[LAUGHS]
Leaving you powerless
to defend yourself,
or the ones you love.
[ROARING]
So they tell me you
and Pete go way back.
Yeah, we're like brothers.
[SIGHING]
Should've seen it sooner.
Peter Parker is Spider-Man.
[GRUNTING]
This is gold!
[ROARING]
[YELLING]
[GROANS]
What are those
supposed to do?
Well, they're
supposed to hurt.
Right idea. Wrong caliber!
[GROANS]
[ROARING]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
GWEN: No! VENOM: Well, well.
All our favorite
playthings are here.
[YELLS] One word. Evacuate!
Move along, girls.
Now, Miss Stacy!
Hmm. Tasty.
[VENOM SQUEALING]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
Proceed quickly.
[GRUNTING]
You really think
you can hurt us with that?
Kinda.
[LOCKER RINGING] [SQUEALING]
That was unpleasant.
SPIDER-MAN: Oh, great.
Now he's mad.
[PUNCHES LANDING]
[GRUNTING]
Thanks. I'll get
out of your way now.
[GROWLING]
[GROANS]
VENOM: You never could score
a basket to save your life.
Just not used to
being the ball.
Stupid reporters still think
Puny Parker's Spidey.
[THUDDING]
[GRUNTING]
Open wide.
[STRUGGLING]
Oh, don't be a baby.
Time to take your medicine.
Hey, doofus!
You got the wrong spider!
Please, you're not
fooling Ahh!
Thanks.
You did good. Now book!
Right! Booking!
[GROWLING]
We'll take
that cleanser now.
Whatever you say, bro.
[GASPING]
[ROARING]
No!
[GRUNTING]
VENOM: You can't
reject me now!
Don't leave me!
It got away.
[GASPING]
Help me get it back! Please!
Eddie. Eddie, it's over.
You're free.
You can stop this,
stop hating.
Can't.
It only loves me
for the hate.
[SIRENS WAILING]
It'll come back!
You'll see!
We're Venom! And we'll
destroy Spider-Man yet!
Brock's lost it.
Venom's like twice his size.
Hey, did I mention
I received
a personal thank you
from Spidey himself?
You mean Pete? Yea No!
Mr. Thompson!
I was having a spot of tea
in the faculty lounge
when who should appear
on the telly but a young man
in a spidery sort
of costume and crutches.
Oh Yeah?
I had no idea you had
such hidden talents.
So I have reconsidered
your request.
I'd like to offer you
the part of Nick Bottom
in our play.
Nick, huh?
He's the hero, right?
Oh, he's quite
essential, to be sure.
Coach, you got
yourself a star.
So, maybe now we can score
some private rehearsal time.
I don't think
you'll be needing
much rehearsal.
You just agreed
to play Nick Bottom
in A Midsummer
Night's Dream.
Trust me,
you have that role nailed.
[SCOFFS]
You know I do.
We're missing
a vial of gene cleanser.
I feel I have no choice.
Security has been,
well, abysmal
under your watch.
I'm asking
the University Board
to turn over day-to-day
management of the lab to me.
But Curt built this lab!
You can't I'm sorry, but I can.
NED: I just have
two questions
for you, Betty.
Do you think Peter Parker
is Spider-Man?
And, would you go out
with me Saturday night?
Lee! You've got
exactly eight seconds
to show me
what you've got
on the web-head!
NED: So that Thompson
kid told me about Pete
being at the
Halloween Carnival.
So I dug up the security
footage. Okay, pause.
This is where the rumor must
have started, but come on.
I mean, would the real Spidey
ever show his face in public?
Thank you!
PETER: And thank you, Flash.
Wow. That's two I owe you.
PETER: Huh! Innocent
but still at large?
Guess you can't win 'em all.
[CREAKING]
I once thought his whole
masked vigilante thing
was problematic.
But I've come to realize
that if Spider-Man's
true identity was revealed,
everyone he cared about
would be in constant danger.
Maybe a man in a mask doesn't
have something to hide,
but something to protect.
Wouldn't you agree?
Umm Yes, sir.
NED: Peter Parker.
Are you Spider-Man?
No! For the
godzillionth time, no!
That guy in black
said different.
You mean the guy
calling himself Venom?
Does that name
inspire trust?
Then how is it
you're the only
photographer
getting pictures of the
web-slinger in action?
Look, he rings
my cell to tip me off
when he's about
to fight a baddie.
Guy's kind of a glory hound.
I knew it! I knew that
headline-hog was using me
for free publicity!
But a buck's a buck,
so Lee, interview everyone
that wall-crawling
weasel's ever met.
Heck, interview everyone
Parker's ever met!
I'm on it! Wait! You can't
really think
Go home, Peter.
Get a good night's sleep.
PETER: With my world
about to end? Sure
Well?He's a kid, not Spider-Man.
Yeah. But just in case
We're ready
to run with this.
Livin' on the edge
Fighting crime
Spinning webs
Swinging from
the highest ledge
He could leap
above our heads
Villains on the rise
And the city's victimized
Looking up
with no surprise
Arriving
in the speed of time
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
You were one of
the first individuals
rescued by the Spider-Man.
And Peter Parker
is a friend of your son's.
Any chance Pete and Spidey
are one and the same?
No.
Pete!
A Buglereporter asked my dad
if you're Spider-Man!
Come on,
what's that about?
Nothing!
I mean No idea.
Sha Shan! Hey.
Wait up!
[SCOFFING] Really, Flash,
there's no point.
I'm not
going out with you.
[SPUTTERING]
Yo! Mr. Devereaux!
Yo.
Okay, so you didn't
cast me in the school play.
No hard feelings.
But guy-to-guy,
a part would really
get me in good
with a certain girl, see?
Ah, I see. Unfortunately,
I'm directing a play,
not managing
a dating service.
[SPUTTERS] Wha
If this special seminar
teaches you kids anything,
at least you'll learn
the importance of
keeping your personal
information private.
Yes, Mr. Brown?
A question? [BELL RINGING]
Guess it'll have
to wait until next week.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
Peter Parker.
Spider-Man?
[LAUGHING]
You have got
to be kidding me.
Although, it would explain
a few things. Like when
You don't mean And what about
That's pretty far-fetched. And yet
BOTH: No comment.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the prodigal son returns.
[CHUCKLES] Eddie?
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Ah, great to see you again.
Where have you been, mister?
Took some downtime
after the, uh, downsizing.
Eddie, what really happened?
You were right behind me
when that monster grabbed me.
I was afraid you
Why don't we catch up over
coffee? Just the two of us.
No! I I mean
Gwen and I promised
to meet Harry and Liz
at the Silver Spoon.
Like, now.
Rain check, then.
Don't suppose
you'd like your job back?
You kiddin'?
Just give us a minute.
Been so missing my bro.
We're quite unimpressed
with the Bugle.
They haven't run
our big scoop yet, so
[GRUNTS]
I don't really care
what impresses you
these days, bro.
Oh, but you will.
So, bus or subway?
MAN 1: There he is! MAN 2: Smile, Spidey!
WOMAN: Is it true? MAN 1: Are you Spider-Man?
MAN 3:
Hey, sling us a web, Pete!
They think
you're Spider-Man?
[LAUGHS]
I'm sorry. MAN 1: Can you prove
you're not Spidey?
WOMAN: Spidey,
is that your girl?
Yo, babe, what's it like
kissing a freak?
Let go of me. Hey, back off.
Hey, come on.
Just a few more shots!
MAN 1: This way! MAN 2: We might catch 'em
webbing away!
Hey! Where'd they go?
I know they came this way.Keep looking!
[BOTH PANTING] MAN 1: They can't
have gotten far.
MAN 2:
Hey, does Spidey
do invisible?
[CHUCKLING]
Shh. MAN 1: Maybe they went
in the student store.
MAN 2: Yeah! WOMAN: Or the swim gym.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
[PHONE BEEPING] Hello? Hey, Harry!
Oh, Liz is there, too?
Yeah, sure, sure,
we'll be there in
a few minutes. Bye.
[PHONE BEEPING] I think they're gone.
But, um, given
the circumstances,
I'd better
pass on the Spoon.
Tell Liz that I'm sorry.
And Harry.
Yeah, me too.
[STAMMERING]
I mean, I will.
SPIDER-MAN: Bro, I get why
you're doing this to me,
but don't you get how many
other people you'll hurt?
Oh, we know exactly
how many people
your secrets will hurt!
[GRUNTS] And we can't wait
to watch them
all turn against you!
[GASPS]
[ROARS]
[GRUNTS]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
Who are you? How many Spideys are there?
What are you
doing to him?
Call us Venom.
And all we want is to
take off Spider-Man's mask.
Is your nephew
Spider-Man?
Am I being punk'd?
And now,
the moment of truth. [GRUNTING]
SPIDER-MAN: Sure.
What say we get a close-up?
[GRUNTS]
That proves it!
If he wasn't Parker,
would he resist this much?
The creep's got a point! WOMAN: Show us your face!
MAN: Prove you're not Parker!
Come on! Just 'cause
I'm not Parker doesn't mean
I'll reveal who I am.
It's called
a secret identity.
[GRUNTS]
Besides, Smiley here's
a half-alien symbiote!
You can't trust those things.
The spider doth protest
too much, we thinks.
[GRUNTING]
[CHUCKLES]
Whoops, too hard.
But stay tuned.
We'll be right back
with the unmasking!
All right, all right,
leave the boy alone.
There he is!
Do you think
he's really Spidey?
No, I do not!
Perfect.
Like you never left.
Good to be home.
Look, I've known Puny Parker
since nursery school.
Man, the dweeb spent
sophomore year
stuffed in his locker!
Several students saw him
in a Spider-Man costume
At the Halloween Carnival!
And he looked like
a geek in footie pajamas!
Anyone can suit up
and pretend to be Spidey.
Heh! And I can prove it!
Hey, news losers.
Here I am!
WOMAN: There he is!MAN 1: What's with
the crutches?
MAN 2:
Maybe Venom injured him.
I'm ready to reveal my true
identity, as Not-Parker!
Hey, hey!
Web-head walkin' here!
You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
Yeah.
Spidey's gimped up.
We'll never have a better
chance to take him down.
PETER: Every time
I swear I'm not Spidey,
I'm lying to people
I care about
Maybe I should
just admit the truth.
You've fought Spidey.
Any insight on his identity?
Nah, but I hope
the Parker kid
is Spider-Man.
Believe me, every guy
in the joint would know
what to do with that info.
Back off!
[GRUNTING] Whoa!
[CHUCKLING] Should've
stood in bed, web-stinker!
[GRUNTS] SPIDER-MAN:
[LAUGHING] Web-stinker?
Really? That's
your "A" material?
[GROANING]
This guy's a fake!
That's the real Spidey!
Ah, the brains
of the outfit.
Hold this for me,
genius.
Hey! [GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
[BOTH GRUNT]
Ah, man!
See? Anyone can pretend
to be Spidey,
and you guys'll eat it up!
But there's only
one genuine article!
You mean, Peter Parker? Yeah. No! This guy!
He's my biggest fan.
Which is sad, really.
VENOM: We'll show you sad!
[CAR SQUEALING]
A sad little
masked super-hero,
soon to have
no mask and no super.
Recognize this?
Gene cleanser.
After your
identity's revealed,
we'll pour it
down your throat.
Then we'll sit back
and laugh
while all your enemies
attack Peter Parker.
[LAUGHS]
Leaving you powerless
to defend yourself,
or the ones you love.
[ROARING]
So they tell me you
and Pete go way back.
Yeah, we're like brothers.
[SIGHING]
Should've seen it sooner.
Peter Parker is Spider-Man.
[GRUNTING]
This is gold!
[ROARING]
[YELLING]
[GROANS]
What are those
supposed to do?
Well, they're
supposed to hurt.
Right idea. Wrong caliber!
[GROANS]
[ROARING]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
GWEN: No! VENOM: Well, well.
All our favorite
playthings are here.
[YELLS] One word. Evacuate!
Move along, girls.
Now, Miss Stacy!
Hmm. Tasty.
[VENOM SQUEALING]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
Proceed quickly.
[GRUNTING]
You really think
you can hurt us with that?
Kinda.
[LOCKER RINGING] [SQUEALING]
That was unpleasant.
SPIDER-MAN: Oh, great.
Now he's mad.
[PUNCHES LANDING]
[GRUNTING]
Thanks. I'll get
out of your way now.
[GROWLING]
[GROANS]
VENOM: You never could score
a basket to save your life.
Just not used to
being the ball.
Stupid reporters still think
Puny Parker's Spidey.
[THUDDING]
[GRUNTING]
Open wide.
[STRUGGLING]
Oh, don't be a baby.
Time to take your medicine.
Hey, doofus!
You got the wrong spider!
Please, you're not
fooling Ahh!
Thanks.
You did good. Now book!
Right! Booking!
[GROWLING]
We'll take
that cleanser now.
Whatever you say, bro.
[GASPING]
[ROARING]
No!
[GRUNTING]
VENOM: You can't
reject me now!
Don't leave me!
It got away.
[GASPING]
Help me get it back! Please!
Eddie. Eddie, it's over.
You're free.
You can stop this,
stop hating.
Can't.
It only loves me
for the hate.
[SIRENS WAILING]
It'll come back!
You'll see!
We're Venom! And we'll
destroy Spider-Man yet!
Brock's lost it.
Venom's like twice his size.
Hey, did I mention
I received
a personal thank you
from Spidey himself?
You mean Pete? Yea No!
Mr. Thompson!
I was having a spot of tea
in the faculty lounge
when who should appear
on the telly but a young man
in a spidery sort
of costume and crutches.
Oh Yeah?
I had no idea you had
such hidden talents.
So I have reconsidered
your request.
I'd like to offer you
the part of Nick Bottom
in our play.
Nick, huh?
He's the hero, right?
Oh, he's quite
essential, to be sure.
Coach, you got
yourself a star.
So, maybe now we can score
some private rehearsal time.
I don't think
you'll be needing
much rehearsal.
You just agreed
to play Nick Bottom
in A Midsummer
Night's Dream.
Trust me,
you have that role nailed.
[SCOFFS]
You know I do.
We're missing
a vial of gene cleanser.
I feel I have no choice.
Security has been,
well, abysmal
under your watch.
I'm asking
the University Board
to turn over day-to-day
management of the lab to me.
But Curt built this lab!
You can't I'm sorry, but I can.
NED: I just have
two questions
for you, Betty.
Do you think Peter Parker
is Spider-Man?
And, would you go out
with me Saturday night?
Lee! You've got
exactly eight seconds
to show me
what you've got
on the web-head!
NED: So that Thompson
kid told me about Pete
being at the
Halloween Carnival.
So I dug up the security
footage. Okay, pause.
This is where the rumor must
have started, but come on.
I mean, would the real Spidey
ever show his face in public?
Thank you!
PETER: And thank you, Flash.
Wow. That's two I owe you.
PETER: Huh! Innocent
but still at large?
Guess you can't win 'em all.
[CREAKING]
I once thought his whole
masked vigilante thing
was problematic.
But I've come to realize
that if Spider-Man's
true identity was revealed,
everyone he cared about
would be in constant danger.
Maybe a man in a mask doesn't
have something to hide,
but something to protect.
Wouldn't you agree?
Umm Yes, sir.