Thirtysomething (1987) s02e07 Episode Script
Success
1 [theme.]
[Elliot.]
What? No, no, no, he is not 6'3".
He's 6'3"? Well, Mike, he's 6'2".
Mike, you're 6'2", aren't you? You could cover a guy who was all-conference at Duke and got offers from three different franchises.
5'10".
5'10", 6'2", what difference does it make? Look, if the guy's really good, we could pay somebody to kneecap him at halftime.
You are going to wash your uniform, aren't you? What? Well, that's amusing.
No wonder they haven't paid their bill.
They say your friends won't tell you.
Not true.
Who could afford to buy them? Elliot, there's a cow here to see you.
All right.
Okay, look, I'll see you tonight.
Well, I don't think it smells at all.
Goodbye.
All right.
First of all, I don't have a washer and dryer in my building.
Second of all, not only have we won every game since I stopped washing my uniform, but I have been in double digits every time.
That's because nobody's willing to guard you.
Meanwhile, you ready for this? Terry says Motherland's on the block.
No, some Canadian company.
Unfriendly takeover.
Well, I want to personally thank God at this moment that Terry Grossman has never been right about any prediction he ever made.
I think bankruptcy will be good for us, don't you, Mike? Nice little change of pace.
Hey, you wouldn't dry up on us, would you? [screaming.]
No way.
You're kidding me.
Do you understand me? You're kidding me.
- I'm sorry.
- I am so talented.
I am so great.
I'm going to make them drop dead.
They're not going to believe how great this is going to be.
Ruth Gordon.
You really think I can do this? No, but they do.
And that's what counts.
Oh, yippie yi oh ki yay, galloping all the way You have to promise, if I mess up, you'll tell me.
How will I know if you're messing up? I don't know anything about this.
Neither do I.
But they do, and they love your work.
What do they know? They're record producers.
It's not like Edward Steichen likes my work.
Edward Steichen is dead.
Russell, how can I take a picture of her? I take pictures of old Jewish ladies and pieces of fruit.
And it really pays well.
They're going to pay me? Mm.
You mean I don't have to pay them? You could pay me.
Is it like a lot we're talking about here? - A real lot? - Hm.
An enormous lot? I don't think we can know that yet.
- Like four figures lot? - Well.
Five figures? How much do you think she makes? I'm open, I'm open.
Take him out, take him out, take him out.
- [Mike.]
Go in there like that.
- [Elliot.]
I got it, I got it.
Elliot, Elliot.
Watch out.
Yeah.
[overlapping chatter.]
- Foul ball.
- Pass the ball.
I got him, I got him.
Elliot, Elliot.
[whistle blows.]
Cheap shot, man.
Mike.
That was brutal.
- Oh.
How you doing? - Hey.
All right.
Two orange juices, a club soda, and whatever you have on draft.
- Is that all? - It is for me.
- What do you want? - A better move to my left.
Julius Caesar said it best-- We saw, we conquered, we killed them.
Ah, they're not that good.
No, we're just worse.
Tonight, Mikey, tonight.
We'll live to fight another day.
Nice lay-up, Steadman.
[Men laughing.]
I don't mind they have 150 million in accounts or their CLIO awards or their wives and their BMWs.
Did you ever see Drentell's girlfriend? Championship.
All the way.
You know what I mind? I mind them having to win the damn basketball league so damn much that they have to hire semi-pro ringers who flunked out of the third grade and say that they work in their damn mailroom.
That's what I mind.
So, Steadman, how's the shop? Good, Mark.
Good, good.
How's the new building? Got any nosebleeds? I hear you need oxygen on the upper floors.
Well, you know, be in ever so humble.
No, really.
How are you guys out there in the wilderness? Wilderness make good hunter.
Harr! So you guys are okay.
- Yeah, why? - No, I'm glad you're okay.
I don't know.
Why wouldn't we be okay? Nah, I don't know.
I mean, like the Motherland thing.
Oh, that.
Yeah, you're right.
That guy's a smoke blower.
I mean, all those rumors on the street, half the time they're just trying to manipulate the stock.
You guys would be the first to know, right? Right, yeah.
Well, I can't be seen consorting with losing teams, so-- See you later, Mark.
I have to go home now.
I have pressing familiar duties that I must perform and that I'll get yelled at for if I don't do them.
I have no duties.
I'm footloose and fancy free, a happy-go-lucky kind of guy.
- What are you gonna do? - Kill myself.
No, not if Motherland goes under.
I mean now.
Well, I better go in there and suck up to Monsignor Drentell, just in case Motherland does go under, and I got to find a job.
Well, suck up for me, too.
Kiss the girls for me.
- Winning is a state of-- - So, Miles, basketball camp really paid off, huh? Ha ha ha.
You tired? Hm.
Is it the second trimester yet? There's a rumor going around that Motherland might be sold.
No, it's all-- it's okay.
I don't believe it anyway.
So I don't have to feel guilty about the 16 new books I bought Janey today? - Good night.
- Good night.
[groans.]
[Elliot.]
I got it! I got it! [Elliot.]
Yo, Mike, go! Oh, way to go, Mike! [Man.]
Right down the middle, down the middle.
- [Woman in bleachers.]
Go! Go, Michael! Go! - [Man.]
Dunk it! [crowd cheering.]
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
- I'm telling you.
- You're not.
- I am.
- You can't.
I know I can't, but I am.
Russell's having lunch with her people.
Then they're going to call my people with the final word.
-Your people? - Me.
Carly Simon? People don't meet Carly Simon unless they live on Martha's Vineyard.
I'm just taking her picture.
I'm not going on tour with her.
God, Melissa, how did this happen? Well, her producer saw the cover I did for Dry Clean Only.
Oh.
All those crazy nights When I cried myself to sleep You should do an album.
Rod Stewart Sings Carly Simon.
Melissa, this is so cool.
This is, like, the real thing.
You're so vain You probably think this song is about you Yeah, you're so-- God, I really wanted to look like her, too.
That great, sexy mouth, and what were those suede boots that she was wearing on the cover of-- What was that thing? Oh, Melissa, are they paying you for this? I mean, this says that you're real good and that you should be paid a lot of money for this.
- They're paying me.
- No, no, seriously.
I-I negotiate things for the city all the time, and they're always trying to take advantage.
- Ellyn, someone's helping me.
- Who? - Russell.
- Russell? He's a painter.
Yeah, I know he is, but, see, he knows these people.
Actually, that's how they saw my work to begin with, and he's good at getting money out of people, and, Mother, it'll be fine.
Anticipation Oh, yeah.
[phone rings.]
That's Russell.
I recognize the ring.
So get it.
[rings.]
Okay.
- Then I'll get it.
- I'll get it.
I'll get it.
If it's Carly, ask her what really happened with James Taylor.
Shh.
Hello? Okay, is this Melissa Steadman, image maker to the stars? Russell? The deal, she be closed, and yes, ladies and gentlemen, the deal, she be berry, berry good.
- I got it? - You got it.
- I got it! - Yeah! - [singing "You're So Vain".]
- Melissa.
- Sorry.
- There's more.
More? No way.
The artist relations people are welcoming Carly to town with a party at the Black Abacus Saturday night.
We get to go, and we can bring along as many guests as we want.
- Isn't that great? - Great.
Tell all your friends to break out their too-hip-to-live clothes I've got to run, but I'll come over later to help you spend the money, and Melissa.
- Yeah.
- You earned this.
Okay? - Okay, bye.
- Bye.
Bet you think this song is about you, don't you? Don't you? Yes, tell me-- tell me what happened.
I got the job.
I know, but what was that all about at the end.
All that at the end? - Yeah.
- Justdetails.
You're so vain You probably think this song is about you, yeah [Michael.]
If they're sold-- you know they're sold.
[Elliot.]
Even if they're sold, it's still a company.
The management will stay, and even if they don't, it's still the same market.
Listen, they're going to want us to do a transition.
They'd be crazy to let us go at the same time.
We're the continuity.
All right, so I talked about the market share increases.
You talked about the new directions we've been planning for the last three months - that we actually came up with last night.
- Great.
Great.
[Woman.]
They're ready for you.
Mike, I'd like you to know that we at Aquitaine Consolidated have a strong believe in the importance of the small entrepreneur in the overall landscape of the marketplace.
Bob and I have been over the work that you've done, and we think it's just fine.
This kind of market share increase for a small company like yours is really very impressive, but I think you'll understand the situation we're presented with here.
We have a $2 billion relationship with Doyle, Dane, and Bernbach, and we have had that relationship now for nigh on 10 years.
- [church bell chiming.]
- It's a wonderful we'd like to continue for some time, and therefore we're going to have to let you go.
- [chiming grows louder.]
- We're terribly sorry about having to do it.
You're a young, strong company.
[Man's voice fades.]
Hello.
Hey, Brian, how's the game? Well, I'm worried.
Looked great in the store, but put against itself, and it seemed kind of dark, so I don't know whether to What? You had the meeting.
I thought it was this afternoon.
You had the meeting? How bad? - We're out of business.
- We are not.
Well, what happened? Tell me.
You want the condensed version, or do you want the full half hour of patronizing crap we had to sit and swallow and not even get a chance to reply to, let alone convince them-- Ha, convince them? That was a great idea, Elliot.
- Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
- Oh, uh - Can I get one of those? - No.
So you go out and get another account.
That's what I keep telling him.
I mean, they're not your only account.
I don't understand this.
When we landed Mother-- Before Motherland, we were barely getting by.
We borrowed money every month to make the payroll, and then in the span of one month, we hired designers, we finished the space, we bought all this equipment because we thought it was going to be cheaper than leasing it-- Because it was cheaper than leasing it.
- But you have other accounts.
- Fewer than we had before.
We actually blew off two accounts to make time for Motherland.
We will get them back.
And what do we do for payroll and rent until then? - We will borrow like we used to.
- Oh, Elliot.
Well, you just cut back until you get another account.
You could move.
- And what do we do with the lease? - Sublet it.
Sublet it.
Then we are in the commercial real estate business, Elliot.
That's great.
Michael, Michael, Michael, things will work out.
They always do.
You guys are really good.
I'm good.
He's dead weight.
This is nice fabric.
I'd use this on my sofa if I had a sofa.
[Man.]
So this place is really cool.
There was a whole thing they were doing.
It's what, 1910, 1915? We think 1911, but Michael swears the plumbing was put in in 1266.
- Uh-oh.
- [Hope.]
Hey, Miss Moppet, come here.
Come on, Janey.
Come here, sweetie.
Someone wants to meet you.
[Russell.]
Oh, no, I'm too shy.
Aren't you sweet.
Hi, who is this? Who is this? Hi.
What's happening? Is something happening? What's going on, huh? What's happening? Is this Big Bird? Oh, my goodness, are those finger-paints? Is that finger-paints? You want to go play? Come on, let's take Big Bird.
I'm going to walk you over to this spot.
- He available for babysitting? - Only for me.
Oh, I can sit down.
[grunts.]
So has Michael said anything to you? On any particular topic? Never mind.
What? Never mind what? There's something happening with the business, and I figure it's probably bad, because he hasn't been complaining about it.
What, Elliott's leaving for clown school? No, they're gonna lose their biggest account.
Who knows? So when do we get to meet her? Oh, you know, I don't even know when we're doing the session.
It's supposed to be this weekend, but these guys, they're saying, "She's flying in from Japan, she's going out to L.
A.
" You're not gonna meet her before the session? Well, there might be this little cocktail party or something.
- That's if she shows.
- Well, when is that? Well, that's supposed to be this weekend, but I'm not holding my breath or anything.
Hey, Liss, have you seen what this kid is doing with paint? - [laughter.]
- Hey, kid, you gonna become an artist and upstage your Aunt Melissa? Let me see that.
- So it was really nice meeting you.
- You, too.
We'll probably be seeing too much of each other.
- Probably.
- Starting Saturday night.
That'll be really cool, won't it? The party? - Oh.
- Melissa's so nervous.
It is so great that you guys are gonna be there for her.
So, Saturday night, 8:00.
Don't forget.
But-- I won't.
Outta here.
See you next week.
- 'Bye.
- See you.
- See you later.
- Okay.
'Bye.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Could you-- Uh-oh.
What do have, spies here? - Hey, Mark.
- Hey, Mark, how you doing? - How you guys doing? - We're getting by.
Get away from them.
You might actually learn something about this business, and then where would we be? Away from here? Go do work.
Produce.
Affirmative activate.
Get me accounts in the Third World.
Oh, yes, Mr.
Drentell, sir.
Right away, sir.
And let me trouble you just this moment to thank you once again for this opportunity to better myself.
- See you later.
- Take it easy, Mark.
So, you're dead.
Welcome to the world.
- We're not dead.
- We're just, uh, almost dead.
Isn't that like being a little bit pregnant? Actually, he is a little bit pregnant.
Sit down, children.
Tell me.
We can't go in your office? They're marbleizing my office.
Tell it to me here.
[Elliott.]
Well, actually it's just a two-word story.
Aquitaine Consolidated.
- They're buying Motherland.
- And booting us.
Because you got careless, didn't you? You thought you were invulnerable? You thought you were necessary? Nobody's necessary.
Chiat Day isn't necessary.
God isn't necessary.
I'm not necessary.
Oh, Miles, don't say that about yourself.
Okay, what do two hotshots like you need from a guy like me? No.
What do you want? Speak.
You want money? I'll give you $1.
50.
No.
No.
You want sub work? Forget it.
We never sub.
- Nice talking to you, Miles.
- Now I hurt their feelings.
All right, look.
I know, it's a big deal.
You started your own business.
Takes guts.
You got your soul invested in it.
You're scared.
I've been there.
[sighs.]
What do you want, really? Sub work.
We never sub out work.
Miles, we're as good as anybody on your staff.
But you're not on my staff.
- Look, we're talking about three months.
- Maximum.
Guys, listen.
Look around you.
Feel the air.
This isn't a building.
It's not an office.
This is a process.
Nothing happens in here.
A paper clip doesn't fall, it doesn't affect the equilibrium of the group.
Have you read Nishiru on the art of management? The individual has no importance.
Personality must subordinate itself to process.
Do you know what I'm saying? You're saying you don't do sub-work.
I like you guys.
I see myself in you when I was poorer.
Go.
Borrow money.
Will you think about it? Well, she didn't tell me anything.
He did.
Do you think Melissa is embarrassed by her friends and relations? Yeah.
Ellyn, Ellyn, no, she's not on the phone anymore.
Well, don't ask me.
[scoffs.]
I am not going to crash a party.
Besides, I don't have anything to wear.
I don't own rock 'n' roll clothes anymore.
Rock 'n' roll clothes? Hello, my other girl.
Hi.
Yeah, yeah.
- Hi, pumpkin.
- I am not gonna call her.
You call her.
Let's get Mikey to call her.
Okay, okay, all right.
Okay, all right.
All right.
Call me when you have a plan.
Bye.
So you talk to your cousin today? I was out of the office.
Why? Well, apparently she's going to this huge party for Ms.
Simon, and can invite anybody she wants, only she basically lied and didn't want us to know.
- Fine, she's embarrassed by us.
- That's what Ellyn says.
That's all right.
I'm embarrassed by us, too.
- Michael.
- Sorry.
[telephone rings.]
Hello.
Shepherd.
What? All right, wait a minute.
Liss is going to this big party, and how do you know she can invite everybody? - Russell told me.
- Russell told-- What? Gary says she says she couldn't bring anybody.
Ah, that's the point.
She's lying.
That's-- Gary said he never liked Carly Simon anyway.
What are we supposed to do? No, wait a minute, Shepherd.
No, you are not gonna crash the party.
What? Wait.
He wants to know what you're wearing.
Hey.
What? Green.
I don't know.
What are you gonna wear? Yes, it makes a difference.
Let's start with basics.
[TV Announcer.]
Shot? No.
Charles Barkley, the rebound.
Barkley power dribbles and weaves through traffic.
Charles to the hole.
Ka-ka-koom! Charles jams.
82-71.
The Sixers go on top of the Washington Bullets on a Barkley jam after the defensive rebound.
Why did I buy this? Am I out of my mind? You're a success.
You earn some money, you spend some money.
Yeah, more than Alfred Steiglitz ever made in his whole life.
- I'm taking it back.
- You are taking it home.
There is a moral lesson here.
What, that I should shut up and enjoy my success? No, that underneath all that shiny, sparkling money, you are still the same worthless schlemiel you always were.
Well, a better-dressed one.
[Mike.]
Hey.
Hey, yo.
Hi, Mike.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, you like it? This is my cousin Mike.
This is my friend Russell.
- Hi, Elliot Weston.
- Russell Weller.
- Michael Steadman.
Russell Weller.
Nice to meet you.
- I've heard a lot about you.
- Really? Anything good? Where you guys going? Ah, you don't want to know.
The bank.
Oh, what is this, like, really a problem you're having? No, no, we just like to look at all the money we don't have.
Oh, God.
So, Melissa, about this party you're not inviting anybody to.
What are you talking about? I'm inviting people.
[Elliot.]
Michael and Hope are boring.
I, on the other hand-- Oh, listen, you guys are invited.
Everybody's invited, right? Yeah, sure.
You bring a nice gift, yeah.
Sorry, I refuse to attend any party that would have me as a guest.
That's awesome.
Anyway, we gotta go.
Okay, well, listen, it's this Saturday night - around 8.
- 8:00.
- Yeah, 8.
Okay? - [mouths words.]
Carly Simon's overrated anyway.
- Ooh.
- Oh, come on.
- Okay.
- See you later.
- Nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Bye-bye, Russell.
You look good.
Thanks.
Good luck.
Hey, relax.
So that's it.
That is not it.
- Elliot-- - That is not it.
How are you gonna pay the seven salaries in our office? How are you gonna make the lease payment? How are you gonna pay for the upkeep of our equipment? We get 'em to defer their salaries.
We lie to the management company.
Come on, Mike, you know how.
By the skin of our teeth-- Elliot, there is no skin left on our teeth.
How do you lie to the management company? - What are you gonna do, just let it die? - Elliot, it is dead.
Now what are we gonna do? Oh, I see.
Fine.
16 months and bye-bye? No, Michael.
Elliot, what are you going to do? I don't know what I'm gonna do.
We're gonna go away, think about it.
Mike, you don't even want to talk about this.
You're giving up.
This is unreal, Elliot.
I can't even talk about this.
- You don't want to talk about saving the business? - I don't want to talk about you being completely divorced from reality, telling me what I'm gonna think about-- [sighs.]
Come on, Mark, I'm not gonna tell him where I got his home number from.
What, do you think I'm crazy? Because I'm asking.
Look, I got you that girl for the bra commercial, didn't I? Because what do you want me to say? Because we're in a lot of trouble and I really need to speak to Miles, okay? Okay.
All right.
Thanks a lot, man.
All right.
Okay, take it easy.
Bye-bye.
Hey, Hope.
Here they are.
Just put 'em anywhere.
I can't believe Elliot didn't tell me about this.
I am killing him.
I'm not panicking.
My new baby will not go hungry.
- The bank will not take away my credit cards.
- [children shouting.]
Ethan! I can't believe this is happening.
I mean, not now.
This was not in the plan.
Of course, breaking up wasn't in the plan.
What am I supposed to do? Well, at least you don't have to act supportive and pretend you're not completely terrified.
You're so loyal.
Michael gets completely freaked out if I even hint at being scared.
Which you are.
Which I am.
Hello.
I told them to burn the house down so we could collect insurance.
That should be no problem.
What do you care? You have no visible means of support anyway.
- Oh.
- Ow.
Oh.
Hope, I keep telling you-- Ow.
Why do you keep playing these stupid games when you always come home with some arcane injury? When are you gonna admit that you're old? I am not old, and I never get injured.
- Aw.
- [groans.]
What am I gonna do? What are we all gonna do? We are going to go to Melissa's party and sulk.
What kind of party do they have at the Black Abacus? Oh, cool parties with attractive people who pick each other up and go home together.
It's against the law now.
[yawning.]
Oh, how are we gonna stay up past midnight without the benefit of controlled substances? [yawning.]
[crash.]
Don't worry.
I'll pay for it.
Yeah? With what money? I'm taking a nap.
[Nancy.]
Is it possible to have a completely unbreakable house? [crowd cheering.]
[coach.]
Maurice to the sidelines.
Maurice, get a quick pitch.
Rich comes off.
Elliot's coming up top.
- All right.
- Hit Elliot.
Charlie, right there.
- Charlie's got his man one on one.
- [buzzer.]
[Announcer.]
Celtics lead 110-109.
13 ticks of the clock left.
It comes down to this.
The Celtics by one.
Jaminsky to inbound.
G gotta promote Cheeks.
Maurice wields it up top.
Weston starts the drive, double-kicks it back to Barkley.
Barkley trapped just right of the circle.
Looks and looks, five seconds left.
Finds Steadman, Steadman drills a drive to the hole.
Steadman in the air-- he jams, and the Sixers win.
The Sixers beat the Celtics 111-110 at the buzzer on a jam by Michael Steadman.
The Sixers advance in the playoffs, and next up, the Los Angeles Lakers.
But more importantly, they have defeated the Celtics on a spectacular drive by Steadman.
Did Jimmy run the play for you? Well, no, the play was supposed to come to Charles, and then Charles got boxed in, and he dropped the ball off to me.
I'm just happy the lane was open and I did my job.
- All right, and the Lakers are next.
- The Lakers are next.
[phone pad beeping.]
Yeah, hi.
Is Mr.
Drentell in, please? Oh, no, this is-- This is terrible.
Um, for the evening? Yeah, listen, this is Dave from the office, and we gotta fax some stuff out to San Francisco tonight, and he's gotta check it.
Yeah, I understand.
I don't want to interrupt his dinner, either.
You gotta understand, if this thing isn't perfect, then it's gonna cost me my job.
Oh, good.
The Rainbow Grill.
Okay, great.
And that's on 16th Street, right? Okay.
All right, good.
I appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
All right.
Bye-bye.
[Driver.]
It's folding down from on top.
- Oh.
- There you go.
Thank you.
It's hopeless, anyway.
Begging your pardon? I said it's hopeless, anyway.
What is hopeless? This face is hopeless.
I don't think this is true.
Thank you.
You been here long? Two year, seven months.
- From Russia? - Leningrad.
Ah.
You like Philly? Cradle of liberty, cheese steaks.
[laughs.]
They're not Kosher.
You're Jewish.
How you are knowing I am Jewish? Just a guess.
My grandparents were from Russia.
- What town? - Lestapastolobova.
- [laughing.]
- Is that right? She told me it means "last stop from the post office in Lobova.
" [speaking Russian.]
What do you want, you know? She's 76.
Her mind's going.
So, Steadman, Melissa.
You are a big success riding in limos? In America, everybody want to ride in limos.
To party, to wedding, to prom.
A high school kid, he has to look rich.
Everybody always wanting to know who's that big shot behind the tinted windows? Is American dream, yes? It's my first time in one, actually.
Ah, but not your last.
[chatter.]
Yeah, hi.
Double Scotch on the rocks, please.
So this was in the early days of D.
A.
A.
when we were just D.
A.
The industry was turning to stone, we took a sledgehammer to it.
Totally confident, totally fearless.
They thought I was the Antichrist of advertising.
- I loved it.
- How many clients back then? - 37.
- [laughter.]
So they let anybody in here, huh? Oh, no.
Where's your partner? I thought you guys were joined at the hip.
His wife surgically removes him every weekend.
Hi.
Elliot Weston.
Oh, now I'm gonna have to introduce him? This is my fiancée Cindy.
Dave Nagel of Nagel Stapin, his wife Elaine.
Elliot Weston.
So what? Are you looking for some hot action? Hoping to get some? Work off some of that tension? What's a guy like you hanging around here for? Miles, you're such a suave guy.
I hope he doesn't talk to you that way.
Which way? Right.
So you waiting for somebody? Hoping maybe we'll ask you to join us? God, no.
You guys are boring.
I'm just waiting for a party to start.
- Whose party? - Just some friends from L.
A.
L.
A.
? Cindy's from there.
Oh, yeah? You were doing some acting out there, were you? Yeah, if you can call it that.
They just wanted me to take my clothes off.
Hmm.
So you're from L.
A.
Maybe you know these people.
Carly Simon? Uh, Carly Simon's from New York.
She's coming in from L.
A.
Carly's in Philadelphia? She gets in tonight.
And you're going to a party with Carly Simon? Well, unless something better comes along.
Hey, there you are.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What'd you do, go by way of Camden? - Am I late? - No.
You want to meet her? - Do I have to? - Come on.
Uh, M-Miss Simon.
Carly.
Hi.
This is Melissa Steadman.
Carly Simon.
- Oh, Melissa, how are you? - Hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
I really, really like your work.
- My work? - Yeah.
- You like my work? - I really do.
Oh, listen, I really like your work.
Oh, thanks.
I've been a fan of yours ever since I was a-- - A while.
- Well, you know, I made my first album when I was 4.
[laughter.]
But listen, about the shoot, I'm really excited to be working with you.
And I thought of doing something a little bit different, for me, anyway.
Sort of getting out of the studio, out of doors, maybe onto a beach or on a cliff or with some atmosphere, some rain, some wind.
And in a long gown.
Something that doesn't feature your legs.
Exactly.
In fact, I-- I-- love the dress that you're wearing.
- This? - This is absolutely gorgeous.
Yes.
Maybe I could borrow it? Well, sure.
You're kidding.
Well, I'd really-- - Hi.
Hi.
- Ellyn.
- Carly, Ellyn.
- Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
I can't bel-- Hi.
You're great.
And your harmony is just the best.
Of course, Janey's favorite is "Itsy Bitsy Spider.
" Especially the later stuff of yours, because you know, "The Stuff that Dreams are Made of.
" You're so inspiring to me.
Like when you sang from your album "Torch.
" So great.
So great.
I just-- I just can't believe that I'm meeting you.
Carly, I'd like you to meet my cousin Michael.
Michael Steadman, Carly Simon.
- Hi, how you doing? - Fine, thanks.
It's good to meet you, Michael.
Thank you.
It's nice to meet you.
Weston.
Weston.
W-E-S-T-- Here, let me check it out.
Let me have it.
- Miles, this is no problem.
I know we're on here.
- Uh-huh.
See? Steadman, Weston.
Was with Steadman.
Weston.
How you doing? They're with me.
Come on, come on.
Who do you have to sleep with to get a drink around here, I wonder? So is Carly here or not? Yo, Carl! Yo! What are you doing with Miles Drentell? - Hey, nice party, huh? - What are you doing with him, Elliot? - I saw him at the Rainbow Grill.
- What were you doing there? Looking for Miles Drentell.
Wait, wait.
Listen, Mike.
He didn't say no.
He's jerking you around, Elliot.
He's the competition.
He wants to eat us.
So make yourself taste good.
Hey, you guys having an affair or what? Hey, Miles.
Not bad, Steadman.
Nice party.
Miles, listen, Mike and I were just talking-- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I have to bring this to Hope.
Mike, listen-- Mike.
So, Miles.
Yes, Elliot, my son.
So, Miles.
Elliot.
Try flattery.
That sometimes works.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Who's the guy with Elliot? The Dark Lord of Mordor, where the shadows lie.
Drentell.
The "D" in D.
A.
A.
Somewhere in his fevered brain, Elliot still thinks - he can get him to help us.
- What's he doing here? - Hmm.
Don't ask.
- Honey.
Oh, look, I gotta get outta here pretty soon.
- Talk to me.
- No, I can't here, honey.
Oh, this is really happening, and it's all over, and I'm standing here and people are dancing.
It's like I'm underwater.
My father's business, now my business.
- Don't say that.
- Hey, so is this weird? Can I get to go to a party like this someday? - She seems really nice.
- She is.
She's much nicer than me.
- Dance with me.
It's the least you can do.
- Maybe later.
- Oh, come on.
- Maybe later.
- Michael.
- Will you please tell this person that you absolutely did not pose those people in Rittenhouse Square? Come on.
I got 7 bucks riding on this.
- Come on.
- Later.
[romantic.]
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, wait a minute.
You can say a lot of stuff about me, pal.
You can talk about the agency.
But don't you say anything about Michael because he's the greatest guy.
You want insults? You're gonna get insulted.
Ah, you stupid snake head, you and your dumb bimbo girlfriend.
What? Are you talking about Cindy? You don't tell me what-- You dumb, arrogant scuzbag.
We've put more creativity into one year than you've ever seen in your entire useless, mediocre career.
Tell that to the IRS, yup-face.
I could give a flying-- More creativity than you could shove up your corroded nostrils, Miles.
- Don't you push me.
- No, no, no.
Elliot, Elliot, Elliot.
Time for his Thorazine, Steadman.
- Excuse me.
- Sure.
[knock on door.]
Hello? No, that's okay, that's okay.
I'm not really hungry.
I was supposed to have breakfast with Melissa Steadman, but she stood me up.
You remember her.
She used to be this really great photographer, but then she was co-opted by the sweeping commercialization of rock 'n' roll.
I only went back to bed for a second, I swear.
Yeah.
Listen, Melissa.
I talked to Hope this morning.
I gotta talk to you about Michael and Elliot.
Oh, if they want to be jerks about it, fine.
It's okay in the end.
I just wish there was another party for me tonight.
No, there's something going on with them you have to understand.
Look, Gary, last night might not have been the most important thing in the world, but it was to me.
The least they could have done was show some consideration.
Yeah, like you did by not wanting to invite them.
I invited them.
I invited them.
I invited everybody.
Melissa their business is going under.
What are you talking about? [chattering.]
Drentell's giving us $1 million.
And a yacht.
And his season tickets for the Sixers.
I can't talk to you right now.
Don't talk to me.
- Elliot-- - I don't get it, Mike.
I'm not stupid about life.
And I've learned things.
And I really thought I was being careful and making sure that I wouldn't do all the self-destructive things I'd always done to make sure things didn't work out.
Okay, so I ruined my marriage.
Fine.
But here-- Mike I tried so hard to be grown up here.
Working more or less the whole day.
Handing things in on time.
Trying not to sleep with the employees.
I just don't get why this as to happen when things were going so well.
I mean, I don't understand it.
So what we got to-- We just close up here? I talked to Craig and Walter.
Oh, it starts with the lawyers.
What they are saying is that, hmm-- If we want to avoid personal bankruptcy, Chapter 11.
Then we should close up now and finish the current accounts at home.
Ethan called me last night.
Hmm.
Says he wants to come to the office and play with the color pens.
Ah, damn it.
They know about this.
What are we suppose to tell them? What are they gonna do? Go out and try to find other agencies to hire them? Just like us.
[sighs.]
I don't get this, Mike.
Do you get this? No.
Um, can I talked to everybody for a minute.
Come on in.
Come on.
Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
Listen, Mike, I, uh-- I didn't know what was happening.
I just heard about everything.
No, that's okay.
Yeah, well, I'm really sorry.
I mean God, all those people.
They'll be all right.
You know Tammy and Yuiko, you know they're always saying how much they love working for you guys.
Yeah.
Is that why you called Bernstein Fox today? Yeah, I got him an interview for tomorrow.
Yeah, well, I don't understand.
You know, I mean, you guys do the best work in the city, you know? It's so unfair.
Um, I, uh-- I have to go.
Yeah, all right, well, wait a second.
Do you need me to work for free or anything? Look, Melissa, I'm gonna get another job.
This is not a tragedy.
I'll probably end up making more money, so just forget about it.
All right, well, you know, Michael, I care about you.
Fine, good, okay.
I got to check on Janey.
- Well, you don't have to leave.
- I know.
Listen, Mike, it's just It's just that-- I don't know.
A lot's been happening for me lately, you know? I have to go.
All right, can you wait two minutes? It's just that I don't feel like I've been much of a friend or relation to you lately.
That's not true.
Well, it's just that I heard about this party, you know? Melissa, you don't have to justify yourself.
Right, look, let me just say it, okay? Okay.
I mean, I heard about this party, you know, and for one minute, I saw myself as Melissa Steadman-- you know, New York artist.
Two columns in Interview magazine.
And for five minutes I just thought that if everybody I knew was there, you know, that I couldn't be that.
Because-- Because that's not how they see me.
You know? But the problem is that's not how I see me.
Which is nobody's fault.
It's-- Oh, God.
Never mind.
I'll see you.
No, no, no.
Wait.
You're right.
You're not allowed to succeed.
I'm suppose to be ahead of you.
You know, I mean-- I mean, I'm 12, and you're 10.
Yeah, and you got zits, too.
Yeah, well, you wear falsies.
I do not.
And Allen Shapiro knows I don't.
You let Allen Shapiro go to second? Over your bra or under? Ugh.
Well, I'm gonna get my license before you.
Yeah? But you'll die first, too.
[coach.]
Hustle up, let's go.
Yeah, come on.
Humiliation.
[Elliot.]
Degradation.
Castration.
Ooh.
Ah, aren't they nice? [Michael.]
"Hey, Mike.
How you doing?" If I'm a schmuck, you fell on your butt this time, didn't you? [whistle blows.]
[coach.]
Pick them up.
Pick them up.
Work it.
[cheers.]
Yo, Mike.
[Elliot.]
Good shot.
Good shot, all right.
[Michael.]
Go, go, go.
[Elliot.]
Nice, Mikey.
[coach.]
Down there.
Down there.
Oh.
[Elliot.]
Oh, nice, Mikey.
Go, go, go.
Go to the hoop.
Go to the hoop.
[other team groans.]
Oh! [door closes.]
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon
[Elliot.]
What? No, no, no, he is not 6'3".
He's 6'3"? Well, Mike, he's 6'2".
Mike, you're 6'2", aren't you? You could cover a guy who was all-conference at Duke and got offers from three different franchises.
5'10".
5'10", 6'2", what difference does it make? Look, if the guy's really good, we could pay somebody to kneecap him at halftime.
You are going to wash your uniform, aren't you? What? Well, that's amusing.
No wonder they haven't paid their bill.
They say your friends won't tell you.
Not true.
Who could afford to buy them? Elliot, there's a cow here to see you.
All right.
Okay, look, I'll see you tonight.
Well, I don't think it smells at all.
Goodbye.
All right.
First of all, I don't have a washer and dryer in my building.
Second of all, not only have we won every game since I stopped washing my uniform, but I have been in double digits every time.
That's because nobody's willing to guard you.
Meanwhile, you ready for this? Terry says Motherland's on the block.
No, some Canadian company.
Unfriendly takeover.
Well, I want to personally thank God at this moment that Terry Grossman has never been right about any prediction he ever made.
I think bankruptcy will be good for us, don't you, Mike? Nice little change of pace.
Hey, you wouldn't dry up on us, would you? [screaming.]
No way.
You're kidding me.
Do you understand me? You're kidding me.
- I'm sorry.
- I am so talented.
I am so great.
I'm going to make them drop dead.
They're not going to believe how great this is going to be.
Ruth Gordon.
You really think I can do this? No, but they do.
And that's what counts.
Oh, yippie yi oh ki yay, galloping all the way You have to promise, if I mess up, you'll tell me.
How will I know if you're messing up? I don't know anything about this.
Neither do I.
But they do, and they love your work.
What do they know? They're record producers.
It's not like Edward Steichen likes my work.
Edward Steichen is dead.
Russell, how can I take a picture of her? I take pictures of old Jewish ladies and pieces of fruit.
And it really pays well.
They're going to pay me? Mm.
You mean I don't have to pay them? You could pay me.
Is it like a lot we're talking about here? - A real lot? - Hm.
An enormous lot? I don't think we can know that yet.
- Like four figures lot? - Well.
Five figures? How much do you think she makes? I'm open, I'm open.
Take him out, take him out, take him out.
- [Mike.]
Go in there like that.
- [Elliot.]
I got it, I got it.
Elliot, Elliot.
Watch out.
Yeah.
[overlapping chatter.]
- Foul ball.
- Pass the ball.
I got him, I got him.
Elliot, Elliot.
[whistle blows.]
Cheap shot, man.
Mike.
That was brutal.
- Oh.
How you doing? - Hey.
All right.
Two orange juices, a club soda, and whatever you have on draft.
- Is that all? - It is for me.
- What do you want? - A better move to my left.
Julius Caesar said it best-- We saw, we conquered, we killed them.
Ah, they're not that good.
No, we're just worse.
Tonight, Mikey, tonight.
We'll live to fight another day.
Nice lay-up, Steadman.
[Men laughing.]
I don't mind they have 150 million in accounts or their CLIO awards or their wives and their BMWs.
Did you ever see Drentell's girlfriend? Championship.
All the way.
You know what I mind? I mind them having to win the damn basketball league so damn much that they have to hire semi-pro ringers who flunked out of the third grade and say that they work in their damn mailroom.
That's what I mind.
So, Steadman, how's the shop? Good, Mark.
Good, good.
How's the new building? Got any nosebleeds? I hear you need oxygen on the upper floors.
Well, you know, be in ever so humble.
No, really.
How are you guys out there in the wilderness? Wilderness make good hunter.
Harr! So you guys are okay.
- Yeah, why? - No, I'm glad you're okay.
I don't know.
Why wouldn't we be okay? Nah, I don't know.
I mean, like the Motherland thing.
Oh, that.
Yeah, you're right.
That guy's a smoke blower.
I mean, all those rumors on the street, half the time they're just trying to manipulate the stock.
You guys would be the first to know, right? Right, yeah.
Well, I can't be seen consorting with losing teams, so-- See you later, Mark.
I have to go home now.
I have pressing familiar duties that I must perform and that I'll get yelled at for if I don't do them.
I have no duties.
I'm footloose and fancy free, a happy-go-lucky kind of guy.
- What are you gonna do? - Kill myself.
No, not if Motherland goes under.
I mean now.
Well, I better go in there and suck up to Monsignor Drentell, just in case Motherland does go under, and I got to find a job.
Well, suck up for me, too.
Kiss the girls for me.
- Winning is a state of-- - So, Miles, basketball camp really paid off, huh? Ha ha ha.
You tired? Hm.
Is it the second trimester yet? There's a rumor going around that Motherland might be sold.
No, it's all-- it's okay.
I don't believe it anyway.
So I don't have to feel guilty about the 16 new books I bought Janey today? - Good night.
- Good night.
[groans.]
[Elliot.]
I got it! I got it! [Elliot.]
Yo, Mike, go! Oh, way to go, Mike! [Man.]
Right down the middle, down the middle.
- [Woman in bleachers.]
Go! Go, Michael! Go! - [Man.]
Dunk it! [crowd cheering.]
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
- I'm telling you.
- You're not.
- I am.
- You can't.
I know I can't, but I am.
Russell's having lunch with her people.
Then they're going to call my people with the final word.
-Your people? - Me.
Carly Simon? People don't meet Carly Simon unless they live on Martha's Vineyard.
I'm just taking her picture.
I'm not going on tour with her.
God, Melissa, how did this happen? Well, her producer saw the cover I did for Dry Clean Only.
Oh.
All those crazy nights When I cried myself to sleep You should do an album.
Rod Stewart Sings Carly Simon.
Melissa, this is so cool.
This is, like, the real thing.
You're so vain You probably think this song is about you Yeah, you're so-- God, I really wanted to look like her, too.
That great, sexy mouth, and what were those suede boots that she was wearing on the cover of-- What was that thing? Oh, Melissa, are they paying you for this? I mean, this says that you're real good and that you should be paid a lot of money for this.
- They're paying me.
- No, no, seriously.
I-I negotiate things for the city all the time, and they're always trying to take advantage.
- Ellyn, someone's helping me.
- Who? - Russell.
- Russell? He's a painter.
Yeah, I know he is, but, see, he knows these people.
Actually, that's how they saw my work to begin with, and he's good at getting money out of people, and, Mother, it'll be fine.
Anticipation Oh, yeah.
[phone rings.]
That's Russell.
I recognize the ring.
So get it.
[rings.]
Okay.
- Then I'll get it.
- I'll get it.
I'll get it.
If it's Carly, ask her what really happened with James Taylor.
Shh.
Hello? Okay, is this Melissa Steadman, image maker to the stars? Russell? The deal, she be closed, and yes, ladies and gentlemen, the deal, she be berry, berry good.
- I got it? - You got it.
- I got it! - Yeah! - [singing "You're So Vain".]
- Melissa.
- Sorry.
- There's more.
More? No way.
The artist relations people are welcoming Carly to town with a party at the Black Abacus Saturday night.
We get to go, and we can bring along as many guests as we want.
- Isn't that great? - Great.
Tell all your friends to break out their too-hip-to-live clothes I've got to run, but I'll come over later to help you spend the money, and Melissa.
- Yeah.
- You earned this.
Okay? - Okay, bye.
- Bye.
Bet you think this song is about you, don't you? Don't you? Yes, tell me-- tell me what happened.
I got the job.
I know, but what was that all about at the end.
All that at the end? - Yeah.
- Justdetails.
You're so vain You probably think this song is about you, yeah [Michael.]
If they're sold-- you know they're sold.
[Elliot.]
Even if they're sold, it's still a company.
The management will stay, and even if they don't, it's still the same market.
Listen, they're going to want us to do a transition.
They'd be crazy to let us go at the same time.
We're the continuity.
All right, so I talked about the market share increases.
You talked about the new directions we've been planning for the last three months - that we actually came up with last night.
- Great.
Great.
[Woman.]
They're ready for you.
Mike, I'd like you to know that we at Aquitaine Consolidated have a strong believe in the importance of the small entrepreneur in the overall landscape of the marketplace.
Bob and I have been over the work that you've done, and we think it's just fine.
This kind of market share increase for a small company like yours is really very impressive, but I think you'll understand the situation we're presented with here.
We have a $2 billion relationship with Doyle, Dane, and Bernbach, and we have had that relationship now for nigh on 10 years.
- [church bell chiming.]
- It's a wonderful we'd like to continue for some time, and therefore we're going to have to let you go.
- [chiming grows louder.]
- We're terribly sorry about having to do it.
You're a young, strong company.
[Man's voice fades.]
Hello.
Hey, Brian, how's the game? Well, I'm worried.
Looked great in the store, but put against itself, and it seemed kind of dark, so I don't know whether to What? You had the meeting.
I thought it was this afternoon.
You had the meeting? How bad? - We're out of business.
- We are not.
Well, what happened? Tell me.
You want the condensed version, or do you want the full half hour of patronizing crap we had to sit and swallow and not even get a chance to reply to, let alone convince them-- Ha, convince them? That was a great idea, Elliot.
- Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
- Oh, uh - Can I get one of those? - No.
So you go out and get another account.
That's what I keep telling him.
I mean, they're not your only account.
I don't understand this.
When we landed Mother-- Before Motherland, we were barely getting by.
We borrowed money every month to make the payroll, and then in the span of one month, we hired designers, we finished the space, we bought all this equipment because we thought it was going to be cheaper than leasing it-- Because it was cheaper than leasing it.
- But you have other accounts.
- Fewer than we had before.
We actually blew off two accounts to make time for Motherland.
We will get them back.
And what do we do for payroll and rent until then? - We will borrow like we used to.
- Oh, Elliot.
Well, you just cut back until you get another account.
You could move.
- And what do we do with the lease? - Sublet it.
Sublet it.
Then we are in the commercial real estate business, Elliot.
That's great.
Michael, Michael, Michael, things will work out.
They always do.
You guys are really good.
I'm good.
He's dead weight.
This is nice fabric.
I'd use this on my sofa if I had a sofa.
[Man.]
So this place is really cool.
There was a whole thing they were doing.
It's what, 1910, 1915? We think 1911, but Michael swears the plumbing was put in in 1266.
- Uh-oh.
- [Hope.]
Hey, Miss Moppet, come here.
Come on, Janey.
Come here, sweetie.
Someone wants to meet you.
[Russell.]
Oh, no, I'm too shy.
Aren't you sweet.
Hi, who is this? Who is this? Hi.
What's happening? Is something happening? What's going on, huh? What's happening? Is this Big Bird? Oh, my goodness, are those finger-paints? Is that finger-paints? You want to go play? Come on, let's take Big Bird.
I'm going to walk you over to this spot.
- He available for babysitting? - Only for me.
Oh, I can sit down.
[grunts.]
So has Michael said anything to you? On any particular topic? Never mind.
What? Never mind what? There's something happening with the business, and I figure it's probably bad, because he hasn't been complaining about it.
What, Elliott's leaving for clown school? No, they're gonna lose their biggest account.
Who knows? So when do we get to meet her? Oh, you know, I don't even know when we're doing the session.
It's supposed to be this weekend, but these guys, they're saying, "She's flying in from Japan, she's going out to L.
A.
" You're not gonna meet her before the session? Well, there might be this little cocktail party or something.
- That's if she shows.
- Well, when is that? Well, that's supposed to be this weekend, but I'm not holding my breath or anything.
Hey, Liss, have you seen what this kid is doing with paint? - [laughter.]
- Hey, kid, you gonna become an artist and upstage your Aunt Melissa? Let me see that.
- So it was really nice meeting you.
- You, too.
We'll probably be seeing too much of each other.
- Probably.
- Starting Saturday night.
That'll be really cool, won't it? The party? - Oh.
- Melissa's so nervous.
It is so great that you guys are gonna be there for her.
So, Saturday night, 8:00.
Don't forget.
But-- I won't.
Outta here.
See you next week.
- 'Bye.
- See you.
- See you later.
- Okay.
'Bye.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Could you-- Uh-oh.
What do have, spies here? - Hey, Mark.
- Hey, Mark, how you doing? - How you guys doing? - We're getting by.
Get away from them.
You might actually learn something about this business, and then where would we be? Away from here? Go do work.
Produce.
Affirmative activate.
Get me accounts in the Third World.
Oh, yes, Mr.
Drentell, sir.
Right away, sir.
And let me trouble you just this moment to thank you once again for this opportunity to better myself.
- See you later.
- Take it easy, Mark.
So, you're dead.
Welcome to the world.
- We're not dead.
- We're just, uh, almost dead.
Isn't that like being a little bit pregnant? Actually, he is a little bit pregnant.
Sit down, children.
Tell me.
We can't go in your office? They're marbleizing my office.
Tell it to me here.
[Elliott.]
Well, actually it's just a two-word story.
Aquitaine Consolidated.
- They're buying Motherland.
- And booting us.
Because you got careless, didn't you? You thought you were invulnerable? You thought you were necessary? Nobody's necessary.
Chiat Day isn't necessary.
God isn't necessary.
I'm not necessary.
Oh, Miles, don't say that about yourself.
Okay, what do two hotshots like you need from a guy like me? No.
What do you want? Speak.
You want money? I'll give you $1.
50.
No.
No.
You want sub work? Forget it.
We never sub.
- Nice talking to you, Miles.
- Now I hurt their feelings.
All right, look.
I know, it's a big deal.
You started your own business.
Takes guts.
You got your soul invested in it.
You're scared.
I've been there.
[sighs.]
What do you want, really? Sub work.
We never sub out work.
Miles, we're as good as anybody on your staff.
But you're not on my staff.
- Look, we're talking about three months.
- Maximum.
Guys, listen.
Look around you.
Feel the air.
This isn't a building.
It's not an office.
This is a process.
Nothing happens in here.
A paper clip doesn't fall, it doesn't affect the equilibrium of the group.
Have you read Nishiru on the art of management? The individual has no importance.
Personality must subordinate itself to process.
Do you know what I'm saying? You're saying you don't do sub-work.
I like you guys.
I see myself in you when I was poorer.
Go.
Borrow money.
Will you think about it? Well, she didn't tell me anything.
He did.
Do you think Melissa is embarrassed by her friends and relations? Yeah.
Ellyn, Ellyn, no, she's not on the phone anymore.
Well, don't ask me.
[scoffs.]
I am not going to crash a party.
Besides, I don't have anything to wear.
I don't own rock 'n' roll clothes anymore.
Rock 'n' roll clothes? Hello, my other girl.
Hi.
Yeah, yeah.
- Hi, pumpkin.
- I am not gonna call her.
You call her.
Let's get Mikey to call her.
Okay, okay, all right.
Okay, all right.
All right.
Call me when you have a plan.
Bye.
So you talk to your cousin today? I was out of the office.
Why? Well, apparently she's going to this huge party for Ms.
Simon, and can invite anybody she wants, only she basically lied and didn't want us to know.
- Fine, she's embarrassed by us.
- That's what Ellyn says.
That's all right.
I'm embarrassed by us, too.
- Michael.
- Sorry.
[telephone rings.]
Hello.
Shepherd.
What? All right, wait a minute.
Liss is going to this big party, and how do you know she can invite everybody? - Russell told me.
- Russell told-- What? Gary says she says she couldn't bring anybody.
Ah, that's the point.
She's lying.
That's-- Gary said he never liked Carly Simon anyway.
What are we supposed to do? No, wait a minute, Shepherd.
No, you are not gonna crash the party.
What? Wait.
He wants to know what you're wearing.
Hey.
What? Green.
I don't know.
What are you gonna wear? Yes, it makes a difference.
Let's start with basics.
[TV Announcer.]
Shot? No.
Charles Barkley, the rebound.
Barkley power dribbles and weaves through traffic.
Charles to the hole.
Ka-ka-koom! Charles jams.
82-71.
The Sixers go on top of the Washington Bullets on a Barkley jam after the defensive rebound.
Why did I buy this? Am I out of my mind? You're a success.
You earn some money, you spend some money.
Yeah, more than Alfred Steiglitz ever made in his whole life.
- I'm taking it back.
- You are taking it home.
There is a moral lesson here.
What, that I should shut up and enjoy my success? No, that underneath all that shiny, sparkling money, you are still the same worthless schlemiel you always were.
Well, a better-dressed one.
[Mike.]
Hey.
Hey, yo.
Hi, Mike.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, you like it? This is my cousin Mike.
This is my friend Russell.
- Hi, Elliot Weston.
- Russell Weller.
- Michael Steadman.
Russell Weller.
Nice to meet you.
- I've heard a lot about you.
- Really? Anything good? Where you guys going? Ah, you don't want to know.
The bank.
Oh, what is this, like, really a problem you're having? No, no, we just like to look at all the money we don't have.
Oh, God.
So, Melissa, about this party you're not inviting anybody to.
What are you talking about? I'm inviting people.
[Elliot.]
Michael and Hope are boring.
I, on the other hand-- Oh, listen, you guys are invited.
Everybody's invited, right? Yeah, sure.
You bring a nice gift, yeah.
Sorry, I refuse to attend any party that would have me as a guest.
That's awesome.
Anyway, we gotta go.
Okay, well, listen, it's this Saturday night - around 8.
- 8:00.
- Yeah, 8.
Okay? - [mouths words.]
Carly Simon's overrated anyway.
- Ooh.
- Oh, come on.
- Okay.
- See you later.
- Nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Bye-bye, Russell.
You look good.
Thanks.
Good luck.
Hey, relax.
So that's it.
That is not it.
- Elliot-- - That is not it.
How are you gonna pay the seven salaries in our office? How are you gonna make the lease payment? How are you gonna pay for the upkeep of our equipment? We get 'em to defer their salaries.
We lie to the management company.
Come on, Mike, you know how.
By the skin of our teeth-- Elliot, there is no skin left on our teeth.
How do you lie to the management company? - What are you gonna do, just let it die? - Elliot, it is dead.
Now what are we gonna do? Oh, I see.
Fine.
16 months and bye-bye? No, Michael.
Elliot, what are you going to do? I don't know what I'm gonna do.
We're gonna go away, think about it.
Mike, you don't even want to talk about this.
You're giving up.
This is unreal, Elliot.
I can't even talk about this.
- You don't want to talk about saving the business? - I don't want to talk about you being completely divorced from reality, telling me what I'm gonna think about-- [sighs.]
Come on, Mark, I'm not gonna tell him where I got his home number from.
What, do you think I'm crazy? Because I'm asking.
Look, I got you that girl for the bra commercial, didn't I? Because what do you want me to say? Because we're in a lot of trouble and I really need to speak to Miles, okay? Okay.
All right.
Thanks a lot, man.
All right.
Okay, take it easy.
Bye-bye.
Hey, Hope.
Here they are.
Just put 'em anywhere.
I can't believe Elliot didn't tell me about this.
I am killing him.
I'm not panicking.
My new baby will not go hungry.
- The bank will not take away my credit cards.
- [children shouting.]
Ethan! I can't believe this is happening.
I mean, not now.
This was not in the plan.
Of course, breaking up wasn't in the plan.
What am I supposed to do? Well, at least you don't have to act supportive and pretend you're not completely terrified.
You're so loyal.
Michael gets completely freaked out if I even hint at being scared.
Which you are.
Which I am.
Hello.
I told them to burn the house down so we could collect insurance.
That should be no problem.
What do you care? You have no visible means of support anyway.
- Oh.
- Ow.
Oh.
Hope, I keep telling you-- Ow.
Why do you keep playing these stupid games when you always come home with some arcane injury? When are you gonna admit that you're old? I am not old, and I never get injured.
- Aw.
- [groans.]
What am I gonna do? What are we all gonna do? We are going to go to Melissa's party and sulk.
What kind of party do they have at the Black Abacus? Oh, cool parties with attractive people who pick each other up and go home together.
It's against the law now.
[yawning.]
Oh, how are we gonna stay up past midnight without the benefit of controlled substances? [yawning.]
[crash.]
Don't worry.
I'll pay for it.
Yeah? With what money? I'm taking a nap.
[Nancy.]
Is it possible to have a completely unbreakable house? [crowd cheering.]
[coach.]
Maurice to the sidelines.
Maurice, get a quick pitch.
Rich comes off.
Elliot's coming up top.
- All right.
- Hit Elliot.
Charlie, right there.
- Charlie's got his man one on one.
- [buzzer.]
[Announcer.]
Celtics lead 110-109.
13 ticks of the clock left.
It comes down to this.
The Celtics by one.
Jaminsky to inbound.
G gotta promote Cheeks.
Maurice wields it up top.
Weston starts the drive, double-kicks it back to Barkley.
Barkley trapped just right of the circle.
Looks and looks, five seconds left.
Finds Steadman, Steadman drills a drive to the hole.
Steadman in the air-- he jams, and the Sixers win.
The Sixers beat the Celtics 111-110 at the buzzer on a jam by Michael Steadman.
The Sixers advance in the playoffs, and next up, the Los Angeles Lakers.
But more importantly, they have defeated the Celtics on a spectacular drive by Steadman.
Did Jimmy run the play for you? Well, no, the play was supposed to come to Charles, and then Charles got boxed in, and he dropped the ball off to me.
I'm just happy the lane was open and I did my job.
- All right, and the Lakers are next.
- The Lakers are next.
[phone pad beeping.]
Yeah, hi.
Is Mr.
Drentell in, please? Oh, no, this is-- This is terrible.
Um, for the evening? Yeah, listen, this is Dave from the office, and we gotta fax some stuff out to San Francisco tonight, and he's gotta check it.
Yeah, I understand.
I don't want to interrupt his dinner, either.
You gotta understand, if this thing isn't perfect, then it's gonna cost me my job.
Oh, good.
The Rainbow Grill.
Okay, great.
And that's on 16th Street, right? Okay.
All right, good.
I appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
All right.
Bye-bye.
[Driver.]
It's folding down from on top.
- Oh.
- There you go.
Thank you.
It's hopeless, anyway.
Begging your pardon? I said it's hopeless, anyway.
What is hopeless? This face is hopeless.
I don't think this is true.
Thank you.
You been here long? Two year, seven months.
- From Russia? - Leningrad.
Ah.
You like Philly? Cradle of liberty, cheese steaks.
[laughs.]
They're not Kosher.
You're Jewish.
How you are knowing I am Jewish? Just a guess.
My grandparents were from Russia.
- What town? - Lestapastolobova.
- [laughing.]
- Is that right? She told me it means "last stop from the post office in Lobova.
" [speaking Russian.]
What do you want, you know? She's 76.
Her mind's going.
So, Steadman, Melissa.
You are a big success riding in limos? In America, everybody want to ride in limos.
To party, to wedding, to prom.
A high school kid, he has to look rich.
Everybody always wanting to know who's that big shot behind the tinted windows? Is American dream, yes? It's my first time in one, actually.
Ah, but not your last.
[chatter.]
Yeah, hi.
Double Scotch on the rocks, please.
So this was in the early days of D.
A.
A.
when we were just D.
A.
The industry was turning to stone, we took a sledgehammer to it.
Totally confident, totally fearless.
They thought I was the Antichrist of advertising.
- I loved it.
- How many clients back then? - 37.
- [laughter.]
So they let anybody in here, huh? Oh, no.
Where's your partner? I thought you guys were joined at the hip.
His wife surgically removes him every weekend.
Hi.
Elliot Weston.
Oh, now I'm gonna have to introduce him? This is my fiancée Cindy.
Dave Nagel of Nagel Stapin, his wife Elaine.
Elliot Weston.
So what? Are you looking for some hot action? Hoping to get some? Work off some of that tension? What's a guy like you hanging around here for? Miles, you're such a suave guy.
I hope he doesn't talk to you that way.
Which way? Right.
So you waiting for somebody? Hoping maybe we'll ask you to join us? God, no.
You guys are boring.
I'm just waiting for a party to start.
- Whose party? - Just some friends from L.
A.
L.
A.
? Cindy's from there.
Oh, yeah? You were doing some acting out there, were you? Yeah, if you can call it that.
They just wanted me to take my clothes off.
Hmm.
So you're from L.
A.
Maybe you know these people.
Carly Simon? Uh, Carly Simon's from New York.
She's coming in from L.
A.
Carly's in Philadelphia? She gets in tonight.
And you're going to a party with Carly Simon? Well, unless something better comes along.
Hey, there you are.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What'd you do, go by way of Camden? - Am I late? - No.
You want to meet her? - Do I have to? - Come on.
Uh, M-Miss Simon.
Carly.
Hi.
This is Melissa Steadman.
Carly Simon.
- Oh, Melissa, how are you? - Hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
I really, really like your work.
- My work? - Yeah.
- You like my work? - I really do.
Oh, listen, I really like your work.
Oh, thanks.
I've been a fan of yours ever since I was a-- - A while.
- Well, you know, I made my first album when I was 4.
[laughter.]
But listen, about the shoot, I'm really excited to be working with you.
And I thought of doing something a little bit different, for me, anyway.
Sort of getting out of the studio, out of doors, maybe onto a beach or on a cliff or with some atmosphere, some rain, some wind.
And in a long gown.
Something that doesn't feature your legs.
Exactly.
In fact, I-- I-- love the dress that you're wearing.
- This? - This is absolutely gorgeous.
Yes.
Maybe I could borrow it? Well, sure.
You're kidding.
Well, I'd really-- - Hi.
Hi.
- Ellyn.
- Carly, Ellyn.
- Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
I can't bel-- Hi.
You're great.
And your harmony is just the best.
Of course, Janey's favorite is "Itsy Bitsy Spider.
" Especially the later stuff of yours, because you know, "The Stuff that Dreams are Made of.
" You're so inspiring to me.
Like when you sang from your album "Torch.
" So great.
So great.
I just-- I just can't believe that I'm meeting you.
Carly, I'd like you to meet my cousin Michael.
Michael Steadman, Carly Simon.
- Hi, how you doing? - Fine, thanks.
It's good to meet you, Michael.
Thank you.
It's nice to meet you.
Weston.
Weston.
W-E-S-T-- Here, let me check it out.
Let me have it.
- Miles, this is no problem.
I know we're on here.
- Uh-huh.
See? Steadman, Weston.
Was with Steadman.
Weston.
How you doing? They're with me.
Come on, come on.
Who do you have to sleep with to get a drink around here, I wonder? So is Carly here or not? Yo, Carl! Yo! What are you doing with Miles Drentell? - Hey, nice party, huh? - What are you doing with him, Elliot? - I saw him at the Rainbow Grill.
- What were you doing there? Looking for Miles Drentell.
Wait, wait.
Listen, Mike.
He didn't say no.
He's jerking you around, Elliot.
He's the competition.
He wants to eat us.
So make yourself taste good.
Hey, you guys having an affair or what? Hey, Miles.
Not bad, Steadman.
Nice party.
Miles, listen, Mike and I were just talking-- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I have to bring this to Hope.
Mike, listen-- Mike.
So, Miles.
Yes, Elliot, my son.
So, Miles.
Elliot.
Try flattery.
That sometimes works.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Who's the guy with Elliot? The Dark Lord of Mordor, where the shadows lie.
Drentell.
The "D" in D.
A.
A.
Somewhere in his fevered brain, Elliot still thinks - he can get him to help us.
- What's he doing here? - Hmm.
Don't ask.
- Honey.
Oh, look, I gotta get outta here pretty soon.
- Talk to me.
- No, I can't here, honey.
Oh, this is really happening, and it's all over, and I'm standing here and people are dancing.
It's like I'm underwater.
My father's business, now my business.
- Don't say that.
- Hey, so is this weird? Can I get to go to a party like this someday? - She seems really nice.
- She is.
She's much nicer than me.
- Dance with me.
It's the least you can do.
- Maybe later.
- Oh, come on.
- Maybe later.
- Michael.
- Will you please tell this person that you absolutely did not pose those people in Rittenhouse Square? Come on.
I got 7 bucks riding on this.
- Come on.
- Later.
[romantic.]
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, wait a minute.
You can say a lot of stuff about me, pal.
You can talk about the agency.
But don't you say anything about Michael because he's the greatest guy.
You want insults? You're gonna get insulted.
Ah, you stupid snake head, you and your dumb bimbo girlfriend.
What? Are you talking about Cindy? You don't tell me what-- You dumb, arrogant scuzbag.
We've put more creativity into one year than you've ever seen in your entire useless, mediocre career.
Tell that to the IRS, yup-face.
I could give a flying-- More creativity than you could shove up your corroded nostrils, Miles.
- Don't you push me.
- No, no, no.
Elliot, Elliot, Elliot.
Time for his Thorazine, Steadman.
- Excuse me.
- Sure.
[knock on door.]
Hello? No, that's okay, that's okay.
I'm not really hungry.
I was supposed to have breakfast with Melissa Steadman, but she stood me up.
You remember her.
She used to be this really great photographer, but then she was co-opted by the sweeping commercialization of rock 'n' roll.
I only went back to bed for a second, I swear.
Yeah.
Listen, Melissa.
I talked to Hope this morning.
I gotta talk to you about Michael and Elliot.
Oh, if they want to be jerks about it, fine.
It's okay in the end.
I just wish there was another party for me tonight.
No, there's something going on with them you have to understand.
Look, Gary, last night might not have been the most important thing in the world, but it was to me.
The least they could have done was show some consideration.
Yeah, like you did by not wanting to invite them.
I invited them.
I invited them.
I invited everybody.
Melissa their business is going under.
What are you talking about? [chattering.]
Drentell's giving us $1 million.
And a yacht.
And his season tickets for the Sixers.
I can't talk to you right now.
Don't talk to me.
- Elliot-- - I don't get it, Mike.
I'm not stupid about life.
And I've learned things.
And I really thought I was being careful and making sure that I wouldn't do all the self-destructive things I'd always done to make sure things didn't work out.
Okay, so I ruined my marriage.
Fine.
But here-- Mike I tried so hard to be grown up here.
Working more or less the whole day.
Handing things in on time.
Trying not to sleep with the employees.
I just don't get why this as to happen when things were going so well.
I mean, I don't understand it.
So what we got to-- We just close up here? I talked to Craig and Walter.
Oh, it starts with the lawyers.
What they are saying is that, hmm-- If we want to avoid personal bankruptcy, Chapter 11.
Then we should close up now and finish the current accounts at home.
Ethan called me last night.
Hmm.
Says he wants to come to the office and play with the color pens.
Ah, damn it.
They know about this.
What are we suppose to tell them? What are they gonna do? Go out and try to find other agencies to hire them? Just like us.
[sighs.]
I don't get this, Mike.
Do you get this? No.
Um, can I talked to everybody for a minute.
Come on in.
Come on.
Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hey.
Listen, Mike, I, uh-- I didn't know what was happening.
I just heard about everything.
No, that's okay.
Yeah, well, I'm really sorry.
I mean God, all those people.
They'll be all right.
You know Tammy and Yuiko, you know they're always saying how much they love working for you guys.
Yeah.
Is that why you called Bernstein Fox today? Yeah, I got him an interview for tomorrow.
Yeah, well, I don't understand.
You know, I mean, you guys do the best work in the city, you know? It's so unfair.
Um, I, uh-- I have to go.
Yeah, all right, well, wait a second.
Do you need me to work for free or anything? Look, Melissa, I'm gonna get another job.
This is not a tragedy.
I'll probably end up making more money, so just forget about it.
All right, well, you know, Michael, I care about you.
Fine, good, okay.
I got to check on Janey.
- Well, you don't have to leave.
- I know.
Listen, Mike, it's just It's just that-- I don't know.
A lot's been happening for me lately, you know? I have to go.
All right, can you wait two minutes? It's just that I don't feel like I've been much of a friend or relation to you lately.
That's not true.
Well, it's just that I heard about this party, you know? Melissa, you don't have to justify yourself.
Right, look, let me just say it, okay? Okay.
I mean, I heard about this party, you know, and for one minute, I saw myself as Melissa Steadman-- you know, New York artist.
Two columns in Interview magazine.
And for five minutes I just thought that if everybody I knew was there, you know, that I couldn't be that.
Because-- Because that's not how they see me.
You know? But the problem is that's not how I see me.
Which is nobody's fault.
It's-- Oh, God.
Never mind.
I'll see you.
No, no, no.
Wait.
You're right.
You're not allowed to succeed.
I'm suppose to be ahead of you.
You know, I mean-- I mean, I'm 12, and you're 10.
Yeah, and you got zits, too.
Yeah, well, you wear falsies.
I do not.
And Allen Shapiro knows I don't.
You let Allen Shapiro go to second? Over your bra or under? Ugh.
Well, I'm gonna get my license before you.
Yeah? But you'll die first, too.
[coach.]
Hustle up, let's go.
Yeah, come on.
Humiliation.
[Elliot.]
Degradation.
Castration.
Ooh.
Ah, aren't they nice? [Michael.]
"Hey, Mike.
How you doing?" If I'm a schmuck, you fell on your butt this time, didn't you? [whistle blows.]
[coach.]
Pick them up.
Pick them up.
Work it.
[cheers.]
Yo, Mike.
[Elliot.]
Good shot.
Good shot, all right.
[Michael.]
Go, go, go.
[Elliot.]
Nice, Mikey.
[coach.]
Down there.
Down there.
Oh.
[Elliot.]
Oh, nice, Mikey.
Go, go, go.
Go to the hoop.
Go to the hoop.
[other team groans.]
Oh! [door closes.]
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon