Todd & the Book of Pure Evil (2010) s02e07 Episode Script

I have perused this file and I have to say, this is some sick shit.
A peephole in the girls change room? Hiding in the girls washroom and taking photos over the top of the stalls? I mean, what's next? Putting cameras up all over the school so you can spy on everybody? Usually, these matters are handled by the Principal but considering your close friendship with a certain Todd Smith-- I requested the opportunity to tell you-- Wait for it-- You're fired! You got the wrong dude, dude.
Todd: Guh! I can't believe this is happening! I hate Atticus! You know, without my job, I'm only half a dude.
Don't worry, Jimmy-- I'm gonna get you your job back, and then you're gonna be a complete dude again.
But, hey, wait, Jimmy, before you go-- I just need to know, did you-- You know-- It hurts my feelings that you would even ask me that.
I'm sorry, man, but-- You're kinda pervy.
I am totally pervy.
But I'm not the peeper.
Okay, Gang, THIS is our new mission! Hmm, what does it have to do with the Book? Absolutely nothing! But, we need to find out who the real perv is and clear Jimmy's name.
Maybe Jimmy is the real perv.
No he isn't, he gets tons of chicks.
Just 'cause he gets laid all the time doesn't mean he's not a perv.
It means he's a successful perv.
Look, I'm not saying that he's not a perv! I'm just saying he's not the peeper.
I mean, Curtis, you believe Jimmy didn't do it, right? Jimmy's cool and pervy and all, dude, but-- How well do we know him? I know him.
And I really need your help, guys.
Please.
Tacos? Pizza? Sushi? Tacos it is.
Alright, alright.
We'll do it.
But we want tacos! One taco each.
And no extra guac.
Deal.
Awesome! Now, the first thing we need to do is find one of the eye-witnesses and put the screws to them.
Whoa, remember-- They're victims, not criminals.
They've been ogled by a pervert.
Right, so, we're just helping them-- By helping them figure out who the real culprit is.
So they better spill-- Or else-- Yeah Yeah-- Yeah, girl-- Yeah, you stuff that bra-- Ughugh Uhhhh-- (laughing) Alright, Wanda! If that is your real name.
My full name is Wandafer.
Well, Wandafer, where were you when you saw a certain janitor supposedly peeping on you in the change room? I was in the change room.
Uh huh, and what were you doing in this, "change room?" I was changing.
A-ha! So you admit it.
You were getting undressed! As if you wanted to be watched! As if you needed to be watched! Todd.
She's the victim, remember? Look you moron, I already told the Principal what I saw.
It was that sleazy Jimmy looking at me through a peephole.
Mmmhmm-- But a peephole looks like this-- Now how is it exactly that you could see anything other than an eyeball?? Okay, maybe all I saw was an eyeball, but it was obviously him.
He's always hanging around making gross comments.
Like explaining different types of vomit? No, dummy, like commenting on our asses and asking us if we've ever heard of a Brazilian Smother Monkey.
(laughing) Oh, man! Jimmy is so awesome-- Curtis: What's a Brazilian Smother Monkey? Are we done here? Alright-- You're free to go.
But I'm gonna be keeping my eye on you.
Todd.
Victim! SLAM! See? She didn't actually see Jimmy do anything.
Todd's right.
In the spirit of due diligence I suggest we investigate the scene of the crime.
A responsibility which falls on us, Jenny, given its sensitive location.
The clitoris? No, the change room-- I don't get it.
(giggling) Jenny: Yup! This peephole looks directly into the girl's locker room.
Clues We need clues.
Let's shed some light on the subject-- Some ultra-violet light.
Look at all the DNA evidence-- Holy shit! Is that blood? Um, no.
Okay, that's nasty.
Oh boy.
What? What is it? Um.
Nothing.
Ugh-uhhhh-- They're onto me.
And I'm onto her face! (giggling) Did you hear something? Dude! Awesome news! We need you to jerk off into a cup! May I ask why? We can totally use your sperm to prove your innocence! Hannah has a sample of the pervert's splooge, all we need is a sample of your splooge-- Use it wisely, my friends.
Hey, Jimmy-- Don't lose hope, man.
You can't lose what's already gone.
See ya.
You know what? I'm not gonna need these-- Jimmy, no! Oh, and, uh-- There's some weed in the coffee can.
Oh, and the toaster-- Weed.
Air matress.
Lots of weed.
Matter of fact, anything that closes probably has some weed.
The result of the DNA comparison match was negative! Definitely wasn't Jimmy.
Ha! In your face, Jenny! Yeah, DNA in your face! Jenny: Let's not talk about that.
And for future reference, all I need is a cheek swab.
(spitting) AH! Ah, somebody peed in my drink! UGH! AH! Gross! (choking) Ahhhhh! (choking) (spitting) Ahhh! Ewww! (giggling) What the hell?! Huh? (laughing) I feel so violated.
I drank pee.
I think it's fair to say that the pervert and the occurrences in the cafeteria are related.
Now, I've accessed the school's psychological profiles and compiled a list of the top ten potential perverts at Crowley High.
Hey Todd! We made the top ten! Wait a minute-- I recognize that eyeball-- I've seen it before.
Uh huh-- Ohyeah-- Oh-- He's been peeping on us for, like, a year now.
And you never thought of mentioning this? You can't rush Todd's process.
He'll blow his idea wad too soon.
We need to go find Atticus.
He fired an innocent man.
Oh, hello former Gang members.
What can I do for you, or not do for you? You fired Jimmy for a crime that he didn't even commit! Which makes you a bigger asshole than normal! We have DNA evidence which exonerates him.
Crowley High doesn't recognize DNA evidence.
Or global warming.
Or evolution.
Maybe, but you do acknowledge the existence of the Book of Pure Evil.
Hm-- That got your attention, huh? Tyler the Pervert used the Book to turn himself invisible so he can peep and perv out for forever! I could care less whether Jimmy is innocent or not.
All I care about is doing everything in my power to hurt you, Todd.
Eh-- What's that appearing in the air? Even if Jimmy wasn't guilty, which he most certainly is, he went down for the pervert's crimes.
It looks like a chocolate bar? So why would this Tyler use the Book of Pure Evil if he'd already gotten away with the crime? Huh? That's no chocolate bar.
(farting noises) Oh-- Uh-- I see my logic has stunned you all into silence.
No, the invisible perv just took a shit on your desk.
Gah! Somebody get the janitor in here! You fired him, remember? Quick! Someone close the door so we can trap him! (laughing) I thought my ass was cooked when all those chicks complained Then, the book came to me and my filthy prayers were answered.
Give us the Book, Tyler! You know this is just going to end badly for you! Never! After years of hiding in shame, I can finally perv in the open with no remorse! (Tyler laughing) Ah, damn it! He's escaped! Well, at least we know for sure who has the Book.
I was going to throw that desk out anyway.
This is Tyler's locker, dudes.
Stand back.
(Todd struggling) Maybe Curtis should show everyone his new trick? Fine-- With my latest modifications to Curtis' arm, he can systematically go through every possible three number combination in a matter of-- Whoa-- Ewwww-- Ewwwww-- Oh! GASP! Tyler's clothes! He's running around naked! Oh! Dudes! Check out all this porn! This guy's like a 10th level pervert.
I mean, I've heard of them, but-- I never thought I'd actually get to meet one.
Cock-to-pus? Oh-- I get it.
I'm gonna hold onto these for-- research purposes.
Hm, but no Book of Pure Evil-- Atticus on PA: Attention, students of Crowley High! I don't want anyone to panic, but there is an invisible pervert on the loose.
And he will be watching you.
And you won't know what he will be doing when he's watching you.
So watch out! Because he will poop on your desk.
Did you tell Jimmy the good news? I would, but I don't even know where he lives.
And I don't have his phone number either.
Everybody's trying really hard to stop the invisible perv from watching them and-- You know-- Masturbating.
The thought of him watching me while he chokes his chicken makes my balls shrivel up.
Dude-- You don't have to worry.
Check it out.
Not an inch of skin visible.
Let's see Tyler try to ogle me now.
I dunno, Jenny, if you ask me I think that outfit's pretty hot.
I agree, it's very, uh, fetishistic.
Oh this old thing? Come on, guys-- I put this on when I don't care what I look like.
We can cover up as much as we want, it's not going to stop Tyler.
But this might.
I'm turning Curtis' arm into a pheromone detector.
Using a sample of Tyler's DNA, we can track him down Like a bloodhound.
That's a dog! Of course, if that doesn't work, we can always rely on old Sanddragon.
Todd, why do you keep bringing that thing to school? I don't want that invisibator slapping his wang anywhere near me so I'm just gonna keep swinging Sanddragon until I get him.
Jenny: That's a ridiculous idea! All Tyler has to do is stand five feet away from you-- SLICE! Tyler: AAHHHH!!! What was that?! Todd: Holy shit! Holy shit! I totally got him.
Ahhhhhhhh! Ew! Tyler: Ow! My hand! My favourite hand! Tyler: You're so dead, Todd Smith! Follow that blood trail! The trail stopped-- My shirt wanted off, so it jumped off.
Damnit, Elliot.
Hannah: We lost Tyler.
Jenny: He must have taken Elliot's shirt to wrap around his bleeding stump.
Why did you have to cut off Sir Jerkalot?! I'm gonna get you, Todd Smith! Oh shit-- this is gonna hurt.
AAAHHH! I'm cauterizing the wound! Who knew cauterizing a wound with fire could hurt so much? AAAHHH! How long does cauterizing take?! To think like a perv I must immerse myself in the porn of a perv.
(exhaling) (hand slapping) Man, this weed must be super-strong.
I can't feel my cock at all.
(Tyler giggling) Tyler: Do me a favour, turn the page, tighten your grip! Ahhhhhhhhh! (Tyler laughing) Ahhhhhhhh! Sorry, asshole, but you take a guy's jerk off hand and he's forced to improvise! Just use your other hand, idiot! It's not the same! Uh! Tyler: Ha ha! - Ugh! - Ahhhhh! (Tyler laughing) Ughhhh-uh-uh! I'm taking you down, Todd Smith! (laughing) Hahaha! (Tyler choking) UGH! Ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA! UGH! (Tyler laughing) WHACK! CRASH! HA! In your face! Fryin pan! CLANG! Uh-- - Woo- - That's it.
My pheromone detector is ready.
This is nice.
It's not often we get time to ourselves, I mean with having to constantly fight evil.
It is nice.
It's, um, super nice.
And you're super awesome, Hannah.
Has anyone seen Todd? Were you two about to make out? How does this thing work exactly? Um, it beeps faster the closer Tyler gets-- Let's go find Todd and track this pervert down.
(Tyler laughing) Uh-- What the fuck?! (Tyler laughing) Okay, dude, listen to me! I know how you must feel.
Being invisible must totally suck, right? You know, I thought being invisible was gonna be the best ever! At the beginning I was beating off so much! Oh, if only you could see my penis right now, it would be so raw.
Ugh, gross, dude-- But soon I realized something was missing.
Sure, I could jerk it with impunity, but the real thrill was the risk of being caught.
And now that kick is gone.
And I'm just a lonely kid stuck in an invisible jerk off purgatory for the rest of my sad little life.
And that's why you will feel my pain! Not just because you took Sir Jerkalot! Sir who? That's what I named my left hand.
What do you call yours? My left hand.
Look! It's Sad dragon! It's Sanddragon, get it right! Whatever! Obviously, Tyler got to Todd before us! We better find him fast! - Yeah.
- Whoa! (Tyler laughing maniacally) (Todd whimpering) Okay! Dude! I know I cut your hand off! But that was totally an accident! (Tyler laughing) Gouging my eyes out isn't gonna bring your hand back! Oh, I'm not gonna gouge out your eyes, fucktard.
I'm gonna burn your cock and balls off! Ah ha ha ha! Can we please go back to the eye-gouging? Not so fast, Tyler the Pervert! Tyler: Awesome! You're just in time to watch me burn your buddy's nuts off.
Guess again! Time to even the odds! Curtis! We can't see you? BEEP Well now you can't see us! Todd: Get him! Get him, guys!! Todd: Are you guys getting him? (fighting and struggling) Curtis: Huh? Aww-- I'm not gonna sugar-coat this-- Really shitty rescue, guys-- Tyler: Now you're all mine! (Tyler laughing) Fuck knob! Peep on this! WHACK! Tyler: Ugh! I feel so violated! Hannah: The Book! Tyler: Ugh-- My nuts, my nuts! So disoriented-- I'll lean against this rack-- Of blades?! Oh, the blades are slicing my naked flesh! They are slashing my skin to ribbons! Ahh! My other hand! THUD! Todd: Oh! Come on! Too much blood! How will I ever be able to get an erection again?! So thirsty! Some fresh water from this water pipe will quench my-- Ohhhhhhhh! The hot steam is searing my skin! It's blistering! It's peeling off! The pain is indescribable! I must sink to one knee! This chain will help me stand up! Fuck! The life is draining out of me- Dying-- Dying-- Dyyyyying! Dead Ugh-- Wow, Jimmy-- Way to get involved! What can I say, man, this time-- it was personal.
Hey, Jimmy, thanks-- Me and my johnson owe you big time.
Jenny: Yeah, Jimmy.
And I'm sorry I thought you were the pervert.
Eventhough I still think you're a pervert.
Quick, Jimmy, gimme the mop-- That's cool-- The least we can do is help you clean up what's left of Tyler.
Ah, don't worry about it, kids.
This is a job for the janitor.
What? Hey, Curtis, let's go smoke a J! Jimmy, it's so nice to see you again.
Hey, I've got an idea.
How about you remove this turd from my desk and I'll review the allegations against you? How about this one? How about you give me my job back and I'll do my job.
So we're making a compromise, wonderful.
Wonderful.
Get to it.
The only thing I don't understand is how did you know we were in the furnace room? Well, I'm sorta-- living in the school, dude.
I don't have anywhere else to go.
Oh, shitty, dude.
You know you can always crash at my place.
No, I can't do that.
Oh, yeah, a guy's gotta have a sense of pride, right? Something like that.
Hey, Jimmy-- Thanks for saving me from getting my dick burned off.
Any time, kid.
Come here-- Any time.