Animaniacs (2020) s02e08 Episode Script

theme song playing ♪
‐ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
‐ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
‐ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan‐ey, totally insane‐y ♪
‐ This horse's mane‐y ♪
‐ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
dramatic music ♪
[screaming]
[thunder]
[sneezes]
‐ Blegh.
‐ It's working, Mrs. Brainble.
Soon, this putrid nutrient slop of yours
will have broken their spirits entirely,
making these orphans the perfect
worker drones for my latest plan
to seize control of the British Empire!
‐ Oh, it is good to see
you smile, Mr. Brainble.
I'm so happy!
We're living in blissful
matrimony, and [laughs]
me accent don't seem
so out of place for once. Narf!
‐ Please, sir, can I have
seconds?
‐ Seconds!? Wait,
you actually like
this fetid calorie paste, urchin?
‐ I love it! But, this is a guy
who literally eats a dump truck
full of garbage in the intro,
so maybe take my opinion
with a grain of salt.
‐ Egad! A grain of salt! Genius!
♪
‐ Gruel, gruesome ol' gruel ♪
Tastes like milky fishes ♪
You think that it's cruel ♪
But I think it's delicious ♪
Foul, rancid, and stinkin', boys ♪
Just look at it splashin' ♪
[screaming]
If you won't be drinkin', boys ♪
I'll slurp up your rations ♪
[rhythmic slurping]
[slurping]
Just thinking of eating it ♪
Is enough to make me drool ♪
Oh, gruel, sickening gruel ♪
Maggoty gruel ♪
Gruesome ol' gruel! ♪
What's for dessert? Is it more gruel?
[growls]
Ah! Whoa!
Now, where am I gonna get my gruel?
‐ There is this one place I've
heard of that still serves gruel,
but it's all the way in London.
‐ How far is that?
‐ Ah, about a 10 second, 19 frame montage.
♪
[sniffing]
♪
And it should be right
‐ But you're not even holding a map!
‐ Some improv partner you are.
[sniffing]
What's wrong, boy?
Fire down at the old mill?
‐ Timmy's fallen down a well?
‐ The advent of the industrial revolution
has led to cheaper material goods,
but at great human and environmental cost?
‐ It's gruel!
♪
foreboding music ♪
FAGINSNIFF:
Ah It appears we have new guests.
Velcome, my dearies. [laughs]
I am Dr. Faginsniff.
‐ Howdy doody!
Name's Yakk Dawkins, Faginsniff,
better known amongst me more
inti‐mates as the Artful Yakker.
This here is Dottie Bates.
‐ How dare you call me Dottie!
‐ It's your name in this sketch, sis.
We all have to make adjustments.
Look at me! I'm wearing a coat!
‐ I'm still not wearing any pants.
It's in me contract.
‐ And this pants‐less wonder
is Wakkiver Twist.
[sniffing]
‐ Ah! He wants the gruel, ja?
Well, young Wakkiver,
we vork for our gruel around here.
So, tell me, what are your qualifications?
‐ Qualifications Well,
I'm fluent in sarcasm,
I'm a three‐time Emmy Award viewer,
I did four years of contemporary
and two of tap‐‐
‐ Uhp‐uhp‐uhp‐uhp. Entertainer, eh?
Well, we may have some use
for you after all. For you see
In this sketch, one thing counts ♪
Musical numbers, large amounts ♪
This slop you see don't come for free ♪
You'll have to sing a song
for your gruel, boy ♪
Have to sing a song for your gruel ♪
‐ Bowls like these don't grow on trees ♪
You'll have to sing
a song for your gruel ♪
‐ Singing? Ah, that's easy.
We've been doing that
since 150 years from now!
‐ Hey, mister, can we join, too?
We get higher residuals for songs.
‐ Uh huh
If I should use their act ♪
To pick pockets as they distract ♪
Huge returns for us to earn ♪
Yes, you can sing a song
for your gruel, kids ♪
You all can sing a song for your gruel ♪
ORPHANS:
As they mislead, we'll do the deed ♪
You all can sing a song for your gruel ♪
‐ Pickpocketing? But we're chaotic good!
It would go against our
whole character alignment.
‐ You could hear all that?
‐ Just 'cause you sing it,
doesn't mean we can't hear it.
‐ [laughs]
That would be a ridiculous rule.
‐ No, no, no, no.
I didn't say we pick pockets.
I said we do "click and collects."
We are eine redistribution center.
You see,
we redistribute wealth from those
who have it to us.
[laughs evilly]
What do you say?
Join us?
[sad dog whimpering]
♪
[laughing]
♪
[thunder]
Pinky & the Brain theme music playing ♪
‐ Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder]
♪
‐ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius ♪
The other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
PINKY: Ooh, look, Brain!
A quiz about toxic friendships!
Question one,
is your friend a good listener?
‐ Silence, Pinky.
Egwind and I are working.
[beeping]
‐ Thanks for letting me be
a part of the team, Mr. Brain.
I really appreciate being
given the chance to shine.
‐ And shine you will, Egwind.
Using optogenetics, I will fire
this modified blue light laser
at your amygdala.
By activating the neurons
that cause aggression,
I'll finally have an assistant
with a true killer instinct!
[beeping, whirring]
[laughing]
‐ Ah!
♪
[roaring, snarling]
‐ Yes. Yes! It's working!
[roaring]
[snarling, grunting]
[roaring]
[floor creaking]
‐ Farewell
‐ Well, I suppose one
must break a few eggs
to make a bad egg.
This time, I'll just
dial things back a smidge.
[whirring]
‐ Question two, does your
friend take advantage of you?
[beeping]
♪
[grunts]
‐ Pinky? How are you doing?
Are you feeling anymore vicious?
‐ Vicious? No, Brain, I swear!
I gave that up after I was
banned from the aquarium!
‐ [sighs] Alas, you're unchanged.
Perhaps I dialed it down too much.
Let's give you another zap
♪
[grunting]
[gagging]
Pinky let me go
‐ Sorry, Brain,
I don't know what's happening!
I can't seem to control my hands!
[straining]
[Brain yells]
[whimpers]
♪
[gagging]
‐ Fascinating.
Somehow, only your hands
have acquired a killer instinct.
They now have a mind of their own
and are functioning independently,
as if you are Destiny's Child
and your hands are Beyoncé.
‐ [grunts] Ooh! Nice reference, Brain.
You see? I told you getting
that lifetime subscription
to Rolling Stone was a good idea.
♪
[yelling, struggling, gagging]
[yelling]
‐ Enough is enough!
You do whatever you'd like to Pinky,
but my equipment is worth
more than well, Pinky.
[whimpers]
‐ Uh oh. I'm not sure my hands like
being tied up this way, Brain.
Ah!
‐ Oh no you don't! Get back here.
[grunts]
[exclaiming]
‐ I'll never forget you, Brain!
[cars honking]
MAN:
What? Ah!
[screaming]
[sirens wailing]
[explosion]
‐ Ah!
Perhaps I've unleashed an intelligence
so devious and cunning,
it can never be contained.
Perhaps my scientific hubris
has at last gotten the better of me.
Perhaps I've finally gone too far!
[screaming continues]
Nah.
♪
I must formulate a contingency plan
in case I'm forced to destroy him.
‐ Destroy who, Brain?
‐ P‐Pinky!
How did you escape the authorities?
‐ Oh dear. Well,
they tried to take me to
the station for questioning.
And then, remember that scene
in Silence of the Lambs?
It was just like that,
except I didn't need
to steal anyone's face.
My hands just did it for fun
I'm sorry, Brain. I do
nothing but cause trouble.
I'm hopeless.
‐ Hm. On the contrary.
Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?
‐ I think so, Brain,
but nothing in the rulebook says
a possum can't play Frisbee golf.
‐ The only thing emptier than your skull
is my promise to start flossing. [grunts]
[bones cracking]
[gasps]
Ah. What I mean to say is
your dexterous digits
may be exactly the thing
I need after all.
With their help, I can finally carry out
my grandest, most ambitious scheme yet.
Excavating frozen mastodons
to create an army of super soldiers!
‐ Aw, cute!
‐ Ow!
Fine. Uh, then what say you
to changing the Earth's rotation
with a giant electromagnet?
‐ I don't get it, but I love it!
‐ Ow! Uh, roger that.
How about causing society to crumble
by altering the DNA of
a deadly insect? [gasps]
♪
Okay then. Then, help me
take over the world!
Not as my assistant or rivals,
but as partners.
Shall we shake on it?
PINKY: Talk to the hand
'cause the Pinky can't
physically control them anymore.
♪
‐ Pack your bags, Pinky.
We are going to Bethesda, Maryland.
‐ Ooh! What's in Maryland, Brain? I mean,
besides Fort McHenry, Camden Yards,
the Chesapeake Blue Crab,
the Walters Art Museum,
Crystal Grottoes Cavern,
Edgar Allan Poe's memorial,
and the National Aquarium,
which I've not yet been banned from.
BRAIN:
The National Institutes of Health.
‐ That's it! That's the one I forgot!
[grunts]
‐ Inside this building
is the sophisticated gene editing
tool known as CRISPR.
Once we've unlocked its secrets,
we will engineer a mosquito
with an extra‐large stinger.
Anyone bitten will scratch themselves mad,
unless they come to me for
my specially developed itch cream.
‐ Egad, terrific, Brain!
A foolproof plan as usual.
‐ But first, we'll need to find
a way inside the building.
♪
‐ Say no more, Brain! It appears
I've got that under control.
‐ Whatever harebrained
scheme you've got, Pinky,
it's not going to‐‐
Wow. That's rather impressive,
Pinky's pinkies.
‐ Thanks, Brain!
Now, please turn off and stow
all electronic devices
for absolutely no reason
at all as we prepare
for liftoff!
Woohoo! [laughing]
♪
‐ Alright, Pinky. To enter
the most restricted areas,
we will need to procure
an identification badge
with the appropriate clearance.
That is why you and I
are posing as lunch ladies.
‐ How theatrical, Brain!
[grunts]
‐ This powder will turn the shepherd's pie
into a gastrointestinal nightmare.
[screaming]
Once their pants are down, we will
[people screaming]
[grunting]
‐ Doo doo doot doo doo.
We will what, Brain?
‐ Pinky,
there are three little words
I've never said to you before.
That was cool.
♪
Drat. We're too small to reach
the security access pad.
But, if I can lure a dog
in here with this whistle,
we can stand on its back and‐‐
PINKY: [laughs] Brain, I think
my hand is trying to tell you
that you're number one!
♪
[beep]
[door opens]
‐ You're just spoiling me.
Now, to engineer our super mosquito.
♪
You look for the CRISPR
instruction manual,
while I sedate the specimen
by reading it a bedtime story.
[grunting]
[grunts]
‐ Hm?
Hm? Oh!
[beeping]
‐ Or I could just leave everything
in your capable hands. [sighs]
[beeping, typing continues]
[screeching]
I must say, you're really coming
in handy on this adventure.
[laughs] Get it, Pinky?
Handy? Where'd you go?
‐ I'm over here, Brain!
By this Jack and Jill bidet.
[buzzing]
♪
‐ Huh?
[maniacal laughter]
[explosion]
[alarm ringing]
Pinky, stop fooling around
and bring back that bug! [coughs]
‐ Okie‐dokie, smartichokey!
Ow!
Ow! Hey!
Don't make me come down there! Ow!
[screaming]
♪
[alarm continues]
‐ Well, that stings a bit. [coughing]
I must find a way out of here!
[screaming]
[clanging]
Ah! Ah! Oh! [panting]
Pinky! Are you out here?
PINKY: Brain!
I'm over here on this chubby little plane!
[muffled grunt]
♪
[grunts]
Oh dear. My hands betrayed Brain,
and I can't stop them!
What should I do?
The only responsible thing I can do.
Well, folks,
it looks like I‐270 is backed up
all the way to the Beltway
because of a closure
in the right two lanes,
and do try to avoid the area
around Chevy Chase as there is
a four‐alarm fire at
the National Institute of Health.
‐ Hold still, Pinky.
I just need to crack open your hood
and give you a tiny tune‐up.
‐ Okay! Sounds good.
[whirring]
BRAIN: Ah!
♪
[grunting]
[grunts] Ah!
Ah! Ow.
[yelling]
Ow! Ow!
[straining]
[screaming]
PINKY:
Hey! You two!
If you wanna kill my friend,
you're gonna have to go through me!
[choking]
I never got to see Paris
[choking] Texas
[helicopter whirring down]
[coughing]
‐ Pinky!
Pinky, are you alright?
sad music ♪
[whimpering]
[sniffling]
‐ Brain! You saved me!
[gasping]
♪
‐ You received a concussion in the crash,
which seems to have reversed
the alterations to your amygdala.
‐ Oh, that's so wonderful to hear, Brain.
I was so tired of not having
any control over my body!
[laughs]
‐ Come, Pinky. We must return
to the lab to lick our wounds
and prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why, Brain, what are
we gonna do tomorrow night?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
‐ They're dinky, they're Pinky
and the Brain, Brain, Brain‐‐ ♪
[buzzing]
♪
♪
‐ Okay, orphan Warners.
Wakkiver needs his gruel.
What are we gonna sing?
‐ Let's not go through the whole
rigmarole of you pretending
you don't wanna sing your
countries of the world song.
It's getting old.
‐ Countries of the early 19th century?
This might be a quick one.
♪
Yakko's World music playing ♪
Great Britain and Prussia,
the Empire of Russia ♪
Two Sicilies, Sulu, Siam ♪
The Papal States, Zululand,
Persian Empire ♪
And Jolof, Kaabu, and Bhutan ♪
Ashanti and Toro, Punjab and Bunyoro ♪
Holy Roman Empire is gone ♪
Dahomey, Bukhara, Selangor, Bambara ♪
The Ottomans, Parma, and Kong ♪
There's Brunswick Bavaria,
Central America ♪
Schleswig and Saxe‐Coburg‐Gotha ♪
Archduchy of Austria,
next Queen Victoria ♪
Goodbye, the Empire Maratha! ♪
China's Empire of Qing,
Bhutan calls Norbu king ♪
The lovely free city of Bremen ♪
The Afghani Emirate, Aden Protectorate ♪
That's what they used to call Yemen ♪
Kingdoms Gomma and Khiva,
Limmu‐Enarrea ♪
The Sultanates Maldives, Perak ♪
EGWIND: [grunts] Ah!
♪
‐ How'd we do, boss?
‐ You have met the targets und quotas.
[coins rattling]
[slurping]
‐ I know I've said this before,
but can I have seconds‐‐
‐ Nein! One meal per day!
No more!
‐ Well, at least give us
our cut of the profits.
Oof.
Queen Victoria has really let herself go.
‐ Is eine Fagincoin.
Completely decentralized,
private, instant payment,
very low transaction fees.
Is the next big thing!
Just wait till our ICO. [laughs]
You'll see.
‐ So, lemme get this straight.
We don't get a proper meal break,
you don't pay us a real wage,
and you take all the profits.
How is any of this legal?
‐ Why, it's the miracle of
independent contracting.
Let me explain.
[Warners screaming]
Conceive of yourself, freelance ♪
Conceive of yourself,
not a real employee ♪
Sign here, you don't have to read ♪
Certain legal protections might
be something you concede ♪
Conceive of yourself, well poor ♪
Conceive of yourself,
part of the inventory ♪
We've taken away your rights ♪
You'll find that there's no overtime
when you are working nights ♪
If it should chance to be that
you have made a small mistake ♪
Or need a bathroom break, tough luck! ♪
So, go out and sing and dance,
and if you pee your pants ♪
Then, I don't give a‐‐ ♪
‐ Good night, everybody!
‐ Nein! Your shift goes
for another eight hours!
♪
‐ How come they always
get more gruel than us?
It's not fair!
‐ Well, because they are pickpoc‐‐
I‐I mean,
because they are employees.
Ja. That's what they are, young Wakkiver.
They do a harder job.
You are only eine temp worker.
[stomach growls]
‐ Can I be an employee?
Please?
‐ Hm Boys!
Take Wakkiver out with you
und show him the ropes.
He wants to become
an employee.
[laughing]
‐ Great Britain and Prussia,
the Empire of Russia ♪
Two Sicilies, Sulu, Siam ♪
The Papal States, Zululand,
Persian Empire ♪
And Jolof, Kaabu, and Bhutan ♪
Ashanti and Toro, Punjab and Bunyoro,
Holy Roman Empire ♪
‐ Huh? What?
Stop! Thief!
[Yakker stops singing]
♪
[grunts]
‐ [Cockney accent]:
Duh, 'ello, 'ello, 'ello!
Duh, what is all of this then?
‐ This gutter snipe stole my handkerchief
while these two gutter snipes
distracted me!
‐ Hey! We prefer the term waifs.
‐ Or ragamuffins.
‐ Tatterdemalions for me.
‐ Tatter‐duh‐‐ eh, duh, uh aliens?
‐ That was surprisingly close.
‐ You three are coming with me!
‐ Don't worry, sibs. This is London!
Birthplace of due process!
Innocent until proven guilty.
‐ Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!
10 years hard labor!
Have them deported to the colonies!
‐ Here you go, pal.
Get us a nice cell on the ship, hm?
Something in premium convict
‐ Passing fake currency?
Double their sentence! 20 years!
‐ That's not fake! It's a Fagincoin.
‐ Yeah! Our boss pays us in it.
♪
[crowd gasping]
‐ Oh, I knew it was a bad idea
to come to the trial, but,
you know, I just love
these procedural dramas.
‐ 30 years hard labor
for circulating counterfeit tender!
‐ Ah! [grunts]
♪
‐ Send him to Australia!
‐ He means Austria, ja?
Oh, it will be so nice to visit home.
Ah!
[clattering]
[whimpering]
‐ I suppose I owe you an apology.
I didn't realize that awful man
was preying on your
desperation so callously.
I'm sorry.
‐ That's okay, Mrs. Lady.
Just adopt us like in the original
story and feed us gruel
for the remainder of our natural lives.
‐ Side note, we might be immortal.
‐ And we'll call it a day.
[elephant bellowing]
[screaming]
♪
[crying]
‐ Parliament will crumble
like an over‐floured Scottish shortbread!
Onwards, vile orphans, onwards!
[laughing]
‐ Wow. Maybe we should've
stuck with that storyline.
‐ Yeah. Looks way more interesting
than our heavy‐handed
treatment of workers' rights.
[bellowing]
♪