Axe Cop (2013) s02e08 Episode Script

"The jester," "anchors aweigh," "snaky tiger," - "lunch lady.
" - Wow! He skates like he fights.
It's art, really.
All right folks, time for "couple skate" competition, where you and your partners can show off your skills and compete for big prizes.
Singles, you need to clear the roller rink now.
Axe Cop, buddy, it's "couples" skate, don't embarrass yourself.
That means you, police guy with the axe.
Ugh.
- Couples skate? That's gross! - I hear you, man.
But you look like a pretty confident guy.
Why don't you just get a girlfriend? No woman on Earth is good enough for me.
Who said anything about Earth? Check this out.
- It's an interplanetary dating site.
- That's dumb.
It's pretty scientific, actually.
Uses love algorithms and whatnot.
And next week's prize is the ultimate space trampoline.
What?! Wexter! Whoa! Axe Cop! What gives? I'm going on the internet to find a girlfriend so I can win the ultimate space trampoline! Two large containers of gummy worms, just like we agreed on.
Soon Axe Cop will find the perfect girlfriend and fall right into our trap.
One day, at the scene of the fire the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! I need a partner now.
So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
My name is Flute Cop.
Let's go inside a mouse's imagination! I will chop your heads off! You realize most chicks aren't cool with the gone-all-day-and-night fighting-crime thing, right? But you know who is? Your best friend! Yeah, you're looking at him! You gotta stick with me, man.
I'm not listening to you.
I need to be in a couple so I can win the ultimate space trampoline at the couples skate.
"Personality: the best.
" "Idea of a perfect date: tricking a thousand bad guys into eating poisoned tacos, then watching them die.
" Done.
Submit.
Axe Girl? From Axe Planet? Problem solved.
Grey Diamond, you're in charge of the phones.
Bye.
Whoo-hoo! All right! First order of business, we're going to talk into this part and listen into this part! The perfect city.
Down there! - You must be Axe Girl.
- And you must be a genius.
Of course I am, I'm Axe Cop.
You are my new girlfriend and will help me win the couples skate.
So tell me, do you already know how to rollerskate or will I have to train you? Train me? No one trains me.
My only job is to kill bad guys and I'm already the best at it.
Um, and by the way, you wanna be my boyfriend? Barf.
First of all, I'm the best at killing bad guys.
But the reason I'm here is because I'm the best at winning prizes.
And next week's couples skate grand prize is the ultimate space trampoline.
Did you say, prizes? Okay.
I will allow you to be my pretend boyfriend so we can win the grand prize.
But after we win you are automatically dumped, and no holding hands.
Fine.
I would never want to hold your hand anyway, - that's gross.
- Hexter! Hmm, not bad for a triceratops.
Wexter is, of course, better.
Oh, Axe Cop, take a closer look.
Hexter here has unlimited bullets.
Have you ever seen anything so lethal? Must be a new model.
In any case, time to practice our moves.
Lace up, Axe Girl! And I can't fight this feeling anymore I've forgotten what I started fighting for it's time to bring this ship into the shore and throw away the oars forever First place, Axe Cop and Axe Girl.
Congratulations.
What a show.
Here is your big prize.
Yes! I win! - Grey Diamond.
- Hey-yoo! Bring the ultimate space trampoline back to the station.
Ahem.
Oh, actually, Axe Cop, I have to head back to Axe Planet now, and I'll be taking the trampoline.
Axe Girl, while I thank you for you help, let me explain how this will work.
You may come by the station and jump sixth turn, after my turn, Grey Diamond's turn, Flute Cop's turn, Sockarang's turn, my turn again, then your turn.
Ah, right.
This trampoline is mine.
I'm the better skater, I had the best moves, so, I won the prize.
Oh, and you're dumped.
Bye.
Wrong! I have the best moves! It's my ultimate space trampoline, I won! I'll chop your Excuse me, police officers with axes, I can help you solve this problem.
It's called an interplanetary couples therapy retreat.
That's great! I don't know one person who doesn't love therapy.
Ugh.
Fine, let's go.
Grey Diamond, hide the ultimate space trampoline - in the secret spot.
- Oh, for sure, bro.
No one's ever gonna find it under your bed.
Three large containers of sugar dip sticks, just like we agreed on.
Phase two of our plan, complete.
Two perfect axes walking right into our trap.
Welcome, Axe Cop and Axe Girl, we all know relationships - take work, - and part of that work is compromise.
Ugh, this is taking too long.
You, announce that I won the ultimate space trampoline fair and square.
Well, what I think we're trying to say is that maybe you two can work together on the solution here.
All right, fine.
I get it seven days a week, and she can have it zero.
Umm, I think what he meant to say was that I get it all days of the year.
No! That is not what I meant! - Excuse me? - Hey, hey, hey, you two.
Shouting and pouting stops healing and feeling.
- Please, relax.
- Just look into Our eyes.
- Is it working? - I think so.
- Tell them to do something.
- Stick your finger up your nose.
- It's not working.
- Cross your eyes, and stick your tongue out.
Pat your head and rub your stomach.
No one can hypnotize me! I'm wearing hypno-proof sunglasses! So am I.
I'll chop your No! Wait! Spare our lives! We can lead you to an even bigger head to chop off.
- Bigger? - You tell him, dear.
We're from the beautiful Planet Tutukaka.
Our world is in trouble.
And since you two aren't very good listeners, we tried to hypnotize you into helping.
We'd just like to show you a short educational film.
It will not try to hypnotize you.
It's just for learning.
- Ugh, fine.
I hate learning.
- Shut your trap, Axe Cop.
But yes, I agree that learning is dumb.
_ Our once beautiful planet of Tutukaka has recently been infected with horse measles and has grown an evil, gigantic moon head.
This mutation is relentlessly consuming all the inhabitants on our planet.
There's only one hope.
The mutated moon head needs to be destroyed by two perfect axes at the same time.
_ Now, that's why we brought you two together.
You're perfect fighters, and you have perfect axes.
Please, will you help us? A planet with a bad guy head? - I'll chop its - Ahem.
Ugh, fine.
We'll chop its head off.
But, let's make this interesting.
If I chop off my side better, I get to keep the trampoline.
Thank you for making this so easy, Axe Girl.
- Girls are so dumb.
- Thank you, Axe Cop and Axe Girl, but we must hurry.
Where's the trampoline? This was smart to hide it under here.
At least nobody found it.
We must hurry.
Grey Diamond, you're in charge of judging.
Let's do this.
I just hope I don't accidentally chop your head off, Axe Cop.
Although I obviously wouldn't because my precision is stellar.
- You wish, Axe Girl.
- Okay guys, let's go over the rules.
I want a nice, clean jump here, and in the event of a tie, the trampoline goes to me.
Let's get it on, and let's have fun, and let's jump! Grey Diamond, let's go! - One, two, three - Jump! Ha! Oh, no, Axe Cop! Axe Cop, hold still! Ha! I'll chop your head off! - You are our heroes! - You saved our home! Be quiet! Grey Diamond, who won? Oh, it was exactly a tie! That's so weird.
Well, unfortunately, the trampoline goes to me.
All right! Ugh, fine.
Ultimate space trampolines are boring anyway.
I now prefer the trebuchet.
Ahem, Axe Girl, thank you for saving me from the Tutukaka tail, even through I would have been fine without your help.
- Gross, Axe Cop, come on.
- I am never gross.
But, you will always be gross to me.
And dumb.
Thank you.
Well, it's time for me to return to Axe Planet.
Never bother me again with your stupid ideas.
Unless, of course, they're prize related and I don't have to share them with you.
Hexter! There she goes.
Girls are so dumb.
The jester! Anchors aweigh! Here comes the snaky tiger! And the lunch lady! Ah! Oh, no!