Batman (1966) s02e08 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
Thus far, we have seen King Tut and his tank full of lovelies.
While his Tutling heists some amber beads.
But why? A vitamin pill and a call for help.
Even Batman is stumped.
His one lead a lead pestle? An unholy operation to release sacred scarabs from their ancient tombs.
Shock treatments to resurrect them.
Shocking.
The pestle leads to an apothecary shop but Tut escapes with his scarabs.
All but one, that is.
A breeding farm for the plague? No, even worse.
Abu raubu simbu tu, a deadly potion to paralyze the will.
A clever ploy of Batman's.
Robin in the sphinx.
And the Boy Wonder gives it away.
A precarious perch for the Boy Wonder.
And Batman to the rescue.
But does Tut have the last word? Don't go away.
The most horrendous is yet to happen.
Farewell, my moldy sparrow.
In the name of Anubis great jackal-headed patron of the super-criminal I commend you to your fate.
Ha, ha, ha.
Come, my loyal lieges, let's away.
I love my crocodiles madly, but I dislike the sound of their chewing.
Heh, heh, heh.
And I'm sure the commissioner awaits his pill.
Don't forget to feed the scarabs.
- Hang on, Robin.
-Batman.
Hang on, old churn.
I'll try something else.
Don't lose heart, Robin.
Here I come.
It was my fault, Batman.
Dropping the Bat-radio in the sphinx.
I'll be more careful next time.
Experience teaches slowly, Robin.
And at the cost of many mistakes.
You know how wives are, Chief O'Hara.
It's our anniversary, and I promised I'd take her to lunch but leaving this office under the circumstances Think no more about it, commissioner.
I'll be proud to take over for an hour or so.
I consider it an honor that you've asked me.
I hoped you'd say that.
Miss Patrick, Chief O'Hara is in charge of this office until I return.
Please, follow routine procedure.
- Have a good time.
- I will, now.
- Your pill, Chief O'Hara.
-I never take pills.
-It's routine procedure.
-Hm? BATMAN".
Commissioner, thank heavens I've reached you in time.
Oh, the commissioner has just stepped out, Batman.
This is Chief O'Hara.
I'm in charge here for the time being.
Well, thank heavens I reached you, Chief O'Hara.
There's treachery in that office.
The commissioner's summer secretary, the one who's replacing Bonnie is King Tut's current queen of the Nile.
- Begorra.
-We'll be there within a half hour.
But don't be persuaded to take one of the commissioner's vitamin capsules.
Oh, don't you worry, Caped Crusader, I wouldn't even think of-- I already took one.
Are me eyes playing me tricks? King Tut, here in this office.
How did you get here? Didn't anybody see you? Yes, they saw me.
But I spoke to that charming and cooperative secretary of yours and told her we wish to be alone for a little private chat.
Unmitigated gall.
On your knees, helot.
You got the wrong helot.
On your knees anyway! The devil you say, Tut.
You'll not bend my will to yours.
Batman, look.
What's he doing out there? I suspect the worst, Robin.
Chief O'Hara, take it easy.
Hi.
Hello, down there, me buckos.
He's doing a dance out there on that itty-bitty ledge.
Ha, ha! Yeah, I know.
My every whim is his command.
- Oh, Tut-tut, give another whim.
This is boss.
-Heh, heh, heh.
I'm spoiling you rotten.
I never could resist a pretty queen.
- Chief O'Hara.
-Huh? Sorry to disturb you.
A little acrobatics.
Use the pole.
Oh, that's very good.
Don't fall.
Heh, heh, heh.
Holy high wire.
It's Batman and Robin.
Eeh! He should be giving my crocodiles indigestion by this time.
How do you suppose he got out of that locked tank room? Chief O'Hara ought to know better.
It's unwise to condemn what we don't understand.
He can't help himself now.
But let's try to talk to him.
Let's away again, my pet.
- We have enough sport for one morning.
-Without even seeing him? Batman, that is.
Cleo, just what does Batman mean to you? Oh, I guess it's all that restoratory power in his body.
Or Or whatever he said.
Restoratory power in his body.
Mm-hm.
I'll give you restoratory power.
Get in there! Her wheelbarrow Through the streets Wide and narrow Chief O'Hara, come in now.
Come on in, chief.
Easy, now.
Chief O'Hara, it's time to come in now.
- It is? -Come along.
Easy, now.
That's it.
Take it easy.
MY pets.
My babies.
My beautiful emerald black cherubims.
They all must die.
Yes, Your Kingship.
But remember, it's for an evil cause.
And also remember that they will yield at least 95,000 gallons of abu raubu simbu tu.
Zowee! That's enough bug juice to clop everybody in Gotham City or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik.
If you say that again, I'm gonna slap you.
But you're right.
After scarabating the city water supply I'll make loyal subjects of them all.
- You weren't born yesterday either, Tut-tut.
-Heh, heh.
I just hope we can get the stuff brewed before Batman finds us.
Batman, that big ninny.
I'll have him eating out of my hand.
And that'll have him drinking out of it.
And I'll use Chief O'Hara as the catalytic agent.
Well, we'll have to use Commissioner Gordon.
He's back.
- Chief O'Hara's left.
-That's even better.
The time has come to execute my royal master plan.
Royal lapidary, prepare the transfer of the sphinx while I pay the commissioner a brief call.
Ha, ha, ha.
I say the first order of business is to have Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara removed from office.
I mean, we can't have police officials who are helpless pawns of a master criminal.
Here we are, sir.
Six glasses of buttermilk.
Oh, thank you, Alfred.
You can discount Chief O'Hara.
Robin, I suspect he's the victim of happenstance.
That still leaves Commissioner Gordon.
Unfounded suspicions are often dangerous, old man.
Maybe, but we'd better do something.
Agreed.
If we're to thwart Tut's evil scheme I suspect the answer is to be found in these dusty pages.
If there is an answer.
For every venom, there's an antidote, Robin.
I've already discovered that the Nile Oasis Scarab became extinct Yes, commissioner.
I'm very sorry to disturb you, but this is very important.
Now, listen very carefully.
This is what you have to do.
Very well, commissioner.
We'll be there right away.
The sphinx has reappeared.
He's in Jefferson Square Park and it's making predictions just as I predicted.
Loyal subjects, I have returned.
And now for my latest prediction.
Your all-powerful, all-conquering, all-good, friendly pharaoh will reduce water rates give you more drinking fountains, and will positively stamp out Bat brutality.
This is a promise.
This is a plague.
This is a recording.
Oh, the Batman, and Robin the Boy Wonder.
You heard? New slogan, same old Tut.
But he's right about one thing.
Our fair city could use more drinking fountains.
I'm parched, aren't you? Oh.
A quaint, old-fashioned refreshments cart.
Ha, ha, ha.
May I treat you to a lemonade? Thank you, commissioner.
That sounds refreshing.
- Boy Wonder? -No, thank you.
Very well, son.
Two, if you please.
I hope you know what you're doing, Batman.
He seems quite his old self.
Fine.
Thank you.
Ah.
Thank you, commissioner.
To your health.
Never been better.
I'm top-hole and as eager as ever to fight the forces of evil.
To that too.
I'll get that.
And may the first super-criminal to feel our righteous wrath be King Tut.
I'll sign that one on the dotted line.
It's for you, Batman.
Excuse me, commissioner.
Surely, surely, surely.
It's King Tut, Batman.
And he insists on talking to you right now.
He does, does he? Well, I've got a message for him.
Tut, this is Batman.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Of course, my good and friendly pharaoh.
Your every wish is my command.
I hear and obey.
What is it, Batman? What's the matter? Batman, what's wrong? I can't tell what it is, but I think something's happened to Batman.
He may have fallen under the spell of King Tut.
Can't you do something? Batman.
Commissioner Gordon.
Batman, we bring you greetings from His Kingship Tut.
I hear and I obey.
Batman.
Never mind, Robin.
Never mind.
Making progress, royal apothecary? Tanks are almost full, Your Kingship.
Good.
As soon as my visitor arrives and pays me homage we'll conclude my royal master plan.
-Ha, ha, ha.
Hail, mighty Tut.
Take heed, loyal subject and note well that what was prophesied has come to pass.
Mine enemy kneels at mine feet.
Here's another one, boss.
On your knees, Bat-brat.
Never! Get up, Batman.
You see, ex-Boy Wonder? He now responds only to my command.
Tut, you are the greatest.
I had planned a command performance to prove that this cringing crusader is no longer cock of the walk but merely a court jester, a buffoon.
But I see by the royal apothecary that the tanks are filled.
I must be off about my affairs.
- Tut-tut.
-Yeah? Can I command a performance of my own while you're gone? I want a jester of my own.
And you shall have one, my queen.
After I have scarabated the water supply you can have your choice of anyone in Gotham City.
Anyone who's left, that is.
But these two are going to be fed to my crocodiles right now.
No, no! Not Batman! Another outburst like that, Cleo and my crocodiles are going to have a three-course meal.
Hm? He's filled his purpose.
And anyway, my slithering lovelies missed their lunch.
Tonight, they shall have a truly succulent feast.
Ha, ha, ha.
Take them away.
I'm off to the waterworks.
Your Kingship, Batman's come out of his spell.
Correction, I never was under your spell, Tut.
Oh, I drank your cursed lemonade but I took the precaution of coating my stomach with buttermilk.
Gosh, Batman.
A pure and simple stratagem to divine the super-evil crime you planned not only against your fellow man but against Mother Nature herself.
Buttermilk.
Ugh.
A plague on you, Batman.
- Tutlings, sic them.
-Ah! Unh! Unh! Not now! Open that hose valve.
Keep your hands off my abu raubu simbu tu! No.
Not my life's work.
My life's blood and that of my lovely scarabs.
All for naught.
For naught.
You.
You! You're the one.
You're-- You're the nicest man I've ever met, Batman, and this humble servant kneels at your feet.
His formula, it's working on him.
Poor deluded man.
He's walking a tightrope, Robin.
Abu raubu simbu tu plays no favorites.
Gotham City has narrowly averted a catastrophe of major proportions.
Too bad that such a distinguished professor in his twin trauma should become his own Cavia porcellus.
Ca via parcel/us? Guinea pig.
I'm appalled, Batman, truly appalled to think that I could have betrayed my high office.
And to have slipped you a polluted lemonade.
Don't give it another thought, commissioner.
That will be all, young gentlemen.
Complete your assignments and hand them in tomorrow.
Not again.
I'm off to a faculty meeting.
Oh, you're off, all right, but not to a faculty meeting.
Your phony Egyptian friends await our royal presence at the local tombs.
Well-- Ah! I'm a professor at Yale.
You can't do-- The PTA shall hear of this.
- Where am I? -Are you going to try him in court? I haven't decided yet.
With your approval, I'd like to think it over.
No choice is easy in a case like this.
I agree completely, commissioner.
The law of this city is in your hands.
We just try to help a bit here and there, wherever we can.
So brave, so dependable and so modest.
Rare in men these days.
Very rare.