Better Late Than Never (2016) s02e08 Episode Script
To the Sahara and Back
1 MALE NARRATOR: Africa.
Birthplace of civilization.
Home to exotic cultures and unparalleled beauty.
[ALL SHOUTING, SINGING.]
NARRATOR: They're back.
Morocco, here we go.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
NARRATOR: Four living legends.
He's here to make Morocco great again.
[RECORD SCRATCHES.]
NARRATOR: Saddle up again for an adventure they'll never forget.
- Oh! - Oh my god.
Whoo! NARRATOR: Starring TV superstar - Cultural icon - I'm a Lithuanian warrior.
- NARRATOR: NFL hall of famer - [SCREAMS.]
NARRATOR: Former heavyweight champion Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [SCREAMING.]
- NARRATOR: As the sidekick.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! NARRATOR: Tonight the adventure continues in Morocco.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
We are somewhere.
- In the middle of nowhere.
- Whoo! NARRATOR: Just when you thought it was safe to go back on vacation.
- This is camel? - I'm gonna be sick.
[GROWLING.]
- Oh, my God, you're second.
- Lead the way.
Here we go.
The s'more.
[COUGHING.]
Guys, it's happening, Bill's going.
[LAUGHS.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
- - Well, time for Henry's wish.
Our final man picnic of the trip.
I have a confession to make.
I've never, really, ridden a motorcycle.
I don't like motorcycles.
The Fonz road the bike.
Different human being from Henry.
Well we should get on a Vespa, which is very simple.
Let's go out to the desert, where Lawrence of Arabia rode his camel.
You gotta face your fear, Henry.
All right.
Do I wanna put myself in this situation? Apparently, yes, I'm going to.
Fire it up! Little bit, little bit.
There you go, there you go.
So here we are, it's almost over.
- I know.
- We've each chosen the one thing we're gonna do before we get on that plane to go home.
- Mm-hmm.
- I am proud of you! I don't think this is a good idea.
- It's a great idea! - I am conquering my fear, I am riding that scooter.
My anxiety level is orange, the same color as my scooter, but I'm gonna do it.
- Yes! - Pick your feet up, Henry! There you go! Whoo! Go, go, go! Now we're going to ride our scooters into the desert.
Yee haw! Bill's last wish before we went home was to go to the desert, and I'm thinking, "Are we gonna survive this?" Come on Henry, you can do it! - - Ooh, ooh, ooh, hey What is this place? - What is this, hotel tent? - It's a "mo-tent.
" This is where we're gonna stay tonight, guys.
- - - This is a mistake.
- We gotta stay here? - That's the whole idea.
- You wanna drive back? Where does everyone swim, or hang out, or eat? - - We're in the middle of nowhere.
We are somewhere.
- In the middle of nowhere.
- That's right.
- This is our room, huh? - Yeah.
- - - Oh, there are only two beds.
- I sleep with Henry.
Okay.
I've already shared a bed with Jeff, And Terry.
Why not George? If I sleep on the edge, is there enough room for three over here? C'mon Bill, Bill, I don't wanna come between you.
No, you would never come between us.
- Terry, where are you going? - Check this out.
- Ooh! - You got tees? Look at the delicious stuff here.
Terry, look! Food, Terry! - Nice, T.
B.
! - Whoo! That'll be there for a million years.
I salute North Africa.
We have been a lot of places on this trip.
But the Sahara Desert is majestic.
- We're in North Africa, man.
- C'mon! We are sitting here having a cigar, - in the Sahara Desert.
- If you've gotta take a dump, just go over the ridge.
Just don't take a dump by a big boulder or a little bush or something.
You might get bit.
- By what? - Snake.
- What? - Boy.
This is we're in the Sahara desert for the first time.
Look at the romance! Well if that was green, I'd say, "Wow.
" But that's just a pile of dirt out there.
That was green at one time.
Well, Bill, I wasn't here 5,000 years ago.
Well, I was.
That's where you're going, right? That's where you're going, aren't you? That's what he said.
Beat you to it.
Our great adventure is slowly coming to an end, so I wanted this to be really special.
The Sahara Desert, exotic land, always wanted to be here.
It's all strange, and not part of our tradition, part of our culture.
You guys really will do anything to get away from your wives.
- Look at us.
- I actually There's not a person in sight! I asked before I could come.
Did you ask? I didn't ask, I begged.
- True.
- [LAUGHTER.]
We're going to get on camels and visit the Gnawa people.
That's our adventure for - Gnawa? Gnawa? - The Gnawa.
People of the desert, the Gnawa tribe.
- [CAMEL GRUMBLING.]
- It's camel time! God, this is bumpy.
What's your's name? Santa Claus? - Angel Burst.
- Oh, Angel Burst.
- He's got a great voice.
- [CAMEL GROWLING.]
We're coming to the indigenous people.
Look at it! The Gnawa tribe, they have their culture to which they're indebted to.
It's something to be admired.
- Look at this! - I like that hat.
Gotta love it! - - Uh oh! It's the parking that's hard, huh? - Lean back.
- I'm trying! I'm trying! There's a technique to getting - on and off a camel, you know.
- Ah.
It's something you didn't share with me, Bill.
Come on.
Get down there.
That a girl.
Come on, get the hind end.
The hind end down, there we go.
Camels have to sit down real slow, real steady, and it looks real weird.
Bill's the same way.
- Let me sit on this one.
- You want this one, or you want the tall one? - And down, down, down, down.
- He sits like a camel.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- I got a bit of an advantage.
I speak the language.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- Bill starts speaking French.
Nobody wants to hear Bill speak French, except Bill.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- - It's a toast.
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- A toast in Arab - [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
.
- [ALL SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- All the good things - that's gonna happen to me.
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
ALL: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah - Oy, oy, oy, oy We sit down with this mysterious tribe that I've never heard of, and they pass around this booze, and I just grab it and drink it.
[SLURPING.]
Are you okay, Terry? Ahh, it's good stuff! [LAUGHTER.]
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
I'm not sure what was in that drink.
When we drink we do it right [VOCALIZING.]
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
Like a G6, like a G6 Now I'm feeling so fly Like a G6, like a G6 I'm proud of George.
Not one time has he drifted off.
Well how can he drift off? It's like being in one big alarm clock.
Everyone's banging drums and dancing around.
Never stopped him anywhere else we've been.
- That is true.
- Hell yeah You can put your hands up [ALL CHEERING.]
- Beautiful.
I'm telling you.
- It's so easy to think, "Oh, we're so different from one another.
"Oh my goodness, their traditions "are so different from ours.
They're not me, I'm not them.
" And then you start making music together, and there are no boundaries left.
What is incredible, with no language [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- We just came together.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
And we were connected right here.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
In North Africa! - Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
This whole experience is about going to places that you wanna see.
Quite honestly, before Bill dies I mean, before you die.
- Catch it.
- No! Go! Run, Jeff, run, run, run! I second degree burns! - Wow, this is really good.
- What kind of meat is that? What do you mean, "What kind of meat?" - Is it cow? - [BURPS.]
Okay.
Okay.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
I brought you out here 'cause it's the result of a dream.
Coming to Morocco.
This is the romance.
The moon is out, and we're out here in the Sahara Desert at night, and there's nothing alive.
- - Getting on camels, meeting the indigenous people, - singing the songs - Yeah.
Is this like a culmination of a dream? You can't even put this into words, actually.
I thought I did.
Guys, I got a little something for you that's gonna remind you OF YOUR CHILDHOOD: s'mores.
We're in the Sahara.
We're looking up at the sky that is eternal, the wind coming off thousands of miles of sand, and there's Jeff Dye, making s'mores.
This is a great idea, the only thing is the sticks are not long enough.
- Oh my god.
- Ahh! [BLEEP.]
- Okay, so - Ouch! It took away from the moment.
But, I got over it.
I love these.
I used to go to summer camp, I was a counselor, and we used to do this.
Is that how you met your wife? - True.
- No.
I met my wife when I was doing "Happy Days" and I had enough money - Were you on "Happy Days"? - I was.
I was a guest star, and I had enough money - You were a guest star? - No, no, no.
No, George, that's sarcasm.
I wasn't, but I only had one day of work a week.
I only had six lines in the beginning.
But I made enough money so I could buy a - my own sport coat.
- Nice.
And I met Stacy in the store.
- That's beautiful.
- Yeah.
Son of a bitch! Why you guys cuss like that for? It's hurting my fingers.
It helps me with pain.
I'm not sure the pain of roasting the marshmallow is worth the s'more.
[COUGHING.]
Guys, it's happening, Bill's going! - No, no.
That's - [LAUGHS.]
Stick this down my throat! Out of all the ways that Bill's beautiful life could have come to an end, not one of us picked marshmallow.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Everyone lost the death pool.
Did you achieve what you wanted to achieve, Henry, here? I did.
I honestly have never ridden a Vespa, or anything like that, ever.
Because of you guys, I rode it, we rode it quite a way - You overcame a fear.
- Because of you.
I would not have done it without you.
I never would have done it.
Made me as happy as a kid.
On that bike, I had this private moment of almost wanting to scream eee! - I was really happy.
- How was that scream? - Really, I'm serious.
- How'd the scream go? Eee! Really, though.
What about that boxing gym? - Oh, my God.
- Wow.
- That was great to see.
- You came alive.
Trying to express to those guys to bringing the punch back.
- Isn't that something? - That was really great.
- And we saw some talent there.
- Yeah.
Automatically balanced, balance that I never had, they have it.
Being in that gym and watching you come alive, and watching you I mean, like with those children and telling them what they needed to know.
Why didn't you fight those kids, George? You could've had a come back right there.
Knock 'em all out.
They could whip me those kids.
That was that was very dangerous.
He could have fallen in the fire! - I was hoping he would! - Falling in the fire is right! Are you kidding me? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't kick him forward.
- No! Oh, [BLEEP.]
- Oh! - Run, Jeff! Run, run, run! - Ahh! What did he do? He stuck that fiery marshmallow.
Oh no.
I knew you were afraid of bugs and heights, I didn't know you were afraid of a little marshmallow.
It was on fire, Jeff.
Where is he? Ho! Soon as this pain subsides a little, I'm gonna kill you.
I have second degree burns! That's the only degree you'll ever get.
Come here! Look at that.
- What are you laughing at? - I'm not laughing.
You can't get it off, 'cause you'll burn your fingers up.
Look, I've got skin falling off my knee.
You gotta just sit there, and you just have to Look look at this! I got a bubble.
I got a blister bubble.
This tastes like a fake knee.
Boy, oh, that hurt.
- Say you're sorry.
- I am sorry.
- Okay.
- I wanted to be in the romance of the Sahara Desert.
If you were still for a moment, you wouldn't hear anything.
Hey listen, we're star gazing with Captain Kirk.
I know.
I watched the first step on the moon, on a black and white television set, alone in a pasture on Long Island.
I couldn't cash a $15 check after "Star Trek.
" And I had a little black and white set, and I was looking at the moon, and it was about like this, and looking at it, and I was with them 'cause I had met 'em three months earlier.
- Wow.
- I was in drama school with fellow actors who were playing Monopoly, and then all of a sudden it came on the television.
"One step for mankind," and holy mackerel.
Oh yeah.
I was a sperm.
Well, I guess after that joke, - it's time to go to bed.
- Get some sleep.
[SNORING.]
How's your knee, big fella? It's a little warm.
Let's leave George here, he's asleep.
- Dibs on big bed! - [SNORING.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
Morocco.
It's so foreign to us.
Peculiar, interesting, different places.
So I've set up this place for us to eat.
I hope the guys appreciate it.
This is food in Morocco, but American food.
- Oh, American.
- First of all, how'd you find this place is what I want to know? I was told about it.
I thought the guys would enjoy this cultural cuisine adventure.
They're burgers.
Not quite the burgers we know in America.
But they are burgers.
Welcome to Café Clock.
Can I take your orders? The menu is in French.
The menu is in French, they don't know what they're ordering.
I know what we're ordering.
I'm gonna order for you guys.
Black cash Let me do it in French.
Tabbouleh, de la sal le de, tatooka.
How's he doing, Bill? Not well, and I gotta order for you.
Hey, I took French in college, I know French! Oui.
Bonjour.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- Bill is speaking in French.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
I have no idea what he's saying.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- Yes, okay.
- Ah, good.
- That's French, man.
- Hello, so the burgers.
- Wow! - Whoa! - All right.
- This actually does look nice.
Now this is really good stuff.
- Yeah.
- Who doesn't love a great burger? Thank you.
A good old fashioned cheese burger.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
This is really good.
They were really loving the burgers.
Is this good or what? I wonder where they get the meat from? What kind of beef is this? - Look at it.
- What kind of meat is this? Uhh What do you mean, what kind of meat is it? - Is it cow? - It's gotta be cow.
- It better be, I would - Did you order? Well, what I don't What do you mean? You don't know? That's a tough one.
[SUSPENSEFUL STRING MUSIC.]
Camel.
Wait a minute, I'm eating Lucille? I'm not eat camel, I know.
- This is camel? - Yes, this is camel meat.
Camel is my friend.
- - - Camel's good for you.
- It was delicious, I must say.
They're the best camel burgers in town.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be sick.
The only problem is, how do we get home? We ate our ride.
- This is a cultural center.
- What? This restaurant? No, this is a camel burger joint.
Well, the camel burger place is also a cultural center.
- Oh.
- And I've invited a Moroccan storyteller, so feel the culture.
- - Moroccan culture is antiquity, long before lights and television and The culture is a storytelling culture.
- Right.
Yeah.
- You sit around and you tell stories.
- I'm up for that.
- Hello everyone.
Welcome to the storytelling session.
You listen and you learn Moroccan morality, the laws of custom.
This way we can share these stories.
- I like stories.
- Yeah.
- Are you ready? - Yes.
We are ready.
I think I just want to take a minute of telling a story, filled with adventure, with the color of the time, with a moral.
I got a story.
- What's he doing? - Okay.
All right.
I'm driving along to the airport to get on the plane to come with you guys.
- Got it.
- And all of a sudden I see a sign, and it says, "Labrador retriever for $10.
" I want to get up so bad and go somewhere else.
I walk outside, I walk into the garden, and there is a beautiful Labrador retriever.
Ah! I'm trying to be respectful, but good golly.
He's looking at me, and I'm looking at him.
I say, "You are beautiful.
" The dog says, "Thank you.
" I said, "You speak?" He said, "Yes I do.
" Oh the dumbest, stupidest oh.
He said, "I used to work for the CIA.
I took notes and then passed it along to the government agencies.
" Here's a list of the places that I'd rather be.
On top of Tokyo tower, 1,000 feet above the ground.
Hey! Oh that is just stupid! Eating bull balls in Madrid.
Put it back, but don't eat it.
Having my chest waxed by Jeff.
Oh, God! All of these, you put them together, I would rather be doing than listen to this story.
I walk back inside, I said, "Sir, you're selling this dog for $10.
The dog speaks.
"How could you do that?" He said, "I'll tell you why.
That dog is a liar.
" Thank you.
Thank you.
Hah! Thank God! I have some follow up questions about the story.
I want I want to tell a story.
Mine is really short.
Oh no, no, no.
- Short story.
- Okay, that's it.
I'm never gonna get through this story.
Farmer in Louisiana is bailing hay.
- Oh geez.
- Young farmer.
His bailer gets caught and sticks.
Gets off the tractor, crawls under the bailer, and he hits it, and he hits it, and he hits it, and finally the stick comes loose.
But when it does, it grabs his arm, and jerks his arm off right here at the shoulder.
- Right off his body? - Spits it out.
- Bill? - Yeah.
- This is a very long story.
- It is a long story.
And he goes back to the little country town that he lives in.
Oh, Lord.
Do you have any idea what this story is about? No.
And he thinks he can attach your arm.
Ignorant.
- Ignorant.
- Unbelievable! He walks outside, the news people are there from all over the world, and they said, "Farmer Brown, how did it go with your surgery?" And he goes, "Two thumbs up!" - I get it, I get it, I do! - Hey, is your pops funny? - Yeah.
- Huh? You like it? - Yeah, you killed it.
- Did you like it? Yeah, you killed it.
Look at me, it was fun, wasn't it? Like you died a slow death up there.
- You didn't like the joke? - I loved the joke.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you.
Bye.
Thank you.
Well, how much for that blue one? For you? $5,000.
- $4,500.
- Oh, God.
- No, no.
- What? - Y'all did not barter, at all? - Well no, I - What barter? - I taught him how to barter.
He taught me how to barter.
You know, I noticed this mad picnic is kind of a Hollywood thing.
Howie wouldn't do it, Strahan I know wouldn't do it, Jimmy Johnson would hang up.
- No, he would not.
- Trust me! I'd go in there and mess up his hair.
- Yeah.
- Come on, Jimmy! Yeah, you Jimmy one time.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Tonight, me and the guys are tackling my wish, of doing stand-up here in Morocco.
I'm excited to show these guys what I'm good at.
And sure, I'm not as famous and world renowned as them.
But, I am as equally passionate and good at what I do.
I would like to welcome you in Marrakesh Comedy Club! [CHEERING.]
- - You have talked about this, we've talked about you travelling all over the country, all over America.
Yeah.
This is my first love, stand -up comedy.
- And you're good at it? - We're gonna taste it, now.
We're gonna taste what it is you do.
There's no way for me to ever get in an NFL setting.
There's no way I'm ever gonna be able to be the star of a TV show, just without working very hard and learning it.
But from the moment you start, they introduce you as, "Our next comedian is blank.
" They call you a professional right away.
That's a lot of pressure.
Tonight, we have got an amazing show tonight.
Just wait for us! All right, this is gonna be good! Our guest is Jeff Dye.
Please, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome Jeff Dye.
[HOOTING.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm gonna let these guys go first, because technically they're my openers.
Ladies and gentlemen, our first performer is the funniest guy, in my opinion, in the world.
Give it up for Terry Bradshaw, ladies and gentlemen! Hey! Hey! Thank you, thank you! - It was so hot - How hot was it? I passed a hyena and all he could do was giggle.
[LAUGHTER.]
Gosh, dog.
Quit it.
I didn't know I was this good! - Oh my god! - I may be retired, but this joke is a knock out.
- Knock, knock.
- ALL: Who's there? - Broken pencil.
- Broken pencil who? Forget about it, it's pointless.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- That's funny, George.
Travelling with George for two years now, and the one thing that George, he likes to sleep.
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- His big fight was "Rumble in the Jungle.
" He napped so much, now it's called "Slumber in the Jungle.
" - Oh! - [LAUGHTER.]
Bill is so old that in high school he was voted to be the most likely to actually get to year one A.
D.
Oh! [LAUGHTER.]
Henry, obviously, has put on a little weight since he did the Fonz.
As a matter of fact the only time he hears "whoa" now is when he steps on the scales.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Stop it right now! - This is really rewarding, to have these four great men who I admire so much doing what I do for a living, the thing that I care about the most.
Jeffrey, I don't know how you do it, I'm going to leave stand-up to the professionals.
I'm happy to be here, we all just got back from Lithuania, so we're happy to be alive, really, to be honest.
Yeah! That's funny, man! I love that! Relax.
Yeah, getting a little loud, Dad.
[LAUGHTER.]
The only bad part about, like, travel with, like, old guys, I've started doing, like, other old guy stuff.
Like I'll eat dinner at, like four.
[LAUGHTER.]
- That's funny, Jeff! - Thank you very much, Terry Bradshaw everybody.
You know George Foreman hates cussing, and he doesn't like sex, and stuff.
Oh no, Jeff, don't go there.
Because he's already hit his quota.
That's why he doesn't that's why he doesn't like it.
The only thing I heard about Bill, before the show, was that like he talks in long pauses.
He'll talk like this.
But once you get to know him, that's not how he talks.
He never pauses, ever.
He just just keeps going and going, and it's an honor for me to be on your final voyage.
I will say that, Bill.
It is an honor for me.
We finally get to see Jeff do what Jeff is so good at, and that's stand-up comedy.
Oh, so hard to do.
For him to get up there in a foreign country and bring it home, that's a special talent.
I'm proud of my boy.
Ladies and gentlemen, you've been a great audience, and we love you.
Thank you very much, it's been a treat.
[CHATTER IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- Boy, these are pretty.
- Wow! - You think these are handmade? - Oh, they're all handmade.
- - - How much is that? - This one? - Yeah.
- Let's say What do you mean, "Let's say?" Henry wants to buy a rug.
I'm gonna help them, I'm gonna negotiate for them.
He may not like it, but you gotta haggle.
That's the custom here.
You're considered stupid if you don't haggle.
- This piece, $10,200.
- $10,000? That is way too much.
I've been humbled before, by experts.
This guy is no expert.
$10,000, is that what you're saying? - Yes.
- Well let's say - you'll give it to us, as a - Ohh That is the way you bargain, he gives us a price, and you say, "Give it as a gift?" Yeah.
I'm beginning to think Bill is not a great negotiator.
This place is great, huh? Look at this weird thing.
- Do you have our size? - Buying this dress.
Getting a dress.
- - - Now, this one? - Man, that's cool.
- This one? - That's cool.
Wow.
- Yes, perfect.
- Yeah.
- I like this.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna start wearing these things all the time, 'cause everything breathes, you know what I'm saying? - Oh yeah.
- Too little.
Too little.
- Looks good, huh? - George, you getting two? Yeah.
We'll be back to pick them up.
Sorry guys, I'm the owner of this house.
- How are you? I'm Henry.
- Nice to meet you.
I will show him some other things.
Okay.
Well how much for that blue one? - For that one? - Yes.
- It's about $5,000.
- $5,000.
- Yes.
- Okay, $4,500.
- Oh! God! No, no! - What? Come here.
You gotta haggle.
You gotta bargain way down, you go way down.
Offer $1,000.
- Okay.
You say $4,500? - No! - Okay, okay.
- What kind of a Hollywood producer are you? Okay.
What would be a price to make you happy? This is it.
I'm going home with a rug.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Oh my, God.
- Watch yourself.
- Wait a minute.
- Hang on a second.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Lead the way.
Here we go.
[HAWK SCREECHING.]
Now Morocco is famous for its rugs.
More than anything in the market, I want to find a nice Moroccan rug to take back home with me.
Wow.
- You're welcome.
- How do you do? You're welcome.
How are you doing? I'm George.
I'm doing fine.
Where are all the beautiful, big rugs? [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
His name is big George Foreman.
Give him a big carpet.
This is coming from a different area of Morocco.
- Okay.
- Whoa! It's all hand woven, then the patches are embroidered by hand.
He can walk he can walk on it to feel it.
It's like a massage for your feet, if you walk on it.
This is sweet.
- This is really nice.
- How do you feel? Oh.
Oh.
It feels like your feet are making love.
- How much is this one? - For you, as a good price, $5,000 - or 50,000 Dirham.
- That's a lot of money.
Well it's a good piece, it's handmade.
Well I was just I was hoping maybe um I'm gonna take a seat and Think about it.
Let's do $4,500.
No, no, no, no, that's way too much.
What is your best offer? What is your best offer? The final the final, the best price you could make.
I think we could get this rug somewhere else, as good or better.
Whatever George wants, George gets.
I would go $300 cash.
- How much? - $300 American.
- Deal.
- Whoa! - Offer just for you.
- One other thing - Come on, come on.
- $300.
We need you to ship it.
- To ship the carpet? - To America, to his house.
- Really? - You know what? The shipping is for free.
Oh man! Terry, the best bargain guy in the world.
I'm in the horse business boys, I'm used to dealing.
Know what I'm saying? - Cheers.
- Yeah! - Booyah! - Hang on a second, Henry.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Okay.
I'm good.
Let's go backwards.
- I'm facing the wrong way! - Wait a minute, - we're going the wrong way.
- I'm facing the wrong way! Henry, for God's sakes, what are you doing? - Okay.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
- Sir? Could I get my hat? - Hey, where's Bill and Henry? - What are you talking about? We're out here relaxing and having a good time.
Now we're back at the hotel, the three of us, and Henry and Bill haven't showed up yet, and it's been awhile.
So I'm starting to get you know, I'm starting to get a little bit worried about 'em.
Hey! Look what we got.
We got the bargain of the century.
We got the rug.
We got a great deal.
You guys back? - The shoppers are here.
- What'd you get? - We are here.
- What do you got? We got a great rug.
We got a great carpet.
That looks familiar.
Look like the same one we saw.
We bought a rug just like that.
No way.
Can't be the same rug.
But how much did you pay for that rug? Terry knows.
We paid $300.
- No, you did not.
- Yeah.
Swear to you.
- $300 bucks.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, $300? They paid $300 for their rug? $2,700.
- You paid $2,700 for that rug? - What are you laughing at? You pay $2,700 for that rug.
You have a receipt that says, "$300?" BOTH: And the shipping.
It can't be the same rug.
Was yours machine made, or was it handmade? BOTH: Handmade.
- Handmade.
- This is hilarious.
$2,700! Someone put suckers on the back of y'all's backs, and put you through that market, 'cause that is just ridiculous.
It's a better qual Hey, you it is a better quality rug, I tell you! We have a better rug than you.
We couldn't have paid $2,700, and you paid $300.
- $300, I swear to you.
- We did.
What's the Yiddish word for the opposite of frugal? - Schmuck.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Y'all did not barter, at all? - Well no, I - What barter? - I taught him how to bargain.
He taught me how to barter.
But we were bargaining and bargaining.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey! Oh, isn't it wonderful.
This is so good, let me celebrate.
Oh yeah.
You guys are just dumber than a box of rocks.
That's true.
I am a box of rocks.
Whoa! That guy's got some bad breath, right there.
So we're running up over the hill the hill's are alive and I'm out of breath, and I think, "My God, I'm gonna die.
" Henry, the plane is gonna leave, and I'm still looking for you.
I'm looking at you.
Quit screwing around, we're gonna miss the flight.
Ooh, whoo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now - I been feeling it since 1966, now - Might be over now - This looks beautiful.
- This is beautiful.
- Look at this.
- Beautiful.
- How gorgeous is this? - How nice is this? So, here we are at the end.
We've been to five countries, seven cities, and to celebrate the end of another epic trip, we're gonna have a wonderful celebratory dinner tonight.
Oh my gosh, this is so sad and so joyous at the same moment.
- I'm gonna take my hat off.
- It's good etiquette.
'Cause we're at the table.
- Taking our fez's off.
- My hair look okay? - Yes.
- Thank you.
What is that? It's good.
- Chicken.
- Is that chicken? - Mm-hmm.
- Delicious.
Does it taste like chicken? Then it must be chicken.
Travelling around at our age, do all the things that we've done, it's a pretty cool thing.
You know? At our age.
I don't know what it'll be like when I'm Bill's age.
I know he won't be around.
Oh, oh.
Here they are.
Might be over now But I feel it still Might've had your fill But I feel it still Amazing, huh? That we accomplished this? - Pretty amazing.
- What was the one moment that you learned most about yourself on this trip? I would have to say Berlin, and that I shared it with you was amazing.
It's from my children.
Even though the Winkler history in Berlin is heart breaking, we thought it was important for you to connect with the past through this hopefully fun adventure.
Oh wow.
Thank you.
I found out what bad shape I'm in.
- Oh, Bill, stop it right now.
- No, wait a minute.
So we're running up over the hill, "The hills are alive!" The hills are alive, and I'm out of breath, and I think, "My God, I'm gonna die.
But I can't let it show, I'm Captain Kirk.
" So down the hill we go! You know that's the first time finally admitted it! I did it for a joke, just so you'd laugh.
- Okay.
- All right.
What about you, George? What was your favorite? We've enjoyed ourselves, but most importantly we've eaten so much food.
The smelly herring was incredible.
First of all, the can was swollen, because of the gas, and when I went [IMITATES HISSING.]
I never smelled anything so pitiful in my life.
- I can do this.
- Hook it on there.
[HISSING.]
Oh, my God! Oh, that's [BLEEP.]
.
[GAGS.]
- Ohh! - You don't know what you're missing.
In Barcelona, we went to the festival of San Juan.
There was that bonfire, and you said, "I see you guys, you embrace your difference, and I want to let the fear of being different go.
" These guys are my family.
They're not just four living legends.
They're four great, incredible men, and they've taught me a lot, and I love them to death.
I don't wanna stop.
I don't wanna quit what we're doing, and I love you guys.
- Ditto.
Ditto.
Ditto.
Ditto.
- And you know we love you.
- All right, I figured - Wow.
- Whoa, Baby! - How 'bout this.
Here we are, we're at the last night here in wonderful Morocco.
Everyone gets a magic lantern.
What I am hoping is that in these lanterns are not only the wishes that you have from tonight, forward, but the wish that we are all together again.
I had no idea if our trip this time was going to equal how fantastic the trip was through Asia.
[SCREAMS, LAUGHS.]
What are you doing? You're over everything, Henry.
Great day.
Great day.
- You're the model.
- If you had told me in my 20s that I'd be on the journey of a lifetime at this point in my life, I would not have believed you.
- I just ate brain? - [GAGS.]
That's nothing to play with.
But here we are, in our golden years.
Hey! How you doing, I'm from America! Here we are again.
It started with a group of friends in Asia.
Friends who became brothers.
[BOTH YELLING.]
Brothers who became inseparable.
Lithuania! And when I'm asked how we feel at our age, after having travelled all these thousands of miles.
- Whoa, this is beautiful.
Wow.
- Oh, my God.
I say we've never felt younger.
You know what, I'm terrified, but I wouldn't come up here with anyone but you.
- That's nice of you to say.
- Uh-oh, watch out, watch out.
- Uh oh.
- Nice.
Oh! Whoa! - BOTH: Oh! - Ohh! Man's got some bad breath, right there.
- Whoa! - See that? Out of his mouth.
- Better late than never.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Georgie.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
Birthplace of civilization.
Home to exotic cultures and unparalleled beauty.
[ALL SHOUTING, SINGING.]
NARRATOR: They're back.
Morocco, here we go.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
NARRATOR: Four living legends.
He's here to make Morocco great again.
[RECORD SCRATCHES.]
NARRATOR: Saddle up again for an adventure they'll never forget.
- Oh! - Oh my god.
Whoo! NARRATOR: Starring TV superstar - Cultural icon - I'm a Lithuanian warrior.
- NARRATOR: NFL hall of famer - [SCREAMS.]
NARRATOR: Former heavyweight champion Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [SCREAMING.]
- NARRATOR: As the sidekick.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! NARRATOR: Tonight the adventure continues in Morocco.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
We are somewhere.
- In the middle of nowhere.
- Whoo! NARRATOR: Just when you thought it was safe to go back on vacation.
- This is camel? - I'm gonna be sick.
[GROWLING.]
- Oh, my God, you're second.
- Lead the way.
Here we go.
The s'more.
[COUGHING.]
Guys, it's happening, Bill's going.
[LAUGHS.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
- - Well, time for Henry's wish.
Our final man picnic of the trip.
I have a confession to make.
I've never, really, ridden a motorcycle.
I don't like motorcycles.
The Fonz road the bike.
Different human being from Henry.
Well we should get on a Vespa, which is very simple.
Let's go out to the desert, where Lawrence of Arabia rode his camel.
You gotta face your fear, Henry.
All right.
Do I wanna put myself in this situation? Apparently, yes, I'm going to.
Fire it up! Little bit, little bit.
There you go, there you go.
So here we are, it's almost over.
- I know.
- We've each chosen the one thing we're gonna do before we get on that plane to go home.
- Mm-hmm.
- I am proud of you! I don't think this is a good idea.
- It's a great idea! - I am conquering my fear, I am riding that scooter.
My anxiety level is orange, the same color as my scooter, but I'm gonna do it.
- Yes! - Pick your feet up, Henry! There you go! Whoo! Go, go, go! Now we're going to ride our scooters into the desert.
Yee haw! Bill's last wish before we went home was to go to the desert, and I'm thinking, "Are we gonna survive this?" Come on Henry, you can do it! - - Ooh, ooh, ooh, hey What is this place? - What is this, hotel tent? - It's a "mo-tent.
" This is where we're gonna stay tonight, guys.
- - - This is a mistake.
- We gotta stay here? - That's the whole idea.
- You wanna drive back? Where does everyone swim, or hang out, or eat? - - We're in the middle of nowhere.
We are somewhere.
- In the middle of nowhere.
- That's right.
- This is our room, huh? - Yeah.
- - - Oh, there are only two beds.
- I sleep with Henry.
Okay.
I've already shared a bed with Jeff, And Terry.
Why not George? If I sleep on the edge, is there enough room for three over here? C'mon Bill, Bill, I don't wanna come between you.
No, you would never come between us.
- Terry, where are you going? - Check this out.
- Ooh! - You got tees? Look at the delicious stuff here.
Terry, look! Food, Terry! - Nice, T.
B.
! - Whoo! That'll be there for a million years.
I salute North Africa.
We have been a lot of places on this trip.
But the Sahara Desert is majestic.
- We're in North Africa, man.
- C'mon! We are sitting here having a cigar, - in the Sahara Desert.
- If you've gotta take a dump, just go over the ridge.
Just don't take a dump by a big boulder or a little bush or something.
You might get bit.
- By what? - Snake.
- What? - Boy.
This is we're in the Sahara desert for the first time.
Look at the romance! Well if that was green, I'd say, "Wow.
" But that's just a pile of dirt out there.
That was green at one time.
Well, Bill, I wasn't here 5,000 years ago.
Well, I was.
That's where you're going, right? That's where you're going, aren't you? That's what he said.
Beat you to it.
Our great adventure is slowly coming to an end, so I wanted this to be really special.
The Sahara Desert, exotic land, always wanted to be here.
It's all strange, and not part of our tradition, part of our culture.
You guys really will do anything to get away from your wives.
- Look at us.
- I actually There's not a person in sight! I asked before I could come.
Did you ask? I didn't ask, I begged.
- True.
- [LAUGHTER.]
We're going to get on camels and visit the Gnawa people.
That's our adventure for - Gnawa? Gnawa? - The Gnawa.
People of the desert, the Gnawa tribe.
- [CAMEL GRUMBLING.]
- It's camel time! God, this is bumpy.
What's your's name? Santa Claus? - Angel Burst.
- Oh, Angel Burst.
- He's got a great voice.
- [CAMEL GROWLING.]
We're coming to the indigenous people.
Look at it! The Gnawa tribe, they have their culture to which they're indebted to.
It's something to be admired.
- Look at this! - I like that hat.
Gotta love it! - - Uh oh! It's the parking that's hard, huh? - Lean back.
- I'm trying! I'm trying! There's a technique to getting - on and off a camel, you know.
- Ah.
It's something you didn't share with me, Bill.
Come on.
Get down there.
That a girl.
Come on, get the hind end.
The hind end down, there we go.
Camels have to sit down real slow, real steady, and it looks real weird.
Bill's the same way.
- Let me sit on this one.
- You want this one, or you want the tall one? - And down, down, down, down.
- He sits like a camel.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- I got a bit of an advantage.
I speak the language.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- Bill starts speaking French.
Nobody wants to hear Bill speak French, except Bill.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- - It's a toast.
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- A toast in Arab - [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
.
- [ALL SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- All the good things - that's gonna happen to me.
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
ALL: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah - Oy, oy, oy, oy We sit down with this mysterious tribe that I've never heard of, and they pass around this booze, and I just grab it and drink it.
[SLURPING.]
Are you okay, Terry? Ahh, it's good stuff! [LAUGHTER.]
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
I'm not sure what was in that drink.
When we drink we do it right [VOCALIZING.]
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
Like a G6, like a G6 Now I'm feeling so fly Like a G6, like a G6 I'm proud of George.
Not one time has he drifted off.
Well how can he drift off? It's like being in one big alarm clock.
Everyone's banging drums and dancing around.
Never stopped him anywhere else we've been.
- That is true.
- Hell yeah You can put your hands up [ALL CHEERING.]
- Beautiful.
I'm telling you.
- It's so easy to think, "Oh, we're so different from one another.
"Oh my goodness, their traditions "are so different from ours.
They're not me, I'm not them.
" And then you start making music together, and there are no boundaries left.
What is incredible, with no language [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- We just came together.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
And we were connected right here.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
In North Africa! - Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
This whole experience is about going to places that you wanna see.
Quite honestly, before Bill dies I mean, before you die.
- Catch it.
- No! Go! Run, Jeff, run, run, run! I second degree burns! - Wow, this is really good.
- What kind of meat is that? What do you mean, "What kind of meat?" - Is it cow? - [BURPS.]
Okay.
Okay.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
I brought you out here 'cause it's the result of a dream.
Coming to Morocco.
This is the romance.
The moon is out, and we're out here in the Sahara Desert at night, and there's nothing alive.
- - Getting on camels, meeting the indigenous people, - singing the songs - Yeah.
Is this like a culmination of a dream? You can't even put this into words, actually.
I thought I did.
Guys, I got a little something for you that's gonna remind you OF YOUR CHILDHOOD: s'mores.
We're in the Sahara.
We're looking up at the sky that is eternal, the wind coming off thousands of miles of sand, and there's Jeff Dye, making s'mores.
This is a great idea, the only thing is the sticks are not long enough.
- Oh my god.
- Ahh! [BLEEP.]
- Okay, so - Ouch! It took away from the moment.
But, I got over it.
I love these.
I used to go to summer camp, I was a counselor, and we used to do this.
Is that how you met your wife? - True.
- No.
I met my wife when I was doing "Happy Days" and I had enough money - Were you on "Happy Days"? - I was.
I was a guest star, and I had enough money - You were a guest star? - No, no, no.
No, George, that's sarcasm.
I wasn't, but I only had one day of work a week.
I only had six lines in the beginning.
But I made enough money so I could buy a - my own sport coat.
- Nice.
And I met Stacy in the store.
- That's beautiful.
- Yeah.
Son of a bitch! Why you guys cuss like that for? It's hurting my fingers.
It helps me with pain.
I'm not sure the pain of roasting the marshmallow is worth the s'more.
[COUGHING.]
Guys, it's happening, Bill's going! - No, no.
That's - [LAUGHS.]
Stick this down my throat! Out of all the ways that Bill's beautiful life could have come to an end, not one of us picked marshmallow.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Everyone lost the death pool.
Did you achieve what you wanted to achieve, Henry, here? I did.
I honestly have never ridden a Vespa, or anything like that, ever.
Because of you guys, I rode it, we rode it quite a way - You overcame a fear.
- Because of you.
I would not have done it without you.
I never would have done it.
Made me as happy as a kid.
On that bike, I had this private moment of almost wanting to scream eee! - I was really happy.
- How was that scream? - Really, I'm serious.
- How'd the scream go? Eee! Really, though.
What about that boxing gym? - Oh, my God.
- Wow.
- That was great to see.
- You came alive.
Trying to express to those guys to bringing the punch back.
- Isn't that something? - That was really great.
- And we saw some talent there.
- Yeah.
Automatically balanced, balance that I never had, they have it.
Being in that gym and watching you come alive, and watching you I mean, like with those children and telling them what they needed to know.
Why didn't you fight those kids, George? You could've had a come back right there.
Knock 'em all out.
They could whip me those kids.
That was that was very dangerous.
He could have fallen in the fire! - I was hoping he would! - Falling in the fire is right! Are you kidding me? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't kick him forward.
- No! Oh, [BLEEP.]
- Oh! - Run, Jeff! Run, run, run! - Ahh! What did he do? He stuck that fiery marshmallow.
Oh no.
I knew you were afraid of bugs and heights, I didn't know you were afraid of a little marshmallow.
It was on fire, Jeff.
Where is he? Ho! Soon as this pain subsides a little, I'm gonna kill you.
I have second degree burns! That's the only degree you'll ever get.
Come here! Look at that.
- What are you laughing at? - I'm not laughing.
You can't get it off, 'cause you'll burn your fingers up.
Look, I've got skin falling off my knee.
You gotta just sit there, and you just have to Look look at this! I got a bubble.
I got a blister bubble.
This tastes like a fake knee.
Boy, oh, that hurt.
- Say you're sorry.
- I am sorry.
- Okay.
- I wanted to be in the romance of the Sahara Desert.
If you were still for a moment, you wouldn't hear anything.
Hey listen, we're star gazing with Captain Kirk.
I know.
I watched the first step on the moon, on a black and white television set, alone in a pasture on Long Island.
I couldn't cash a $15 check after "Star Trek.
" And I had a little black and white set, and I was looking at the moon, and it was about like this, and looking at it, and I was with them 'cause I had met 'em three months earlier.
- Wow.
- I was in drama school with fellow actors who were playing Monopoly, and then all of a sudden it came on the television.
"One step for mankind," and holy mackerel.
Oh yeah.
I was a sperm.
Well, I guess after that joke, - it's time to go to bed.
- Get some sleep.
[SNORING.]
How's your knee, big fella? It's a little warm.
Let's leave George here, he's asleep.
- Dibs on big bed! - [SNORING.]
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
Morocco.
It's so foreign to us.
Peculiar, interesting, different places.
So I've set up this place for us to eat.
I hope the guys appreciate it.
This is food in Morocco, but American food.
- Oh, American.
- First of all, how'd you find this place is what I want to know? I was told about it.
I thought the guys would enjoy this cultural cuisine adventure.
They're burgers.
Not quite the burgers we know in America.
But they are burgers.
Welcome to Café Clock.
Can I take your orders? The menu is in French.
The menu is in French, they don't know what they're ordering.
I know what we're ordering.
I'm gonna order for you guys.
Black cash Let me do it in French.
Tabbouleh, de la sal le de, tatooka.
How's he doing, Bill? Not well, and I gotta order for you.
Hey, I took French in college, I know French! Oui.
Bonjour.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- Bill is speaking in French.
- [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
I have no idea what he's saying.
[SPEAKING FRENCH.]
- Yes, okay.
- Ah, good.
- That's French, man.
- Hello, so the burgers.
- Wow! - Whoa! - All right.
- This actually does look nice.
Now this is really good stuff.
- Yeah.
- Who doesn't love a great burger? Thank you.
A good old fashioned cheese burger.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
This is really good.
They were really loving the burgers.
Is this good or what? I wonder where they get the meat from? What kind of beef is this? - Look at it.
- What kind of meat is this? Uhh What do you mean, what kind of meat is it? - Is it cow? - It's gotta be cow.
- It better be, I would - Did you order? Well, what I don't What do you mean? You don't know? That's a tough one.
[SUSPENSEFUL STRING MUSIC.]
Camel.
Wait a minute, I'm eating Lucille? I'm not eat camel, I know.
- This is camel? - Yes, this is camel meat.
Camel is my friend.
- - - Camel's good for you.
- It was delicious, I must say.
They're the best camel burgers in town.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be sick.
The only problem is, how do we get home? We ate our ride.
- This is a cultural center.
- What? This restaurant? No, this is a camel burger joint.
Well, the camel burger place is also a cultural center.
- Oh.
- And I've invited a Moroccan storyteller, so feel the culture.
- - Moroccan culture is antiquity, long before lights and television and The culture is a storytelling culture.
- Right.
Yeah.
- You sit around and you tell stories.
- I'm up for that.
- Hello everyone.
Welcome to the storytelling session.
You listen and you learn Moroccan morality, the laws of custom.
This way we can share these stories.
- I like stories.
- Yeah.
- Are you ready? - Yes.
We are ready.
I think I just want to take a minute of telling a story, filled with adventure, with the color of the time, with a moral.
I got a story.
- What's he doing? - Okay.
All right.
I'm driving along to the airport to get on the plane to come with you guys.
- Got it.
- And all of a sudden I see a sign, and it says, "Labrador retriever for $10.
" I want to get up so bad and go somewhere else.
I walk outside, I walk into the garden, and there is a beautiful Labrador retriever.
Ah! I'm trying to be respectful, but good golly.
He's looking at me, and I'm looking at him.
I say, "You are beautiful.
" The dog says, "Thank you.
" I said, "You speak?" He said, "Yes I do.
" Oh the dumbest, stupidest oh.
He said, "I used to work for the CIA.
I took notes and then passed it along to the government agencies.
" Here's a list of the places that I'd rather be.
On top of Tokyo tower, 1,000 feet above the ground.
Hey! Oh that is just stupid! Eating bull balls in Madrid.
Put it back, but don't eat it.
Having my chest waxed by Jeff.
Oh, God! All of these, you put them together, I would rather be doing than listen to this story.
I walk back inside, I said, "Sir, you're selling this dog for $10.
The dog speaks.
"How could you do that?" He said, "I'll tell you why.
That dog is a liar.
" Thank you.
Thank you.
Hah! Thank God! I have some follow up questions about the story.
I want I want to tell a story.
Mine is really short.
Oh no, no, no.
- Short story.
- Okay, that's it.
I'm never gonna get through this story.
Farmer in Louisiana is bailing hay.
- Oh geez.
- Young farmer.
His bailer gets caught and sticks.
Gets off the tractor, crawls under the bailer, and he hits it, and he hits it, and he hits it, and finally the stick comes loose.
But when it does, it grabs his arm, and jerks his arm off right here at the shoulder.
- Right off his body? - Spits it out.
- Bill? - Yeah.
- This is a very long story.
- It is a long story.
And he goes back to the little country town that he lives in.
Oh, Lord.
Do you have any idea what this story is about? No.
And he thinks he can attach your arm.
Ignorant.
- Ignorant.
- Unbelievable! He walks outside, the news people are there from all over the world, and they said, "Farmer Brown, how did it go with your surgery?" And he goes, "Two thumbs up!" - I get it, I get it, I do! - Hey, is your pops funny? - Yeah.
- Huh? You like it? - Yeah, you killed it.
- Did you like it? Yeah, you killed it.
Look at me, it was fun, wasn't it? Like you died a slow death up there.
- You didn't like the joke? - I loved the joke.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you.
Bye.
Thank you.
Well, how much for that blue one? For you? $5,000.
- $4,500.
- Oh, God.
- No, no.
- What? - Y'all did not barter, at all? - Well no, I - What barter? - I taught him how to barter.
He taught me how to barter.
You know, I noticed this mad picnic is kind of a Hollywood thing.
Howie wouldn't do it, Strahan I know wouldn't do it, Jimmy Johnson would hang up.
- No, he would not.
- Trust me! I'd go in there and mess up his hair.
- Yeah.
- Come on, Jimmy! Yeah, you Jimmy one time.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Tonight, me and the guys are tackling my wish, of doing stand-up here in Morocco.
I'm excited to show these guys what I'm good at.
And sure, I'm not as famous and world renowned as them.
But, I am as equally passionate and good at what I do.
I would like to welcome you in Marrakesh Comedy Club! [CHEERING.]
- - You have talked about this, we've talked about you travelling all over the country, all over America.
Yeah.
This is my first love, stand -up comedy.
- And you're good at it? - We're gonna taste it, now.
We're gonna taste what it is you do.
There's no way for me to ever get in an NFL setting.
There's no way I'm ever gonna be able to be the star of a TV show, just without working very hard and learning it.
But from the moment you start, they introduce you as, "Our next comedian is blank.
" They call you a professional right away.
That's a lot of pressure.
Tonight, we have got an amazing show tonight.
Just wait for us! All right, this is gonna be good! Our guest is Jeff Dye.
Please, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome Jeff Dye.
[HOOTING.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm gonna let these guys go first, because technically they're my openers.
Ladies and gentlemen, our first performer is the funniest guy, in my opinion, in the world.
Give it up for Terry Bradshaw, ladies and gentlemen! Hey! Hey! Thank you, thank you! - It was so hot - How hot was it? I passed a hyena and all he could do was giggle.
[LAUGHTER.]
Gosh, dog.
Quit it.
I didn't know I was this good! - Oh my god! - I may be retired, but this joke is a knock out.
- Knock, knock.
- ALL: Who's there? - Broken pencil.
- Broken pencil who? Forget about it, it's pointless.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- That's funny, George.
Travelling with George for two years now, and the one thing that George, he likes to sleep.
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- His big fight was "Rumble in the Jungle.
" He napped so much, now it's called "Slumber in the Jungle.
" - Oh! - [LAUGHTER.]
Bill is so old that in high school he was voted to be the most likely to actually get to year one A.
D.
Oh! [LAUGHTER.]
Henry, obviously, has put on a little weight since he did the Fonz.
As a matter of fact the only time he hears "whoa" now is when he steps on the scales.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Stop it right now! - This is really rewarding, to have these four great men who I admire so much doing what I do for a living, the thing that I care about the most.
Jeffrey, I don't know how you do it, I'm going to leave stand-up to the professionals.
I'm happy to be here, we all just got back from Lithuania, so we're happy to be alive, really, to be honest.
Yeah! That's funny, man! I love that! Relax.
Yeah, getting a little loud, Dad.
[LAUGHTER.]
The only bad part about, like, travel with, like, old guys, I've started doing, like, other old guy stuff.
Like I'll eat dinner at, like four.
[LAUGHTER.]
- That's funny, Jeff! - Thank you very much, Terry Bradshaw everybody.
You know George Foreman hates cussing, and he doesn't like sex, and stuff.
Oh no, Jeff, don't go there.
Because he's already hit his quota.
That's why he doesn't that's why he doesn't like it.
The only thing I heard about Bill, before the show, was that like he talks in long pauses.
He'll talk like this.
But once you get to know him, that's not how he talks.
He never pauses, ever.
He just just keeps going and going, and it's an honor for me to be on your final voyage.
I will say that, Bill.
It is an honor for me.
We finally get to see Jeff do what Jeff is so good at, and that's stand-up comedy.
Oh, so hard to do.
For him to get up there in a foreign country and bring it home, that's a special talent.
I'm proud of my boy.
Ladies and gentlemen, you've been a great audience, and we love you.
Thank you very much, it's been a treat.
[CHATTER IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
- Boy, these are pretty.
- Wow! - You think these are handmade? - Oh, they're all handmade.
- - - How much is that? - This one? - Yeah.
- Let's say What do you mean, "Let's say?" Henry wants to buy a rug.
I'm gonna help them, I'm gonna negotiate for them.
He may not like it, but you gotta haggle.
That's the custom here.
You're considered stupid if you don't haggle.
- This piece, $10,200.
- $10,000? That is way too much.
I've been humbled before, by experts.
This guy is no expert.
$10,000, is that what you're saying? - Yes.
- Well let's say - you'll give it to us, as a - Ohh That is the way you bargain, he gives us a price, and you say, "Give it as a gift?" Yeah.
I'm beginning to think Bill is not a great negotiator.
This place is great, huh? Look at this weird thing.
- Do you have our size? - Buying this dress.
Getting a dress.
- - - Now, this one? - Man, that's cool.
- This one? - That's cool.
Wow.
- Yes, perfect.
- Yeah.
- I like this.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna start wearing these things all the time, 'cause everything breathes, you know what I'm saying? - Oh yeah.
- Too little.
Too little.
- Looks good, huh? - George, you getting two? Yeah.
We'll be back to pick them up.
Sorry guys, I'm the owner of this house.
- How are you? I'm Henry.
- Nice to meet you.
I will show him some other things.
Okay.
Well how much for that blue one? - For that one? - Yes.
- It's about $5,000.
- $5,000.
- Yes.
- Okay, $4,500.
- Oh! God! No, no! - What? Come here.
You gotta haggle.
You gotta bargain way down, you go way down.
Offer $1,000.
- Okay.
You say $4,500? - No! - Okay, okay.
- What kind of a Hollywood producer are you? Okay.
What would be a price to make you happy? This is it.
I'm going home with a rug.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Oh my, God.
- Watch yourself.
- Wait a minute.
- Hang on a second.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Lead the way.
Here we go.
[HAWK SCREECHING.]
Now Morocco is famous for its rugs.
More than anything in the market, I want to find a nice Moroccan rug to take back home with me.
Wow.
- You're welcome.
- How do you do? You're welcome.
How are you doing? I'm George.
I'm doing fine.
Where are all the beautiful, big rugs? [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
His name is big George Foreman.
Give him a big carpet.
This is coming from a different area of Morocco.
- Okay.
- Whoa! It's all hand woven, then the patches are embroidered by hand.
He can walk he can walk on it to feel it.
It's like a massage for your feet, if you walk on it.
This is sweet.
- This is really nice.
- How do you feel? Oh.
Oh.
It feels like your feet are making love.
- How much is this one? - For you, as a good price, $5,000 - or 50,000 Dirham.
- That's a lot of money.
Well it's a good piece, it's handmade.
Well I was just I was hoping maybe um I'm gonna take a seat and Think about it.
Let's do $4,500.
No, no, no, no, that's way too much.
What is your best offer? What is your best offer? The final the final, the best price you could make.
I think we could get this rug somewhere else, as good or better.
Whatever George wants, George gets.
I would go $300 cash.
- How much? - $300 American.
- Deal.
- Whoa! - Offer just for you.
- One other thing - Come on, come on.
- $300.
We need you to ship it.
- To ship the carpet? - To America, to his house.
- Really? - You know what? The shipping is for free.
Oh man! Terry, the best bargain guy in the world.
I'm in the horse business boys, I'm used to dealing.
Know what I'm saying? - Cheers.
- Yeah! - Booyah! - Hang on a second, Henry.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Okay.
I'm good.
Let's go backwards.
- I'm facing the wrong way! - Wait a minute, - we're going the wrong way.
- I'm facing the wrong way! Henry, for God's sakes, what are you doing? - Okay.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
- Sir? Could I get my hat? - Hey, where's Bill and Henry? - What are you talking about? We're out here relaxing and having a good time.
Now we're back at the hotel, the three of us, and Henry and Bill haven't showed up yet, and it's been awhile.
So I'm starting to get you know, I'm starting to get a little bit worried about 'em.
Hey! Look what we got.
We got the bargain of the century.
We got the rug.
We got a great deal.
You guys back? - The shoppers are here.
- What'd you get? - We are here.
- What do you got? We got a great rug.
We got a great carpet.
That looks familiar.
Look like the same one we saw.
We bought a rug just like that.
No way.
Can't be the same rug.
But how much did you pay for that rug? Terry knows.
We paid $300.
- No, you did not.
- Yeah.
Swear to you.
- $300 bucks.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, $300? They paid $300 for their rug? $2,700.
- You paid $2,700 for that rug? - What are you laughing at? You pay $2,700 for that rug.
You have a receipt that says, "$300?" BOTH: And the shipping.
It can't be the same rug.
Was yours machine made, or was it handmade? BOTH: Handmade.
- Handmade.
- This is hilarious.
$2,700! Someone put suckers on the back of y'all's backs, and put you through that market, 'cause that is just ridiculous.
It's a better qual Hey, you it is a better quality rug, I tell you! We have a better rug than you.
We couldn't have paid $2,700, and you paid $300.
- $300, I swear to you.
- We did.
What's the Yiddish word for the opposite of frugal? - Schmuck.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Y'all did not barter, at all? - Well no, I - What barter? - I taught him how to bargain.
He taught me how to barter.
But we were bargaining and bargaining.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey! Oh, isn't it wonderful.
This is so good, let me celebrate.
Oh yeah.
You guys are just dumber than a box of rocks.
That's true.
I am a box of rocks.
Whoa! That guy's got some bad breath, right there.
So we're running up over the hill the hill's are alive and I'm out of breath, and I think, "My God, I'm gonna die.
" Henry, the plane is gonna leave, and I'm still looking for you.
I'm looking at you.
Quit screwing around, we're gonna miss the flight.
Ooh, whoo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now - I been feeling it since 1966, now - Might be over now - This looks beautiful.
- This is beautiful.
- Look at this.
- Beautiful.
- How gorgeous is this? - How nice is this? So, here we are at the end.
We've been to five countries, seven cities, and to celebrate the end of another epic trip, we're gonna have a wonderful celebratory dinner tonight.
Oh my gosh, this is so sad and so joyous at the same moment.
- I'm gonna take my hat off.
- It's good etiquette.
'Cause we're at the table.
- Taking our fez's off.
- My hair look okay? - Yes.
- Thank you.
What is that? It's good.
- Chicken.
- Is that chicken? - Mm-hmm.
- Delicious.
Does it taste like chicken? Then it must be chicken.
Travelling around at our age, do all the things that we've done, it's a pretty cool thing.
You know? At our age.
I don't know what it'll be like when I'm Bill's age.
I know he won't be around.
Oh, oh.
Here they are.
Might be over now But I feel it still Might've had your fill But I feel it still Amazing, huh? That we accomplished this? - Pretty amazing.
- What was the one moment that you learned most about yourself on this trip? I would have to say Berlin, and that I shared it with you was amazing.
It's from my children.
Even though the Winkler history in Berlin is heart breaking, we thought it was important for you to connect with the past through this hopefully fun adventure.
Oh wow.
Thank you.
I found out what bad shape I'm in.
- Oh, Bill, stop it right now.
- No, wait a minute.
So we're running up over the hill, "The hills are alive!" The hills are alive, and I'm out of breath, and I think, "My God, I'm gonna die.
But I can't let it show, I'm Captain Kirk.
" So down the hill we go! You know that's the first time finally admitted it! I did it for a joke, just so you'd laugh.
- Okay.
- All right.
What about you, George? What was your favorite? We've enjoyed ourselves, but most importantly we've eaten so much food.
The smelly herring was incredible.
First of all, the can was swollen, because of the gas, and when I went [IMITATES HISSING.]
I never smelled anything so pitiful in my life.
- I can do this.
- Hook it on there.
[HISSING.]
Oh, my God! Oh, that's [BLEEP.]
.
[GAGS.]
- Ohh! - You don't know what you're missing.
In Barcelona, we went to the festival of San Juan.
There was that bonfire, and you said, "I see you guys, you embrace your difference, and I want to let the fear of being different go.
" These guys are my family.
They're not just four living legends.
They're four great, incredible men, and they've taught me a lot, and I love them to death.
I don't wanna stop.
I don't wanna quit what we're doing, and I love you guys.
- Ditto.
Ditto.
Ditto.
Ditto.
- And you know we love you.
- All right, I figured - Wow.
- Whoa, Baby! - How 'bout this.
Here we are, we're at the last night here in wonderful Morocco.
Everyone gets a magic lantern.
What I am hoping is that in these lanterns are not only the wishes that you have from tonight, forward, but the wish that we are all together again.
I had no idea if our trip this time was going to equal how fantastic the trip was through Asia.
[SCREAMS, LAUGHS.]
What are you doing? You're over everything, Henry.
Great day.
Great day.
- You're the model.
- If you had told me in my 20s that I'd be on the journey of a lifetime at this point in my life, I would not have believed you.
- I just ate brain? - [GAGS.]
That's nothing to play with.
But here we are, in our golden years.
Hey! How you doing, I'm from America! Here we are again.
It started with a group of friends in Asia.
Friends who became brothers.
[BOTH YELLING.]
Brothers who became inseparable.
Lithuania! And when I'm asked how we feel at our age, after having travelled all these thousands of miles.
- Whoa, this is beautiful.
Wow.
- Oh, my God.
I say we've never felt younger.
You know what, I'm terrified, but I wouldn't come up here with anyone but you.
- That's nice of you to say.
- Uh-oh, watch out, watch out.
- Uh oh.
- Nice.
Oh! Whoa! - BOTH: Oh! - Ohh! Man's got some bad breath, right there.
- Whoa! - See that? Out of his mouth.
- Better late than never.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Georgie.
[HAWK SCREECHES.]