Better Things (2016) s02e08 Episode Script

1 - (WATER RUNNING) - Max! The dog is eating your pussy blood again.
Use the kitchen garbage! (SIGHS) Mother You had me But I never had you I wanted you You didn't want me.
SAM: Duke, let's close that for a while, okay? Come on, honey, let's do some homework.
No.
NEWSCASTER: It is almost the weekend, and maybe you're looking for something to do this weekend.
Let's check in with Trisha.
Ooh, let's check in with Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa.
- She's gonna tell us all - She's gonna tell us all - About the rain.
- About the rain.
TRISHA: this weekend in Los Angeles.
I mean, Cirque du Soleil is at the Santa Monica Pier.
NEWSCASTER: That'd be great.
Dukey, you want to help me with the layers? Hello.
Hello Hello (BEEPS) Hey, the Internet stopped.
NEWSCASTER: the London Philharmonic, headed up by famed composer and conductor Arnold Hall.
Oh, my God, it's Grandpa.
to celebrate the tenth anniversary of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
- (PHONE VIBRATING) - Mom, the Internet.
What, honey? Hello? Hello, Sam.
(QUIETLY) Arnold? Yes, it is.
I'm coming to town.
We are having the jubilee for Ludwig's Ninth, and the girls will be there to celebrate with me at the second performance on Saturday.
Yeah.
You can do this? Um, Saturday? It's the 100th anniversary, and the girls will be there to give me flowers.
(APPLAUSE, CHEERING) SAM: You know, Arnold, the girls have lives.
They have plans and stuff and - they want to - Mom.
Mom, I don't I can't get any Internet.
Oh, I don't know how to do that, honey.
You have to do the reset button.
(SIGHS) Remember? Can you just put the iPad away and do some homework now? I don't have any.
Yes, I think you have homework.
- I'm taking I'm taking the iPad.
- No, no, no! - I love you.
- No, Mom, no! (BEETHOVEN'S NINTH SYMPHONY PLAYING) (MUSIC STOPS) - ARNOLD: Wait, wait, wait.
- (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Please - SAM: Cool! (WHOOPING, LAUGHTER) Who's there? Sam.
Hi, Arnold.
- Hi, Grandpa! - Hi, Grandpa Arnold.
I wasn't expecting you.
The performance is tomorrow.
SAM: Yeah, right, well, they can't come tomorrow, so I thought I'd swing by today so they can spend a little time with you.
But I've told everybody to expect them for the ceremony.
Right, well, as I said, they have other commitments.
Commitments? Yeah.
Well, Frankie and I have her friend Push's bar mitzvah, and Duke has stuff.
Hey, that sounded so good.
You guys are really good.
Good job! I always forget how much I like this kind of music.
Maybe you could take them for a little lunch today? They would love to spend some time with you.
Where's Max? Don't know.
- Did you ask her to be here? - Yup.
And she had a commitment? No, actually, I think they're just dating.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) You should have insisted, uh, that she be here.
Arnold.
She's 17.
You needed to have put time in on her long ago.
I mean, she's grown up.
These two, however, would love to have a little lunch with their grandpa.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Okay, my daisies.
What about some ice cream? - Sure.
Yeah.
- Come, come.
Take ten, everybody.
Hey.
Why don't you two run off backstage, and I will meet you there? Give me just a minute with your mother.
Bye, sweetie.
See you.
You know, Arnold, I'm-I'm not trying to cockblock your fantasies here; it's just that they're growing up.
I mean, they don't even go to my events when I have something anymore.
It's all right.
I understood.
So what's up? (CHUCKLES) I would like to talk about Xander.
Oh, really? I'd rather not.
I mean, that's why I divorced him.
I understand, though, that, uh, at the end of next year, your financial support of him, uh, expires.
Uh-huh.
Which is why I thought you and I ought to discuss it.
Oh, boy.
Ugh.
(EXHALES) Oof This is really just - Oof - Don't you think, for the good of the children, the father should be provided for? He's not even in their lives; he's a ghost.
This is not my problem.
I see.
Well Listen, Arnold, I don't think this conversation's gonna go anywhere good.
I mean, what do you want me to say here? I'm just worried about Xander.
I've been taking care of your son since the day I met him, which is Max's age plus nine months ago.
And I did it.
I did my time.
I paid.
I paid what I was told to pay.
And if you think, now, that I'm gonna volunteer to help this guy, who takes no part in his children's care, you're high.
Why don't you take care of him? (CHUCKLING) Oh, well Seriously.
Write him a check; you're doing fine.
But money's money.
Yes, and I'm keeping mine.
You should give him yours.
When he turned 18, I told him, as my father told me, a boy of leisure has two ways to provide for himself WHEN THE STRINGS ARE CUT: find a skill or find a woman who can provide.
He chose the latter.
Yeah, but that's why we're divorced now.
Why am I having this conversation? Is this really happening? This is like a bad dream.
- Sam - (EXHALES) He can't take care of himself.
I sometimes think, uh, the boy might do himself in.
(WHISPERS) Yes.
Yes! Yes, please! Okay, then.
At least I tell to his mother that I tried.
Thank you for bringing my girls.
- (SIGHS) - And, uh Sam, uh (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (SAM SIGHS HEAVILY) (GROANS) Oh boy.
This place is so cool.
It's really cool.
(GROANS, EXHALES) SAM: Oh, I got a good one.
My ex-husband's father We divorced in whatever.
Anyway, I've been paying him support while I take care of the kids.
Oh, I know this story, believe me.
It's like the same for everybody.
And I get to stop paying him next year, and his father just asked me to keep paying because, oh, poor him.
You know what the worst part is? You're gonna do it.
You're gonna take care of him for the rest of his life.
- No, I'm not.
- My ex-husband, I took care of him.
Then, when the kids moved out, he started sniffin' around.
He lives in my basement.
I would never do that.
You're gonna.
I said exactly the same thing.
You're gonna do it.
- You're gonna do it.
- I don't have a basement.
Do you have a garage? Yes.
But I don't think he could live in there.
You should see my basement.
(GROANS) Nope.
This is not only a celebration of Push and his manhood - FRANKIE: Sam? - (BOTH CHUCKLE) (WHISPERING) Listen, I'm really concerned.
Look, you're going to have to face this.
It's reality.
Your career could end any minute.
I mean, think about it.
Actresses have a shelf life, and I got to hand it to you, it is astonishing how long you've been able to stretch it out.
You're working well beyond your expiration date, Sam.
I mean, what are you, fifty seven, fifty-eight? You have to start thinking about your future.
You need an exit strategy.
There's no way Hollywood is gonna keep you around for much longer.
And the end is not going to come easy.
Just one day you're gonna go to work, and work won't be there.
Then what happens to me and my sisters? (SIGHS) You're gonna have to start wearing a yarmulke, Sam.
Because I don't know if you realize this, but your hair is falling out.
Seriously, you're developing a bald spot.
I'm saying this because I love you.
Everyone is talking about it.
When was the last time you saw the back of your head? (CLEARS THROAT) Mom, look at Mr.
Cohen.
Mom, that's you in two years, maybe one.
Mom, I love you no offense, but you have a massive bald spot on the back of your head.
Hi, Sam.
How are you? (AWKWARD CHUCKLE) Oh, hi, Dayle.
Oh, you look so beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my God, Frankie got so big.
- Hi, Mrs.
Lunchen.
- Hi.
RABBI: Now, all kidding aside there, I want to talk about this ancient tradition the bar mitzvah.
Now, you know, when I was growing up, - girls didn't have bat mitzvahs.
- (CLEARS THROAT) Listen, I have some ideas for jobs you can maybe look for when your career ends horribly.
Like you could work at McDonald's as a vomit cleaner.
Or, or you know those places where they take everybody's shit in the whole city and they chemically separate it into fertilizer and drinking water? Yeah.
Hmm.
You could work at one of those.
You could be a shit-sorter.
That would be a great job for an old bald lady.
- RABBI: And now, - (SIGHS) Push's parents have asked a very close family friend to say a few words.
So I would like to invite Sam Fox to come to the stage.
Sam? Lady Rabbi! - Ah.
- Okay.
High five.
Push! What a night, what an incredible night.
What a night for you you're a man now.
You're a man.
Well, except your penis part that's probably - (LAUGHTER) - still a boy.
The rabbi knows, 'cause she was there when the mohel cut it in half.
Snip, snip.
Wait a second.
So was I.
I had the fish.
At least I hope it was the fish.
(LAUGHTER) But, anyway, you are totally a man now, Push, in every other sense.
Even though you live with your mom and you probably will until you're about 23, and then she'll hand you over to some poor woman who will raise your kids for you while you watch sports.
And the mother.
Sunny, do you remember when Frankie and Push were in kindergarten, and we used to cry and cry 'cause we were so tired? (SNIFFLES) (VOICE BREAKING) And they're 13 now? And it's easier, right? No? - (SNIFFLES) - But, seriously, Push, you did a great job today, reading in Hebrew and Jewing it up so good.
And your grandmas.
You still have two whole living bubbies! Treasure that.
Look at them all the nachas they're feeling, right? Bertie? Barb? And somehow, your father looks older than both of them.
(LAUGHTER) (SNIFFLES) But seriously, I look out at all of you, and what I see is love.
As silly as these things are, we come together in love.
And so, I want to thank you, Push, for bringing us all together in love.
And to your family, I wish you the very best of lives and the very best year.
Good night! Thank you, Detroit! (SUNNY WHOOPS, APPLAUSE) (SPEAKING HEBREW) (LAUGHING) Oh, my God, I'm dying.
I love you so much.
Oh, dude, I love you.
- Was it okay? - You killed me.
Are you kidding me? It was amazing.
I will never forget it as long as I live.
- Oh, my God.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
Hi, Bertie! How are you feeling? Today was my grandson's bar mitzvah.
Yes.
Yes, I know.
Push.
He's 13! Yes! Yes, he is! - Thank you.
Thank you.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, I got to go to the can.
(SAM LAUGHS) - You remember my sister Felicia.
- Hi.
I think it's really inappropriate what you said.
Well, I'm sorry Felicia, shut the fuck up.
Get away from her.
There are children here, Sunny.
Get away now.
- Ooh! - Go.
Ooh! I'm sorry I made a trouble.
No.
Screw her.
She never changes.
I'm the one who should be sorry.
I had to invite her, 'cause of the bar mitzvah and the freaking family and - That was intense.
- Ah we need drinks.
- Yeah.
- We need drinks.
- Sunny, congratulations! - Oh, thank you, Dayle.
Are you going to go? Are you going to go to St.
Barts in April? (CLEARS THROAT) Oh, hi, Frankie.
- Hi! - (GASPS) Oh, my goodness gracious.
What happened to you there? Oh, nothing.
The dress came that way.
Did it? Yeah, it's fine.
That's good.
It's weird, though, because it kind of looks like you had bloody diarrhea out of your belly button.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
- Good.
Glad to hear it.
Well, I got to get back to it.
- Back to what? - Oh, you know.
Me and the other girls are giving presents to the Bar Mitzvah boy in the stairwell.
You're giving him another present? We're giving him money, honey.
No.
Mom, I'm giving him a present.
All the girls are.
Oh.
Is that right? Yeah.
I already went.
I'm going again.
- Good for you.
- Hmm, good for him.
Well, sure.
Hey, Mom, when you were my age, did you ever give boys presents at their bar mitzvah? Oh, my God.
I was kidding.
- (MUFFLED GROAN) - But you did.
Oh, my God, Mom, you were such a whore.
Gross! Oh, Drew.
Oh, hi.
- Oh.
- Yeah, that's nothing.
It's fine.
DREW: Y-You're not coming to class anymore.
- What's up? - FRANKIE: Oh, yeah.
- I switched Spanish classes.
- DREW: Huh.
FRANKIE: Did they not tell him that? DREW: No.
It seems like you were just avoiding me.
Oh, yeah, definitely would never do that.
This is why I told them they should have fired him - a long time ago.
- Yeah? I don't know, man.
So, I feel like I never see you anymore.
What's up? Oh, yeah.
You know, just - Stuff? - Yeah.
- We should hang out soon.
- Definitely, yeah.
(MAN SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Hey, can you help me with the cans? Sure.
Thank you.
Do you want me to get the last one? No, I got it.
- Okay.
- Here.
Take the keys.
Okay.
I love you, Mom.
Baby, I love you.
(KISSING) Hey, Mom? Remember the end of The Flintstones? What? (SIGHS) Frankie? Frankie?! (SIGHS) (CHUCKLES) Wilma! Frankie! Little shit.
Okay, fine.
(SIGHS)