Bunk'd (2015) s02e08 Episode Script

1 Yes! I scored a goal! Yeah, for the other team! Ba-boosh! We win! Remind me, Emma, how many competitions have we beat the boys in this week? Let's see.
There was canoe racing, archery, tetherball.
Okay, okay, you don't have to rub it in.
Seriously, how low can you go? Very low.
That's why we beat you at limbo, too.
Okay, up top.
We kicked your butts! 'Cause you know what they say, girls rock, and boys Knock.
Didn't think that through, did ya? There wasn't time.
I tried my best.
Okay, we want a rematch.
No, we do not.
Come on Ravi, we can't keep losing to the girls! Trust me, you get used to it.
Fine.
Let me stretch my wrists.
Are you guys done? And why is Ravi Vogue -ing? Actually, we're still playing.
But you guys have The Spot.
We want to hang out here! Oh, drat, I was so looking forward to foosing the ball.
That's Ravi-speak for "I'm tired of getting whooped by the women.
" I thought they'd never leave.
They're so annoying.
Hey, you wanna hear my new scream? (Screams) Why is he here? Because every time we ditch him, he finds us.
All right, dweebs.
Beat it! This is Weasel turf! (Scoffs) Says who? Me.
I just said it.
Now scram, before I sic Crystal on you.
(Growls) We're not scared of you.
Right, guys? And, they're gone.
So, aren't bloodstains so hard to get out? Good talk.
Here we go We're leaving the city behind right now Let's gather by the campfire light And sing this song All: Kikiwaka Hanging out with someone new Then falling out of a camp canoe What's that smell? It's on your shoe All: Kikiwaka Got a s'more in my hair Mosquitos in our underwear Shower's broke but we don't care All: Kikiwaka This is our home away from home away from home away from home But watch your back A bear just ate my phone All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Ugh, I hate the Weasels.
Now we have nowhere to hang out.
We could play in my imaginary igloo.
It's air-conditioned.
Seriously, who invited him? Guys, look! That little house blew right into that tree! Okay, I'm from New York City, and even I know that's a treehouse.
Oh! My mom never lets me play outside.
Or play.
Maybe we can fix it up and make this our chill zone! That is literally the name of my igloo.
Okay, so, whichever team stacks their wood the fastest, wins.
And the losers, you, have to take out the trash of the winners, us! Okay, Ravi, I am not going to lose to them again! The only thing we've won all summer is "best-smelling cabin".
And it took many of my scented candles to overcome what I call, "The Jorge Effect.
" Well, let's win something that doesn't involve smelling like jasmine.
On your mark, get set, stack! Wow, Emma, you are really good at this.
It's just like stacking shoe boxes when I go shopping, but with termites.
Come on, Ravi, hurry! Do you know what it's like to be trash-talked by your own girlfriend? No.
Usually I just get excuses about why they need to go home early.
And done.
We win! Again! Way to lose, you losers! You should open a losing factory, but then you'd probably lose the keys to the building, and your business would go under, losers! Oh, boom! She got you I think.
Nice to know you girls are such gracious winners.
Oh, you're just mad because now you have to take out our trash.
And our trash is extra trashy.
Momma likes her stinky cheese.
Come on, Emma, let's go celebrate with some Limburger.
Guys, once we fix this place up, it's going to be an awesome hangout! I wonder if we could fit in a hot tub.
Gotta get my soak on! Okay, I took out this broken board.
That wasn't broken when you started.
So, what should we do next? I don't know.
The only thing I've built is a three-dimensional model of DNA.
I won an award.
Not bragging though.
You can't brag to people who don't care.
So, none of us have any building experience? Don't worry, ladies.
I know what I'm doing.
(Both grunt) That's right.
Just rest your pretty little heads while I take care of everything.
Look, I am sorry we keep losing to Emma and Lou because of me.
But if it makes you feel any better Is there more to that sentence? No.
I got nothing, I am too depressed.
Wow! That was a really tough shot.
How did you make that? I just calculated the exact angle at which the white ball would need to hit the other ball in order for it to go into the hole.
Badda bing, badda boom.
You figured all that out on the spot? Sure.
When I am feeling sad, I look for the math in the situation.
Geometry is my Adele.
I can't believe how good you are at pool.
No offense, it's almost like you're coordinated! You say "No offense," but then you say something very offensive.
Ravi, this is it! This is how we can finally beat the girls.
You are right! At last, I can help us to victory! And we should bet them something huge! Ooh, I like that.
But we can't go to the girls too confident, or they'll get suspicious.
We've gotta hustle them.
But I am a terrible dancer.
Not "the Hustle".
I mean, we gotta make them think we're bad, so that we can get 'em good.
That's where you come in, pool shark.
Oh stop.
I might be a pool minnow.
A pool haddock at best.
But a pool shark? Please.
You're not used to getting compliments, are you? Is it that obvious? Okay, maybe one of these kids can help us build our treehouse.
That kid has pretty good technique.
Oh, never mind, he's a glue-eater.
Hey, guys.
(Screaming) Before you do anything crazy, keep in mind that there are a lot of witnesses out here! Oh, come on! Look, I just want to talk to you.
I know we haven't always gotten along.
You once buried me up to my neck in an anthill.
So I goof a little hard sometimes.
To make it up to you, I want to help you fix your treehouse.
Did you follow us into the woods? Your creepy level just went up to 10.
I can help you.
My dad's a contractor, so I'm good at building things.
And overcharging people.
Okay, but if we choose to do this, you cannot tell the other Weasels.
That's not a problem.
They're not great conversationalists.
I don't know.
Can we trust her? We'd be building with the enemy.
But we would get our treehouse, even if Lydia is evil incarnate.
Okay, you have yourself a deal! Great! And by the way, I could hear everything you just said about me.
Oh, uh We meant another Lydia.
Yeah, her! Hey, meanie! On your way to an evil convention? See? She is the worst.
Lydia was right.
These slats will work great for the treehouse! I told Lou that cheese would go straight to my butt! Grab that last nail.
Wow, that was some heavy pudding.
Yes, usually the food just tastes like rocks.
Quick, grab the bolts! If my mom saw me doing this, it would kill her.
Take a picture.
Go, go, go! (Metal clinks) (Creaking) Oh, boy.
Is it just me, or is this camp really starting to fall apart? Tell me about it.
So, what do you sad sacks want? What we want is a chance to end our losing streak and reclaim our dignity in a game of billiards.
You seriously want to take us on again? Because if so, we're going to crush you like a car in a giant machine that crushes things.
I'm not sure what that's called.
I think it's called a "crusher".
Yeah, that! I know it seems like we are gluttons for punishment, but please, humor us.
Okay, we'll even let you break.
(Sighs) Uh, Ravi, you need to turn it around.
Really? Because this feels wrong.
Whoopsie! (Gasps) I hit the three-ball! How many points is that? Three, I assume? Uh-uh-uh, that nail is crooked.
Sorry.
You know, Lydia, you can help out a little, too.
I am helping.
I'm telling you what you're doing wrong.
Hey, Lydia, how about something to drink? Sure.
Ah.
That was refreshing.
Guys, I think we're done! Now this treehouse is our tree home.
Oh, that's so cute.
You guys actually think this place is yours? (Whistles) This is Weasel property now! Wait a minute, you guys played us? Like a violin.
How dare you besmirch such a beautiful instrument! Wait, why didn't you just take the treehouse when you first saw it? Because we needed you for manual labor.
My girls were working on our Weasel of the Month calendar.
Crystal is July.
Now start walking, or start falling! We're not going anywhere! Right, guys? Gone again! I need better friends.
Oh, Hades' anklets! I really thought we had that one.
You and me both.
Oh, cruel universe, will the losing ever stop? Dial it back.
Perhaps you girls will give us a rematch? And how about we make things a little more interesting? Keep talkin'.
We up the ante, raise the stakes, ramp up the action Stop talkin'.
We make a bet, okay? Whichever team loses has to cover themselves in honey and feathers, and run around camp, clucking like a chicken.
You've got yourself a deal.
Hope honey doesn't make your skin break out, because it happens to me, and it's a real curse.
Hey, Ravi, what are you thinking? Solids or stripes? Well, Xander, I'm feeling pretty solid about stripes.
It's probably just beginner's luck.
Or not.
Uh-oh.
I think we're getting hustled.
Ravi, how are you so good? Math.
As my boy Pythagoras would say, A-squared plus B-squared equals Ravi kicks butt at pool! Ravi, sometimes saying nothing makes you cooler.
Okay, I am tired of the Weasels always pushing us around.
We have to take a stand, so they know we're not going to take it anymore! Great idea! Let's tattle on them.
No, only babies tattle on people.
We are going to do the mature thing, and use a stink bomb.
Now all we have to do is sit and wait.
(All coughing) Nice try.
(Chuckles) Not! Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to get back to our calendar photo shoot.
Crystal likes the wind-blown look.
Look at her hair.
I think I'm in love.
This is Emma Ross, reporting.
The game is neck-and-neck.
Despite being hustled, the girls have managed to catch up! What will happen? Let's see.
Okay, Xander, simply hit the cue ball at a 45-degree angle.
After impact, the force of the cue ball against the eight-ball will send it into the side pocket, assuming that there is no friction between the two! Gosh, I love sports! I'm just gonna hit it.
Ha! You missed, because girls kick butt, and boys Don't.
You'll get it.
Uh, I would have made that, but this felt is not regulation! (Chuckles) Your excuse is even worse than your shot! And here comes Lou the Laser Shooter.
Lou, how do you feel? I feel confident.
I feel proud.
And if I'm being honest, a little bit bloated.
I went hard on that cheese.
All right, if this plan doesn't get us our treehouse back, I don't know what will.
Jorge, stay on script! Can't make any promises.
I'm an improv man.
Another reason to hate improv.
Come on guys, let's get our treehouse back! (All fake laughing) That was so much fun! I love our new hangout! Tell me about it! It's the coolest! Keep it down, clown-farts! But, what are you talking about? Oh, nothing, just this super awesome cave we found over by the stream.
Yeah, it's our new clubhouse! We put in a TV, a couch.
A popcorn-maker! And there are bats! That wasn't in the script! I love bats! What can I say? I know what women want.
News flash, we're taking that cave, and there is nothing you can do about it, twerps! But it's ours! And we would miss our bat friends! Too bad.
They're our bats now.
Hey, Crystal.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? She totally digs me! Okay, what should we do first? Dance party! (Humming) I told you Lydia would fall for the fake cave! She's as dumb as she is mean.
What did you just say about me? Uh We were talking about the other Lydia.
We were? I thought we were talking about her.
I can't believe you guys suckered us.
Good thing I came back for Crystal's fan.
That would be me.
You think you could set us up? Nah, she usually likes her boyfriends living.
You wouldn't hit a kid with glasses, would you? Absolutely.
That way you can focus on my fist.
(All screaming) I can't believe I missed! Stupid non-regulation felt.
Now all Ravi has to do is get the eight-ball in and we win! Looks like you put the "Lou" in "lou-ser".
Yeah, well, you put the "der" in "Xan-der".
And in case you haven't noticed, Ravi has to jump our ball to sink the eight-ball.
That is an impossible shot.
Not for Ravi, the pool haddock.
Okay Ravi, you can finally win one for the boys! Are you forgetting my scented candles? Now no pressure, but if you don't sink this shot, we can never show our faces around camp again.
You say "No pressure," but then you put all this pressure on me.
Because I know you can handle it.
Right.
I can handle it.
No problem.
Could somebody open a window? (Inhales sharply) (Chalk screeching) Are you chalking that cue or trying to start a fire? (Exhales) What are you waiting for? We need this to win! Just shoot! I cannot! Why? Because winning is so important to you, and not letting you down again is so important to me.
And it all rests on this one shot, and my hands are really sweaty.
Will someone please open a flipping window? Things have taken a dramatic turn here, as Ravi Ross suffers a total meltdown.
Ravi, care to comment? Get that microphone out of my face! Whoa! Okay.
Okay, Ravi.
Calm down, okay? You don't want this to wind up in the tabloids.
Look, I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you.
Don't give up because of me.
But what if I try and fail you again? Well, at least you'll have tried.
After all, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Ooh, that just gave me chills.
Math always inspires me.
I did it! Wait, look! You scratched! We win! Ha! Because girls are hot and boys are not! Finally, crushed it.
Like that thingy that crushes things! I can't believe the girls beat us again.
Well, technically, we beat ourselves.
So we finally beat someone! Yes! Victory is ours! (All screaming) We're gonna die! If I don't make it, donate my body to science.
There's a lot of weird stuff in here! Okay, let's all stay calm, and walk slowly to the ladder.
Out of my way! Always the gentleman! (All screaming) Tiffany, you're the closest to the ladder.
You go next! Better idea, I go next! (All scream) Or not.
I'm going, and if I don't make it, tell my mom it's all her fault.
Lydia, your turn.
(Screams) I thought I was next.
The treehouse has spoken! (Shrieks) Zuri, are you okay? I'm fine.
(Treehouse creaks) (Screams) Well, we're all safe.
Let's head back to camp.
Wait! Aren't you forgetting something? Is it someone's birthday? No, she was talking about me! Save me! If only there was something we could use to catch her.
(Screams) Wait, it just hit me.
There's a rug back in our cabin! Or we could use the one that just hit your empty head.
Everyone grab a side! All right, Lydia, jump! I'm scared.
Just do it! (Screams) (All grunt) Are you okay? Yeah.
It worked! Wow! I can't believe you guys saved my life after I was so mean.
I would have let you plummet to your death.
Remind me not to go zip-lining with you.
Now look, we might come from different cabins, but in the end, we're all Kikiwakans.
Geez, Zuri, that's Super lame.
But sweet.
Thank you.
And to show you how grateful I am, you guys can have the treehouse.
And I'll make sure the Weasels leave you alone.
(Wood cracks) Look out! (Chuckles) Have fun! Cluck, cluck, ladies.
Hey, Ravi, I think that girl is checking out your wings! Less yapping, more clucking! They're not as miserable as I thought they'd be.
I know.
They really suck the joy out of everything.
Who wants a hunk of free-range Ravi? I don't know about those girls, but there's a hawk overhead eyeing you.
(Hawk screeching) (Both laughing) And the joy is back!