Coupling (2000) s02e08 Episode Script
Naked
You won't admit you love me And so How am I ever To know You always tell me Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps Hi.
So who's Julia? She joined the firm|about two months ago.
Really senior,|really high up.
Yeah, and and amazing.
Gorgeous! Like Alison|from the Red Lion.
Only more eyes.
More eyes? Amazing eyes,|top-of-the-range eyes.
But just two, Jeff.
You haven't|seen them, Steve.
It's like|she's got hundreds.
Right.
Oh, and her breasts Steve her breasts.
I take it|she's got breasts? Covered in 'em.
So who is it? I'm not saying.
But it's someone|from the office, then? I'm not telling you.
Oh, describe him.
He's edible.
So, there was|a cupboard incident? What happened? Nothing happened nothing.
Nothing? Absolutely nothing ish.
And I just thought|I could kiss this man.
And did you? Well, you know how sometimes|you just don't.
No.
No.
|No.
Okay you know,|it's someone at work.
And someone really junior to me.
Is it ever really acceptable|to kiss someone In those circumstances? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Kevin from|the photocopy place.
Kevin, yes.
|Put him down.
Sorry? Different conversation.
So who is this guy?|Tell us.
No way am I telling you.
All right.
Well, at least tell|us if you kissed him or not.
Well sorry.
Why did you do that? I'm sorry.
|I- I just I'm really sorry.
That was the wrong thing to do,|wasn't it? Um yeah.
|Yes, it was.
I should've, um|you know flossed.
|Asked.
Well, you know, both.
I hope it wasn't|too dreadful for you.
Maybe you don't have to|moisten quite so much.
Right.
Thank you.
|G- Good tip.
It's just a thought.
I'll bear it in mind.
You were at the canteen|today, weren't you? Yes.
I was at the next table.
|I didn't think you'd noticed me.
I didn't, actually.
But I'd know that lasagna|anywhere.
Hey hey.
No? Lasagna? That's terrible.
That's awful.
That exact thing|happened to me once.
And it was lasagna|with me, too.
It's my worst ever memory.
He just|went off laughing? Oh, my God.
No! None of that|actually happened.
I never kissed him.
Oh.
That was what was going|through my mind.
That's why I didn't kiss him.
Oh, I see.
Of course.
Hang on.
That lasagna thing|didn't happen to me either.
It was|somebody else.
I remembered it by mistake.
So you didn't kiss him.
What did happen? Well n.
A.
T.
What? Couldn't be certain.
|It was very slight, But I think|there was detectable n.
A.
T.
Detectable what? The first step along the path To the forest of woman.
The first signpost|along the road To intimate squelching.
N.
A.
T.
? Nose avoidance tilting.
Sorry what are you doing?|Why did you do that? I'm really, really sorry.
You kissed me.
You touched me with your mouth.
It was an accident.
You kissed me.
You did! No! I was just moving my mouth|in your general area, And it snagged.
I can't believe this.
|This is horrible! Oh, my God! Were you thinking|of putting your tongue in? No! No! Not my tongue! You were! You were thinking|of putting your tongue in! All right.
What's going on here? It's Jeff.
He kissed me.
Jeff kissed you?|That's disgusting! I think he was going to|put his tongue in! His tongue! What's happening? Jeff's kissed someone! Oh, my God! And he was going to put his tongue in! His tongue?! It's not true! I never use my tongue|on people! It's just for stamps|and emergencies.
We'll take over|from here.
We're bringing in|Jeff Murdoch.
He kissed a woman.
We were only|just in time.
He was about to put|his tongue in.
Your tongue|you were actually thinking, Actually contemplating no! No! What makes you think|any woman alive Would want your hideous, Your revolting, your disgusting tongue! I'm sorry.
|I'm sorry.
I'm sorry what? I'm sorry, mother! Let's do it! No! No! No! That's what you thought|would happen If you kissed her? You think|if you kiss a woman, Your mother will emasculate you|with a miniature guillotine? I know.
Mothers, eh? So you didn't|kiss her, then? Didn't you find your mother Would always turn up|in your bedroom doorway At the worst possible moment And say, "oh, Jeffrey!" Yeah, well,|not being called Jeffrey "oh, Jeffrey!" Always so disappointed.
Anyway, moving on.
She didn't really have a|miniature guillotine, you know.
I'm sure she was making that up.
Leaving your mother behind|for a moment "oh, Jeffrey!" Jeff, concentrate! Focus.
You, Julia,|the cupboard.
What happened? I'd better just yeah, of course.
Better be going.
|Sure, yeah.
Let me, um oh, thank you.
Well, bye, then.
Bye.
Um didn't you want to come out|of the cupboard, too? No, no, um I thought I might|stay for a bit a couple of minutes.
I don't want to, um,|you know, rush it.
Okay.
Bye.
Excellent.
Not bad at all.
Nice one.
What? Well, by your standards.
You didn't accidentally tell|her you're an ax-murderer.
Or you've got a wooden leg.
Or you collect women's ears in a bucket.
You ol' devil.
What are you talkin' about? She thinks|I'm a cupboard loiterer.
Oh, come on, Jeff.
At least you're a biped|who doesn't kill people.
That's a big step forward.
I'm nearly 30, you know.
What? I'm not 15.
By now, I should be|able to talk to a woman Without accidentally saying|"nipples" or "gusset.
" Or or did you know you can|make candles out of human fat? I thought you were|already 30.
Yeah, I thought|you were 30.
Even when I'm getting solid|n.
A.
T.
, I can't do anything.
Do you know what|that's like? Imagine what my boys|must be thinking? They must've given up hope.
I'm sorry? Your boys? Yeah, my boys.
My swimmers.
My landing party.
By any chance|are you referring to your spermatozoa? Exactly.
I am a prison|for sperms.
Those poor little tadpoles|have been sentenced to life In Jeff Murdoch's groin.
And let me tell you, That can be|a pretty lonely place.
I'm sure you always|lend a hand.
Well, yeah,|there's that, but you know, that's not what|the boys are wanting, is it? They want to think they're|going somewhere when they go.
I keep thinking about|my brave lads All excited|on the launch pad, And then suddenly it's,|"oh, no, daylight!" I'm so hopeless at all this.
|I'm fine in real life.
You certainly are.
You've got half the office|terrified of you.
The moment I see a guy i|like, I'm complete rubbish.
I'm like a different person.
|My brain melts And my breasts stick out.
Breasts? Every time.
Can't stop them.
See a nice bloke|and wham there they are, Like man-activated air bags.
If I ever meet my ideal guy,|I'll flatten him against a wall.
I know! Nice arse bloke|from the coffee place.
Oh, nice arse, yes.
You ask him.
You know what he looks|like from the front.
Guys, we're trying|to organize a party.
Not a bloke market.
Susan you really are in a|relationship now, aren't you? You said|we could bring people.
Yeah, a couple|of people.
Maybe even|women people.
No, we don't want|too many women people.
Don't want|too much competition.
Bad party ecology.
Too many predators|grazing the herd.
Exactly.
What do you mean,|your brain melts? I open my mouth and|complete rubbish comes out.
Men can't get anywhere near me|for all the rubbish I'm talking.
In the world of romance,|I'm an impregnable fortress.
No chance of invasion.
Julia can come|to the party! Thing is, I'm bound|to see this guy again.
How do I handle it?|What do I say? Naked.
Sorry? You can program|any man's libido By careful use|of the word "naked.
" Just slip it subtly into the|conversation every now and then.
It's a scientific fact If you say the word "naked,"|three or more times to any man, He has to cross his legs.
And at the other end of|the female insanity spectrum, Jane pretends to be bisexual|with much the same result.
What do you mean|"pretends"? Jane, are we supposed to believe There's a single woman out there|that you've actually slept with? Can I get you ladies anything? Um, a bottle of white wine, please.
Tommy, didn't you|used to have table cloths here? I don't remember the table|cloths being quite so naked.
Uh I don't think so.
Maybe they were|always naked.
But I like naked.
Naked's good.
Sorry.
Uh, what was that again? A bottle of white wine.
|White wine.
Fifteen?|What? I've slept with|15 women so far.
Of course, two of them|were at the same time, But you know what|those stewardesses are like.
I think it was|the uniforms.
Uh sorry.
What was that again? Bottle of white wine.
|White wine.
Of course uniforms? You mean they|weren't naked? I didn't keep them naked|the whole time, Sally.
That was just|with you three.
Bottle of white wine.
Sorry.
These chairs are|a bit uncomfortable.
It's our fault.
Oh! Should've worn underwear.
Red or white? Which, um|floor are you going to? I'm not bothered.
Sorry? Uh I'm just, you know, Enjoying the lift.
Floor four? Yeah, nice.
Doors take ages|to close.
Yeah did you press a button? No, they just do that.
Um a a floor button|should close the door.
Oh, yes, of course.
|Ha ha! Sorry.
I was just, um noticing your eyes.
My eyes? Yeah, just noticing them.
You've got the eyes|of ten women.
What? Not in a jar!|I wasn't accusing you! No, no.
I I just mean your eyes|are really nice.
Oh thank you.
Thank you very much.
And that's a nice top.
Really nice.
Oh, do you think so? You look great in it,|absolutely great.
Oh, thank you.
You look fantastic.
You should see me naked! Um just, uh just wondering do you ever go out? Yeah yeah.
I I go out.
I go out, too.
Sometimes.
|Great.
Now and then.
Out I go.
I'm, uh I'm I'm rubbish at asking|people out, though.
Oh, so am I.
I'm rubbish at all that.
Are you? I say the stupidest things.
|I put people off.
I say stupid things.
|I put people off.
I'm 28 and no one|can get near me For all the rubbish|I'm talking! That's what I'm like.
|That's exactly me! I'm an impregnable fortress.
I'm full of sperm! Okay.
You're ahead on|staying stupid things now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I I didn't mean no, that's okay.
I meant what I said before.
I I'm rubbish|at asking people out.
Well I'm rubbish at being asked out.
Are you? Absolutely terrible.
Well, that's|a coincidence.
It certainly is.
That's something we've|really got in common.
Yes, that's spooky.
I mean, thank God,|I'm not asking you out! Exactly!|Thank God for that! Yeah, thank God.
Good ol' God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
See ya later.
Yeah.
See ya.
Ah morning, Jeff.
Morning, Jeff.
Morning, Jeff.
Okay for my boys.
Hi.
Do you want to go out|and get a drink sometime? We could, uh we could talk rubbish|at each other And save two other people.
Steve.
What are you doin' here? Oh, you know,|just popped 'round.
You never pop 'round! I just thought|I'd drop in on Susan.
You know, surprise her.
W- What are you doing here? I didn't think you were|allowed up on the posh floor.
Finally got 'round|to asking Julia out.
It went really well.
She's not there.
Apart from that.
So this is her office then, eh? Nice hey!|You can't come in here! Why not? It's her office.
|What if she finds us? What will she do? Shout, "guards! Guards!" You're not supposed to be|in somebody else's office.
Okay, well I'll be with you in two minutes.
I'm just nipping|to my office.
Ah! This is someone|who likes you! N.
A.
T.
, remember? And tell that little worm, Graham, If he doesn't|buck his ideas up, I will personally|sell him to a glue factory! what are you doing? I'm 30 and I still end|up in the girl's toilet! What's the matter with me? I don't know! Nobody knows that! Stephen Hawking|doesn't know that! Hello? Is there someone in there? Hello? Oh! Uh, hello, Julia.
Jeff, is that you? Yeah, it's me.
|How are you? I'm fine.
Listen, I'm going to be|quite a bit longer in here, So I'll maybe|catch you later, okay? What are you doing|using my toilet? Well, I was|I was just passing.
Passing?|Yeah.
And I thought, oh,|there's Julia's office.
I'll just pop in and|have a chat with Julia.
But you weren't here, so i|thought, next best thing you thought|you'd use my toilet? Well, you weren't here.
Most people just leave a note.
Jeff? Are you coming out? No! She can't see me! In a minute! I would like to use|the facilities myself, If that's okay with you? Okay.
I'll get her|out the room.
I'll distract her.
I'll|think of something.
Trust me.
Okay.
Just stay here,|stay quiet, And wait for my signal.
Thanks.
Hello.
I'm a friend|of Jeff's.
Yes.
That would seem|to be the case.
Now, before I call security Yes.
Before you do, There's something|you ought to know, And it's really important.
Oh, Jeffrey I'm really sorry|about everything.
Just everything.
|Sorry.
Everything I'm sorry.
Really, totally,|completely sorry.
You're not saying anything.
I know try it.
Happy 30th birthday.
Your date of birth's|in the computer.
Why didn't you tell anyone? well, you know, Birthdays.
Hmm.
How are you|enjoying this one? Julia yes, Jeff would you like to|go out with me sometime? No.
Oh, right.
Okay.
|I just thought I'd much rather|stay in with you.
Oh okay.
Okay.
If you think I'm nervous|when I'm just talking, You should see me|when I'm stayin' in.
Don't worry.
I'm rubbish|at the talking bit, too, But I'm really good|at the staying in part.
So long as you|don't mind getting A little deviant|every now and then.
Oh okay! What are you doing? Well, it's your birthday it's time for|your birthday treat.
Here? Well, why not? Everyone's gone home.
Ah right.
Trust me.
Do you trust me? No.
I'm going to leave you|for a moment or two.
I don't want you to move,|okay? All right.
nervous? I'm not! I'm really not.
Good.
|Well, you wait here, And get ready|for serious fun.
Okay, boys! This is it! You're going in.
|You're now going in! Sex! I'm going to have sex I'm going to have sex Oh Oh Da-dum dah Da-Da dum dum Da-Da dum Da-Da dum da Da da, da da Stop him.
Da dum Da-Da dum da Whoa! Yowza! Da-Da dum Da-Da dum Da-Dum dah Da-Da dum da Da-Da duh Da-Da da-Da Da dum da Da-Da da-Da Da-Da da dum Da-Da dum Da-Dum da Da-Da dum da Da-Da duh Da-Da dum da Whoo! Da-Da da-Da Da-Da dum da Da-Da dum Da oh! Da-Da da-Da Da-Da dum Whoo! Oh, Jeffrey! Mother? Ah! I, uh, think everyone|had better go.
That was great!|Don't you think? As a senior executive|in this firm, Let me assure you|that performing a striptease In the main conference room In front of a large percentage|of the senior management Is completely and utterly And in all possible ways,|unacceptable.
Yes.
I I understand.
Which is why, Jeff, Which is why I had to send|them home first.
So who's Julia? She joined the firm|about two months ago.
Really senior,|really high up.
Yeah, and and amazing.
Gorgeous! Like Alison|from the Red Lion.
Only more eyes.
More eyes? Amazing eyes,|top-of-the-range eyes.
But just two, Jeff.
You haven't|seen them, Steve.
It's like|she's got hundreds.
Right.
Oh, and her breasts Steve her breasts.
I take it|she's got breasts? Covered in 'em.
So who is it? I'm not saying.
But it's someone|from the office, then? I'm not telling you.
Oh, describe him.
He's edible.
So, there was|a cupboard incident? What happened? Nothing happened nothing.
Nothing? Absolutely nothing ish.
And I just thought|I could kiss this man.
And did you? Well, you know how sometimes|you just don't.
No.
No.
|No.
Okay you know,|it's someone at work.
And someone really junior to me.
Is it ever really acceptable|to kiss someone In those circumstances? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Kevin from|the photocopy place.
Kevin, yes.
|Put him down.
Sorry? Different conversation.
So who is this guy?|Tell us.
No way am I telling you.
All right.
Well, at least tell|us if you kissed him or not.
Well sorry.
Why did you do that? I'm sorry.
|I- I just I'm really sorry.
That was the wrong thing to do,|wasn't it? Um yeah.
|Yes, it was.
I should've, um|you know flossed.
|Asked.
Well, you know, both.
I hope it wasn't|too dreadful for you.
Maybe you don't have to|moisten quite so much.
Right.
Thank you.
|G- Good tip.
It's just a thought.
I'll bear it in mind.
You were at the canteen|today, weren't you? Yes.
I was at the next table.
|I didn't think you'd noticed me.
I didn't, actually.
But I'd know that lasagna|anywhere.
Hey hey.
No? Lasagna? That's terrible.
That's awful.
That exact thing|happened to me once.
And it was lasagna|with me, too.
It's my worst ever memory.
He just|went off laughing? Oh, my God.
No! None of that|actually happened.
I never kissed him.
Oh.
That was what was going|through my mind.
That's why I didn't kiss him.
Oh, I see.
Of course.
Hang on.
That lasagna thing|didn't happen to me either.
It was|somebody else.
I remembered it by mistake.
So you didn't kiss him.
What did happen? Well n.
A.
T.
What? Couldn't be certain.
|It was very slight, But I think|there was detectable n.
A.
T.
Detectable what? The first step along the path To the forest of woman.
The first signpost|along the road To intimate squelching.
N.
A.
T.
? Nose avoidance tilting.
Sorry what are you doing?|Why did you do that? I'm really, really sorry.
You kissed me.
You touched me with your mouth.
It was an accident.
You kissed me.
You did! No! I was just moving my mouth|in your general area, And it snagged.
I can't believe this.
|This is horrible! Oh, my God! Were you thinking|of putting your tongue in? No! No! Not my tongue! You were! You were thinking|of putting your tongue in! All right.
What's going on here? It's Jeff.
He kissed me.
Jeff kissed you?|That's disgusting! I think he was going to|put his tongue in! His tongue! What's happening? Jeff's kissed someone! Oh, my God! And he was going to put his tongue in! His tongue?! It's not true! I never use my tongue|on people! It's just for stamps|and emergencies.
We'll take over|from here.
We're bringing in|Jeff Murdoch.
He kissed a woman.
We were only|just in time.
He was about to put|his tongue in.
Your tongue|you were actually thinking, Actually contemplating no! No! What makes you think|any woman alive Would want your hideous, Your revolting, your disgusting tongue! I'm sorry.
|I'm sorry.
I'm sorry what? I'm sorry, mother! Let's do it! No! No! No! That's what you thought|would happen If you kissed her? You think|if you kiss a woman, Your mother will emasculate you|with a miniature guillotine? I know.
Mothers, eh? So you didn't|kiss her, then? Didn't you find your mother Would always turn up|in your bedroom doorway At the worst possible moment And say, "oh, Jeffrey!" Yeah, well,|not being called Jeffrey "oh, Jeffrey!" Always so disappointed.
Anyway, moving on.
She didn't really have a|miniature guillotine, you know.
I'm sure she was making that up.
Leaving your mother behind|for a moment "oh, Jeffrey!" Jeff, concentrate! Focus.
You, Julia,|the cupboard.
What happened? I'd better just yeah, of course.
Better be going.
|Sure, yeah.
Let me, um oh, thank you.
Well, bye, then.
Bye.
Um didn't you want to come out|of the cupboard, too? No, no, um I thought I might|stay for a bit a couple of minutes.
I don't want to, um,|you know, rush it.
Okay.
Bye.
Excellent.
Not bad at all.
Nice one.
What? Well, by your standards.
You didn't accidentally tell|her you're an ax-murderer.
Or you've got a wooden leg.
Or you collect women's ears in a bucket.
You ol' devil.
What are you talkin' about? She thinks|I'm a cupboard loiterer.
Oh, come on, Jeff.
At least you're a biped|who doesn't kill people.
That's a big step forward.
I'm nearly 30, you know.
What? I'm not 15.
By now, I should be|able to talk to a woman Without accidentally saying|"nipples" or "gusset.
" Or or did you know you can|make candles out of human fat? I thought you were|already 30.
Yeah, I thought|you were 30.
Even when I'm getting solid|n.
A.
T.
, I can't do anything.
Do you know what|that's like? Imagine what my boys|must be thinking? They must've given up hope.
I'm sorry? Your boys? Yeah, my boys.
My swimmers.
My landing party.
By any chance|are you referring to your spermatozoa? Exactly.
I am a prison|for sperms.
Those poor little tadpoles|have been sentenced to life In Jeff Murdoch's groin.
And let me tell you, That can be|a pretty lonely place.
I'm sure you always|lend a hand.
Well, yeah,|there's that, but you know, that's not what|the boys are wanting, is it? They want to think they're|going somewhere when they go.
I keep thinking about|my brave lads All excited|on the launch pad, And then suddenly it's,|"oh, no, daylight!" I'm so hopeless at all this.
|I'm fine in real life.
You certainly are.
You've got half the office|terrified of you.
The moment I see a guy i|like, I'm complete rubbish.
I'm like a different person.
|My brain melts And my breasts stick out.
Breasts? Every time.
Can't stop them.
See a nice bloke|and wham there they are, Like man-activated air bags.
If I ever meet my ideal guy,|I'll flatten him against a wall.
I know! Nice arse bloke|from the coffee place.
Oh, nice arse, yes.
You ask him.
You know what he looks|like from the front.
Guys, we're trying|to organize a party.
Not a bloke market.
Susan you really are in a|relationship now, aren't you? You said|we could bring people.
Yeah, a couple|of people.
Maybe even|women people.
No, we don't want|too many women people.
Don't want|too much competition.
Bad party ecology.
Too many predators|grazing the herd.
Exactly.
What do you mean,|your brain melts? I open my mouth and|complete rubbish comes out.
Men can't get anywhere near me|for all the rubbish I'm talking.
In the world of romance,|I'm an impregnable fortress.
No chance of invasion.
Julia can come|to the party! Thing is, I'm bound|to see this guy again.
How do I handle it?|What do I say? Naked.
Sorry? You can program|any man's libido By careful use|of the word "naked.
" Just slip it subtly into the|conversation every now and then.
It's a scientific fact If you say the word "naked,"|three or more times to any man, He has to cross his legs.
And at the other end of|the female insanity spectrum, Jane pretends to be bisexual|with much the same result.
What do you mean|"pretends"? Jane, are we supposed to believe There's a single woman out there|that you've actually slept with? Can I get you ladies anything? Um, a bottle of white wine, please.
Tommy, didn't you|used to have table cloths here? I don't remember the table|cloths being quite so naked.
Uh I don't think so.
Maybe they were|always naked.
But I like naked.
Naked's good.
Sorry.
Uh, what was that again? A bottle of white wine.
|White wine.
Fifteen?|What? I've slept with|15 women so far.
Of course, two of them|were at the same time, But you know what|those stewardesses are like.
I think it was|the uniforms.
Uh sorry.
What was that again? Bottle of white wine.
|White wine.
Of course uniforms? You mean they|weren't naked? I didn't keep them naked|the whole time, Sally.
That was just|with you three.
Bottle of white wine.
Sorry.
These chairs are|a bit uncomfortable.
It's our fault.
Oh! Should've worn underwear.
Red or white? Which, um|floor are you going to? I'm not bothered.
Sorry? Uh I'm just, you know, Enjoying the lift.
Floor four? Yeah, nice.
Doors take ages|to close.
Yeah did you press a button? No, they just do that.
Um a a floor button|should close the door.
Oh, yes, of course.
|Ha ha! Sorry.
I was just, um noticing your eyes.
My eyes? Yeah, just noticing them.
You've got the eyes|of ten women.
What? Not in a jar!|I wasn't accusing you! No, no.
I I just mean your eyes|are really nice.
Oh thank you.
Thank you very much.
And that's a nice top.
Really nice.
Oh, do you think so? You look great in it,|absolutely great.
Oh, thank you.
You look fantastic.
You should see me naked! Um just, uh just wondering do you ever go out? Yeah yeah.
I I go out.
I go out, too.
Sometimes.
|Great.
Now and then.
Out I go.
I'm, uh I'm I'm rubbish at asking|people out, though.
Oh, so am I.
I'm rubbish at all that.
Are you? I say the stupidest things.
|I put people off.
I say stupid things.
|I put people off.
I'm 28 and no one|can get near me For all the rubbish|I'm talking! That's what I'm like.
|That's exactly me! I'm an impregnable fortress.
I'm full of sperm! Okay.
You're ahead on|staying stupid things now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I I didn't mean no, that's okay.
I meant what I said before.
I I'm rubbish|at asking people out.
Well I'm rubbish at being asked out.
Are you? Absolutely terrible.
Well, that's|a coincidence.
It certainly is.
That's something we've|really got in common.
Yes, that's spooky.
I mean, thank God,|I'm not asking you out! Exactly!|Thank God for that! Yeah, thank God.
Good ol' God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
See ya later.
Yeah.
See ya.
Ah morning, Jeff.
Morning, Jeff.
Morning, Jeff.
Okay for my boys.
Hi.
Do you want to go out|and get a drink sometime? We could, uh we could talk rubbish|at each other And save two other people.
Steve.
What are you doin' here? Oh, you know,|just popped 'round.
You never pop 'round! I just thought|I'd drop in on Susan.
You know, surprise her.
W- What are you doing here? I didn't think you were|allowed up on the posh floor.
Finally got 'round|to asking Julia out.
It went really well.
She's not there.
Apart from that.
So this is her office then, eh? Nice hey!|You can't come in here! Why not? It's her office.
|What if she finds us? What will she do? Shout, "guards! Guards!" You're not supposed to be|in somebody else's office.
Okay, well I'll be with you in two minutes.
I'm just nipping|to my office.
Ah! This is someone|who likes you! N.
A.
T.
, remember? And tell that little worm, Graham, If he doesn't|buck his ideas up, I will personally|sell him to a glue factory! what are you doing? I'm 30 and I still end|up in the girl's toilet! What's the matter with me? I don't know! Nobody knows that! Stephen Hawking|doesn't know that! Hello? Is there someone in there? Hello? Oh! Uh, hello, Julia.
Jeff, is that you? Yeah, it's me.
|How are you? I'm fine.
Listen, I'm going to be|quite a bit longer in here, So I'll maybe|catch you later, okay? What are you doing|using my toilet? Well, I was|I was just passing.
Passing?|Yeah.
And I thought, oh,|there's Julia's office.
I'll just pop in and|have a chat with Julia.
But you weren't here, so i|thought, next best thing you thought|you'd use my toilet? Well, you weren't here.
Most people just leave a note.
Jeff? Are you coming out? No! She can't see me! In a minute! I would like to use|the facilities myself, If that's okay with you? Okay.
I'll get her|out the room.
I'll distract her.
I'll|think of something.
Trust me.
Okay.
Just stay here,|stay quiet, And wait for my signal.
Thanks.
Hello.
I'm a friend|of Jeff's.
Yes.
That would seem|to be the case.
Now, before I call security Yes.
Before you do, There's something|you ought to know, And it's really important.
Oh, Jeffrey I'm really sorry|about everything.
Just everything.
|Sorry.
Everything I'm sorry.
Really, totally,|completely sorry.
You're not saying anything.
I know try it.
Happy 30th birthday.
Your date of birth's|in the computer.
Why didn't you tell anyone? well, you know, Birthdays.
Hmm.
How are you|enjoying this one? Julia yes, Jeff would you like to|go out with me sometime? No.
Oh, right.
Okay.
|I just thought I'd much rather|stay in with you.
Oh okay.
Okay.
If you think I'm nervous|when I'm just talking, You should see me|when I'm stayin' in.
Don't worry.
I'm rubbish|at the talking bit, too, But I'm really good|at the staying in part.
So long as you|don't mind getting A little deviant|every now and then.
Oh okay! What are you doing? Well, it's your birthday it's time for|your birthday treat.
Here? Well, why not? Everyone's gone home.
Ah right.
Trust me.
Do you trust me? No.
I'm going to leave you|for a moment or two.
I don't want you to move,|okay? All right.
nervous? I'm not! I'm really not.
Good.
|Well, you wait here, And get ready|for serious fun.
Okay, boys! This is it! You're going in.
|You're now going in! Sex! I'm going to have sex I'm going to have sex Oh Oh Da-dum dah Da-Da dum dum Da-Da dum Da-Da dum da Da da, da da Stop him.
Da dum Da-Da dum da Whoa! Yowza! Da-Da dum Da-Da dum Da-Dum dah Da-Da dum da Da-Da duh Da-Da da-Da Da dum da Da-Da da-Da Da-Da da dum Da-Da dum Da-Dum da Da-Da dum da Da-Da duh Da-Da dum da Whoo! Da-Da da-Da Da-Da dum da Da-Da dum Da oh! Da-Da da-Da Da-Da dum Whoo! Oh, Jeffrey! Mother? Ah! I, uh, think everyone|had better go.
That was great!|Don't you think? As a senior executive|in this firm, Let me assure you|that performing a striptease In the main conference room In front of a large percentage|of the senior management Is completely and utterly And in all possible ways,|unacceptable.
Yes.
I I understand.
Which is why, Jeff, Which is why I had to send|them home first.