Family Ties (1982) s02e08 Episode Script

I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed and I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la hi, Jennifer.
You're home late.
Everything all right? The coach wasn't happy with the way we were playing.
He made us all run extra laps.
Well, that seems a little excessive, doesn't it? Did you have a chance to talk to him about it? We're not allowed to speak during practice.
Now, that's ridiculous.
This has gone too far now.
Something ought to be done about him.
All right, Keaton.
I told you to jog all the way home.
You walked the last half-block.
Drop and give me 20! When you walk in this house, you're not the coach anymore! You're what you've always been An annoying human being! You know, I don't know why I put up with this.
Alex, if being a coach is so painful for you, why don't you just resign? When Alex p.
Keaton starts something, he finishes it.
I am turning these raw rookies into baseball machines.
Alex, they're just young girls.
Dad, they they come in as young girls They leave as men.
Count me out, Alex.
Wasn't skippy with you? Yeah, he was right behind me.
Sorry I lagged behind, guys.
This bag weighs a ton.
You all right, skippy? Yeah, I'll be fine, Mrs.
Keaton.
I guess I didn't realize how strenuous it is being team equipment manager.
Mom, do you remember where I put that Sweater That's probably in my room anyways? Mallory.
I'd get up, but I seem to have lost all sense in the lower part of my body.
Great, now it's a perfect match for the upper part.
Alex, why don't you get skippy something cold to drink? No, no.
Don't go to any trouble.
Maybe if Mallory sat next to me and soothed my weary brow.
I'll get you a glass of water, skippy.
I'll help you carry it.
I'll get it.
Oh, hi, Arlene! Come on in.
Whoa.
Sorry.
Well, that's okay.
Elyse: Hi, Arlene.
Skippy, mom says if you're not home in five minutes, she's feeding your dinner to the Guinea pigs.
That mom, what a card.
Hi, Jennifer.
Hi.
What ya doing, Jennifer? Washing your baseball mitten? It's called a "mitt," Arlene.
I was wondering if you wanted to come over and help make dresses for my turtles.
Can't.
How come? Softball practice.
Again? You're always practicing.
Aren't you good yet? You gonna be able to make it home okay, skip? No, I don't think it's safe for me to be moved right now.
Skippy, we gotta go.
Mom's in one of her moods.
Well, why didn't you say so before, Arlene? Uh, goodbye, Mallory.
Parting is such Sweet sorrow.
She's probably too choked up to speak.
Arlene: Bye, Jennifer.
Bye, Arlene.
Take care of yourselves.
Skippy: Bye, Mr.
Keaton.
Whoa! Jennifer, you were so rude to Arlene.
And you were rude to skippy.
Arlene's used to it, mom.
Skippy enjoys it.
You're never nice to Arlene.
She's such a sweet little girl.
She only wants to be your friend.
It wouldn't have hurt you to go to her house tonight.
It might've been fun.
We have nothing in common.
She doesn't know anything about sports.
She thinks a slam dunk's something you do with a doughnut.
Face it, Jennifer, it's the curse of the handelmans.
The only escape is running or hiding.
Course, these things should be done in as nice a manner as possible.
I got it! I got it! I got it! Hello! Yes, he's here.
It's for you, Alex.
Next time, answer your own phone calls, okay? Hello? What?! Hey, you're scheduled to pitch.
The team needs you, Tammy.
Is it a question of more money? Yeah, yeah, okay.
All right, goodbye.
Alex, what's wrong? My best southpaw is moving.
She's not gonna be here for the playoffs.
That's the fourth kid I've lost this week.
Alex, the girls think you're working them too hard.
Too hard? Hey, I cut back on their steroids, didn't I? I'm not complaining.
It's just that some of the kids joined the team to have fun.
Fun.
What does fun have to do with it? Alex, it's only a game.
Only a game.
"Baseball is only a game.
" You know, that's exactly how the Russians want us to think.
Alex, why don't you just get yourself another southpaw? Well, what's a southpaw? A southpaw is a left-hander.
So why don't they just call them left-handers? Well, that way the Russians would know what we meant.
Hello.
Oh, hi, susie.
How you doing? The flu.
Nancy and Becky, too? Hey, I instructed you not to have that pajama party last week.
So you're not gonna play? None of you.
Yeah, all right.
Okay.
Feel better.
They're not going to play? That leaves us one player short.
How could they do this to us?! Well, I'm sure they didn't get sick to inconvenience you.
You know, I'm not so sure.
They have had an attitude problem from the word go.
If we don't have 10 players, we'll have to forfeit.
Well, Jennifer, winning isn't everything.
Both: It's the only thing.
We'll we'll talk more about this later, huh? I've got to get to work.
Mm, could I get a lift, dad? I'm wearing these new shoes.
They're not good for walking.
Yeah, I always look for that in a shoe myself.
Aah! Jennifer, want to walk to school together? I guess so.
I have to go there, anyway.
Arlene, you don't have a sweater or a jacket.
It's cold outside.
Well, I had a sweater, but the obecks' dog took it from me.
I guess I was too scared to ask for it back.
Come on, I'll get you something of Jennifer's to wear.
Jennifer? Don't say no until I finish this thought.
No! Jennifer, we've worked too hard this season to come up short.
If Arlene plays, we'll have enough players and we won't have to forfeit the game.
She hates sports.
She's not going to play.
Yeah, well, she may hate sports, but, uh, she likes you, Jennifer.
You can talk her into it.
But, Alex Jennifer, it's for the good of the team.
Ready, Jennifer? Of course she's ready.
Aren't you, Jennifer? You know, Arlene, you and I don't spend enough time together.
Say, did you ever play any baseball? You make a lot of friends in the dugout.
How's that batter coming, Alex? It's almost ready, dad.
Is the griddle hot yet? All set.
Okeydokey.
I tried something different this time.
I think you might enjoy it.
A little too heavy on the buckwheat? Well, don't throw it out.
There's a loose brick in the fireplace.
Why are we doing this, anyway, dad? Cooking is women's work.
Alex, some of the best chefs in the world are men.
Like who? Chef boyardee.
Uncle Ben! General mills.
Where are they when you need 'em? You clean up.
I'll go tell your mother we're going out for breakfast.
Jennifer, my knee really hurts.
You just skinned it.
It'll be okay.
How was practice, girls? I think I'm getting better.
Don't you, Jennifer? Not really.
Well, I'm trying, Jennifer, but I'm just not a jock.
Alex, maybe you could help Arlene with her batting stance.
Sure.
What's the matter? I keep tipping over.
I'll meet you out there.
Uh, I gotta clean up this mess that dad made.
All right, Arlene, I'll help you with your stance myself.
Can't we take a break first? I'm really sleepy.
There will be time enough for breaks after the big game.
Wow, baseball's tough.
Now, don't forget to choke up on that bat, bend those knees, keep those feet apart! And get the cap off your eyes.
Okay, get ready.
Here it comes.
Why didn't you swing? That pitch was perfect! I'm afraid! You're throwing too hard! Don't be a sissy! Jennifer, I can't do this! Yes, you can.
You've got to! But No buts! In a real game, the pitcher's gonna throw a lot harder, like this! Mom! Mom! Mrs.
Schofield, please, be reasonable.
Look, this is the championship game, and we're gonna forfeit without Charlotte.
We can give her her medication between innings.
That's the beauty of it.
Look, I'm not saying that that 101 is normal, but it's 2 degrees lower than anyone else on the team.
What's the big deal? She usually runs a little hot anyway.
Hello? Hello? Hey, there.
How's it going, Alex? Ah, hi, skip.
How's Arlene? Oh, she came home this morning.
The doctor only kept her in the hospital overnight as a precaution.
She's got a black eye, and one of her cheeks looks like she's storing nuts for the winter, but she's fine.
She's fine.
Oh, hey, skippy.
How's Arlene? It was a long night, Mallory And not a pretty one.
None of us slept much.
I can still hear the echo of my footsteps in the long, empty hallway, as I returned with yet another cup of black coffee to get me through the vigil.
Must have been very rough on you, skippy.
Call me "irwin.
" Irwin.
You know, she's not out of the woods yet.
If only I could go back to the hospital and tell Arlene that you agreed to be mine.
It's been a dream of hers forlong.
Oh, hi, skippy.
Elyse just told me that Arlene's home and everything's okay.
Glad to hear it.
You disgust me.
That old handelman magic's starting to work.
Skip I'm surprised you didn't think of this earlier.
Having your sister maimed to boost your social life.
Me too.
Hey, Mallory.
How's Jennifer? I don't know.
I hope she's all right.
Poor kid.
She was so upset last night, she wouldn't even come down to dinner.
She must feel terrible.
Good morning.
Good morning, honey.
What a great day, huh? You're in a much better mood than I expected.
Look, honey, you don't need to hide your feelings.
We all feel terrible about what happened.
It was an accident.
Accidents happen.
Kids get hurt playing softball all the time.
Um, Jennifer, Mrs.
handelman said, uh, Arlene might like some visitors today.
Oh, that's real nice.
Say hi for me.
Jennifer, what is wrong with you? Nothing's wrong with me.
It wasn't me who walked into a baseball.
Jennifer, can I talk to you a minute? Can't it wait until later? I really want to see the end of this.
Jennifer, you're watching midget kickboxing.
Yeah, but it's the finals.
I think we should talk about what happened yesterday.
You know, this whole thing wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have asked her to join the team.
Well, Jennifer, putting Arlene on the team was a very nice thing to do.
You don't understand.
When we were out in the back practicing, she told me all the pitches I was throwing were too hard, but I kept on throwing them hard Even though I knew she couldn't handle it.
I see.
I didn't want to lose the big game because of her, so I had to try to turn her into Johnny bench in two days.
That's why she got hurt.
Well, honey, you're only 11 years old.
I mean, you're not in the major leagues.
Now, Arlene may not be exactly Johnny bench, but then you're not exactly, uh Who? Dave concepcion.
Dave concepcion.
Who's Dave concepcion? She never really wanted to play softball, mom.
She only did it 'cause she wanted to be my friend.
Do you think maybe you'd feel better if you, uh if you apologized to Arlene? I can't do that, dad.
She really likes me.
How could I look her in the eye and tell her what a rotten thing I did? Look, Arlene.
Mallory's on her way over.
Couldn't you just try to look a little less healthy? Sorry.
Next time I'll try to be more severely injured.
You feel like another story? Not right now.
Oh, come on.
Just one.
Mom says I'm supposed to be resting.
It'll take your mind off your troubles.
Okay.
"Brad dooley woke up" Uh, come in! Well, Arlene, how are you? Hi, Arlene.
How are you feeling? I'm fine, Mrs.
Keaton.
The doctor says I can get up today if I want.
It's just that when I try to, I get a little nauseous.
You know, I'm afraid I'll upchuck.
You stay right where you are, sweetie.
Don't you move a muscle.
Here, Arlene.
This is for you from all of us.
Thank you.
So, how's it look for today's game, coach? Uh, not so good, Arlene.
Everybody's got the flu.
Kind of hoping for a miracle.
Uh, don't you worry, though.
You just relax.
We'll get 'em next year.
Is Jennifer gonna come over? Well, Jen Jennifer I mean, I'm sure she Dopey me, I completely forgot! Arlene's not supposed to have more than three visitors at a time.
That's the doctor's orders.
One, two, three, four, five.
Oops.
We can't have that, now, can we? What do you say you and I find something else to do while your parents and Alex console my poor, injured sister? You want to see my fossil collection? Not now, skippy.
I'd like to let them age another few thousand years.
It's a date.
Can I come in? Sure, Jennifer.
Uh, you know I think skippy's right.
Arlene shouldn't have too many visitors at once.
Right.
Why don't we clear out and let Jennifer and Arlene talk, okay? We'll see you tomorrow, honey.
All right.
Now, you take care of yourself.
You know, Mallory, no girl has ever seen those fossils.
You'd be the first! Thanks for coming over, Jennifer.
You're welcome, Arlene.
Cute.
Your parents brought it.
Jennifer, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday.
You're sorry? Yeah.
You were trying to teach me how to bat, and I let the ball hit me in the face.
That was my fault, Arlene.
If I wasn't such a klutz, it never would've happened.
You're not a klutz.
Well, maybe just a little bit of a klutz.
My mother says I trip over the lines in our kitchen linoleum.
But I kept thinking maybe if I could play sports, I might be a better friend to you.
I wasn't such a very good friend to you, Arlene.
I only put you on the team because they wouldn't let us play with only nine girls.
I know.
You knew? I may be a klutz, but I'm not stupid.
I'm really sorry you got hurt.
That's okay.
This has been the most fun I've ever had.
Including the hospital.
It was exciting.
Didn't even cry once.
You're a lot tougher than I thought.
Thank you.
Does that mean you like me? Yeah, I do.
Maybe you could play on the team next year.
No, I don't think so.
I'm just no good at sports.
That's okay.
We can still be friends.
You mean it? Give me five.
Maybe we could get together later in the week? Sounds good.
We can make those dresses for your turtles.
Kathy can't play.
That's it.
It's official.
It's all over, skip.
We lose.
Come on, skip.
Life's a funny thing.
Alex, the girls from the team are here.
Oh, great, great.
Now I got eight more little hearts to break.
Couldn't find another player, huh? You know, it's not fair, dad.
We have worked all season, and for what? The championship game is in half an hour, and we're gonna have to forfeit.
Has that been the only purpose in playing this whole season, to get to the championship? Is that all that counts? Yeah.
Yeah.
What about the fresh air? The exercise? The thrill of competition? What about the fun? Alex, the team is waiting.
Oh.
I don't know how to break it to 'em.
Well, just give it to 'em straight, Alex.
Yeah.
That's probably the best way.
Mallory, bring in the girls! Come on, let's go! Come on! Girls: Go! Go, leopards, go! Go, leopards, go! Go, leopards, go! Go, leopards, go! Okay.
All right.
Have a have a seat.
Men I have something important to tell you.
Arlene handelman hurt herself yesterday.
She hurts herself every day.
Yeah, well, the important thing is that she's all right.
But she, uh, she doesn't feel up to playing, so we're not gonna have enough players.
We're gonna have to forfeit.
Girls: Oh, no! Girl: Forfeit? I knew we never should've let that nerdy Arlene on the team.
Yeah! Wait a minute! She's not a nerd! She's got a lot more guts and courage than Than Dave concepcion! Than any of us! And she happens to be a good friend of mine, so you better not knock her ever again.
Okay, come on, girls.
Hold those heads up high.
W-we've had a great year.
We've, uh we've been in the fresh air.
We've, uh, we've exercised.
We've enjoyed the The thrill of competition.
This year may be over, but But there's always next year.
Right? Hey, what are you all sitting around for? We've got a championship game to play! What? Arlene, you don't have to do this for me.
When I said we were friends, I meant it.
You don't owe me anything.
I'm not doing it just for you, Jennifer.
The team needs me, and I need the team.
That's my sister! Whoa! Whoa, girls.
Okay, let's go out there, let's play hard, play our best.
But the most important thing is, let's have fun! Come on, Jennifer.
Let's go out and hit some touchdowns!