Friends from College (2017) s02e08 Episode Script

1 Welcome to How to Throw a Punch Like a Real Man.
Step one: absorb the energy from the earth.
You throw the jab.
We're throwing the punch with the right hand.
This is great for jabs.
Oh, shit.
["EYE OF THE TIGER" BY SURVIVOR PLAYS.]
Oh, yeah! Ouch! Stop! [SIGHS.]
Shit.
Yeah! Yeah! Woo! I don't know, man.
I'd just let it go.
I mean you two didn't even date for that long.
Honestly, she seemed pretty nuts.
I'd just walk away.
You know what? - You're right.
- I am.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
- I just needed to hear that.
- Yeah.
I am fully letting it go.
- Cheers to that.
- Cheers.
Hey, man.
What's this? I don't know.
[EYE OF THE TIGER BY SURVIVOR PLAYS.]
Oh.
Oh Hi, hey.
[SAM CHUCKLES.]
- If you would.
- Thanks.
This is - Nice.
- Thanks.
[JON CLEARS THROAT.]
Thank you for coming.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Of course.
- How was your fourth of July? Yeah, it was fine.
The kids said they had a great time in Connecticut.
Oh, yeah, they seemed to.
We, uh, we went to the parade.
They got ice cream.
You and I should get back together for the sake of the family.
Excuse me? Look.
Sam.
I've been through this before.
I don't want to go through it again.
I want to keep our family intact.
But, I You're the one who asked for the divorce.
People say all kinds of crazy things, when they are in excruciating pain.
But, I [SIGHS.]
I mean, you seem really angry.
No? You left that crazy voicemail.
Oh, no.
I I thought I thought you might bring that up and I have the solution.
Here.
Wait, uh Wait.
You wait.
[PLAYING FROM DEVICE.]
Hi, there.
It's me again, Jon Sperling.
We spoke last month, when I wasn't at my best.
My wife Samantha Delmonico - No, no, no.
That is not the solution.
- You sure you don't want to hear the rest? - Because I say some really great stuff.
- No more recordings.
- No more messages.
- Okay.
Alright, alright.
Uh, okay [CHUCKLES.]
Jon, where is this coming from? I thought you were dating Dashiell's teacher.
Ms.
Chelsea and I are all done.
She got back together with Coach Keith.
Alright.
But I I mean, you made it very clear that you can never forgive me.
Well, it's going to take me some time, but I will get there.
- Jon, come on.
- Now, seriously, Sam, I know that you and Ethan, you know, you have a thing, and you think you're in love, but I don't even know how to think.
I don't think.
I just know.
We just fit.
We're like a partnership.
Just [WHISPERS.]
Right? I mean, I am committed to being a good mother no matter what happens.
But an unhappy family is the worst thing for them.
- What if we have another kid? - What? How is that gonna fix anything? Well it could just something to do.
Look, Sam, I let my first family be torn apart.
I will do anything to keep that from happening to this one.
Anything.
- [ETHAN.]
Yo, yo! - Hello.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I'm sorry I didn't get you the pages.
I want to get them just right for you.
I'm just kind of finessing the last 50 or so.
- And my printer is on the fritz anyway.
- I mean you can email them.
- [SCOFFS.]
Tell that to my router.
- Whatever, man.
Whatever.
Your pages are my pages.
My pages are your pages.
- Who cares? Let's get it done.
- Good, yeah.
Let's get notes.
[MAN.]
I don't feel the depth and longing that I'm craving from Prince Trotter.
Totally, totally.
I get it.
You got to go deeper on Trotter, that's that's great, that's great.
And why did he throw everything away to chase the Golden Trumpet? You know what I just realized? I don't care about the Golden Trumpet.
I can't chase it anymore.
But how else would he win the hand of Lady Canter? I mean I don't care about centaurs or this book, or this series, or this whole genre.
But you do.
What are you doing? This is yours.
[CHUCKLES.]
You should write this book without me.
I don't think that's a good idea.
That's where a ying and the yang thing we have going on.
We're a team.
You're yang.
Listen, I don't love the material.
- I never have.
- Well.
It doesn't speak to me the way it speaks to you.
You love it.
You should write it.
We're at the point in our lives, where we should only be doing what we love, Max.
I mean, Ethan.
You do realize you're under contract still.
You're on a contract.
You're on a contract.
That's too bad.
Whoops.
Guess we'll have to bang this out together.
Take my name off it.
Max doesn't even have a writing sample.
I mean, no offense, but I'm a little weary of trusting a first-time writer with an emerging franchise.
No offense taken.
Eminently reasonable of you.
I mean, I would love to write it, you know.
If I were wearing my author hat, I'd be like "Oh, my God, what an opportunity!" But then I put my agent hat on, and I say "Wait, slow down there.
Slow down guys.
Let's think about what this means to everyone's career.
" You know? Author, "But I want to write it.
This is such a big opportunity for me.
Look at this.
" Agent.
"Hold on.
This is your first book, you don't want to get in the weeds too deep and ruin your career before it even starts.
" Author, "Oh, my gosh.
Thanks so much for looking out for me.
Would you tell Ethan, while I appreciate the offer.
It's probably going to be a bad deal for me.
" "Okay, I will.
Don't do that.
" We should write it together as per the contract and our plan.
But you do have a sample.
Those pages.
I'm confused.
The words and the ideas are all Max's.
These are his ideas.
Those are his words.
Okay.
Did you write the pages, Max? [MAX SNORTS.]
[MAN GIGGLES.]
- Wow.
- Absolutely.
I mean you can look at other writers.
But the person for the job is right in front of you.
It's not how this is done.
It's not how this is done.
You don't just switch agent hat.
Agent hat.
Agent hat! You don't switch in the middle.
You don't Right? I mean, is that what you want? Do you want to write this? Hot diggity.
[PHOTOGRAPHER.]
Keep fixing each other's ties.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Hey little guy, fix the big guy's tie.
That'd be great.
It's Max.
Max and Felix.
- We had like three meetings.
- I'm not here.
I know you're not here, but you are talking so much.
- And I just Okay.
- Just do it.
Guess what? I was able to upgrade us to business class.
Keep adjusting the ties.
Can we stop obsessing over the honeymoon? It's just not where my head is right now.
- OK.
- And honestly, I think we might have to cut it short.
By like two thirds.
- Just lop off the last ten days.
- What are you talking about? I'm I'm so stressed.
I have this deadline, you know, hanging over my head.
Oh! I see.
Writer problems.
And hold hands.
I'm not here.
I'm sorry to be talking about this now.
Thank you for being so supportive.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS RAPIDLY.]
- For being so supportive during all this.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS RAPIDLY.]
You've been such a - You've been - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
- Got it? - I'm not here.
- You're so here.
- [FELIX CHUCKLES.]
- You've been such a huge help.
- More than you know.
How about back to back? Would you do that? That'd be adorable.
- Sure.
- Keep going.
Yeah.
What do you mean? What do you mean more than I know? Oh.
Well, it may not have been Ethan's idea to write the book with you.
There may have been a lunch.
There may have been powers of persuasion unleashed on your behalf.
Wait.
You took Ethan to lunch and told him to write the book with me? I might have.
Can you just give us a second, please? Wait, you're not actually upset.
Are you? [SHOUTS.]
Yes, I'm actually upset! Okay, I'm sorry I went behind your back.
But it all worked out.
You got what you deserve.
- You're a writer now.
- Because you meddled! You made it happen.
You pulled the strings! Why are you so upset? - Are you having trouble writing? - No! I'm a natural born writer.
You know that.
The work, that's the easy part! The words are - You know? - The words are? You know what? They're easy to come out.
Hi.
We are ready for group pictures on the plaza.
I'm sorry, but would you have worn that to a straight wedding? Yes.
Let's shoot and walk.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
[LOUD CLATTER.]
Okay, friends from college, closer together.
Let's make this one last, alright? You sure you want to be right dead center for this one? Yeah.
Feels right.
Okay, we're gonna do a fun jump on the count of three.
- Really? - One.
Two.
Three! [NICK YELPS.]
- Oh, my God.
- Jesus.
Shit.
Ow! That's what you get.
Charley? - You don't know it's me.
- What are you doing? - Why did you hit me? - You know exactly why, smart guy.
It wasn't Nick, okay? What? What are you talking about? - Wasn't me? - It - Jesus.
- Oh, my God.
- Whoa, whoa! - Charlie, stop it.
[CHARLEY YELPS.]
Ah! It's okay.
It's okay.
Is there a doctor? - I got this, I got this, guys! - Oh, God.
Oh, God! Yeah, it's okay.
You gotta pop it back.
- Put it in! - Okay.
[CHARLEY YELPS.]
Oh, oh! - How does it feel? - Oh, it's good.
You okay, Charley? - What are you doing? - Stop.
- [LISA.]
Stop it! - Ow! - [CHARLEY.]
Give it up.
- [LISA.]
What are you doing? What the fuck? What is happening? - [CHARLEY.]
Watch your feet.
- Wow.
[CHARLEY.]
Watch your feet.
- He does have pretty sweet moves.
- Solid jigs.
- Yeah, right? - Yeah.
I'm coming for you.
- Is he coming this way? - He's coming back.
[MARIANNE.]
Oh, my God.
- Here I come.
You! - [NICK.]
No! - Hey, get him.
Do your job! - [NICK.]
No, no, no.
- Move! - Charley! Charley, stop it! - [ETHAN.]
Get on your horse! - [LISA.]
Stop it! - [CHARLEY.]
Come here! - Stop this, right now, Charley! - Come back here, Charley! - Get him! You did this, Lisa.
You did this, Lisa.
I didn't do anything! - I'm gonna punch your nuts.
- [ETHAN.]
He's gonna catch us.
Come here.
- Go! - Go! You get back here this instant! [CHARLEY.]
Let's go! [CHARLEY YELPS.]
[ALL GASP.]
Oh, shit! Loving you Is easy 'cuz you're beautiful Making love with you Is all I wanna do Loving you Is more than just a dream come true And everything that I do Is out of loving you La la la la la La la la la la La la la la la la la la la Do do do do do Ah ["I'M EVERY WOMAN" BY CHAKA KHAN PLAYING.]
Congratulations.
Well, we'll see.
I got a good feeling.
Thank you.
- Hey! - Hey! What was that all about? Lisa's pregnant.
Really? Whose is it? Ethan's.
Are you serious? No wonder that guy went crazy and punched everybody.
All right.
That [SIGHS.]
No! I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
- You can't tell your friends.
- I won't say anything.
You certainly can't tell Ethan.
- He doesn't know.
- I don't know.
You know? She said she wasn't ready to tell him yet, and you can't give it away.
Or you'd be breaking patient confidentiality.
I won't say anything.
I won't do that.
Why would I do something like that? Ah, because he's your best friend? Bullshit.
You're my best friend.
With fire inside of you Anytime you feel danger or fear Okay, what was that? No clue.
I am so sorry that happened.
No clue? I got punched.
Ethan got punched.
- What's going on? - I don't know why he's so mad.
He's just you know, a mad guy.
Lisa, he decked me in the face, okay? Half of my face is like tingling.
What is going on? I'm pregnant.
What? It's Ethan's.
[LISA SIGHS.]
It was a mistake.
[NICK SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
Look, I am I am so sorry.
I mean I suck.
No, that's not You don't You don't get to say that.
I get to say that, okay? You suck.
I gave up everything for you.
- What are you talking about? - [SHOUTS.]
Oh, don't play dumb.
I walked away from like a really good thing.
Yeah, but I mean I didn't, I didn't ask you to do that.
Merrill Morgan and I, we are like a great fit.
And I fucking gave that up for you, and she had a great kid.
Again, that was that was your call.
That kid just lost a mentor, Lisa.
He thought I walked on water.
Okay? He worshiped me.
And you just blew that all up.
I didn't make you any promises, - Nick.
I didn't - Not with your words.
- Then with what? - With your vibes.
With your vibes that you just spewed all over me.
Are you really trying to blame me for your mistake? I didn't think of this this on my own.
I'm not that crazy.
You said a whole lot of bunch of things.
Okay, okay.
Yes.
Look, you're not crazy, okay? When all that stuff was happening between us, I, I didn't know.
I just found out literally.
I just found out last weekend.
That's supposed to make me feel better? It's always the timing.
Yeah.
It's probably the timing.
It should've been me.
Nick? So, you slept with Lisa? One time, before you and I got together, but I think it's important that you know.
Well, I mean, you waited until you got punched in the face to tell me.
So, you don't get credit for honesty.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Fair enough.
Okay.
- Are you upset? - No, I'm not upset I mean, I'm not really psyched about it, but No.
I mean you guys are still so connected and you were married for a long time.
Jon and I were, too.
Oh, yeah, well why do you mention that? Jon wants to get back together.
Oh.
What? You told him that's not happening, right? Yeah, I mean.
That's not exactly what I told him.
What did, what did you say? Well, I mean, I didn't give him any answer.
Well.
[SIGHS.]
Maybe this will help.
You turned your phone off.
[WHISPERS.]
Shit.
I planned our trip to Paris.
I just wanted to show you the itinerary.
- What? - The trip that we never took? I was gonna wait to tell you, but I want you to know right now.
I I want you to come with me.
What do you say? Ethan, that's crazy.
What would be crazy is to not try.
We gotta take this chance for ourselves.
Otherwise what is the point of all this? I know your life is complicated, but I I love you.
["HAVA NAGILA" PLAYS.]
I don't want to go another minute without you.
Come on! [MAX LAUGHS.]
I say oui! What? - Oui! - What? I say oui.
"Yes" in French.
Oui! Mais oui! Mais oui! [ALL CHEER.]
[ALL CHEER.]
[ALL CHEER.]
["BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S" BY DEEP BLUE SOMETHING PLAYS.]
You'll say We've got nothing in common No common ground to start from And we're falling apart You'll say The world has come between us Our lives have come between us Still I know you just don't care And I said, What about Breakfast at Tiffany's? She said, I think I remember the film And as I recall I think we both kinda liked it And I said Well, that's the one thing we've got [CELLPHONE BUZZES.]
Hello.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That's my car.
I will see you soon.
Alright.
- You got - What are you doing here? Dude, you can't That walk-up is the worst.
Wait.
Hold on.
Wait.
Calm down.
What's wrong? You did this to me.
I can't write it.
I can't.
I have not written one word.
- Not one word.
- What? - Not a one.
- You haven't written anything? I tried everything.
I quit my job.
I got three computers.
I got ten books on how to write a book.
I got a pipe.
Nothing works.
Nothing.
Oh, God, I hate it, man.
I hate it so much.
The blank page.
It's a black hole.
I'm like one of those Japanese salary men.
Pretend like that they have a job to go to.
But I don't go.
I just stay home all day, and I work out, I watch YouTube, and I do other things.
All right.
Fine.
If you have to know.
I whack off a lot, man.
I don't have to know.
I'd prefer not too.
Well, you're gonna have to deal with it, because you created this.
- You made this mess.
- Okay, I didn't I didn't whack off this much when I went to a workplace.
What is it about being home just makes me want to touch myself all the time? - Max.
- It's like I'm 12 years old.
- [SHOUTS.]
Settle down, Max! - I don't know what it is.
Being home? - I don't know! - Settle down.
- Being home alone is like lonely and sexy.
- Settle down.
Settle down, alright? These jitters are normal.
Listen, you're being paid to write.
This is the dream.
This is a nightmare.
This is my nightmare.
You gotta write this with me.
You gotta co-write it.
- I can't.
- You gotta do it.
You have to do it.
I'm sorry, Max.
I'm going to Paris in a few hours.
- I can't help you.
- That is so selfish.
What are you talking about? It's irresponsible.
It's irresponsible.
Do you know how much money you're leaving on the table right now? How long have you known me? You know money is not what makes me tick.
I'm going back to writing what I love.
Well, that is not a luxury that you can afford right now.
What are you talking about? - Never mind.
- No, what are you talking about? - What I'm talking about? - You're talking about something specific.
Nothing specific.
Generalities, mad generalities.
- Am I getting sued or something? - No.
Max.
What is it? [MAX SIGHS.]
Are you sure you don't want me to go to the appointment with you? Uh, yeah, I'm sure, um I want to go by myself, you know? Good news or bad news I get it.
Good luck, Lisa.
Thank you, Anastasia.
Is that the baby sweater that I bought? [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Hey.
- Jesus, Nick.
What are you doing? You told me about your appointment, and I wanted to go.
Uh, that's kind of you, but I don't think that I - She wants to go by herself.
- No one's talking to you, Marianne.
I am actually planning on going by myself.
Just hold on, okay? Because I also have a proposal.
- Okay.
- I've been doing a lot of thinking.
What if I help you raise his child? What if you took off your roller blades? [SHOUTS.]
Shut up, Marianne, okay? Just mind your own damn business.
Nick, it's ridiculous.
- Is it? - Well, um We could go someplace, where no one knows us.
Nick, this is insane.
- It's not.
- No.
Why is everybody here? Why is everybody always in my business? I didn't tell him, I didn't tell Ethan.
What are you doing here? Felix told me, and then he made me tell him.
- I didn't tell him.
It's not my fault.
- Max! Ethan made me do it.
I didn't wanna do it.
Don't tell Felix I did it.
I didn't really.
I didn't want to, but I did.
But don't tell Felix.
[LISA SIGHS.]
Are you really pregnant? Like one minute pregnant.
- You should've told me.
- I was going to.
We'll tell you what happens after the appointment, okay? - What appointment? - The appointment for all her lady parts.
Why is he going to the appointment? You don't have to answer that.
- You're not going on the appointment! - Well - What if we all go together? - Just don't tell Felix, okay? - Pretend we're there for another reason.
- We're not all doing this together.
[SHOUTS.]
So, leave me alone.
I'm going by myself! Okay? God! - Don't say anything to Felix.
- Max.
Jesus.
- [NICK.]
Come on, Lisa.
- He made me tell him.
- Hold on.
- Whoa.
- I'm losing my balance.
- Hold on.
Wait.
- I got it.
- Wait.
Are you steady? - Okay, you good? You're stable? - Yeah.
Son of a bitch.
Don't Wait.
It's their thing.
Fuck! Are you guys hungry? - Sort of.
- I can eat.
Cool.
Can you guys grab some food? - Lisa, wait.
- Stop following me.
No, Lisa.
50th and Madison.
Lisa? Just go away, okay? This doesn't involve you.
It really does.
- [BICYCLE BELL RINGS.]
- Oh, shit Li Wait ["HIGH AND DRY" BY RADIOHEAD PLAYS.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
This is your final boarding call for Flight 324 to Charles de Gaulle.
Two jumps in a week I bet you think that's pretty clever Don't you boy? Flying on your motorcycle Watching all the ground beneath you drop Kill yourself for recognition - Did you? - I checked you in.
Yes.
Hello? Somebody here? Um hi, guys.
Hi.
Hey.
What are you what are you doing here? I'm back.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, uh Uh great! You know, I would've surprised you.
I mean, this was a disaster.
What exactly happened here? No.
Nothing.
Well, it's great to have you back.
Oh, it's the best thing that you ever had The best thing you ever, ever had Okay, let's get this in the right position.
Okay, here we go.
Okay.
Where are you? Oh, here's the baby, and there's a heartbeat.
[HEART BEAT SOUNDS.]
Don't leave me dry Don't leave me high Don't leave me dry Don't leave me high Don't leave me high Don't leave me dry [THEME TUNE PLAYS.]