Full House s02e08 Episode Script

[TRICYCLE BELL RINGING.]
- Stop.
- Where you headed, toots? - Kitchen.
- Kitchen? Hop on.
That'll be 50 cents, please.
Okay, this crazy sock Goes with this wacky sock And this sock goes-- Well, at least we came out even, Michelle.
- My sock.
- Oh, there it is.
All right, where's my sock, Poopy Longstockings? Sock bye-bye.
"Sock bye-bye.
" Come here, you.
[SINGING "TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE".]
Oh, yeah.
Danny, if you guys get some matching outfits you could go on Dance Fever.
Life is so beautiful.
I met someone today at the market.
Julio Iglesias? Her name is Denise.
We met in the produce section.
She turned to me and said: "The broccoli looks fresh today.
" And I looked deep into her eyes and I said, "It's a great source of fiber.
" Next thing I knew, she was coming over here for dinner tonight.
Hold it a second.
You picked up a woman at the market? That wasn't on the shopping list.
Well, there's just one little snag.
Denise had dinner plans tonight with her two single friends so I told her, "I've got two single roommates.
Maybe--" Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I do not go on blind dates, capeesh? Look, I'm not gonna beg you.
Yes, I am.
Please do this for me.
Aah! Okay.
I'll do it if you stop hugging.
Thank you.
You guys are the best.
Hey, Danny, why didn't you beg me? - Joey-- - Okay, I'll do it.
Great.
Okay, I'm with Denise.
You guys are with Cheryl and Zoey.
Zoey? She's your date.
- Hey, why do I get Zoey? - Because Joey and Zoey.
You already make a cute couple.
All right, let's make these girls something nice, huh? Michelle do you happen to know how my sock got in the freezer, young lady? Joey.
Jess, she's trying to frame me.
Look at her shifty eyes.
And I thought while Uncle Jesse, Joey and I are having our dinner party you girls could stay with the Gibblers.
I hate going there.
All they do is watch the Home Shopping Network.
Dad, why don't you let me babysit? It's the perfect job for me.
D.
J.
, babysitting is a big responsibility.
But since I will be right downstairs, I suppose we can give it a try.
Steph, you mind your big sister.
- You can't put D.
J.
in charge of me.
- Why not? Because when you're around, she's a sweet little angel.
The minute you leave, it's [IMITATING WITCH.]
"I'll get you, my pretty.
" Isn't she precious? Dad, don't worry.
I'm ready for the responsibility I'm ready to be in charge, and I'm ready for 3 dollars an hour.
You want me to pay you to stay at home and spend an evening with your little sisters? Good point.
Three fifty.
- Two fifty.
- Deal.
Deal.
Why do I feel like I'm raising a used-car salesman? [IMITATING WITCH.]
I'll get you, my pretty.
And your little bear too.
Thanks for going on these blind dates tonight.
Everything is gonna work out great.
We're there for you.
And the important thing is that you have a good time.
Thanks.
I can't believe I really met a woman.
I was charming, I asked her out, and she said yes.
I was like a real guy, wasn't I? Well, as opposed to an inflatable guy, I'd say yes.
All right, open wide.
Very good.
It is a masterpiece.
Check it out.
Oh, yeah.
No wonder she digs me.
I'm happening.
You know, I've been thinking.
Maybe it's time to take my wedding ring off.
What do you think? Well, it's your decision.
Yeah, Jesse's right.
Pam gave this ring to me It's like a part of me.
I know my sister, and I know she'd want you to get on with your life.
Just because you start something new doesn't make your memories any less special.
Thanks, guys.
What would I do without you? Well, you'd be stuck with three dates tonight.
Which wouldn't be so bad.
Kimmy, this babysitting job is such a piece of cake.
I get paid $2.
50 an hour for watching TV and having Stephanie wait on me hand and foot.
Okay, here's your popcorn, your soda TV Guide, extra napkins and salt.
Thank you.
Will you get my slippers for me, please? Now the queen wants her slippers.
We have to keep Her Majesty happy.
Slippers.
Aren't you gonna put them on me? I'm not touching your cootie feet.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
JESSE: Let me see.
- The tie is fine? JESSE: Everything looks good, you look good.
Here we go.
Hi.
Come on in.
I'm Danny.
You must be Cheryl and Zoey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Where's Denise? She backed out, didn't she? I knew it.
Well, you guys have fun, I'll just catch a movie or something.
Denise is just trying to find a parking space.
Oh, great.
Park on the sidewalk! - I'm Jesse.
- I'm Cheryl.
- I'm Zoey.
- I'm a happy camper.
Zoey, what an unusual name.
Are you one of Frank Zappa's kids? [LAUGHING.]
I was named after my grandmother.
It was her dying wish that her name live on.
Ouch.
Well, this is going along swimmingly.
Why don't I jet into the kitchen and check on my cheese delights.
Shall I? Excuse me.
Joseph, you're on a roll.
- Denise.
- Danny, hi.
Oh, I brought you these.
Aww.
A broccoli bouquet.
You remembered our vegetable.
Come on in.
I'd like you to meet my best friend, Joey.
- Oh, and that's my brother-in-law-- - Jesse.
- Denise.
- I never thought I'd see you again.
Have you two met? Well, we were sort of involved a while back.
You're that Denise? - This is the Jesse? - The one you named your puppy after? Well, that's all ancient history now.
The important thing is that my brother-in-law and a dear old friend have stumbled upon each other and, frankly, don't they make a cute couple? [TIMER RINGS.]
Well, saved by the cheese delights.
Excuse me.
- You're on a roll, Jess.
- Shut up.
STEPHANIE: Come on, Michelle.
Follow me.
Who do we look like, Michelle? Daddy.
Now we're gonna smell like Daddy.
Freeze, nerdbombers.
What are you doing dressed in Dad's stuff? I tried to stop her.
Shame on you, Michelle.
I can't take my eye off you children for a minute.
Okay, now, take all Dad's stuff off now.
Okay, don't have a hissy fit.
Hey, that's Dad's watch.
And his wedding ring.
I'm in charge, and I say you're both in really big trouble.
Dad's wedding ring went down the drain.
Uh-oh.
Okay, Michelle's in bed.
Did you get Daddy's wedding ring out of the drain yet? No, but I got a plan.
If I stick this gum to the end of a tie I'll just stuff the tie down the drain and when the ring sticks to the gum, I'll pull it up and voilà.
You're gonna ruin Dad's tie.
The ring is more important than the tie.
You're so dumb.
I'm dumb? Who knocked the ring down the drain, Miss Rocket Scientist? Okay, wait.
I think I got it.
Oh, no.
It's stuck.
Well, I'd say the day's about shot.
- Good night.
- Freeze.
I have to take this sink apart, and you have to help me get Dad's toolbox.
If I help you, will you let me stay up late and do whatever I want? Sure, why not? I'll never be in charge again.
DENISE: Thank you.
[WHISTLING.]
Well, doesn't that look like a Hallmark card, huh? Jess, this looks great.
- You're the king of blackened swordfish.
- Thank you, Joseph.
I remember the first time we ate blackened swordfish.
That weekend in New Orleans.
You're that Denise too? Help me out here, will you? Yeah, she's that Denise too.
Oh, I got you.
Uh, does anybody here like impressions? Oh, I love impressions.
- Oh, he's great.
- Thanks, Jess.
This is kind of a weird one.
This Jimi Hendrix on guitar.
Here we go.
[MAKES GUITAR NOISES.]
Jimi Hendrix was a great artist who lived a tortured and tragic life.
Ouch.
Hi, I'm Stephanie Judith Tanner.
I live upstairs.
Then why aren't you upstairs living? Because I came down to teach you a new song I learned in school today.
[SINGING "IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT".]
Come on, everybody.
Okay-- Okay.
Now, this has to be the right pipe.
Now, when the ring falls out, catch it.
Are you ready? - I'm ready, D.
J.
- Okay.
[SCREAMING.]
Did you catch the ring? Did I catch the ring? Do I look like I caught the ring? - Do you know how to turn this off? - Another stupid question.
Well, get me something to catch the water in! Got it.
Here.
Great.
It's working.
But it's filling up fast.
Get me something bigger.
Got it.
This is worth more than $2.
50 an hour.
Here's a big bowl.
It's full of popcorn.
Stephanie, just throw it away.
- Now what? - Just get rid of the water.
I did it.
D.
J: You did nothing.
What are we gonna do? Let's get into our bathing suits.
Danny, your water pressure's a little low.
That should be my only problem.
I'll give you this.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'll be in the living room.
Jess, is there any woman in this city you haven't dated? Danny, Denise and I are over, done with.
She came because you two had a magical moment in the produce department.
- You really think so? - Yes, of course.
She brought you a bouquet of broccoli.
No woman's ever brought me broccoli.
Now, you get your fanny in there, and you turn on that vegetable charm.
Get them, champ.
Cheryl, can I give you a hand with those glasses? Denise is my best friend.
I'm sorry, I was way out of line for asking, excuse me.
Listen, Denise.
I know this must be kind of awkward with Jesse and all.
It is for me.
Danny, I am so sorry.
I'm not being fair to you.
I'm just gonna put Jesse out of my mind.
I came over here tonight because I thought you were sweet and charming.
- Now what do you think? - I still think you're sweet and charming.
That is so sweet and charming of you to say that I'm sweet and charming.
- Danny-- - Oh! What? I cut my lip on your earring.
Danny, I'm so sorry.
I just can't stop thinking about Jesse.
No, it's okay.
It's my fault.
I have very bad eye-to-lip coordination.
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go into the kitchen and clot.
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
- How'd it go? I cut my lip kissing Denise.
That girl's a wild animal.
I missed her lips and kissed her earring.
Jess, she's still hung up on you.
I'm sorry, Danny.
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, my date hates my guts.
I promise you, next time it's gonna go smooth sailing, okay? Can't sail without water.
Switch! D.
J.
, how long do we have to do this? My fingers look like little pink raisins.
[IN UNISON.]
Oh! Dad, everything is under control.
Everything's under control? Everything's underwater.
Yay! How'd you do that? I just turned the water valve off, girls.
Let's remember that for next time.
You kids have been watching too much Double Dare.
Don't look at me.
She's the babysitter.
Dad, I'm really sorry.
I accidentally dropped your wedding ring down the drain.
My wedding ring? All right.
Everybody out of the pool.
Excuse me.
I need a minute alone with my daughter.
Nice to meet you.
I think I'm gonna tuck myself right into bed and get a full night's sleep.
I'm the good daughter.
[MICHELLE CRYING.]
I'll take care of Michelle.
My guess is she's wet too.
Oh, let me help you, I love babies.
Jesse, could I talk to you for a minute? Sure.
Excuse us.
You know, maybe all this is happening so that we could have a second chance.
You know, Danny really likes you.
Jesse I can't believe you didn't feel anything when you saw me tonight.
Look, the timing's all off between us.
And if it doesn't work out with you and Danny, that's okay but I don't wanna be the reason.
I understand.
It just wasn't meant to be.
But I just have one question.
Oh, yeah, what's that? Why are you living in a room with so many little pink bunnies? Well, I started off with two, and then.
[IMITATING KERMIT THE FROG.]
Look, Animal, isn't Michelle cute? [IMITATING ANIMAL.]
Okey-dokey, Kermit.
- How adorable.
- Oh, did you hear that, Michelle? She thinks you're adorable.
I was talking about you.
Did you hear that, Michelle? She thinks I'm adorable.
Pretty.
Yes, she's very pretty.
I felt so bad about losing your ring.
I know I should've come to you in the first place, but I panicked.
I learned a good lesson in responsibility.
Well, okay.
Don't let it happen again.
Wait a minute.
"Don't let it happen again"? That's the worst dad speech I've ever heard.
I'm sorry, Deej.
Not that you don't deserve a good dad speech I've just had a horrible night.
Denise and I didn't hit it off.
I guess I'm just not the dating type.
That's not true.
You're tall, you're smart, and you're handsome.
Dad, you're a fox.
If some girl's too dumb to see that, then you don't want her anyway.
Thanks, Deej.
That's the best daughter speech I've ever heard.
- I found your ring.
- Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Well, good night, Dad.
By the way, about my babysitting money? Forget the tip.
Thank you.
This means a lot to me.
How did you find it? Oh, it was on the floor.
I just went in to clean up.
You see, I can't stand a messy bathroom.
Really? I love that in a woman.
Here we go.
Well, Danny, thanks for a nice evening.
You're very welcome.
- Nice meeting you.
Bye-bye.
- It was nice to meet you too.
Denise, I'm glad you and I finally got to say goodbye as friends.
Me too, Jesse.
Thanks.
I really enjoyed meeting you.
Same here.
You were a lot of fun.
You're a lot of fun too.
Remember, always presoak your fine washables.
In tepid water.
Have mercy.
Call me.
- Call me too.
- Okay.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Jesse don't call me.
And you guys were worried the blind dates wouldn't work out.
Hey, the night turned out great.
Bathroom's still a mess.
I'll handle it, boys.
I'm feeling so good, I might just clean the whole house.
[SINGING "TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE".]
Well, Jess, I gotta go catch that girl.
[CRIES MOCKINGLY.]