Funny or Die Presents... (2009) s02e08 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 8
Listen up, rookie, you're just the scrunchie of the month.
When that beautiful powerhouse wakes up in that locker room, it's gonna be me she's asking for.
Me! Don't worry, my friend, I will help you.
Why thank you, miss Loganthorpe.
Remind me to give you a raise.
Hello, and welcome to tonight's installment of Funny or Die Presents.
You know, there are so many reasons why I really want you to stay tuned to HBO here and watch what's coming your way tonight.
I mean, of course, there's the great comedy you've really come to count on from Funny or Die, and the unburdened creativity that we like to foster here at this company.
I'll tell you, there's some great new, young comedians alongside some real tried and true comedy talent.
And the stuff just looks better and better all the time.
I'll tell you what, this technology is advancing so fast, we'll all be making Gone with the Wind on our cell phones within a year.
But what I'm most proud of, and why I think this episode is really going to be great, is in the 14th minute, there's some real tits and ass.
And not just a flash, but a good long look.
Oh, I'm telling you, you'll want to pause the TV when it comes up.
There's a quick shot of some beav in the 21st minute, but that goes by way too fast.
Anyway, it's good stuff, and exactly why we all got HBO 30 years ago.
You know, I might have got that mixed up.
The beav could be at the 14th minute, and the great pair of tits could be at the 21st.
Or maybe it's the 25th minute, I don't know.
Either way, it's great television.
Enjoy.
Tonight, on Funny or Die Presents, Warren Sapp in Do You Want to See a Dead Body? Episode 3 of Lady Refs, aw, Body Boys, starring Tim and Eric, and the movie of the week, Boobie.
No, I'm still down at the mechanic.
Hey, let me call you back.
Excuse me? You're Warren Sapp, right? Rob? Yeah.
Rob, what's up, man? What's going on? Met you at Stacy and Steve's wedding, right? Stacy and Steve, right.
That's a shame about them.
Oh, I didn't hear.
They already broke up? No, that they're together.
They're a horrible couple.
That's a good point.
Yeah, they were weird, right? So, you getting your car worked on? Yeah, some idiot tore my rear end off.
That's the worst.
Absolutely.
How long you gonna be here? All day long.
Hey.
Do you want to see a dead body? You know they call me the QB killer, right, Rob? Yeah.
But I've never seen one laying there dead.
You've never seen a dead body? Oh, hell, no.
Where did you see this dead body.
Buddy, it's gonna be awesome.
This way.
Wait, wait, wait.
This way.
Hey, Rob, you ever seen that Family Guy episode when Stewie gets stuck in the basement? No, I didn't.
Stewie, football head.
I think it's up this way.
Nope, wrong turn.
Oh, Jesus, God.
Where'd that come from? Hi, little girl.
I'm lost.
Okay, good luck.
Yeah, take it easy.
Good luck.
What the fuck was that? Run like shit! Run like shit! Hey, Rob, you ever seen the Family Guy episode when the whole family goes on vacation and they all get lost? No, Warren, I haven't seen that one.
It's not much further.
Hey, Rob.
What? Let's take a break, man.
Shh, did you hear that? Hold.
I farted.
Good one, good one.
Hey, Rob did you ever see that Family Guy when the negroes come over and they all have dinner? No, Warren, I never saw that Family Guy.
I mean, let's just agree that if you have a question about Family Guy, whether or not I saw it, the answer's no, I didn't see it.
Dead body, huh? This is not the dead body I brought you to see.
Clearly, this is a pig.
You promised me a dead body, so now, dead body, or your ass.
I'll be honest with you.
I think we took a wrong turn.
I'm gone.
Dead body, my ass.
Hey, the fuck is this thing? 'Cause I'm down here in the basement and I can't find it.
Completely lost.
Hey! You don't belong here.
You've got to get out of here or I call the police.
Okay, well, you don't have to be a dick about every little I'm not a dick! Okay, I'm sorry.
Can I just tell you I brought a personal hero of mine, Warren Sapp, from the NFL, it was supposed to be a very special day, and I blew it.
I blew it.
So, I'm asking you, man to man, can you just help me? I want to get out of here.
Don't worry, my friend, I will help you.
Warren! Let's go find that dead body.
Yo! No way! I told you it was around here.
Why would you have me go through that whole basement? He's outside! It's a shortcut.
Come on! Is he dead? Maybe he's just sleeping.
No way, this guy's dead.
Let me see.
What? No, he's dead.
Yo Get something.
Get something.
We gotta get the horn off.
I got something.
I got Get it open.
Get it open! Get him off the horn.
I'll put him back.
I'll put him back.
I got something better.
Taking a picture? Yeah.
I gotta.
Look, fast, fast, fast.
I know.
Okay, okay.
You're gonna smile like that? Yeah.
I'm lost.
Previously on Lady Refs Kennedy's torn between a man Hey, good job! Cherry.
And a manly woman.
God, you are glowing right now.
'Cause I got the job, Seth, not because I just had sex.
Yeah, you did.
Dirkson falls hard for Kennedy Get your mind out of her pussy, Dirkson.
But falls even harder on the field.
We're losing her! - She's flatlining.
- No, I can't live without you.
Jinx.
Buy me a coke.
Clear! Clear! Clear! Aw, fuck you guys.
If you're offsides, out of bounds to play real rough and show them down even you would get a bump 'cause when I kick I kick it hard every time you hear the whistle go that's me in control we're playing sudden death lady refs Hey, babe, it's your fiance, uh, still waiting for ya.
All right, love you lots.
So much.
Okay, byesies.
Huh.
Offsides.
I breathe, you pump.
No, you pump, I breathe.
Let me die! Ladies, please, I'm trying to do an experimental ACL surgery here.
Okay, but doc I'm not a doctor, I'm a trainer.
Greg.
Greg, I want to give her mouth-to-mouth.
I want to give her mouth-to-mouth.
Ladies, please.
Take a lap.
What's your deal with Dirkson? She's my friend.
It's not like I "like" like her.
Good, 'cause I do.
She's the tits.
Too bad she doesn't feel the same about you.
Ow! Listen up, rookie, you're just the scrunchie of the month.
When that beautiful powerhouse wakes up in that locker room, it's gonna be me she's asking for.
Me! Okay.
That should do it.
Mmm-hmm.
Yes.
Hey, babe, what took you so long? You guys go into a little bit of, uh, a little overtime? Oh, shut up, Seth.
You don't understand soccer and you never will.
Look, let's don't fight, huh, before our wedding? Which is tomorrow Jablonsky.
I'm right here, baby.
Where's Kennedy? Are you serious? Next time on Lady Refs What are you doing? I'm going after the woman I love.
So am I.
No! I love you! Dude, this sucks.
I'm going home.
I'm not even drinking.
Why aren't you drinking? Uh, it's pilot season? Get professional.
Uh Whatever.
I hear that this season's gonna be bullshit anyway.
Mean, that's what my casting director friends told me.
Okay, I get it.
I know casting directors, as well, okay? And There's a difference in knowing them Hey, um Just because someone goes to your birthday We have a shit-ton of weed in the woodshed across the street if you guys wanna join us.
What? Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were Heather.
No.
Oh, no.
Wait.
What? What kind of woodshed is it? It's for wood.
It's a woodshed.
Twenty years ago, a group of beach kids ditched their boards and became the most famous bodysurfing crew in the world, until it all came crashing down.
This is Body Boys, Legend of the Pipers.
We were just a bunch of kids having fun, you know? We were learning to love the sea, and catching some pretty gnarly waves along with that.
I was having the time of my life riding those dope waves.
And then we met that beach whore.
We'd been having a pretty heavy sess.
And I looked up, and I saw this beach whore.
I could see through his wetsuit those peppermint nipples and I wanted to bang him so bad.
Yeah, back in those days I was a beach whore.
More of a beach slut.
I didn't get paid or anything.
He had taffy balls, and you could curl them up like spaghetti around your hands.
Once you get a taste of that hole, you can't stop.
"Let me get in.
Let me get in now.
" But the beach whore turned out to be more than just a hole.
One day at the beach, he changed their lives forever.
We didn't even know he could swim.
We usually just had our fists in his ass.
I said, "Hey, bro, you don't need a board to ride me.
"Why do you need a board to ride the waves? "Just ride bareback, bro.
" I'd give him a little kiss and throw him in the waves, and then that's how they learned how to bodysurf.
He threw Natasha's board away, pushed her in the water.
He threw my board away, pushed me in the water.
He was no longer just a hole to us, he was one of the Pipers now.
The Pipers' skills quickly escalated, and they started inventing dozens of tricks.
I developed a move called the French dip.
That's when I take Duncan by the ankles and I dip him into that beef broth and I flip him over and lick his head.
There was the cyclone.
Duncan had this amazing move called king's nap.
He would get so exhausted that he would just nap on that wave.
It was dope.
Lover's embrace is based after when I was banging Doug face-to-face instead of banging him like a regular whore.
It's not my favorite move.
I don't want to look in someone's eyes during the banging, I just want to bang.
We got walk the dog.
Doug would actually walk his little pup on the wave.
That was sick.
Although the Pipers are credited for inventing these moves, Eric's brother claims that they were originally his ideas.
You want the truth? My brother Eric ripped me off.
Look at this.
This is the tornado.
But he just renamed it.
What does he call it now? The cyclone? Cyclone? This was my idea and he's ripping me off.
And he renames it and acts like he came up with it himself, like he's Leonardo Da Vinci.
No, no, no, he's a shit brother.
Even my dad says he's a little shit son because he lies all the time.
Please, don't use him for this documentary.
I'm not gonna listen to that bullshit.
He's a liar.
While Eric's brother was allegedly inventing tricks, Natasha made a discovery that took bodysurfing to the next level.
One day I was bodysurfing and I hit the beach and I just kept going.
And then I realized, we don't even need water.
That's when the whole world got wet.
We were bodysurfing everything: Train tracks, buildings, waterfalls, alternative teenagers Yo, things got wicked rad for us.
We were on magazine covers, dolphins were taking pictures with us.
We were hot.
Piping hot.
The Pipers were on top, but not everything was rosy for Eric.
Twenty-five years ago, his Pepaw was swept to sea by a giant wave called mai m'au.
I had to avenge my Pepaw's death, and I had to surf mai m'au with my Pipers.
I miss you so much, Pepaw.
It was crazy.
No one ever surfed mai m'au.
It is a death wish.
I didn't want to do it, but We all agreed to do it.
Anything for a fellow Piper.
So the Pipers did the unthinkable.
They handcuffed themselves together and rode the biggest wave in the world.
Yeah.
Yeah Mmm While they were riding the wave, something supernatural occurred.
I thought I was on the end, and I look over and it's my Pepaw.
Pepaw! And he looked back at me and he said, "goodbye.
" And he went back in the ocean.
It was a great ride, until the 40-foot wave came crashing down.
I'm so glad I thought of that idea.
It was totally worth riding that wave.
Maybe for him, but for us, it was a disaster.
He didn't get hurt, but all of us got hurt.
Wave ripped our bodies in half.
Eric can walk.
Eric can drive.
Eric can bang.
I'm sorry, it rattles when I get angry.
There is no amount of makeup that can make this spine look good.
Dude, that was wicked gnar.
Welcome back to Juggalo News.
On the lighter side today, the annual Juggalo Junior Spelling Smackdown was held at the South DetroitRester's Lodge Convention Center.
Over 200 4th and 5th grade underground killas participated in the event.
We're joined now by the winner, How you doin', Machete? Hi.
Hey, it's really good to have you here.
Thanks for dropping an interview bomb on us.
What was the word that you won the competition with? "Chainsawculous.
" Jeez, that's the tough one.
I don't think I know how to spell that.
You're making me look like a dumb shit.
It must have been really nerve-racking for you getting up there in front of an ass-ton of motherfuckers like that.
Were you nervous at all? I was a little.
But it's cool, 'cause my pimp swag's off the chain.
Well, I can certainly see that.
It seems like you got mad smarts in your brains.
What do you wanna be when you grow up? I wanna be a straight-up dirty thug, or an architect.
Well, keep reaching for your fuckin' dreams.
Now, we don't want to put you all ups on the spot or anything, but we thought it might be fun to give you a little spelling challenge right here on the show.
How's that shit sound? Yeah, G, I got this on lockdown.
Okay, well, get ready, 'cause it's a tough one.
Uh, your word is "clownpocalypse.
" Can you use it in a sentence? Uh, sure.
"When the clownpocalypse drops a mega-deuce, "haters best grab hold of they pussies.
" Okay.
Clownpocalypse.
Ooh, I'm so sorry, "klownpocalypse" is spelled with a "k.
" It's with a "k.
" Uh, very close, though.
Good try.
Listen, it was hells of fresh to have you on the show, buddy, and do you wanna say fuck's up to anybody watching at home? Yes, to my mom and my dad.
And all the suckas who be frontin' on the clown, I'm'a make you eat my nightmares.
Okay.
9-year-old Machete Pimp 4 Real.
He ain't no ho.
Thanks for watching.
And now presenting the world premiere of a motion picture produced especially for Funny or Die, the movie of the week.
Tonight's movie, Boobie.
I, uh I don't get it.
Then why'd you laugh? Peer pressure? I don't know.
What's that? Boobie.
Boobie? Boobie.
He's my favorite.
What, you got a collection or something? Yeah, kind of.
I used to collect stickers.
Aw, cool! What time you got? Showtime.
You missed.
Fuck! I left my glasses in the car.
A real gun? What are you trying to do, kill me or something? Yeah, I guess.
Ow! You're bleeding! Does it hurt? I think I'm dyin'.
Do you want to hold Boobie? Sure? He's my favorite.
Come on, Boobie.
Let's get out of here.
Whoops, you caught me.
Uh, don't worry, she's not dead, she's just passed out.
As you can see, I almost got there.
But now it'd almost be like cheating.
Frankly, I don't respect that kind of behavior.
Sure, get 'em drunk, tell 'em a few lies, but once the brain shuts off and the muscles collapse, that's when I take the high road.
And you know what? The law agrees with me.
I hope you take the high road in everything you do.
See you next week.
When that beautiful powerhouse wakes up in that locker room, it's gonna be me she's asking for.
Me! Don't worry, my friend, I will help you.
Why thank you, miss Loganthorpe.
Remind me to give you a raise.
Hello, and welcome to tonight's installment of Funny or Die Presents.
You know, there are so many reasons why I really want you to stay tuned to HBO here and watch what's coming your way tonight.
I mean, of course, there's the great comedy you've really come to count on from Funny or Die, and the unburdened creativity that we like to foster here at this company.
I'll tell you, there's some great new, young comedians alongside some real tried and true comedy talent.
And the stuff just looks better and better all the time.
I'll tell you what, this technology is advancing so fast, we'll all be making Gone with the Wind on our cell phones within a year.
But what I'm most proud of, and why I think this episode is really going to be great, is in the 14th minute, there's some real tits and ass.
And not just a flash, but a good long look.
Oh, I'm telling you, you'll want to pause the TV when it comes up.
There's a quick shot of some beav in the 21st minute, but that goes by way too fast.
Anyway, it's good stuff, and exactly why we all got HBO 30 years ago.
You know, I might have got that mixed up.
The beav could be at the 14th minute, and the great pair of tits could be at the 21st.
Or maybe it's the 25th minute, I don't know.
Either way, it's great television.
Enjoy.
Tonight, on Funny or Die Presents, Warren Sapp in Do You Want to See a Dead Body? Episode 3 of Lady Refs, aw, Body Boys, starring Tim and Eric, and the movie of the week, Boobie.
No, I'm still down at the mechanic.
Hey, let me call you back.
Excuse me? You're Warren Sapp, right? Rob? Yeah.
Rob, what's up, man? What's going on? Met you at Stacy and Steve's wedding, right? Stacy and Steve, right.
That's a shame about them.
Oh, I didn't hear.
They already broke up? No, that they're together.
They're a horrible couple.
That's a good point.
Yeah, they were weird, right? So, you getting your car worked on? Yeah, some idiot tore my rear end off.
That's the worst.
Absolutely.
How long you gonna be here? All day long.
Hey.
Do you want to see a dead body? You know they call me the QB killer, right, Rob? Yeah.
But I've never seen one laying there dead.
You've never seen a dead body? Oh, hell, no.
Where did you see this dead body.
Buddy, it's gonna be awesome.
This way.
Wait, wait, wait.
This way.
Hey, Rob, you ever seen that Family Guy episode when Stewie gets stuck in the basement? No, I didn't.
Stewie, football head.
I think it's up this way.
Nope, wrong turn.
Oh, Jesus, God.
Where'd that come from? Hi, little girl.
I'm lost.
Okay, good luck.
Yeah, take it easy.
Good luck.
What the fuck was that? Run like shit! Run like shit! Hey, Rob, you ever seen the Family Guy episode when the whole family goes on vacation and they all get lost? No, Warren, I haven't seen that one.
It's not much further.
Hey, Rob.
What? Let's take a break, man.
Shh, did you hear that? Hold.
I farted.
Good one, good one.
Hey, Rob did you ever see that Family Guy when the negroes come over and they all have dinner? No, Warren, I never saw that Family Guy.
I mean, let's just agree that if you have a question about Family Guy, whether or not I saw it, the answer's no, I didn't see it.
Dead body, huh? This is not the dead body I brought you to see.
Clearly, this is a pig.
You promised me a dead body, so now, dead body, or your ass.
I'll be honest with you.
I think we took a wrong turn.
I'm gone.
Dead body, my ass.
Hey, the fuck is this thing? 'Cause I'm down here in the basement and I can't find it.
Completely lost.
Hey! You don't belong here.
You've got to get out of here or I call the police.
Okay, well, you don't have to be a dick about every little I'm not a dick! Okay, I'm sorry.
Can I just tell you I brought a personal hero of mine, Warren Sapp, from the NFL, it was supposed to be a very special day, and I blew it.
I blew it.
So, I'm asking you, man to man, can you just help me? I want to get out of here.
Don't worry, my friend, I will help you.
Warren! Let's go find that dead body.
Yo! No way! I told you it was around here.
Why would you have me go through that whole basement? He's outside! It's a shortcut.
Come on! Is he dead? Maybe he's just sleeping.
No way, this guy's dead.
Let me see.
What? No, he's dead.
Yo Get something.
Get something.
We gotta get the horn off.
I got something.
I got Get it open.
Get it open! Get him off the horn.
I'll put him back.
I'll put him back.
I got something better.
Taking a picture? Yeah.
I gotta.
Look, fast, fast, fast.
I know.
Okay, okay.
You're gonna smile like that? Yeah.
I'm lost.
Previously on Lady Refs Kennedy's torn between a man Hey, good job! Cherry.
And a manly woman.
God, you are glowing right now.
'Cause I got the job, Seth, not because I just had sex.
Yeah, you did.
Dirkson falls hard for Kennedy Get your mind out of her pussy, Dirkson.
But falls even harder on the field.
We're losing her! - She's flatlining.
- No, I can't live without you.
Jinx.
Buy me a coke.
Clear! Clear! Clear! Aw, fuck you guys.
If you're offsides, out of bounds to play real rough and show them down even you would get a bump 'cause when I kick I kick it hard every time you hear the whistle go that's me in control we're playing sudden death lady refs Hey, babe, it's your fiance, uh, still waiting for ya.
All right, love you lots.
So much.
Okay, byesies.
Huh.
Offsides.
I breathe, you pump.
No, you pump, I breathe.
Let me die! Ladies, please, I'm trying to do an experimental ACL surgery here.
Okay, but doc I'm not a doctor, I'm a trainer.
Greg.
Greg, I want to give her mouth-to-mouth.
I want to give her mouth-to-mouth.
Ladies, please.
Take a lap.
What's your deal with Dirkson? She's my friend.
It's not like I "like" like her.
Good, 'cause I do.
She's the tits.
Too bad she doesn't feel the same about you.
Ow! Listen up, rookie, you're just the scrunchie of the month.
When that beautiful powerhouse wakes up in that locker room, it's gonna be me she's asking for.
Me! Okay.
That should do it.
Mmm-hmm.
Yes.
Hey, babe, what took you so long? You guys go into a little bit of, uh, a little overtime? Oh, shut up, Seth.
You don't understand soccer and you never will.
Look, let's don't fight, huh, before our wedding? Which is tomorrow Jablonsky.
I'm right here, baby.
Where's Kennedy? Are you serious? Next time on Lady Refs What are you doing? I'm going after the woman I love.
So am I.
No! I love you! Dude, this sucks.
I'm going home.
I'm not even drinking.
Why aren't you drinking? Uh, it's pilot season? Get professional.
Uh Whatever.
I hear that this season's gonna be bullshit anyway.
Mean, that's what my casting director friends told me.
Okay, I get it.
I know casting directors, as well, okay? And There's a difference in knowing them Hey, um Just because someone goes to your birthday We have a shit-ton of weed in the woodshed across the street if you guys wanna join us.
What? Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were Heather.
No.
Oh, no.
Wait.
What? What kind of woodshed is it? It's for wood.
It's a woodshed.
Twenty years ago, a group of beach kids ditched their boards and became the most famous bodysurfing crew in the world, until it all came crashing down.
This is Body Boys, Legend of the Pipers.
We were just a bunch of kids having fun, you know? We were learning to love the sea, and catching some pretty gnarly waves along with that.
I was having the time of my life riding those dope waves.
And then we met that beach whore.
We'd been having a pretty heavy sess.
And I looked up, and I saw this beach whore.
I could see through his wetsuit those peppermint nipples and I wanted to bang him so bad.
Yeah, back in those days I was a beach whore.
More of a beach slut.
I didn't get paid or anything.
He had taffy balls, and you could curl them up like spaghetti around your hands.
Once you get a taste of that hole, you can't stop.
"Let me get in.
Let me get in now.
" But the beach whore turned out to be more than just a hole.
One day at the beach, he changed their lives forever.
We didn't even know he could swim.
We usually just had our fists in his ass.
I said, "Hey, bro, you don't need a board to ride me.
"Why do you need a board to ride the waves? "Just ride bareback, bro.
" I'd give him a little kiss and throw him in the waves, and then that's how they learned how to bodysurf.
He threw Natasha's board away, pushed her in the water.
He threw my board away, pushed me in the water.
He was no longer just a hole to us, he was one of the Pipers now.
The Pipers' skills quickly escalated, and they started inventing dozens of tricks.
I developed a move called the French dip.
That's when I take Duncan by the ankles and I dip him into that beef broth and I flip him over and lick his head.
There was the cyclone.
Duncan had this amazing move called king's nap.
He would get so exhausted that he would just nap on that wave.
It was dope.
Lover's embrace is based after when I was banging Doug face-to-face instead of banging him like a regular whore.
It's not my favorite move.
I don't want to look in someone's eyes during the banging, I just want to bang.
We got walk the dog.
Doug would actually walk his little pup on the wave.
That was sick.
Although the Pipers are credited for inventing these moves, Eric's brother claims that they were originally his ideas.
You want the truth? My brother Eric ripped me off.
Look at this.
This is the tornado.
But he just renamed it.
What does he call it now? The cyclone? Cyclone? This was my idea and he's ripping me off.
And he renames it and acts like he came up with it himself, like he's Leonardo Da Vinci.
No, no, no, he's a shit brother.
Even my dad says he's a little shit son because he lies all the time.
Please, don't use him for this documentary.
I'm not gonna listen to that bullshit.
He's a liar.
While Eric's brother was allegedly inventing tricks, Natasha made a discovery that took bodysurfing to the next level.
One day I was bodysurfing and I hit the beach and I just kept going.
And then I realized, we don't even need water.
That's when the whole world got wet.
We were bodysurfing everything: Train tracks, buildings, waterfalls, alternative teenagers Yo, things got wicked rad for us.
We were on magazine covers, dolphins were taking pictures with us.
We were hot.
Piping hot.
The Pipers were on top, but not everything was rosy for Eric.
Twenty-five years ago, his Pepaw was swept to sea by a giant wave called mai m'au.
I had to avenge my Pepaw's death, and I had to surf mai m'au with my Pipers.
I miss you so much, Pepaw.
It was crazy.
No one ever surfed mai m'au.
It is a death wish.
I didn't want to do it, but We all agreed to do it.
Anything for a fellow Piper.
So the Pipers did the unthinkable.
They handcuffed themselves together and rode the biggest wave in the world.
Yeah.
Yeah Mmm While they were riding the wave, something supernatural occurred.
I thought I was on the end, and I look over and it's my Pepaw.
Pepaw! And he looked back at me and he said, "goodbye.
" And he went back in the ocean.
It was a great ride, until the 40-foot wave came crashing down.
I'm so glad I thought of that idea.
It was totally worth riding that wave.
Maybe for him, but for us, it was a disaster.
He didn't get hurt, but all of us got hurt.
Wave ripped our bodies in half.
Eric can walk.
Eric can drive.
Eric can bang.
I'm sorry, it rattles when I get angry.
There is no amount of makeup that can make this spine look good.
Dude, that was wicked gnar.
Welcome back to Juggalo News.
On the lighter side today, the annual Juggalo Junior Spelling Smackdown was held at the South DetroitRester's Lodge Convention Center.
Over 200 4th and 5th grade underground killas participated in the event.
We're joined now by the winner, How you doin', Machete? Hi.
Hey, it's really good to have you here.
Thanks for dropping an interview bomb on us.
What was the word that you won the competition with? "Chainsawculous.
" Jeez, that's the tough one.
I don't think I know how to spell that.
You're making me look like a dumb shit.
It must have been really nerve-racking for you getting up there in front of an ass-ton of motherfuckers like that.
Were you nervous at all? I was a little.
But it's cool, 'cause my pimp swag's off the chain.
Well, I can certainly see that.
It seems like you got mad smarts in your brains.
What do you wanna be when you grow up? I wanna be a straight-up dirty thug, or an architect.
Well, keep reaching for your fuckin' dreams.
Now, we don't want to put you all ups on the spot or anything, but we thought it might be fun to give you a little spelling challenge right here on the show.
How's that shit sound? Yeah, G, I got this on lockdown.
Okay, well, get ready, 'cause it's a tough one.
Uh, your word is "clownpocalypse.
" Can you use it in a sentence? Uh, sure.
"When the clownpocalypse drops a mega-deuce, "haters best grab hold of they pussies.
" Okay.
Clownpocalypse.
Ooh, I'm so sorry, "klownpocalypse" is spelled with a "k.
" It's with a "k.
" Uh, very close, though.
Good try.
Listen, it was hells of fresh to have you on the show, buddy, and do you wanna say fuck's up to anybody watching at home? Yes, to my mom and my dad.
And all the suckas who be frontin' on the clown, I'm'a make you eat my nightmares.
Okay.
9-year-old Machete Pimp 4 Real.
He ain't no ho.
Thanks for watching.
And now presenting the world premiere of a motion picture produced especially for Funny or Die, the movie of the week.
Tonight's movie, Boobie.
I, uh I don't get it.
Then why'd you laugh? Peer pressure? I don't know.
What's that? Boobie.
Boobie? Boobie.
He's my favorite.
What, you got a collection or something? Yeah, kind of.
I used to collect stickers.
Aw, cool! What time you got? Showtime.
You missed.
Fuck! I left my glasses in the car.
A real gun? What are you trying to do, kill me or something? Yeah, I guess.
Ow! You're bleeding! Does it hurt? I think I'm dyin'.
Do you want to hold Boobie? Sure? He's my favorite.
Come on, Boobie.
Let's get out of here.
Whoops, you caught me.
Uh, don't worry, she's not dead, she's just passed out.
As you can see, I almost got there.
But now it'd almost be like cheating.
Frankly, I don't respect that kind of behavior.
Sure, get 'em drunk, tell 'em a few lies, but once the brain shuts off and the muscles collapse, that's when I take the high road.
And you know what? The law agrees with me.
I hope you take the high road in everything you do.
See you next week.