Get Smart (1965) s02e08 Episode Script
Hoo Done It
( Asian music playing ) ( tropical bird caws ) Am I going too fast for you, 99? No, Max, I'm fine.
- Are we almost there? - We must be.
It's gotta be around here someplace.
So this is the fabulous island of Tuwana, gateway to Hawaii.
What a spot for a vacation.
This is just our cover.
- We're here on a top secret mission.
- What is our assignment, Max? I don't know.
Here.
Hold that.
I had sealed orders.
Max, you mean you haven't opened that yet? But you know CONTROL procedure calls for the opening of sealed orders before arrival at destination.
Are you sure, 99? I never got that in training school.
Of course you did, Max.
Don't you remember? We were given a sealed envelope containing information about opening sealed orders.
- Didn't you get that? - Yes, but I never opened the envelope.
Listen to this, 99-- we're to meet a Colonel Roger Forsythe, a retired officer of the British Black Watch.
He has some information for us about a KAOS plot.
- We'd better get on to the hotel.
- Right, Max.
- Here, let me take this, 99.
- Oh, thank you, Max.
- ( rattles ) - Careful, 99.
That's expensive luggage.
Hmm, this must be the place.
- Max: Oh, hi there.
- Oh, good morning.
Listen, if you're the hotel gardener, you're in a lot of trouble.
No, no, I'm Milton Conrad.
Welcome to the Tuwana Conrad.
- I'm the owner.
- Oh, that's very clever, Mr.
Conrad.
You've named the hotel the Tuwana Conrad after yourself.
I'm sorry I can't see you to your rooms, but I have urgent business on the mainland.
- Are we on the hotel grounds? - Oh, yes, this is the golf course.
The hotel is straight up the fairway.
Oh, you'll need this.
Thank you.
Sure is a sporty little course, isn't it? Pardon me, I wonder if you could tell me where I could find Colonel Forsythe.
Right this way.
( people singing ) - Woman: Here, here! - Come on, make a wish and don't tell anybody what it is.
- ( gunshot ) - ( groans ) I don't think he's going to get his wish.
( theme music playing ) Killed by an exploding birthday cake.
going on around here.
I've called the police as you directed, sir.
An inspector will be arriving from the mainland any minute.
Good.
Come on, 99.
We might as well check in.
Right, Max.
- Uh, do you have a room? - Yes, someone just checked out.
You have a reservation for a Mr.
and Mrs.
Livingstone? Ah, yes, Mr.
Livingstone.
Your room is 104 and your wife is in 211.
May I ask a personal question? Yes, but just one.
It might seem a bit presumptuous, but it's rather strange.
- What is? - That you're in room 104 and your wife is in 211.
Perhaps you're right.
I'll tell you what, put me in 211 and put her in 104.
( rumbles ) - What was that? - One of the features of the island-- an active volcano.
Does that every hour.
- You can set your watch by it.
- That seemed rather severe.
- How close is the volcano? - Oh, about 15 feet.
I'll see to your luggage now.
Max, this hotel gives me the creeps.
Exploding birthday cakes, volcanoes-- why would anyone want to come here? For one thing, 99, you can't beat the rates.
I don't care what you say, Max, anyone would be a fool to come to the Tuwana Conrad.
Moment, please.
Do not deny implication, only resent it.
Unless I miss my guess, 99, that would be Harry Hoo, the famous Hawaiian detective.
This way, please.
Ah, Mr.
Smart.
Miss 99.
Hi, Hoo.
How are ya? - Not too happy, Mr.
Smart.
- What's wrong? To be too happy is to invite trouble from Hawaiian God Ki'nahora.
I see you've brought a change of clothes, Mr.
Hoo.
Oh yes, found wonderful tailor in Hong Kong, Mr.
Smart.
How come all your suits are exactly the same? Oh, beg to differ.
All have different styles.
Oh, I guess all Chinese suits look alike to me.
Do you always wear white, Mr.
Hoo? Except in summer.
will you? Go in and see that the guests don't leave the dining room till I've - had a chance to question them.
- Right, Max.
Ah, so, Mr.
Smart, once again bird of death has brought us together.
Yes, and it's a little embarrassing for me, Mr.
Hoo.
You see, I had an appointment with the murdered man.
Ah, tell me, Mr.
Smart, - how was victim killed? - By an exploding birthday cake.
Ah so.
That again.
- Again? - Yes, becoming quite common.
In some countries it is considered crime to carry concealed birthday cake.
Tell me, what do you know about victim? Well, his name was Colonel Forsythe.
He was a master spy who infiltrated the Japanese High Command just before the last war.
Ah, did Japanese ever suspect him? No, no, he was too clever for that.
You see, he was able to divert suspicion from himself by personally ordering the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor.
- Amazing.
- The four suspects are waiting for you.
Correction, please.
There are not four suspects in this case, - there are seven.
- Seven? But there are only four guests outside of Colonel Forsythe.
I am including you, Miss 99 and myself in this list.
You see, I have learned never to eliminate possible suspect.
In one case, I was suspect until very end.
- Did you do it? - Of course not.
Murderer was oriental detective, all right, but was another oriental detective.
Well, that must have been a big relief to you.
- I'd better go check the grounds.
- Good idea, 99.
And while you're out there, why don't you have a look around? I have gathered you all here to question you about the unfortunate passing of Colonel Forsythe.
Will you all please identify yourselves? - Starting with you, sir.
- My name is Ben Gazzman.
I guess you'd call me an adventurer.
I go about the world drinking, loving and driving fast cars, trying to crowd as many experiences as I can into my life.
See, the doctor told me I only have two years to live.
When did he tell you that? Do you have any questions, Mr.
Smart? Yes, Mr.
Hoo, I'd like to know where you were when the murder was committed.
Not for me, for him! No questions.
Amazing.
- And you, sir.
- I'm Arthur Von Werner.
I'm Swiss.
I'm a watchmaker.
And I suppose you were a neutral during the war? I said I was Swiss.
I was never a neutral.
I was just taking the orders.
Sorry, but humble detective think you are lying.
- And I think you are a fool.
- Now wait a minute! You can't talk that way to the world's greatest detective.
Control yourself, Mr.
Smart.
As Confucius say, "Stick and stone may break my bone, but name will never hurt me.
" - Confucius said that? - As a child.
Now, Von Werner, what are your hobbies? Watercolors, classical music und torture.
- I don't think he's a watchmaker.
- I have proof! I designed already this very cuckoo clock.
Sieg heil! Sieg heil! - It's not 2:00.
- Don't argue with him! If he says it's 2:00, you'd better believe him.
I still say he's lying.
Mr.
Smart, let us not pursue it.
I still have relatives living in Switzerland.
( volcano rumbles ) Now it's 2:00! Instead of prosecuting the Swiss, why don't you find out why an hour before he died he was drinking martinis with that woman.
That is a lie! We were drinking Manhattans.
Ah so, that is most helpful, madam.
- You are? - I am the Contessa Dorina Montenegro.
I met the colonel this morning and fell madly in love with him.
But it is always the same.
Uh, explain, please.
There is nothing to explain.
It is simply that every time I meet a handsome and dashing man, something terrible always happens to him.
Hmm, I'd better watch myself.
Amazing.
Now our final suspect of the evening.
I am Omar Shurok.
I'm Lebanese.
- I'm a spy.
- Ah so.
And on what country do you spy? I spy on every country-- except Austria.
I promised my mother I would never spy on Austria.
Uh, why is that? My mother is spying on Austria.
Mr.
Shurok, does the name KAOS mean anything to you? KAOS? The international organization of evil? Formed in 1904 in Bucharest, designed to foment unrest and revolution throughout the world? - Yes.
- I never heard of it.
- I think he's lying.
- Max! A storm's brewing, so the ferry can't reach us from the mainland.
- We're cut off! - In that case, must insist that no one leave island.
some kind of a boat we can get to take us to the mainland.
No, Max, the employees took the boat with them.
They've all left.
And, Max, a strange thing-- - someone's cut the telephone wires.
- ( thunder crashes ) Any further questions, Mr.
Smart? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have some further questions, Mr.
Hoo.
I'd like to ask each one of you one question.
Do you believe that Colonel Forsythe was what he said he was, or do you believe he was a spy? Very well, let's begin the questioning with Mr.
Gazzman.
I think he was a retired colonel.
Okay, one down and three to go.
Contessa? Did the colonel perform a service? I'm not sure, but I think he was self-employed.
Mr.
Smart, I think this line of questioning will not be productive.
Suggest we all go to our rooms - and lock door.
Good night, Von Werner.
- Good night, Mr.
Hoo.
- Good night, Mr.
Gazzman.
- Good night, Von Werner.
Good night, Shurok.
Good night, Mr.
Gazzman.
Good night, Contessa.
Good night, Mr.
Shurok.
Good night, Mr.
Smart.
Good night, Contessa.
Good night, Mr.
Hoo.
Good night, Mr.
Smart.
Good night, Von Werner.
Good night ( wind whooshing ) - Let me try, Max.
- Don't be silly, 99.
If I can't do it, what makes you think you can do it? ( pops ) You've got a lot to learn about male superiority.
Max, there's a storm brewing.
It's going to be very dangerous to try to row to the mainland.
I suppose so, but someone's got to get to the mainland and tell them that we're stranded out here with a crazy maniacal KAOS killer.
I guess you're right.
Goodbye, Max.
Goodbye, 99, and good luck.
For your information, Mr.
Smart, I've arranged to meet Mr.
Gazzman in the dining room.
- You mean to tell me-- - Yes, I believe we have our murderer.
Ah, Mr.
Gazzman, the little game is ended.
You have been clever, but not too clever for Harry Hoo.
You have always been my prime suspect.
Until now.
- What is he saying? - He says your knee is on his chest.
Sorry about that.
Is he still alive? I don't know.
Better take pulse.
His pulse.
He's dead.
It is wisely written, Mr.
Hoo, that dead men tell no tales.
I'll do the proverbs please.
Just search pockets for possible clues.
Okay, let's see KAOS identification card.
A white feather.
Black book with three names circled.
Ah, pattern is beginning to emerge.
A trained black widow spider.
- And a torn page-- - Wait a minute.
- What did you say? - A torn page-- No, no, before that.
A trained black widow spi-- a trained black widow spider! Exactly! Familiar and diabolical method-- using trained spider to do killer's work.
Say, I've got a great idea, Mr.
Hoo! Why don't we get all the guests and form them in a circle and see who the spider crawls to? Do you know what Mr.
Gazzman's death means? Yes, I do, Mr.
Hoo.
It means that the exploding birthday cake can no longer be considered just an accident.
Amazing.
- Look at this, Mr.
Hoo.
- What is that? Just before Gazzman died, he scrawled the initials of his killer on this slip of paper.
Permit me-- "HH.
" - That's of no importance.
- Wait a minute.
Herbert Hoover? - Hubert Humphrey - Now, Mr.
Smart-- - Hector Hernandez - Mr.
Smart-- - Yes? - I have decided upon method of trapping murderer.
Tonight at dinner you will make announcement that tomorrow morning you intend to expose killer.
Oh.
What good will that do? Well, murderer fearing capture - will try to kill you.
- Oh, good! Eh he will? Well, that means that I could die trying to solve this case.
Mr.
Smart, it is truly written you can't win them all.
Mr.
Hoo, I did as you suggested.
I made the announcement at the dinner table tonight.
Now all we have to do is wait for murderer to strike.
- I'm certain he will appear - I hope you're right.
- and try to kill you.
- I hope you're wrong.
- ( clattering ) - Shh! So it is you, Shurok.
You're the murderer.
- What are you talking about? - First you killed Colonel Forsythe.
Then you killed Mr.
Gazzman.
And tonight you tried to kill me - before I could learn your identity.
- I haven't killed anyone! Oh no? Then perhaps you can explain what you're doing here.
I was going to bed! This is my room! ( thunder crashes ) Mr.
Hoo and I both agree that it is no longer safe for any of us to be left alone.
That way it would be too easy for the killer to pick us off one by one.
Yes, humbly fear that if we all stay together, killer will be unable to strike.
- Do you agree, Contessa? - Yes, yes, of course.
- And you, Herr Von Verner? - It's Von Werner! Und I'm Swiss.
And you, Mr.
Shurok, do you not feel that we will all be safer if we stay together? Mr.
Shurok has provided strong argument against my proposal.
Another murder.
How was it done this time, Mr.
Hoo? Perhaps poison needle, perhaps strangulation.
Providence has been kind.
Mr.
Shurok was only napping.
Max: Yes, well, it is a little stuffy in here.
I suggest that we all go out on the patio and get a breath-- Moment, please.
- Is he sleeping too? - Sleep that is endless.
( thunder crashes ) Of course.
A pinch of casteroid potassium, a deadly poison.
I do not understand why Von Werner did not notice casteroid potassium in tea.
How could he? It tastes like any one of a thousand other poisons.
Amazing.
Contessa, I'm going to keep my eye on you, and Harry Hoo is going to watch Mr.
Shurok.
I feel so safe with you protecting me, Mr.
Smart.
Well, I don't like to boast, but of all the hundreds of people I've guarded, I've only lost three.
Would you believe four? Ah! So, so sorry.
Another point for me, Mr.
Shurok.
Oh, good shot.
Ah, ha, ha! That's it, Mr.
Shurok, game is over.
What happened? He lost 21-17.
Another man murdered.
How horrible.
He wasn't playing well anyway.
Well, of course not! He had an ax in his back.
Five people murdered one by one, and only you and I left alone on this island, Mr.
Hoo.
Uh, let us not leap to conclusion, Mr.
Smart.
Suggest we put gun on table and discuss case sensibly.
I am reminded of similar case in 1952.
one by one they died.
Did you find the killer? Yes, it was typhoid epidemic.
Do you believe that there is a typhoid epidemic on this island, Mr.
Hoo? No such luck, Mr.
Smart.
Find that all victims had one thing in common.
A bad travel agent? No, they were all members of KAOS.
I found that they had one of these in each one of their suitcases.
A KAOS identification ring.
If all victims were KAOS agents, conclude that killer must be man with pathological hatred of KAOS.
You are such a man, Mr.
Smart.
And since you are only man on island besides myself, - you must be murderer.
- Moment, please, Mr.
Hoo.
You are forgetting one thing.
You are forgetting that when Gazzman died, he wrote the initials of his killer-- "HH.
" And I've come to the conclusion that "HH" stands for Harry Hoo.
And since you and I are the only ones left on this island, then you must be the murderer.
( both fire ) So it did work-- down to the last man.
Not quite, Mr.
Conrad.
Mr.
Hoo, your hunch was right.
Conrad never did leave the island.
You see, he knew that all of his guests were KAOS defectors.
So he had to kill Colonel Forsythe before he could arrange for their passage back to the States.
Yes, Mr.
Conrad was taken in by our little charade.
He counted on us killing one another.
He cleverly planted suspicion by leaving note marked "HH" by Mr.
Gazzman's body.
Well, to tell you the truth, Mr.
Hoo, I thought that "HH" stood for Harry Hoo.
Oh, please do not apologize, Mr.
Smart.
You also suspected Herbert Hoover.
I don't understand! I saw you shoot each other.
How is it you're not both dead? Because we took the simple precaution of loading our guns with blanks.
Ooh.
In that case, gentlemen, put your hands up.
Amazing.
( gunshot ) to see you.
Oh, Max, it's so lucky that I couldn't reach the mainland.
- I'll say it was.
- So Conrad killed Colonel Forsythe.
Yes, and a few other good people too.
It's a good thing you shot him.
- I guess I saved your life, Max.
- Not only that, 99, but now we can check out of the hotel without paying our bill.
Ah so, storm is over and another case is solved.
Do you see anything yet, Mr.
Hoo? - ( rustling ) - No, can see nothing.
with that luggage! - I'm trying, Max! - Why don't you help her, Mr.
Smart? Oh, good idea.
Here, let me take this bag, 99.
- Thanks, Max.
- You chop for a while.
Boy this vegetation really grows fast.
Any sign of boat yet, Mr.
Smart? No, but maybe we can see better when we get outside.
I think we're on the right path, Mr.
Hoo.
Here's the front desk.
( theme music playing )
- Are we almost there? - We must be.
It's gotta be around here someplace.
So this is the fabulous island of Tuwana, gateway to Hawaii.
What a spot for a vacation.
This is just our cover.
- We're here on a top secret mission.
- What is our assignment, Max? I don't know.
Here.
Hold that.
I had sealed orders.
Max, you mean you haven't opened that yet? But you know CONTROL procedure calls for the opening of sealed orders before arrival at destination.
Are you sure, 99? I never got that in training school.
Of course you did, Max.
Don't you remember? We were given a sealed envelope containing information about opening sealed orders.
- Didn't you get that? - Yes, but I never opened the envelope.
Listen to this, 99-- we're to meet a Colonel Roger Forsythe, a retired officer of the British Black Watch.
He has some information for us about a KAOS plot.
- We'd better get on to the hotel.
- Right, Max.
- Here, let me take this, 99.
- Oh, thank you, Max.
- ( rattles ) - Careful, 99.
That's expensive luggage.
Hmm, this must be the place.
- Max: Oh, hi there.
- Oh, good morning.
Listen, if you're the hotel gardener, you're in a lot of trouble.
No, no, I'm Milton Conrad.
Welcome to the Tuwana Conrad.
- I'm the owner.
- Oh, that's very clever, Mr.
Conrad.
You've named the hotel the Tuwana Conrad after yourself.
I'm sorry I can't see you to your rooms, but I have urgent business on the mainland.
- Are we on the hotel grounds? - Oh, yes, this is the golf course.
The hotel is straight up the fairway.
Oh, you'll need this.
Thank you.
Sure is a sporty little course, isn't it? Pardon me, I wonder if you could tell me where I could find Colonel Forsythe.
Right this way.
( people singing ) - Woman: Here, here! - Come on, make a wish and don't tell anybody what it is.
- ( gunshot ) - ( groans ) I don't think he's going to get his wish.
( theme music playing ) Killed by an exploding birthday cake.
going on around here.
I've called the police as you directed, sir.
An inspector will be arriving from the mainland any minute.
Good.
Come on, 99.
We might as well check in.
Right, Max.
- Uh, do you have a room? - Yes, someone just checked out.
You have a reservation for a Mr.
and Mrs.
Livingstone? Ah, yes, Mr.
Livingstone.
Your room is 104 and your wife is in 211.
May I ask a personal question? Yes, but just one.
It might seem a bit presumptuous, but it's rather strange.
- What is? - That you're in room 104 and your wife is in 211.
Perhaps you're right.
I'll tell you what, put me in 211 and put her in 104.
( rumbles ) - What was that? - One of the features of the island-- an active volcano.
Does that every hour.
- You can set your watch by it.
- That seemed rather severe.
- How close is the volcano? - Oh, about 15 feet.
I'll see to your luggage now.
Max, this hotel gives me the creeps.
Exploding birthday cakes, volcanoes-- why would anyone want to come here? For one thing, 99, you can't beat the rates.
I don't care what you say, Max, anyone would be a fool to come to the Tuwana Conrad.
Moment, please.
Do not deny implication, only resent it.
Unless I miss my guess, 99, that would be Harry Hoo, the famous Hawaiian detective.
This way, please.
Ah, Mr.
Smart.
Miss 99.
Hi, Hoo.
How are ya? - Not too happy, Mr.
Smart.
- What's wrong? To be too happy is to invite trouble from Hawaiian God Ki'nahora.
I see you've brought a change of clothes, Mr.
Hoo.
Oh yes, found wonderful tailor in Hong Kong, Mr.
Smart.
How come all your suits are exactly the same? Oh, beg to differ.
All have different styles.
Oh, I guess all Chinese suits look alike to me.
Do you always wear white, Mr.
Hoo? Except in summer.
will you? Go in and see that the guests don't leave the dining room till I've - had a chance to question them.
- Right, Max.
Ah, so, Mr.
Smart, once again bird of death has brought us together.
Yes, and it's a little embarrassing for me, Mr.
Hoo.
You see, I had an appointment with the murdered man.
Ah, tell me, Mr.
Smart, - how was victim killed? - By an exploding birthday cake.
Ah so.
That again.
- Again? - Yes, becoming quite common.
In some countries it is considered crime to carry concealed birthday cake.
Tell me, what do you know about victim? Well, his name was Colonel Forsythe.
He was a master spy who infiltrated the Japanese High Command just before the last war.
Ah, did Japanese ever suspect him? No, no, he was too clever for that.
You see, he was able to divert suspicion from himself by personally ordering the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor.
- Amazing.
- The four suspects are waiting for you.
Correction, please.
There are not four suspects in this case, - there are seven.
- Seven? But there are only four guests outside of Colonel Forsythe.
I am including you, Miss 99 and myself in this list.
You see, I have learned never to eliminate possible suspect.
In one case, I was suspect until very end.
- Did you do it? - Of course not.
Murderer was oriental detective, all right, but was another oriental detective.
Well, that must have been a big relief to you.
- I'd better go check the grounds.
- Good idea, 99.
And while you're out there, why don't you have a look around? I have gathered you all here to question you about the unfortunate passing of Colonel Forsythe.
Will you all please identify yourselves? - Starting with you, sir.
- My name is Ben Gazzman.
I guess you'd call me an adventurer.
I go about the world drinking, loving and driving fast cars, trying to crowd as many experiences as I can into my life.
See, the doctor told me I only have two years to live.
When did he tell you that? Do you have any questions, Mr.
Smart? Yes, Mr.
Hoo, I'd like to know where you were when the murder was committed.
Not for me, for him! No questions.
Amazing.
- And you, sir.
- I'm Arthur Von Werner.
I'm Swiss.
I'm a watchmaker.
And I suppose you were a neutral during the war? I said I was Swiss.
I was never a neutral.
I was just taking the orders.
Sorry, but humble detective think you are lying.
- And I think you are a fool.
- Now wait a minute! You can't talk that way to the world's greatest detective.
Control yourself, Mr.
Smart.
As Confucius say, "Stick and stone may break my bone, but name will never hurt me.
" - Confucius said that? - As a child.
Now, Von Werner, what are your hobbies? Watercolors, classical music und torture.
- I don't think he's a watchmaker.
- I have proof! I designed already this very cuckoo clock.
Sieg heil! Sieg heil! - It's not 2:00.
- Don't argue with him! If he says it's 2:00, you'd better believe him.
I still say he's lying.
Mr.
Smart, let us not pursue it.
I still have relatives living in Switzerland.
( volcano rumbles ) Now it's 2:00! Instead of prosecuting the Swiss, why don't you find out why an hour before he died he was drinking martinis with that woman.
That is a lie! We were drinking Manhattans.
Ah so, that is most helpful, madam.
- You are? - I am the Contessa Dorina Montenegro.
I met the colonel this morning and fell madly in love with him.
But it is always the same.
Uh, explain, please.
There is nothing to explain.
It is simply that every time I meet a handsome and dashing man, something terrible always happens to him.
Hmm, I'd better watch myself.
Amazing.
Now our final suspect of the evening.
I am Omar Shurok.
I'm Lebanese.
- I'm a spy.
- Ah so.
And on what country do you spy? I spy on every country-- except Austria.
I promised my mother I would never spy on Austria.
Uh, why is that? My mother is spying on Austria.
Mr.
Shurok, does the name KAOS mean anything to you? KAOS? The international organization of evil? Formed in 1904 in Bucharest, designed to foment unrest and revolution throughout the world? - Yes.
- I never heard of it.
- I think he's lying.
- Max! A storm's brewing, so the ferry can't reach us from the mainland.
- We're cut off! - In that case, must insist that no one leave island.
some kind of a boat we can get to take us to the mainland.
No, Max, the employees took the boat with them.
They've all left.
And, Max, a strange thing-- - someone's cut the telephone wires.
- ( thunder crashes ) Any further questions, Mr.
Smart? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have some further questions, Mr.
Hoo.
I'd like to ask each one of you one question.
Do you believe that Colonel Forsythe was what he said he was, or do you believe he was a spy? Very well, let's begin the questioning with Mr.
Gazzman.
I think he was a retired colonel.
Okay, one down and three to go.
Contessa? Did the colonel perform a service? I'm not sure, but I think he was self-employed.
Mr.
Smart, I think this line of questioning will not be productive.
Suggest we all go to our rooms - and lock door.
Good night, Von Werner.
- Good night, Mr.
Hoo.
- Good night, Mr.
Gazzman.
- Good night, Von Werner.
Good night, Shurok.
Good night, Mr.
Gazzman.
Good night, Contessa.
Good night, Mr.
Shurok.
Good night, Mr.
Smart.
Good night, Contessa.
Good night, Mr.
Hoo.
Good night, Mr.
Smart.
Good night, Von Werner.
Good night ( wind whooshing ) - Let me try, Max.
- Don't be silly, 99.
If I can't do it, what makes you think you can do it? ( pops ) You've got a lot to learn about male superiority.
Max, there's a storm brewing.
It's going to be very dangerous to try to row to the mainland.
I suppose so, but someone's got to get to the mainland and tell them that we're stranded out here with a crazy maniacal KAOS killer.
I guess you're right.
Goodbye, Max.
Goodbye, 99, and good luck.
For your information, Mr.
Smart, I've arranged to meet Mr.
Gazzman in the dining room.
- You mean to tell me-- - Yes, I believe we have our murderer.
Ah, Mr.
Gazzman, the little game is ended.
You have been clever, but not too clever for Harry Hoo.
You have always been my prime suspect.
Until now.
- What is he saying? - He says your knee is on his chest.
Sorry about that.
Is he still alive? I don't know.
Better take pulse.
His pulse.
He's dead.
It is wisely written, Mr.
Hoo, that dead men tell no tales.
I'll do the proverbs please.
Just search pockets for possible clues.
Okay, let's see KAOS identification card.
A white feather.
Black book with three names circled.
Ah, pattern is beginning to emerge.
A trained black widow spider.
- And a torn page-- - Wait a minute.
- What did you say? - A torn page-- No, no, before that.
A trained black widow spi-- a trained black widow spider! Exactly! Familiar and diabolical method-- using trained spider to do killer's work.
Say, I've got a great idea, Mr.
Hoo! Why don't we get all the guests and form them in a circle and see who the spider crawls to? Do you know what Mr.
Gazzman's death means? Yes, I do, Mr.
Hoo.
It means that the exploding birthday cake can no longer be considered just an accident.
Amazing.
- Look at this, Mr.
Hoo.
- What is that? Just before Gazzman died, he scrawled the initials of his killer on this slip of paper.
Permit me-- "HH.
" - That's of no importance.
- Wait a minute.
Herbert Hoover? - Hubert Humphrey - Now, Mr.
Smart-- - Hector Hernandez - Mr.
Smart-- - Yes? - I have decided upon method of trapping murderer.
Tonight at dinner you will make announcement that tomorrow morning you intend to expose killer.
Oh.
What good will that do? Well, murderer fearing capture - will try to kill you.
- Oh, good! Eh he will? Well, that means that I could die trying to solve this case.
Mr.
Smart, it is truly written you can't win them all.
Mr.
Hoo, I did as you suggested.
I made the announcement at the dinner table tonight.
Now all we have to do is wait for murderer to strike.
- I'm certain he will appear - I hope you're right.
- and try to kill you.
- I hope you're wrong.
- ( clattering ) - Shh! So it is you, Shurok.
You're the murderer.
- What are you talking about? - First you killed Colonel Forsythe.
Then you killed Mr.
Gazzman.
And tonight you tried to kill me - before I could learn your identity.
- I haven't killed anyone! Oh no? Then perhaps you can explain what you're doing here.
I was going to bed! This is my room! ( thunder crashes ) Mr.
Hoo and I both agree that it is no longer safe for any of us to be left alone.
That way it would be too easy for the killer to pick us off one by one.
Yes, humbly fear that if we all stay together, killer will be unable to strike.
- Do you agree, Contessa? - Yes, yes, of course.
- And you, Herr Von Verner? - It's Von Werner! Und I'm Swiss.
And you, Mr.
Shurok, do you not feel that we will all be safer if we stay together? Mr.
Shurok has provided strong argument against my proposal.
Another murder.
How was it done this time, Mr.
Hoo? Perhaps poison needle, perhaps strangulation.
Providence has been kind.
Mr.
Shurok was only napping.
Max: Yes, well, it is a little stuffy in here.
I suggest that we all go out on the patio and get a breath-- Moment, please.
- Is he sleeping too? - Sleep that is endless.
( thunder crashes ) Of course.
A pinch of casteroid potassium, a deadly poison.
I do not understand why Von Werner did not notice casteroid potassium in tea.
How could he? It tastes like any one of a thousand other poisons.
Amazing.
Contessa, I'm going to keep my eye on you, and Harry Hoo is going to watch Mr.
Shurok.
I feel so safe with you protecting me, Mr.
Smart.
Well, I don't like to boast, but of all the hundreds of people I've guarded, I've only lost three.
Would you believe four? Ah! So, so sorry.
Another point for me, Mr.
Shurok.
Oh, good shot.
Ah, ha, ha! That's it, Mr.
Shurok, game is over.
What happened? He lost 21-17.
Another man murdered.
How horrible.
He wasn't playing well anyway.
Well, of course not! He had an ax in his back.
Five people murdered one by one, and only you and I left alone on this island, Mr.
Hoo.
Uh, let us not leap to conclusion, Mr.
Smart.
Suggest we put gun on table and discuss case sensibly.
I am reminded of similar case in 1952.
one by one they died.
Did you find the killer? Yes, it was typhoid epidemic.
Do you believe that there is a typhoid epidemic on this island, Mr.
Hoo? No such luck, Mr.
Smart.
Find that all victims had one thing in common.
A bad travel agent? No, they were all members of KAOS.
I found that they had one of these in each one of their suitcases.
A KAOS identification ring.
If all victims were KAOS agents, conclude that killer must be man with pathological hatred of KAOS.
You are such a man, Mr.
Smart.
And since you are only man on island besides myself, - you must be murderer.
- Moment, please, Mr.
Hoo.
You are forgetting one thing.
You are forgetting that when Gazzman died, he wrote the initials of his killer-- "HH.
" And I've come to the conclusion that "HH" stands for Harry Hoo.
And since you and I are the only ones left on this island, then you must be the murderer.
( both fire ) So it did work-- down to the last man.
Not quite, Mr.
Conrad.
Mr.
Hoo, your hunch was right.
Conrad never did leave the island.
You see, he knew that all of his guests were KAOS defectors.
So he had to kill Colonel Forsythe before he could arrange for their passage back to the States.
Yes, Mr.
Conrad was taken in by our little charade.
He counted on us killing one another.
He cleverly planted suspicion by leaving note marked "HH" by Mr.
Gazzman's body.
Well, to tell you the truth, Mr.
Hoo, I thought that "HH" stood for Harry Hoo.
Oh, please do not apologize, Mr.
Smart.
You also suspected Herbert Hoover.
I don't understand! I saw you shoot each other.
How is it you're not both dead? Because we took the simple precaution of loading our guns with blanks.
Ooh.
In that case, gentlemen, put your hands up.
Amazing.
( gunshot ) to see you.
Oh, Max, it's so lucky that I couldn't reach the mainland.
- I'll say it was.
- So Conrad killed Colonel Forsythe.
Yes, and a few other good people too.
It's a good thing you shot him.
- I guess I saved your life, Max.
- Not only that, 99, but now we can check out of the hotel without paying our bill.
Ah so, storm is over and another case is solved.
Do you see anything yet, Mr.
Hoo? - ( rustling ) - No, can see nothing.
with that luggage! - I'm trying, Max! - Why don't you help her, Mr.
Smart? Oh, good idea.
Here, let me take this bag, 99.
- Thanks, Max.
- You chop for a while.
Boy this vegetation really grows fast.
Any sign of boat yet, Mr.
Smart? No, but maybe we can see better when we get outside.
I think we're on the right path, Mr.
Hoo.
Here's the front desk.
( theme music playing )