Grounded For Life (2001) s02e08 Episode Script

Walt, you know, you really don't have to cook for me.
It's no trouble.
See, that's the beauty of the crock-pot.
You just toss in beans, meat, vegetables, what have you, and leave it on.
Then 24 hours a day whenever you want it, hot chili.
Well, I'm off to the gowans to baby-sit.
You got to leave so soon? I'm making chili.
Oh.
Yeah.
Thanks, grandpa, but, um, I'm a vegetarian.
That's ok.
It's just got Turkey.
Turkey's meat.
Yeah.
Well, it's not as meaty as beef.
Bye.
You got a dishrag? Yeah.
Jimmy.
Huh? Jimmy, you can't sleep on the dryer.
Oh, but it's so warm.
So is your bed.
Come on.
I can't sleep in my bed.
It's teeming with disgusting grossness, and I'm never going near it again.
What's his problem? Nothing.
Where was he sleeping this time? Dryer.
What's with the kid and the bed? Well, it was a couple of days ago, and Claudia was cleaning the boys' room.
Hey, Sean.
Sweetie, will you give me a hand with this, please? Oh.
Yeah, babe.
Thank you.
I got it.
I got it.
Thank you.
Hello.
Hi.
What are we doing? Making the bed.
Let me get this corner tucked in quickly.
I got to hold the sheet down with my foot, and Come on.
You're ruining it.
Just a minute.
Is everybody out of the house? Yeah.
Yeah, they're all gone.
Yeah? Right there, in Jimmy's bed? Yeah.
On the star wars sheets? On the digimon sheets.
So, how did Jimmy find out? Well, there was a breach in security.
What are you guys doing? Aah! Aah! I'm looking for something on your father.
Did you find anything? I've got it.
Ok, good.
Whoo! Claudia: See you later.
I can't believe the two of you performing like that in front of your 8-year-old son.
Come on, Walt.
We didn't send out invitations.
He just walked in on us.
So, did you stop? Yes, we stopped.
Why? You'd already exposed the kid to the primal scene.
The primal scene? As Freud would call it.
Oh, come on.
You expose a kid to his parents' raw sexuality, the kid doesn't know how to process what he sees, said kid goes insane.
Oh! Get out of here.
Read Freud, man.
What does Freud say about deviant parents? Quite a lot, actually.
What is deviant about a married couple having sex? You were doing it in the daytime.
Look, we got to seize the moment when we can.
We got three kids.
We don't have an awful lot of alone time.
No, we're never alone.
Man: In sports, the international basketball league was busy last night What's going on up there? Sean: Eddie, go home! Well, if you had told me you guys were doing stuff, I would've turned the TV up.
We shouldn't have to tell you when we're doing stuff in our own house.
But I'd tell you if I was doing stuff in your house.
Don't be doing stuff in our house.
But it's so quiet here during the daytime.
Change the locks.
He'd just break in.
Oh, god, dad! What stinks? It's not stink.
That's flavor.
My god.
What are you cooking, a possum? Jimmy, I got a news for you.
if you wanna sleep somewhere where your parents haven't done it, I wouldn't get too comfortable on the couch.
Sean: Eddie, come on.
And you might wanna steer clear of the la-z-boy, too, and the piano and the table and the front lawn.
All right, that's enough.
You see? This is what you get for your exhibitionist behavior.
Walt, we didn't want Henry to see what we were doing.
He just did.
It was unfortunate, but I handled it, all right? And how exactly did you handle it? Well, dad, through an honest and open discussion.
Ah, Christmas.
He was curious.
Yeah.
When you were his age, you were curious, too.
But I handled it.
I laid it out nice and straight.
Yeah, dad.
You sure did.
Sean, I'm gonna say this once and once only.
Sex is a dirty, dirty thing for very bad people.
See, that's just it.
We didn't wanna give him a complex.
What complex? That was sound advice.
And if you'd listened to me back then, you wouldn't have gotten a crib for a graduation present.
Dad, we're not gonna tell him sex is bad.
If we stigmatize it, he's gonna get all neurotic about it.
We want our kids to be raised not ashamed.
Yeah, we want them to be comfortable coming to us with their questions.
And it worked? We had a nice talk.
Henry, what you saw us doing up there, um, that was a pure and joyful expression of love between your mother and me.
Looked like a lot of work.
Well, yes, it can be strenuous.
But remember, Henry, it's, uh, truly a beautiful thing, and it's nothing to be ashamed about.
Then why did you stop? Ok, a good question.
Um, we stopped because, uh, we were saving the rest for later 'cause it's so great.
Looks like mom was winning.
Oh, well, Henry, win or lose, it's always fun to play the game.
When can I play? Well, Henry, it's like a roller coaster.
There's a height and weight requirement.
But you know what? You'll get there, buddy.
And when you do, remember, it's beautiful and natural, and it's nothing to be ashamed about.
Ok.
Ok.
All right.
Now, run in there.
Don't let your brother see that cone.
He'll get jealous.
Ok? All right.
I'm a great dad.
You told him there was nothing to be ashamed of? There's plenty to be ashamed of.
No, there's not.
Your mother, god rest her soul, would only undress alone in the bathroom in the dark With me in the garage.
Uh, well, mom was insane.
She had a healthy sense of shame.
How exactly is shame healthy? Shame gives you boundaries.
It makes people act civilized.
Animals have no shame, and look at them.
Cats are civilized.
They're always cleaning themselves.
With their tongues.
And they go right for the wahooty.
You owe me $40.
What are you talking about? You've destroyed my baby-sitting business, and I have expenses.
How am I supposed to pay my expenses? How did we destroy your baby-sitting business? Well, it turns out people are reluctant to hire a baby-sitter whose parents are the neighborhood's sex fiends.
So, now I'm not gonna make any money, and I'm never gonna have any independence.
Thank you for making me a parasite.
All right.
Here's 40 bucks.
And bus fare.
Uh, I got 3.
They usually give me a tip.
Go.
Go.
Go.
So, the whole neighborhood knows? Well, you know how Sean likes to brag about stuff.
I wasn't bragging about it.
No.
Henry was.
I found a box turtle behind my house.
I saw my parents doing it.
What was it like? It was beautiful and natural.
You can leave some of your clothes on or none of your clothes on.
But you can't have all of your clothes on.
That's the one way it just can't happen.
It looks pretty weird at first.
But my dad says it's joyful, and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
He's right, right? Well, another victory for enlightened parenting.
Oh, come on, dad.
I don't give you crap every time your son Eddie screws up.
Why you got to start slammin' on me for, man? Hi, Mr.
finnerty.
Lily! What are you doing here, Brad? Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but my parents feel that your family's a bad influence on me.
So, we can't see each other anymore.
Ok.
So, I guess we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.
We never were.
Lily, you wanna talk about it? Go away.
Lily, you got to be strong.
Ok.
Wow.
Ow! Ow! What are you doing under here? Well, I was trying to get some sleep.
Man, mom and dad really screwed you up.
Yeah.
So, what are you gonna get out of it? What do you mean? Mom and dad made me lose a baby-sitting gig today.
I got 43 bucks out of 'em.
You did? Yeah.
You got to play it up.
They were in your bed.
You've been traumatized.
They owe you big.
You know, I just wanna get some sleep.
That's good.
Keep saying that.
How'd you like a TV in your room? Tvs are really expensive.
They won't learn if it doesn't hurt.
Maybe I could get a mountain bike.
Now you're thinking.
I've been traumatized.
Man, why couldn't have that been my bed? Hey, did Henry get back from school yet? I think he's waiting for you guys upstairs to put on a matinee.
I can't believe this.
That kid is a blabbermouth.
Good people have been working very hard to keep sex education out of the schools.
And then, bam, there it is.
You want me to apologize? I don't want my kids to be ignorant and repressed.
I don't want Henry thinking sexuality is a dirty word.
What are you talking about? It is the mother of all dirty words.
All the other dirty words come from it.
I can think of one that doesn't.
Oh, no.
That links up, too.
Yeah, well, you better shut this boy up before the two of you get hauled down to the school.
Too late.
We already got called in to see the guidance counselor.
Please, call me Gary.
Ok.
Uh, so, um What's this all about, Gary? Well, Sean, Claudia, it's about Henry.
He seems to be preoccupied with sex.
Oh? Yes, Claudia.
He's been discussing it on the lunch line.
He disrupted a kickball game.
And this is what he drew in art class.
Oh.
This This doesn't mean anything.
If you turn it like this, it looks like we're dancing.
Gary, it's really no big deal.
It all happened because Henry, uh He walked in on us.
Oh.
Yeah.
You don't lock your door? Of course we do.
We were in his room.
I see.
We thought we were alone.
See, but this just happened.
And I know Henry.
It's unfortunate, but it's gonna blow over quickly.
I'm not so sure, Sean.
Henry and I have spoken, and this all seems to be a manifestation of a much larger issue.
Do you like talking to your friends? Yes.
Do you like telling your friends what grown-ups do? Yes.
Do you ever get angry when people don't listen to you? Yes.
Do you like fire? Yes.
Could you watch a fire? Yes.
Are you thinking about fire right now? Yes.
You totally led him to that.
Or did he lead me? A lot of times, children want help.
Oh, he doesn't want help.
I spoke to him for over an hour.
Well, I've spoken to him for over 8 years.
But have you ever really listened to him? Aw, come on.
Yes, I've listened.
I just had a running conversation with him for 6 months about dragonball z.
And he did most of the talking, because I know very little about dragonball z.
They have these orbs of power.
They're called dragonballs.
I know this about my son.
He's obsessive.
It's not abnormal.
It's not dangerous.
It's because he's 8.
Sean, we both want the same thing for Henry.
Oh, no, we don't.
What you wanna do is label him crazy and stifle him.
I want him to be able to talk about life and not be ashamed.
Well, Sean, most 3rd-graders don't go around describing marital relations.
Well, maybe they should.
Excuse me? Yeah, maybe more kids should talk about it, and maybe we'd all be better off if there were more parents like us who are open and honest about sex and talking about it all the time.
And I'm sure you'd like kids to be repressed and ignorant.
But that's just not the finnerty way.
You got that, Gary? Stop looking at us.
Are you gonna put that picture up on the fridge? No.
Can I have it? No.
We handled the problem.
I told the man how it is, and that's that.
Can we please just drop it? And don't lift the lid! Eddie, you let all the heat out.
You set the whole operation back an hour.
I could tell them I was so traumatized, I need therapy.
No, then you might get therapy.
Tell them you're so traumatized, you need a mountain bike.
Trying to guilt the folks, huh? Yeah.
After what they did to him, he's entitled to something.
Yeah, but why stop at a mountain bike? DVD.
You just want me to get a DVD player so you can use it.
Yeah.
You're not gonna get anything unless you take your pain and turn it into something useful.
Like rage.
Ah.
Listen.
Learn.
And remember, DVD.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you guys talking about? Mom, dad, can I talk to you for a minute? What is it, babe? You guys have traumatized me.
You have violated my space, and I will never be able to sleep in my own bed again.
Give me a mountain bike.
No.
Ok.
Ok? I should get a mountain bike for having to watch that.
Why don't you make it up to the kid? Get him a DVD player.
No! No.
No one's been traumatized.
It's no big deal, and it's over.
Henry.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Hi.
Who's this? Friends.
From my new class.
You're in a new class? Room 219.
You're in 219? Henry, when did they put you in 219? This morning.
Gary brought me.
Cool.
We're gonna go play in my room.
Come on.
Hey.
Gross.
Um, why did they put him in 219? He's not a problem kid.
Yeah, we weren't problem kids.
We just marched to a different drum.
You were in 219? I started 219.
Sean, I don't want my baby in 219.
You think I do? I became a man in 219.
Oh, god.
Hey, Lily.
What are you doing here again? I couldn't stay away.
I climbed over the fence when my dad went to the bathroom.
Well, he's probably done, so why don't you hop back over.
No.
Lily, ever since I was forbidden to hang around with you, I can't stop thinking about you.
What, am I some kind of forbidden fruit? Huh? You want me because you can't have me.
Yeah.
Well, I have news for you, Brad.
You couldn't have me before.
No.
Lily, you don't understand.
The more my dad tells me how your parents are perverted sex maniacs, the more I realize you and me were born to be together.
Can you hear what you just said? Yes! Ok, get out.
What? Get out.
Get out.
Get out.
Get out.
Call me, all right? Get We could talk about this.
Oh, my god.
Sean: Guys, party's over.
Let's go.
Come on.
Come on.
Henry, I thought you said we were gonna get to see your parents doing it.
Come on, mom.
Please.
Just once? No.
But it's beautiful and natural.
No.
Henry, your mother and I aren't gonna be doing anything in front of you and these 219s.
No offense.
Dad, why do my friends have to leave? 'Cause I got to talk to you, buddy.
Let's go.
Ok, let's go, everybody.
Class dismissed.
It's a nice tattoo.
You do that yourself? Yeah.
Cool.
Why are you so into satin? It says "Satan.
" You don't win the spelling bees, do you? What is it, dad? Well, Henry, um, do you remember that thing that, uh You remember that thing that you saw your mother and me doing in here? Yeah.
I've been talking all about it.
Ask anybody.
I know.
And the problem is, Henry, that people get upset.
Oh.
It's that because what you did was Bad? Yeah.
Oh.
No.
No.
No! No.
Some people, they're gonna say it's bad, but it's not.
So, I should tell them that? No.
Yeah.
I mean, I wish you could, 'cause I don't want you to get hang-ups about this thing, because the way my dad talked about it with me was so confusing, and I didn't want you to have the same problems.
But, Henry, the world's a confusing place, and there are some people who are so hung up about stuff that is as natural as anything could be, but they don't like it.
And so, you have to accommodate them.
And sometimes it feels like you're compromising your ideals, but you're not.
What you're doing is, you're learning how to deal with the world.
Dad.
Mm-hmm? I don't understand a word you're saying.
No? Would it be ok if I just Didn't talk about what I saw you and mom doing? Ok.
Henry, if that's how you wanna deal with it, that's fine by me.
Thanks.
Can I watch Scooby-doo? Sure.
Oh, but That thing you saw us doing, it's good.
Ok? I thought we weren't gonna talk about this anymore.
That's good.
But if you wanna know, if you're ever curious Dad.
Yeah? I really wanna watch TV.
That's right.
But I'm just saying that, you know Dad.
Please, the TV.
Scooby-doo.
Oh, right.
Right.
But, Henry, there's gonna be a time when you're gonna want Don't.
Don't what? You're thinking about putting something in there.
No, father.
I assure you, I wasn't.
I was just Thinking maybe it could use a carrot.
It doesn't need a carrot.