Growing Pains s02e08 Episode Script

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON TV.]
MAN [ON TV.]
: She was a cop looking for corruption in all the wrong places.
And she's a mother raising a boy who's begun to ask why his mom packs a .
38.
It's Undercover Mother.
MAGGIE: Kids? Hey, guys.
Ben, you know your bedtime, right? -One a.
m.
-Ben.
Okay, 9.
Hey, it was worth a shot.
Honey, terrible news.
We're going to have to miss the parents' meeting, gosh darn it.
My car won't start.
-What did you do to it? -Nothing.
Jason Seaver, you are just trying to get out of this parents' meeting because it's boring.
-You think you know me so well.
-Oh, no.
I know I know you.
I know I know you.
I know you think you know me.
I know you enough to know you think I only think I know you.
-I knew you'd say that.
-Stop! Here.
Look, just take my car.
Thanks, Mike.
You're a prince.
Yeah, I want you to remember this is a car, not a toy.
Treat it that way.
Yes, sir.
So why would you lend them your car? Well, either they gotta fill up the gas tank or they're not coming back.
Either way, I win.
I wanna watch something good.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO.]
[LOWERS VOLUME.]
I'm not crazy about spending an evening debating whether or not the school cafeteria should serve beans and weenies which by the way, I'm dead against.
But we do have a responsibility as parents.
[RAISES VOLUME.]
[TURNS OFF STEREO.]
Maggie, I'm crushed.
I'm every bit as responsible and adult as you are.
[HORN HONKS.]
Hey, chucklehead.
Blow it out your tailpipe.
Ha-ha-ha.
-Are you quite finished? -Yes.
Sure you don't wanna pull up alongside him and moon him? Come on, Maggie.
It's the middle of winter.
I know that hidden somewhere beneath that juvenile exterior is a responsible person.
Thank you.
-Wanna steer? -Jason.
Come on, relax.
We're gonna make it to the meeting and then-- Oh, wow.
What? That movie theatre there.
They are playing A Man and A Woman.
-Oh, what a wonderful old movie.
-Mm-hm.
-Remember when we saw it the first time? -Of course I do.
It was our first date.
No, it was our second date.
On the first date I picked you up at the women's lib rally.
No, no, no.
You didn't pick me up.
I picked you up.
Ha-ha-ha! -Yeah.
-Oh, Jason.
Let's go see it.
What about the meeting? We could put in a token appearance and then duck out.
Boy, I don't know.
[HUMMING "UN HOMME ET UNE FEMME".]
We have our responsibilities.
You were just convincing me a minute ago that we should probably.
[BOTH HUMMING.]
[CHATTERING.]
All right.
All right, already.
Enough with the freaking talk.
Let's call for a vote.
All those in favor signify by saying aye.
Aye.
-Anybody opposed? -No.
Ayes have it.
Motion is carried.
Beans and weenies it is.
Salvatore Babotz, you're trying to railroad this through because you've got the school weenie contract.
Put a cork in it, Yvonne, huh? YVONNE: Roll call, roll call.
PARENTS: Roll call, roll call.
[JASON CHUCKLING.]
The movie starts in 15 minutes.
Wait now, don't attract attention.
-I'll sneak out.
Follow me in a minute.
-Why do you get to leave first? -Well, you wanna put it to a vote? -No.
You go, I'll be the adult.
-You sneak out.
-Okay.
Yvonne, we've wasted enough time on this.
Besides, you don't even have a kid in this school.
Oh, sure, bring that up again.
All right.
Next item on the agenda is whether we should establish a dress code for our little monkeys here at Dewey High.
Anybody have anything to say? Anybody have anything intelligent to say? Yo, Doc.
-Go ahead.
-Pardon me? Say what you wanna say about this dress code deal.
Oh, well, actually I was just going to say that I don't think the dress code is the school's business.
I think the children and their parents together should decide what's proper and why do we wanna to stifle that communication? Whoa.
You actually want your teenage kids to communicate with you? Yes, Mr.
Hicks, yes.
I wanna know exactly what's on their minds.
I couldn't live like that.
Are we saying that we as parents we don't want to be involved in the shaping of our kids' ideas and their goals, ambitions? You haven't met my little Newton.
[GRUNTS.]
Well, if that's how you feel, Braxton, then why stop at a dress code? Why not have full military uniforms, we'll give them all little burr haircuts.
Is that a motion, Doc? No, no, no.
Who here understands what I'm trying to say? -Oh, I do, I do.
-Come on.
You're saying that we should let the kids discover -who they're going to be.
-Yes.
And if that means they're going to rebel a little bit, so what? Exactly.
If that means they're going to be putting safety pins in their ears, fine.
No, I wasn't gonna go that far-- Bringing small-caliber pistols to school? No problem.
Because that's what they're going to be doing if we keep on serving them beans and weenies.
Just a moment here.
Thanks, Yvonne.
-Psst! What's going on? -Maggie.
Excuse me.
I'm just trying to make a point here.
-I thought were trying to make a movie.
-We will.
Just-- You know my wife, lovely, respected journalist, Maggie.
Why don't you tell these people how you would feel if they imposed a dress code at Dewey High.
Oh, I'd love it.
[JASON CHUCKLING.]
You would hate a dress code.
Jason, I don't wanna argue about this.
Neither do I, just help me out here.
Tell the people that a dress code is wrong.
It's wrong.
I don't think it is.
PARENTS: Ooh.
Wait, wait, Maggie didn't have the benefit of my opening remarks here because I know you and I know you'd agree.
Well, Jason, I know myself and I don't agree.
PARENTS: Ohh! You can't side with these people when they're on a-- Because it's a ridiculous thing.
It's ridiculous.
-But it makes sense.
-Well, not to any thinking person.
[PARENTS CLAMORING.]
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, okay, okay, Jason, okay.
So how does a thinking person suggest we teach our kids respect for the learning process and help them build character? MAN: All right.
HICKS: Yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, hey.
Clothes do not build character.
Ha! Talk to Don Johnson.
-I don't wanna talk to Don Johnson.
-Well, maybe I do.
So would I.
Okay.
Maggie, think, please.
Think.
You are a liberal humanist.
No, Jason, you are.
And you are always getting us confused.
I know that Maggie, once she's had a chance to think about this you will realize-- Wait a minute.
Are you implying that because I disagree with you, I'm not thinking? No, I'm just saying you're a little distracted.
-Distracted? -Yes, you-- She came in here tonight with nothing on her mind other than sneaking out to some stupid movie.
Well, whose idea was the stupid movie in the first place? No, I just mentioned it was playing.
Oh, sure, with that come-hither look in your eyes.
-Is this a come-hither look? -Not to me.
And who was humming: [HUMMING "UN HOMME ET UNE FEMME".]
What's the name of that movie? -Oh, forget the movie, please.
-Fine, fine, you brought it up.
Exactly.
[PARENTS CLAMORING.]
Listen, this is far too important an issue for us to decide about it without using reason instead of ignorance.
HICKS: Ignorance? Wait, wait, wait.
Ignorance, there's a very interesting word.
If you know the meaning of-- If you look up in your dictionaries you would see that ignorant doesn't mean dumb, for instance.
Ignorant means uninformed.
Well, here, my wife, Maggie, who is certainly not dumb.
A very bright woman, but-- Well, ignorant.
In this case.
In this case.
In one case.
Just this one.
An isolated incident.
Not always, not always.
Boy, I am hungry.
Are you hungry? I'm hungry.
Shall we stop and eat? Hm? What do you feel like? I feel like dirt.
Oh, well, let's go to the International House of Dirt.
Ha-ha-ha.
Well, I have a better idea.
Why don't we just pull in here and see if they have a midnight showing of A Man and A Woman? Hm? I'll check with the cashier.
You just keep smiling.
[HUMMING "UN HOMME ET UNE FEMME".]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
JASON: Maggie.
Maggie.
Maggie! Hey, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit? It's a two-strike count.
Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded.
But Marvelous Mike, the fiery right-hander, doesn't worry as he eyes the crowd.
He checks the signals takes a deep breath, reaches for the rosin bag, spits.
Will you just pitch the stupid ball? [GAME BEEPS.]
I just did.
Strike three, two outs.
[BEN YELLS.]
-Ben? -I'm down to my last man.
-Ben.
-What? [GAME BEEPS.]
-Strike one.
-Hey.
You were supposed to be in bed by 9:00.
I was.
Nobody said anything about having to stay there.
Carol, would you just leave my buddy Ben alone? He and I are trying to get exercise before we turn in.
-Yeah.
-So why don't you just--? [GAME BEEPS.]
-Strike two.
-I hate you.
Fine, fine, fine.
You guys do what you want.
I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes when Mom and Dad walk through that door and see how openly you disobeyed them.
Where were we? Oh, yeah, a good clean game of baseball.
Wait a minute.
My controller's not working.
[GAME BEEPS.]
[GAME PLAYING MUSIC.]
Out of the park.
Grand slam home run, I win.
Why, you little.
BEN: Uh-oh.
Mom, hi.
Look, Ben, this is the last time I'm gonna tell you, go to bed.
Mom, I can explain.
Good night, boys.
See you in the morning.
This could be a trick.
-Mom, where's Dad? -Who? Tall guy, nice smile, looks like a talk show host? Oh, him.
He's at the movies.
-Fight.
-Fight.
Hi, boys.
Mother home yet? Blonde woman, looks like Donna DeVarona? -Yeah, that's her.
-Upstairs.
Great.
That's great.
Okay, good night, boys.
Wow, he didn't send me to bed either.
What do you say we go for a double-header? No, I think I'll turn in.
[GAME BEEPS.]
-Strike one.
-Hey.
Taxi.
Oh.
Maggie, anger is not something that should be left inside to seethe and fester.
Jason, you make our marriage sound like a boil that needs lancing.
Okay, that's good.
Come on, go with that.
I'd rather not talk about this right now because I might say or do something that I'd regret.
What, like leaving me stranded outside the Mighty Fine Arts Cinema? No, I said something that I'd regret.
All right, look, I am sorry that I was rude.
I admit that I was thoughtless.
I admit I got a little carried away.
Oh, honey, it's okay.
Because I know how frustrating it must be to deal with someone as ignorant as I am.
-Maggie-- -Ignorance is such a terrible burden.
I explained I was using the term "ignorant" in its classic sense.
I know you can't be this upset over the word ignor-- Over that word.
I know that you're sublimating.
Tell me what you're sublimating.
Sublimating? Well, I'll tell you what I'm sublimating.
I am sublimating at this very instant, a sincere desire to tell you exactly what I feel about psychiatric terms like "sublimating.
" All right, I won't use psychiatric terms.
Just tell me what's got you so upset.
-You really don't know, do you? -Well, not precisely, no.
I am stunned that you don't know, Jason since I don't have a thought in my head that you haven't put there.
That's what I thought.
No, no, no.
That's not what I thought.
I'll tell you what I thought.
I thought you meant it when you said the best thing about our marriage was the fact that we're both individuals with ideas, ambitions and identities.
-Well, you know I do.
-I know you did.
Until tonight, I heard you blurt out how you really feel.
I didn't blurt.
So you thought about it before you said it? I was-- I always have a-- You've taken a word out of context and you've blown it out of all proportion.
There I go, showing my classic ignorance again.
Come on, you know as well as I do I love the fact that you have your own ideas, you have your own identity.
I don't even mind a little disagreement, Maggie, I thrive on it.
Well, Jason, you're in for some real fun.
-Okay, now, I'm getting angry.
-Go with that.
-Maggie.
-Don't sublimate.
You're so upset because this one silly, stupid little remark that accidentally blurted out.
Ah! So you admit that you blurted.
Oh, are we back to that again? Jason, you are the psychiatrist and I'm surprised that you don't know when a person blurts out something it is usually how they really feel.
-Nuts.
-See? You know, I don't see any point in continuing this.
Do you see any point in continuing this? No, I don't.
I think that the way you're acting tonight, I don't even know you.
-Well, that's exactly how I feel.
-Oh, well, blurt, blurt.
Ben, I cannot sit here and watch you eat that for breakfast.
So close your eyes.
Do you guys have any idea what's going on? -You are not gonna believe this.
-Mom and Dad are fighting.
How did you know? Well, first, Dad slept on the couch.
Second, he didn't just dress up to go jogging, he actually went.
Not only that, Mom actually said we should get our own breakfast.
Well, we've gotta do something about this.
Why? Mike, this is Mom and Dad we're talking about.
I mean, at their age, somebody has to look out for them.
True.
I think we should clear this thing up before Ben becomes a total porker.
Hey, I'm making the best out of a bad situation.
I know what would work.
They couldn't be mad at each other if one of their kids were in trouble.
No, no, no.
Carol, I'm always in trouble.
No, no, no, I mean like.
Hurt.
Forget it.
Wait.
Oh, I got it, I got it.
Oh, this is great.
So simple, so perfect, so right.
You know, sometimes my brain frightens me.
Now, get this.
I'm gonna send Mom a huge bouquet and a wimpy apology from Dad.
That's your idea? -Yeah.
-Mike, it'll never work.
Well, it did on The Cosby Show.
That's TV.
This is real life.
Hold it.
You're saying The Cosby Show isn't real? Well, Mike, how do you know it's Dad who should apologize to Mom? Well, Carol, whenever a man and a woman fight every guy on the planet knows who has to apologize.
[HAIR DRYER HUMMING.]
Honey? Honey.
Honey.
MAGGIE: What? Well, I was wondering if maybe I could just have a word with you before you went to work.
I'm running kind of late this morning.
I'm interviewing Governor Cuomo.
How about tonight? Well, I was hoping we could, you know, talk just before you left because I've been thinking about the way things sometimes get out of hand and events gain a momentum of their own.
And then we end up saying things we don't mean.
-I know-- -Gotta go.
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, hold on a second.
I can't.
My interview's in half an hour.
-Don't you think you should dress for it? -Jason, I don't need a fashion critique.
I hardly slept last night and I'm not thinking clearly this morning.
Well, this is beyond fashion.
If you approach the governor like that his bodyguards are gonna wrestle you to the ground.
So, what do you wear when you interview the governor? I'm just saying this is a respected public official.
This is Mario Cuomo, not Bozo Cuomo.
So clothing has something to do with character? Of course.
No.
No, no, come on.
I-- No, too late, Jason.
You said it.
You feel the same way I do.
-I don't.
-You do.
I don't.
Just because you feel one way doesn't mean I have to feel the same way.
Exactly.
That's exactly the point I've been trying to make.
But you tricked me.
Honey, I wouldn't have stooped so low if I didn't love you.
So I deserve to be tricked? I guess I do.
I'm really sorry about what I said last night.
Honey, you embarrassed me in front of all those people.
I'm sorry.
I was ignorant.
But just for the record I still don't believe in dress codes at school.
And just for the record, I'm still for them.
-So we can either debate about it, or we-- -Kiss.
Kiss.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Excuse me.
Dr.
Jason Seaver? [JASON CHUCKLES.]
-Oh, honey, you shouldn't have.
-It's my job.
"Jason, I love you, even when you think you don't agree with me.
Love, Maggie.
" Oh, honey, that's so sweet.
-I just thought that after-- -I wish I had been-- DELIVERYMAN: Ahem.
More flowers.
These are for Maggie Seaver.
And, hey, just seeing people like you is tip enough for me.
Yeah.
-Jason, how sweet.
-Well, I-- "Maggie, dearest.
How could I have been so wrong? I'm a complete wimp.
Love, Jason.
" Oh, honey, don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself? No.