Hey Arnold! (1996) s02e08 Episode Script

1
MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
(YOWLING)
(BARKING)
Hey, Arnold!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMS)
Hey, Arnold!
Arnold.
Arnold.
(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
Arnold.
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
Cluck, cluck, cluck.
Pancakes.
Pancakes and Halibut.
Cluck, cluck.
Pancakes and Halibut.
SID: I told you, Arnold,
they actually served
pancakes and halibut together.
Yeah, it's a pretty weird
combination.
Especially the way they put
boysenberry syrup all over.
Soon as I save up enough money
I'm gonna buy a plate of 'em,
and bring them
to show and tell.
Sid, look out!
(SID SCREAMING)
SID: Wow.
Are you all right?
Yeah, but, that Mr. Chicken
would have fallen right
on top of me.
I could've been killed.
I don't think
it would have killed you.
Maybe a bump on the head.
But it's only cheap plywood.
No, Arnold. You saved my life.
How can I ever thank you?
Sid
Don't worry, Arnold.
I'll find the perfect way.
Nothing is too good
for the guy who saved my life.
Well, another round,
short man.
No thanks, Grandpa.
I couldn't eat another bite.
I'll take them, Grandpa.
You already had
three helpings,
you no-good chiseler.
And don't call me Grandpa!
(BLOW LANDING)
(MAN GROANS) Oh,
you hurt my hand.
I'm going to sue you.
(CATS SCREECHING)
(CATS SCREECHING)
Good morning, Arnold.
Did you sleep well?
Hi, Sid.
What are you doing?
I made you breakfast.
That's nice of you,
but I already
Oh, go on, eat up.
You need your strength.
Sid, why did you
make me breakfast?
I was up late last night
thinking about how
you saved my life and all.
I didn't really save
your life.
And it came to me.
The only way
to really thank you
is for me to dedicate
my life to you.
To do everything I can
to make you
comfortable and happy.
From on, Arnold,
wherever you go
I go as your faithful
and eternally grateful
servant and friend.
It was no big deal.
It's the least I can do.
Nothing's too good
for the guy who saved my life.
Come on, now.
Here comes
the choo choo train.
Choo choo!
Choo choo!
Sid, I
Good, huh?
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
Where would you
like to sit, Arnold?
I don't know, Sid.
It really doesn't matter.
Where is your
favorite place to sit?
Well, I usually like to sit
by the window.
But it really doesn't matter.
There aren't any
window seats left.
But don't worry.
You, you're gonna have
to move so my friend
can sit by the window.
You're talking to me?
(WHISPERS) Sid,
what are you doing?
Let me take care of this.
That's right.
I'm talking to you, bubba.
Now move your can, pronto.
My friend doesn't like
to wait.
Right this way, Arnold.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
There you go, Arnold.
Did I mention
you really don't
have to do this?
Of course, I do, Arnold.
You saved my life.
(SIGHS)
All right. Who can
tell me the year
in which Columbus
discovered America?
Sid.
Columbus discovered America
in 1492, July 29th.
Although,
there is some debate
as to the exact date.
Very good, Sid!
I'm impressed.
Thank you,
but I don't deserve credit.
No. The credit belongs
to my dear friend,
Arnold
(SNIFFLES) The guy
who saved my life.
(SOBBING)
A peanut butter and jelly
and banana sandwich,
just how you like it.
And I even cut off
the crusts.
For the last time,
you really shouldn't
be doing this.
Oh, I almost forgot.
You need a nice cold milk.
I'll be right back.
Gerald, I got to talk to you.
Meet me after lunch
in the bathroom.
The bathroom?
It's the only place I know
he won't follow me.
Uh, Sid,
I'll be right out.
I just got to use
the bathroom.
Oh, wonderful.
I'll come in with you
in case you need someone
to hand you towels
or offer some grooming tips.
Really, Sid,
this is something
I got to do alone.
Ah, gotcha.
I'll be right outside
if you need me.
Just holler.
He made me
breakfast and lunch.
He got me a special seat
on the bus.
He's even offering
to do my homework.
So what's the problem?
He's driving me crazy.
I got to get him to stop.
Sounds like a good deal to me.
But if you really want
to get him to stop,
you sit him down
and in a real plain language
just lay down the law.
Tell him that you want him
to stop and that's that.
Just tell him?
Sid's a bright kid.
He'll understand.
Yeah, just tell him.
ARNOLD: Sid, there's something
I had to talk to you about.
And it's real important, so
Do you want some more
chocolate sprinkles?
A what?
No, I don't want any more
chocolate sprinkles.
I want to talk to you about
'Cause it looks like
you need some more
in your frozen yogurt.
You have a lot on one side.
But the other side
looks kind of uneven.
Let me do it for you.
I want it uneven, okay?
Now, look,
you know how you think
I saved your life?
Is the light from the window
in your eyes, Arnold?
No, it's fine.
Because I could
switch seats with you.
It's fine, Sid.
All right. But if you want
to switch just tell me.
Remember,
anything you want.
All you have to do is ask.
Well, as a matter of fact,
Sid, there is something
I want.
Sure, Arnold.
I want you to listen carefully
and understand what
I'm saying.
You got it.
I'm all ears.
Good. Now once and for all
even though you think
I saved your life,
it really wasn't a big deal.
But you did save my
Please, Sid, let me finish.
Even though I really
appreciate all things
you've been doing for me,
the truth is,
I would really like
you to stop.
I understand, Arnold.
So, no more making me lunches,
or dusting off my desk,
or opening doors,
or holding down the button
on the water fountain
for me, okay?
Sure, Arnold,
anything you say.
So we have
an understanding, right?
Absolutely.
Good.
(STEAM HISSING)
(YAWNING)
Huh?
Sid?
Oh, good morning, Arnold.
Hope I didn't wake you.
Sid, what are you doing here?
I just finished ironing
your school clothes,
your breakfast is on
the night stand,
and I polished your shoes.
They're over there
by the door.
Sid, what about
our talk yesterday?
I thought we had
an understanding.
Oh, I know you didn't
mean all that stuff.
You were just saying it
to make me feel like
I didn't have to do it.
What a guy.
Hey, Grandpa?
I got a question.
Let me guess,
you saved your friend's life,
and he decided
to make it up to you
by being your slave.
Uh, yeah.
But you didn't really want him
to do anything for you.
Right.
And then he follows you
around, opening doors,
making your breakfast,
and never giving you
a minute's peace!
Exactly! How would you
know all this?
Exact same thing
happened to me
when I was a kid.
Jimmy Kafka,
he was so mad at me,
we never talked again
till high school.
So what should I do?
Here's what you do.
Take this mop,
mop the floor.
See ya.
Oh, no. I forgot the mustard.
I'll be right back.
What's going on?
I thought you talked to him
and set him straight.
Sure, I talked to him
and I thought we had
an understanding.
But you just can't
get through to the guy.
What are you going to do?
I'm doing the only thing
that I can do,
I'm giving in.
Giving in?
That's right.
If Sid wants to follow me
around and dedicate
his life to me,
I might as well
just get used to it.
What choice do I have?
Here's the mustard, Arnold.
Sorry it took so long.
Thanks, Sid.
(WHISPERS) Gerald,
he saved my life,
you know?
(WHIRRING)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
(INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION)
Where to today, Arnold?
I don't know, Sid.
Once around the park
I guess.
Once around the park it is.
SID: How is your
frozen yogurt?
Fine.
Just fine.
Arnold, there's something
I need to talk to you about.
Sure, Sid,
whatever you say.
You know how over
the past couple of weeks
I've been doing everything
for you and all?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, the thing is
I know you kind of saved
my life and I promised
to dedicate myself to you,
but over the past
couple of weeks
I can't help feeling like
you're taking advantage of me.
The truth is, Arnold,
it was a nice thing to do,
but it wasn't really
that big of a deal.
But that's exactly
what I said to you
in the beginning.
But to think a guy
as nice and as smart as you
wouldn't take advantage
of a friend but I guess
I was wrong.
Arnold,
our friendship is over.
But, Sid
Forget it, Arnold.
I can't keep helping you,
waiting on your
every beck and call.
I mean, I have a life, too,
you know.
(SOBBING)
Sid, wait.
(SIGHS)
Hey, Sid.
How you doing?
Fine.
Can I sit here?
Yeah, I guess.
As long as you're not
expecting me to put mustard
on your hot dog or anything.
No, no.
I can do that myself.
Hey, I got you something.
Here.
Wow! Boy howdy,
I can't believe it!
A gift certificate
to Mr. Chicken's House
of Pancakes and Halibut.
Arnold, this is very generous.
It's not much.
I just want you to know
that I didn't mean
to take advantage of you.
No, it was my fault, Arnold.
I got carried away.
But, I'll make it up to you.
No, don't!
But there is one thing
you can do for me, Sid.
What's that?
Tell me we're even.
Okay. We're even.
Oh, Sid, could you
pass the mustard?
SID: Get your own mustard.
(SID LAUGHING)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
Man, what a day.
Tell me about it.
Five days a week,
nine months in a row.
Man, Arnold,
what a crime!
You know, sometimes
I wish we could just
take the day off.
Grown ups take a day off.
Why can't we?
My sentiments exactly.
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe we can.
Sure, Gerald.
We just tell Principal Wartz
we decided to take
the day off.
He'll understand.
We don't have to tell him
what we're doing.
We'll just do it.
Gerald, are you talking
about playing hooky?
I wouldn't
use that word.
But, yeah.
We can't.
Why not?
Lots of kids do it.
Like who?
Like Smedvick.
Remember Smedvick?
Uh Gerald?
Smedvick's in Juvenile Hall.
What's your point?
Forget it, Gerald.
We can't play hooky.
Just think.
No math,
no spelling tests,
we could do anything
we want all day,
play video games,
play catch in the park
We could even go
to Dinoland.
Dinoland.
There wouldn't be any lines
on a week day.
Everybody deserves a day off.
You said it yourself.
Well, I did say that,
didn't I?
Come on, Arnold!
Well
Okay.
Just this once
we'll play hooky.
Did I hear someone say hooky?
Uh, no, we didn't say hooky.
We said, uh
Hockey.
Yeah, hockey.
We're just crazy about hockey.
Oh, hockey.
Well, that's different.
Good healthy sport.
Used to play myself.
Could've gone pro
except for my darn toe.
Lost it in
a thresher accident.
(BOTH SIGH)
Okay, the coast is clear.
Make the call.
(DIAL TONE RINGING)
What if they don't believe me?
Uh, hello.
I mean, I mean
(COUGHING)
(MIMICKING GRANDPA)
Uh, yes, Principal Wartz?
This is Arnold's grandpa.
Just so you know,
young Arnold
will be out today.
Got a touch of malaria.
Ooh, not to worry, though.
What don't kill you
makes you stronger,
I always say.
I'd talk to you more
but I ate Mexican
for breakfast. Gotta go!
Arnold, I am moved
by your greatness.
It's no big deal.
I've been hanging around
Grandpa so long,
I just kind of picked it up.
So, how did you get out?
Easy.
See, I know where my dad
keeps a bunch of excuses
already written up inside
with blank spots
for the name of the kid
and the body part that hurts.
I just wrote in Gerald,
my leg and presto,
instant freedom.
Gerald, this is going to
be the greatest day
we've ever had.
Dinoland,
the scariest place on earth.
I hear they've got
an ambulance waiting for you
at the end of each ride.
Everyone's at school.
We've got the place
to ourselves.
I don't why I didn't think
of this before.
Hey, it was my idea.
You never would have done it
if I hadn't come with you.
All right, let's not argue.
Let's just enjoy.
Come on.
(RATTLING)
(LOUD SCREAMS)
One more time?
Let's get in line.
What line?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Hey, Arnold, doesn't that guy
look like
Like Farcus?
Farcus, the school janitor?
Yeah.
Hey, that is Farcus.
He must be on vacation
or something.
GERALD: Arnold, if he sees us,
he'll know we're playing
hooky.
Do you think he'll tell
Principal Wartz?
Are you kidding?
Farcus and Wartz
are like this.
Plus, he's
a well-known snitch.
He's the one
who sent Smedvick off.
We better get out
of his sight fast.
Look, with Farcus here,
it's way too dangerous
We better blow this pop stand.
You're right.
There's plenty of
other stuff we can do.
Brilliant idea, Arnold!
Thanks, Gerald.
We got hot dogs,
cold drinks,
front row seats.
All we gotta do is kick back
and enjoy the game.
ARNOLD: This is
definitely better than school.
You got that right.
I bet we're
the only kids here.
Hey, Gerald, they show
highlights of all
the games in the news, right?
Every night.
Well, what if we show up
on the highlight?
And what if somebody sees us?
Arnold, that is crazy.
Is it? You said it yourself,
we're the only kids here.
And your point is?
What do the news cameras
look for
when they want
a shot of the crowd
enjoying the game?
Happy people?
Kids. Kids like us
enjoying the game.
Arnold, listen to me
carefully.
You're my friend
and I care about you,
but you're talking crazy.
There must be over
20,000 people here.
What are the chances
you and I are going
to show up on TV?
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
there must be over 20,000
delirious fans out here today
enjoying the game.
See?
ANNOUNCER: And nobody
more than these two
youngsters upfront.
Look at those fresh
young faces.
So dedicated,
they actually came out
on a school day.
Just a reminder,
you can catch this
and all the replays tonight
Hi, Mom!
ANNOUNCER:
the most viewed channel,
frankly the only channel
worth watching in town
of course, KBTN.
Okay, I see your point.
Man, I never realized
playing the hooky
was so complicated.
Yeah, it's a lot harder
than I thought.
Well, what do we do now?
Whatever we do,
we got to go some place safe.
Some place nobody can see us.
GERALD: Well, we haven't
seen this one.
Buddy Love Goes Coconuts.
Perfect! It's dark,
it's safe,
and it's more fun
than wasting the day
in school.
ARNOLD: Right.
So remember, kids,
stay in school.
An education is
a terrible thing to waste.
(ECHOING) To waste. To waste.
It's just a coincidence.
Right.
This is more like it.
Yep. Just you, me
and Buddy Love
Goes Coconuts.
Down in front, Grandpa.
I can't see the screen.
Shush! Oh, simmer down,
will you?
You chiseling freeloader.
I bought the popcorn,
didn't I?
I told you
I pay you back.
Oh, you will not
because you're a liar
and a con artist.
No, I'm not
and that's the last time
I let you pay for me
to go to the movies.
This can't be happening.
Aw, man,
don't they have jobs?
No, Grandpa's retired
and Oskar's
Well, he lives off his wife.
Now what?
If we stay,
they'll see us for sure.
We better just
sneak out of here.
Oh, look, it's Buddy Love
and he's going coconuts!
(LAUGHING)
Ooh, that was close.
This is terrible!
Everywhere we go
somebody sees us.
Everybody knows us.
We're surrounded.
As long as we're
Arnold and Gerald,
walking around on a school day
we're sitting ducks.
Hey. Wait a minute,
I got an idea.
GERALD: Great idea, Arnold.
These disguises,
nobody will recognize us.
We'd be like
free men in Paris,
Unfettered and alive.
Huh?
I heard it on a hippie record.
Man, Arnold, this is the life.
Not going to school,
drinking Yahoo Sodas,
wearing beards.
It took a while,
but I think we
finally got the hang
of this hooky thing.
Yep. Nothing can go wrong now.
Yep. That's them.
Huffnagel and Keschleffsky,
the Yahoo Soda bandits.
Let's roll.
That was one excellent
Yahoo Soda.
Yep. You know
Yahoo Soda tastes even better
when you're wearing a beard.
All right,
this is the police.
Put your hands up.
Don't make
any sudden movements.
We're sorry.
We didn't mean to.
Yeah, sure.
This time we caught you
red-handed.
GERALD: Sir, we didn't
do anything. I promise.
I swear.
You can explain it all
at the station.
Station?
That's right.
You're going downtown.
I wish we had
never played hooky.
I don't know why
I let you talk me into this.
Me? It was your idea.
I was just talking crazy.
You're the one
who said, "Let's do it."
Only because you
talked me into it.
Okay, okay,
it was both of our faults.
If we ever get out of here,
all I want to do
is run back to school
and confess everything.
Yeah. We'll just tell
Principal Wartz
we played hooky,
and we're sorry
and we'll never do it again.
Throw ourselves
on his mercy.
Yeah, if we ever
get out of here.
OFFICER: Okay, you two
are free to go.
Huh?
We caught the real bad guys.
Now, if you could just sign
this release form.
Just stay out of trouble.
Okay, let's just
run back to school,
confess,
and get this over with.
Right.
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
Look, fellas,
I won me a hat.
What are you
talking about, Stinky?
Oh, that's right.
You guys were sick today.
Too bad.
On account of we had
a surprise carnival day
at school.
BOTH: Surprise carnival day!
I got me an electric tie.
See?
Too bad,
you fellas were sick.
Well, see ya.
So let me get this straight.
We wanted to take
a day off from school
and have a good time.
So we played hooky
and had a miserable time.
And if we just went to school
in the first place like
we're supposed to,
we would've gotten
the day off anyway
and had a great time.
Yep. That's about
the size of it.
So is there a moral to this?
Yeah, stay in school and pray
that it's carnival day.
It's not much of
a moral, is it?
How about,
don't wear fake beards
or you'll get arrested?
ARNOLD: No, that's no good.
GERALD: Stay away
from Buddy Love movies?
ARNOLD: Hmm. Closer,
but that's not it, either.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)