I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e08 Episode Script

Welcome to Rumblejuice.
You're secret service, right? - No, ma'am.
- You can tell me.
I was in the Coast Guard.
Again, not secret service.
Got it.
Not allowed to say.
No worries.
Secret service secret safe with me.
They have berry delight, orange surprise, cherry cheesecake and banana nut! One last question.
The person you're talking to, does his last name rhyme with Olama? Chester! What is taking so long? I've been waiting almost 30 seconds.
I'm sorry, sir.
It was a simple assignment.
You go into the smoothie store, and smoothie me.
- Have I been smoothied? - No, sir.
Then I guess I'll have to say it again.
Smoothie me!! Who is that blonde vision? Chester, present me.
May I present Stevie Moops Jr.
Son of Steven Moops Sr.
, the fourth-richest man in America, and inventor of the world's teeniest, tiniest, itty-bitty microchip.
It's in everything from your computer to your phone It's even in your belt.
Actually, they're still working on that.
- Why are you correcting me? - I'm sorry, sir, it's He's a charmer.
Mr.
Moops Jr.
would like to make your acquaintance.
Jasmine, present me.
Allow me to present Lindy Watson, the fourth-richest person in this conversation.
I'm also the sister of Logan Watson, the inventor of the eyes-open class nap.
Lindy.
What a beautiful name.
Remind me to name one of my boats the Lindy.
Which one, sir? Paint over the one that has my mom's name on it.
Bold choice, sir.
Well, it was nice meeting you.
Good luck with your teeny-tiny chip.
My friend's not really impressed by money and material things.
But I am.
My name's Jasmine.
Fine, but I'm interested in Lindy.
Well, I don't think she's interested in you.
If I had a million dollars for every time I've heard that oh, wait, I do.
Again, my name's Jasmine.
It would look great on a boat.
Just throwing it out there.
Lindy Watson.
She will be mine.
Chester, I'm tired of walking.
Chair me.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, deels.
So I was taking a stroll earlier, minding my own business, when I saw a car stopped at a light, and who's driving that car? Why, it's my good pal Garrett.
It wasn't me.
You know I don't have my license yet.
See, that's what you keep telling us, but this picture begs to differ.
- Picture? - Picture, evidence, call it what you want.
See, here's you at the light, singing along to "girls just wanna have fun.
" Awkward.
I don't even know that song.
Actually, I got your big finish on video.
You know, where you go crazy with the jazz hands.
Is there something you wanna tell me? Okay, it's true.
I have my license.
Why are you keeping it a secret? - This is a good thing.
- Not for me, especially 'cause I'm the only one of us who has a driver's license.
I don't get it.
Now that I can drive, you guys will want me to give you rides all the time, and if I don't, you'll get mad at me.
Oh, sad gar bear.
My least favorite gar bear.
Can we keep this between us? Of course we can.
It'll be our little secret.
Thanks, deels.
Oh, there's my happy gar bear.
Oh, I'm supposed to go to my Nana's tomorrow.
It usually takes, like, four trains, so is there any way you could possibly give me a ride? - Sure.
I can do that.
- You're the best.
Hi, mom.
No, I don't know where your weightlifting belt is.
I see what you're doing there.
- I'm not doing anything.
- Yes, you are.
You're taking advantage of Garrett.
Don't do that.
That's my thing.
I am not taking advantage of him.
Then how do you explain the evil smile? That was not an evil smile.
That was my regular smile.
See.
That's not the same smile you were doing.
Don't go changin' smiles on me.
Betty hates a smile changer.
- Betty hates a lot of stuff.
- Just an observation.
I know an evil smile when I see one.
Betty invented the evil smile.
Whoa.
A chill went down my spine.
That was nothin'.
If I put any effort into it, you'd be runnin' home to change your pants.
Why are you listening to opera? I'm not.
I thought you were.
- And I thought you were.
- And I thought you were.
- And I thought you were.
- Well, this is officially the weirdest conversation I've ever had.
Think it's coming from the backyard.
What the what?! Mr.
Moops Jr.
has something he'd like to ask.
And to accompany him, the world-renowned four tenors.
Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever heard? Zip it.
It's time for me to talk.
Gentlemen, take five.
There's ravioli in the van.
Okay, what's the question? It's up there.
They're writing something in fireworks.
Ooh! Aah! Pretty! "Lindy, will you go out with me?" Wow, every letter of my name is a different color.
That's amazing.
But no.
No? That doesn't sound like yes.
I'm sorry you had to hear that, sir.
Look, Stevie, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you are a little too young for me.
And then there's that.
Who cares how old he is? He's got fat guys that sing, he writes stuff with fireworks.
I'll go out with you.
Lindy, say yes, and I'll give you the world.
You wouldn't have to give me the world.
I'd settle for America and part of Florida.
Stevie, look, I'm flattered, but I think we're done here.
Now get off our lawn.
You don't know me.
This isn't over yet.
I'll turn on the sprinklers.
Okay, now it's over.
Thank you both for coming.
Mr.
Moops will be with you shortly.
Look at this place.
I would love to live here.
Can I live here? Is it true there's a gold toilet? - Solid gold.
- I don't care what number it is.
When I go, I'm totally sitting down.
Wow.
You know the saying "money can't buy happiness"? Maybe it can't, but it sure can buy you some sweet stuff.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I was feeding the dodo bird.
Aren't those extinct? Shh.
I was thinking about ordering a pizza.
Interested? Sure.
I love pizza.
Chicago style or New York style? Prepare the plane.
- I like Chicago style.
- Me, too.
Cancel the plane.
This is for you.
- To ride? - To keep.
What?! No way.
Oh, yes.
My walking days are over.
Good-bye, useless legs.
Wait a second.
Are you bribing me so I'll convince my sister to go out with you? - Is that a problem? - Not at all.
Just wanna make sure we're on the same page.
I just think, if she gave me a chance Where is the stinkin' pizza? she'll find out I'm not a bad guy at all.
Take a tour.
If you get lost, that thing has a GPS.
Take me to gold toilet.
Travel time, five minutes.
This is the best day ever.
Look, Stevie, bribes might work on Logan, but I'm not gonna sell out my best friend for some fancy toy.
- How about a fancy dress? - What's that now? We're ready for you.
You're Luis San Luis.
The world famous fashion designer.
He's going to make a haute couture dress just for you.
- I still don't think - With matching shoes.
Matching shoes.
My achilles heel.
Chester, she's on board.
Do my evil laugh.
Bwa-ha-ha-ha! When you asked me if I liked the '80s station, I didn't realize you meant the 1880's.
There's a satellite channel for everything now.
Hey, thanks for driving me to my Nana's today, and for hanging out with us.
Oh, no problem.
I love looking at hundreds of photos of people I don't know.
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow? Why? What's up? I'm supposed to go visit my other Nana.
But don't worry, she doesn't have any pictures.
You may have to help find her teeth, though.
Deels, I'm pretty busy tomorrow.
Sure.
I get it.
It's just You know how I'm keeping that secret about - you having your license? - Yeah.
Well, see, if I was driving around with you tomorrow, you wouldn't have to worry about me accidentally blurting it out.
Or you can just not blurt it out.
It's kinda hard to control a blurt.
That's why it's called a blurt.
So what you're saying is, if I drive you around tomorrow, no one will be able to take advantage of me for having a license.
Right.
You're a good friend.
I am, aren't I? Without a giant apartment, this thing is just a joke.
I can't believe Stevie's bribing you guys to get to me.
I know.
It's so ridiculous.
Although it is kind of romantic that a guy would go to all this effort just for you.
Why are you calling him a guy? He's 12.
Twelve is just 21 backwards.
Which would make him too old for me.
Don't focus on the number, sweetie.
Look, guys, it's not happening.
Okay, I'm not going out with him.
Wow.
Always thinking about yourself.
Me? There you go again.
Okay, forget about the age, and the annoying personality.
Think about the money.
Stevie has money? Why is nobody talking about this? If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the poor kids who need a break.
- What poor kids? - Me and Jasmine.
That's it.
I'm putting an end to this right now.
- Where you going? - Stevie's.
We better go with.
Hey, if you haven't gone to the bathroom, save it.
So I hear you spendin' a lot of time with Delia and her grandmothers.
Yep.
You know what's worse than looking for an old lady's teeth? Finding them.
I don't know why you lettin' Delia treat you like a doormat.
I let you treat me like a doormat.
Let's not pull that thread.
Maybe it's time you fight evil with evil.
I know someone who can help you.
- Who's that? - Me-vil.
Whoa.
The hair on the back of my neck just stood up.
It's a gift.
Now, Delia's using your secret to blackmail you.
You've gotta get a secret to blackmail her.
What if she doesn't have a secret? Everybody's got a secret.
Really? What's your secret? Oh, no.
Not gonna open up that can of worms.
So I just gotta get some dirt on Delia.
Um, I guess I could talk to one of her Nanas.
That's good.
Nanas know things.
Dark things.
As a matter of fact, my Nana - Never mind.
- One of your worms? She's in a can all by herself.
Ah, Lindy, here at last.
My minions have done their work.
Glad you were pleased, my liege.
Look, Stevie, this has gotta stop.
I am not going out with you.
Look, if this is about the difference in our ages, I've got a team of scientists working on that.
By the end of the week, I'll be 17.
Or you'll be 11.
Either way, problem solved.
No, problem not solved.
I won't stop until your name is Mrs.
Stevie Moops.
Lindy Moops.
Hey, it's got a ring to it.
I'll even change my name to Moops.
Logan Moops.
I'll be a Moops.
Jasmine Moops.
Okay, everybody, please stop Moops-ing.
Stevie, even if we were the same age, we have absolutely nothing in common.
I know one thing we could have in common.
Chester.
- Lindy, we'll fly you and a date - Me.
on a private jet to the most romantic city in the world, Paris, France! Yes.
Whoo! Where for seven glorious days, you'll see the sights and enjoy delicious cuisine prepared by world-famous chefs, and all this while in the company - of the most charming kid in the world.
- Me.
No, Stevie or perhaps you'd rather have A brand-new car! Valued at over $200,000, this custom made Iannonne Puttanesca is the finest Italian sports car in the world.
A Puttanesca? Take the car.
No, Paris.
Take the trip.
- No, car.
- Trip.
- Trip.
- Car.
Enough! Look, Stevie, obviously you don't have a lot of experience, but this, this is no way to get a girl to like you.
But this is how you get everybody to like you.
Wouldn't it be nice to find a girl your own age who likes you for you and not your stuff? I don't know how to do that.
I could show you, and all it would cost you is a brand-new car! Logan! I'll help you.
And I'll do it for free.
Why would you help me? You don't even like me.
Because it's the right thing to do.
Maybe we could do the right thing in Paris.
And maybe we could drive there.
Hey, let's get goin'.
Today, we're looking for pop-pop's glass eye.
He had a good sneeze last week and it's been missing ever since.
- We're not going anywhere.
- What? My days of driving you around are over.
You see, I learned a little something about you.
A little something I'm sure you wouldn't want to get out.
What something is that? That you still sleep with the stuffed rabbit you've had since you were a baby.
You mean this stuffed rabbit? Hey, everybody, say hi to hoppy hoppy num-num.
Hi! Oh, hi, smoothie lovers.
- Shall we go? - No, wait.
There's gotta be something else that embarrasses you.
What are you doing? Oh, my gosh.
You're trying to blackmail me.
Gar bear, that's so adorable.
I'm not trying to be adorable.
I'm trying to be evil.
Oh, that's even more adorable.
Fine.
Let's just go.
You can keep taking advantage of me just like everyone else.
Garrett, wait.
Garrett.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to take advantage of you.
Okay, I mean, I did.
But now I wish I hadn't.
- You don't have to drive me anymore.
- Really? You're the nicest guy in the world, and I've been acting like a jerk.
You deserve better.
That crossed my mind, but I immediately dismissed it.
Well, you do.
And when I get my license, you're gonna be my first passenger.
I'll drive you anywhere you wanna go.
I'd like that.
Good.
Don't forget to buckle up your seatbelts.
Thanks, hoppy.
And I'm talking to a rabbit.
Hey, how about that girl over there? She looks nice.
I guess, but what do I say to her? Just go up and say hi.
Won't you present me? You present yourself.
That's weird.
Come on, I'll help you.
Hi.
I'm Lindy, and this is Stevie.
I'm Quinn.
What now? Ask her a question.
Okay.
Um, how many houses do you have? What? I think what Stevie meant to say was, do you like movies? Not really.
Oh, well, do you like books? No.
Well, do you like video games? Every kid loves video games, right? Not me.
Now we know why she's sitting alone.
I like smoothies.
Oh, there you go.
Stevie likes smoothies, too.
There's something you guys could talk about.
Think of it as an ice breaker.
Because it's cold.
I'll be over there.
Who is that girl? She was kind of into me for a while, but now we're just friends.
She is way too old for you.
That's what I kept telling her.
Do you like to skateboard? Actually, my dad owns Yeah, I do.
Well, there's a skateboard park down the street.
You wanna go? Sure.
Just give me a sec.
Hey, Lindy, thanks for helping me.
Of course, I'll send a more formal thank-you tonight around 9:30.
Just go outside and look up.
No, you don't have to You know what? Go ahead.
Maybe it'll make Logan stop crying.
I never even got to use the gold toilet.
Okay, ready to see the dress? Yeah, we're ready.
Come on in.
What is that? It's my Luis San Luis original.
You look like an original Oompa Loompa.
You don't understand.
This is haute couture.
Apparently, haute couture is French for shower curtain.
It's high fashion.
It's made for the runway.
Yeah, so is an airplane, but I wouldn't wanna wear one.
Oh, oh, I have an idea.
Let's take her to the lake and see if she floats.
Are you kidding? It took me 20 minutes to walk up your stairs.
Oh, it's gonna be a lot faster goin' down.
Dad!