Kickin' It (2011) s02e08 Episode Script

Ohm.
Ohm.
Ohm.
I got this one.
What are you doing? I'm becoming one with the universe.
I am now a master of meditation.
Since when? Since I got this magical meditation ring.
It changes colors with my mood.
Been in my family for three generations.
Uh-oh.
That's not good.
I think that green color means I'm gassy.
- It just turned blue.
- Yeah, it did.
Come on, guys.
Sit.
Enjoy my new meditation zone.
I got a waterfall, my bonsai tree.
I even installed a speaker directly above the mat so I can listen to my meditation music.
Time to transcend.
What the heck was that?! - Kung fu lightning.
- Greatest band of all time.
- Yeah.
- We were listening to their new album on your stereo.
Sorry.
Well, get it out of there and put my meditation cd back in.
Isn't kung fu lightning doing a concert here in seaford? Oh, yes, they are.
And we're gonna stand in line for as long as it takes to get tickets.
My mom won't let me go to concerts unless the characters are in big padded suits and on ice skates.
All right, we'll see you guys later.
Take it easy.
Come on, Eddie.
Let's get a corn dog.
Okay.
Finally, I can meditate in peace and become one with my chi.
What was that? Ow! I think I just became one with my speaker.
Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me and we could have a ball,run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go,let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me and we could have a ball,run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Dude, I am a way bigger kung fu lightning fan than you.
Oh.
You see this? Izzy gunnar's guitar pick.
I bought it online.
Man, that's nothing.
You remember when he missed that concert because he had to get his appendix out? Mm-hmm.
Is that Izzy's appendix? You're not the only one who shops online.
Rudy, what are you doing with Tootsie? I'm goat-sitting her for Phil while he's out of town for the week.
Chicks dig a guy with a goat.
You should see the women down at the park melt when tootsie and I share a seesaw.
Gotta go.
Dude, we've been in this line for, like, 19 hours.
I gotta go find a bathroom.
Psst.
You know, the line ends four miles back.
If you ladies want, I'll let you scooch.
Really? You'd do that? Absolutely.
Hey, this guy said we could cut! Huh? Wait.
Wait, what? But, no-- I-- I, uh-- Not cool with this.
Too many dudes.
Way too many dudes.
That's it, everyone.
This guy's getting the last ticket.
Huh? Well-- well, I said she could scooch, then they all scooched.
And then everyone was scooching! - Let's go, you.
- Aah! My little black book is full of ladies' names.
And now, thanks to Tootsie, two of them have phone numbers.
Here's the note from Phil with Tootsie's feeding instructions.
"Crumple this note into a ball and place it in her bowl.
" I'll have my usual-- A number three with some baba ghanoush poppers.
Oh, uh, sorry, sir.
The restaurant's closed for the week.
Guess I'll try that new place, Falafel Franco's.
Uh, hold on, sir.
Have a seat, your order will be right up.
Milton, what are you doing? That guy's a loyal customer.
If he goes to Franco's, he'll realize how bad Phil's food is.
Come on, people! These ghanoushes won't baba themselves! You know, while you guys do that, I'm gonna meditate and try to get my ring to go from blue to purple.
That's love color.
Then I'll decide which of my ladies to-- My book.
My numbers! My ladies.
Dude! Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
We've got tickets.
What?! Whoa, whoa.
You got tickets? Absolutely.
All we have to do is win the radio station contest.
They're about to call one lucky winner.
Dude, a radio contest? Do you know what the chances are that we'll be the one person they call? Pretty good.
I borrowed all my cousins' phones and submitted the numbers.
All right, kids.
Set your phone from vibrate to celebrate.
We're giving away two kung fu lightning tickets.
- - please, please, please.
- Wha? - Dude.
Dude, I can't believe it.
They're calling us.
- Answer it.
- Okay.
Woo! Hello? - Hello? - Which one is it? - Hello? - Dhello? Oh, sorry, can't talk.
Looking for a phone.
Jerry! Oh, looks like they didn't want those tickets.
All right, kids-- I don't believe it, man.
We had the tickets.
Oh, I see where this is going.
Somehow you're gonna find a way to make this Jerry's fault.
I need two falafel balls with onions.
Two chicks in a hot tub! Make 'em cry! Chicks in a hot tub, crying.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Jeez.
You guys are really making a go of it.
How'd you get all these people in here? Well, once Milton changed the 40-year-old oil in the fryer, the food started tasting like, you know, food! Yo, I'll tell you one thing-- If Izzy were here right now, I'd walk right up to him And tell him his two biggest fans don't have tickets.
Dude! Dude, dude, dude! You're gonna get that chance.
That's him sitting right there! What? Are you kidding? Let's see what you got.
Uh Me, Jerry.
You.
Music.
Good.
The strumming.
The Sing, sing, sing, sing.
Hair pretty.
Bye-bye, man.
Uh.
Hey, I'm Jack.
This is my friend, Jerry.
- He's a little bit of a freak.
- Oh, good.
We'll get along fine then.
I'm king of the freaks.
Check this out.
I'm wearing a bowling shoe and a roller skate.
But the strange thing is, when I left the hotel I was wearing slippers.
Hold on! Spitball opportunity.
Aah! Yeah! I love messing with that little weasel.
So what can I do for you, mates? Uh Can we have tickets to your show? Absolutely not! A lot of nerve you've got asking me for tickets! I give you tickets, I gotta give everyone tickets! And where does it end? I'm sorry, man.
We're big fans.
Oh, yeah.
Well, in that case, of course you can have tickets.
Here.
Call my manager.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to either go skate or bowl.
You know what I like about him? He's just a regular guy.
Dude.
Look, it's his phone.
Hey, hey, Izzy! - You forgot your phone! - Yo! Hey! Do you have any idea why those guys attacked you? Yes, I do.
I know exactly why.
It's 'cause I'm beautiful.
Those moves that you guys did were amazing.
Are you like Superheroes? No, we actually do karate-- Shh! No.
Your secret's safe with me, wham man and pow boy.
I can't believe it! I got superheroes for bodyguards! Excuse me? Well, it's clear I need protection.
You blokes work for me now.
You're gonna love my chauffeur.
HAe's a wizard.
Do you have any idea what this means? We're the bodyguards for the biggest rock star in the world! Woo! Wham man, pow boy! Let's go.
Coming.
Careful with that.
Where's Izzy? Sound check started an hour ago.
Why are you asking me? But maybe I should practice lead vocals, you know, in case he doesn't show up! Oh, he's not showing.
He gone and ran off and married a hedgehog.
I got you! Look at lars.
He thinks I married a hedgehog.
Izzy? You're here.
- How come you're late? - Oh, two blokes jumped me.
These guys saved my life.
Meet my new bodyguards, Jack and Jerry.
don't scream like a girl.
Don't scream like a girl.
Don't scream like a girl.
Sorry, man.
Rock and roll! Woo! Really? These two kids took down a couple of thugs? Good.
If you're his bodyguards, you're also his babysitters.
Here's his schedule.
All right, let's see what's on tap for today.
We have a sound check.
Woo! Right.
Done.
What's next? A photo shoot.
A radio interview.
"Approve jewelry.
" Let me see that.
I've got a better idea.
This is awesome! How do you know when it's time to pull the ripcord? Oh, good idea.
I should probably do it now.
Blimey! That can't be good.
We're gonna die! I got you! I got you! You're a demon! Come on, Milton.
Are we frying or are we dying, man? I am dragging six super combos out here.
And where is my woodchuck in a sleeping bag? I don't even know what that means.
I don't know what it means either, but I want my ding-dang falafel balls.
Eddie, the drive-thru has been backed up all morning.
We don't have a drive-thru.
Well, I keep giving food to someone out the kitchen window.
Rudy.
Your meditation ring is red.
What does that mean? It means that I'm under a lot of stress.
Or I'm pregnant.
Either way, if my water breaks, you're driving me to the hospital.
Why don't we just quit? We can't quit.
Phil would lose all of his business to Falafel Franco's.
Guys, I was going through the kitchen, and look what I found.
An automatic falafel ball maker.
- Hey, great.
Plug it in.
- No, hang on.
Will a machine ever be able to handcraft falafel balls with the same love, tradition and care that our customers have come to expect from us? It makes 1,000 balls an hour.
Let's plug that bad boy in.
Oh, man.
What a day.
That skydiving was crazy! - Yeah.
- Woo.
You know, you could have planned out where we were gonna land.
I did.
We were the hit of that rodeo.
Did you see the look on the bull's face - When Jerry landed on him? - Oh, yeah, That's right, that's right.
Yeah, I saw it.
There you are! Do you realize your show starts in five minutes? Let's go, we gotta hurry.
Oh, Jerry.
Hey, let's go find out where Izzy wants us during the show.
You guys aren't going anywhere.
Playtime's over.
What? You're not bodyguards, you're just 14-year-old punks looking to hang around with a rock star.
Well, it's over.
You're fired.
You can't fire us.
We work for Izzy, not his backup singer.
I'm not a backup.
I'm the guy who started this band and the one who should be the lead singer.
Get 'em out of here! Okay, three things.
One, I'm not leaving this room.
Two, there is no way I'm giving up this swag jacket.
And three-- we're outside aren't we? All right, guys.
We've made enough falafel balls for the dinner rush.
- Turn it off.
- Okay.
I did.
It must have a battery or something.
Uh, maybe this lever will work.
Oh, this isn't good.
It made the machine go faster! We gotta find some other containers! There are no other containers! We can't let any more hit the floor! Aah! Oh! Hot, hot, hot! Hot! Look, my meditation ring's gone.
It must've got mixed in the batter, Which means it's in one of these balls! Oh! There's too much pressure! - I'm gonna blow! - You're not gonna blow! You're not gonna blow.
Help me find my ring.
That's the priority.
Man, this stinks.
I told every girl I know I was gonna have Izzy scream their name from stage.
How could he do that? Well, when Izzy screams, you can't understand a thing he's saying.
Listen.
Was that Vicky, Kim, or Lori? Dude, look.
Those are the same guys who jumped Izzy.
Do you know what this means? Yeah.
They came to apologize.
They're here to finish the job.
And Lars just let them in.
He's the one who hired them to hurt Izzy! Dude, we gotta get inside.
But how? All right.
All right, people.
Remember, whoever finds the lucky ring gets $100.
Did you guys find it? You guys here? This doesn't make sense.
We've collected and sold every falafel ball we made.
Not that one.
My ring.
It's got to be in there.
Don't you do it, You bearded falafel ball eater.
Like a stampede of wild colts.
We're gonna hang 10 thousand volts.
When the thunder roars, it ain't frightening.
Grab your boards, we're surfing the lightning! Surfing the lightning, surfing the lightning.
Our senses are heightened 'cause we're surfing the lightning.
Surfing the lightning, surfing the lightning Dude, we made it just in time! They're playing "Surf the lightning!" Forget the song! We have to find the guys who attacked Izzy.
Like battery acid on your face - I streak the sky with the power of grace - up there! Gotta get away, Ride the wave, Surfing the lightning,Surfing the lightning.
Our senses are heightened 'cause we're Surfing the lightning.
Surfing the lightning, surfing the lightning Don't you wanna be in it for us all to see? Surfing the lightning with me! Jerry! Lightning! Tell me again why Rudy brought Tootsie to his office? He wanted to be sure that he was there when she went, So he knew where to look.
Don't worry, he put a lot of newspaper all over his floor.
- Any luck? - Not yet.
But she's had three bales of hay, five pounds of prunes, Anyway, I better get back in there.
This could happen any minute.
Ah.
I've had an itch under my arm all day.
- Oh.
- Gah.
Wow.
A falafel ball was lodged in my armpit.
Just imagine how upset Rudy would be if there-- Oh, and there's the ring.
We gotta tell Rudy! Oh my-- are you for real? What have I done? I ain't going in there.
Let's just leave it here.
Yeah.
We should go.
How is this even possible? Oh, the humanity! Oh, got my calculator back.
How could you? We're like brothers.
I was always in your shadow while you were out in front with the fame, the glory - My sister.
- Oh.
- I am sorry about Linda.
- Stacy! Right, yeah, Stacy.
Nice girl.
Okay, get him out of here.
Thanks, guys.
You saved my life.
Well, you know, that's just what bodyguards do.
No.
You two are more than bodyguards.
You're my friends.
Guys! Come on the road with me.
Man, that's a great offer, but we can't leave seaford.
All of our friends are here.
Yeah, I get it.
You know, I'd give up everything I have to stay here and have friends like you.
Well, why don't you? Are you crazy? I'm a rock star, mate.
My life is amazing.
The crowd's not leaving, Izzy.
There gonna tear this place apart if we don't give them an encore.
But I don't have a full band.
Come on! You with me? Excuse me Can we help you? Oh, no.
He's with me.
That's my chauffeur.
the wizard.
Yeah, the wizard.
Right Hey, man.
It was great to meet you.
Look us up the next time you're here in seaford.
Absolutely.
I'm gonna keep in touch with you two chaps.
All right, cedric.
You ready? I'm ready.
Right, then.
Off we go.
- Did they just? - Yeah.
We totally should've gone with them.