Lexx s02e08 Episode Script

I am the Lexx The most powerful destructive weapon in the two universes.
Lexx 2.
08 White trash Getcha! Looks like it's eaty meaty snacky time! Yeah, it's eaty meaty snacky time! Eaty meaty snacky time! Whoa.
Did you hear that? What? Sounded like a scream - like a person.
A man? All men are unimportant, Xev darling - except for the head man.
You think there could be somebody else onboard? Don't look at me for the answer, micro mind.
.
I only think about my peach blossom.
You know, we might not be alone on Lexx.
Well, that can only be an improvement.
Why don't you go have a look, Tweedle? Leave me be with my little love angel.
And please - get lost, and never come back.
Rotate! Look, there coulda been all kinds of people onboard when we broke away from the Cluster.
There musta been - workers, and guards, and, you know, coming and going, how could you know? You're big, Lexx, you're huge! I am big, Stanley.
Lexx - do you recall me saying baked mixed fruit muffin with double frosting? I try my best, Stan.
Look - Lexx, I know that you're not exactly a fountain of knowledge, but maybe you could help me out here? See, I wanna know for sure if there are other people onboard, or not.
Yes there are, Stan.
There are? Well, maybe you could tell me exactly where, where I might find those other people? In the galley, Stanley.
But - this is the galley - yeah? Yes, Stan.
Somebody besides me, and Xev, and the robot head, and the dead guy in black.
Hot damn! Howdy! Howdy.
I'm Pa, but you can call me Pa.
This 'un here's Junior.
And this 'un here's ma little girl Sissy.
Oh, he's nice, Pa.
And that funny looking one there, he's little Kid.
He's got a mouth on him that I don't know where he got it from! You do that again, I'm gonna have you over my knee, you understand? You understand? So er, you folks - are you hungry? No, we just ate.
Real good meal.
Do the donkey dance.
We's the Golene clan.
What's left of them.
I'm feeling like a brand new girl, living in a brand new world! I know I'm just a head, Xev darling - but he is dead.
All over.
I don't care! So, er - where are you from? Where're you from? Well, I'm captain of the Lexx.
It's funny, you don't look much like a captain.
Well, I wasn't always a captain, I was a - Prisoner? See, I know.
I knowed, I knowed that you wasn't the law, I knowed that you wasn't the law, so I knew you was a prisoner just like us.
See, when they came and they rounded us up in Vermal, they brought us to the Cluster.
I thought they was gonna grind us up, or smoke us, or pickle us or something, but, we Golene's is smart, see? So we, we exscaped, and we was hiding out.
But then, they wasn't looking for us no more, so we kinda come out like! To make friends! Where is everybody? Why aren't they looking for us no more? We're not at the Cluster anymore.
It's gone, really.
Really! Really? Yeah! Yeah, we, we, we blew it up, long time ago.
So there ain't no reason for us to be hiding out no more! Hey, captain - Permission to come aboard, captain? Hot damn.
Hot damn.
Hot damn! Stan? I told you I heard something, and the- Damn, she's pretty Pa! She's got lizard skin on her.
She's nice and full up top, but she's a tad scrawny down below.
Pa, you always go for the ones with all that blubber on their bones Well, ain't got the fat, ain't got the flavour.
Er, they're prisoners Xev, just like you and me.
We's the Golene clan, ma'am.
Yes? See, there ain't no law here, so we done taken a vote, see, the upshot of which is - it's gonna be now, Captain Pa, not Captain Stan.
No.
No no, no, we didn't take a vote.
Yeah, we took a vote.
I'm the only one what gets to vote.
I like him, Pa.
Oh, not like I like you, Pa.
I like you the best.
Do you want to party? What are you talking about? I bet you would.
What's he, frozen supper meat? Oh, no no no, he's not meat, no no, he's alive - well, actually he's not alive.
Technically he's dead, and reanimated with protoblood, but except now he's in cryostasis.
What's, he's frozen fast asleep? Er - yeah, yeah, if you like So I guess we're going to the bridge? Xev? Come on! Do something! Put me down, you revolting runt of humanity! What kind of processor do you got? Kai - I think you should wake up now.
Hot damn! Guess I ain't got the hang of it yet.
Nothin's happenin.
See, that's because the Lexx only does what I tell it to, whatever I say.
It only responds to my commands, you know, if I say, fly away, or blow something up, blow up a planet, you know, whatever, because I'm captain.
What d'you mean, blow up like, what d'you mean? Well, for instance, if I was to say, you know - Lexx, blow up that planet! As you request.
Hot damn! Oh no, not again.
- OK Stanley, set a course for Vermal.
- Vermal? Yeah, that's where I'm from, that's my home.
There's a feller there I gotta see.
Oh, you see, er, I understand that and all, but you see, what we're trying to do here is, we're trying to find a new home, you know, a decent home with nice people and friendly normal attractive women, see, and Vermal, you know, where you're from - I gots all the votes, so I does all the deciding, see? Oh Pa, I could just cuddle him all to death! Vermal, Lexx, hurry! As you request.
Party on Vermal! What is this party? It's the mostest fun you can have on Vermal - you'd like it honey ma'am, yes indeedy! You should try to have fun, Stan.
Atta girl, atta girl.
All right! Let's go home to Vermal! Come on Pa! Do the humpy jumpy, Pa! I wanna take me a rest now.
Pa sleeps wherever he wants.
You know what? Little ole me is getting kinda sleepy too.
Is there a place somewhere where I could - lay my head for a while? Maybe you could tuck me in, you being so nice and gentlemanly and everything And everything! Yeah, I'll show ya.
Don't cut yourself, Stan.
Little ole Junior's getting sleepy too.
Maybe there's some place where I could lay some head? Hmm.
You know what? I have highly accelerated sexual appetites, and very reduced standards.
You know what that means? Nope.
My body was altered to make me a love slave.
Do you know what that means? Nope.
How about right here right now, you know what that means?! Yup.
Not damn! Come on.
Coming.
I always liked sneaking into boys bedrooms.
What would your momma say? My momma? Yeah, your momma.
Well - one day, Ma went berry picking.
Pa got real steamed up, like he does when he plays too hard.
Ma didn't move after that.
We put her in the crook of a morning tree.
Well why'd your Pa get so steamed up about? Well, he had to! Ma went berry picking, stupid.
I like berries.
Well - this is where I sleep.
My neck's feeling sore.
Could you rub it for little ole me? Oh yeah, I can rub it for little ole you.
I like rubbing things.
Actually Stan - I ain't sleepy.
That's yours.
You - you taste different.
Different? What do you mean? From the others.
Looks like it's been a while, captain.
Oh, not that long.
Oh, it's long enough - but that's all right.
I like being with men - all types of men! Well, I'm all types of men! I can't wait for the boys on Vermal to see me do the humpy jumpy lookee see with you .
What? Yes, we does it - they watches.
It's the best way.
I say something wrong, honey ma'am? Even with my love slave programming, I don't think I'm up to this right now.
Right - I gotta save my juices for the party.
We only has them about once a season.
Everybody comes.
It's party time! Stanley, we have reached the planet Vermal.
It was not very far away.
Stanley, we have reached the planet Vermal.
I ain't the same as they is.
You got the right stuff.
You can help me get the Charger up and running.
OK? OK.
I like you Stanley.
You're my captain.
- Pa! - Hey captain! You're up, hey, good to see ya, buddy - We ain't buddies.
Sure - No, see, thing about buddies is that there's certain things them just doesn't do - like diddling your little girl.
- No! - Don't kill him Pa! You just like your momma.
Oh, he was real gentle with me.
Better go Sissy - you don't wanna get no mess on you.
But, but - who's gonna fly the Lexx? No, we's at Vermal now, that's all I want.
I love him! I want Stanley to become family.
I want him to become my one and only husband.
I wanna be, I wanna become Sissy's, I wanna be - My son in law? Son in law! I sense something bad is going to happen to Xev.
Please kid, please wake up Kai.
You're just a robot.
You're not supposed to be interested in girls, and you don't even have a body.
I am far more than just a robot - far, far more! I am the definition of devotion.
Please, we must wake up Kai.
What will you do for me? I will do whatever you want.
Whatever my circuits will allow.
OK, we can make a deal - I'll wake up the man in black, and you'll help me get the Charger up and running.
I agree, I agree! I agree to everything! I mean, if you became family - I mean, real family, if you became a real Golene and all, that means that this big bug ship becomes mine, 'cos I 'm the head of the clan.
Sweetheart, we can perform the ceremony right now, I can do it myself! Do you - Captain Stanley is gonna be my one and only husband.
Congratulations, Stanley.
That's nice.
Honey ma'am and me going down onto Vermal, to party.
Huh? Ain't you done the humpy jumpy with her yet? No better way than at a Vermal party.
Junior! The reason I gots the votes in the family is directly correlated to the fact that in this family, the brains ain't evenly distributed.
Some gots more, some gots less.
You understand? Nope.
Well, never mind.
You ain't going to Vermal! But - And I ain't going to explain why.
No buts! Come on, son old son, we got a score to settle.
Why should I trust you? Because I will sink to any level to be with Xev.
OK, deal.
What's the Charger? It's down on Vermal, you'll see.
All Pa ever does is what Pa wants.
Does Pa ever think of me? No! I wants to go down to Vermal and party, with you.
Party - what's that exactly? Party's hot damn fun, ma'am.
Specially a Vermal party.
I'm part Cluster lizard.
Cluster lizard? That makes me always hungry to try new things.
Fun things.
I could take you down to Vermal.
But Pa - Can stay up here.
Hot damn! Sweetie, I think he's a little old for you, but when he had his shirt off he had creamy shoulders, which is OK Vermal.
Captain Pa's gotta go back to Vermal.
Gotta go down there and settle an old score.
Old score, payback time, payback.
We's going down to party on Vermal! Junior! See, he's done turned on my instructions.
It's that woman.
Yeah, it's that woman, yeah, she made him do it, she put him up to it.
See, now I gotta go down to Vermal, I gotta fetch Junior, kill her, and then settle my score, that's what I'm gonna do.
But Pa - what about the wedding? Yeah, the wedding, right.
What about it? Well, we could have the wedding now.
Let's have it now, let's have the wedding now.
Let's do it now.
Pa, you see, it's all kinda sudden.
Do you, captain Stan, take my beautiful little creamy pussy cat cream ball girl - to be your lawful wedded wife, one and only, one and only? You does wants to be her one and only husband, don't you? You does loves her, don't you? Love her? Well, you see Pa, that, that takes time, you know, um, but you know she, but she's really special to me - really really special.
Special? You know, somehow, that don't - that don't sound very convincing to me.
You know what I think? I think that you don't wanna be a Golene.
Me, Golene? I think that you think that Sissy ain't good enough for you.
- Pa, no! You done touched my bone! You crossed the line, little lady.
You crossed the line right there.
You just like your momma.
You, honey ma'am, your momma - all the same! That's right - all way too good for you.
Ma knew it too.
She never wanted to be with you, ever since the day you took her.
Ma had free will too! Free will, what's that? What you saying? what is that? You know what I'm saying.
I'm saying that Ma had her own ideas about who she really wanted to be with - and it never was you.
She shouldn't oughta said that.
She, she just gone too far.
You the one.
You put her up to this.
Yeah, you put her up to this, you killed my little daughter! The law! Law? I know it when I see it.
Uh - she done fell.
See, we were just horsing around, and er, and things got a little carried away and she done fell over the edge! He pushed her.
She was nice.
You pushed her! You did it, you did it, you're responsible! You pushed her! You never find me! Where is she? Where's my little peach blossom? She went down to Vermal - to party.
Hot damn! Sounds like we came back at just the right time.
For the party? Hey, cousin.
Hot damn Goolu clan! Golene clan? That's right.
I thought the Golene clan was all rounded up.
We exscaped, come back.
Where's all the other clan? Hauled off.
We's all that's left.
Who's that? That there's Xev.
Nice.
We come for the party.
Come for the party? Junior Golene, you in the dictionary - Uh huh, in the dictionary Right beside the word "stupid" - Beside the word "stupid" There's a picture of you.
Of you! Oh yeah?! I've never been to a party before.
Why ma'am, come on in! Humpy jumpy! Poor Xev.
My poor wonderful exquisite lost Xev.
You really used to kill people? Yes - very many people.
My father was a warrior.
Lexx - what was that? I do not know, Stan.
Lyekka! Lyekka! Lyekka! Wake up, I got food for you Lyekka! Hi there! Come down here to party with honey ma'am.
You can all watch us do the humpy jumpy - This place used to be full of Golenes, and a whole lot of other clans too.
I presume they were cleansed by His Divine Shadow.
I don't know about that, but they're gone.
Who's there? Look behind you! Where? Oh, I shoulda gone with Kai.
Behind you! I can't see ya.
Well, I'm here! Where are ya? Here, Stanley.
Look, there it is.
Come on, let's go.
Isn't she beautiful? A stranger crashed here.
His name was Norb.
He tried to fix up the ship, until Pa found him.
But Ma found him first, and she went berry picking.
Did you ever meet this Norb? What happened to him? Pa found him.
How did you find out about him? Sissy told me.
Was Sissy your sister? Half sister.
We must abandon this ridiculous heap of low tech junk.
Xev is in danger! We must continue our search.
You made a deal.
Love is the only deal I understand.
Well, I'm the only one who knows where Junior woulda gone - and you gotta help me before I help you.
Kai - please torture the little bastard.
Did you make a deal? Deals with undersized irritating inbreeds do not count.
I'm not an inbreed.
Sounds like you made an agreement.
Come on.
I thought all you Golenes was rounded up and taken to the big barbecue in the sky.
Now, it's party time on Vermal! All you gotta do, is figure out the starting codes.
Can you do it? I'm confident that I will be up to such a tiny challenge.
Isn't the Charger just about the greatest thing ever? Just about.
How about you, mister? Have you ever been a pilot? I was, before I died.
How d'you work this thing? Stanley, I can hear something coming from the planet.
Would you like to hear it? Yeah, yeah, we wants to hear it! Stanley, I can hear something coming from the planet.
Would you like to hear it? We wants to hear it.
You hear me, cousin Pa Golene? I hears ya.
I hears ya, Daddy Gloolene, but I don't like the sound of your voice.
Well, how you like this, cousin on the no-good side of the family? Pa, they're gonna lower me down into mine critters! Mine critters?! And then they're gonna have a party with honey ma'am - without me! I told you not to go down there! I'm sorry Pa, I'm sorry.
I just wanted to party! He wanted to party! This is my father.
No, not mine critters! Yes, mine critters.
Pa, help me! Your pa can't help you with this conundrum.
Pa, please help me! Not mine critters! Cousin Daddy - Cousin Daddy - You a cockerwidder! A no-brain cockerwidder, just like your no-brain mine critter lunch son! And all the other Golenes - that is, what's left of 'em.
Cousin Daddy - you're gonna regret that.
You're gonna regret that and everything else you low-down Gloolenes ever done to us.
That's it.
That's it.
Payback time.
Blow it up Tweedle, blow up Vermal.
Blow it up! He called me a cockerwidder.
He called me a cockerwidder.
He done fed my son to mine critters, and worst of all that low-down Gloolene, he told them where we was hiding out.
Blow it up, Tweedle.
But what about Xev and Kai? And the little kid? I mean he's, he's the only family you got left.
So, you some kind of Golene, or what? Unclean! Unclean! I say, she's too pretty to be a Golene.
I say, it's party time on Vermal! Who gets to humpy jumpy her first? I say - let Daddy drive! You get yourself on back down up here now.
Why should I? Cause I told you to that's why.
You aren't telling me nothing more, you old fat fart.
You watch your tongue now! No more, you big piece of poo.
From now on, I say what I wants to, when I wants to, you dumb Golene inbreed.
What you call me? A fat fart, big poo inbreed! And I got something else to say to you too Pa - you ain't my pa! Ever notice I was missing something here? No, you didn't, because you're too stupid.
Well I've got news for you too Pa - remember how Ma used to go berry picking? Well, she wasn't picking berries.
I know that - that's why I killed that space pilot, and your ma.
Well, Ma was picking berries long before you found out,.
and she laid down with that space pilot, and they made me.
He was my real Pa.
That - that would mean that - you ain't my kid.
That would mean that - there's no Golenes left.
My real father was the space pilot you killed, remember Pa? His name was Norb, and that's my name too.
Before I go, before I leave you behind forever Pa, you hear me.
I wanna say one thing - you're a cockerwidder, Pa! Cockerwidder cockerwidder cockerwidder! You're nothing but a dumb inbreed Golene cockerwidder! Goodbye forever! Blow up Vermal Stan.
Xev and Kai - Blow it up!!! Damn! I'm warning you - I'm part Cluster lizard.
Ooo, she sings pretty.
Party! Party! Thanks for the lift.
I remember - I used to like fishing.
Xev - if love is a hook, I'll be your worm.
Blow it up! Come on! Yes! Hard throttle! Oh Vermal hills, my Vermal hills, every dome so fragrant be - It's the law! You never find me! Oh, you're back! Oh, I'm so glad.
Oh, spare me the slobber, picobrain.
You never find me! Come on, he's getting away! Hi.
I'd like to dance with you.
I'm hungry, and I like you.
Did you hear that? Yes! Goodbye Vermal.
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