Moonshine (2021) s02e08 Episode Script
How to Slander a Finley-Cullen or Die Trying
1
LIDIA: Previously on "Moonshine".
RYAN: So, you're Sammy's mom,
and I'm Sammy's father?
RHIAN: Get ready for
your minds to be blown.
I am having twins! Woo!
Ryan says you're
a professor in New York.
- Archaeology.
- Oh cool!
Think you should take some time.
Are you breaking up with me?
- Gale killed Milk Crate Mike.
- My druggie ex?
- Boss, we gotta talk.
- Gale's a murderer.
TERRY: We can finally have
our own place.
Terry, I am leaving Foxton.
LIDIA: Hey, Hun. I was worried.
Yeah, you should be.
I was just showing the boys
here their new home.
(ENGINE REVS)
("SUNNY DAYS" BY LIGHTHOUSE)
(KEYS CLACK)
LIDIA: Summer vacation's
a big deal at The Moonshine.
People wait all year
for their two weeks of maximum chill.
As such, it's important to cram in
as much fun as you can,
before returning to the numbing
oblivion
that is 97% of your life.
(HAIR RUFFLES)
People come for the view,
the warm, salty air,
the glorious beach.
(BOTTLES CLANG)
Then stay, because they're paralyzed
by my father's famous moonshine.
Home-stilled.
140 proof rum.
Lyin' in the sun with your radio ♪
No one misses or remembers,
our annual Labour Day Moonshine party.
The Moonshine Campground and Cottages
is the destination of choice
for generations of campers.
Which is why
seasonals like Little Oink,
get the red beach towel treatment.
What's up?
His family's reserved the
same site for over 30 years.
When you book your vacay
at The Moonshine,
it's always a memorable summer.
Guaranteed.
- (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE RUMBLES)
- WOMAN: Look out, buddy!
BIKER: Outta the way!
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Ugh.
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
♪
RHIAN: Who knew crushing tax debt
- was such an aphrodisiac?
- Upside,
thanks to my botched criminal career,
the tax debt is now only $290K.
Oh, good.
So much more doable than the $350K.
Uh, hey.
So, because of our biker infestation,
Little Oink is thinking
of cutting his vacay short.
- RHIAN: What?
- And if he bails,
- (ENGINE REVS)
- All the campers bail.
(MOTORCYCLE RUMBLES PAST)
How do you propose we fix this?
How is this all on me, again?
'Cause you screwed the biker.
- Now the biker's screwing us.
- Argh! God!
None of this would be happening
if my cheating,
self-absorbed ex hadn't gone
all emo confessional
with said biker in the men's washroom.
Well, maybe I did reveal
more things than I should've.
Can't you just talk to Gale?
He was your boyfriend until yesterday.
We didn't really do labels.
Ugh, okay. Fine.
I'll try.
'Cause it's the right thing to do.
The selfless thing to do.
Which is important.
And the man-toddler
graduates to a man-child.
Huh.
(ENGINES RUMBLING)
- WOMAN: There he is, see?
- MAN: Ah!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(BEER BOTTLES CLINK)
LIDIA: Thank you for being open
- to having a dialogue with me.
- I'm not open to it.
You came, you sat,
you liberated my beer.
And you showed up to my parents'
community theatre performance
with the cast of "Leather Daddies".
- Bit much, no?
- I had to send a message.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(BOTTLE CLINKS)
(SUNGLASSES RATTLE)
Look, I
I know you're hurt.
You think I'm upset because
you wanted to dump me?
You were planning a move
against the club, Lidia.
- You used me.
- Oh, come on.
"Gale"? Like you weren't using me too?
As cute as I looked
in my Heidi get up,
and I looked frickin' adorable,
you can't deny part of the attraction
- was what I could offer you.
- You're the one who said
we shouldn't mix business
and pleasure,
and you were right.
So, this, you and me,
now it's all business.
The Moonshine's mine.
What is this, "Braveheart"?
You can't just show up and pillage!
It's a direct order
from the chapter president.
We needed a legitimate business
to run our organization
through. It's a perfect fit.
I mean, Hidden cove.
Cash transactions. High turnover.
You said you'd do anything
to protect your family.
Well, I gotta do what I
gotta do to protect mine.
My family consists of four
mentally unstable siblings,
two teenagers,
and a couple of seniors.
You wanna fight?
This is not a fair match.
It's not a fight when
you've already lost.
♪
God!
(SAND CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT)
You know what? I just have to know.
Did you murder "Milk Crate Mike"?
Milk I have no idea
who "Milk Crate Mike" is.
What is with your family?
- And the-the cutesy nicknames?
- Yay or nay on the murdering?
Okay, you wanna talk
about criminal behaviour?
You framed Jill LeBlanc
with the help of a Foxton
police officer.
You laundered money,
you hijacked a truck.
You're linked to every
one of those crimes.
That's true, but I had nothing to do
with the dead body your folks
buried in the front yard.
♪
Are you blackmailing me?
Not if you cooperate.
Lidia
you and me,
was any of it real?
I was gonna ask you the same thing.
♪
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINES RUMBLE)
- (BIKERS SHOUT INDISTINCTLY)
- SAMMY: Hey!
You okay?
Is this a common occurrence?
Thugs hanging out on the lawn?
Uh recent campground amenity.
Huh. You don't seem
very bothered by it.
Given everything that's been
going on around here lately,
couple bikers,
sorta pales in comparison.
(CHUCKLES) To what?
Sammy, I'm not trying to be judgy.
Okay, good, 'cause after everything
we talked about last night,
you feeling judged your whole life,
it just sort of feels like
you're doing the same to us.
RYAN: Awww!
Look at you two!
Making up for lost time.
It's beautiful!
- Come on, group hug!
- Ryan!
Bring in the love.
♪
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)
♪
CRYSTAL: And any Foxton Cove
Business Association member
who signs up for a weekly
cleaning subscription today
will not only receive 20 percent off,
but also, a Crystal Clean
water bottle!
While supplies last.
I will now take questions.
Do you still live
on The Moonshine grounds?
I currently live at my mother's.
- The one who's in jail?
- I only have one mother.
Are you still dating
that drunk hooligan?
No. Um, I fired him,
and he has chosen to be
with his long-lost love
and they have a full-grown
son now, so.
Yo, someone tell me why I'm here?
I was told there
would be free pastries,
- and there are none left.
- WOMAN: Yeah!
You were invited here today,
sir, because we,
as proud pillars of the community,
are concerned for the
welfare of Moonshine campers.
The Finley-Cullens are criminals.
- This is an ambush!
- KATIE: No.
Your family is responsible
for ruining this town,
and everybody needs to know it.
Are they responsible for that haircut?
- As a matter of fact, yes.
- (GASPING)
If you value your life,
and your precious
two weeks of vacation,
you will help me to restore
dignity to Foxton
- by signing this petition.
- GROUP: Yes.
No! Oink! Don't listen!
(CHAIRS CLATTERING, GROUP MUTTERING)
The Moonshine
is a force for good.
The local economy depends on us.
Campers need to stop for gas,
groceries,
souvenirs from McKnickKnacks!
The whole biker thing, I mean it's
it's just a blip.
Things have been
a little subpar lately.
I've noticed a lot more
sand than usual
- in the lodge this morning.
- That's because I quit.
I am a sand removal expert.
You didn't quit, you were fired.
KATIE: Fired. Of course.
And I bet you didn't even
give her, her severance pay.
(GASPING)
- (CHUCKLES)
- See? Criminals.
And I won't rest until you,
your family,
and that dump of a Moonshine
are gone for good.
(EVIL CHUCKLE)
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH IN THE FOLIAGE)
Oh, hey, Ani.
Since you seem to be the one
in charge around here,
what the Hell is going on?
Sammy won't talk.
Uh
in the spirit of honesty and family,
(BLOWS OUT BREATH)
It started with a smidge
of drug smuggling,
which led to
some light money laundering,
and that resulted in
just a hint of hijacking.
You're joking, right?
We were having financial trouble.
Are having financial trouble.
So, I agreed to get into
business with a man
who's a real criminal,
and now, he's blackmailing me.
Us, the family, and oh,
this sounds so much worse
when I say it out loud.
Could Sammy be implicated
in any of this?
- No. No.
- Okay.
Maybe just in the smuggling
of Chinese pharmaceuticals
and money laundering,
but not to worry, I'm on it.
By Labour Day, this will all
be yet another
fun summer tale in
the Finley-Cullen canon.
And I thought I was
the headline this week.
Look, Ani, I know how
unusual our family
situation may look.
But I'm gonna sort this out.
I hope you do.
But I won't be around to see it.
My flight is tomorrow.
And I'm gonna ask Sammy
to come with me.
Oh.
(WAVES LAP IN THE DISTANCE)
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH)
♪
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
(CUTS ENGINE)
(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)
Got some big news.
You bought another house
without telling me?
Fine. I jumped the gun.
I'm sorry.
I just thought women
liked a grand gesture.
According to who?
Sensitive Man Weekly?
Yeah, maybe.
But you know what else
Sensitive Man Weekly says?
No.
If you love someone,
hurtful sarcasm is not a thing.
- It's just a lot, Ter.
- Yeah, I know.
Which is why,
from this moment forward,
I am here only to support you.
I'm taking a leave
of absence from work.
So I can come with you to LA.
Well, this new job
is a big deal for you,
and this relationship
is a big deal for me.
What the Hell, right?
It'll be an adventure.
♪
- RHIAN: Oscar!
- Hmm, yeah?
Effective immediately,
you are now also
the head of PR for The Moonshine.
I've been kinda into my
new gig at Foxton PD.
Thirsty Katie's trying to shut us down.
She has a petition, Oscar. A petition!
And guess what her precious
petition is clipped to?
- A clipboard?
- That's my thing, goddamn it!
There's only room for one
clipboard in this town.
- We need to fight back.
- How, exactly?
Little Oink. Win him over
and we secure public opinion
among the campers.
That is your first order of
business as the head of PR.
You say that as if I have staff.
♪
Is this really necessary?
As official Moonshine representatives,
it is our duty to look
united and respectable,
in order to woo back
our number one seasonal.
We have to convince Little Oink
that this family
is more than just a near
bankrupt campground
overrun with criminals and fiends!
- How?
- Pitch me.
I'm all ears.
(ANNOYED SIGH)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
♪
♪
♪
♪
LITTLE OINK: Ugh!
(GRUNTING)
Ow! My back!
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
(HAND TAPS GENTLY, FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
♪
- So, you decided to go?
- No. Maybe.
Stop rushing me!
You're worse than Terry.
So, it's official.
The whole town hates us.
Don't worry, I have Oscar on it.
Did you reason with Gale?
Tried. Failed.
He seems to think he and his club
can just take over The Moonshine,
and what's even more disturbing
is I'm still so attracted to him.
Oh, my God! I'm gonna lose everything.
End up raising my kids in the woods.
Bathing in the ocean. Eating squirrels.
Thank you for that
filthy, hillbilly segue.
It just reminded me of what
may now be our only option.
- Jill LeBlanc.
- I told her it was a bad idea.
You knew about this?
Didn't think she was actually
gonna go through with it.
Are you actually
going through with it?
This is not a war
we can win on our own,
and the only thing scarier
than a Marauder
The birthing video I
watched online this morning?
- A loving, supportive partner?
- A LeBlanc!
Think about it.
Jill's stuck in prison.
All her assets have been
frozen so she can't make bail.
She needs just as much as we need her.
We have no money!
She has my money hidden somewhere.
Foxton PD never found
my duffle bag of cash
when they busted her.
The enemy of my
enemy is a friend of mine.
Okay. I'm aligned.
Let's do this. I'll drive.
No, I need to talk to Jill on my own,
one businesswoman,
slash failed matriarch, to the other.
And I need Crystal to get me in.
So, this is it, then?
This is war!
- Battle up, bitches!
- Ugh!
- (ROCK MUSIC)
- Come on, do the thing!
- No, I'm not.
- Up high.
- Nora.
- Oh, my God.
- War!
- Yes!
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
(CUTS ENGINE)
(DOORS CREAK OPEN, SHUT)
LIDIA: Hi. (GIGGLES)
Um, oh,
Crystal LeBlanc.
(CARD SNAPS)
That's me!
Thanks!
(GATE CREAKS SHUT)
(LOCK CLICKS OPEN)
(DOOR CLUNKS SHUT)
♪
(HAND TAPS ON BENCH)
♪
- (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
♪
(LOCK BUZZES, METAL DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
♪
♪
LIDIA: Hear me out.
Two minutes, tops.
Why the Hell should I do that?
Because I wanna make a deal
and in the grand scheme of things,
may benefit you more than me.
I assume this has something
to do with the Marauders
- setting up camp?
- You heard?
What'd you think,
he was in it for your
- pretty blue eyes?
- Maybe.
Gale Favreau and his merry
gang of thugs
have always only had one goal in mind,
to find a primo spot in Foxton
to use for their own operations.
To be fair, I used Gale too.
Over, and over, and over again.
(DEEP INHALE AND EXHALE)
What do you want?
I want us to work together.
The LeBlancs and
Finley-Cullens back in action,
to make sure Foxton isn't
overrun by criminals
who aren't us.
- Pass.
- Jill.
You're being held for trial
because you can't raise
money for bail.
And you can't get bail
because the RCMP froze
your dirty accounts.
- I'm done here.
- I know you have my money.
The duffle bag of cash, $150K,
which whew,
would bring up a lot of questions
if your unemployed,
criminal relative showed up with it.
But tell me where it is,
and I'll post bail tonight.
♪
But to be clear,
I'm doing this because
Foxton is my turf.
You get me outta here
and bring me Gale,
and my guys will move in
and beat the crap outta the Marauders.
I'll take care of the rest.
And by the way,
you can tell my daughter
to get the Hell outta my house.
I don't appreciate her
sending you in her place.
Though, I have to admit,
you do look great in hot pink.
Now, about that money.
(LID RATTLES)
LIDIA: Gotta hand it to Jill
for her money hiding ingenuity.
What is with this summer
and assembly lines
of illegal behaviour?
Life was so much easier back in May
when I was having
an illicit love affair
with my sister's husband,
and was content knowing I would
die in shame and obscurity.
Oh, poor, poor Nora,
on the verge of celebrity,
and in love with a man
who doesn't put his needs before hers.
Can't you see this
is a beautiful thing?
Know what's beautiful?
The fact that you are using
your hard-earned money
to bail out the woman you put in jail.
Here's a thought.
Why don't we leave her to rot,
and you know, pay off our tax debt?
No. Jill's the only way
of saving The Moonshine.
We bail her out, hand over Gale,
let the criminal cards
fall where they may.
Questions?
CRYSTAL: Yeah, um, ooh.
Uh, can you guys lock up
when you're done?
The key's under the legless gnome.
- You got it.
- You okay?
You sure you have a place to go?
- You wanna come home with me?
- Oh no! I'm fine.
Next stop, destiny!
Right? (NERVOUS GIGGLE)
Okay. Come here.
♪
(BAG RATTLES)
(LAWN CHAIR CLATTERS)
(TIRES RUMBLE)
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
♪
- LITTLE OINK: Oh shit!
- Hey.
You need a hand, friend?
Maybe that lawn chair is trying
to tell you something.
Reading tea leaves
in a lazy lounge recliner deluxe?
Not gonna convince me to stay.
Well, that's too bad.
This rum might be my best ever.
Come on.
Stay for my party.
Could be our last.
Look, rum,
no, it's just not gonna fix this.
History begs to differ.
Do you know that rum
is the cornerstone beverage
of the West Indies,
the Maritime provinces,
Newfoundland and Labrador?
It's a drink of community.
A way for friends to come together.
- Especially in times of trouble.
- (SCOFFS)
I want to stay your friend,
Ken, I really do,
but your allies are bailing.
And looks like you are, too.
Your daughters appear
to be the only ones
willing to fight for this place.
For shame, good sir.
For shame.
♪
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH IN THE FOLIAGE)
♪
I hear you're
taking over our business.
Huh.
I hope we can find some common ground.
Well, that's big of you.
I suppose it is.
Want a drink?
Uh, what the Hell.
(ALCOHOL BURBLES)
(THUMB TAPS ON PHONE)
RHIAN: You shopping for LA
or every member of the
Broken Social Scene, ever?
You obliterate weeds to chill.
I window shop.
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
- (LIDIA SIGHS)
Okay.
Bail's been posted.
Jill's getting released tomorrow.
Only thing left to do
is deliver Gale to Jill.
- And I have a plan.
- Hmm.
(PAPER CRINKLING)
- It involves
- No, no violence, Rhian.
(GRUMBLES)
Then we go to Plan B.
Use your magic pumpum.
Magic pumpum?
Oscar and I have been researching
how to explain body parts
to the unborn twins,
and the word for vagina that
resonated most for me,
was "pumpum".
There's no way I'm having
sex with Gale
now that he's a confirmed murderer.
Oh, look who suddenly has standards.
- (GASPS)
- Whoa!
- God, where did you get that?
- Dark web.
Can't you online shop
like a normal person?
- LIDIA: Seriously.
- At least I checkout,
and not just of my life
and relationships.
Okay.
- (PAPER CRINKLES)
- Back to Plan A.
(LOUD THUD THEN GRUNT OUTSIDE)
♪
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
- (GASPS)
You lose somethin'?
Oh, my God.
- He's a big fan of my rum.
- Huh.
He knew big, bad,
biker boy's a lightweight?
My moonshine is lethal.
And I clocked the son of a bitch.
Yes!
This works too!
(WAVES LAP)
♪
Hey. I uh,
I wanted to give you this.
It's a marijuana plant.
Represents growth.
Hopefully my own.
Soon to be this plant's.
(PLAYFUL LAUGHER IN THE DISTANCE)
My first van warming gift.
Hmm?
Oh uh, this my new home.
Uh, my Mom kicked me out,
so now I am
child of the tides.
You know, owned by no one but the sea.
You know, you could move back
into the trailer with
No.
You need to concentrate on you.
You have stopped drinking.
And fate has brought your first
love back to you,
- and you have a
- No.
A brother-son to think about.
I really don't need to
concentrate, Crystal because
I do.
You know, on my business,
and on myself.
And if the universe
decides to send something
beautiful my way
I am ready,
but if not, which is more
likely, then that's okay
because I am very accustomed
- to being let down.
- Crystal
And by the way, a marijuana plant
does not signify growth.
So, if you will excuse me,
you are blocking my view.
♪
♪
Oh, oh
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪
(WAVES LAP)
♪
(SLIPPERS CLAP LIGHTLY)
♪
Hear you're heading out tomorrow.
Uh, yeah.
(FOOTSTEP THUD)
(SIGHS) I don't know how you did it.
All these kids.
Emotional whack-a-mole.
With the occasional bout of joy.
Thank you for raising him.
He's incredible.
And I know a big part
of that is because of you.
All we can do is try.
(TEARY EXHALE)
I did try, you know.
I loved that little baby so much.
For the first time in my life
I had someone
who loved me unconditionally.
But it was selfish.
I was a kid, and he deserved more.
For the record
it's you who deserves thanks.
Sammy changed my life.
All of our lives, for the better.
Whatever happens, just know
you have lots of people
who love you unconditionally now.
♪
♪
- (LIDIA GRUNTS) Jesus!
- Oh, God!
- Is that muscle or leather?
- To the chair, to the chair.
- To the chair? Okay.
- Yeah, back him in.
- Okay.
- NORA: This is hard.
- Okay, give a nice bump.
- Okay! Yep! Ugh!
- Slide back.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay. Oh, look.
- Okay, yeah.
Let's throw some sunnies on him.
Grab some duct tape,
and we're good to go.
No one will be the wiser.
Yeah, we take turns guarding him
- until Jill's guys show up.
- And then,
Jill and Gale will have
a reasonable conversation,
where they'll come up with a
mutually beneficial compromise.
Ha.
Lidia, you want the cobra dead,
you bite the head off the cobra!
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Oh, God! Oh, God, you're right.
Jill's gonna kill Gale.
♪
(REALIZING EXHALES)
Is this who we are now?
- As messed up as our enemies?
- Ugh.
With no moral compass?
Willing to do anything to protect
a soggy patch of dirt,
and pile of old wood?
Oh, God.
Are we as bad as people say?
("GOLD DUST WOMAN" BY FLEETWOOD MAC)
(EMOTIONAL EXHALE)
♪
Rock on, Gold Dust Woman ♪
(GATE CLANGS OPEN)
Take your silver spoon ♪
Dig your grave ♪
(TAILGATE CLUNKS)
(ITEMS CLATTER)
- Heartless challenge ♪
- (COCKS GUN)
Pick your path and I'll pray ♪
♪
(CLIP SNAPS)
(DOOR SHUTS, TIRES RUMBLE,
GRAVEL SPATTERS)
Wake up in the morning ♪
See your sunrise ♪
Love to go down ♪
♪
Lousy lovers ♪
Pick their prey ♪
But they never cry out loud ♪
Cry out ♪
(FLAMES CRACKLE)
Well, did she make you cry ♪
Make you break down ♪
And shatter your illusions of love ♪
And is it over now ♪
Do you know how ♪
To pick up the pieces and go home ♪
(MUSIC FADES)
GALE: It's clever.
Siccing the old man on me
before you throw me to the wolves.
(FIRE CRACKLING)
Wolves have nothing
on my father. Apparently.
Do whatever it is you gotta do.
(FIRE CRACKLES)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(LIDIA SIGHS)
It was real. You and me.
Not well thought out, but
real.
But I want you to know, this uh,
this isn't what did it for me.
It's not who you were.
To me.
You think I wouldn't rather
spend my days baking bread?
Or infusing honey.
Instead of digging shallow graves?
I do what I do
for the club.
And we're all
beholden to our families.
Doesn't mean I can't
choose my own fate.
And you can, too.
(FIRE CRACKLES)
♪
(LIDIA SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT)
(BOX CUTTER RATTLES)
(LIDIA SNIFFLES)
Why are you helping me?
'Cause it's the right thing to do.
(EMOTIONAL SIGH)
The Feds are building a case
against the Marauders.
And you need to get out
while you still can.
You need to run. Now.
♪
♪
♪
I really wanted to
build a life with you.
Of course you did.
- I'm delightful.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
(TAPE CRINKLES)
♪
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH IN THE FOLIAGE)
♪
(ROCK MUSIC)
♪
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)
MAN: You're not welcome! Go home!
- (CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
- Get outta here!
BEA: It's that bittersweet
time of the year.
When we bid adieu to summer.
A slow, melancholy goodbye
that starts with Labour Day
and ends once the last leaf drops.
The tans will fade,
but memories endure.
Even the crap we really
wish we could forget.
And the guests we didn't invite.
And how do we celebrate
this happy death?
By making more memories
with Ken's famous moonshine!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Ha, ha, ha!
- (DAGGER ZIPS)
- Ooh! Ha, ha, ha!
To an uneventful winter!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Where's Gale?
Jill's here. Time for the handover.
- (SIGHS) I let him go.
- What?
We can't be responsible
for the death of a man.
The Finley-Cullens are many things,
but we are not killers.
Intentionally, anyway.
I knew you wouldn't be able
to go through with it.
Say goodbye to Gale.
Don't hurt him.
I'm sending my guys there right now.
Take down the leader,
Foxton's mine again.
(CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
JILL: Come on, let's move.
We've got work to do.
RHIAN: Is she gonna
go kill Gale right now?
- (WORRIED SIGH)
- Not if I warn him first.
(PANICKED BREATHING)
Oh, God, please pick up.
(MIC FEEDBACK)
I also have something
that I would like to say.
This summer,
the shittiest ever.
But it's also been one of the best.
Because it made me realize
that I haven't been putting
the emotional needs of others
before my own.
That was then.
But this is now. Right now.
Which is why I'm sending
something beautiful
Crystal's way.
Crystal?
Crystal?
There you are! Crystal
Um, hi Ryan. I-I'm really
busy. Right now.
And-and I don't need a speech.
I know.
That's why I wanna
give you this, instead.
(BUTTON CLICKS)
♪
Ryan, are you okay?
Ha!
- WOMAN: Woo!
- MAN: Yeah!
("REAL LOVE" BY ROBIN S.)
(CROWD CHEERS)
Ahhhh ♪
That's my shirt!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Heartbreaks and promises ♪
Hi, Nora!
I've had more than my share
- (HANDS CLAP)
- Tired of giving my love ♪
This is my favourite song!
And getting nowhere ♪
Nowhere ♪
Everyone is dancing for me?
All I really need is somebody ♪
Who will always be there ♪
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh!
This time around for me, Baby ♪
Actions speak louder than words ♪
♪
Show me, show me, show me, Baby ♪
Give it to me, give it to me ♪
(CROWD CHEERS)
I am not toy, I'm not a play thing ♪
You've got to understand ♪
(CROWD CHEERS)
You've got to show me love ♪
CRYSTAL: Woo!
You've got to show me love ♪
Words are so easy to say ♪
Woo! Woo!
You've got to show me love ♪
There's nothing
that you can tell me ♪
- (RYAN LAUGHS)
- You did all this for me?
No, it's for your business.
We're filming the whole thing.
It's a flash mob, Moonshine style.
Crystal Clean is gonna go viral, Babe!
Ha! Crystal Clean means
more to me than anything!
Well, almost anything.
Crystal,
will you move back into
the trailer with me?
Only if we're the new and improved
- Crystal and Ryan.
- Yeah!
Hell, yeah! Ah!
You've got to give it
to me, give it to me ♪
Give it to me, yeah ♪
I don't want no fakes,
don't want no phony ♪
CROWD: Oink! Oink! Oink!
I need your love ♪
If you're looking for devotion ♪
(CHEERING)
CROWD: Oink! Oink! Oink!
Oink! Oink! Oink!
Ohhh!
It's okay. Ugh!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Guaranteed ♪
- (CHEERING)
- Moonshine's back, biatch.
OPERATOR: We're sorry,
the number you have dialed
is not in service at this time. (BEEP)
♪
I'm on fire ♪
Look at what I make ♪
(ALCOHOL POURS)
BEA: Hmm. It's nice. Ani's still here.
Ah, you could check out
anytime you'd like,
- but you can never leave.
- Hey!
- Hey, kids.
- Sammy, Ani.
Uh, Ken, can I see your dagger?
Sure.
(DAGGER CLANGS GENTLY)
Where'd you find this?
Oh, some rugrat with a grudge
tossed his retainer,
back in '87.
I dredged the pond
and I found that bad girl in the mud.
I think this is way older than '87.
I think this is a Viking dagger.
- What?
- A scramasax.
- What?
- Vikings? Here?
Likely only as a summer camp
on their way back to Greenland.
- OG seasonals.
- Huh.
We'd need expert confirmation
and a team to excavate the pond but
Experts? That sounds expensive, Ani.
No! I am the expert.
- I can make this happen.
- What?
This could save us.
Yeah.
So, you're saying,
The Moonshine could
be a historical site?
It could be.
Protected land?
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
- Protected land.
- Yeah.
No one can take that from you.
Not even the tax man.
Well, here's to old things.
- Up yer goddamn kilt!
- (BEA LAUGHS)
(ANI LAUGHS)
(WAVES LAP)
TERRY: Sorry I'm late. (SIGHS)
I had to book half of Foxton
for disorderly conduct.
(WAVES LAP)
- Nora, look
- Just wait.
I need to get this out.
Terry,
you are everything
I never knew I wanted.
But my entire life has
been based around dudes.
- You're breaking up with me?
- No!
But
I need to be brave.
And I need to go to LA on my own.
Why is this about the house?
'Cause if it's about the house,
forget about the
No, Terry.
It's like I've barely
left this province.
And I know myself.
If you're with me in LA,
I won't put myself out there.
I won't be brave,
because you will be there
being brave for me.
Sounds like a breakup to me.
♪
It's just an eight-month contract.
I will be back next summer.
And we will have so
much dirty video sex.
(WAVES LAP)
♪
(EMOTIONAL EXHALE)
I understand.
♪
And I'll be waiting.
(TEARY) I know you will.
("HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN" BY CCR)
♪
♪
Someone told me long ago ♪
There's a calm before the storm ♪
I know ♪
It's been comin' for some time ♪
♪
When it's over, so they say ♪
It'll rain a sunny day ♪
I know
Shinin' down like water ♪
♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
Comin' down on a sunny day ♪
Yeah ♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
Comin' down ♪
On a sunny day ♪
♪
(HAMMERING IN DISTANCE)
♪
♪
♪
LIDIA: Oh shit.
♪
LIDIA: Previously on "Moonshine".
RYAN: So, you're Sammy's mom,
and I'm Sammy's father?
RHIAN: Get ready for
your minds to be blown.
I am having twins! Woo!
Ryan says you're
a professor in New York.
- Archaeology.
- Oh cool!
Think you should take some time.
Are you breaking up with me?
- Gale killed Milk Crate Mike.
- My druggie ex?
- Boss, we gotta talk.
- Gale's a murderer.
TERRY: We can finally have
our own place.
Terry, I am leaving Foxton.
LIDIA: Hey, Hun. I was worried.
Yeah, you should be.
I was just showing the boys
here their new home.
(ENGINE REVS)
("SUNNY DAYS" BY LIGHTHOUSE)
(KEYS CLACK)
LIDIA: Summer vacation's
a big deal at The Moonshine.
People wait all year
for their two weeks of maximum chill.
As such, it's important to cram in
as much fun as you can,
before returning to the numbing
oblivion
that is 97% of your life.
(HAIR RUFFLES)
People come for the view,
the warm, salty air,
the glorious beach.
(BOTTLES CLANG)
Then stay, because they're paralyzed
by my father's famous moonshine.
Home-stilled.
140 proof rum.
Lyin' in the sun with your radio ♪
No one misses or remembers,
our annual Labour Day Moonshine party.
The Moonshine Campground and Cottages
is the destination of choice
for generations of campers.
Which is why
seasonals like Little Oink,
get the red beach towel treatment.
What's up?
His family's reserved the
same site for over 30 years.
When you book your vacay
at The Moonshine,
it's always a memorable summer.
Guaranteed.
- (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE RUMBLES)
- WOMAN: Look out, buddy!
BIKER: Outta the way!
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Ugh.
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
♪
RHIAN: Who knew crushing tax debt
- was such an aphrodisiac?
- Upside,
thanks to my botched criminal career,
the tax debt is now only $290K.
Oh, good.
So much more doable than the $350K.
Uh, hey.
So, because of our biker infestation,
Little Oink is thinking
of cutting his vacay short.
- RHIAN: What?
- And if he bails,
- (ENGINE REVS)
- All the campers bail.
(MOTORCYCLE RUMBLES PAST)
How do you propose we fix this?
How is this all on me, again?
'Cause you screwed the biker.
- Now the biker's screwing us.
- Argh! God!
None of this would be happening
if my cheating,
self-absorbed ex hadn't gone
all emo confessional
with said biker in the men's washroom.
Well, maybe I did reveal
more things than I should've.
Can't you just talk to Gale?
He was your boyfriend until yesterday.
We didn't really do labels.
Ugh, okay. Fine.
I'll try.
'Cause it's the right thing to do.
The selfless thing to do.
Which is important.
And the man-toddler
graduates to a man-child.
Huh.
(ENGINES RUMBLING)
- WOMAN: There he is, see?
- MAN: Ah!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(BEER BOTTLES CLINK)
LIDIA: Thank you for being open
- to having a dialogue with me.
- I'm not open to it.
You came, you sat,
you liberated my beer.
And you showed up to my parents'
community theatre performance
with the cast of "Leather Daddies".
- Bit much, no?
- I had to send a message.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(BOTTLE CLINKS)
(SUNGLASSES RATTLE)
Look, I
I know you're hurt.
You think I'm upset because
you wanted to dump me?
You were planning a move
against the club, Lidia.
- You used me.
- Oh, come on.
"Gale"? Like you weren't using me too?
As cute as I looked
in my Heidi get up,
and I looked frickin' adorable,
you can't deny part of the attraction
- was what I could offer you.
- You're the one who said
we shouldn't mix business
and pleasure,
and you were right.
So, this, you and me,
now it's all business.
The Moonshine's mine.
What is this, "Braveheart"?
You can't just show up and pillage!
It's a direct order
from the chapter president.
We needed a legitimate business
to run our organization
through. It's a perfect fit.
I mean, Hidden cove.
Cash transactions. High turnover.
You said you'd do anything
to protect your family.
Well, I gotta do what I
gotta do to protect mine.
My family consists of four
mentally unstable siblings,
two teenagers,
and a couple of seniors.
You wanna fight?
This is not a fair match.
It's not a fight when
you've already lost.
♪
God!
(SAND CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT)
You know what? I just have to know.
Did you murder "Milk Crate Mike"?
Milk I have no idea
who "Milk Crate Mike" is.
What is with your family?
- And the-the cutesy nicknames?
- Yay or nay on the murdering?
Okay, you wanna talk
about criminal behaviour?
You framed Jill LeBlanc
with the help of a Foxton
police officer.
You laundered money,
you hijacked a truck.
You're linked to every
one of those crimes.
That's true, but I had nothing to do
with the dead body your folks
buried in the front yard.
♪
Are you blackmailing me?
Not if you cooperate.
Lidia
you and me,
was any of it real?
I was gonna ask you the same thing.
♪
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINES RUMBLE)
- (BIKERS SHOUT INDISTINCTLY)
- SAMMY: Hey!
You okay?
Is this a common occurrence?
Thugs hanging out on the lawn?
Uh recent campground amenity.
Huh. You don't seem
very bothered by it.
Given everything that's been
going on around here lately,
couple bikers,
sorta pales in comparison.
(CHUCKLES) To what?
Sammy, I'm not trying to be judgy.
Okay, good, 'cause after everything
we talked about last night,
you feeling judged your whole life,
it just sort of feels like
you're doing the same to us.
RYAN: Awww!
Look at you two!
Making up for lost time.
It's beautiful!
- Come on, group hug!
- Ryan!
Bring in the love.
♪
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)
♪
CRYSTAL: And any Foxton Cove
Business Association member
who signs up for a weekly
cleaning subscription today
will not only receive 20 percent off,
but also, a Crystal Clean
water bottle!
While supplies last.
I will now take questions.
Do you still live
on The Moonshine grounds?
I currently live at my mother's.
- The one who's in jail?
- I only have one mother.
Are you still dating
that drunk hooligan?
No. Um, I fired him,
and he has chosen to be
with his long-lost love
and they have a full-grown
son now, so.
Yo, someone tell me why I'm here?
I was told there
would be free pastries,
- and there are none left.
- WOMAN: Yeah!
You were invited here today,
sir, because we,
as proud pillars of the community,
are concerned for the
welfare of Moonshine campers.
The Finley-Cullens are criminals.
- This is an ambush!
- KATIE: No.
Your family is responsible
for ruining this town,
and everybody needs to know it.
Are they responsible for that haircut?
- As a matter of fact, yes.
- (GASPING)
If you value your life,
and your precious
two weeks of vacation,
you will help me to restore
dignity to Foxton
- by signing this petition.
- GROUP: Yes.
No! Oink! Don't listen!
(CHAIRS CLATTERING, GROUP MUTTERING)
The Moonshine
is a force for good.
The local economy depends on us.
Campers need to stop for gas,
groceries,
souvenirs from McKnickKnacks!
The whole biker thing, I mean it's
it's just a blip.
Things have been
a little subpar lately.
I've noticed a lot more
sand than usual
- in the lodge this morning.
- That's because I quit.
I am a sand removal expert.
You didn't quit, you were fired.
KATIE: Fired. Of course.
And I bet you didn't even
give her, her severance pay.
(GASPING)
- (CHUCKLES)
- See? Criminals.
And I won't rest until you,
your family,
and that dump of a Moonshine
are gone for good.
(EVIL CHUCKLE)
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH IN THE FOLIAGE)
Oh, hey, Ani.
Since you seem to be the one
in charge around here,
what the Hell is going on?
Sammy won't talk.
Uh
in the spirit of honesty and family,
(BLOWS OUT BREATH)
It started with a smidge
of drug smuggling,
which led to
some light money laundering,
and that resulted in
just a hint of hijacking.
You're joking, right?
We were having financial trouble.
Are having financial trouble.
So, I agreed to get into
business with a man
who's a real criminal,
and now, he's blackmailing me.
Us, the family, and oh,
this sounds so much worse
when I say it out loud.
Could Sammy be implicated
in any of this?
- No. No.
- Okay.
Maybe just in the smuggling
of Chinese pharmaceuticals
and money laundering,
but not to worry, I'm on it.
By Labour Day, this will all
be yet another
fun summer tale in
the Finley-Cullen canon.
And I thought I was
the headline this week.
Look, Ani, I know how
unusual our family
situation may look.
But I'm gonna sort this out.
I hope you do.
But I won't be around to see it.
My flight is tomorrow.
And I'm gonna ask Sammy
to come with me.
Oh.
(WAVES LAP IN THE DISTANCE)
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH)
♪
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
(CUTS ENGINE)
(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)
Got some big news.
You bought another house
without telling me?
Fine. I jumped the gun.
I'm sorry.
I just thought women
liked a grand gesture.
According to who?
Sensitive Man Weekly?
Yeah, maybe.
But you know what else
Sensitive Man Weekly says?
No.
If you love someone,
hurtful sarcasm is not a thing.
- It's just a lot, Ter.
- Yeah, I know.
Which is why,
from this moment forward,
I am here only to support you.
I'm taking a leave
of absence from work.
So I can come with you to LA.
Well, this new job
is a big deal for you,
and this relationship
is a big deal for me.
What the Hell, right?
It'll be an adventure.
♪
- RHIAN: Oscar!
- Hmm, yeah?
Effective immediately,
you are now also
the head of PR for The Moonshine.
I've been kinda into my
new gig at Foxton PD.
Thirsty Katie's trying to shut us down.
She has a petition, Oscar. A petition!
And guess what her precious
petition is clipped to?
- A clipboard?
- That's my thing, goddamn it!
There's only room for one
clipboard in this town.
- We need to fight back.
- How, exactly?
Little Oink. Win him over
and we secure public opinion
among the campers.
That is your first order of
business as the head of PR.
You say that as if I have staff.
♪
Is this really necessary?
As official Moonshine representatives,
it is our duty to look
united and respectable,
in order to woo back
our number one seasonal.
We have to convince Little Oink
that this family
is more than just a near
bankrupt campground
overrun with criminals and fiends!
- How?
- Pitch me.
I'm all ears.
(ANNOYED SIGH)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
♪
♪
♪
♪
LITTLE OINK: Ugh!
(GRUNTING)
Ow! My back!
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
(HAND TAPS GENTLY, FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
♪
- So, you decided to go?
- No. Maybe.
Stop rushing me!
You're worse than Terry.
So, it's official.
The whole town hates us.
Don't worry, I have Oscar on it.
Did you reason with Gale?
Tried. Failed.
He seems to think he and his club
can just take over The Moonshine,
and what's even more disturbing
is I'm still so attracted to him.
Oh, my God! I'm gonna lose everything.
End up raising my kids in the woods.
Bathing in the ocean. Eating squirrels.
Thank you for that
filthy, hillbilly segue.
It just reminded me of what
may now be our only option.
- Jill LeBlanc.
- I told her it was a bad idea.
You knew about this?
Didn't think she was actually
gonna go through with it.
Are you actually
going through with it?
This is not a war
we can win on our own,
and the only thing scarier
than a Marauder
The birthing video I
watched online this morning?
- A loving, supportive partner?
- A LeBlanc!
Think about it.
Jill's stuck in prison.
All her assets have been
frozen so she can't make bail.
She needs just as much as we need her.
We have no money!
She has my money hidden somewhere.
Foxton PD never found
my duffle bag of cash
when they busted her.
The enemy of my
enemy is a friend of mine.
Okay. I'm aligned.
Let's do this. I'll drive.
No, I need to talk to Jill on my own,
one businesswoman,
slash failed matriarch, to the other.
And I need Crystal to get me in.
So, this is it, then?
This is war!
- Battle up, bitches!
- Ugh!
- (ROCK MUSIC)
- Come on, do the thing!
- No, I'm not.
- Up high.
- Nora.
- Oh, my God.
- War!
- Yes!
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
(CUTS ENGINE)
(DOORS CREAK OPEN, SHUT)
LIDIA: Hi. (GIGGLES)
Um, oh,
Crystal LeBlanc.
(CARD SNAPS)
That's me!
Thanks!
(GATE CREAKS SHUT)
(LOCK CLICKS OPEN)
(DOOR CLUNKS SHUT)
♪
(HAND TAPS ON BENCH)
♪
- (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
♪
(LOCK BUZZES, METAL DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
♪
♪
LIDIA: Hear me out.
Two minutes, tops.
Why the Hell should I do that?
Because I wanna make a deal
and in the grand scheme of things,
may benefit you more than me.
I assume this has something
to do with the Marauders
- setting up camp?
- You heard?
What'd you think,
he was in it for your
- pretty blue eyes?
- Maybe.
Gale Favreau and his merry
gang of thugs
have always only had one goal in mind,
to find a primo spot in Foxton
to use for their own operations.
To be fair, I used Gale too.
Over, and over, and over again.
(DEEP INHALE AND EXHALE)
What do you want?
I want us to work together.
The LeBlancs and
Finley-Cullens back in action,
to make sure Foxton isn't
overrun by criminals
who aren't us.
- Pass.
- Jill.
You're being held for trial
because you can't raise
money for bail.
And you can't get bail
because the RCMP froze
your dirty accounts.
- I'm done here.
- I know you have my money.
The duffle bag of cash, $150K,
which whew,
would bring up a lot of questions
if your unemployed,
criminal relative showed up with it.
But tell me where it is,
and I'll post bail tonight.
♪
But to be clear,
I'm doing this because
Foxton is my turf.
You get me outta here
and bring me Gale,
and my guys will move in
and beat the crap outta the Marauders.
I'll take care of the rest.
And by the way,
you can tell my daughter
to get the Hell outta my house.
I don't appreciate her
sending you in her place.
Though, I have to admit,
you do look great in hot pink.
Now, about that money.
(LID RATTLES)
LIDIA: Gotta hand it to Jill
for her money hiding ingenuity.
What is with this summer
and assembly lines
of illegal behaviour?
Life was so much easier back in May
when I was having
an illicit love affair
with my sister's husband,
and was content knowing I would
die in shame and obscurity.
Oh, poor, poor Nora,
on the verge of celebrity,
and in love with a man
who doesn't put his needs before hers.
Can't you see this
is a beautiful thing?
Know what's beautiful?
The fact that you are using
your hard-earned money
to bail out the woman you put in jail.
Here's a thought.
Why don't we leave her to rot,
and you know, pay off our tax debt?
No. Jill's the only way
of saving The Moonshine.
We bail her out, hand over Gale,
let the criminal cards
fall where they may.
Questions?
CRYSTAL: Yeah, um, ooh.
Uh, can you guys lock up
when you're done?
The key's under the legless gnome.
- You got it.
- You okay?
You sure you have a place to go?
- You wanna come home with me?
- Oh no! I'm fine.
Next stop, destiny!
Right? (NERVOUS GIGGLE)
Okay. Come here.
♪
(BAG RATTLES)
(LAWN CHAIR CLATTERS)
(TIRES RUMBLE)
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
♪
- LITTLE OINK: Oh shit!
- Hey.
You need a hand, friend?
Maybe that lawn chair is trying
to tell you something.
Reading tea leaves
in a lazy lounge recliner deluxe?
Not gonna convince me to stay.
Well, that's too bad.
This rum might be my best ever.
Come on.
Stay for my party.
Could be our last.
Look, rum,
no, it's just not gonna fix this.
History begs to differ.
Do you know that rum
is the cornerstone beverage
of the West Indies,
the Maritime provinces,
Newfoundland and Labrador?
It's a drink of community.
A way for friends to come together.
- Especially in times of trouble.
- (SCOFFS)
I want to stay your friend,
Ken, I really do,
but your allies are bailing.
And looks like you are, too.
Your daughters appear
to be the only ones
willing to fight for this place.
For shame, good sir.
For shame.
♪
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH IN THE FOLIAGE)
♪
I hear you're
taking over our business.
Huh.
I hope we can find some common ground.
Well, that's big of you.
I suppose it is.
Want a drink?
Uh, what the Hell.
(ALCOHOL BURBLES)
(THUMB TAPS ON PHONE)
RHIAN: You shopping for LA
or every member of the
Broken Social Scene, ever?
You obliterate weeds to chill.
I window shop.
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
- (LIDIA SIGHS)
Okay.
Bail's been posted.
Jill's getting released tomorrow.
Only thing left to do
is deliver Gale to Jill.
- And I have a plan.
- Hmm.
(PAPER CRINKLING)
- It involves
- No, no violence, Rhian.
(GRUMBLES)
Then we go to Plan B.
Use your magic pumpum.
Magic pumpum?
Oscar and I have been researching
how to explain body parts
to the unborn twins,
and the word for vagina that
resonated most for me,
was "pumpum".
There's no way I'm having
sex with Gale
now that he's a confirmed murderer.
Oh, look who suddenly has standards.
- (GASPS)
- Whoa!
- God, where did you get that?
- Dark web.
Can't you online shop
like a normal person?
- LIDIA: Seriously.
- At least I checkout,
and not just of my life
and relationships.
Okay.
- (PAPER CRINKLES)
- Back to Plan A.
(LOUD THUD THEN GRUNT OUTSIDE)
♪
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
- (GASPS)
You lose somethin'?
Oh, my God.
- He's a big fan of my rum.
- Huh.
He knew big, bad,
biker boy's a lightweight?
My moonshine is lethal.
And I clocked the son of a bitch.
Yes!
This works too!
(WAVES LAP)
♪
Hey. I uh,
I wanted to give you this.
It's a marijuana plant.
Represents growth.
Hopefully my own.
Soon to be this plant's.
(PLAYFUL LAUGHER IN THE DISTANCE)
My first van warming gift.
Hmm?
Oh uh, this my new home.
Uh, my Mom kicked me out,
so now I am
child of the tides.
You know, owned by no one but the sea.
You know, you could move back
into the trailer with
No.
You need to concentrate on you.
You have stopped drinking.
And fate has brought your first
love back to you,
- and you have a
- No.
A brother-son to think about.
I really don't need to
concentrate, Crystal because
I do.
You know, on my business,
and on myself.
And if the universe
decides to send something
beautiful my way
I am ready,
but if not, which is more
likely, then that's okay
because I am very accustomed
- to being let down.
- Crystal
And by the way, a marijuana plant
does not signify growth.
So, if you will excuse me,
you are blocking my view.
♪
♪
Oh, oh
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪
(WAVES LAP)
♪
(SLIPPERS CLAP LIGHTLY)
♪
Hear you're heading out tomorrow.
Uh, yeah.
(FOOTSTEP THUD)
(SIGHS) I don't know how you did it.
All these kids.
Emotional whack-a-mole.
With the occasional bout of joy.
Thank you for raising him.
He's incredible.
And I know a big part
of that is because of you.
All we can do is try.
(TEARY EXHALE)
I did try, you know.
I loved that little baby so much.
For the first time in my life
I had someone
who loved me unconditionally.
But it was selfish.
I was a kid, and he deserved more.
For the record
it's you who deserves thanks.
Sammy changed my life.
All of our lives, for the better.
Whatever happens, just know
you have lots of people
who love you unconditionally now.
♪
♪
- (LIDIA GRUNTS) Jesus!
- Oh, God!
- Is that muscle or leather?
- To the chair, to the chair.
- To the chair? Okay.
- Yeah, back him in.
- Okay.
- NORA: This is hard.
- Okay, give a nice bump.
- Okay! Yep! Ugh!
- Slide back.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay. Oh, look.
- Okay, yeah.
Let's throw some sunnies on him.
Grab some duct tape,
and we're good to go.
No one will be the wiser.
Yeah, we take turns guarding him
- until Jill's guys show up.
- And then,
Jill and Gale will have
a reasonable conversation,
where they'll come up with a
mutually beneficial compromise.
Ha.
Lidia, you want the cobra dead,
you bite the head off the cobra!
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Oh, God! Oh, God, you're right.
Jill's gonna kill Gale.
♪
(REALIZING EXHALES)
Is this who we are now?
- As messed up as our enemies?
- Ugh.
With no moral compass?
Willing to do anything to protect
a soggy patch of dirt,
and pile of old wood?
Oh, God.
Are we as bad as people say?
("GOLD DUST WOMAN" BY FLEETWOOD MAC)
(EMOTIONAL EXHALE)
♪
Rock on, Gold Dust Woman ♪
(GATE CLANGS OPEN)
Take your silver spoon ♪
Dig your grave ♪
(TAILGATE CLUNKS)
(ITEMS CLATTER)
- Heartless challenge ♪
- (COCKS GUN)
Pick your path and I'll pray ♪
♪
(CLIP SNAPS)
(DOOR SHUTS, TIRES RUMBLE,
GRAVEL SPATTERS)
Wake up in the morning ♪
See your sunrise ♪
Love to go down ♪
♪
Lousy lovers ♪
Pick their prey ♪
But they never cry out loud ♪
Cry out ♪
(FLAMES CRACKLE)
Well, did she make you cry ♪
Make you break down ♪
And shatter your illusions of love ♪
And is it over now ♪
Do you know how ♪
To pick up the pieces and go home ♪
(MUSIC FADES)
GALE: It's clever.
Siccing the old man on me
before you throw me to the wolves.
(FIRE CRACKLING)
Wolves have nothing
on my father. Apparently.
Do whatever it is you gotta do.
(FIRE CRACKLES)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(LIDIA SIGHS)
It was real. You and me.
Not well thought out, but
real.
But I want you to know, this uh,
this isn't what did it for me.
It's not who you were.
To me.
You think I wouldn't rather
spend my days baking bread?
Or infusing honey.
Instead of digging shallow graves?
I do what I do
for the club.
And we're all
beholden to our families.
Doesn't mean I can't
choose my own fate.
And you can, too.
(FIRE CRACKLES)
♪
(LIDIA SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT)
(BOX CUTTER RATTLES)
(LIDIA SNIFFLES)
Why are you helping me?
'Cause it's the right thing to do.
(EMOTIONAL SIGH)
The Feds are building a case
against the Marauders.
And you need to get out
while you still can.
You need to run. Now.
♪
♪
♪
I really wanted to
build a life with you.
Of course you did.
- I'm delightful.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
(TAPE CRINKLES)
♪
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH IN THE FOLIAGE)
♪
(ROCK MUSIC)
♪
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)
MAN: You're not welcome! Go home!
- (CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
- Get outta here!
BEA: It's that bittersweet
time of the year.
When we bid adieu to summer.
A slow, melancholy goodbye
that starts with Labour Day
and ends once the last leaf drops.
The tans will fade,
but memories endure.
Even the crap we really
wish we could forget.
And the guests we didn't invite.
And how do we celebrate
this happy death?
By making more memories
with Ken's famous moonshine!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Ha, ha, ha!
- (DAGGER ZIPS)
- Ooh! Ha, ha, ha!
To an uneventful winter!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Where's Gale?
Jill's here. Time for the handover.
- (SIGHS) I let him go.
- What?
We can't be responsible
for the death of a man.
The Finley-Cullens are many things,
but we are not killers.
Intentionally, anyway.
I knew you wouldn't be able
to go through with it.
Say goodbye to Gale.
Don't hurt him.
I'm sending my guys there right now.
Take down the leader,
Foxton's mine again.
(CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
JILL: Come on, let's move.
We've got work to do.
RHIAN: Is she gonna
go kill Gale right now?
- (WORRIED SIGH)
- Not if I warn him first.
(PANICKED BREATHING)
Oh, God, please pick up.
(MIC FEEDBACK)
I also have something
that I would like to say.
This summer,
the shittiest ever.
But it's also been one of the best.
Because it made me realize
that I haven't been putting
the emotional needs of others
before my own.
That was then.
But this is now. Right now.
Which is why I'm sending
something beautiful
Crystal's way.
Crystal?
Crystal?
There you are! Crystal
Um, hi Ryan. I-I'm really
busy. Right now.
And-and I don't need a speech.
I know.
That's why I wanna
give you this, instead.
(BUTTON CLICKS)
♪
Ryan, are you okay?
Ha!
- WOMAN: Woo!
- MAN: Yeah!
("REAL LOVE" BY ROBIN S.)
(CROWD CHEERS)
Ahhhh ♪
That's my shirt!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Heartbreaks and promises ♪
Hi, Nora!
I've had more than my share
- (HANDS CLAP)
- Tired of giving my love ♪
This is my favourite song!
And getting nowhere ♪
Nowhere ♪
Everyone is dancing for me?
All I really need is somebody ♪
Who will always be there ♪
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh!
This time around for me, Baby ♪
Actions speak louder than words ♪
♪
Show me, show me, show me, Baby ♪
Give it to me, give it to me ♪
(CROWD CHEERS)
I am not toy, I'm not a play thing ♪
You've got to understand ♪
(CROWD CHEERS)
You've got to show me love ♪
CRYSTAL: Woo!
You've got to show me love ♪
Words are so easy to say ♪
Woo! Woo!
You've got to show me love ♪
There's nothing
that you can tell me ♪
- (RYAN LAUGHS)
- You did all this for me?
No, it's for your business.
We're filming the whole thing.
It's a flash mob, Moonshine style.
Crystal Clean is gonna go viral, Babe!
Ha! Crystal Clean means
more to me than anything!
Well, almost anything.
Crystal,
will you move back into
the trailer with me?
Only if we're the new and improved
- Crystal and Ryan.
- Yeah!
Hell, yeah! Ah!
You've got to give it
to me, give it to me ♪
Give it to me, yeah ♪
I don't want no fakes,
don't want no phony ♪
CROWD: Oink! Oink! Oink!
I need your love ♪
If you're looking for devotion ♪
(CHEERING)
CROWD: Oink! Oink! Oink!
Oink! Oink! Oink!
Ohhh!
It's okay. Ugh!
(CROWD CHEERS)
Guaranteed ♪
- (CHEERING)
- Moonshine's back, biatch.
OPERATOR: We're sorry,
the number you have dialed
is not in service at this time. (BEEP)
♪
I'm on fire ♪
Look at what I make ♪
(ALCOHOL POURS)
BEA: Hmm. It's nice. Ani's still here.
Ah, you could check out
anytime you'd like,
- but you can never leave.
- Hey!
- Hey, kids.
- Sammy, Ani.
Uh, Ken, can I see your dagger?
Sure.
(DAGGER CLANGS GENTLY)
Where'd you find this?
Oh, some rugrat with a grudge
tossed his retainer,
back in '87.
I dredged the pond
and I found that bad girl in the mud.
I think this is way older than '87.
I think this is a Viking dagger.
- What?
- A scramasax.
- What?
- Vikings? Here?
Likely only as a summer camp
on their way back to Greenland.
- OG seasonals.
- Huh.
We'd need expert confirmation
and a team to excavate the pond but
Experts? That sounds expensive, Ani.
No! I am the expert.
- I can make this happen.
- What?
This could save us.
Yeah.
So, you're saying,
The Moonshine could
be a historical site?
It could be.
Protected land?
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
- Protected land.
- Yeah.
No one can take that from you.
Not even the tax man.
Well, here's to old things.
- Up yer goddamn kilt!
- (BEA LAUGHS)
(ANI LAUGHS)
(WAVES LAP)
TERRY: Sorry I'm late. (SIGHS)
I had to book half of Foxton
for disorderly conduct.
(WAVES LAP)
- Nora, look
- Just wait.
I need to get this out.
Terry,
you are everything
I never knew I wanted.
But my entire life has
been based around dudes.
- You're breaking up with me?
- No!
But
I need to be brave.
And I need to go to LA on my own.
Why is this about the house?
'Cause if it's about the house,
forget about the
No, Terry.
It's like I've barely
left this province.
And I know myself.
If you're with me in LA,
I won't put myself out there.
I won't be brave,
because you will be there
being brave for me.
Sounds like a breakup to me.
♪
It's just an eight-month contract.
I will be back next summer.
And we will have so
much dirty video sex.
(WAVES LAP)
♪
(EMOTIONAL EXHALE)
I understand.
♪
And I'll be waiting.
(TEARY) I know you will.
("HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN" BY CCR)
♪
♪
Someone told me long ago ♪
There's a calm before the storm ♪
I know ♪
It's been comin' for some time ♪
♪
When it's over, so they say ♪
It'll rain a sunny day ♪
I know
Shinin' down like water ♪
♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
Comin' down on a sunny day ♪
Yeah ♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
I wanna know ♪
Have you ever seen the rain ♪
Comin' down ♪
On a sunny day ♪
♪
(HAMMERING IN DISTANCE)
♪
♪
♪
LIDIA: Oh shit.
♪