No Good Nick (2019) s02e08 Episode Script

1 [DRUM INSTRUMENTALS.]
- [BREAKING GLASS.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Nice.
- Great follow-through.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Well, did the Super Duper, Ed Thompson, Feel-Your-Feelings Destructo Bar, patent pending, do its job? Oh, hell no.
I'm ready to tear the whole world apart.
You know, first my restaurant is shut down by the health department indefinitely and Top Chef is making me a laughing stock.
On the bright side, your auto-tune video did go viral.
[LIZ.]
Come back here! - [FILTERED DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [LIZ.]
I am not a rat lady! - [AUTO-TUNE SINGING.]
Not a rat lady - Too soon? - [AUTO-TUNE.]
I'm not a rat lady - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
What about Fortissimo? Ha! That's definitely dead.
You know, you don't have a swarm of rats invade your restaurant and then say, "Hey, come to my new one.
It's probably only got possums.
" [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
That's too bad.
Wow.
What a mess.
There is a lot of cleaning up to do.
Well, good luck with that.
I'm off to school.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Yeah, me too.
If smashing stuff didn't make you feel better, I'm out of ideas.
- Oh, don't worry.
I've got a new plan.
- You do? Yeah.
I am going to hunt down the person who butchered my dreams.
- Butchered is a strong word.
- Butchered! - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Think about it.
A horde of rats come in the same day that Top Chef is there to film? [SCOFFS.]
Come on! That's obviously a setup! It doesn't make any sense.
Who would do that to you? That's exactly what I'm going to find out.
And when I get that monster, I'll make them admit what they did.
Then I'll get back on Top Chef and Crescendo will be as strong as ever.
- I'll help you find this guy.
- Perfect.
[GASPS.]
There's a mason jar that's not completely broken.
[EXHALES.]
I'm going to kick it.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Well, I'm glad that you're going to help your mom, but maybe no one's at fault.
Maybe the rats just came from the dumpster behind the restaurant.
Maybe.
I guess we'll find out.
If there's any evidence that she's been set up, isn't it our job to help her prove it? You're right.
I'm glad you're on the case.
- [GLASS BREAKS.]
- [LIZ.]
Who's the mason now, jar? Because I'm real scared of that.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT OPENING CREDITS PLAYING.]
Lisa's idea for the outgoing student council gift is uninspired.
Upgrading the auditorium sound system is, frankly, pedestrian.
- How dare you? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
You are out of order.
I have the gavel.
- [HOLLOW KNOCKING.]
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Now, my idea for a glass case to house pictures of distinguished alumni is the clear choice.
It's aspirational.
In the near future, students will look upon my picture and think, "Wow, the 49th President of these United States, Jeremy Thompson, sure was handsome in high school.
" [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
And I'm going to be his VP.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Just sleep on it.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Okay, as much as I love privileged, white men in politics [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
we should do my idea because I'm a senior and I'm actually leaving next year.
See, Jeremy is only a sophomore, so he'll have plenty more chances to erect lame monuments to himself.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [BELL RINGS.]
[TEACHER.]
Okay, let's pick this up during free period.
You are all exhausting.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
So just so I know are we going to keep pretending like nothing ever happened? [JEREMY SCOFFS.]
What are you talking about? I mean, you're busy, I'm busy.
We're both so busy.
- [BAG ZIPPING.]
- Okay.
I get it.
Well, for what it's worth, I think your idea for the student council gift is great.
[CONTINUED ZIPPING.]
Wait, Eric So Uh looks like you were right about that Trojan horse conspiracy.
[ERIC CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I guess I'm not so crazy after all, huh? Maybe not.
Well, I'd better get going.
I have to study for Ms.
Lee's big chemistry test tomorrow.
Good luck.
I know you'll nail it.
Thanks.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
- Ms.
D'Amato! - [DOOR CLOSES.]
There's a car in the faculty parking lot that must have left their sunroof open because there's two squirrels in there fighting.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Or something.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Oh, my.
I wrote down the license plate number.
Thanks.
I'll make an announcement.
Okay.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[MS.
D'AMATO.]
Attention, there is a squirrel fight happening in a car in the faculty parking lot, license plate 6FTL322.
- Oh, my God! - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
And it's possible the squirrels are not fighting and may in fact be mating.
Oh, my God! [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[KEYS CLICKING.]
[UPBEAT ROCK INSTRUMENTALS.]
What am I looking at? I don't have my glasses.
On your head, dumb-dumb.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
So I've been keeping tabs on Nick, just like I promised.
Now, I don't know exactly what she's up to, but I see her in the park with this guy a lot.
Strong jaw.
Great posture.
An air of quiet menace.
- It's like looking in a mirror.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
This has got to be her new fence.
She must have pulled one over on us with that failed phone heist that you tried to turn into a date.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- The police blotter said that the phones were never recovered.
That security guard must have been in on it.
She double crossed me.
- You think? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Nick's the best we've ever seen.
So you stay on her and find out exactly what she's up to with this guy.
If he doesn't wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom, I want to know about it.
- Really? - Yeah, because that's just gross.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Don't screw this up.
We have a friend on the parole board that can make life difficult for a parent in prison.
I won't let you down.
No.
You won't.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[SCOFFS.]
Mom, bad news.
Cheri Middendorf has an alibi.
She was at her villa in Florence.
See? [LIZ EXHALES.]
[LIZ.]
It's not even nice.
It has an obstructed view of the Duomo.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Um Who should I look up next? Cheese on seafood loser.
He's always been my number one suspect.
He was there that night and he was complaining.
On the other hand isn't that what the perp would want me to think, to throw me off the scent? [STAMMERS.]
I guess.
On the other other hand, isn't that what the perp would want me to want to think? You know, so I would follow the scent, think it was the wrong scent, only to find out I was following a scent that was just a red herring.
- I don't know.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
The pattern is here.
I just have to allow myself to see it! [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Look, [SIGHS.]
we don't even know his name.
Wait.
What if we pull a still from the security footage at Crescendo? Then we can use an image search to ID him.
Great idea.
I'll bring the board.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Yeah, this feels like an at-home board.
[CHUCKLES.]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT ROCK INSTRUMENTALS.]
And, on an environmental cost basis, my display case will leave a much smaller carbon footprint.
I know where I'd like to put my footprint.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
And, finally, my last point to blow Lisa out of the water [CLICK.]
[GROUP GASPS.]
Wait, what is this? Those are the answers to tomorrow's test.
Wait, no.
That That is not mine.
What is going on? - Oh! Oh, me.
I know.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I know what's going on.
[INHALES.]
Jeremy's a cheater.
[GROUP SIGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
Are you sure we can't go back to that pass-phrase thing? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Dude.
Have fun in other ways.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Now, hurry up.
I'm cutting lunch for this.
Okay, well, let's get down to business.
You missed last week's payment.
And when you're late, there's consequences for your dad.
I'd sure hate to see you need another lesson in punctuality.
You don't have to do that.
I get it.
Look, just because you're planning to steal that diamond necklace, which, by the way, I do not think you will pull off, doesn't excuse you from making your interest payments.
I understand.
And I will pull it off.
[WILL.]
Let go of me! Hey, Pauly.
I found this kid taking pictures of you from the bushes.
Who sent you? No one.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I was just taking pictures of birds.
[PAUL SIGHS.]
[BEEP.]
What do you want me to do with him? [SIGHS.]
I've got bad news for you, kid.
- [GRAVEL CRUNCHING.]
- Wait, don't hurt him! He's my boyfriend.
- [NICK CHUCKLES.]
- [AUDIENCE OOHS.]
He takes one photography class and now he just can't stop - taking candid photos of me.
- [WILL CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
He says I'm his muse.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
I remember what young love was like.
- Makes you do some pretty crazy things.
- [NICK CHUCKLES.]
Nick don't forget what we talked about, okay? Give the kid his camera back.
[PLASTIC SNAPS.]
[PLASTIC HITS GROUND.]
[CRUNCH.]
[AUDIENCE OOHS.]
Thank you for saving me.
What did you tell the Harbaughs? I am so sorry.
They said they'd make things bad for my mom.
What do they know? They haven't connected all the dots yet.
But I know you've been stealing for your dad.
And it's only a matter of time before they figure it out, too.
How long do I have? Look I can buy you a few more days.
But the Harbaughs barely trust me.
[EXHALES.]
Great.
Paul, and now the Harbaughs.
It's like the walls are closing in.
I'm sorry.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
I know.
[NICK SIGHS.]
Why would I steal a test? I'm getting an A in chemistry.
Yeah, maybe because you've been stealing all the tests.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
You'll always do whatever you have to do to get ahead.
Everything has to be according to your plan.
Who cares about everyone else? Nice try, Lisa.
Like I already told you, she set me up.
Are you insane? Jeremy Look, I mean, okay, she has hated me ever since I beat her for president.
That is not true.
I hated him long before that.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Besides, he was the one caught red-handed with the answer key.
She's right.
[SIGHS.]
This is an honor code violation.
We may have to suspend Jeremy.
[STAMMERING.]
But But, Dad, I didn't do anything.
[ED SIGHS.]
Alright, hold on.
[EXHALES.]
Let's not make any rash decisions.
Alright? In this country, aren't we innocent until proven guilty? Well, that That is true.
Right.
.
I know what kind of a person my son is.
Right? He's honest and hard-working.
He does have an impeccable record.
[ED.]
Yeah.
So if he says he didn't do it, he didn't do it.
How about this? [SIGHS.]
In lieu of a suspension, we will open an investigation.
So, for now Jeremy is innocent until proven guilty.
[SIGHS.]
Are you kidding me? [CHUCKLES.]
Thank you all for coming.
[LISA SIGHS.]
[LISA SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Well, you may have fooled them, but you didn't fool me.
Nixon.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- I am not Nixon, because I am not a crook.
And I am also not resigning.
We'll see about that.
Hey, Ed, what are you doing here? What's going on? - Just a minor problem, but I solved it.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Lisa tried to frame me and get me suspended.
[GASPS.]
Oh, that's crazy.
- Did it work? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
No way.
Dad totally stepped up.
Lisa came at the king and she missed.
It's going to take a lot more than some planted test to take me down.
Yeah.
I guess so.
I am not giving up control.
Especially not to her.
Easy.
I've got to get back to work.
I feel like I'm on a roll.
I'm going to go solve some problems at the bank.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[JEREMY SIGHS.]
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTALS.]
[LIGHT CLICKS ON.]
- Whoa.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
Time to catch a criminal.
Okay, let's see what this cheese loser guy does after he leaves.
We need to catch him releasing the rats.
[EXHALES.]
Okay Okay, here he is getting thrown out of the restaurant.
[LIZ.]
Let's switch to the external camera.
[KEYS CLICKING.]
Look, he's getting into his car! I bet that's where the rats are! - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- And he's driving away.
To go get the rats.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- [CLICKING.]
- Fast forwarding.
[MOLLY.]
There's everyone fleeing the restaurant.
[SIGHS.]
He never came back.
Wow.
Looks like he didn't do it.
No, he could have released the rats in the alley and we would never have seen it.
You know, that camera broke the night of the wine tasting.
I don't know, Mom.
I think you're grasping at straws.
Maybe Dad was right.
Maybe this is no one's fault.
But what about Eduardo? The rats came from the kitchen.
Eduardo was in the kitchen.
He's the sous chef.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- He's always in the kitchen.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
So we're back to Cheri.
Okay, she could have easily flown in from Italy in a day, released the rats, and then made it back to Italy in time to post that picture of her hideous nine-bedroom villa.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Mom, stop.
Listen to yourself.
There's no evidence for any of this.
[STAMMERS.]
I don't think any of these people are out to get you.
Well, someone is out to get me, okay? And I can't let them win.
We just have to expand our list of suspects.
[STAMMERS.]
You know I don't know.
Let's try another camera angle.
Maybe I can get a reflection or something.
If you really expand the list I guess it could be anybody.
Okay, let's think.
Why would someone want to take my restaurant down? [LIZ.]
Oh.
For the same reason I took down that Franzelli place.
[STAMMERS.]
What do you mean? I mean, look at that place.
[LIZ.]
All boarded up.
Oh, do you think that's where the rats came from? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- No.
It's just [SIGHS.]
I was so proud when I shut them down.
I thought I was playing this masterful game of chess that I was winning and they didn't even know they were playing.
But now someone just did the same thing to me and suddenly I don't like this game anymore.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
I call this meeting to order.
Now, before we begin, let me just say that even though someone clearly has it in for me, that I am a fair and magnanimous leader and I am willing to let it go.
Now, Eric, please read the minutes from the last meeting.
What is that? It's for Lisa.
I guess you have a secret admirer.
- [EXHALES.]
It's a blessing and a curse.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Huh.
Looks like someone does have it in for you.
I just got the most interesting anonymous tip.
What are you talking about? - Okay, what is going on? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Let's find out, shall we? - [GROUP GASPS.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Are those what I think they are? The ballots from the student council election.
Looks like the test answers weren't the only thing you stole.
Please tell me this is a conspiracy.
[STAMMERING.]
It is.
I didn't do it.
I am innocent! I knew it.
I'm the rightful president.
[PANTS.]
I move to impeach Jeremy Thompson.
Second.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Settle down, people.
I demand an investigation.
Yeah.
I demand you notify my college applications that I'm the rightful president.
- This is outrageous.
- This is a witch hunt.
[BANGING.]
Order! Point of order.
Sorry, Boss.
I'm not going down with you.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT ROCK INSTRUMENTALS.]
Sure has been quite a day.
Thank you for coming back.
No problem.
I hadn't made it halfway back to the bank when I got your call.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Let's get down to it.
[SIGHS.]
It seems that we have discovered the real ballots from the student election earlier this year would show that Lisa would have won.
This, in tandem with the stolen test on his computer [SIGHS.]
I'm sorry to say I have no choice but to expel Jeremy.
- What? - [AUDIENCE OOHS.]
[STAMMERS.]
But I didn't do it.
[SCOFFS.]
Expel him? What happened to innocent until proven guilty? Yeah.
He's guilty.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
I'm ruined.
My life's over.
Your life is not over.
I'm sorry I couldn't fix this for you, but this is just a setback.
Alright? When one door closes, another one opens.
It's always darkest before the dawn Don't try to smooth this over with clichés.
I just lost my whole future.
I know it seems like that right now but it's going to be okay.
Somehow.
How? How is this going to be okay? There's no coming back from this.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
I know it was you.
Jeremy, what are you talking about? Don't bother denying it.
It's obvious.
You predicted the exact vote count.
You stuffed the ballots.
I should have known.
No, I did know.
But I didn't say anything.
So you used it against me.
You destroyed me.
[VOICE TREMBLING.]
Everything I've worked for all of my plans [EXHALES.]
my resume from the future, you made it all go away, just like that.
Jeremy, you know I couldn't You know, I clearly don't know anything about you.
Do I? I was a jerk to you for a long time.
Is that why you did it? Did I create you or was I just right about you all along? Were you really my friend or were you just pretending so it would hurt me more? Jeremy just listen to yourself.
You sound crazy.
[CHUCKLES.]
[STRAINED.]
Exactly.
No one will believe me now, because I'm the boy who cried wolf.
Well played.
Jeremy, I don't know what you want.
Do you know how bad it sucks that the one person who knows my most personal intimate secret about me is the same person who betrayed me? [MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
When we shared that moment it meant something to me.
Guess it didn't to you.
So I hope this was all worth it.
Because now you have to live with yourself.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS CONTINUE.]
This place was really something, wasn't it? Yeah.
It was.
And it can be again.
I don't know.
I think I need to reassess my priorities.
Seeing that Franzelli's sign made me realize I've made some bad choices.
I tried so hard to win, but - in the end, we both lost.
- [PLASTIC UTENSIL CLATTERS.]
You know a wise woman once told me not to let my obsession with winning cloud what's important.
You're right.
It turns out, life isn't something you can win.
[INHALES.]
So [EXHALES.]
now that we don't need to win anymore [SIGHS.]
where does that leave us? I'll admit, we haven't been the best versions of ourselves, but, you know, we can aspire to be better.
[MOLLY SIGHS.]
Let's go home.
[KEYS JINGLE.]
- [LIGHT CLICKS OFF.]
- [MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
[GATE RATTLES.]
- Hey, Nicky.
- [GATE CLICKS CLOSED.]
What's wrong? I got revenge.
I got revenge on the Thompsons.
They were going to move into Franzelli's and I started thinking about all of the stuff that they did to us.
I just snapped.
I've ruined them.
First was Molly.
I stole footage of her saying terrible things about her friends and then I leaked it to them.
And? [STAMMERS.]
And then, I released rats into Liz's restaurant.
The place got trashed.
The whole thing was shut down.
Wow.
[NICK SIGHS.]
And it was hard at first.
But then it got easier and easier and I didn't even have to think about it when I got Jeremy expelled from school.
You got him expelled? Yeah.
[NICK INHALES.]
For a minute I enjoyed it.
[NICK INHALES.]
I mean what does that say about me? [INHALES.]
That I could do this to someone? [FALTERING.]
A whole family.
I'm a bad person.
Wait, no, are you kidding me? No, Nick.
They're the bad guys.
You were just righting a wrong.
You're the good guy in this story.
[SNIFFLES.]
How? How am I a good guy? [INHALES.]
I betrayed them.
I lied to them.
I tore them apart.
I feel like a monster, Dad.
- You did what you had to do.
- [NICK CRIES.]
And I'm proud of you.
Nick, this is everything we've dreamed of.
[NICK SNIFFLES.]
The only one left is Ed.
But [INHALES.]
I don't want to do it anymore.
I don't want to hurt Ed.
- [STRAINED.]
Please - No.
You can't stop now.
Ed is the most guilty of all of them.
If he'd given us an extension on that loan, we wouldn't be in this situation.
No, you have to finish what you started.
You have to do this for me.
For our family.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
I'm so sorry.
You know we believe you.
We'll fight this.
No.
I'm giving up.
I was an idiot for trying to make a resume from the future.
You're not an idiot and you're not giving up.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Nick, perfect timing.
I've called a family meeting.
Let's be honest, we've all been having a rough time of things lately.
I want you to think about how we've all come through for each other.
Molly when you had problems with your friends we were all here for you, right? Yeah.
I don't know what I would have done if I had to go through all of this alone.
Exactly.
And, Liz, when your big night went sideways, we were all here for you.
You really were.
And now, I think I'm ready to make some big changes.
That's amazing.
See? Sometimes bad things can lead to good things.
Like when I thought I was going to lose Ms.
Chang's business.
You all really stepped up, especially your mom.
Today, Ms.
Chang came in to bring her necklace back and she signed the paperwork to move all of her accounts to our bank.
I got the promotion.
- I'm so proud of you.
- Congrats.
This is the promise I want to make to all of you.
We don't know what the future holds.
We don't know how we're going to get through all this.
But no matter what path anyone chooses I will support you.
I will stand behind you, because I've learned that facing challenges head on is the only way to really solve them.
I believe we will get through this.
Because we're Thompsons, and there's nothing we can't solve together.
You're all so lucky to have each other.
You don't deserve what's happened to you.
[STAMMERS.]
I'm sorry.
I'm not feeling well.
I'm going to go lie down.
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]
Hey.
Hey.
Did you get what I asked for? Yeah.
A one-way bus ticket and a fake ID.
Thanks.
Are you sure about this? - [ENVELOPE RUSTLES.]
- Yeah.
I'm done.
[SIGHS.]
I just want to disappear.
You can't run forever.
I have to.
The Harbaughs are getting closer, Paul is on me and And I went to my dad hoping for [SIGHS.]
I don't even know what I was hoping for.
I guess I was hoping he'd just be a better dad.
Our parents probably didn't wind up in jail for being great parents.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Yeah.
I guess not.
[EXHALES.]
But Ed is a great dad.
I can't hurt him.
Not now.
So what are you going to do? The only thing I can do.
I still have to steal that necklace, but only to save my dad.
I'm keeping Ed out of this.
I'm out of the revenge business.
I'll miss you.
You ever think what our lives would be like if life hadn't dealt us such messed-up cards? [SIGHS.]
Every day.
We didn't have to be Boris and Natasha.
Was there any universe where we could be the good guys? The good guys are a moose and a squirrel.
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
- Does that make you Bullwinkle or does - [AUDIENCE OOHS.]
- [KISSING SOUND.]
[MELLOW INSTRUMENTALS.]