Puberty Blues (2012) s02e08 Episode Script

I reckon the dad is little Nathan's dad, her mum's boyfriend.
I think that you want to ruin this for me.
You selfish bitch.
The only reason I'm here is because that slut Cheryl had an abortion and now she's living in my room! I'm up the duff.
It's Candy's? Yeah.
Perfect.
Gary has left the building.
No-one likes to think of their mother in that way.
Gary's left? Jesus.
Whoa! Ha-ha! Are they loaded? We'll make hundreds, mate.
So all we got to do is walk in and walk out rich men.
And this doesn't mean we're going round? Pinky swear? Pinky swear.
Do you remember any of what happened to you? I remember your husband trying to kill me.
No.
Rog.
No! The truth is I'm just a girl from Cronulla who, uh, has sex with her boyfriend and likes it.
And sometimes .
.
I have a joint to relax.
I love you, Debbie Vickers.
Let's go home.
Pamello, why is the child still in bed on a school morning? Well, darling, I went to wake her and I just couldn't.
I mean, look at her.
She's so beautiful.
You shouldn't wake beautiful women, Roger.
You know that.
I thought she'd be jumping out of bed now that Debbie's back.
Debbie's back! - Thanks.
What's on it? - Your favourite.
Whose favourite? My favourite.
Devon and sauce.
You're up.
Yes, it has become apparent that I am now standing in a vertical fashion.
Terrific! Because we are all so looking forward to hearing about what you've got planned for your life ever since you ejected yourself from the greatest opportunity you've ever been given.
We sure are! Well, I haven't really got much to say yet.
Other than "Can you pass the Coco Pops?" Thank you.
I saw a sign in the window of the bakery, looking for help.
Maybe you could make finger buns for the next 40 years.
Morning.
You going to school? Yeah, seems a week in her pyjamas was enough.
School is part of my plan, Mum.
You can't just land on people's laps and say, "I'm here!" Have you told Mrs Grantham that you're coming? Oh, this day is already giving me a headache.
Sweetheart, I'll drive you.
Hey! Settle down, settle down.
What are you doing here, Vickers? Um, I left my other school, so I came back.
Disappointing.
I present to you the wonders of physics.
A ball, a green field, and 13 of the most incredible What did Mrs Grantham say? Same as everyone.
Disappointing, disappointing, disappointing.
I didn't let anyone sit in your seat while you were gone.
Well, I wore the same pair of socks for a week after I saw you to demonstrate the appropriate level of grief.
You're a disgusting disgrace, Debbie Vickers.
Girls! Now, when a football travels through the air, it follows a curved, or parabolic, path because the downward direction of the ball is influenced by the force of gravity.
Here we are.
Watch this.
Watching? Come on, the Sharks.
Come on, the Sharkies! - Go! - Yes! How is that for a parabolic Wonder how long Candy's been perving on Vicki for? She's been in sick bay for weeks.
Now all the girls wanna get up the duff so they can get off class too.
Wonder if he used to perve on her in here.
Wonder if she's ever sucked him off at school.
Ugh! Brain, please, rub that out! - Girls! - Ow! Sir! Get up here, Vickers.
Kiss the screen.
What? No.
Why? Because every day since Year 7 science, all I have heard is the continual chatter-chatter-chatter of you and Sue Knight scratching about each other like two old chooks.
You're back now, and that old, familiar sound is making my face twitch.
You're watching the footy.
I'm teaching you a valuable lesson about a man and his game.
Now, kiss it.
Kiss the Sharks.
Kiss the Sharks.
Welcome back, Vickers.
Tracey's got crabs.
- True? - That's what the boys reckon.
Hey, Sue! I looked up the word 'spunk' in the dictionary.
'Bye.
So, is Woody your boyfriend or not? Mmm, it's this equal mix of "Root me, I think you're funny" and "Piss off, you're annoying me" sort of feeling.
Sue Knight! I think you're in love! Bruce! Shark! What are you doing? - Fishing.
- But there's no water.
How'd you even pass your birth certificate? Well, at least it is good to see you fishing again, mate.
Just trying to keep my mind off shooting up.
Keeps on creeping back in.
Like the Blob, growing all over your brain! Nothing can destroy the Blob.
Nothing.
Not fire, not water.
Not even bullets! Worst movie.
But you can, Brucey.
Son of Blob.
Bloody hell.
What a sorry sight you are! I'd like you to leave.
Yeah? Well, chase me out.
Fuck you.
Go on, let yourself be angry, Graham.
Isn't that what you say when you're poisoning my wife with your fuckin' hippie shit? Some people find it helps.
God, I can't believe you have a dick.
Well, ask your wife about it.
She knows it's there.
You need to tell her it's over.
She's bad luck for you.
And you don't need any more bad luck, do you? No.
Lose gracefully.
Otherwise I'll come in one night .
.
extract your upper rights, maybe a lower cuspid or two as well.
You understand? Good.
You could have at least ironed your school shirt.
If you're wondering how school went I wasn't.
I've given up on wondering.
Well, it went alright.
Well, you should be happy that you can now erase the whole All Saints experience from your memory.
I'm sorry, Mum.
About the way it happened.
It's over to you now, Debbie.
For better or for worse, you are in charge of your life.
I missed you.
More than Gary, less than Sue? As much as.
I missed you too.
- Hello! - What you reckon, Mrs Vickers? - Ah! - You should have seen it.
Mum 'arksed' Greg to come home and 'arkse' Dad if he could have my hand or some shit, and then Dad goes, "I'll shoot him!" But then Greg goes, "I've got Sharks season tickets.
" And now he loves him.
They're best mates.
Congratulations, Mrs Candy.
You're marrying Greg Candy? Shit, yeah.
Vicki, have you thought this through? He's almost twice your age.
I've been dreaming of it my whole life.
We gotta get married quick too, before my belly gets too fat for the pickies.
You're pregnant too? Shotgun! Money Cat, Money Cat.
Where'd all the money go, Money Cat? Roger Knight's losing the plot.
No, no, no.
Roger Knight's losing money hand over fist.
So I'm asking this penny-pinching smarmy little bugger what happened to all the dough we were meant to be raking in, according to you? Well, darling, all I remember is the little guy said one paw is for good luck and one paw is for wealth.
Oh, yeah? Well, which one is it? Hmm? Which paw? Tell me or I'll sell ya.
Oh, darling, don't sell him.
That might be bad luck.
Bye-bye, money.
Bye-bye, now.
So I guess this makes you a bridesmaid.
Guess this makes you a hairy slut-breath.
- Knew you were gonna say that.
- Moll.
And that.
Uh, Cheryl, I wanted to ask you if you'd like a cup of tea.
Nah, I'm alright, thanks.
I said would you like a cup of tea? Where did you get this from? Angus & Coote.
You know, just because Debbie's back, doesn't mean I still don't think you're the best, chuck out all the rest.
You know, "the rest" being Debbie.
Thanks, sprog.
It's the grousest ring I've ever got.
- Morning, girls.
- Morning.
- How you going? - Not bad.
- Have a good one.
Nice day, eh? - Beautiful.
Pammy! Bikinis! Do you know what I love? I love bikinis.
Bikinis? You're looking at my "I've just had the most incredible idea" face.
- Oh, I see.
- It involves your Janome.
Which one? This one or that one out there? That first one first, and then that second one second.
Show me your Janome.
Something old? Your husband? Nah.
I got a shell necklace.
Greg reckons shells are real old.
Alright.
Something new.
Sprog in your guts.
Yeah, true.
You need something borrowed.
Well, you already owe me 10 bucks.
Perf.
And something blue.
The way she's gonna feel when it comes out looking like Danny.
Shut up, you moll, or you can't be bridesmaid.
Who else is gonna be one? Uh, told my sisters they're too fat.
So just you three.
What about me? You're not a blonde.
Debbie, your girlfriend wants you.
You got her a Chiko roll too? Shut up.
Turkish delight? Hazelnut whirl? If I can't unwrap the things myself, because my own fucking hands don't work properly, then it's a shitty fucking thing to bring, don't you think? People understand you're going through a dark patch.
I think that .
.
orange chocolate delight is my favourite.
- Try it.
- No.
Just get away from me.
You're a cane toad, Yvonne.
And you jumped into my life with your leathery skin and your wide, unassuming smile and then you just spat poison all over me from your deathly neck glands.
Gray-Gray? Gray-Gray, what's happened? Are you depressed? I think you're depressed.
I want you and your disgusting cane toad of a husband to hop out that door and never think of me again.
But I'm your soul mate.
You told me what we have is true love.
Just hop the bloody fuck outta here.
Are you breaking up with me? I wish I'd never met you.
If you're trying to free me Oh, go on! Hop! Hop! Hop! Vonnie? You fallen in or something? I'll be out in a minute.
Sorry, darling, I'm not feeling very well.
Mmm.
Is it Graham? He told me not to visit him in the hospital anymore.
Or ever again, was his sentiment.
Oh, poor little Vonnie.
Always wanting to be liked.
Who's that in the mirror? Oh, Ferris, I look terrible.
I'm talking about the handsome bloke standing behind you.
That is your husband .
.
standing here, waiting for you.
Now, what do you say? You reckon we can rebuild this train wreck? Yes.
- Say it again, my darling.
Yes.
- Yes.
Come on.
Let's go downstairs.
I'll open some wine.
You can get the dinner on.
We'll have a night in, hmm? Yeah, that sounds like a lovely idea.
Ferris knows how to make it better.
Oh.
I was expecting the postman.
I was expecting my friend Gavin, bringing back my comics.
I was expecting my mother returning home early from Franklins 'cause she'd forgotten her purse.
I was expecting Johnny Young more than I was expecting you.
Surprise.
Why are you here, Sue? Did Debbie die? Um I wanted to tell you that you can go round with me if you want.
You can't ask.
I'm the guy.
I ask.
Cripes, I'm not asking! I'm saying that if you happened to ask me to go round with you in the next five minutes, there'd be a higher chance that I'd say yes than there ever has been before.
OK.
Well, thanks for the warning.
Well, you gonna ask me? In my own time.
Oh! Come in.
If I was your boyfriend, would you talk to me in front of your friends? I'm not ruling anything out.
You could be my date to Vicki's wedding.
Are you gonna hold my hand? At times.
Are you lifting the French kissing ban? Yeah.
Sue Knight, will you go round with me? Um Yeah, alright.
That was Danny.
Like that, except it's like he's trying to answer a really hard question.
Like - Jonno's the worst.
- Such a dud root.
- Dead root.
- Tongue like a lipstick.
It's like Hey, Mum! - Where's me garter? - How would I know? Youse look beautiful! I'm gonna get the camera.
You're so lucky.
I had to get up the duff to get tits like you.
You're gonna have to keep getting up the duff to keep 'em.
Say cheese! Cheese! - Give us your money! - Get on the fucking ground! Weak act.
Get lost, I'm trying to tie a Windsor.
Pretend like you're packing death.
Oh, help me, I'm packing death.
Gaz, get on the fuckin' ground! Oh! Oh, don't shoot, don't shoot! If you were a fish and chip shop in Botany, you'd be shaking in your boots right now.
Don't do this, Brucey.
You're gonna get busted, trust me.
You should come with us.
We'll give you a cut.
No way! I've got a wedding to go to.
Stacks on! I'm wearing a suit.
I'm wearing a suit! Piss off! Shit! Works.
"Vicki seems attentive "but is not sure of basic religious truths.
" "Talks too much, but not in French.
" "Vicki is very disruptive and talks continuously in class.
" "Room to improve.
" "Room to improve.
" "Room to improve.
" Seems to be a pattern forming here.
"Room to improve.
" Oh, sir, that's slack! Vicki, I don't see any room for improvement.
I've loved you since Year 7.
And I'm gonna keep loving you until we grow old and grey together.
Or at least until I do.
I'm so fuckin' happy, eh? So, bottoms up to my wife.
Whoo! Hey! Hey, Mum.
I don't know what you're smiling at in that dress.
It's Vicki's.
How's Nathan? Pretty shit.
Still waiting on a date for his trial.
I don't care about him.
I was talking about little Nathan.
Your brother hardly knows who you are anymore.
Oopsie.
So, you and Woody are cute together.
I can see why you like him.
He seems fun.
Flush.
Mmm.
Oh, it reeks in here! Sue Knight can't hold her piss! Oh, move, I'm gonna spew.
Oh, Deb, it's happening again.
Hold my veil! Slag.
Bitch.
Spaz.
Tard.
Dog.
I love being up the duff.
Everyone's always telling you to put your feet up, and that you're glowing and stuff.
- It's a winning ticket.
- Yep.
Could it be possible that I'm actually jealous of Vicki? I just love Gary so much that sometimes I feel like I can't hold him tight enough and I just want our cells to merge or something.
You realise the only way your cells can merge grows into something that will follow you around for the rest of your life? Rattled my keys on the bar to make me look 18, then I made up a conversation with the bar lady about a car that I don't own and she gave me free drinks.
So smooth! Uh, there's a tab on the bar.
- He's a strange kind of funny.
- Mmm.
- Debbie Vickers.
- What? It's curfew.
Gotta go home.
Go home, then.
To your own home where your own mum is.
Oh, but that's right.
She doesn't want you.
Well, yours does.
You must realise by now that the only reason my family are pretending to tolerate you in my house is because my mum feels sorry for you.
Well, she likes me more than you.
You're so up yourself.
And your dad asked me to go diving.
Muff diving.
Check out Cheryl! Oh! Ain't no bloke here hasn't seen those tits! Granny bra! He's not a bad boyfriend, I suppose.
Perhaps even a good one? - Then I shall keep him.
- You shall keep him.
- To love! - To love.
Come to mine in the morning.
For breakfast.
Alright! Sleep well, ma cherie! Ahh! You've lost it.
Hey.
I'm getting dizzy.
You know you nearly ruined this.
Don't think about it.
Can't really help that.
Come here.
Don't move.
Don't ever move.
I won't ever move.
Stop that.
Get out of here! Go on, get out! Judy! Oh! Ohh.
Darling, what did I tell you about standing at the end of the bed like that kid from 'The Exorcist'? Can I ask your permission about something? You alright, possum? Can Woody stay the night? As in last night.
Oh, is Woody here? We came back from the wedding and we were talking.
And I don't know what happened.
We dozed off.
Oh, you can't wake a man from sleep and spring things on him.
A second ago I was fast asleep, and now I feel sprung upon.
I didn't want you to wake up and get a shock.
Well, sweetheart, you should have asked us beforehand.
But you know I've always said I'd much rather you under our roof than sneaking around somewhere.
So you're not in trouble.
As long as Woody promises to stay for breakfast, OK? Thanks, Mum.
Stay for breakfast? What are you talking about? Now I've gotta wait on that little mongrel? We may as well get to know him.
Why? Sprog.
You no longer have the privilege of calling me that.
- What are you doing? - I want my ring back.
I want my ring back.
Bloody hell! Fuck! - Jesus.
- Shit.
- Sorry, man.
- Bruce, you can't come in here! - What are you doing? - Nothing.
- Get the fuck out! - I can't.
I really can't.
My stash is under your bed.
That's the best place you could think of to put it? Yeah.
What is all this? Stuff we got from the fish and chip shop last night.
Mate, it went off without a hitch.
You should have seen it, Hennessy.
It was perf.
Honestly, best night of my life.
I'm glad.
I think I might get going.
Woody, how do you like your eggs, sweetheart? Sunny side up.
Sunny side up! Sunny side up, darling.
Sunny side up it is.
Oh, despite what you just did, I think you're doing great.
Right, that's me off! See you later, alligators.
Mwah! See you, Woody! Thank you, Mr Knight.
So, do you prefer 'Mr Knight' or 'Roger'? Or 'Rog'? Oh, Debbie! Uh, toast eggs? Egg and toast! Sue, where are you going? Don't leave me alone with him! Cheryl, slow down.
Before you do anything, we need to talk.
Debbie's back now.
You don't need me here anymore.
Darling, we like having you here.
Stop pretending! I know you all think I'm some low-life slut.
And I am, so .
.
just let me be one.
So, where are you going to go? I don't know.
Maybe I'll find some schoolteacher who can get me pregnant and I'll pop out a couple of sprogs and get fat with Vicki.
She's never been so happy.
No way, Jose.
You can put these things back on the rack.
I don't want to! I won't.
I don't wanna live here anymore! You are all so boring.
And I'm not like you.
And I'm sick of sleeping on the floor like some dog.
But you're doing so well.
Your marks are so good.
Cheryl You think my mum cares about school? Or what I'm gonna be? She doesn't, and that's fine.
That's just who we are.
You're not my family.
Who does David ask for on the football field every Saturday morning? Me.
What colour are Martin's socks? Brown.
He only has brown.
What happens when the news comes on? David has to take a bath.
And does he want to? No.
What does he wanna do? Watch 'Doctor Who'.
Is he allowed? Well, it sounds like you're family to me.
Two, three, four, five, six, seven.
What's going on? Um, Cheryl rooted a guy in your bed.
What? Mum! Debbie, you promised me that you'd be home straight after the wedding, and now here you are, strolling in like it was yesterday.
Where have you been? I can tell you where I haven't been.
I haven't been here, rooting a guy on my bed.
Well, Cheryl is very sorry about that.
And I know that she has a few things that she would like to say to you.
I'm really sorry, Debbie.
Sorry? What a fucking joke.
You took the blanket away from me and Gary when we were outside on the trampoline even though we were cold, because you don't trust me.
Dad said, "Not under my roof," when I was sitting with my knees up at the table.
And you said I'd be out on my ear if I dropped a unit of English.
Well, obviously that's not working, so I'm trying something new.
- What would happen if I did it? - I don't know.
What would happen if I did it, Mum? I don't know.
You are a complete stranger to me.
I don't know what to do with you anymore.
What happened when Cheryl did it? She got a hug.
Ever since I got back, I can't work out if everything's the same or if it's different.
Or maybe I'm different.
I can't tell.
I really can't.
All I know is that my head is spinning and everything seems to be fighting against me being here.
Mum.
Cheryl.
School is completely pointless.
I think they're all sinking.
They're sinking into this place, you know? We're not sinking.
I won't let us sink.
You're the only person who makes sense to me.
I need you too.
Or else who's gonna hold my hair back off my face when I spew? It's you and me, Debbie Vickers.
You and me against the world.
Don't you mean it's me and you? No, I insist.
It's you and me.
- Me and you.
- No, you and me.
- Me and you! - No, you and me! It's you and me.
Come on, it's me and you.
It's you and me.
It's us.