Run the Burbs (2022) s02e08 Episode Script

1
NEWS ANCHOR: Overnight, the city was hit
with a massive snowstorm,
paralysing roads and stopping
traffic in its tracks.
It's bumper to bumper
out there, friends.
If you don't have to go out,
do not go out.
But sorry, kids, schools are open.
It's 8:12.
(SHIVERING)
Shovelled the driveway!
Hercules! Hercules! The whole thing?
Well, not the whole thing,
but the part behind the van.
I'm taking back one "Hercules".
How do the roads look?
Oh, bad.
The snow plough hasn't come
by yet, street or sidewalk.
Kids!
I have to drive you to
school! Leaving in twenty!
KHIA: Okay, Dad!
ANDREW: Shouldn't Sam be here already?
On her way.
She's bringing this fancy new
lens that attaches to my tablet,
so I look super-profesh.
Oh
Your first TV segment, wow! So proud.
That Kardi and Jully Black
dinner is paying off big.
Tell me about it.
Live from Rockridge,
it's Wednesday morning.
I can't believe how calm you are.
I've done livestreams before.
Yeah, but this is live television.
You're out of the stream.
You're in the ocean now!
Look at me. Look at me.
I am the TV chef now.
Okay, okay.
- Okay, okay.
- Okay, later.
But first, I need you to get the
hell out of the house before 8:30.
Aye, aye, Captain. We'll
be gone way before then.
ANDREW: Ooh
You ready for your
team-building exercise?
- Ahh! Ooh!
- Hey, stop that.
I'm gonna put the "exercise"
in "team building exercise".
Alley-oop!
Sure, but isn't team
building supposed to be, like,
trust falls in the
woods or something new.
You and Hudson play
basketball all the time.
Not in the winter. Plus, court
time is super hard to get.
I booked this like a year ago
when Old Man Hargreaves
had a heart attack.
You took a spot from a dead man?
He was only dead for a few minutes.
He's a survivor. I regret nothing.
- Ak.
- Kids! Let's go!
I just gotta make sure
I get there on time.
Why?
Is Old Man Hargreaves
waiting to take his spot back.
Yeah, him and those pickle ball bitches.
- "Bitches", wow.
- I know!
They're just so smug
with their little paddles
and their seniors discounts.
- Hi, Dad.
- ANDREW: Hey.
Morning, Khia.
ANDREW: Khia, we gotta leave asap.
Yeah, I'm just getting my lunch.
Excuse me.
Okay.
I'm just going to get my creps.
Did you know the Brits
call their shoes "creps"?
You don't care. Exiting awkwardly.
Are you seriously still
mad about last night?
(SIGHING)
Oh, the Wi-Fi is out.
What?!
No, no, no. I need that.
Andrew, your fancy new
router isn't working!
- Andrew!
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- Oh. (SIGHING)
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
Uh, Khia, we're not done here, okay?
We're talking before you leave.
Sam, what's up?
So, my train was cancelled.
I got a ride, but the roads are a mess.
We're not even moving.
Uh, okay. Well, how far are you?
I'll be there before 8:30.
- How much before?
- 8:29.
- Sam!
- I know. I know. I'm so sorry.
Look, the lens is super easy to put on.
I'll be there soon.
Oh, great. Okay, well,
I'm hanging up now.
Step on it!
DRIVER: And go where,
fam? I can't go no place.
Yeah, I know. I've just
always wanted to say that.
How does a ring light just
grow legs and walk away?
Khia, did you put my ring light
back after your school thing?
I, uh don't remember.
Okay, well, can you find it?
Please?
Quickly.
Yes, thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're
going the wrong way.
What? Well, apparently,
your wife needs something.
Uh, my wife's name is "Mom".
Your mom. Not my mom. Just hurry.
Leaving in fifteen. Tell your brother.
Babe, is my big gym bag
is my big gym is my big gym
Bag down here?
Um you're the one that
organized the basement.
Did you check the big ban gym bag?
I mean, the big
Gym bag bin.
That is a tongue twister.
Big jam bin big. Bin gym bag ban.
- Big ban gym bin
- I'll just take one pair.
Bin ban gym big bag gym bag
bin bag oh! Damn it, Camille!
Khia! Can I borrow your blush, please?
KHIA: Dad, I think your
wife is saying something.
Hmm Ankle support or looking fresh?
Ooh, looking fresh it is.
Dad, Leo isn't in his
room or the bathroom.
Did he go to school already?
He was working on a blueprint
for a snow fort last night.
Oh, so proud.
Oh, I saw him headed
to the basement earlier.
He looked weird.
Oh.
Okay, thanks. Hurry up.
Ring light?
I don't have it yet.
Why not?
'Cause I was doing stuff for Dad.
You are supposed to be helping!
I thought I was!
Well, can you help her
find the ring light?
KHIA: No. I'll find
it myself. Just relax.
Okay, and your blush.
(SIGHING)
- Leo!
- Ahh! Ahh! Router the reset
reset the router!
Leo, buddy, you down here?
LEO: Yeah.
We gotta go.
What's going on? Taco
Tuesday not sitting well?
You got a little rumble gut? Firerhea?
LEO: No.
I had
The dream.
ANDREW: The one where
the clown is chasing you?
Buddy, we all get nightmares.
You know what I do?
I draw a picture of my dream.
Sometimes I put googly eyes them.
No, Dad.
The wet type of dream.
Wet dream?
(GASPING) It's raining men.
Welcome to the club,
buddy! How do you feel?
I dunno.
You said it was gonna be fun.
It is fun.
My first time I dreamt
about Carmen Sandiego.
It was all about the chase.
Yeah, I don't even remember the dream.
I just went to bed
And woke up with sticky shorts.
I'll get you a clean pair.
(GASPING) The dream kit! I
forgot. I'll be right back.
Leo, don't be ashamed, my boy.
The journey of a thousand
oceans begins with a single drop.
♪
There's gonna be a thousand of these?
(GROANING)
HUDSON (RECORDED:)
Pick up the phone, buddy!
It's me! Huddy-Hudd!
Hudson, my dawg! What's up?
HUDSON: How far away are you?
Leaving in a sec.
HUDSON: You haven't left yet?!
If we're not on the court by 8:45,
they're gonna give it away, man!
I'm coming, I'm coming.
I just gotta drop the
kids off at school first.
HUDSON: Old man Hargreaves
is walking around
slapping his pickle ball racket.
It's intimidating!
Okay, okay, okay, I'm
on my way. Love you. Bye.
HUDSON: Love you, too. Hurry!
Hey! Leaving in ten! No excuses!
Why are you yelling at me?
I've been ready, waiting for you.
Where's Leo?
Dream kit!
Ah! Yes, yes, yes, in the flesh.
Thank you.
So, um
You planning on staying salty all day?
You violated my privacy.
No, I was just
you looked through my phone at 2 A.M.
Yes. But it's not what you think.
Okay. Then, what was it?
- I um
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
I will tell you when I
boy, they really want
to clean our ducts, huh?
You know what? Just tell Dad
that I'm changing super quick.
Khia, there's no time.
- Super quick!
- Khia!
(SIGHING)
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(SIGHING)
DRIVER: Yo, like, what are these cars
even doing out here right now?
It's a snowstorm, like like,
why are you even out
here? It's just like
Hey! Hey! Hey! This car's
trying to I'm here, dog.
You can't come over here
'cause I'm, like, literally in
the place you're trying to be.
Two things can't occupy
the same space, fam.
ANDREW: It's perfectly natural.
Every man goes through it.
Think of your body like a phone.
It only has so many gigs of memory.
So, when it gets full, it
automatically empties the cache.
Empties the cache?
Yeah.
Or you can do it manually.
Think of your body like a recycling bin.
When it gets full, you gotta empty it.
On Sunday?
Or Monday.
Sometimes Tuesday, Wednesday,
twice on Thursdays.
Look. You'll learn that, really,
any day is a good day
to release the kraken.
How do I release the kraken?
ANDREW: I got you covered, bro.
All of your questions will be
answered with the dream kit.
I got the idea from a period
kit we bought your sister.
None of the stores sell them
for boys, so I made up my own.
So unfair.
Girls get everything.
Nope. Never say that again.
So, you want to stay home? Go to school?
Come play ball with me and Hudson?
I think I want to go to school.
ANDREW: Okay then.
Whoa! We gotta go!
Thanks, Dad.
Moby's gonna be so jealous
when I tell him about this.
Oh, buddy, don't be that kid
that brags about sex dreams.
Now, green chillies
Green chillies, green chillies.
That, and then we'll add you
ANDREW: Remember what I said.
"The journey of a thousand oceans
begins with a single drop."
That's my man!
What happened to being
out of here before 8:30?
We'll be gone,
but we had to talk 'cause
last night, he had the dream.
- The one about the clown?
- No!
The dream?
The dream. The dream
Oh my God.
The dream?! What?
But he's a boy. My baby boy!
Well, now, he's a big boy
who can make baby boys.
- Okay, TMI.
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- Oh, God.
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
Do you know this number?
I don't recognize any number.
- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- Hello?
WOMAN: Hi. Is this Camille?
- Yes.
- WOMAN: Fantastic.
I'm Farah, a producer at
Rockridge Morning Live.
And I've been trying
to get a hold of you.
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!
I didn't recognize the number.
FARAH: It's okay. We just need you
on the call in five
minutes before we go live.
Can you jump on?
Five minutes? Definitely. Will do.
On it. Oh, and thank you.
FARAH: No problem. We just
need to check your levels
and make sure the signal
is strong. Otherwise,
we'll have to drop the
segment and go with our backup.
Brynn met Christopher
Walken over the weekend
and has a story that is unreal.
Oh, wow. Amazing.
Love Christopher Walken.
But I will be ready, so
she won't need that. Okay?
FARAH: Great. See you
in a couple minutes.
A couple minutes?
A couple minutes! Okay, okay. Bye!
FARAH: Yep. All right. Okay. Bye.
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, no. I know that look.
I hate that look.
Okay, what do you need? I got you.
I
(SIGHING) No, no, no. Okay.
You know what? I think I I'm good.
Food is good. Tripod is good.
Tablet. Tablet
Quick question while you're calculating:
Why are you and Khia beefing?
Oh, I snuck into her room last
night to watch her sleeping.
I know she's too old for that,
but I was watching
Euphoria before bed and
Camille! That's parental nightmare fuel.
The kids on that show
cannot be real, right?
Like, I don't want them to be real.
Oh, they're real, Andrew!
That's why they made a
whole show about them.
And now, Khia's mad because she thinks
that I checked her phone
while I was in there.
Did you?
A little. (SIGHING)
Look, I had to. I had
no choice! It lit up.
I mean, what if it was her
her drug dealer?
You crossed the line, big time.
I know, but she's turning sixteen soon.
I thought I was the sappy one.
(SIGHING) One percent?
What is with this morning?
Did you reset the router?
Shoot!
CAMILLE: Andrew, I need to
be online in, like, a minute!
- On it!
- CAMILLE: Oh my God.
Can you grab the long
cord from your room?
Thank you, princess! You are loved!
LEO: Where is my shirt?!
Uh, there are a bunch in your drawer!
LEO: I had a shirt a second
ago! Somebody took it!
(STAMMERING) Did you
check your shoulder!
LEO: Oh! Thanks!
Okay. You all need to get going!
My segment is starting very soon!
KHIA: Well, I'd be ready
if I didn't have to keep
running errands for a creeper.
Okay, the only crime I ever committed
was loving you so damn much!
(WHIMPERING)
Andrew! I need that Wi-Fi up.
I need to log in, like, now.
ANDREW: Working on it.
I unplugged it, then
I plugged it back in.
Then, I reset the router.
Once this orange light
turns green, you're good.
CAMILLE: Okay, it's still orange.
- Why isn't it
- Just give it a second.
You need to unplug it again.
That'll make things worse.
It's not taking. You need to unplug it.
Wait for it.
We need to reset the reset!
Babe, five seconds.
Just give it five seconds, right?
Babe, babe, five sec five sec
five five seconds!
Just give it five seconds.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
Oh, God! Oh!
(SIGHING) God, Sam,
please tell me you're outside!
I will be there soon.
Just a few minutes away.
Okay, well, I'm freaking
out. The Wi-Fi isn't working.
What?! No! Now?!
Two seconds! Just give it two seconds!
You said that ten seconds ago!
He said that ten seconds ago!
- There it is!
- (LAUGHING CRAZILY)
We are back in business.
Get here, please.
SAM: Yes, yes. I'm coming, I'm coming.
- (RUMBLING)
- No. No! No! No! No!
Please no!
The plough blocked us in!
What's happening? You guys?
(WHIMPERING)
Camille, I have to dig the van out.
Send the kids outside
when they come down.
No, no, no, no! I don't have
time for that right now, okay?
I have, like, um
Look at me! I am the snow plough now.
Sam, are you there?
SAM: Oh, Satan's sack!
We're behind a car who's stuck.
Have you ever heard of
winter tires, you dill-hole?!
You're welcome.
Thank you. You are loved.
Mom Mom! Mom?
Stop watching Euphoria
if you can't deal.
Oh, I love Euphoria.
Oh my God, but after
I watched the pilot,
all my eggs dried up and turned to dust.
I overheard you and I
get it. But seriously?
I'm sorry. I trust you.
Are you gonna start acting like it?
Ouch. Fair.
Yes.
Okay.
Good luck with your TV thingy.
- (PHONE BEEPING)
- Oh, I'm getting another call.
It's the producer. Sam, I gotta go.
We just got stuck behind more traffic.
I'm gonna make a run
for it. I'm doing it!
No! They haven't done
the sidewalks! Sam!
Ugh! This whole morning is madness.
Hi, Farah!
Can you go get your brother?
Hey, come on, Leo! Let's go!
LEO: Coming!
Logging on now.
Just had a battery issue.
Can you see me?
FARAH: No. Are you on the right link?
I'm just clicking it now.
FARAH: Then, how would I have seen you?
Fair point.
Camille, we're live in two minutes.
Two minutes? What? No.
Alexa, what time is it?
ALEXA: It's 8:28 A.M.
- FARAH: Just said that.
- Sorry.
Alexa, send out an announcement:
Get out. Get out now. Get out right now.
ALEXA: Announcing.
CAMILLE (RECORDED:) Get out.
Get out now. Get out right now!
Getting out!
Hey, put your snow pants on.
Okay.
FARAH: Great! Framing looks perfect.
(SIGHING) See?
We didn't need five minutes for that.
I keeps it profesh.
You can't put snow
pants over your boots!
I thought I had clearance!
KHIA: What? No.
Why are your shoes not on yet?!
FARAH: Um Do you have ear buds?
Might minimize that background noise.
Yes. Yes.
KHIA: Pull!
LEO: I'm trying!
KHIA: No, you I pull,
you let go! That's the point!
Stupid wet socks.
KHIA: Why don't you have winter boots?
Old sneakers are basically
short winter boots.
Babe, I saw Sam running.
The snow is deep, but she's moving fast.
Please go!
ANDREW: We're going.
KHIA: Come on. (STRAINING)
Khia, put your shoes on!
KHIA: Okay.
Help your brother!
Put my shoes on or help my brother?
Ai-yah.
Okay, you don't have to
go, but you need to shut up!
FARAH: All right, here we go.
You're going to join
our crew live in five,
- four
- Where are you, Sam?
three, two
Shh! Shh!
- KHIA: Where is my other shoe?
- ANDREW: Shh!
Get other shoes.
Thanks so much for having me today.
I have a pretty cool
recipe to share with you.
It is a masala omelette
with a bacon naan roll.
LEO: Ooh. So good.
CAMILLE: Uh
This was one of my mom's favourite
Sunday morning recipes.
We'll fix it in the car!
It was right here yesterday
HUDSON (RECORDED:)
Pick up the phone, buddy!
It's me! Huddy-Hudd! You
ain't picked me up yet?!
Now, green chilies are key.
Best friends! ♪
We are ♪
Best friends ♪
Just roast them at a slow,
slow level.
Put on your shoes.
I have to find this one because
it goes better with my outfit.
Any shoe!
I'm here! (GASPING)
I'm here! (BREATHING HEAVILY)
I actually like to make
my bacon in the oven.
It cooks it more evenly and
Saves my clothes from grease splatter.
Pop-pop!
Hi, Sam.
- Bye, Sam.
- We're going!
Now, you can do egg
whites as an option
Let's go! Let's go!
My jacket!
but I love me some yolk.
♪
Now, these eggs are almost ready.
Hey! And let there be light.
Now, if you're not about that
naan-life, you could always
Go out and buy from the store.
But I like to make mine from scratch.
And it's a pretty simple recipe.
- (DOOR CLOSING)
- But, um
Leo. Leo, no.
- It's on
- LEO: Forgot my lunch.
Hey, buddy!
Have a great day at school, okay?
Did Dad tell you the good news?
I had a wet dream. I'm a man!
Wow Congratulations.
The next on is, um, the dry ingredients.
Got there in time to help
Hudson scare away some seniors,
played ball, then we hit up the hot tub.
It was perfection.
Any feedback from the
morning show segment?
Oh, yeah. They're really happy.
It went great after the initial hiccups.
Sorry for not getting
everyone out on time.
Hey, does Leo know he went viral?
CAMILLE: No, and let's keep it that way.
So unfair.
Every month, we get cramps
and he just gets a sexy dream.
Let's watch Charlie's Angels!
Oh, man
You ain't ready for that.