Sex Education (2019) s02e08 Episode Script

1 ["SKINHEAD MOONSTOMP" BY SYMARIP PLAYING.]
Get ready We got three million miles To reach the moon Ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah - Ow! Sorry! Sorry.
- Oh! Uh Did I do something wrong? No.
It's not you, it's me.
I have something called vaginismus.
My vagina's like a Venus flytrap.
If it makes you feel any better, I've got one hairy nipple.
Can you cure it, the vaginismus? Apparently, if I'm patient, I'll eventually be able to get the big one in, but for now, I can just get little Thumbelina up there.
Do you know why you have it? I think it's because I put too much pressure on myself.
So, you can't even wank then? No, I do.
[LAUGHS.]
I do.
I just keep to the outside.
For some reason, if I'm touching myself, then I'm okay.
I have an idea.
[BOTH MOANING.]
[MOANING CONTINUES.]
[MOANING.]
I'm coming! [BOTH PANTING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah [GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
Good morning.
Good morning.
You know, Dad's still in the UK.
He's on his book tour.
Can we talk about this, please? Are you going to admit that you lied? [SCOFFS.]
Then I guess we have nothing to talk about.
[OTIS.]
Withholding of information is not technically a lie.
And implementing an avoidance strategy will only suppress your negative emotions towards me, not make them dissipate.
Oh, you're going to therapize me.
Go ahead.
Have a seat.
Show me your skills.
I'm all ears.
I think your overreaction to this situation stems from your deep-rooted fear of rejection.
You've rejected Jakob, now you're rejecting me.
You didn't exactly accept Jakob.
In fact, you made it incredibly difficult for us.
So, is your son's inability to form an attachment with your ex-boyfriend the real reason you're so angry? No.
I'm angry because my son is involved in a highly unethical underground operation on school campus.
And he is refusing to take ownership for the severity of his actions.
Fine.
Okay, yes, I spoke to people at school.
I gave out some advice.
You can't arrest me for talking to people.
You don't invoice for a casual conversation.
It's wrong, Otis.
Well, I don't think it is.
I don't understand, Mum.
We usually just talk these things through and everything's fine.
Why are you still so upset with me? Because I thought I was raising you to be a man who took responsibility for his actions.
And because, as the primary carer in your life, I always get your worst.
And I'm tired of it.
It's not my fault Dad left.
You're going to be late.
Are you still coming to see Eric's play tonight? I'm not exactly welcome on campus at the minute.
[SNIFFS.]
You shouldn't let them bully you.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[SOBBING.]
Oh.
Ow.
[HUMMING.]
Oh, I've packed some clean clothes and a couple of dinners for your father.
Would you drop them over at school? Please? For me.
Did you tell him about me getting fired? No.
But someone probably will.
Might be best to mention it.
You'll find something you're really good at soon.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, oh, okay.
No, no, no, no.
Not today.
Not today.
- Okay? - [DOOR OPENS.]
- Where have you been? - I was outside having a fag.
Okay, well, you can't leave her on her own because she's three.
Ugh, she's fine.
Oh, my God.
There you go.
Actually, I need you to take her after school.
I've got a job interview.
Well, I can't, can I? I've got the NSQC finals.
- I thought you were coming.
- Oh, shit.
I totally forgot.
[CHUCKLES.]
I can't make it.
Will they video it? Yeah, it's on telly.
That's the whole point.
It's fine.
Um, it's stupid anyway.
I'll take her to Cynthia's.
Everything's dirty.
Why haven't you washed her clothes? Just put her in her fairy costume.
Okay, fairy costume! Yeah! Here we go.
Well done.
That's it.
- [ELSIE.]
Uh-oh.
- [MAEVE.]
Uh-oh.
Well, don't you look fancy.
Come on then.
[ELSIE BABBLES.]
- [MAEVE.]
Be good.
- She reminds me of you as a kid.
Always making trouble.
- Why am I in trouble? - You're not in trouble, Jeffrey.
I said Maeve used to cause trouble when she was little.
You pissed on our doorstep once.
Sorry.
Well, your mum was never around to look after you, was she? But that's all changed now, hasn't it? Thank God.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Bye, Els.
You need to de-wax your ears, Jeffrey.
[WHISPERS.]
Twat.
Isaac, Body Slammer's here.
I think my mum is using again.
Don't say I told you so.
I wouldn't dream of it.
I need you to do me a favor.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- When will I see you play this? - Oh, well, if you come to the musical tonight, I'm in the band.
- I thought it was a play.
- No.
Uh Romeo and Juliet: The Musical.
[RAHIM.]
This poster is very ugly.
Don't you think it looks like they're in a forest full of dicks? [LAUGHS.]
I hate musicals.
No! You can't hate musicals.
People who hate musicals have no soul.
What about Hedwig? - I liked it.
- Uh-huh.
- Until they started singing.
- Oh, my gosh.
Okay, well, you don't have to come tonight.
No, it's okay.
I'll see it for you.
Okay.
But please, I was a true lush and my Stop it, Quentin.
We have been over this.
You are not Romeo, - you will never be my Romeo.
- Oh, enough, Quentin.
You're always there, all right? Just fuck off! Okay, guys, this is it.
Opening night.
Woo! This is what we've been working for.
Hugo, stay off the drugs.
Florence, pick up some props.
- I'm getting into character, sir.
- You can get into character whilst helping Jackson with the octopus arms.
Are you nervous about tonight? Nerves are for amateurs.
[BELL RINGING.]
Hey.
Are you going to the play tonight? Oh, yeah.
Maybe after the finals.
I forgot that was today.
Good luck.
How do I get you to not be angry at me anymore? I'm not angry, Otis.
I'm disappointed.
[INDISTINCT COMMENT.]
Hey.
I didn't think you'd wanna speak to me again.
I don't think you should drink alcohol for a really long time.
- I didn't mean to hurt you.
- Well, you did.
But it's okay.
Why do I always end up pissing everyone off? I think you're always trying so hard to be a good guy that you end up not being a good guy.
Like you're afraid you'll turn into your dad or something.
I think you might be right.
Thank you.
For what? Where are you going? [MISS SANDS.]
Remember, guys, today is about having fun.
Cube away, Dex! But it's also really important that we win.
This is not a drill, guys.
This is the endgame.
Understood? Wait.
I made these for you.
Oh.
Thanks, Aimes.
- What's with the rogue "R"? - I had an extra cupcake.
Oh, thanks.
It's a picture of your face when it's concentrating.
Good luck.
See you there.
Is she trying to tell me something? Yeah, I think she's saying, "I still love you, Steve, but I need some more time.
" - [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- [DOOR OPENS.]
Mum said to call if you want anything else.
- All right, bye.
- How is your mother? Do you think she misses me? I don't know, Dad.
I think Madam misses you though.
[CHUCKLES.]
I was thinking I could come back to school.
I know I've missed out on a lot, but I want to find something I'm good at.
I don't want to work in that shop forever.
[SIGHS.]
Well, you haven't been fired yet.
Wonders never cease.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's see, shall we? Adam, you can go now.
Adam! Get out! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hi, Adam.
How are you? My mum's divorcing my dad, so he's sleeping in the school.
Yeah, everyone kind of knows.
[CHUCKLES.]
I got fired from my job.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
Rahim told me.
Sorry, man.
Still play the French horn? I didn't think you knew what it was.
[LAUGHS.]
Trombone sounded funny.
- [MAN.]
Eric, we're starting.
- [CHUCKLES.]
It's the final rehearsal for the musical tonight.
[BELL RINGING.]
You should come.
I mean, I'm sure musicals aren't your ting, but Is it like Frozen? Because that was very sad.
Yeah.
Uh [LAUGHS.]
It's a bit like Frozen.
It kind of looks like they're snogging in a forest full of dicks.
[ERIC.]
That's exactly what I said! [ERIC, LAUGHING.]
It's a forest full of dicks, man! - It's full of dicks! - It's just mad.
[ERIC LAUGHING.]
- I, uh I better go.
- [ERIC CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Um I I didn't mean what I said at the party about people not liking you.
I'm very easy to not like.
[SIGHS.]
I, uh I understand that I hurt you.
Okay.
I just wanted you to know that.
[DOCTOR.]
What makes you think you are perimenopausal? Well, I've been feeling very tired and sort of heavy.
And I've had this intermittent tight feeling around my chest.
And, um, have there been any big life changes recently? Well, yes.
I've, um, had some trouble at work, and, uh, well, my teenage son is Well, he's a teenager.
And things ended with a man I was seeing but, you know, just ordinary, manageable life stuff.
When did you break up with your partner? Uh, he wasn't my partner, and I didn't break up with him.
I Well, I might have pushed him away.
Um And then I realized my mistake, and I tried to make it right, but apparently, it was too late.
Oh.
There's the feeling.
And did this pain start when this man broke things off with you? I mean, I'd Yes, I might have noticed the symptoms around that time, but [INHALES DEEPLY.]
perimenopause causes surges in adrenaline, right? And I think you might be suffering from a broken heart.
Well, that's ridiculous.
I'm a sex and relationship therapist, I'm sure I'd know if I was suffering from a broken heart.
And I've been a GP for over 20 years and not long ago, I was hospitalized for a kidney infection I didn't think I had.
Right.
Let's get some tests done and put your mind at ease.
[REMI.]
"The modern man is now lacking a sense of pride in his innate masculinity.
How do we reclaim that pride? I believe it starts with taking ownership of ourselves.
How can we ever begin a romantic relationship without first owning our own emotions? The answer is we can't.
The first rule of owning oneself is to live in the moment and practice the power of intention.
" Thank you.
This guy is so full of shit.
Thanks.
- Hi.
Name? - Ben.
Ben.
- There you go.
Hi, what's your name? - Hey, Dad.
Otis, uh, shouldn't you be in school? Yeah, I was, um I was hoping we could talk about something.
Yeah, of course.
Just take a seat for half an hour.
Yeah.
- Could I grab a photograph, Dr.
Milburn? - Yes.
Of course.
- [GIRL.]
Brilliant, thank you.
- [REMI.]
Thank you.
[MAN 2.]
Hi, Remi.
That was fantastic.
Good job.
Thank you very much.
Hey.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Hey, Erin.
Erin, have you seen my pet rabbit? It's gone missing.
- No, I've not seen him.
- It's a her, actually.
Did you know that female rabbits are called does, and - male rabbits are called bucks? - No, didn't know that.
- Yeah.
It's all in this book called - I'm in a bit of a rush.
[SIGHS.]
I just came back to get my cigarettes.
I'm sorry, babe.
- It's a really good book.
- That's weird.
I could have swore I locked that.
Fuck.
Now Hope you find your rabbit.
Thank you kindly.
They're here.
That's Holly Crankshaw, their team captain.
She already won this competition when she was 14.
Don't you like The things I do You're wearing a frown I've been shot down [PHONE CHIMES.]
All right.
Let's go.
Yeah, hello.
Hi, um I need to report a child at risk.
Yeah.
Her parent is using drugs, and she's unfit to care for her.
- We're on in five minutes, Maeve.
- Yeah, I'll be there in a sec.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's my mother.
[SNIFFS.]
The release of Dr.
Milburn's notes was quite serious.
I can assure you we have the situation completely under control.
Ms.
Milburn has been removed from campus, and our students are no longer at risk.
She was on campus to help us protect our students.
You managed to somehow make a dire situation worse.
That was an unfortunate blip.
We are still a school that prides itself on excellence.
But [CLEARS THROAT.]
our best and brightest students are competing at the NSQC finals today, and you must stay for the first performance of Romeo and Juliet: The Musical tonight.
It's going to be quite an event.
Is it just me, or does that forest look like it's full of penises? [MAXINE SNAPS FINGERS.]
[PRODUCER.]
Okay, standby, studio.
Going in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four [AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
[QUIZ MASTER.]
Good afternoon and welcome to the grand live final of the National Student Quiz Championship.
On my left, we have three-time previous champions, it's the Knowledge Knights.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
And on my right, fierce competitors and wild cards, it's the Quiz Heads.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
Let's get straight down to it with a round on Art History.
So, question one [REMI.]
Here you go, one lemonade.
So what's this all about then, son? More girl trouble? Why did you leave when I was a kid? Oh, your your mother and I were unhappy, and Not why did you leave Mum, why did you leave me? What's this really about? This is what this is really about, Dad.
I thought everything was Mum's fault.
That she was the reason I feel confused.
But at least she's there for me.
Where were you? Well, I-I had to move to America for work No, you moved to America for yourself.
Dad, please just stop lying.
Hey, I have a feeling there might be some some inner conflict going on here.
Yes, I feel angry all the time, and I'm trying to find out what kind of man I want to be, which is really hard when my dad has been absent for most of my life.
Did you not like me as much as you thought you would? Of course I like you.
I just Then how could you leave me? [SIGHS.]
Because I'm an arsehole.
I'm sure there are multiple ways of diagnosing my personality, but the chief ingredient is arsehole.
How do I not become an arsehole? Just try and stay honest.
'Cause once you start lying, it's it's very hard to stop.
You know, when you're young you think that everybody out there really really gets you.
But, you know, actually, only a handful of them do.
All the people who like you, despite your faults.
And then if you discard them, they will never come back.
So, when you meet those people you should just hold on to them.
Really, really tightly.
And don't let them go.
[REMI SIGHS.]
And whatever else you do, never read this fucking book.
Hi, sorry.
Could you could you sign my book? - Yeah.
- [MAN.]
Oh, great.
Thanks.
- What's your name? - Pete.
Pete.
Hi, Pete.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Big fan.
[REMI.]
Man up.
[TV.]
as we head into the Geography round.
One minute on the clock and remember, if you buzz, you must answer.
The Volga river runs into which sea? [GIRL ON TV.]
The Caspian Sea.
[QUIZ MASTER ON TV.]
Correct.
What is the length of the English Channel? - [BUZZER ON TV.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER FROM TV.]
[QUIZ MASTER ON TV.]
How many countries begin with the letter Hey, Maeve.
I know you can't answer this right now because I'm watching you on live TV.
But I wanted you to know how proud of you I am.
And how unbelievably stupid I've been.
- Is your uncle here? - Yusef.
I know you like my boyfriend.
You make him laugh.
He doesn't laugh like that with me.
[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS.]
See you later, Yusef.
She's still sitting.
You taught her well.
If you give me my job back, I can teach her other things.
How to give a high-five or do a sexy wink.
Please, I know I made a mistake.
It won't happen again.
[OLA.]
Hello.
Hi.
Why're you dressed like a very small man? Oh, I'm going to my school musical.
Can I have my pay? - What are you doing here? - Trying to get my job back.
I want to go back to school, but my dad can't find out I was fired.
What happened to the shop wasn't Adam's fault.
The key wasn't working last time I used it.
I forgot to tell you.
It was my fault.
If you're gonna fire him, you're gonna have to fire me too.
This is true? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, then you're both fired.
Go on, get out of my shop.
Go! [OLA SIGHS.]
Why did you do that? Because I love you, dude.
Well, I know that I'm bisexual, but I don't like you like that.
I thought you were a lesbian now or into kitchen stuff - or some shit? - No, Adam, you idiot.
You're my friend.
I love you like a friend.
Are you okay? No one's ever said I was their friend before.
[OLA GASPS.]
You can put me down now.
Never change, never change Never change, never change Never change, never change, never change This is why I fell in love - Five hundred and sixty kilometers.
- Is the right answer.
In which city is the world's busiest airport? - Atlanta, Georgia, USA.
- Correct.
Which country is home to two cities that have a population of over one million, but whose names are anagrams of one another? - [BELL RINGS.]
- [INAUDIBLE ANSWER.]
- [WHISPERS.]
It's Japan.
- [QUIZ MASTER.]
No conferring.
[MOUTHING.]
[BUZZER.]
I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to dock you five points and pass the question over to the Knowledge Knights.
[BUZZER.]
- Japan.
- Can you name the two cities? Tokyo and Kyoto.
Is absolutely right, and that's the end of this round.
We'll see you after these messages.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
[SIGHS.]
They're destroying us.
Uh, maybe we should just give up.
We're not giving up.
We came here to win.
And if we're not gonna win, at least we're gonna fight.
Do you understand me? Like, we are the Quiz Heads, and we are exceptional.
And more important than that, we're a team.
So, if we're gonna go down, we're gonna go down together.
Sorry, you kind of turned into Braveheart there.
- I love that film.
- Pull yourself together, Steve.
And all of you, play to your strengths.
- What are we? - [ALL.]
The Quiz Heads.
The Quiz Heads.
[EXHALES.]
[DOCTOR.]
Turns out you were right, you're perimenopausal.
You're also pregnant.
What? Well, that's impossible.
Well, you are.
But he had a vasectomy.
Stranger things have happened.
You're pregnant, Jean.
[SOBS.]
[CRYING.]
Well, that makes the whole heartbreak thing so much more complicated.
Mm.
- The tangent function.
- Absolutely right.
- Optimus Prime.
- Correct again.
George Eliot.
Charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent.
Dorothy Gish.
[BELL RINGS.]
Jonathan Jamal Jennings.
- The Magic Cube.
- Yes! - [BELL RINGS.]
- Percy Pigs.
The Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant.
Absolutely right.
And mu, M-U, is an example [KEYBOARD STAB.]
Oh, that sound means this must be our last question.
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING.]
- All right mu, M-U, is an example of a [BUZZER.]
A sound a cat makes.
I'm afraid I can't accept that, Knowledge Knights, no.
Mu, M-U, is? Population parameter.
In statistics, a parameter is any summary number, such as an average or a percentage, that describes an entire population.
I would have accepted a population parameter.
That is absolutely the full and correct answer.
And with that incredible recovery, I can announce that our NSQC UK champions of the year, with a score of 89 to 88 are - the Quiz Heads! - Yes! [AUDIENCE SCREAMING, CHEERING.]
Whoa! Congratulations.
Thank you.
Didn't think you could make it.
I can get another job interview, I wasn't gonna miss this.
- Mum, listen, I need to - No.
No, come on.
I'll treat you to a strawberry milkshake on the way home.
Come on.
- Maybe we could hang out tonight? - Yeah, that'd be great.
I don't think I want to have sex yet.
We don't have to have sex ever again, I just miss talking to you.
It's gonna be so cringe.
- Hey, Viv.
Are you coming too? - Where? To watch Jackson Marchetti make an absolute tit of himself.
That's not funny.
- [SIGHS.]
Come on.
He's an idiot jock.
- He's not an idiot.
He's trying something new that he might not be very good at, which is brave.
Whereas you do one thing really well, and you never shut up about it.
[CHUCKLES.]
If you're referring to my Rubik's cube, I don't just do it well, - I'm actually the 28th best - We know, Dex, we know.
We do kind of know, man.
- Half an hour until curtain, guys.
- Five, six, seven, eight.
Elbow, elbow, up, down, twist, twist, up, down, and pop it, and pop it.
Not at me, I'm faculty.
You got a problem, Quentin? I'm surprised you came, Ms.
Milburn.
I still have a child at the school, Mr.
Groff.
I'm here as a parent.
I'm so proud of you, Froggy.
- Don't say that.
- No, I'm serious.
I know I've messed up so much, and missed so many things, but I'm never losing you again.
What's going on? We're with Social Services.
There's been a report of drug use in the presence of a minor.
Who reported it? Did you do this? I didn't know they were coming.
Someone's reported something, haven't they? And it's bullshit.
It's not bullshit, Mum.
You did this? I know you've been using again, so don't lie.
She's not safe.
I slipped once.
It was a mistake.
I'm in a program, they can help me.
- You can't take my kid.
- We're not taking her anywhere, we need to look inside the caravan if that's all right.
- Stay away from my caravan! - I'm sure we can sort this out, - but we need to have a look inside.
- Mum! We'll have to call the police if you make a scene.
- Let them look inside - Stay the fuck away from me! Don't touch me! How could you? How could you do this to me? Here.
[LAUGHS.]
Here.
You take her things.
You say you're not going to take her but you're lying.
You're fucking lying.
There's a hostile resident not cooperating.
We need assistance.
- I don't know if I need a bow tie.
- You look very nice.
Nice suit.
Yeah, she's all dressed up for her new girlfriend.
Shut up, Dad.
Well, what's the problem? I thought you were broken up with him.
Yeah, I'm kind of dating Lily now.
I didn't want to make it awkward.
It's not awkward.
That's That's great.
Young people are strange, so, come on.
Actually, could I have a I wanted to apologize properly for making things difficult between you and my mum.
I found not being her number one priority harder than I expected.
It was very immature of me.
Sorry for being an arsehole.
Yeah you are a bit of an arsehole.
But you're also a good man, Otis.
Do you think so? I know so.
Shall we? [ANNOUNCER.]
Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats and prepare for your erotic voyage to the planet of Verona.
- Hey.
You okay? - Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats and prepare for your erotic voyage to the planet of Verona.
[MOANING.]
I thought this was Shakespeare? Uh, yes.
I think our students are taking a postmodern approach.
Stand by.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Sorry.
- Sir, I can't go on stage.
- I'm gonna humiliate myself.
- Jackson, babe.
- You're not a great actor - Yeah.
yet.
The most important thing is you're doing something you enjoy.
Maybe you're not nervous at all.
Maybe you're just super-duper pumped.
Okay? Doosh, doosh.
- It's not in there, is it? - No.
Enter Carl.
[GRUNTING.]
Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene.
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO.]
Mum Mum, please talk to me.
Come on.
I will never forgive you.
Never.
Come on, darling.
- You look nice, Mum.
- Something new I'm trying.
Is everything all right at school? How was your father? Not good.
Maybe we could let him come back? Oh, darling.
Your father needed to fight for us a very long time ago.
What do you mean? [SIGHS.]
When you love a person, there's always a tiny part of you that's terrified that one day you're gonna lose them.
And I think that your father's so scared of that emotion that he stops himself feeling anything at all.
But you have to let the people you love know that you love them, even if it causes you a great deal of pain.
Why? It sounds awful.
Because you're alive.
I have to go.
[BOY.]
See where he comes.
So please you, step aside.
I'll know his grievance or be much denied.
Come, madam.
Let's away.
- Shit.
- [BOY.]
Good morrow, cousin! Fuck.
Good morrow, cousin! Colin, does anyone have eyes on Jackson? - Jackson, that's your cue.
- [QUENTIN.]
I'll go back on.
I know all the lines.
Shut the fuck up, Quentin, you piece of shit.
Jesus Christ.
- [BOY.]
Good morrow, cousin! - Get on stage, now! And remember, you're not nervous, you're just excited.
Go! Sir! [AUDIENCE MURMURING.]
- What's wrong with him? - I don't know.
Get on with it! [LAUGHTER.]
[SIGHS.]
Good morrow, cousin! [WHISPERING.]
Is the day so young? [BOY 2.]
Get back in the pool, Marchetti.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
Uh [BEV, WHISPERING.]
Jackson.
Is the day so young? Is the day so young? Is the day so young? [IRONIC CHEERING, SCATTERED APPLAUSE.]
[BOY.]
What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours? - Remember the heartbeats.
- What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours? Uh, I am out of her favor, where I am in love.
Alas, she is too fair, too wise.
Does thou not laugh? - Good Romeo, forget to think of her! - Oh, teach me how I should forget to think.
- Her beauty is - Peace! Our cousin Mercutio draws near.
He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE.]
Cue Mercutio.
Cue Mercutio.
[INSTRUMENTAL ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
Dick hands enter.
[EXCLAIMING.]
We are the children of an idle brain In the moon, shines watery beams Through lovers' brains we gather Night by night And give them cosmic dreams I need it harder Slide it in deeper Come with me now Oh, Romeo, oh, Romeo Oh, Romeo, I'm good to go Oh, Romeo, oh, Romeo Mr.
Hendricks, what the hell is going on? Artistic expression, Mr.
Groff.
["WISHIN' AND HOPIN'" BY DUSTY SPRINGFIELD PLAYING.]
Wishin' and hopin' And thinkin' and prayin' Plannin' and dreamin' Each night of his charms That won't get you into his arms So if you're lookin' to find love You can share All you gotta do is hold him And kiss him and squeeze him And love him Yeah, just do it And after you do, you will be his For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.
[ADAM.]
Stop! [AUDIENCE GASPS.]
- I have something to say! - What are you doing? [PANTING.]
- Adam? - Get Colin.
Colin.
Tackle Adam Groff.
I repeat.
Tackle Adam Groff.
What are you doing? Adam, get off the stage.
You're ruining my moment.
Eric Effoing.
Eric Effoing, I have something to say to you.
Uh, Adam, I'm I'm over here.
- He's ruining my show.
Colin.
- What [PANTS.]
Eric Effoing.
I have something to say to you.
Well, fucking say it already.
Jesus! [AUDIENCE LAUGHING.]
What do you want to say? I want to hold your hand.
Say it again.
Please? Will you hold my hand? Yes.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING.]
Play the next song now! Go through the vagina.
Through the vagina.
If love be rough with you Be rough with love His love is tender But his prick is so damn hard I am too sore Empierced with Cupid's shaft Don't try to The students have been working so hard, sir.
Be that as it may Adam! All right, Dad.
[BREATHING SHAKILY.]
Go, go, go, go, go! Wait, that's my vagina! Calmly, sir, please? They have vaginas on their heads! [VOCALIZING.]
And standby, spunk.
Groff is coming on.
He's on.
Stop the show! Stop! The show is over.
Why are the Groffs ruining my show? Colin.
Colin.
- [WOMAN.]
But we are enjoying it! - [WOMAN 2.]
Yeah.
You're enjoying this filth! Well, it's supposed to be funny, sir.
You have all been corrupted - by this woman! - [AUDIENCE GASPS.]
She's giving sex advice to your children, filling their heads with dangerous nonsense.
No, that's not entirely true.
She was explicitly told she was not here as a counselor.
I had no idea she'd be so unprofessional.
- Mr.
Groff.
- Okay.
She wasn't giving out sex advice.
I was.
And I shouldn't have been 'cause I'm 16 years old, and well, I've only had sex once.
Wasn't even very good, apparently, but But my mum was here to listen to your problems and give you the advice that the school should have been giving anyway.
What? My mum is an excellent therapist, and she cares about people.
She only wants what's best for them.
Which is why she's also such an amazing parent.
[MR.
GROFF LAUGHS.]
Well, that's ridiculous.
She reassured me that my labia is a normal length.
And she really helped me accept myself.
It's changed my life.
I fucked some warm fruit and she said I wasn't weird.
They're children, for God's sake! They don't know what they want.
- This is all your fault.
- Mr.
Groff.
I need to see you outside.
Immediately.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
It's completely ruined.
It was meant to be perfect.
Well, I think it was perfect.
Have you completely lost your mind? - That woman is - That woman nothing, Michael.
[SIGHS.]
I know your wife has left you, and you've been sleeping at the school.
You're clearly not coping very well, and you need to take some time off.
I'm fine.
It's not a request.
You will take leave as of today.
["KISS" BY SCOUT NIBLETT PLAYING.]
[OTIS.]
Look, I know I still have a lot to make up to you.
Are you around to talk about it later? Yeah.
If you want to get back together with Jakob, I'm cool with it.
No more annoying only-child behavior.
I promise.
Baby, if it were not for rain And I - Hey, Dex, have you seen Maeve? - No, she didn't come.
And I Felt it coming Adam.
This is my mum and my sisters.
Lovely to meet you, Adam.
- Hey.
- Lovely to meet you.
Uh - I'll be right back.
- All right.
[LAUGHING.]
That was so brave.
Thank you.
You have to pop around for dinner sometime.
- Oh, yeah.
- I'll cook you some jollof rice.
With a heart that soared Rahim.
Rahim, I'm sorry.
- I didn't know he - Don't apologize.
It makes it worse.
Be careful.
He can hold your hand, but I'm not sure he can catch you.
I felt it coming For so long [JACKSON.]
I think you might be one of the most intelligent people I've ever met.
I definitely am.
I was thinking it would be good to start making some friends.
Maybe waiting until university was a bit extreme.
Well, you still have a friend.
That's if you'll still have me.
Oh, I miss hanging out with you, man.
A lot.
Please can we be friends again? Okay.
Let's be mates.
Move that.
[LAUGHS.]
I missed you.
[JACKSON.]
Hmm.
I missed you too.
- [BEV.]
What happened with your parents? - I'm back in therapy.
But it's where I need to be, so I'm going down to the center Where the soul of a savage girl Never dies Through the tall grass [GASPS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Through the tall grass in your eyes What doesn't kill you Makes you somber Burnin' money In the kitchen sink tonight I think I might be ready for a hug.
Always knew it was my natural right And I All I wanted - [CRYING.]
- Was a world of love and care I, all I wanted was care Enter.
You did the right thing.
I still feel like a piece of shit.
Do you want to come in? I'll make you an omelet.
Or you'll make it and I'll watch.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
[MAEVE SIGHS.]
You don't even have milk.
Do I look like someone who regularly pops to the shops? Okay, I'll go get some stuff.
[MAEVE SNIFFS.]
[ISAAC.]
Oh, and get crisps.
Oi! Maeve's not there.
Oh.
Do you know when she'll be back? Can't be sure.
[SIGHS.]
Could you let her know that I was here? And tell her to check her messages.
Will do.
Okay.
Thanks.
[AUTOMATED VOICE.]
You have one new message.
[BEEP.]
[OTIS.]
Hey, Maeve.
I know you can't answer this right now because I'm watching you on live TV.
But I wanted you to know how proud of you I am.
And how unbelievably stupid I've been.
You telling me you had feelings for me was was all I wanted to hear, and I was so caught up in trying to do the right thing, I lost track of what that actually is.
It's you.
It's always been you.
I love you, Maeve.
Call me back.
I hope it's not too late [AUTOMATED VOICE.]
Message deleted.
This is how it works You're young until you're not You love until you don't You try until you can't You laugh until you cry And you cry until you laugh And everyone must breathe Until their dying breath No, this is how it works You peer inside yourself And you take the things you like And try to love the things you took And then you take that love you made And you stick it into Someone else's heart Pumping someone else's blood And walking arm in arm You hope that it don't get harmed And even if it does You'll just do it all again And on the radio You hear "November Rain" And that solo's awfully long But it is a good refrain We listen to it twice 'Cause the DJ is asleep He is asleep