Sonny with a Chance (2009) s02e08 Episode Script

Now let's get back to "so random!" What a great show tonight, huh? Yeah, sorry we didn't have time for "a Scotsman, a nerd and a gym coach walk into a nurse's office" sketch.
Excuse me, nurse, my coach needs a bagpipe stat.
We're out of time, aren't we? Yeah, but we have a good reason.
Tonight is the night where we pick the winner Of the "be so random for a day" contest! What are you doing? I won the "who gets to announce the winner of the contest" contest.
Oh, okay.
We got over a million entries.
And I'm going to pick the winner.
And the winner is Pat Mahiney.
And the winner is Grace Gallagher.
Grace Gallagher.
Grace, we're gonna pick you and your classmates up At your home for a fun day at "so random!" Yeah, and you get to be in a sketch with us.
You are one lucky young lady, grace Gallagher.
Grace Gallagher is one really old lady.
You think it's too late to call pat Mahiney? off to the races, I'm going places might be a long shot, not gonna waste it this is the big break and it's calling my name yeah so far, so great, get with it at least that's how I see it having a dream is just the beginning so far, so great, believe it can't take away this feeling taking a ride, chance on my side yeah, I can't wait so far, so great, so far, so great Ba Ba da da-da, Ba da da da-da Ba Ba da da-da, Ba da da da-da Is there maybe a younger Grace Gallagher? Well, you're about Edith, stifle.
That's Edith.
You have no idea what I put up with.
That's Tawni.
I think I do.
"me me me.
" Sonny, may I speak to you for a moment? - Let's ditch 'em.
- Why? 'cause they're ancient.
I don't do vintage.
Let's ditch them.
That brunette is so perky.
I don't do perky.
No, she's sweet.
And she's a saint for putting up With that blonde egomaniac.
Man, look around.
This is our future.
Hello, boys.
Hello.
I need two strong young men like you To hang this self-portrait I have painted.
I call it "Edith, queen of the rec room.
" You may bow to me.
Bow-- that's cute.
I said bow.
Oh, okay.
- One of these? - Your majesty.
Hang the picture on that wall.
Right there? Okay, we'll put it right there.
Got it.
Seriously, if we sneak out now, they'll never notice.
Tawni, we can't ditch them.
And show a little compassion.
One day we're all gonna be old.
Not me.
The day I turn 30-- facelift.
Okay okay okay.
Okay, everybody, I'm ready For my big day at "so random!" My grandkids-- Owen And Georgie and Willow-- are so excited.
Well, say goodbye to everyone.
Goodbye? The rules said that I could bring my whole class.
You're in a class? Two-- The "dos and don'ts of Internet dating" And swim-nastics.
Oh, well, which class is coming? The daters.
The swim-nastics people take forever To get out of their bathing suits.
Well, come on, everybody, let's go.
We're going to a big TV show.
Let me just get around you.
My TV show Hey, fellows, I really want to go too.
Could you two guys help me out of my trunks? All you.
I'll get the next one.
No, Nico, Nico.
You're Grady.
You're my Grady! Hey.
This way, everyone.
This way.
This is our stage where the comedy magic happens.
Wait wait wait, careful careful.
There's wires.
There's big, dangerous wires.
Okay, carefully this way.
But there's a big puddle of oil.
- I don't want you to fall - And hurt yourself.
Chad, what are you doing here? I'm helping these young children Who have a very serious condition.
Come on, it's okay.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Is there anything I can do to help? You know that they say that laughter Is the best medicine? I got your nose! - Give him his nose back.
- His nose is back.
What is wrong with you? These children are terrified of clowns.
The slightest bit of comedy can set them off.
What did you bring them here for? This is the closest thing to a comedy-free zone I know.
See, kids? The clown lady didn't make you laugh, But she didn't hurt you either.
And who is this young man? Chad Dylan Cooper.
Not ringing a bell.
Oh, maybe this will ring it for you-- I'm the star of a little show called "Mackenzie falls.
" Little? Must be tiny.
I never heard of it.
- Oh, really? - Really.
- Well, good.
- Good.
- Fine.
- Fine! Okay, you know what? Moving on, people.
This way.
This way.
But very carefully, very carefully, please.
Oh, no, there's more wires.
Why is she talking to us like that? We're not children.
Shut up.
We're getting a free lunch.
What are you looking at? Me.
You're what I looked like 60 years ago.
I'm totally seeing it, yeah.
Sure sure.
Go ahead, laugh, But I was handsome, fresh from the war And I had a full head of hair That made all the ladies in the garment district swoon.
Swoon? Swoon, I say.
This is you? Taken on my 17th birthday.
And within six months-- melon! - Melon? - Melon, I say.
No no no, but I just turned 17.
Oh, don't worry.
That was just me.
Oy! Oy? What's oy? What is that? The start of melon season.
No.
All right, we gotta find a sketch to put grace in.
What about the gymnastics sketch? What? We can't put grace on a trampoline.
That's dangerous.
Whoa, I think you mean hilarious.
Yes.
Owen, Georgie, Willow! Come on, come on.
- Okay, we've got the beach sketch.
- Eh.
- The cheerleading sketch.
- Eh.
Ultimate fighting sketch.
Yes! No, look, any of these sketches can be dangerous.
Well, we'd better figure out something.
The show starts in two hours.
Which cookie should I have? Which cookie do you want? I don't know.
That's why I'm asking you.
Go with the chocolate chip.
You know chocolate doesn't agree with me.
Nothing agrees with you.
Why does it take so long for the elderly to make a choice? Wait, that's it.
That's our sketch.
Old ladies arguing over a cookie? We wouldn't be having this problem if pat Mahiney won, - I'll tell you that much.
- Thank you.
It's the 98th annual Elderly choice awards, Brought to you by soup-- yes, soup.
Oh, we're on.
We're on.
And now it's time to give away our final golden Walker award.
And the nominees for best old people In a show about old people are "Wheezers of Waverly place," "that's so graven," And "Nana Montana.
" And the winner is I can't read this.
I need my glasses.
That near-sighted one is hot.
Oh, in my old age I don't need hot.
I like my women the way I like my soup-- Room temperature and a little salty.
- Oh.
- Ow.
Oh, just hurry up and choose the winner.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
You've already gone But this time I'm determined to make it to the toilet.
I don't think that's funny.
Oh, do you really have to go potty.
No.
You promised me a fun day, But you embarrass me in front of my grandchildren.
Owen, Georgie, Willow, Turn off your set And never watch this show again.
Good thing old people can't throw very far, huh? Except that lady.
Man, she's got an arm.
Tapioca pudding? I asked for a burger.
Where is my burger? Love my pudding.
I'll tell you where your burger is.
I guess she saw the elderly choice sketch.
So did the wardrobe department.
You know Estelle, the one that's been there for 30 years? She took all my clothes and left me with this And these! What happened to you? You know the Grey-haired guard? He wouldn't let me through the gates, So I had to climb the fence, Go under the gates and through the bushes.
And then they threw watmeal at you.
What? Oh, no, that's just from breakfast.
Well well well, If it isn't the face of geezer hatred.
You heard? Oh, yeah, we all did.
Isn't that right, kids? Did you bring them here to boo us? - No, to thank you.
- Really? Yeah, because just for a minute their fear of clowns Took a back seat to their grandparents' tears.
Now my grandma called me.
She told me not to watch your show.
I said, "it's okay, I already don't.
" You know, one day you're gonna be exposed For the jerk you really are.
- Oh my gosh.
- Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Shh shh.
- Curlers? - They're not curlers, okay? Girls wear curlers.
These are my healthy-hair rods.
My follicle consultant has me wearing them to-- To keep my hair happy And attached to my scalp.
Wait, you're afraid of losing your hair? But you're 17.
Buddy was 17 and like that-- melon.
Melon? Melon I say! Oops.
It's time to get the kids back to the institute.
Now if you'll excuse me Hey, listen, Chad, the lunch lady really hates us now, So do you think you could get us some lunch? Oh, I could.
Look at us-- starved, battered Hated by kids and their grandparents everywhere.
We have to do something.
We have to apologize.
Okay, I'm listening.
Not to you.
Honestly, the last thing that we wanted to do Was insult anybody or hurt anybody's feelings.
Grace, Edith, everybody, We're very very sorry.
So are we cool? So Ne to see you guys again.
Bye.
Tawni, we can't just leave like this.
Oh, don't pay any attention to those wet blankets.
The three of us have talked it over And we feel that we may have overreacted.
That's right.
We're old.
Let's face it, your sketch was dead on.
Oh, it was so funny-- "Nana Montana.
" Hilarious.
You kids with your skinny jeans and your comedy.
That's a relief.
Oh, lovely.
Right on time.
My 11:00 tuna sandwich.
They bring you sandwiches? Oh, and that's not all.
Have you ever played accordion hero While being served pizza by a nice lady in a white dress? Not a white dress.
Oh, you have not lived.
Follow me.
I'm so sick of this place.
Yes, you girls are so lucky.
You get to go out, Live adventurous lives While we're stuck in this dungeon.
Aww, yeah, we are lucky.
Bye.
What? Tawni, no.
You know what? We're gonna take you ladies shopping.
- Oh.
- Oh, my.
We are gonna shop till we drop, so come on, ladies.
That was just an expression.
I didn't mean anything C.
D.
Coop.
What up, Doop? Oh, the kids are back from the institute? They're cured? Sweet.
Send them in to thank me in person.
Hey, kids.
Ooh, my hair is ready.
You kids are in for a treat.
Who's ready to see some healthy hair? Yay! Right? Yeah, all right.
What? It's just me.
It's Uncle Chaddy.
Why are you running? What? Silly kids.
Kids, come back! I'm not really a clown! Thank you so much for letting grace run into the bank.
Her granddaughter's birthday is coming up And she always sends her crisp $5 bills.
Aww, her granddaughter is gonna love it.
You know, she can buy a yo-yo or a doll or-- She's 38.
--Or a yogurt, maybe one topping.
Oh, look, here comes grace.
Ugh, look at that old bag.
- Tawni.
- What? She's carrying an old bag.
I'd better go help her out.
Here, grace, let me give you a hand.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Oh, this is really heavy.
You wouldn't have gotten those $5 in pennies.
No, it was $300,000 in $20s.
I just robbed the bank.
Grace, you are so funny.
Tawni, get this-- Grace just told me that she robbed the bank.
- Isn't that hilarious? And now she's gonna tell us it's a real police siren.
Oh my gosh, that's a real police siren And real police lights.
You guys really did Rob the bank? Correction-- we all robbed the bank.
We did? Now drive, roots.
Roots? Are my roots showing? Did you not hear the woman? We just robbed the bank.
I asked a question-- are my roots showing? Yes, they are.
Now step on it.
We gotta lose the Po-Po.
Ah, this is the life-- Bingo, juice.
I can't wait to get old.
I cannot wait till 2:15-- Tai chi with Mel.
A cramp, a cramp.
B5.
Look alive.
Bingo! I win, I win.
What do I win? An extra fruit cup.
Oh, age is wasted on the old.
Guys, guys, you gotta help us.
Sonny, so loud.
Yeah, like the rock and the roll.
Guys, these biddies robbed a bank And the Po-Po think we drove the getaway car.
- We're criminals.
- Everybody shut up.
We gotta stash the cash.
You two-- Pancakes, bacon-- find a place.
Hey, how about that hole in the wall we made? Shh, they don't know about the hole, pancakes.
I thought I was bacon.
Put it in the hole! Bacon, catch.
Okay, you know what? Let's just all calm down.
There's plenty of time to think about this.
I mean, there's no way that policemen Are gonna come looking for bank robbers at an old folks' home.
Freeze! - You'll never take her alive! - You can totally take me alive.
- I just want my fruit cup.
- Officer, none of us did anything wrong.
Except for that hole in the wall we made.
- Shut up, pancakes.
- I am bacon.
Then who robbed the bank? These dinosaurs? - Yes.
- Us? Rob a bank and make a clean getaway? I can't even make it to the toilet.
You're pathetic, Blaming these sweet old ladies.
- Hands behind your back! - No, I can't go to prison.
There's not enough closet space in prison.
Why did we do a sketch making them fragile and weak? These guys are smart, fast and dangerous.
We totally could have put them on the trampoline.
Grace, please tell the officer the truth.
The truth? Fine.
For a policeman, My nephew makes a very good actor.
- Actor? - Nephew? And scene.
You tricked us.
I believe the kids call it "punking.
" Well, you promised my friend a fun day with "so random!" She finally got it.
Wow, you guys really got us good.
You know what? We totally deserved it.
The next time we do a sketch about old people-- We won't be doing any more sketches about old people.
So we're even.
I'll tell my grandkids to give your show another shot.
And if you can put Owen, Georgie and Willow's names in a sketch-- Done.
Dude, your fruit cup.
Yes, finally my bingo-winning fruit cup.
- Looks good.
- I'll say.
Beauty before age.
Can you believe I have to share a room with her? Why don't you just switch rooms? Mm, I'd miss her too much.
What are you doing? I'm trying to hug you.
Maybe in 60 years.
We're gonna know each other in 60 years? Oh, tawni.