Still the King (2016) s02e08 Episode Script
Trayning Day
1 VERNON: Previously on "Still The King" Vernon Burning Brown.
I opened for you, now you're trying to sneak into my sold-out massive arena show.
Man, that's rich like me.
What you got going on? Man, I just wanna get back to the real me, my music.
I'm not trying to make you biggest star in country music.
I'm trying to make you the biggest star in the world.
- What the hell? - You said I could trust you.
I think we can take the money from other investors to pay him, and then he'll tell his friends, and then they'll invest, and then no one will really know where the money comes from.
- Mm.
- Is that bad? Normally, I'd say yes.
RONNIE: My name is Ronnie.
Not this guy.
[tires squeal.]
RONNIE: There, that's me.
Just leased this baby.
Last week, I made $940, which really pissed me off.
Because it was only $9,060 short of 5 figures.
Give her a bath and a hot rubdown.
[keys jingle.]
RONNIE: No, no, my jacket was white, like Don Johnson in "Miami Vice.
" I work hard, I play hard.
And I demand a lot of respect.
Wow.
You have really come up quickly.
So, like I was saying 30 minutes ago, this sink here is all fixed.
And I gotta get going.
That guy's either a calculated genius or a [bleep.]
moron.
Jim, language.
No, no, Ronnie, he's definitely our guy.
[tires squeal.]
[guitar plays.]
[knocking at door.]
Can you get that, Deb? - I'm working on this thing here - [knocking continues.]
Got a rabbit on the run here.
[guitars plays.]
Greetings and salutations.
- I'm Crazy Dave.
- It's for you.
Hey, Dave, what are you doing here? Oh.
Vernon Brown, you have been hand-selected to be shadowed by one of the great thespians of this generation.
Not since Brando Surprise, surprise, surprise! Great job, Dave.
Next time, let's just cut that down a little bit, buddy.
Trayne, what are you doing here? I'm doing you.
I'm playing Vernon Brown in the movie.
What the hell are you talking about? You didn't hear? CMT's a movie of the week about you.
Well, by God, it's about time they honored me for my music.
[laughing.]
They ain't doing nothing about your music, man.
It's about you scamming that church, being a deadbeat dad.
I didn't give anybody permission to do anything with my life story.
It's an unauthorized biography, man.
They don't need permission.
Vernon, those things are always sensationalized.
I mean, they're gonna make you look like a horrible person.
Look what they did to poor Tori Spelling.
Who is this sweet little treasure? Oh, that's Debbie.
Charlotte's Mama.
How do we feel about Debbie? What's our emotion? Oh, well, Debbie, uh, she's cool.
I mean, even though she's with another guy.
Uh, it doesn't bother me at all.
Hell, I don't even think about it, you know? It doesn't bother me.
Okay.
So seeing her with another guy makes you jealous, but you can't admit it.
You're losing her, man.
- Tearing you up inside.
- That's one way of putting it.
Okay, okay, I got it.
So we're an idiot.
Debbie you look radiant.
Why thank you.
Now I think I like this version of Vernon better.
Dave, why don't you go wait in the chopper? Really? Permission to ride on the inside this time, Captain? Permission denied, Private.
[whistles.]
Now, Vern, as a singer I put the switch.
Go right into entertainment mode.
But as an actor, I am method, man.
Gotta feel it, gotta see it.
I gotta hear it, smell it, taste it.
What is that? I gotta get right up into that headspace of failure of yours.
So I'm gonna have to follow you around for a day, do some character research.
Not gonna be in the way.
Just a fly on the wall.
Not gonna happen, Trayne.
I thought you might say that.
That's why I got 1400 big ones with your name on it.
Say half now, half later? - That changes things.
- That changes things.
What are you doing with your mouth? Oh, what are you doing with your mouth? - No, the - [mumbling.]
- That's weird.
- That's weird.
- You're freaking me out.
- You're freaking me out.
- Stop doing that.
- Stop doing that.
Where are you headed, young lady? Oh, hold on.
I have a note.
Orthodontist appointment.
Mm, if I call this number, your mom will answer? - Yeah, of course.
- [clears throat.]
[dialing phone.]
[phone ringing.]
Uh, I I think I grabbed my mom's phone by accident.
Come with me.
When are you taking that stuff off, man? You're starting to creep me out.
When I crawl into character Pacino style, I don't escape until the director says, "Cut!" Listen, man, I only got a couple hours in here, I'm really gonna need you to be that fly on the wall.
Fly on the wall.
Buzz.
So I was like, "Sure, I'm your preacher.
" So I grabbed a big, old pile of cash from the coffer and took off in a stolen bread truck full of hookers.
[laughs.]
You sound just like Vernon.
Not how that went, but nobody cares.
Alright, sorry about that, Courtney.
I know we're on a time crunch, buddy, let's get it going.
Man, are you kidding me? That was great.
Trayne has over 10 million Twitter followers.
So we wrote the song about Debbie, yet we haven't told her about it or played it for her.
This character makes no sense.
Oh, okay, speaking of not making sense, how 'bout you getting behind the console, okay? If we can knock this out, I can get to lecture on aliens - I was telling you about.
- What is Walt? - Like a sidekick? - Hey, I'm no sidekick.
Vernon's friend.
Somebody who's around as a confidant in case he wants to voice his innermost feelings.
Yeah, right.
[laughs.]
Fly on the wall.
Okay, everybody, let's do it just like we rehearsed it, okay? - Courtney, let's roll one.
- Okay, we are now rolling.
Two, three, four, five.
If I never see your smile again I don't mean to interrupt Good, then here we go.
Well, I think if you cut out that intro, bang, you can jump right in faster.
It's just a suggestion.
We're not doing that.
Come on, let's do it like we rehearsed, okay? Everybody, ready? One, two, three.
Man, when you're right, you're right, Vern.
It's better that way.
Fly on the wall.
Are you done now? You sure? Okay, come on.
One more time.
Let's lay it down.
Ready, Courtney, hit it, rolling.
Three, four, yeah.
Uh, it's just toying with my mind right now.
Let me show ya.
Try it like this.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Cluck, cluck, blah, blah, blah Yeah, it's less melancholy.
It's more driving.
Great suggestion, T.
Call me, Vernon.
Great suggestion, Vernon.
Hell no.
Hey, wait, Vernon.
Where are you going? Smoke break.
COURTNEY: Okay, guys, take ten.
Hi there.
Mind if we join you? Sorry, fellas, Ronnie only eats alone.
That's why I bought out the whole Hibachi.
Bosho, dog me.
Nice catch.
Real impressive.
Hey, can you teach me that trick? If you're gonna hover over me, you might as well watch and learn.
Great, so, um, my name's Gene.
That's Jim.
Why do you always feel the need to introduce me? I'm a grown man.
I can introduce myself.
Because, Jim, you never do.
Hi, I'm Jim.
Happy? Uh hi.
[flame sizzling.]
Oooh! This place is not cheap.
How can you afford to order off-menu? Well, I'm a trader.
Brokering trades, stock, bonds.
Honestly, I hate Teppanyaki, but Bosho here makes the best burger in town.
You gotta be pretty smart to do work like that.
Well, don't wanna brag on myself.
But people are starting to take notice.
Let's say I wanted to invest.
Uh.
What would you tell me to buy? [screams.]
[groaning.]
That's TMI, guy.
TMI? We haven't said anything yet.
No.
Trident Marina Investments, TMI.
It's Coy's company.
He's the boss.
Anything he touches turns to pure cash.
It almost sounds too good to be true.
That's what I tell my investors.
ALL: [laughing.]
So, uh, Ronnie, why don't you tell me a little bit more about this Coy? If I never see your smile again Never once touch your skin Oh, hell no.
Huh-uh.
This ain't working.
What the hell are you doing? Hey, man, what are you doing? I was hitting a groove.
Did you hear that? Real groovy, now take a hike! Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.
It actually really did sound pretty good.
I mean, we could just drop his vocal behind yours.
Or out in front where it belongs.
What are you talking about, Courtney? I told you, man, I wrote this song.
- It's real personal to me.
- I know.
I'm sorry, man.
I hear music, it just gets my juices flowing.
I was thinking about this, Vern.
I was thinking, we could take this same beat, put in some island drums, turn it into a song for your next album.
I bet you I could get Chesney to sing a verse.
Are you serious? Hey, man, let's take this back from the top.
Hell no.
Wait, where are you going? This is good.
Get that, get that, get that.
Let's take it back from the top.
No, no, no, man.
Now hang on.
Are you here as an actor or as a musician? I don't know now, I'm confused.
Well, get back out of the way, man.
Come on, let's pick up where we was at.
We don't have time for anymore distractions.
That's it.
Did somebody order a pizza party? Huh, huh? Trayne Crowstown? Wow, I'm a huge fan.
My ex-wife Cynthia and I used to make so much sweet love - to your album.
- Not now, Doily.
We're in a real time crunch here.
Hey, how do we feel about this Doily? - [phone ringing.]
- Hey, hold on, excuse me.
- Hey, Deb.
- What you got here? Your pepperoni.
And shrimp and pesto.
You keep that shrimp away from me, alright? I got terrible allergies, and I'm gonna swell up like that purple girl from "Willy Wonka.
" Same thing that happened to my aunt.
I had to give her an emergency tracheotomy with a ballpoint pen.
It was awesome.
Debbie, not now.
I'm really busy, okay? But I think you got this.
Oh, something's up.
Come on, give me, give me.
What is it? Charlotte's in trouble at school, and they wanna have a parent-teacher conference.
Told Deb I think she can handle it by herself.
Okay, okay, I'm tracking this.
So we should be more involved in our daughter's life, but we push the more serious stuff onto Debbie.
Am I right? Oh hell.
I gotta go, y'all.
We'll have to finish this another time.
Hey, Vernon, does that mean I can go to my antediluvian alien conference? - Yeah, go ahead, and go.
- Oh, asking permission? Now that's a total sidekick move.
- No, it's not.
- It is to.
- It's not.
- What is this? - [blows air.]
- Sidekick.
Oh my God.
Thanks, Vern.
The pyramids were built nowhere near any source of the stone blocks.
Facts.
It's impossible to [unintelligible.]
.
Fact.
The pyramids were built by extraterrestrial beings.
Fact.
Not humans using primitive tools.
[laughing.]
[audience applause.]
Isn't there evidence that the tools discovered were in fact not primitive? Potentially utilizing focused resin sound frequencies, rending the stones weightless? Ladies and gentlemen, this young lady believes that humans built the pyramids using primitive tools.
[laughs.]
Well, the same principles were used in other secret sites, such as Stonehenge, Easter Island, even world You're still talking, hmm? She's right.
Oh, look, there's another one.
You folks are aware that this isn't a Q&A, right? [laughing.]
All those sacred sites have one thing in common.
The stone being used is made of a crystalline structure.
Quartz, limestone And this one's talking gibberish.
Mm.
[audience laughing.]
Okay, let me put it in laymen's terms for you.
When resident vibrational frequencies are applied to crystalline structure, physicists have theorized that their core physical properties can be manipulated.
Even their relationship to gravitational waves.
It's basic Tesla with a dash of neonetonial quantum wave theory.
[audience applause.]
So how are we gonna play this? Are we mad at teacher for messing up our studio time? Or concerned with the nature of the meeting? Does he really have to be here? Trust me, nobody wants the son bitch gone more than me, but he's paying me.
Thank you for coming in today.
I wanna discuss some issues Charlotte's been having.
I have to be honest, Ms.
Hammon, I didn't know she was having any problems.
See, I think I can relate, Ma'am.
'Cause I never was that great at school.
I actually learned most everything I ever knew on tour.
[whispers.]
Not helping.
Not how I would have played it.
We're such a flawed character.
Mrs.
Cooke, I'm assuming you didn't write these notes.
No.
But it is strikingly similar to my handwriting.
You wanna explain these? Charlotte has filled me in about your situation at home.
I take it these are the possible fathers? No.
He's shadowing him for it's a long story.
Fly on a wall.
Well, is there possibly some extra credit she could do or something she could test she could make up? Can I jump in here? I don't wanna intervene, but these are very trying times for a teenager.
Especially one from a hectic household like young Charlotte You don't know anything about our family, Trayne.
Well, I know that Debbie has the very best intentions.
Hell, Vernon probably does, too.
But there's a bigger picture.
Let me explain.
Can't wait.
This outta be good.
The speed at which change happens is increasing rapidly in our lifetime.
[imitating wind.]
And because of this, generational wisdom advice can no longer be about everyday things.
Let's keep to broader topics like mortality and empathy instead of trying to relate about texting and social climates.
What a load of crap.
So what you're saying is the root of our experience is no longer relevant to today's children.
Add that with the new baby with multiple fathers Excuse me, it's not multiple fathers.
Okay, it's only two.
I mean, only one of the two is the father.
This is what I am dealing with.
I'm surprised you're doing as well as you.
Sometimes, uh, I really wanna study, but it's really hard to find a quiet place around the house.
A quiet place? Charlotte, I work most nights.
I mean, you have the whole house Come and see me during your lunch.
We can work through your missed assignments together.
Thank you so much.
I really do appreciate it.
I guess, in the end, I just really need someone who like actually cares.
I know you guys have a hectic life.
But, please, don't let this young lady down.
Yes, Ma'am.
As you know, it takes a village.
COY: Uh, harder.
- Oh, yeah, harder, harder.
- Boss.
Hey, Ronnie.
Come on in, what's on your mind? I met these super nice guys at Chaci Hibachi.
Bosho! The meat volcano, deliciouso.
Yeah, it's so good.
Anyway, they're asking lots of questions about the company.
Pretty sure I can turn them into investors.
Oh, well, good work.
Would you just grab me the Flex-All 454 - out of the drawer there? - Alright.
They're asking about me, my job, uh, all sorts of other stuff.
Um, they were even asking about who runs the company and other stallions.
Thank you, Greta.
You can leave.
I need to know exactly what you told these guys.
Did I do something wrong, boss? You know, I view this company like my kingdom.
I am the king! Oh, it's kinda like that boobs and dragon show on HBO.
It's exactly like that, Ronnie.
Oh.
I mean, I didn't tell 'em anything.
I just told 'em about the day-to-day operations of the company and how you taught me how to practically steal money.
[bell rings.]
I can't believe she sold us out like that.
She and I are gonna have a very long talk on the way home.
Don't go too hard on her, Deb.
I mean, she did manage to turn that teacher around and stay out of trouble.
Vernon, that's not something we should be proud of.
Let me get this right.
So we're "let's be friends" parents.
The kind that want all kids to get participation medals.
Got it.
Okay, no wonder Charlotte' all screwed up.
I'm done with this.
Now hold on here, Chief.
You don't have no right to talk about my daughter.
Besides, this day's about over.
How 'bout you turn over the rest of that cash? Well, Vernon this has been very helpful.
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
But I feel like you're still hiding from me.
Come on, Vern.
Let me in there.
Let me park my brand-new 2017 Lambo in that empty single-car garage of yours.
Oh, I've let you in the garage, son.
But you ain't had a tour of the dark attic yet.
What are you saying to me? I'm saying you don't know Vernon Brown until you know his darkness.
You will truly never know Vernon Brown until you've broken the law.
I hope to hell you're being serious, 'cause I freaking love this idea.
What's the plan? Well, if you were me, which you are, I would march into that market right there and take everything there is out of the register.
[laughing.]
- Give me a gun.
- You don't need no gun, man.
Just put your hand in your pocket.
Come on, you're an actor.
I'm doing this.
[dialing phone.]
Uh, yeah, I'd like to report a robbery at the Wedgehill Market.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, white male, blue shirt, bit overweight, cool style, but obviously trying too hard.
Okay, thank you very much.
[engine starts.]
Dumb son of a bitch.
Whoo-hoo! I got it! I got it! [siren wailing.]
MALE OFFICER: Get out of the car now! Get out of the car! FEMALE OFFICER: Let me see your hands! Hands on the car! [unintelligible.]
Yeah, looks like we got him.
Matches the description exactly.
- Like hell it does.
- Shut up.
Oh, yeah, definitely our guy.
He still has the cash on him.
It's not me.
Trayne's the one you want.
- Shut up! - Yes, Ma'am.
The look on his pompous face was amazing.
You were incredible.
Well probably enjoyed that more than I should have.
[laughs.]
Thank you for sticking up for me.
It meant a lot.
UTI looks out for their own.
Membership has its privileges.
[laughs.]
Hey, are you hungry? Um, there's a great Teppanyaki place nearby that I know about.
That would be a perfect end to a great day.
Cool.
After you.
- Oh, I feel like a princess.
- Princess Leia.
I don't follow the royal family.
I'm teasing.
"Return of the Jedi's" in my top three.
Of course, "Empire" and "New Hope" being one and two, respectively.
Thank God.
I never needed a drink so bad in my life.
Thanks for picking me up.
I can't believe you talked him into robbing that store.
Yeah, I'll tell you the truth.
I was just lucky Trayne had some friends down at the police department to explain us out of it.
Now I know where Charlotte gets it.
You know, I've just been so focused on this baby, I haven't been paying her enough attention.
Well, I could pitch in and pick up the slack.
I mean, seems like the least I could do.
You growing my baby and all.
Still don't know if it's yours.
Well, I know one thing.
Trayne was right.
Pregnant looks good on you.
[laughs.]
Yeah.
You know, I think you make a much better version of you than Trayne does.
You make me a better version of me.
That's the sappiest [bleep.]
I ever heard.
If I never see your smile again Never want to touch your skin Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Cluck, cluck, blah, blah, blah, blah
I opened for you, now you're trying to sneak into my sold-out massive arena show.
Man, that's rich like me.
What you got going on? Man, I just wanna get back to the real me, my music.
I'm not trying to make you biggest star in country music.
I'm trying to make you the biggest star in the world.
- What the hell? - You said I could trust you.
I think we can take the money from other investors to pay him, and then he'll tell his friends, and then they'll invest, and then no one will really know where the money comes from.
- Mm.
- Is that bad? Normally, I'd say yes.
RONNIE: My name is Ronnie.
Not this guy.
[tires squeal.]
RONNIE: There, that's me.
Just leased this baby.
Last week, I made $940, which really pissed me off.
Because it was only $9,060 short of 5 figures.
Give her a bath and a hot rubdown.
[keys jingle.]
RONNIE: No, no, my jacket was white, like Don Johnson in "Miami Vice.
" I work hard, I play hard.
And I demand a lot of respect.
Wow.
You have really come up quickly.
So, like I was saying 30 minutes ago, this sink here is all fixed.
And I gotta get going.
That guy's either a calculated genius or a [bleep.]
moron.
Jim, language.
No, no, Ronnie, he's definitely our guy.
[tires squeal.]
[guitar plays.]
[knocking at door.]
Can you get that, Deb? - I'm working on this thing here - [knocking continues.]
Got a rabbit on the run here.
[guitars plays.]
Greetings and salutations.
- I'm Crazy Dave.
- It's for you.
Hey, Dave, what are you doing here? Oh.
Vernon Brown, you have been hand-selected to be shadowed by one of the great thespians of this generation.
Not since Brando Surprise, surprise, surprise! Great job, Dave.
Next time, let's just cut that down a little bit, buddy.
Trayne, what are you doing here? I'm doing you.
I'm playing Vernon Brown in the movie.
What the hell are you talking about? You didn't hear? CMT's a movie of the week about you.
Well, by God, it's about time they honored me for my music.
[laughing.]
They ain't doing nothing about your music, man.
It's about you scamming that church, being a deadbeat dad.
I didn't give anybody permission to do anything with my life story.
It's an unauthorized biography, man.
They don't need permission.
Vernon, those things are always sensationalized.
I mean, they're gonna make you look like a horrible person.
Look what they did to poor Tori Spelling.
Who is this sweet little treasure? Oh, that's Debbie.
Charlotte's Mama.
How do we feel about Debbie? What's our emotion? Oh, well, Debbie, uh, she's cool.
I mean, even though she's with another guy.
Uh, it doesn't bother me at all.
Hell, I don't even think about it, you know? It doesn't bother me.
Okay.
So seeing her with another guy makes you jealous, but you can't admit it.
You're losing her, man.
- Tearing you up inside.
- That's one way of putting it.
Okay, okay, I got it.
So we're an idiot.
Debbie you look radiant.
Why thank you.
Now I think I like this version of Vernon better.
Dave, why don't you go wait in the chopper? Really? Permission to ride on the inside this time, Captain? Permission denied, Private.
[whistles.]
Now, Vern, as a singer I put the switch.
Go right into entertainment mode.
But as an actor, I am method, man.
Gotta feel it, gotta see it.
I gotta hear it, smell it, taste it.
What is that? I gotta get right up into that headspace of failure of yours.
So I'm gonna have to follow you around for a day, do some character research.
Not gonna be in the way.
Just a fly on the wall.
Not gonna happen, Trayne.
I thought you might say that.
That's why I got 1400 big ones with your name on it.
Say half now, half later? - That changes things.
- That changes things.
What are you doing with your mouth? Oh, what are you doing with your mouth? - No, the - [mumbling.]
- That's weird.
- That's weird.
- You're freaking me out.
- You're freaking me out.
- Stop doing that.
- Stop doing that.
Where are you headed, young lady? Oh, hold on.
I have a note.
Orthodontist appointment.
Mm, if I call this number, your mom will answer? - Yeah, of course.
- [clears throat.]
[dialing phone.]
[phone ringing.]
Uh, I I think I grabbed my mom's phone by accident.
Come with me.
When are you taking that stuff off, man? You're starting to creep me out.
When I crawl into character Pacino style, I don't escape until the director says, "Cut!" Listen, man, I only got a couple hours in here, I'm really gonna need you to be that fly on the wall.
Fly on the wall.
Buzz.
So I was like, "Sure, I'm your preacher.
" So I grabbed a big, old pile of cash from the coffer and took off in a stolen bread truck full of hookers.
[laughs.]
You sound just like Vernon.
Not how that went, but nobody cares.
Alright, sorry about that, Courtney.
I know we're on a time crunch, buddy, let's get it going.
Man, are you kidding me? That was great.
Trayne has over 10 million Twitter followers.
So we wrote the song about Debbie, yet we haven't told her about it or played it for her.
This character makes no sense.
Oh, okay, speaking of not making sense, how 'bout you getting behind the console, okay? If we can knock this out, I can get to lecture on aliens - I was telling you about.
- What is Walt? - Like a sidekick? - Hey, I'm no sidekick.
Vernon's friend.
Somebody who's around as a confidant in case he wants to voice his innermost feelings.
Yeah, right.
[laughs.]
Fly on the wall.
Okay, everybody, let's do it just like we rehearsed it, okay? - Courtney, let's roll one.
- Okay, we are now rolling.
Two, three, four, five.
If I never see your smile again I don't mean to interrupt Good, then here we go.
Well, I think if you cut out that intro, bang, you can jump right in faster.
It's just a suggestion.
We're not doing that.
Come on, let's do it like we rehearsed, okay? Everybody, ready? One, two, three.
Man, when you're right, you're right, Vern.
It's better that way.
Fly on the wall.
Are you done now? You sure? Okay, come on.
One more time.
Let's lay it down.
Ready, Courtney, hit it, rolling.
Three, four, yeah.
Uh, it's just toying with my mind right now.
Let me show ya.
Try it like this.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Cluck, cluck, blah, blah, blah Yeah, it's less melancholy.
It's more driving.
Great suggestion, T.
Call me, Vernon.
Great suggestion, Vernon.
Hell no.
Hey, wait, Vernon.
Where are you going? Smoke break.
COURTNEY: Okay, guys, take ten.
Hi there.
Mind if we join you? Sorry, fellas, Ronnie only eats alone.
That's why I bought out the whole Hibachi.
Bosho, dog me.
Nice catch.
Real impressive.
Hey, can you teach me that trick? If you're gonna hover over me, you might as well watch and learn.
Great, so, um, my name's Gene.
That's Jim.
Why do you always feel the need to introduce me? I'm a grown man.
I can introduce myself.
Because, Jim, you never do.
Hi, I'm Jim.
Happy? Uh hi.
[flame sizzling.]
Oooh! This place is not cheap.
How can you afford to order off-menu? Well, I'm a trader.
Brokering trades, stock, bonds.
Honestly, I hate Teppanyaki, but Bosho here makes the best burger in town.
You gotta be pretty smart to do work like that.
Well, don't wanna brag on myself.
But people are starting to take notice.
Let's say I wanted to invest.
Uh.
What would you tell me to buy? [screams.]
[groaning.]
That's TMI, guy.
TMI? We haven't said anything yet.
No.
Trident Marina Investments, TMI.
It's Coy's company.
He's the boss.
Anything he touches turns to pure cash.
It almost sounds too good to be true.
That's what I tell my investors.
ALL: [laughing.]
So, uh, Ronnie, why don't you tell me a little bit more about this Coy? If I never see your smile again Never once touch your skin Oh, hell no.
Huh-uh.
This ain't working.
What the hell are you doing? Hey, man, what are you doing? I was hitting a groove.
Did you hear that? Real groovy, now take a hike! Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.
It actually really did sound pretty good.
I mean, we could just drop his vocal behind yours.
Or out in front where it belongs.
What are you talking about, Courtney? I told you, man, I wrote this song.
- It's real personal to me.
- I know.
I'm sorry, man.
I hear music, it just gets my juices flowing.
I was thinking about this, Vern.
I was thinking, we could take this same beat, put in some island drums, turn it into a song for your next album.
I bet you I could get Chesney to sing a verse.
Are you serious? Hey, man, let's take this back from the top.
Hell no.
Wait, where are you going? This is good.
Get that, get that, get that.
Let's take it back from the top.
No, no, no, man.
Now hang on.
Are you here as an actor or as a musician? I don't know now, I'm confused.
Well, get back out of the way, man.
Come on, let's pick up where we was at.
We don't have time for anymore distractions.
That's it.
Did somebody order a pizza party? Huh, huh? Trayne Crowstown? Wow, I'm a huge fan.
My ex-wife Cynthia and I used to make so much sweet love - to your album.
- Not now, Doily.
We're in a real time crunch here.
Hey, how do we feel about this Doily? - [phone ringing.]
- Hey, hold on, excuse me.
- Hey, Deb.
- What you got here? Your pepperoni.
And shrimp and pesto.
You keep that shrimp away from me, alright? I got terrible allergies, and I'm gonna swell up like that purple girl from "Willy Wonka.
" Same thing that happened to my aunt.
I had to give her an emergency tracheotomy with a ballpoint pen.
It was awesome.
Debbie, not now.
I'm really busy, okay? But I think you got this.
Oh, something's up.
Come on, give me, give me.
What is it? Charlotte's in trouble at school, and they wanna have a parent-teacher conference.
Told Deb I think she can handle it by herself.
Okay, okay, I'm tracking this.
So we should be more involved in our daughter's life, but we push the more serious stuff onto Debbie.
Am I right? Oh hell.
I gotta go, y'all.
We'll have to finish this another time.
Hey, Vernon, does that mean I can go to my antediluvian alien conference? - Yeah, go ahead, and go.
- Oh, asking permission? Now that's a total sidekick move.
- No, it's not.
- It is to.
- It's not.
- What is this? - [blows air.]
- Sidekick.
Oh my God.
Thanks, Vern.
The pyramids were built nowhere near any source of the stone blocks.
Facts.
It's impossible to [unintelligible.]
.
Fact.
The pyramids were built by extraterrestrial beings.
Fact.
Not humans using primitive tools.
[laughing.]
[audience applause.]
Isn't there evidence that the tools discovered were in fact not primitive? Potentially utilizing focused resin sound frequencies, rending the stones weightless? Ladies and gentlemen, this young lady believes that humans built the pyramids using primitive tools.
[laughs.]
Well, the same principles were used in other secret sites, such as Stonehenge, Easter Island, even world You're still talking, hmm? She's right.
Oh, look, there's another one.
You folks are aware that this isn't a Q&A, right? [laughing.]
All those sacred sites have one thing in common.
The stone being used is made of a crystalline structure.
Quartz, limestone And this one's talking gibberish.
Mm.
[audience laughing.]
Okay, let me put it in laymen's terms for you.
When resident vibrational frequencies are applied to crystalline structure, physicists have theorized that their core physical properties can be manipulated.
Even their relationship to gravitational waves.
It's basic Tesla with a dash of neonetonial quantum wave theory.
[audience applause.]
So how are we gonna play this? Are we mad at teacher for messing up our studio time? Or concerned with the nature of the meeting? Does he really have to be here? Trust me, nobody wants the son bitch gone more than me, but he's paying me.
Thank you for coming in today.
I wanna discuss some issues Charlotte's been having.
I have to be honest, Ms.
Hammon, I didn't know she was having any problems.
See, I think I can relate, Ma'am.
'Cause I never was that great at school.
I actually learned most everything I ever knew on tour.
[whispers.]
Not helping.
Not how I would have played it.
We're such a flawed character.
Mrs.
Cooke, I'm assuming you didn't write these notes.
No.
But it is strikingly similar to my handwriting.
You wanna explain these? Charlotte has filled me in about your situation at home.
I take it these are the possible fathers? No.
He's shadowing him for it's a long story.
Fly on a wall.
Well, is there possibly some extra credit she could do or something she could test she could make up? Can I jump in here? I don't wanna intervene, but these are very trying times for a teenager.
Especially one from a hectic household like young Charlotte You don't know anything about our family, Trayne.
Well, I know that Debbie has the very best intentions.
Hell, Vernon probably does, too.
But there's a bigger picture.
Let me explain.
Can't wait.
This outta be good.
The speed at which change happens is increasing rapidly in our lifetime.
[imitating wind.]
And because of this, generational wisdom advice can no longer be about everyday things.
Let's keep to broader topics like mortality and empathy instead of trying to relate about texting and social climates.
What a load of crap.
So what you're saying is the root of our experience is no longer relevant to today's children.
Add that with the new baby with multiple fathers Excuse me, it's not multiple fathers.
Okay, it's only two.
I mean, only one of the two is the father.
This is what I am dealing with.
I'm surprised you're doing as well as you.
Sometimes, uh, I really wanna study, but it's really hard to find a quiet place around the house.
A quiet place? Charlotte, I work most nights.
I mean, you have the whole house Come and see me during your lunch.
We can work through your missed assignments together.
Thank you so much.
I really do appreciate it.
I guess, in the end, I just really need someone who like actually cares.
I know you guys have a hectic life.
But, please, don't let this young lady down.
Yes, Ma'am.
As you know, it takes a village.
COY: Uh, harder.
- Oh, yeah, harder, harder.
- Boss.
Hey, Ronnie.
Come on in, what's on your mind? I met these super nice guys at Chaci Hibachi.
Bosho! The meat volcano, deliciouso.
Yeah, it's so good.
Anyway, they're asking lots of questions about the company.
Pretty sure I can turn them into investors.
Oh, well, good work.
Would you just grab me the Flex-All 454 - out of the drawer there? - Alright.
They're asking about me, my job, uh, all sorts of other stuff.
Um, they were even asking about who runs the company and other stallions.
Thank you, Greta.
You can leave.
I need to know exactly what you told these guys.
Did I do something wrong, boss? You know, I view this company like my kingdom.
I am the king! Oh, it's kinda like that boobs and dragon show on HBO.
It's exactly like that, Ronnie.
Oh.
I mean, I didn't tell 'em anything.
I just told 'em about the day-to-day operations of the company and how you taught me how to practically steal money.
[bell rings.]
I can't believe she sold us out like that.
She and I are gonna have a very long talk on the way home.
Don't go too hard on her, Deb.
I mean, she did manage to turn that teacher around and stay out of trouble.
Vernon, that's not something we should be proud of.
Let me get this right.
So we're "let's be friends" parents.
The kind that want all kids to get participation medals.
Got it.
Okay, no wonder Charlotte' all screwed up.
I'm done with this.
Now hold on here, Chief.
You don't have no right to talk about my daughter.
Besides, this day's about over.
How 'bout you turn over the rest of that cash? Well, Vernon this has been very helpful.
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
But I feel like you're still hiding from me.
Come on, Vern.
Let me in there.
Let me park my brand-new 2017 Lambo in that empty single-car garage of yours.
Oh, I've let you in the garage, son.
But you ain't had a tour of the dark attic yet.
What are you saying to me? I'm saying you don't know Vernon Brown until you know his darkness.
You will truly never know Vernon Brown until you've broken the law.
I hope to hell you're being serious, 'cause I freaking love this idea.
What's the plan? Well, if you were me, which you are, I would march into that market right there and take everything there is out of the register.
[laughing.]
- Give me a gun.
- You don't need no gun, man.
Just put your hand in your pocket.
Come on, you're an actor.
I'm doing this.
[dialing phone.]
Uh, yeah, I'd like to report a robbery at the Wedgehill Market.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, white male, blue shirt, bit overweight, cool style, but obviously trying too hard.
Okay, thank you very much.
[engine starts.]
Dumb son of a bitch.
Whoo-hoo! I got it! I got it! [siren wailing.]
MALE OFFICER: Get out of the car now! Get out of the car! FEMALE OFFICER: Let me see your hands! Hands on the car! [unintelligible.]
Yeah, looks like we got him.
Matches the description exactly.
- Like hell it does.
- Shut up.
Oh, yeah, definitely our guy.
He still has the cash on him.
It's not me.
Trayne's the one you want.
- Shut up! - Yes, Ma'am.
The look on his pompous face was amazing.
You were incredible.
Well probably enjoyed that more than I should have.
[laughs.]
Thank you for sticking up for me.
It meant a lot.
UTI looks out for their own.
Membership has its privileges.
[laughs.]
Hey, are you hungry? Um, there's a great Teppanyaki place nearby that I know about.
That would be a perfect end to a great day.
Cool.
After you.
- Oh, I feel like a princess.
- Princess Leia.
I don't follow the royal family.
I'm teasing.
"Return of the Jedi's" in my top three.
Of course, "Empire" and "New Hope" being one and two, respectively.
Thank God.
I never needed a drink so bad in my life.
Thanks for picking me up.
I can't believe you talked him into robbing that store.
Yeah, I'll tell you the truth.
I was just lucky Trayne had some friends down at the police department to explain us out of it.
Now I know where Charlotte gets it.
You know, I've just been so focused on this baby, I haven't been paying her enough attention.
Well, I could pitch in and pick up the slack.
I mean, seems like the least I could do.
You growing my baby and all.
Still don't know if it's yours.
Well, I know one thing.
Trayne was right.
Pregnant looks good on you.
[laughs.]
Yeah.
You know, I think you make a much better version of you than Trayne does.
You make me a better version of me.
That's the sappiest [bleep.]
I ever heard.
If I never see your smile again Never want to touch your skin Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Cluck, cluck, blah, blah, blah, blah