Swedish Dicks (2016) s02e08 Episode Script

Copy that.
Copy that.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
This is something really big.
- Do you know who I just talked to? - No.
- On the phone.
- Still, no.
Well, I got a call on this phone.
From who? - I don't know.
- I don't understand.
- Well, I don't think you do.
- Well, that's what I said.
Hey, we got an assignment.
Now, this is a big deal for the two of us.
- What's the - Assignment? I don't know.
Not yet.
That's the beauty of it.
It's top secret.
Huh? Have you ever dreamt of becoming a secret agent? Yeah.
My name is Hans Lundstrom, and, uh, this is Per Nilsson.
- Hey.
- Those are not our real names.
We work for the Swedish Security Service SAPO.
Sometimes we call it the Swedish FBI.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is Linda Hernandez.
She runs our L.
A.
field office.
That's not her real name either.
My real name's Skylyr, spelled S-K-Y-L-Y-R.
So, thanks for that, Mom.
SAPO has a field office in L.
A.
? Officially, SAPO has no operations outside of Sweden, and if someone asks, we will deny it.
Well, try it if you like.
Does SAPO have a field office in Los Angeles? I suppose I can be straight with you guys.
Actually, we do.
The reason we are here is that we need your help.
With what? We can't tell you that until we know we can trust you.
Oh, you can trust us.
You saying that unfortunately isn't good enough.
We made that mistake before.
You're gonna have to promise.
- We promise.
- Great.
Let's rock and roll.
Swedish Dicks 2x08 "The Swedish FBI" Jan 15, 2018 This is Leif Sahlin.
He used to be the Swedish Minister of Defense.
Now he's the Consulate General here at the Swedish Consulate in Los Angeles.
For the last few years, he's been using his position to facilitate industrial espionage.
- Oh? - Yes, you heard her right.
He's buying secret information from unscrupulous Swedish defense workers and selling it to his old buddies in the American arms industry.
This is the best picture I could find illustrating that.
Oh, I suppose there's a reason why you can't act yourselves? The Consulate is a jurisdictional gray area.
If SAPO were to do a sting operation on what is technically American soil, that could instigate a diplomatic incident.
Basically, we need a third party to do the actual stuff so that we don't get into any trouble ourselves.
And what's the actual stuff? Tomorrow, Leif is throwing a cocktail party at the Consulate, and everybody that is anybody will be there.
This is our chance.
To do what? To give him a proposition he can't say no to.
Courtesy of the Swedish FBI.
Hmm.
Can you believe it? Me, Floyd, a secret agent.
This is the big league, Sarah.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
You can't fool me, you know.
I so can fool you.
Remember last April Fool's Day? Saying a circus is coming to town doesn't count.
When I hear something about a circus, my critical thinking goes right out the window.
- Brad's married.
- What? - He's got a wife.
- Brad? Y-Your Brad? When did you find out? Yesterday.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Sarah.
Yeah, well Hey.
You might not feel up for this, but do you wanna come to a party tomorrow? A party? - It's not a party.
But you just said - it was a party.
- No, it-it's a work thing.
- So, why are you taking Sarah? I'm not taking her.
She's just coming along as a fellow secret agent.
Well, why don't you ever take me as a fellow secret agent? I would come to that stuff.
I didn't know you wanted to be a secret agent.
Well, you never asked me.
You could've asked me.
I would've done it.
I'm-I'm-I'm just trying to cheer her up.
You know, she just found out that Brad is married.
Wait, Brad is married? - Yeah.
- Oh, my God! Yeah, that's what I said.
Ugh! You know what? That's not important right now, okay? You're taking somebody who isn't your girlfriend to the biggest party of the year.
And that is considered a deal-breaker on most Web sites.
Well, I-I never said it was the party of the year.
You didn't have to, Axel.
You didn't have to.
I'm sorry, what's the code phrase again? "I hear you have a passion for rap music.
" It's, uh, "I hear you have a passion for rap music"? If our sources are correct, that is.
Hey, uh, you guys really are Swedish dicks, right? - Of course we are.
- Because according to this piece of intel here your friend Floyd is born in Florida.
That's Florida, U.
S.
A.
That can't be right.
He's Swedish for sure.
Yeah, he seemed really Swedish.
We gotta talk to Gunilla about this.
This is getting ridiculous, all this bad intel.
It's embarrassing.
- Ah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- No, no, that's fine.
- Have you talked to Eve, by any chance? - No.
Why? If you do, could you let her know that you and me are not on a date? - We're not on a date.
- You don't have to tell me that, but, you know, Eve can be a little sensitive about these things.
Mm.
You really care about her, don't you? Yeah, for sure.
I mean, she's super nice.
- A regular doll.
- Sarah.
Hi.
Wow, you look, uh, you look amazing.
Um, I've been crying all night, silently, into my pillow, so I don't wake Sannabelle up.
- Your wife's name is Sannabelle? - Yeah.
That's fucked up.
I'm so ashamed of how I treated the both of you.
Especially you.
- I mean, and her also.
- Hey, Brad.
Hi.
Wait, what's goin' on? Nothing.
Are you sleeping with him now? Axel, let's go.
Wait, I thought your name was Floyd.
- It is.
- Axel! Let's go.
- Floyd.
- Whatever.
I love you, Sarah! Fuck off, Brad.
Hi.
Testing, testing.
Uh, testing, testing, guys.
Floyd, can you say "testing, testing" as well, please? Something with this equipment here.
Testing, testing.
Oh! Great.
If you look to your right, you'll see Per.
He's on standby all night.
If you look to your left, you'll find Agent Hernandez.
Same goes for her.
Hello.
Greetings, friends and colleagues.
It feels so great to see so many familiar faces here today.
And as we say in Sweden "Glad you are here.
" Skal.
Skal.
Sweden is actually the only country in the world who has that word.
How did you pronounce it? - "Lagom.
" - Mm.
I couldn't help but overhear you saying the Swedish word lagom.
Uh, did you know it means, "Not too much, but not too little either"? Yes.
I was just about to tell Stephanie Yeah, hi! Uh, excuse me, I don't think we've met.
My name is Hans Nilsson.
- This is my colleague - Nils Hansson.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
Uh, anyways, uh, maybe you have heard about a little thing in Sweden called fika.
It's when we have coffee, and sometimes with a pastry.
That is so interesting.
We also have a thing called mellanmjolk, which is milk that is not too fatty, but it's not too low-fat either.
I was just about to tell Stephanie that.
Hmm.
Stephanie, would you care for some appeteasers? Oh, that sounds delicioso.
I heard you have a passion for music.
Rap music.
Are you rap lovers as well? - Yes.
- We love rap.
You know what? I would love for you to listen to some really cool rap records I acquired recently.
- Great.
- Mm.
Let's meet in my office in, let's say, half an hour? - Jackpot.
- Yeah.
Shall we? So, um, do you know what fika means? Yeah.
My dad is Swedish.
Yeah.
It's when you have, uh It's when you have coffee and, uh, and sometimes a pastry.
See, I never understood why that's a Swedish thing.
I mean, people have coffee and pastries all around the world.
Yeah.
I guess.
Oh, sorry.
I got to take this.
I told you to stop calling me.
Okay, I need you to be perfectly honest with me, Sarah.
- Are you gonna sleep with Floyd? - What? No.
'Cause if you do, I swear to God I'm gonna kill myself.
- Whatever, Brad.
I have to go.
- No, no, wait, wait, wait.
I told Sannabelle.
Told her what? I told her everything.
I told her about how I feel about you.
I I said, "Sannabelle, listen to this.
" And then I said, "I love this woman, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
" Well, I wish you would've told me first.
Now that you have my attention, how can I help you? It's a delicate matter, sir.
What's said in this room stays in this room.
Me and Hans work for a company called Fransson's Aerosystem.
Have you heard of our product? Oh, yes.
The Grenade Launcher System Four was very cool.
Right now we are working on a revolutionary new radar system called Radar System Two, which also is very cool.
What do you think the blueprints to a radar system like that would be worth, if we were to sell it "under the radar," as it were? One would have to take a sneak peek at said blueprints to say for sure.
But if the radar system is as cool as you say it is, I know a lot of people who would be very interested.
Well, then, why don't you take a look for yourself? Oh.
A USB? Very cool.
I'll let you know.
Thank you.
So, he was married, but you didn't know? Yep.
Oh, my God.
That's crazy-pants! It actually is crazy-pants.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, see that guy over there? - Yeah.
- That's my friend, Axel.
Or Floyd or whatever.
- You don't know his name? - But he is such a good friend.
- Mm.
I love this song.
- Axel! It's from my favorite, uh, movie.
Sorry, what? Does it surprise you that I like, you know, a girl movie? - Do you want to dance? - Yeah, sure.
Oh, sorry.
Does what surprise me? - Nothing.
- Okay, well Great.
I want to ask you something about Floyd.
Isn't it weird that he changed his name? Kids these days.
They do all kinds of stupid shit.
The SAPO guys said that Floyd was born in Florida.
- Sounds like bad intel.
- Yeah.
That's what I said.
You're really bad at this.
- At what? - At dancing.
Mm.
Shut up.
Well, you're stepping all over my feet.
I'm drunk, so leave me alone.
Mm.
Well, did you know it's considered unprofessional for secret agents to be drunk on the job? Shh, shh! You're the secret agent.
I'm just your date.
Well, don't tell Eve that.
Can I ask you a question about you and her? What? What? Nothing.
I'm sorry.
I told you I'm drunk.
Are you gonna answer that? Nope.
Brad.
Oh, did I tell you he left his wife for me? Sannabelle? That's the one.
How do you feel about that? Could you forgive somebody who lied to you like that? Be honest.
If I love the person, maybe.
Floyd! - We need to talk.
- About what? Where are you taking me? Wh-What What is this, Anders? Where did you get this crap? Ingmar's onto you.
- What do you mean? - SAPO told him about Floyd.
- You're in trouble now, asshole.
- What did you say? I cover for you! But you better have good story when he ask about! Anybody? Why do I listen to you? Why do I listen? We should've just told him.
I'm an illegal alien.
It's not the end of the world.
Are you crazy? You gonna be deported.
And you don't remember who we do this for? Huh? We can't tell him, huh? - Are you stupid? - What do I tell him, then? - You got to play the role.
- I played your role as best as I could.
Floyd Calhoun? In North Korea, we play role harder than this! We're not in North Korea.
I know we not in North Korea, you shit-face! Do you care about Ingmar? - I care about him a lot.
- Then you better bring it! It's been brung! Oh, no.
Fuck, shit, fuck! Double.
Come on.
We're outta here.
What's going on? Axel changing his name to Floyd Calhoun, he didn't do it because it sounded cool.
He did it because he's an illegal immigrant.
What? Yeah.
No! Hey! Wait! Wait! Hey! Listen.
I know you're super mad at me right now, but just listen You listen! Do you understand what you've done to me? I can go to jail for hiring an illegal immigrant.
- No, you-you don't understand - I don't want to understand.
Shut up! Axel fuck up big time, but you still need to finish this mission now! What the hell is going on here? This is very unprofessional, even for the Swedish FBI.
The Consulate General wants to meet with you now! Okay.
This is the last thing we do together.
Dad So, there you are.
They told me you had quite a quarrel.
Slight disagreement, but, uh, now we're back to being friends again.
I'm happy to hear that.
So, did you by any chance look at the blueprints? Oh, yes, I did.
They look very good.
Very exciting blueprints.
Do we have an agreement? Maybe we do.
Maybe we don't.
He's on to you.
Play it cool, guys.
Play it real cool.
This business is all about gut feeling.
You must be able to look a man into his eye and ask yourself, "Do I trust him?" Do you know what I see when I look into your eyes, Hans? I see betrayal, and I don't want to be betrayed by my friends.
Well, there's no friends in our business, sir.
Oh, I'm sorry you think so, Nils.
What do you think about this rap music? It's pretty cool, isn't it? Yeah.
It's very cool.
Right, Nils? - Ah.
- Ah? - Ah-huh.
- And you know what I want to do when I hear something this dope? I wanna dance.
Let's dance a rap dance together.
He's testing you.
Don't blow this.
Dance with him.
I repeat, dance with him.
Come on, bear.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
Okay, cool.
Oh, cool.
That's cool.
Try to dance as cool as you can.
Everything depends on it.
Oh, yeah! Yeah! Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
I take a 20% finder's fee.
The blueprints is worth between five and six million dollars on the market.
So, what do you think? Do we have a deal? We do.
Great.
- Did you hear that, SAPO? - What? Get him! - Don't move! SAPO.
- No! You're under arrest.
I knew I shouldn't have trusted you fools! Tell it to the judge.
Oh, yes! Yeah.
- What? - The Great job, guys.
Here's the check.
I wanna say that the rap dancing you did in there is some of the best rap dancing I have ever seen throughout my years working for the Swedish FBI.
Thanks.
That means a lot.
- Yeah.
Whatever.
- Hey, uh, I know you guys are not the best of friends right now.
It's hard being buddies with someone you work with.
You think me and Per always get along? - Hell, no.
- But we both know that we have too much to lose by not being friends, so we do whatever it takes.
Right, pal? Whatever it takes.
Happy for you guys.
Yeah, I'm not sure me and Ingmar have that kind of friendship.
Is it true? - What? - That you're here illegally.
I'm sorry I lied.
Why didn't you just come to me? I'm a fuckin' lawyer, dude.
- Well, Sun told me I couldn't.
- Plausible deniability.
What That's not even Never mind.
Hey, do you wanna go and hang out somewhere for a while? Actually, I think I'm gonna head to Koreatown.
What's in Koreatown? Brad's hotel.
Hi.
Hi.
Wow.
- What's all this? - I'm sorry for being crazy earlier.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
- No, I know there's nothing going on between you and Sarah.
Oh, good.
Good.
I mean, she's way too cool for you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
"Yeah?" What do you mean, "Yeah?" What, I'm not cool? No! Uh, you are the Sorry.
Hey.
You got a minute? Yes.
Who knows? Sun, Sarah, that guy, Lou.
- No one else? - No one else.
Let's keep it that way.
So, are we still partners? Yeah.
We're still partners.
Do you still trust me? Ask me again tomorrow.
Come here.
Come in.
Come in.
You want a vodka Red Bull or something? Stop.
I'm not gonna come in.
No? I've been thinking, and I believe you when you say that you love me.
And I probably could forgive you if I loved you too.
What are you saying? I'm saying goodbye, Brad.
And fuck you! - Jane - Can't you see I'm busy? No, you need to take a look at this.
"Floyd Calhoun, Son of Emmet and Delilah Calhoun, Born in Florida 1970" - Why am I looking at this? - Click to the next page.
Oh, fuck me!