The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s02e08 Episode Script
Stories
El Gato! 2x08 - "Stories" Oh, Herr Puss, I am so excited for our treasure quest! Look how my hooves quiver with anticipation! Yes, my hoofed friend, the promise of adventure awakens my soul as well, but this is serious business.
San Lorenzans! We have a lot of treasure to find if we want to restore the town's protective spell.
And we must do so quickly, before the disaster Sino has prophesied will come with the eclipse.
It will not be easy, but armed thusly with this list of our missing treasure and the Mystic Silver Dowsing Rod of Akhenaten, success will be ours! So let us do this thing.
For San Lorenzo! Hooray! I can't wait to go on our adventure, Puss.
Also, could you explain that all over again slower and with smaller words? As I have told you repeatedly, the adults are going to find treasure.
Could you use the word "adult" in a sentence? Señora Zapata is an adult.
I saw Señora Zapata kissing a thief.
Kids, right? You saw nothing.
I do not have time for this now.
If you will excuse me, I have a grand adventure to lead.
- And we're gonna help! - No, you will be staying here.
Aw.
Puss, where should I pack the crossbow? Put it with the other very exciting weapons for our amazing adventure.
Puss, Puss, wait.
Puh-lease, can we come? Toby, we all have our roles to play in the story of life, and sometimes Our role is to be the best helpers on an amazing adventure? Sometimes, our role is to be the pig who helps by not helping.
That doesn't really make sense.
I know! I'm just so giddy about our super exciting trip! Forget it, Toby.
We're too young to help.
Yes, that's it exactly.
Tick tock, Herr Puss.
We are burning daylight mit the chit-chat.
Uli? Nein! I much prefer to walk.
It invigorates the muscles.
As you wish.
Children, Artephius will babysit you, so listen well to him.
And no matter what, let no one near the Treasure House.
Hyah! - Bye! - Bye-bye.
Take care! I'm gonna have the time of my life! Leave those orphans behind! That's rude! Artephius the babysitter! Who would have thought? Now, which one of you little gentlemen is Artephius? I'm too bored to even move.
This is the most boring thing to ever happen to anyone, anywhere, ever.
It's even worse than the Curse of the Goblin King.
The Curse of the Goblin King? What's that? Well, when the Goblin King curses you, you're doomed to repeat the same thing again and again, and again and again, and again - Oh, we get it.
- and again.
Forever! Whoa.
And the worst part is you don't even remember.
You just do the same thing over and over, like a gazillion times.
If someone cursed me to eat the same pickle a gazillion times, I'd call 'em a pal.
Sooo boooooored.
Hmm.
I've never done so much nothing.
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Welcome to my world.
Hmm.
My scepter must be here.
I In the name of the Junior Puss Squad, halt right Oh, wow.
What is this? Baby animals and Whoa-oo-ah! pickle children? Now, now, Gustopher Ooh, that tickles.
Who is this? Your babysitter? Yes.
Ha! He is asleep.
He sits babies poorly.
If you think I'm not here to fight, then you don't know Taranis, God of Thunder! Because, Taranis, God of Thunder is me! And me is here to do one thing.
Fight anyone who stands in the way of the one thing I'm here to do.
Get the Scepter of Lightning! Did you know that the first wheels were flat and people called them sticks? History is fun.
I did not know that.
This is very interesting.
You know what else will be history if I do not get my scepter? This town! Could you use the word "scepter" in a sentence? My scepter is a staff made of frozen lightning and it is somewhere in this town, so so am I! Boom! Huh? Pally, we ain't seen anything like any scepters in San Lorenzo.
Oh, then I guess I was mistaken.
I will be on my way.
That was close.
Unless Uh-oh.
Unless maybe your scepter is in the Treasure House.
What? Oh.
Wha What're we gonna do? Puss told us not to let anyone near the Treasure House, and that's the opposite of what's happening.
Hey, meat bag! You better not take one more step.
Uh.
I demand to know why not.
Because did you know that San Lorenzo is protected by Puss in Boots? Who is this Puss in Boots? Does he have a mighty wheel? I don't know about wheels, but did you know that Puss in Boots is the greatest hero of all time? Hmm.
This intrigues me.
Tell me more, young gangly mortal.
I'll tell you about Puss in Boots.
He is a cat! With boots! And a hat! And a sword for sword fighting! And did you know that one time, there was this bad guy, El Moco? Did you know that my sword is so heavy it takes three men to lift it? Four, by our count.
I am hungry here.
Do you want us to fix you a snack? Yes.
Wait.
No.
Let us rob the town of its gold, and then use the money to buy artisanal meats and cheeses.
Yay! Cheese! Not so fast, El Moco! Did you know that I am the greatest hero ever? Did you know that we are going to fight? Attack! Did you know that you punched up all my thieves but you didn't punch me? And follow-up question, did you know that Sword! And did you know at this part of the story it looks like Puss is beaten? Well, well, Puss, it looks like you are beaten.
You forgot one very important thing, El Moco.
Sword! Did you know that the sun is very hot? - Did you know that was very good? - Good for you! Yeah-ha-ha! This Puss in Boots is very strong.
Ooh, if you like that story, wait till you hear this one! One day my owl Gustopher was sitting on my weather vane.
True story.
Those stories were impressive.
Not so much the one about the owl.
More the one about the warrior in boots! Yeah, as cookies go, he's the toughest.
Well, lucky for me this Puss in Boots is not here to stop me from tearing this town apart until I find my scepter! Which is what I want.
Now! Hello! Gustopher was just sitting on a weather vane.
Sitty-sitty-sit.
Ah, he was such a good boy, he never gave anybody any trouble.
He'd just sit there Are you there, scepter? I do not know why I ask because you do not speak or anything.
Wait.
- Huh? - Why does the pig say to wait? So, you know how me and Puss are best friends? - I will take your word for it.
- We totally are! And this one time we went to out-riddle the Sphinx.
Wow, are you guys, like, twins or whatever? - I can see where you would think that.
- We heard you like riddles! Yeah, that's kinda my whole deal.
In that case, we have a doozy of a riddle for you.
Tell her the doozy, my best friend amigo.
I will, best friend.
Okay.
What has eight legs and four of them are hooves and it smiles all the time and one of them has boots and the other one is a pig? Friendship! Uh, you guys beat me.
Puss, if you could have anything to eat right now, what would it be? Fried chicken! Wheeee! Toby, this is supposed to be a story about what's more powerful than a magical wheel.
I'm getting to it! Then, the Duchess came to steal Puss away from me.
Puss in Boots is best friends ever with that pig.
But I want Puss for my best friend! Best friends super high-five! Best friendship won the day and the mayor gave us a trophy and, oh, yeah, there were fireworks.
Oh, beautiful.
That story did not scare me.
However, I am envious of your epic friendship.
I value that sort of thing.
But not as much as I value my scepter! Which I demand! The point of the story is uh we're Puss's friends.
And if you mess with Puss's friends, then Puss messes with you.
It's a stretch.
And the pig's story definitely didn't prove his friend more mighty than I am! Ooh.
Want a story about my best friend? If it's windy outside, Gustopher will tell you.
How's that for an epic story, huh? Eh? I don't think you understand what a story is, gray-hair.
But if it's wind you want, I'll show you wind.
Wind that will destroy this town if I don't get my scepter! I am master of storms! Where I go, storms follow me like a blowy shadow made of weather! You think Puss in Boots is scared of a stiff breeze? You can keep your wind and go fly a kite.
You think you have insulted me, but I am very good with kites.
Some have called me an expert kitesman! Kites are pretty.
No! My kites are manly! They are made of meat and fur! Ew.
Says you.
Now lemme tell you the other stuff Puss is gonna do to grind you into oatmeal.
- I wanna tell it! - We can tell it together, kid.
I refuse to listen.
Your stories do nothing but anger my insides.
Hush up, muscles.
You're gonna wanna hear this one.
Puss is so fast, you won't see him coming at you until it's too late.
And he has magic fairy wings! Huh? Hmm.
Mmm? Hmm.
- And fairy breath! - Fairy breath? Sparkles! I didn't know Puss had fairy wings.
I wish I did.
I do not care about this cat or his wings or shoes or - Puss in Boots.
- Whatever! I care about one thing and one thing only, and that is retrieving my scepter.
The punishment for me not finding my scepter will be me destroying everything in this town! Which includes all of you! Uh, that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what Puss can do.
Once, Puss had to face all the bad guys from his past.
But was this a problem? Oh, my gosh, I love you so much, I just wanna kill you! I have a magic sword! Nope.
Not for Puss in Boots.
Then he finished off the poor sap with Nose fire! But that doesn't make any sense.
I saw Se?ora Zapata kissing a thief.
Mmmm I do not want to hear any more about this Puss in Boots! I want my Scepter of Lightning! It is a scepter that controls lightning! - So it is aptly named! - Yeah, but Puss I understand.
He has many fine talents.
But is he a god? It's certainly gotten windy today! Whoa! If you think this is something, wait until I get my scepter back.
What world will I destroy? This one.
What are we going to do? Now if you will excuse me, and even if you will not, I intend to take my scepter back, beginning now! He's gonna get into the Treasure House.
We gotta stop him! Did you know we can't just keep telling him stories again and again? Hmm.
Again and again.
Hmm.
Cleevil, is that your "I have an idea" face? I got an idea! This clown believes everything we tell him, right? You bet I do.
Then he'll believe the Curse of the Goblin King! Hey! Listen up! No more stories of Puss in Boots.
He cannot possibly defeat me! He sure can.
In fact, he already has.
I do not What do you Explain your words to me using different ones! Puss in Boots has already defeated you.
A hundred times.
Nay, a thousand! You are under a curse! Doomed to fight Puss over and over and lose every time! Again and again! Ow, ow, ow! Whoa! - A curse?! - Yeah! You were cursed by Uh, what god are you scared of? Not Toutatis the All-Father.
Toutatis the All-Father! Puss has kicked your butt so many times.
Over easy, sunny side up, and with home fried potatoes on the side.
No! I fear potatoes! And the worst part of the curse is you never remember! You keep coming back for more.
Ooh! Ugh.
Leave me alone! No! No! No! The only way to break the curse Yes.
Tell me! What is it? - is to never fight Puss again! - Ah! Anything! Puss in Boots has returned! Umm.
Hello? Stay away.
I don't want to fight you anymore.
I don't want my Scepter of Lightning.
I just want the curse to end! I want to wake up from this nightmare! Do not burn me with your terrible nose fire! Do I want to know what that was about? It was all about stories, Puss! Like I have a story about this one time Gustopher fell off my weather vane.
Fell right down, right off my weather vane.
You know, the weather vane I made out of that old Scepter of Lightning I found? This is a thing you could have mentioned earlier.
Okay.
So, good news, children and one old person! We have found all but one of the missing items! We are very good at treasure-finding.
I found a cup! Now, tell me what happened while we were away.
Your eyes, they look wild with adventure.
Puss in Boots, old buddy, let us tell you a story.
San Lorenzans! We have a lot of treasure to find if we want to restore the town's protective spell.
And we must do so quickly, before the disaster Sino has prophesied will come with the eclipse.
It will not be easy, but armed thusly with this list of our missing treasure and the Mystic Silver Dowsing Rod of Akhenaten, success will be ours! So let us do this thing.
For San Lorenzo! Hooray! I can't wait to go on our adventure, Puss.
Also, could you explain that all over again slower and with smaller words? As I have told you repeatedly, the adults are going to find treasure.
Could you use the word "adult" in a sentence? Señora Zapata is an adult.
I saw Señora Zapata kissing a thief.
Kids, right? You saw nothing.
I do not have time for this now.
If you will excuse me, I have a grand adventure to lead.
- And we're gonna help! - No, you will be staying here.
Aw.
Puss, where should I pack the crossbow? Put it with the other very exciting weapons for our amazing adventure.
Puss, Puss, wait.
Puh-lease, can we come? Toby, we all have our roles to play in the story of life, and sometimes Our role is to be the best helpers on an amazing adventure? Sometimes, our role is to be the pig who helps by not helping.
That doesn't really make sense.
I know! I'm just so giddy about our super exciting trip! Forget it, Toby.
We're too young to help.
Yes, that's it exactly.
Tick tock, Herr Puss.
We are burning daylight mit the chit-chat.
Uli? Nein! I much prefer to walk.
It invigorates the muscles.
As you wish.
Children, Artephius will babysit you, so listen well to him.
And no matter what, let no one near the Treasure House.
Hyah! - Bye! - Bye-bye.
Take care! I'm gonna have the time of my life! Leave those orphans behind! That's rude! Artephius the babysitter! Who would have thought? Now, which one of you little gentlemen is Artephius? I'm too bored to even move.
This is the most boring thing to ever happen to anyone, anywhere, ever.
It's even worse than the Curse of the Goblin King.
The Curse of the Goblin King? What's that? Well, when the Goblin King curses you, you're doomed to repeat the same thing again and again, and again and again, and again - Oh, we get it.
- and again.
Forever! Whoa.
And the worst part is you don't even remember.
You just do the same thing over and over, like a gazillion times.
If someone cursed me to eat the same pickle a gazillion times, I'd call 'em a pal.
Sooo boooooored.
Hmm.
I've never done so much nothing.
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Welcome to my world.
Hmm.
My scepter must be here.
I In the name of the Junior Puss Squad, halt right Oh, wow.
What is this? Baby animals and Whoa-oo-ah! pickle children? Now, now, Gustopher Ooh, that tickles.
Who is this? Your babysitter? Yes.
Ha! He is asleep.
He sits babies poorly.
If you think I'm not here to fight, then you don't know Taranis, God of Thunder! Because, Taranis, God of Thunder is me! And me is here to do one thing.
Fight anyone who stands in the way of the one thing I'm here to do.
Get the Scepter of Lightning! Did you know that the first wheels were flat and people called them sticks? History is fun.
I did not know that.
This is very interesting.
You know what else will be history if I do not get my scepter? This town! Could you use the word "scepter" in a sentence? My scepter is a staff made of frozen lightning and it is somewhere in this town, so so am I! Boom! Huh? Pally, we ain't seen anything like any scepters in San Lorenzo.
Oh, then I guess I was mistaken.
I will be on my way.
That was close.
Unless Uh-oh.
Unless maybe your scepter is in the Treasure House.
What? Oh.
Wha What're we gonna do? Puss told us not to let anyone near the Treasure House, and that's the opposite of what's happening.
Hey, meat bag! You better not take one more step.
Uh.
I demand to know why not.
Because did you know that San Lorenzo is protected by Puss in Boots? Who is this Puss in Boots? Does he have a mighty wheel? I don't know about wheels, but did you know that Puss in Boots is the greatest hero of all time? Hmm.
This intrigues me.
Tell me more, young gangly mortal.
I'll tell you about Puss in Boots.
He is a cat! With boots! And a hat! And a sword for sword fighting! And did you know that one time, there was this bad guy, El Moco? Did you know that my sword is so heavy it takes three men to lift it? Four, by our count.
I am hungry here.
Do you want us to fix you a snack? Yes.
Wait.
No.
Let us rob the town of its gold, and then use the money to buy artisanal meats and cheeses.
Yay! Cheese! Not so fast, El Moco! Did you know that I am the greatest hero ever? Did you know that we are going to fight? Attack! Did you know that you punched up all my thieves but you didn't punch me? And follow-up question, did you know that Sword! And did you know at this part of the story it looks like Puss is beaten? Well, well, Puss, it looks like you are beaten.
You forgot one very important thing, El Moco.
Sword! Did you know that the sun is very hot? - Did you know that was very good? - Good for you! Yeah-ha-ha! This Puss in Boots is very strong.
Ooh, if you like that story, wait till you hear this one! One day my owl Gustopher was sitting on my weather vane.
True story.
Those stories were impressive.
Not so much the one about the owl.
More the one about the warrior in boots! Yeah, as cookies go, he's the toughest.
Well, lucky for me this Puss in Boots is not here to stop me from tearing this town apart until I find my scepter! Which is what I want.
Now! Hello! Gustopher was just sitting on a weather vane.
Sitty-sitty-sit.
Ah, he was such a good boy, he never gave anybody any trouble.
He'd just sit there Are you there, scepter? I do not know why I ask because you do not speak or anything.
Wait.
- Huh? - Why does the pig say to wait? So, you know how me and Puss are best friends? - I will take your word for it.
- We totally are! And this one time we went to out-riddle the Sphinx.
Wow, are you guys, like, twins or whatever? - I can see where you would think that.
- We heard you like riddles! Yeah, that's kinda my whole deal.
In that case, we have a doozy of a riddle for you.
Tell her the doozy, my best friend amigo.
I will, best friend.
Okay.
What has eight legs and four of them are hooves and it smiles all the time and one of them has boots and the other one is a pig? Friendship! Uh, you guys beat me.
Puss, if you could have anything to eat right now, what would it be? Fried chicken! Wheeee! Toby, this is supposed to be a story about what's more powerful than a magical wheel.
I'm getting to it! Then, the Duchess came to steal Puss away from me.
Puss in Boots is best friends ever with that pig.
But I want Puss for my best friend! Best friends super high-five! Best friendship won the day and the mayor gave us a trophy and, oh, yeah, there were fireworks.
Oh, beautiful.
That story did not scare me.
However, I am envious of your epic friendship.
I value that sort of thing.
But not as much as I value my scepter! Which I demand! The point of the story is uh we're Puss's friends.
And if you mess with Puss's friends, then Puss messes with you.
It's a stretch.
And the pig's story definitely didn't prove his friend more mighty than I am! Ooh.
Want a story about my best friend? If it's windy outside, Gustopher will tell you.
How's that for an epic story, huh? Eh? I don't think you understand what a story is, gray-hair.
But if it's wind you want, I'll show you wind.
Wind that will destroy this town if I don't get my scepter! I am master of storms! Where I go, storms follow me like a blowy shadow made of weather! You think Puss in Boots is scared of a stiff breeze? You can keep your wind and go fly a kite.
You think you have insulted me, but I am very good with kites.
Some have called me an expert kitesman! Kites are pretty.
No! My kites are manly! They are made of meat and fur! Ew.
Says you.
Now lemme tell you the other stuff Puss is gonna do to grind you into oatmeal.
- I wanna tell it! - We can tell it together, kid.
I refuse to listen.
Your stories do nothing but anger my insides.
Hush up, muscles.
You're gonna wanna hear this one.
Puss is so fast, you won't see him coming at you until it's too late.
And he has magic fairy wings! Huh? Hmm.
Mmm? Hmm.
- And fairy breath! - Fairy breath? Sparkles! I didn't know Puss had fairy wings.
I wish I did.
I do not care about this cat or his wings or shoes or - Puss in Boots.
- Whatever! I care about one thing and one thing only, and that is retrieving my scepter.
The punishment for me not finding my scepter will be me destroying everything in this town! Which includes all of you! Uh, that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what Puss can do.
Once, Puss had to face all the bad guys from his past.
But was this a problem? Oh, my gosh, I love you so much, I just wanna kill you! I have a magic sword! Nope.
Not for Puss in Boots.
Then he finished off the poor sap with Nose fire! But that doesn't make any sense.
I saw Se?ora Zapata kissing a thief.
Mmmm I do not want to hear any more about this Puss in Boots! I want my Scepter of Lightning! It is a scepter that controls lightning! - So it is aptly named! - Yeah, but Puss I understand.
He has many fine talents.
But is he a god? It's certainly gotten windy today! Whoa! If you think this is something, wait until I get my scepter back.
What world will I destroy? This one.
What are we going to do? Now if you will excuse me, and even if you will not, I intend to take my scepter back, beginning now! He's gonna get into the Treasure House.
We gotta stop him! Did you know we can't just keep telling him stories again and again? Hmm.
Again and again.
Hmm.
Cleevil, is that your "I have an idea" face? I got an idea! This clown believes everything we tell him, right? You bet I do.
Then he'll believe the Curse of the Goblin King! Hey! Listen up! No more stories of Puss in Boots.
He cannot possibly defeat me! He sure can.
In fact, he already has.
I do not What do you Explain your words to me using different ones! Puss in Boots has already defeated you.
A hundred times.
Nay, a thousand! You are under a curse! Doomed to fight Puss over and over and lose every time! Again and again! Ow, ow, ow! Whoa! - A curse?! - Yeah! You were cursed by Uh, what god are you scared of? Not Toutatis the All-Father.
Toutatis the All-Father! Puss has kicked your butt so many times.
Over easy, sunny side up, and with home fried potatoes on the side.
No! I fear potatoes! And the worst part of the curse is you never remember! You keep coming back for more.
Ooh! Ugh.
Leave me alone! No! No! No! The only way to break the curse Yes.
Tell me! What is it? - is to never fight Puss again! - Ah! Anything! Puss in Boots has returned! Umm.
Hello? Stay away.
I don't want to fight you anymore.
I don't want my Scepter of Lightning.
I just want the curse to end! I want to wake up from this nightmare! Do not burn me with your terrible nose fire! Do I want to know what that was about? It was all about stories, Puss! Like I have a story about this one time Gustopher fell off my weather vane.
Fell right down, right off my weather vane.
You know, the weather vane I made out of that old Scepter of Lightning I found? This is a thing you could have mentioned earlier.
Okay.
So, good news, children and one old person! We have found all but one of the missing items! We are very good at treasure-finding.
I found a cup! Now, tell me what happened while we were away.
Your eyes, they look wild with adventure.
Puss in Boots, old buddy, let us tell you a story.